Kindly Calm Me Down (Meghan Trainor)

QUINN'S POV

I'd fallen asleep with Santana wrapped around me, her arms so secure that I felt like nothing could ever go wrong again.

But the universe doesn't like it when I think like that.

My phone buzzed, and I reached blindly for it, not wanting to open my eyes.

Santana's body was no longer next to me, and I had to fight the urge to think the worst.

Knowing her, my propensity to sleep in was too much, and she needed to move her body before she got restless and woke me up.

I was learning to appreciate that.

"I need to tell you something huge, and I need you to not be a bitch about it." I woke up to those words before even registering who was talking to me.

I'd just blindly answered my phone and barely said a mumbled hello before being assaulted with that jumble of words.

"Huh?"

"Q, I need you to wake up, please. This is important."

"Who is this?" I pulled the phone away from my ear and looked at the screen. "Vanessa? You sound different. Are you okay?"

Something clicked in my brain, and my heart began to race. I sat up in a panic and tried to swallow back tears.

I wiped them and then took a deep breath.

"Don't freak out." Vanessa said, knowing me too well. "I'm changing over to video, pick up."

The line cut out and then rang again.

It wasn't until I saw Vanessa's face, then her big belly that she was rubbing.

"You scared me." I whispered, and she looked at me with her lip caught between her teeth, and then tears welled up in her eyes before she wiped them away. "V…please tell me what's wrong. You look sick."

"That's because I spent the whole week running myself into the ground, going back and forth to appointments on top of finals week, and I think I have a cold."

I wanted to scold her, but hadn't I been doing the same thing?

"You have to rest during your break, okay, until he's here, promise you'll rest."

She stared blankly at me. Then Asha was hovering behind her, rubbing her shoulders.

I held my breath as I looked at Vanessa, and then she gave me a soft smile.

"Asha told me to call you immediately, but I couldn't. It's taking all my nerve to finally call you. I know I'm freaking you out, but I need you to let me get this out before you start asking a million questions. Okay?"

"I…I…" I was stuck, and then I felt her presence before she spoke. I looked at my bedroom door and there San stood with a mug of coffee.

"What's going on? Who died?" San asked as she made her way over to me. She placed the mug down on my nightstand before dropping a kiss on my lips. When she saw I was on a video call, she looked at the screen, and her expression changed. "What's wrong?"

"I need to talk to Quinn." Vanessa said.

"Is it good news?"

Vanessa shrugged, and more tears came. Asha whispered to her, and V swallowed hard and nodded.

The bottom was falling out, and I felt so close to breaking. I knew right then that whatever it was, I couldn't handle it…not fresh from sleep without any of my armor on.

"I can't, not yet, San." I whispered.

And like the amazing woman that Santana Lopez has always been, she took my phone from me.

"Listen, V, I can see this is a lot for you. How about we come to see you?"

"I'm over an hour away." Vanessa croaked. Then I watched my fiancée glance over at me before dropping her voice. "Asha, do you agree?" And she must have. "See, Vanessa. So go shower, and we will be down there as soon as we can. Want me to bring you anything?"

"Yeah."

"Your usual from Alessandro's?"

"Please?"

"Okay. See you soon."

I'd never seen San move so expediently.

She rushed me into the shower, and when I came out of the bathroom, the bed was made, an outfit was laid out, and our baby bag was sitting by the foot of the bed.

Did she think the baby was coming early?

Please, God, let that be it and not something worse.

I grabbed the tiny black teddy bear that Beth had picked out for the baby when we were in Lima and put it on top of the bag.

If he was coming early, I wanted him to know he was loved from his first breath.

By the time I finished getting dressed, Santana was coming into the room with a paper bag and a to-go coffee mug.

"I picked up Vanessa's food, the car is gassed up, and Puck knows that we may be unable to get Beth when we had agreed. He was fine with it, and Jake promised me that he would keep Beth if Puck had to leave."

I felt relief, which was insane because I didn't realize that I was concerned.

"Did you talk to Beth?"

"She was asleep. Apparently, she went midnight bowling with Kitty's youth group."

"Nice."

San kissed my lips and then rubbed her thumb over my cheek when she pulled back. "You're very welcome, Luce. Now let's get moving."

Standing so close to her, I could see that her eyes were red-rimmed.

"You were crying."

She gave me a sad smile. "I was."

"Do you know what she needs to tell me?"

"No. V offered to tell me, but I didn't want to know before you. Asha is going to make her breakfast and get her to shower. Apparently, she hadn't done that in a few days."

I wrinkled my nose. "She must really be upset then because Vanessa loves a long shower."

"I know. When she stayed here, I had to be strategic about when I got a shower, or there'd be no hot water."

I don't know how she did it, but Santana seemed to lift my spirits enough to think straight.

Thank God for her.

Once we were in the car, I didn't have a second to stress because San was prepared for that.

She handed me a stack of bridal magazines and insisted we plan our dream wedding.

For a solid 70 minutes, she distracted me until we were pulling into the parking garage of Vanessa's building.

When she turned the car off, and I felt my eyes well up, she took my hand and then dropped her head.

"Pray with me." She mumbled.

"Okay."

I let my tears fall as she held tight to my hand while she prayed for our son.

Our son.

She was feeling terrified, too.

I could tell from the shake in her hands and promised myself that I'd keep checking in with her as well.

She held my hand from the moment we left the car all the way up to Vanessa's apartment door.

Then she stopped me from knocking.

"Listen to me, Q."

"Yes?"

"I am here, good or bad, but so is Vanessa. I don't believe she would have agreed to this situation with anyone but you. She trusts you and loves you. Remember that this is exponentially hard for her. Right now, you get to be all the things that you wished that Shelby had been for you."

"Shit, you're right."

"Bring your best self in there. Promise."

"I promise, thank you, my love."

Santana wasn't the only person that knew me well, Vanessa and Asha had spent three years learning my every quirk.

When we walked into the apartment, Vanessa had a stack of papers sitting in front of an empty chair and a steaming mug of coffee.

When we walked in, Vanessa didn't move. Instead, she dropped her head and began to pray quietly.

Asha smiled at us, giving us small hugs before pulling out chairs at the table.

"Santana, how do you like your coffee? I already knew what Quinn liked. I didn't want to assume."

"Black with two sugars."

"Okay, have a seat. I'll grab it for you."

"Thanks."

I didn't sit in the chair that Asha had pulled out. Instead, I did something out of character. I knelt in front of Vanessa and took her hands in mine.

"Q, what are you doing?"

"Talk to me."

"I had a plan."

"I know, but you're better on the fly. Talk to me however you need."

She nodded and took my hands and pressed them against her stomach.

Nothing happened at first, but then I felt a strong kick from the baby. My smile nearly broke my face, and it was huge.

"He's still here. I'm sorry I scared you. Asha explained how you must have felt. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, just talk to me. Did you change your mind?"

She shook her head.

"No. He's yours, Q. I stand by that."

I heard Asha come into the room, and Santana mumbled thank you before it got quiet.

"Okay. Then what is it."

"He needs surgery…I wanted them to do it in utero, but I'm far enough along that they think it'd be better if I delivered as soon as possible."

"What's going on with him?" Santana asked.

Vanessa nodded and sighed.

"My doctor noticed this week that his organs aren't placed right. He has an Omphalocele, and the surgeons at Johns Hopkins are one of the best at correcting this with minimal issues. If they'd caught this earlier, we could have stopped it before it became more pronounced. I'm so fucking sorry. Please don't hate me, Q."

I nodded and rubbed her belly. "Tell me why you feel sorry and why on Earth you'd think that I could hate you after what you are giving me."

"I got depressed for a while there. I skipped my appointments these last few months…we could have caught this. If Asha hadn't made me go on Monday, I probably would have kept putting it off until he was born."

I looked over at Asha, but she wasn't in the room. It was just Santana sitting there, flipping through the stack of papers that Vanessa had prepared for me.

"It says here that you could die in labor…and so could he." Santana said coldly. She was not as forgiving as I was, but I could tell she was holding back from saying more. "You should be in surgery already."

Vanessa flinched. "I know, but this isn't my baby…I needed Quinn's input."

I shook my head. "This is your baby as much as he's mine. I don't want to lose you, V."

Asha came back into the room just as Santana asked the question that I hadn't bothered to ask because I knew the answer.

"Why didn't you just get the surgery?"

"That's not how we do things." Vanessa muttered.

"We who?" Santana was getting increasingly enraged. I looked to Asha, who took on the task of calming down my fiancée.

What a weird dimension we'd entered.

Once Santana was walking into the kitchen with Asha, and Vanessa only had me to deal with, I could see the tension leave her shoulders.

"I know it seems crazy to hesitate, but you know my family doesn't believe in life-saving measures. I knew that I was too biased to make this decision without you."

I must have flinched as I shifted a bit because Vanessa pointed to the chair. "You're going to fuck up your back before you can even hold him. Sit in a chair."

It's like San has a sixth sense because as I tried to push myself up, I could feel her hands on my hips. "Leverage yourself on me, not Vanessa."

I let her help me into a chair, and then San reached towards Vanessa before hesitating, but V pushed her belly out. "Go ahead, he's your kid too."

Seeing Santana grin while running her hands softly over Vanessa's belly made my heart warmer.

"How soon can they do the surgery?" I asked as San stepped behind me and draped her arms over my shoulders. I rested my head back against her, soaking up as much strength from her as I could.

"I want to wait, but all of the doctors are pushing for me to do it now." Vanessa sighed, "I want to be done with this pregnancy. I don't want to be his mother, or really even an aunt…not right away. I want it to be over, but I do love him. I want him to be okay. Does that make sense? My love for him is what ultimately pushed me to call you."

"And I'm glad you did."

"So am I." San said, "I already texted my dad. He is booking a flight and wants to be here for the surgery. He's covering all of your expenses."

I looked up at my fiancée, and she gave a slight shake of her head.

She wanted a united front. I knew better than to question her, so I didn't.

"Are you sure?" Vanessa asked.

"Yes. This is Papi's grandson, and he is so excited to be here to make sure no corners are cut."

"I appreciate that."

I clapped my hands together. "Great, make the calls you need to make. Let's get you scheduled as soon as possible."

Vanessa had seemed so unsure and terrified when we had first arrived, but now, the light was back in her eyes.

As I sat by her while she made the calls and scheduled a surgery consultation for the next morning, I felt so grateful that San had insisted that we make the journey to Baltimore.

I would have hated being so far from Vanessa and the baby, knowing that this was on the horizon.

For hours, we planned for what was to come and did our best to help Vanessa come to terms with life after this pregnancy.

I told her everything that I wished someone had told me before I handed Beth off to Shelby, and then I slept wrapped around her until she was finally in a deep sleep.

Only then did I allow myself to step away from Vanessa, who seemed way more peaceful than when I'd arrived.

When I stepped into the dining room, Santana and Asha were sitting together, staring at Asha's phone.

"Hey." I said, and I was surprised that my voice sounded so grating.

They looked up with identical grins and guilty looks in their eyes.

Asha put her phone on the table and nudged Santana, who got up and pushed her hand through her hair like Antonio was always doing.

"Did you know that her fiancée was so hot?" San always told on herself and I loved it.

That old Cheerio glare of mine still worked.

I held my hand out to Asha, "Let me see."

Asha looked sheepish as she handed her phone to me, and I rolled my eyes until I saw the woman.

"Whoa, Asha, she is way out of your league."

"So were you." She teased, and Santana's Cheerio glare, which was useless on me, apparently worked on Asha, who rolled her eyes.

"Okay, you two are both really hot when you do that. It's infuriating that I can't do anything about it. I have finals left this week, so I'm going to go study."

I had never seen Asha move so quickly, and it made San smile.

"I can see why you and Asha had a thing. Maybe if I had someone to relieve my stress in Louisville, I would have never dropped out."

"You fall hard, San. If you had met someone like Asha, you would be right where you are, divorced or married too soon."

"Ouch."

"Did I hurt your feelings, Sugar tits?"

She huffed and then pulled me into a deep kiss. The feel of her lips on mine soothed all of the stress of the day.

When she pulled away from me but kept her arms tucked over my waist, she had lust in her eyes.

"I want to marry you, Q. I want to be with you in every way."

"And you will. You've waited six months. A few more weeks won't kill you."

"I sure hope not. I cannot die this frustrated."

Our flirting was interrupted by a cry, a thump, and cursing coming from Vanessa's room. I nearly reinjured my back, rushing towards her room.

One look at V's blood-drenched sheets, and I knew that it was time.

Vanessa had prepared for this moment more than I ever thought. With just one call to her doctor, we zoomed through check-in and straight into a single room for labor and delivery.

San had stayed in the waiting room to make phone calls to our family and Jake.

We decided that Beth didn't need to know about the labor portion of this, just in case the worst happened.

It sucked to keep her in the dark, but she'd lost enough. I couldn't put that kind of heaviness on Beth.

Santana asked for my blessing to call Lydia, to check in on our new baby but also to possibly be on standby to take Beth for a few weeks if need be.

My only job was to stand by Vanessa's side through everything.

Once we knew the baby was fine, but Vanessa wasn't, everything went into a plan to make sure that both baby and V made it out of this alive.

So, just five days before Christmas, I held Vanessa's hand while they cut her open.

"Thank you for this, V. You're doing so well, I'm so fucking proud of you." I whispered encouragement in her ears while she mumbled her prayers to the heavens.

I didn't think she was listening until I stopped, and she squeezed my hand so tight. "Don't stop. Tell me what's happening. It's too quiet."

And I had to remind her.

"His lungs aren't fully developed. His cry will be small. They all look focused, but no one looks worried."

"Doesn't mean they aren't."

"Okay, you're right. Cuts are done. They are preparing to take him out."

"Okay…fuck...that feels so weird."

"Weird?"

"Doesn't hurt, but I can feel the pressure."

"Oh."

"Is he out?"

I bit my lip as she dug her nails into my hand, squeezing it way too hard.

And then I felt the tears.

They took him out, his body slightly blue, but then they got to work.

I got a glimpse of the sack that housed his organs, feeling my stomach churn, knowing too well that we weren't out of the woods.

When I turned to V, her eyes were closed but she was taking deep breaths, trying her best to stay calm.

"He's out. They are working on him."

Only then did she open her eyes.

Her face looked ashen. "Go to him." Her voice was faint.

I alerted the doctor just as the machines went crazy.

They didn't even need to usher me out. I knew the drill.

"Please be okay, V." I called out as they shut the OR doors in my face.

"She's going to be fine. Go be with your son. We have her." The doctor assured me.

Even though she had begged me not to, I knew better than to let her wake up alone.

So I called her parents.

They needed to be there. It's what I'd want; God forbid Beth was ever laid in the hospital. I knew they didn't believe in extreme intervention in theory, but this was their only baby.

I knew that in practice, they wouldn't want any hesitation in saving her.

She needed to trust them to not let her die.

And if they let her down, I would step in.

That was the plan.

We had it signed and notarized, and my future father-in-law would make her final medical decisions.

And Antonio would never put religion over saving a life.

Thank God.

When Santana found me, I was sitting in the NICU, watching our little miracle baby sleep peacefully just a few hours after birth while silently praying for V.

"Hey, love," she said as she stepped closer, dressed in a gown and mask like I was.

"Hey."

"Papi is here. Lydia is on the way."

I nodded but was looking at the baby.

"Thanks for calling everyone." I said, just a little louder than a whisper. "Any news on Vanessa?"

San placed a rosary on top of the incubator and said a quick prayer before sitting down across from me.

"She's out of the woods. Papi is with her. She's very emotional and doesn't even want to see me. It stung, but at least she requested updates on our little fighter."

Fresh tears blocked my vision, and I tried my best to blink them away.

I was so tired and scared.

"Our village is the best. Who else did you talk to?"

"Your mom, she's in California and asked to visit us when you're ready. She promised not to drop in on us unannounced."

"Good. Who else?"

"Mami is ready to counsel you, but she told me that right now, more than anything, all you need is support and information."

"She's right."

"She usually is."

"How are you, Princess?" I saw her eyes light up, and that made me feel a little better.

"I'm okay. The doctors say his case is not as severe as it could be since his sack is intact. I know that you didn't have time to read over the documents from Vanessa, but I think you should. There's nothing bad in there, but after sharing them with Kitty, she thinks moving him to Philly might be the best for everyone."

"She who?"

"Kitty. Vanessa wanted minimal contact once she gave birth. Having him here for however long it takes to recover is going to be hard for her and us. We don't live here, so we'd need to travel to Baltimore frequently. Papi agrees that performing his surgery at CHOP so that all follow-up is close to home makes sense."

She looked nervous, but if there was one thing I had learned to trust above all else, it was the guidance of the Lopez family.

They were quickly becoming my north star.

Maybe God was paying attention to me again.

If so, I was going to cherish it for as long as it lasted.

"He's stable for now, so if I can hold off on moving him just yet, I want to because I promised Vanessa that she'd get to be with him for as long as she needed before we took him home. Has anyone talked to her about moving him to CHOP?"

"I don't think so."

"Okay, that needs to happen first."

"Do you want to talk to her, or should I?"

Maribel is always telling me how I need to trust people more, and something inside was urging me to do that right at that moment when I was feeling way too emotional to make any decisions.

"I trust you, San. He's your son, too. Can you handle this for me?"

"Yes."

"Okay. I want to do what's best for him, but I also want to keep Vanessa from becoming me. Does that make sense?"

"After Beth, yes."

"Thank you, S. I'm so grateful that we're doing this together."

"I know, right?! We are going to raise some amazing humans."

"Flawlessly."

"I love you, Luce."

"I love you too."

SANTANA'S POV

After years of dealing with Brittany's penchant for doubting my every move, it was refreshing to have Quinn trust me even after everything I've done.

I wanted so badly to stay in the NICU with her and obsess over the baby, but I knew that I had to be her partner in this.

After kissing her and then praying over the baby one more time, I left the NICU and headed back to the waiting room down the hall.

When I had left, Mami sat with Asha alone while Papi stayed by Vanessa's side, but when I returned, Papi was back, talking to Vanessa's parents off to the side while the best person in the world sat on Mami's lap.

I crouched down and opened my arms wide before calling to her, "Kiddo?" Beth turned towards me, grinning bigger than I had ever seen.

"He's here!" She said, then hopped from Mami's lap to run into my arms.

It had only been a few days, but I had missed her terribly. I kissed her cheeks until she giggled and then swept her up so that she could rest on my hip.

"Who did you come with?"

"Titi Lydia. She picked me up from my dad's, and then we drove here."

"That's cool. Where is she?"

"She said she was going to find you."

"Oh, then she might be with Mama already."

"Good." Beth examined my face and then pressed her cool palms to my cheeks. "Is Mama okay, and the baby too?"

"They are okay, Kiddo. The baby still needs to be close to the doctor's, but Mama is fine. You know how she worries."

"I do. Did you miss me?"

"I did, super much."

"Good. I missed you too. When can I see him?"

"Not sure yet. I have pictures, though."

And that seemed to be the magic word because Beth's lips, which had been turning into a frown, changed back to a smile.

"Show me!"

"Bring Beth here, Nanita. I want to see the pictures too. If you're here as Quinn's proxy, then you have to check on Vanessa." How did she know? "I'm not psychic. Quinn just texted me to remind you not to get sidetracked."

I should have known.

"I know, but how could I pass up getting some love from my little bestie?"

"She means me!" Beth giggled.

"I sure do!"

Having Beth there seemed to wipe away any worry that I hadn't even addressed yet.

I handed Mami my phone along with Beth before making my way towards Papi and Vanessa's parents.

When Papi saw me, he held his hand up to stop me in my tracks, "Go see Vanessa, I have this handled."

"But Papi-" I began, but he cleared his throat, and I knew not to push him.

What had I missed?

With the number of flowers and company that seemed to constantly stream in and out of her room, you'd think that Vanessa was a celebrity.

I had been standing just inside the door for a solid five minutes and still hadn't gotten a chance to talk to her.

She kept glancing my way while mid-conversation with her latest visitor but didn't pause to talk to me.

If you knew what to look for, it was easy to see through facades, and after three years together, Vanessa had picked up a lot of Quinn's traits.

There was a trash bin by the side of her bed full of crumpled tissues, a plate of food that was untouched, and mascara smudges just under her eyes.

She was not okay, and after the fourth time she looked my way, I saw through the glances and realized they were a cry for help.

These visitors were unwanted, but she was too damn nice to tell them to leave.

So I did.

"Okay, that's enough, let her rest! Aren't you all medical professionals? Don't you know that she just got her insides cut out and rearranged? Isn't there a sterile field near fresh wounds?"

Vanessa smirked as I held the door to the room open and waved her guests out.

"Who are you?" One of the doctors asked, "You need to be next of kin to be in here."

"Don't stand on protocol now, Dr. Dolittle. She needs rest, and I'm here to make sure she gets it. Tell your friends that Vanessa's visitor list has been exhausted. Thank you, don't come again."

He looked affronted, but I didn't care.

Once the door closed, I rested against it and looked back at Vanessa.

Her smile was gone, and her cheeks looked sallow and gaunt again.

"Thank you." She muttered.

"You don't need to thank me or Quinn again. Not after what you did for us."

She nodded and then pulled the blanket to her chin. "Are my parents still here?"

"Yes, they are having a heated talk with my dad. Do you know what about?"

"They disowned me. I told them everything about getting knocked up and about wanting an abortion until Quinn offered to take the baby. They wanted custody, and they are appalled that I'm giving him to the gays."

"Wait, I thought only gay people got disowned…why would they do that? You're their only kid."

"I shamed them. I don't blame them."

"Well, I do. Fuck them, Vanessa, you've got me and my family."

"I know. Antonio said the same thing, but you know how it is. You told me how hurt you still are about your Abuela…even though you have people…it hurts."

"Yeah. I know. I'm sorry, V."

"This is on me. I fucked up."

"Are they going to fight for the baby?"

"No. I signed him over already. There's nothing they can do."

"What can I do?"

"Your dad talked to me about transferring the baby to CHOP for the procedure. I think that would help. I got invited to meet my boyfriend's family. I've been honest with them since the beginning, and they accept me as I am. I'm going to spend the holidays with them, and they are doctors, so I'll be in good hands."

"That's a relief."

"Can I ask you for something?"

"Sure."

"When I'm ready, can you start giving me updates on him beyond medical stuff?"

"Didn't Q already agree to that?"

"She's going to tell me what she thinks I want to hear. I'm asking you to be real with me, Santana. I don't need every detail, but I would like it if you could keep me informed. He's my flesh and blood that will never change. I need to know that when I'm ready, the door will be open."

"Of course, Vanessa. You have my word."

"Good. You'll be happy to know that I have already talked to the surgeon that was going to operate on him and she is close with the surgeon at CHOP that will take over his case. They have room for him. Can you let Quinn know?"

"Q says you asked for time with him."

"I thought it'd be what I wanted, but now, I realize that it's too fresh. I need time to separate myself from the thought of him being mine alone."

"Okay, but you'll tell me the moment you're ready, right?"

"I will."

"And you'll lean on my parents whenever you need, right?"

"Are you sure that's okay?"

"They'll be offended if you don't."

"They've been amazing so far, and I wouldn't want to do anything to ruin that."

"Once you have the Lopezes in your corner, V, it's for life. Blood in, blood out, gang, gang."

And just like that, the sniffling sap that Vanessa had been lifted just a bit.

"Thank you, S. It's a blessing to be an honorary Lopez."

"You're damn right it is."