(Your Love Keeps Lifting Me) Higher & Higher (Jackie Wilson)

QUINN'S POV

I'm not quite sure that my original vows meant as much to me as the ones that I took on the beach that day with just my kids and my love. Something about that trip changed something in me.

Years ago, when I thought I had lost Santana to Brittany and I was prepared to settle with Noah, I could never have dreamed of the life that I have now. She lifts a part of my soul that should have died ages ago.

"You know there is such a thing as stirring too much, right?"

A warmth filled me as I looked into those green eyes and my original nose that still looks better on Beth than it ever did on me. I must have stared too long because she rolled her eyes at me and eased the bowl away from me. I watched as she scooped the batter into the cupcake pan with that crease between her eyebrows that I used to be corrected for by my mother.

"So Mami confessed to me that she's been taking you on spa days and checking you out of school." I leaned my hip against the counter and watched in amusement as she froze for a split second of panic before shrugging her shoulders and continuing her task.

"Yeah...so?" She said, her eyebrow lifting.

"Look at me, Sweets." I said nudging her shoulder.

She huffed and turned towards me, her arms crossing her chest in a Santana move...definitely. I'll take credit for the cold shoulder, eye rolls, and lifted eyebrows but the arm thing is all Santana.

"Am I in trouble?" She asked her face a stone cold mask.

"No. I only brought up because if you'd let me, I'd like to be the one that takes you out on a spa day."

She nodded and as if I barely said anything worth mentioning, she turned right back to her scooping.

"Well as nice as that sounds, Mama, that's my thing with Mami, just because you feel guilty now doesn't mean you get to ruin my life. I barely get her to myself anymore with Gabe to contend with, so I'm going to pass on that offer."

"Oh." I sucked in a breath and took the rejection on the chin, I deserved it. I fought to get her back and then had pawned her off on Santana, of course she doesn't want to have to spend extra time with me. "Well the offer stands if you change your mind." I said as I made to walk out of the kitchen, unfortunately, I didn't leave in enough time to hear what she said under her breath.

"Don't count on it." I stopped in my tracks, my hackles raised, prepared to read her when a colder voice cut in.

"What shouldn't Mama count on?" Santana said as she closed the door to the garage and stepped fully into the kitchen.

The change in Beth was immediate.

Where there was attitude five seconds ago, there was now true panic.

"Nothing, Mami." She said with a shrug.

"What did I say about attitude and shrugging at me?" Santana wasn't even looking towards me for any say, she was on edge.

Beth finished her scooping and let out a heavy sigh.

"I don't know." She said, attitude back in effect.

"You want to look at me when you are being disrespectful?"

Beth turned to look at her, arms at her sides, head kind of bowed as she looked at Santana.

"She wants-" Beth began to say but was stopped by Santana.

"She who?"

"Mama."

"Oh, so you do know her name then?"

"I'm sorry Mama." She said to me. "Mama wants to take our spa days away, so I can spend time with her...Mama I mean."

I opened my mouth to explain but Santana shook her head.

"Which was my suggestion because unlike you, I am willing to share my time with the people I love."

"So am I!"

"Do you not love your mother?"

"Which one?" She sassed and it was knife in my heart.

"Quinn, the woman who gave birth to you. Do you love her?"

"Of course I do." She sighed.

"So you were rude for no reason then, which means, you can stay your ass at school everyday until you learn some respect."

"What?! No! Mami please, I was protecting us!" She said, slamming her foot down.

"I don't need you to protect me from your mother! In fact, what I need is for you to stop showing your ass!"

"You first!" She yelled.

"Oh yeah? Well now you've got yourself grounded for a two weeks, I want your phone, laptop and tablet on this counter in five minutes or else. Go!"

"But..."

"Do NOT make me repeat myself."

"Fine." She said, glaring at me the whole way out of the kitchen.

"Don't think I didn't see that! You just got yourself another week!" Santana called after her and the growl that followed nearly had her leaping out of her skin.

"A month! Keep pushing me Beth...come on...do something else!" There was silence and Santana seemed satisfied with herself. "That's what I thought."

"Want to tell me what's wrong?" I asked her as she slammed her keys down onto the table and then covered her face with her hands.

"I swear to you Q, she's barely like that! I don't know what's gotten into her!" Santana said through her hands.

"No...this is bigger than Beth, I know it. Don't get me wrong, she deserved it but I know you, love."

I pulled her hands from her face and looked into her bloodshot eyes, she'd been crying hard at some point...even though her eyes were completely dry.

"I don't want to talk about it right now because I won't be able to keep it together when she comes back down here."

"Fine." I sighed, moving to put the cupcakes into the oven. "Just know, that I'm extremely proud of you for the way you handled her just now, I don't think I could have done it. I feel too guilty for missing so much."

"And she knows that, don't let her get over on you, Q...she can be just as manipulative as we were at that age."

"She's barely a teenager, how is that possible?" I chuckled, shutting the oven and then walking back over to her.

She pursed her lips and I leaned into her, absorbing her kisses and feeling the slight shaking in her body. She looked at me desperately, tears rimming her eyes but did not drop a single tear.

The door to the kitchen swung open and without a word, I heard Beth putting her things on the counter and then she cleared her throat.

"Excuse me, Mama...Mami?" She said, the attitude out of her voice.

I stepped back and watched as Santana became Mami again, strong and steady

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry for how I acted. This move...that school." She said through gritted teeth, "it's all so different from L.A. I don't have friends and I barely have you guys, with both of you working and having to make sure that Gabe is okay after school. I just...I'm sorry." She said, tears in her eyes and all I wanted to do was hug her but Santana put her arm out and stopped me.

"Don't." She growled. "I don't believe you for a second, Beth."

And just like that, Beth wiped her tears and rolled her eyes...shit...she's worse than me.

"Fine. I just hate not having you to myself."

"Two months, Beth and no winter formal." I said, finally cutting in.

Both of them looked at me in shock but I wasn't going to let her play me.

"Seriously?!" Beth groaned, this sucks.

"You want to make it three?" Santana said, seemingly empowered by my parenting.

"NO!"

Beth was as quiet as a church mouse as she sat at the dining room table doing her homework, it was two hours into her three months sentence and not a single trace of attitude was there. At least nothing I could see.

Santana though sat in the living room, a bottle of water in hand as she looked past the movie I had put on at Beth.

"I can't believe you did that." She said, not bothering to keep her voice down. "She needed to hear you say that...to hear you be tough. She's been going for too long, playing us against each other."

"She can hear you."

"I know she can."

"San..."

"No, you don't understand, Beth is reminding me of pink haired Quinn Fabray and as cute as you were...there is NO way I'm letting her become that." Hearing Santana say that brought me back to her comment about which mother...it wasn't a throw away comment...maybe Beth didn't even know what her problem was but I had some idea.

"But, what you need to see is...I was like that for a reason...and while I don't like how she behaved. I can understand what is liked to be pulled away from everything you know."

"Q...she can hear you."

"Good, Beth...come over here...we need to talk."

Beth turned from her place at the table, where her pencil had long been still as she listened to us talk about her.

My sweet girl sat next to me on the couch and I turned towards her...my heart open and honest.

"It's time we talked about when I got with you."

Santana sucked in a breath but stayed silent while Beth, dropped her innocent look and cocked her eyebrow.

"I know the story, you were irresponsible, got drunk and slept with Puck...got knocked up...gave me away...moved on...Mom died and you got me back. What's there to know?"

"That's just it, Sweets...you know when I first knew I was pregnant, I prayed it wasn't true but I refused to get rid of you. Your grandfather...he was abusive to me and Aunt Frannie and your grandmother. He beat us anytime we stepped out of line and I knew that the moment he knew you existed...he'd hurt me or worse. When he did find out, I was kicked out...but he never touched me again. I became less than the lowest person to him. I loved him so much even when he hurt me, he was never around...he was mean...a selfish bully."

"Oh." She said...still trying to figure out where I was going.

"I have always been like my father. Cold, disconnected, and selfish. I didn't think I was worthy of being your mother and Puck...well, you can see why I didn't want him."

She chuckled and nodded because it had been ages since she'd seen her father. "I know that's right." She whispered.

"Your Auntie Mercedes took me in, her family loved me and fed me. They took me to appointments, introduced me to the wonders of cocoa butter on stretch marks, taught me to cook and how to truly pray...not the scripted Hail Mary's but an open communication with God. They also taught me that you could hear me. That you could feel me. I never stopped talking to you. Loving you...wanting to keep you but knowing that I couldn't give you a life that you deserved."

"And so you gave me up?"

"Oh baby, I handed you over 24 hours after you were born with shaking hands and a bleeding heart. My body still had milk for you, still felt you even after you were gone. I regretted giving you up but I knew it was for the best. Shelby loved you."

And that's when the dam broke. I watched as Beth's eyes welled up over a mother that she barely remembered.

"I miss her." She whispered. "Every day. I'm sorry." The pain in her eyes was genuine, I could see the difference that Santana saw now.

I scooted forward and put a hand on her cheek.

"You don't ever have to be sorry about missing your mom. Shelby will always be your mom. Just like, I will always be your Mama and she will always be your Mami...together we have more love for you than ever. You don't have to feel like you are betraying your Mami if you spend time with me. Just like you don't have to give up your memories of Shelby to love us."

"You missed me?"

"Every day. In fact, after I had you, I tried to go back to normal...I tried to move on but I never could. I even dyed my hair pink...got a tattoo...started smoking and doing things that were not good for me and not going to bring you back, I never stopped loving you and I never will."

"Promise?" She asked me and I wrapped her up in my arms.

"I promise."

Later as we lay in bed, Santana laying on back as I spooned against her, long fingers dancing up and down my spine...I could tell that her mind was a million miles away.

"Love?" I called.

"Hmm?"

"Do you want to tell me what's bothering you?"

"I guess." Her hand stopped tracing my back as she gripped me tighter.

"Is it bad?"

She shrugged.

"One of my old sober buddies, died today. She was my inspiration you know, she'd been sober for ten years...had two kids and then just like that, she went missing. They found her in a crack house, she'd overdosed, they found her with a needle sticking out of her arm. I just saw her last week...we had coffee...she was so good...so clean. I just...what if I slip up, Q? Our marriage is just getting back on even footing, Beth is melodramatic and Gabe...he's been really attached to Vanessa since summer...he tells me he wants to live with her as I'm dropping him off with her parents. I just...what if I can't hold it together when you're pulling 48 hour shifts?" She said, her voice full of pain as she kept throwing all of her weight on me.

I snuggled up closer to her, until my nose was against her neck.

"Babylove, just because she slipped doesn't mean you will. I'm here. I'm not going to let you fall. I'll do whatever it takes. You know that. We are strong together, Santana and believe me, there is NOTHING short of a miracle that's going to tear this family apart. You hear me?"

"Yeah."

"Are you sure? Do we need to find a meeting?"

"I um...when I dropped Gabe off, I went to one. I needed to be around addicts like me. I needed the hope."

"Good. I'm proud of you."

"Thanks babe."

"I'm proud of you too."

A/N: Hola chicas, I have been through hell and back lately...I came to finish what I started...it won't be much longer. I promise. Let me know if you're still around and if there is anything we need to see before this is all said and done. Love you guys!