Kindly Calm Me Down (Meghan Trainor)

QUINN'S POV

"I almost cheated on you." I blurted out as we sat in our empty new house in Philly.

We'd been here for less than a day...and were halfway through a bottle of sparkling wine as we waited for our furniture delivery, catching up on everything that we had missed about each other over the last few years.

Turns out that I know way less about her and our kids than I would like, while she has managed to keep up with just about everything about me, right down to my grades.

It was a shitty feeling, I just wanted to crawl under a rock...the whole conversation had been leaning towards me being negligent, absent, and down right isolated...Santana was in the middle of trying to trump up my ego with encouragement when the words left my lips and now, well now she is staring at me like I have three heads.

"Come again?" She finally said...her eyes squinted and her lips pursed.

"We had been so hot and cold in LA...then well you know Brittany showed up in our lives."

"And so you ALMOST cheated on your wife?" She asked, liking her lips and nodding, as she swirled my words around her mind. She lifted up her hands and looked around the living room. "Why not tell me before we left our old house, why bring that shit here?"

"I just...I don't know, I wanted to be honest about something for once."

"For once?!" Her voice got higher and she put the paper cup down, pushed her hands through her hair and gripped it in her fists and took a deep breath before plastering on a smile and looking at me with a level of softness that seemed a little too genuine. "You know what, you want to make this moment into something honest and real. Fine. We can do that. Best to get it out now and deal with it before the kids are here." She sighed, her hands falling from her hair to her lap.

"I don't like how defeated you sound." I admitted.

"Well, I can't help that, Q. I'm tired. I've been raising kids...your kids...our kids for four years practically by myself. I'm SO tired."

"I'm sorry."

"No...don't, I love them. I wouldn't trade my time with them for anything. I just need you to know that while you are chasing your dream and ALMOST cheating, I'm here. A little dejected, very neglected but here." She said, pointing her finger into the floor. "So even though I know that this next few years are going to be even worse, when it comes to you being around...I am going into it with eyes open and asking you, to please open yourself. Don't spend whatever time you have at home shutting us down."

"I won't. Especially not with you wanting to get pregnant."

She looked long and hard at me...then down at her stomach.

"No. You know what..." She looked into my eyes and shook her head. "We aren't doing that. Now that I've given it some thought...I want to wait."

I tried not to be hurt.

"Because of me?" I asked.

"Of fucking course! I'm nuts to think that I can handle a third kid, by myself." She said and it stung.

"San..." I began but she just smiled again.

"No. Look...it's stressful and I'm a recover addict. I can't risk being so depressed that I spiral, not when I am the anchor for those kids. I wanted a baby to fix us...draw you back to me but I was delusional."

"No...you're not. I'm here!"

"You ALMOST cheated and now you are preparing to sign your life away to this new job. Don't get me wrong, I'm so FUCKING proud of you for it, so much that I want you to focus on that and our kids. Maybe in a few years, after you've settled into it...gotten through a fellowship, then maybe."

What could I say...I mean this baby was just as important to me in bringing us back together as it had been for her.

It was something we had agreed on, even if it had been unspoken.

But she was right.

"I stopped it before it went too far." I blurted out and she just shook her head and stood up.

"Stop. Just, stop bringing the conversation back there. I'm going to call and check on the delivery. Just...try not to find something else to drive the knife into my back...okay?" She snapped at me before walking away from me...leaving me sitting on our shiny wood floors all by my stupid self.

SANTANA'S POV

"I need you to calm me down." I said frantically into the phone, while trying to breathe.

"You told me to my face that it wasn't my job to take of you, San. It's been two days, what happened?"

I pressed my palm to my forehead and let the tears come as I paced on the porch and tried not to break down.

"Nothing, you're right. I just feel like I'm losing my fucking mind. I'm just so tired of building my life around her and the kids. Am I a bad person for saying that?"

"No. At least I don't think so but what do I know? I couldn't keep you happy either and I just got my second abortion in a year, I'm pretty sure that I'm last person to give you advice. All I can say is that you chose her and you decided that they were worth it. So now you need to square the fuck up, get our yourself and actually honor the worse in better or worse. Just like you told me to do when I wanted to divorce Sam."

"Well shit." I sighed and she chuckled.

"Look, I need to go, I've got class. I hope you get over it and take your own advice. She loves you. Whatever is going on, you two are lobsters. I hate to admit it but it's true. So go...be a good wife...a better wife than I was to you."

"Thanks, B."

"Yeah. Sure. Bye San."

"Bye."

I wiped my eyes and called the furniture place, like I said that I would before forcing myself to go back inside.

Quinn was sitting right where I had left her, scribbling furiously on a note pad.

"How's Brittany?" She said, without looking up.

"Annoyed with me. She literally said that I needed to square the fuck up and get over myself." I huffed as I sat down across from my wife.

She looked up at me in puzzlement and I shrugged.

"Sounds like something you would say."

"It was almost word for word the advice I gave her."

She nodded and then took a deep breath.

"Gotcha."

Her hand smoothed over the notepad and she looked at me with a soft smile...her cheeks were flushed, giving away the fact that she had been crying.

"What's that?" I asked, trying my best to peek at her list.

"I opened a can of worms but I don't regret telling you the truth. So I made a list of the things that I have lied about. At least the big things. I hope that after I read this to you...we can really deal with the gap between us."

"Oh God...what else is there, Q? Did you kill someone?"

She grimaced and then rolled her eyes.

"No but my professors assure me that as a doctor, I will kill someone eventually."

"Sheesh...dark much?"

"It's a fact. Anyway. There aren't many things I have lied or kept from you but all of the things I haven't told you, are the kinds of things that can divide us even more."

"Fine...I guess I can tell you some things that you might want to know then too." I admitted, not sure that any of it really mattered after all this time.

I watched her face drop and wanted to cackle.

"Why did you cheat because that would make me feel SO much better."

I shook my head. "Nope...sorry kid. You're in that boat all by yourself."

"Damn."

QUINN'S POV

She crawled over to me and laid her head on my lap, so that she was looking up at me.

I could tell that she was trying to be playful, trying her best to deal with this with some level of humor and she was right, I hadn't killed anyone but I knew that what I had to say would hurt her.

And while I'd rather just keep shit to myself, the wall that it created wasn't doing us any good.

I draped my arm over her and leaned down to kiss her forehead...she purred and it made me feel a little braver.

"The night of your album release party, when I told you I was gonna study at the library, I ended up at a bar with a few of my school friends getting a plastered. I spent the next morning throwing up while you slept...that was the night I watched you and Brittany on Snapchat and I ended up going home with some girl in WeHo...I passed out on her couch. I left the moment I woke up."

"Wow...well that's all kinds of fucked up, Q, not to mention, really dangerous." She said, her face screwed up a bit.

"Yeah, I know. I got out of there before the sun was up...you were already in bed when I got there. Proving just how easy it would have been to be by your side that night. I hate myself for it. I still feel terrible about missing that night."

"Yeah well, obviously whether you were there or not, the album tanked. I was trying to hard to prove myself. While we're being honest, that night Brittany saved me from drunkenly accepting coke after the party. She watched that I had no more drinks after that and then drove me home, tucked me in, paid the sitter and made the kids lunches for school the next day."

I felt like an idiot as I mindlessly brushed my fingers through her hair and looked down into her eyes, in disbelief.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. We got in so late that I slept right through you getting home and leaving again. I'm glad you didn't cheat, can I ask though...what stopped you?"

"She did honestly, I was apparently angrily raging about you and Brittany all night...she set me up on the couch and turned me down for more than that until was sober."

"But then you left."

"Yeah...I tossed and turned for a bit, then stalked you and Britt on Snapchat until my phone died...at that point I tried to sleep but after another hour of tossing around...I gave up and came home. Are you mad?"

She shrugged and began to play with her nails, I'm sure, longing for a nail file.

"No. I'm okay actually. You left. Had you stayed and waited there for the morning...then I'd be pissed but you got up and left."

"Not even a little?"

"It's annoying but no. Q, we've been through worse. Right in this very city. Is that the worst of it?" She asked, her eyes squinting as she tried to imagine what else I'd done.

"There was my standing appointment to get my hair trimmed and my nails done every Monday at noon, when I was supposed to be in class and the monthly dinners with Mercedes when I said I had to work."

"Oh I knew about those. You're not as sneaky as you think." She said, with an eye roll.

"Did you?"

"Oh absolutely. In fact, I've been getting Beth out of school early once a month, to just go out and have a spa afternoon."

"Wait, when she's supposed to be in school?"

"Well, the first day of her period is always the worst...so I take her for ice cream and pampering."

"Wait...what do you mean her period?" I said, feeling my heart drop. "She doesn't have a period, she's a kid!"

I was in literal tears as Santana sat up and cupped my face in her hands.

"Aww, Luce, she's been getting her period for the last year, I thought you knew?" She said to me, with sad eyes.

"No! How would I have known?"

She shrugged as she brushed my tears away.

I'd missed my Beth's big moment...I felt robbed and cheated.

"It's okay, relax. I was here for it and now that you know, you can step in from time to time if you are able. She'd like that."

"I'm a bad mom." I whined and she nodded...which made me break down even more.

"You have had your moments but my love, so have I. So have my parents...no one is a perfect parent. NOBODY."

"I just...I wanted her back...I got her back and I've missed so, so much!" I said through my tears.

"You see it now, so make it a point to be there when you can. In the meantime, I'm here and they have everything they could possibly need."

"But me."

"Q...they have you...even if it's just glimpses. They know you are here and that you love them"

"Do they?" I blubbered and she nodded with a huge smile.

"They know and Beth, she's a freaking genius, just like you and so she gets the sacrifice you are making to be a good doctor."

"Yeah?"

"Yes."

SANTANA'S POV

I hovered over her in our new bed and kissed her face.

Her face was so pale and drawn after her crying session earlier but she was still the most beautiful woman in my eyes.

"Let's renew our vows, Q. Now that we know everything that we didn't before. Marry again." I whispered to her as I traced my fingers over nipple.

She looked at me with a small smile nodded.

"You'd still want to marry me?"

"Absolutely." I said, meaning it way more than I thought I would.

"Okay...yes. Let's renew them but can make a request?"

"Anything."

"No surprises, no extra people. Just us and the kids, I've got four days before I have to start work. Let's dip into the savings and fly somewhere...just the four us."

"You're kidding?" I said, thinking of the logistics of getting Gabriel from Vanessa's in Maryland early and somehow changing Beth's flight early.

"No, I'm not. Beth can fly from Texas and we can fly out of Baltimore."

"Where do you want to go?"

She smiled at me and rolled her eyes.

"Puerto Rico...duh!"

"Okay. Let's do it."

"We're doing this."

"Shit...yes. We are."

"We should celebrate." She said, her voice dropping an octave as she licked her lips.

"Huh?" I was distracted and she caught me off guard as she flipped us.

I rested my hands on her head as she took her time tracing my clit with her tongue.

My teeth bit into the flesh of my lip as she pushed her fingers into me.

"Yessss." I hissed.

Over the years, our rushed fucking had calmed into a more sensually slow pace.

She was savoring me and I was losing my mind!

I gripped her hair as she nibbled and when I came, with stars in front of my eyes, she persisted, edging me closer to another orgasm and I let her, even though I was sure she'd have a bald spot on the top of her head if she kept going.

"Fuck! Yes! Right there...oh...yessssss...LUCEEEEEEEEEE!" I screamed as I came again.

She released my clit with a pop and then slowly made her way up my body, her fingers still pumping, slow and steady.

"I missed you." She whispered to me and I nodded.

"Te...te...shit! Te extrañooooo!" I groaned as she began to nibble at my collar bone.

"Mmm." I scratched down her back and then smacked her ass. She jerked and slipped another finger in.

"Oh God!"

"More?" She whispered.

"More."

"Can you take it?" She asked.

"Yes! I can...yesssss." I hissed as she kept going until her hand was close to pushing all the way.

"Ayyyy...fuck!"

"You sure?" She asked.

"Don't fucking stop...Quinn...fuck!"

BETH'S POV

My mother's are insane.

One second they are fighting, the next I'm on a plane by myself to an island I've never been to, for a quick vacation?

Seriously, what is with them?

I stepped into baggage claim and there they were, looking happy...just like they used to be.

Maybe that's what Philly does to them.

Mami always says how she hates Los Angeles and if this is they way they are away from that place, then good riddance.

"Sweets!"

It's astounding how long it's been since I've heard my mother refer to me by that name.

For years, it's been Beth or honey or doll...I even got a Babe once but Sweets, that is like spotting Big Foot and the Tooth Fairy on a date at Nobu.

"Hi."

"Should we tell her?" She said to Mami, looking all giddy and crap.

"Go ahead."

"We are going down to the beach and you are going to marry us again...then we are going to lay on the beach celebrate just the four us."

"You're kidding?" I looked to Mami for some clarification and she looked just as lovestruck.

"Seriously."

"So you two aren't getting a divorce, I was sure that's what this move across the county was about." I said, probably raining on their sunshine but they both kept right on grinning.

"No. Sweets, one day when you fall in love, for real...when it gets hard, you don't run. You fight."

"I think you two have fought enough."

"Exactly, now its time to have fun again. All of us!"

She put her arm around me and I felt my body go stiff.

Her smile dropped a little and I calmed myself rested my head against her shoulder and gave her a side hug before pulling away.

It was going to take me a little time to get adjusted to this new version of her but I would try.

Gabe was right beside me that evening as I stood there and read off the marriage instructions off my phone.

My moms were staring at each other with stars in their eyes and I was reminded of all those years ago when they did this the first time.

If it's possible, they look even happier now and that calms me more than any assurances they can give me.

The love was lost before, Brittany played a big part in that and no matter how much Mami says she's just a friend, I know better. I know that she was tempted, even if she promised me she would never hurt Mama like that...she loved Brittany enough to marry her at some point, that doesn't just go away.

But now, seeing them like this, I'm praying that things will be different once we are in Philly again.

"Did you want to say your own vows?" I asked them and Mami nodded.

"Yes."

"Okay, then you go first."

"Quinn, I'm here with you for as long as you'll have me. I promise to be everything that I've set out to be and more. I promise you my continued sobriety and commitment to being a good Mami to those two brats over there. I promise to be open and honest and to be faithful to you, today and always. I promise to love our kids, even at their worst and smelliest...I'm looking at you mi'jo."

Gabe giggled and I laughed, like a really deep belly laugh at that because well, I've been nothing but a terror from the moment Brittany showed up and she's loved me still. Gabe is no better, he has tried her patience by refusing to wash his stinky butt until he got seconds for dessert.

Mami smiled at us and then looked at Mama again, whispering something I didn't quite catch but Mama sure did since she was blushing now.

Water licked at my feet, which meant the tide was rising.

"Uh...can we speed this up...it's getting late and I don't want us to drown." I snarked and Mama raised her eyebrow at me, so I raised mine right back.

"Okay, fine...sheesh. Is this what you're teaching her?" She asked Mami.

"That's 100 percent you, Q. Don't fake the funk. You know it just as well as me...now hurry up so we can go have cake!"

"YAY...CAKE!" Gabe yelled and we all laughed.

"Santana, Beth, Gabriel...I have sucked at being good to you guys. I've been busy and a little mean." I bit back a comment and Mami looked proud that I did. "And I am going to be honest, I'm about to be even more busy but I promise to make time for all of you. To spend time with all of you and to stop being mean...I saw that look, Sweets. I love you and I promise to show it. Always. Also, to be faithful to only you guys...to love you guys before everything else. Forever more."

"Okay, then by the powers given to me by Jesus...I guess. You two are married again...yay?" I said and they rushed me and Gabe with hugs and kisses both screaming out like they were kids again.

I could get used to this.

They better not screw it up!

A/N: I'll be back to edit it eventually. Just be happy I gave you this. An epilogue...maybe? We shall see. I missed you guys.