INK. (Coldplay)
QUINN'S POV
CHRISTMAS EVE
"Are you sure that you're not upset that we aren't celebrating Christmas in New York?"
Beth let go of my hand and did a solo spin on the ice while I watched in awe.
My back ached, so I told her to stay close while I rested against the wall. Beth was showing me how much better she'd gotten at spinning since Santana had shown her how to do it.
Leave it to my fiancée to be the most athletic person on Earth, no matter what activity she was doing. I used to wonder how she kept up with Brittany's crazy antics, but now I have a front-row seat to her athleticism.
We were in Philly because the baby needed round-the-clock care while we waited for his next surgery. During the holidays, it was easy to get lost in all the paperwork and legalities, but I couldn't let that stop me from taking care of Beth.
Beth was still my number one girl, so we'd come to the rink, just the two of us, and I wanted to make sure she wasn't too disappointed about not being in New York to keep Shelby's traditions alive.
"I'm okay, Mama. I want to be near my brother. I want to be here when Titi says it's safe to visit. We can celebrate anywhere. See, I'm skating just like always."
"If you're disappointed, you can tell me, Sweets, honest."
"I'm a big sister, Mama. I wanted this more than anything. I can't bring my Mom back, she lives in here." She pointed to her chest and her head. "And here, right now, my brother needs me to be the best big sister."
"You're already the best big sister in the world."
"I know, duh!"
"Hey, be humble, Sweets."
"No, thank you, Mama. When it comes to being the best big sister, I want everyone to know how much I love him the most."
"The most?" I said, teasing her, and her face flushed bright pink.
"Oh, look, Santana's back," she said before taking my hand and leading us towards the gate.
A pain shot across my back as I moved next to Beth, with one hand on the wall.
Santana raised her eyebrow, and I looked down at my feet instead of at her; I knew she'd seen me cringe.
There was no hiding my pain, and I wasn't sure I wanted to. I'd hid so much in the past, which led to addiction and recklessness, two things I couldn't afford to get wrapped up in.
Not anymore.
I had been overdoing it with the hospital chairs, compounded by the fact that I'd spent hours on my feet trying to make our tiny place look festive while also researching everything there was to know about our son's condition.
San was side-eyeing me as she held me onto solid ground, and I knew that she was waiting for me to be honest about my pain unprovoked since the last time she'd asked me about it, I'd snapped at her.
It was shitty of me, but like I said, I'm tired.
I had God's favor with Vanessa and the baby both making it through delivery fine, but that seemed to be where the favor ended.
Instead of waiting for San to help me out of my skates, I hobbled over to the closest bench to do it myself.
The first skate came off just fine, but as I bent to take off the second skate, a sharp pain shot up my back, and then my body got hot.
When the dizziness hit me, I knew that I'd hit a limit.
I sat up to catch my breath, and my head began pounding; I could feel the nausea roiling, and I jumped up just in time to vomit into the trash can.
Of course, I forgot I was still in one skate and ended up stumbling back towards the bench, smacking my hip against it in the process.
"Fuck!" Santana hadn't been watching me while she helped Beth out of her skates but now had eyes on me as I stood hunched over the bench, trying to catch my breath.
But the world was still spinning.
"Quinn!" San yelled and caught me before I crashed into the ground. "You've been overdoing it, Reina. Do you want to be back in a wheelchair? Is that your goal?" She muttered against my face as she helped me get steady on the bench before removing my other skate.
Santana was waiting for me to respond to her questions, but I couldn't muster up words, so instead, I just shook my head.
"Are you okay, Mama?" Beth asked. I looked over and could see how worried she was for me, and I knew then that I must look worse than I felt.
"I'm sorry." I mumbled.
"You don't look so good." Beth said, touching my side, and I flinched.
I looked at Santana, but she wasn't looking at me; she was instead pointing at the coat that was thrown on the ground by her feet.
"Kiddo, grab my phone from my pocket and call Abuelo."
Happy to have a job, Beth didn't hesitate to do as she was told.
I thought it was bad that Santana and Beth were worrying over me, but Antonio's stern gaze was much worse when he showed up moments later.
Thankfully, it wasn't aimed at me. "What did I tell you, Nanita? I warned you not to let her overwork herself." He lectured.
"Not now, Papi. I need you to get Beth home. Let me take care of Q." Santana had been standing firm against a light pole while I rested back against her. It looked romantic to anyone who didn't realize that her firm grip on my hips was what was holding me up. My legs were tingling, which made terror flow through me.
I couldn't do this, and I couldn't ruin Beth's holidays. So I did what Santana wouldn't want me to, but I was all about self-preservation at the end of the day.
She knew better.
"No. Pop can take me to the doctor." Even though it hurt, I pulled away from her and stood to my full height. She was holding her hands out just like she did way back at prom when I first stood from my chair, and she was prepared to catch me.
It was endearing and so fucking charming.
Even in my pain, I could see that.
"Quinn, this isn't the time to be stubborn." She insisted.
"I know. This isn't about me. It's about you being Beth's other mom. It's Christmas Eve, and one of us should be home with her. If I can't be with her, I need you to promise that you always will be."
She raised her eyebrow. "I don't like how you said that."
"Tough. Now, promise me."
"I promise, Q. I'd do anything for our kids and for you."
"Good. Now, go rescue Maribel before Beth convinces her to don a pair of ice skates."
They followed my gaze towards the ice skate rental counter where Beth was supposed to be returning our skates, but instead, she had that pleading look in her eyes.
"She would!" San agreed, then looked to her father. "Papi, don't let Q talk you out of getting her to see someone."
"Of course not. Go save your mother. I don't want to spend the night in the ER."
She kissed his cheek and then pressed a quick kiss to my lips before rushing to stop her mother from potential injury.
The first moment that Antonio could get me in a wheelchair, that's what he did. He'd made friends with the doctors at the hospital from back when San was there, so I shouldn't have been so surprised to see that they were waiting for me.
Even in a big city, Antonio Lopez had pull; would I ever be that way?
I endured an hour-long MRI and freezing cold X-ray before I was allowed to lay in a warm bed.
My delusional self thought it would be only Antonio that I'd have to deal with, but it was Christmas Eve, and we had canceled our New York trip, but that didn't mean people weren't going to do what they could to be near Beth.
So Maribel, Antonio, and Santana were taking Beth to her favorite restaurant to keep her occupied.
Unfortunately for me, that meant that when I was wheeled back into the room, I was faced with the last person I wanted to deal with when I felt like this.
My mother.
"I came as soon as I could."
"You said you'd only come if I called." I whined. "I didn't call you."
"Yes, I know, thankfully Santana called me. I had a ticket on standby, so here I am."
"Where is everyone staying? My apartment is not big enough for all of you."
Mother grinned, then held out a set of keys for me. "Surprise."
"What is this?"
"This was a joint effort between me and Maribel. We found you a four-bedroom house on Cherry Street. It's spacious, walking distance to Beth's school, and for the next year it will be yours."
"I don't plan on being here that long."
"Don't worry about that. Instead, use the manners that your father and I taught you."
"Thank you, Mother."
"You're welcome."
"Beth is going to be excited."
"Definitely, it has a small yard that she can play in that already has a swing set with a slide."
"Even better."
She grimaced, and it made me angry; I hated how being around my mother made me turn into a petulant teenager.
"What is it, Mother?"
"Unfortunately, it has stairs, so I'm going to need you to stop neglecting your physical therapy. You were told that PT was a lifelong commitment to keep you out of the wheelchair. When was the last time you went."
"Not since my last summer at home."
"That stops now. I know we had our falling out over your father, but I am still your mother. In case you forgot, I was the one who took care of you and helped you walk again. It was me that cleaned you when you were incontinent, wiped your ass, and changed your pads when you didn't have the strength."
My cheeks were on fire as embarrassment overwhelmed me. "Mother, stop. You swore you wouldn't bring that up."
"Desperate times call for desperate measures, Quinn."
I pulled back the sheet until I could see my toes, wiggled them, and pulled my legs up until they were crossed. "I can move my legs; I'm okay."
"You're heavily medicated."
"Yeah, so?"
"Temporarily, right?"
"Of course! My son is coming home at some point. I can't be high for that…I can't jeopardize Beth or my life with Santana. I have so much to lose. My life is finally on track. There's no way I'm throwing that away."
"Good, I'm glad you recognize that."
I thought Judy was finished, but she was just getting started, and I sat there quietly while she talked to me about everything from how distant I'd been to how hurt she felt about the state of her relationship with her grandchildren.
Just when I thought I was close to snapping, Santana came into the room.
"Can you excuse us, Mom?" Santana asked Mother, and of course, for her sweet, soon-to-be daughter-in-law. Judy didn't hesitate. Instead, she gave Santana a quick hug before stepping out.
"How do you do that?" I asked San, and she gave me a tight smile. "Uh oh, I don't like that expression."
San took my hand in hers and lifted it to her lips, kissing my fingers before taking a seat by my side while still holding firmly to my hand.
"Listen, Q, preliminarily, things aren't looking good. I need you to listen to the doctor when she comes in."
"Why?"
"Don't be stubborn."
"Impossible."
"Fine, can you at least hear them out?"
"Fine."
I looked over at the morphine drip, then at Santana, who was watching me.
"Can you ask them to lower my dosage?"
She seemed surprised at my request.
"Are you sure?"
"Morphine makes me angry. I need to not be enraged every other second."
The door opened, and the doctor came in with that patronizing smile that always made me furious.
Santana kissed my face and then nodded towards the morphine drip. "Quinn requested a lower dosage. She's had issues with opioids in the past, and this one makes her really pissy."
I glared at Santana, but she kept a straight face.
"It's set to automatic; I can space the timing a bit, but with the level of injury we are looking at, I'd caution against lowering the dosage for the moment."
"Is that okay, Luce?" San asked so sweetly, and I begrudgingly nodded.
"Fine."
Once Dr. Johnson started talking, I forgot all about my irritation over Judy or the anger spikes. Instead, my heart was racing as I listened to the doctor talk about surgery followed by months of rehab.
They were going to fuse my spine, which meant that instead of Mother taking care of me, it would be Santana, and I didn't think she'd be able to handle that.
Would she even want to marry me anymore?
"Before you even get embarrassed, I don't care about helping you in the bathroom, Q. Til death do us part is a big part of marriage."
"You would know." I muttered.
Where did that bitterness come from?
Santana, though, knew how to handle me better than most.
"I sure do. Although, people are going to start thinking I'm blowing out my wives' backs so bad they end up in wheelchairs." She said, in poor taste.
"Gross." I said, dropping her hand, but she took it back and kissed my knuckle.
"Yeah, that was a shitty thing to say. I'm sorry."
I rolled my eyes and looked back at Dr. Johnson.
"Excuse her rudeness." I said, and she waved me off.
"I've heard worse things. Do you need some time to think about surgery?" She asked, looking from Santana to me.
"I do, actually."
And with that, joking, easygoing, Santana went out the window as she looked at me in shock.
"What do you mean you need time? This is serious, Luce." San insisted, but I wasn't looking at her; instead, I looked at the doctor.
"What's your differential diagnosis? Is there a non-surgical option, at least until May? I want to walk across the stage at graduation."
Just as I was asking, the attending came in and asked to be briefed on what had been shared with me.
Dumb move.
With Dr. Johnson, I was much closer to leaning toward surgery, but then this asshole came in, and once he knew I wanted a differential diagnosis, he looked at Santana instead of me.
Asshole.
"Why are you looking at her? I'm the patient. I don't want to talk to you. Dr. Johnson was doing a fine job!" I snapped at him, even though I recognized him as the doctor who saved Santana's life, and I knew he was the best at what he did, but fuck that. I needed the respect he wasn't showing me directly.
I looked away from him and back at Dr. Johnson.
"Quinn's right, Dr. Allen, it's her choice."
"Exactly. You were saying, Dr. Johnson."
"Instead of replacing the rod, we can secure it enough to get you mobile for the next few months, but it won't be a permanent fix. At the moment, you are still a candidate, but it will mean daily physical therapy, no strenuous activities, and not lifting anything over a certain weight until after the surgery."
"Can I hold my newborn?"
"Yes."
"And my daughter?"
"Unfortunately, no. Lifting her could cause irreparable damage."
"Okay. What about sex?"
"With care, sexual activities can continue. Just no swings or anything like that." Dr. Allen said, blushing, and I rolled my eyes at him.
He was on my shit list, no matter how he tried to change his shitty attitude.
Santana shook her head at him, and he made a lame excuse before leaving the room again.
"Is he always talking over you like that?" I asked Dr. Johnson, but she didn't respond. Instead, she swiped her tablet screen and smirked.
"Say less," Santana said before huffing and kissing my hand again. I knew she didn't agree with me putting off surgery, but like she'd said to the other doctor, it was my choice.
"Okay, when can you do the temporary fix? What's the healing time for that? How soon can we do it?" I asked.
"Seriously, Q, you don't want to talk this through with Papi or even Mami?" San asked. I shook my head, not daring to look at her.
"We can perform the surgery on Monday, and with bed rest, you should be back on your feet in about two weeks."
"Perfect! Sign me up."
Until that moment, Santana had been holding tight to my hand, but when I steamrolled over her protests, she dropped it.
I thought she'd storm away, but instead, she cleared her throat. "So Doc, like I said earlier, she has a history with opioids. Can you make sure that you cut off her narcotics as soon as they aren't necessary?"
"Do you seriously not care about HIPPA?" I snapped at Santana.
Dr. Johnson looked at me and asked me point blank. "Would you like to file a report?"
"No, I just don't like being talked about like I'm not right fucking here."
I was glaring at Santana, and Dr. Johnson was quick to wrap things up so she could leave the room.
"In that case, I'll write a script for the next three days. You'll need your system cleared before surgery. Until then, no strenuous activity, avoid running, stairs, and anything else that would interfere with your eligibility for this procedure. I'll put the full list of things to avoid in your discharge paperwork."
"Okay, perfect."
"Do you have any questions for me?"
"No."
"I'll get your discharge paperwork started."
"Thanks, Dr. Johnson."
She gave a pointed look at Santana, one that San seemed to understand because she gave a brief nod before turning to me.
Once the doctor left, I braced myself for Santana's notorious temper, but instead of snapping at me, she sat on the edge of the bed and placed her hands on the sides of my face.
"Go ahead, S, let me have it. I know you want to."
She leaned in and kissed my lips a few times before pulling back with a soft smile, her hands still cradling my face like I was her most precious thing.
And maybe I was, so I tried to stay open for her.
"I love you, Quinn."
"And I love you too, S."
"Good. I understand that you don't want to be in the hospital during the holidays, and I know you don't want to be out of commission when Gabriel comes home, but I will not let you self-destruct."
"I'm not. This isn't your decision. It's mine. You said so yourself."
"And I support whatever you decide, I just need you to remember that you don't get to be selfish anymore, we have little people depending on us. Don't you dare attempt to brush this surgery off. I won't watch you sabotage yourself. Understand?"
"I'm not brushing it off."
"Are you sure? Because that's what it seems like."
"Well, I'm not, so back the fuck off…please." I said, trying to fix my tone, but her nostrils flared, and she swallowed hard.
"Seriously, Q?" She was searching my eyes, "Why are you acting like I did this to you?"
"I'm not."
"You are, and it's taking everything in me to stay right here and fight for you instead of with you. It's hurtful that you're pushing me away."
"Please don't be mad."
She dropped her hands and sighed, looking defeated. "I'm not mad, maybe a bit disappointed but I'm not mad. I am here because I love you, and I want to fight for you just as hard as you fight for me."
Her words hit me like a sucker punch.
She was right, and I owed her more than my stubbornness; she needed to know the why behind what I was doing.
"Okay, I'm sorry, I really am. I want this fix for now, but if in the next few days the pain is too bad, I will reconsider. Okay?"
"Promise me."
"I promise."
She kissed my face, but I tipped her chin and kissed her lips until she was smiling at me again.
Thank God!
"Our parents got us a house." I said, trying desperately to change the subject once I could see she wasn't going to lose her shit.
"Yeah, I know. Papi and I discussed it. The family can stay there until I'm sure you can handle the stairs. The apartment makes more sense right now for us and Beth since it's one floor."
"After you climb up the front steps, it's one floor."
"I'll carry you if I have to."
"Are you as annoyed as I am about the house?"
"Maybe." She huffed, and I could see that her, maybe, was more like a definitely. We were control freaks. This was our parents' overstepping. The difference between us is that San was used to this and would relent while I was NOT used to it, at least not without a price, so I didn't trust it.
"If your parents weren't involved, I wouldn't trust it."
"I imagine that's why your mom went through my parents to get this place. This is overstepping, even for them."
"I knew it!"
"You know what, though?"
"What?"
"It's a nice thought, and they paid for it, so once I get over my annoyance at them and, honestly, at you, I'll recognize it for the gift that it is."
"I'm sorry, San."
"Don't be sorry, just don't get hooked on those pills, and don't overdo it. Promise me."
"I promise."
"Good, now let's see how you are with standing."
"You got it, babe."
She glared at me with a small smirk. "You can't flirt your way out of me being annoyed, Q."
"But I can damn sure try, sugar tits."
"It's not going to work."
"Challenge accepted."
SANTANA'S POV
The apartment was stuffed to the gills with people wanting to wake up with Beth on Christmas morning.
Papi and Mami took Judy to the new house to alleviate some of the crowding.
Vincent, Lydia, and their kid were more than enough as it was but then Noah Puckerman showed up to add to the overflow.
He had gotten a few extra days of leave to spend the holidays with Beth, which was a surprise that I didn't realize I needed just as much as Beth did.
I sat outside in the freezing cold long after everyone was asleep, wanting a cigarette badly, but instead, I was nursing a cup of coffee.
My brain was cycling through all the changes in the past year when I saw a Santa walking towards me with a bag over his shoulder. After living in New York, I didn't even flinch once I heard him talking to me.
"Ho ho ho, Lopez." He said, and I groaned once I recognized the voice.
"What are you doing here, Puckerman?"
"I got approved for extra leave, I was hoping to wake up with Beth. I brought gifts. I wanted to get here once she was asleep. Figured you'd be awake still."
"How did you know I'd be up? It's the middle of the night."
"A hunch."
"Vincent and Lydia are here, so the beds are full. You'll have to sleep on the couch or the floor."
"Works for me. I don't take up much space."
"Fine. If you stay, you're making breakfast."
"Deal."
"I should head in. Come on." I muttered as I got up from the step; instead of following, he stood there watching me.
"I thought you'd want to talk first," he said, and I turned and glared at him.
"What?!"
"Jake told me Quinn called him to ask if Beth could stay with him after she gets back from Texas because of a surgery."
"So you know?"
"That she fucked up her back, probably overdoing it? Yeah. That's just Quinn, though. Why are you pissed off?"
"Because Quinn had an option to fix her back permanently, but because it just meant a longer recovery time, she turned it down."
"Duh. Why are you even surprised?"
"What do you mean?"
"Why are you acting like she hasn't been the same person since we've met her? Quinn likes everything to be on her timeline. She needs to be in control. I'm sure you've seen that up close."
He winked, and I tried my best not to think of him screwing her.
"Don't act like you haven't. She's not one to kiss and tell, but I know her well enough. There's no way she submitted to you."
"No, instead, she laid there like she was doing me a favor."
"Harsh."
"Not my problem anymore. Quinn is always going to be selfish. That's how she's wired. Her parents and sister made her that way. If she didn't put herself first, no one else would."
I stood there hugging myself, feeling so fucking tired and scared.
"She's supposed to be different now, not the same stubborn bitch from high school. I've spent so long being with someone manipulative and selfish…I can't do it again. She's not alone, I'm right here!"
I could feel fresh tears fighting to break free, but I was resisting a breakdown.
Some of this was the exhaustion of the past few days. The baby still hadn't been cleared for a full surgery, and then there was Christmas and our families. This surgery was just one more thing.
I understood why Q didn't want to deal with a long recovery. I just didn't like it.
"Look at me." He said, and I did, even though I didn't want to.
He smirked at me. "She's not Brittany. My brother told me about the proposal, how Quinn Fabray was the one that asked you, which is big all by itself but add to that some stupid shit B pulled. Yeah, Quinn is a pain in the ass, but you know as well as me that she loves hard, and once she is in your corner, you are set for life."
"Maybe she is, maybe she's not." I muttered.
"Do I need to bring up how she kicked you into gear last Thanksgiving?"
"That's not necessary."
"Remember how you cried about not being in her family picture? Now look at you."
My chin wobbled, and the tears stung my cheeks.
Fuck, I didn't want to cry in front of him.
I wiped my tears away and tried to swallow back a sob.
"I don't want to get hurt again. I don't want to ever be driven to darkness, I was so fucking broken." I admitted.
"Look, I don't know much about the two of you because if I'm fully honest, it sucks that she picked you over me, but there is no one better for you than her and no one better for her than you. When I look at you two, it makes sense. I'm at peace knowing the love you have for each other, and I'm so happy that things worked out this way."
"You are?"
"Fuck, yeah. Support her, San, she has spent her life needing people that hold her up even when she stumbles. I promise you, if you stand by her, eventually she'll see how stupid she's being and will love you more for being there."
"Yeah, okay…I hope you're right."
"I am right. I love you, and as much as she needs support, you need someone to fight for you, and to step in when you are too tired, and there's no one better at that than Q."
"Thanks." I said, still feeling overwhelmed. "I mean, I knew all that, but it's good to hear it."
"Shut up, and come here." He said, and it wasn't until Puck dropped his bag and pulled me into a hug that I let the tears come. I felt so fucking lost. Why did this hurt so bad?
Fuck.
"She's not Brittany." He assured me. "You weren't there while she recovered, not really, San. Quinn was so close to killing herself. Not just because of the drugs but because of everything she'd been through over the years. She was tired of being alive. It took a lot to get her to fight to walk. She won't say it but she's probably terrified to get to that dark place as much as you are."
I nodded against his chest. "I know."
"If you know, then why are you taking it so hard?"
"Because I'm fucking terrified too."
"Of what?"
"What if I'm not strong enough to hold her together? I'm not even a year sober, Puck. What if I'm crushed under the weight of holding her up?"
"She's not Brittany. Yeah, she may go to a dark place, but she's Quinn. There's no way she's going to expect to carry her forever."
"No, instead, she's going to hold it in, be secretive, and probably lie, which is worse."
"Then don't let her. I let Finn be that way and ended up losing him. I thought I was respecting his privacy, but he was crying out for help in his own way. I just didn't want to see it. When it comes to Quinn, you don't have to be that way. Call her out in the way that only you can."
"Thanks, you jerk." I muttered. "That makes perfect sense. I hate that you're right."
"Anytime."
"Did you bring me a gift?"
"Sure did."
"What is it?"
"A boomerang from Australia."
"No shit?"
"To be honest, I've been holding onto it for Brittany, but after all the shit she pulled, there's no way I'm giving her anything."
"You're right. She would have loved it. I'm glad that I got it instead."
"I thought you would be."
"Thanks for not holding a grudge about me and Q."
"How could I? She's loved you more than I've seen her love anyone besides our kid."
"You mean that?"
"Yes, and honestly, it's only because you are you that I don't mind stepping back to let you be the parent Beth deserves."
"Just don't step back too far. You wanted her back just as bad as Q did."
"I don't think anyone wanted her back more than Q. I'm a close second, but since she gave up Beth, Quinn hasn't gone a single day without wanting to be her mom. Don't let her forget that, okay."
"I don't think that's possible."
"Have you met her? With Quinn Fabray, anything is possible."
"Touche."
Even though I had demanded that Puck make breakfast, once we were inside, I was too wired to sleep, especially with Beth between me and Q, so I hunkered down in the living room with Puck and re-wrapped his gifts.
After he passed out on the couch, I began prepping and then cooking breakfast for the masses, knowing that my parents and Judy were planning to show up before dawn.
By the time they showed up, I had coffee waiting and was just about to start a fire.
The sun was coming up, and I knew that the apartment would soon be alive with music and noise.
It was officially too late to rest but Papi took one look at me and knew I hadn't slept.
"You've done enough, Nanita. Go be there when she wakes up."
"Why?"
"Because I know you're upset with her, but when I asked her what she wanted for Christmas, she said she wanted to wake up to her family."
"Beth is with her."
Mami raised an eyebrow, "And how often does she wake up to you?"
And I knew immediately that she was right.
"Fine."
I grabbed two small, wrapped gifts from under the tree and took them to the bedroom, and thankfully, those drugs had kept Quinn asleep.
Beth though, was awake staring at the ceiling with tears in her eyes.
"Hey, Kiddo." I whispered. "What's wrong?"
"I miss my mom."
"Oh. Not being in New York is getting to you?"
"Yeah."
"You told your Mama that you were fine." I said, glancing over at Q who was drooling on my pillow still.
"I am, I just get sad sometimes."
"And you don't want to hurt your Mama's feelings."
"Yeah."
"Can I tell you a secret?"
She nodded with a smirk. "Yeah."
"Your Mama already knows you're sad, and she's been planning a surprise for you."
Beth sat up, unknowingly bumping Quinn and waking her.
Q though, took one look at Beth and then me, then gave me a brief nod before closing her eyes.
When we were adulting the other night, she suggested that we skip the theme park in Texas this year.
She needed to not reopen her trauma, and I agreed.
Beth glanced at Q, and then back at me. "What's the surprise?"
"We thought it would be fun to spend the first few weeks of summer in New York, doing some of the old traditions but also some new ones."
"Really?"
"Yup."
"That makes me feel better. Thank you!"
"Don't thank me, thank your Mama."
Beth's head snapped to the side, and she grinned wide when she saw Quinn looking back at her.
"Is that okay, Sweets?"
"More than okay!" Even in her excitement, Beth was cautious about hugging Quinn softly. "I love you, Mama. Thank you so much."
"You're welcome, and you know what else?"
"What else?"
"You can make another list."
And Beth fist pumped, "I LOVE lists."
"Who says that?" I teased, and they both looked at me like I was crazy and, in unison, replied.
"I do!"
Mami was right; there was nothing better than waking up with my two favorite girls, and I promised myself right at that moment that I would do what I could to never pass up the chance again.
Not long after Quinn woke up, the music started and there was a knock at the door.
Beth jumped from the bed and took one long look at us. "I'll hold down the fort while you two put your faces on."
"Seriously, Kiddo, how are you this awesome?" I asked Beth, and she shrugged.
"I was born this way." She winked before kissing both me and Q, before hopping out of the room like an actual bunny.
Once the door shut, I felt a tug on my shirt sleeve.
When I looked at Quinn, she had a serious look on her face. "You look too serious for Christmas." I thought she'd smirk, at least, but her expression didn't change.
And then I noticed that she hadn't really changed her position since I'd come into the room.
"Don't panic." She said, and why did she say that?
"That has never, in the history of the world, been a good way to get someone to not panic."
"I know." And then a tear slid from her eye.
"Can you move?"
"I've been trying to sit up this whole time." She admitted, and my heart sank.
"Q." I was about to lecture her but she beat me to it.
"I'll get the permanent fix." I felt relieved. "On one condition."
"Name it."
"Beth can't be here."
"What?!"
"San, Gabriel is going to be in the hospital for months. I'm going to be a handful. It's going to be too much for Beth."
"No."
"What do you mean, no? I'm doing what you wanted."
"Do you trust me, Q?"
It would have been iffy to ask in the past, but I was confident that we had moved past the distrust.
"I do."
"Then trust me when I say that this is the time to have Judy stay with us. She can help with Beth and Gabe once he gets home. She can even help with some of the things you are uncomfortable with me doing for you."
"I hate this." She said, looking so defeated.
"I'm here, Luce. I won't let her take over. I promise you, we are a team, and you know as well as I do that a flyer is only as good as their base."
"Cheerleading metaphors, really?"
"Am I wrong?"
"No. You're right."
"Great. So, new plan. Puck is here," Her eyes went wide, but before she could interrupt, I added, "I'm going to let the adults know you're in pain. We'll distract Beth. I'll have Puck pick you up and get you settled in the living room so we can open gifts. There's no way I'm letting you miss Christmas."
She began to get misty-eyed as she smiled.
"Fuck, I love you, Santana."
"I love you too."
"Thank you for supporting me through this."
"Til' death do us part, Q. I've got you."
When I saw a smile take over her place and not leave, even when I had to carry her to the bathroom and help her clean up, I knew that without the pep talk from Puck, I wouldn't be operating at my best self.
Once she had food and a painkiller, I sat by her side and held her against me while the other adults took over handing out gifts.
And when Quinn looked her mother in the eyes and asked her to move in with us for the next six months, I chimed in when I felt her happiness fading.
Quinn kept her façade intact until everyone left us in the apartment all alone a few hours later.
The moment the door closed behind Beth and Puck, I heard the sob break from her, and it nearly tore my soul apart.
She was looking right at me. She cried harder than I had seen her do in ages.
"Do you want to get back in bed?" I asked as I knelt in front of her.
"I do…but it's not what I need."
"Tell me what you need, Reina."
With watery eyes and a sad smile, she relented, "I need the hospital." More tears dropped down her cheeks, but she still tried to smile through her pain. "The numbness is spreading up my back, and the parts that aren't numb hurt so badly."
"Shit. How long has it felt this bad?"
"Since I sat down."
"Wow, Q, I can't believe you held out this long."
"I did it for Beth and you. You're six months sober today…I needed to not overshadow it with my own problems."
"I…I forgot."
"Did you decide on your vow?" She said, keeping us on the subject.
"Seriously? You're asking that right now?" She hissed as she tried to readjust. "Should I get Papi back over here?"
"No. It's Christmas. Let them enjoy the morning, at least. I think I can make it to the car. I just need you to drive. Please?"
"Say less."
Quinn looked like her world was falling apart but I knew in my heart that I loved her so much that I would never let her fully break.
I'd be her rock.
Even if it hurt.
And in her pain, she felt the same way because once we were on the way to the hospital, she slowly placed her hand on my lap.
"Once I'm admitted, call your parents and my mother. You can brief everyone else, but only our parents can be here. I need you to make sure of that."
"Okay."
"Don't you spend a moment alone today, understand? If you feel like you're slipping, go see our son."
"Yeah, okay, I can do that."
"I love you, Santana Lopez, and I can't wait to be your wife."
"Me either. Today, tomorrow, and forever after that."
"Forever and a day?"
"Forever and a day."
"And the vow?"
"Is over. I don't want to wait another day to be yours."
"I need to be able to feel my clitoris before I get married. So right after surgery, feel free to kidnap a priest."
Q had that evil Lopez grin before even becoming a Lopez. It made me smile.
"I know you're kidding, but just to be sure, Q, there is no way I'm kidnapping a priest."
"Fine." She grumbled. "At the very least, can we be secretive about it? Mother won't let me have a moment of peace if she finds out."
"Her and Mami both."
"Not to mention Beth."
"Maybe eloping is dumb. Our little village isn't that big. Maybe that's how I'll fill my time while you get fixed up."
"Sounds like a plan."
She looked sleepy, and I was nervous to let her give in, but I knew just how hard it was to stay awake through immense pain."
"Rest, Q. I've got this."
"I love you, Princess."
"I love you too."