Tell Me You Love Me (Demi Lovato)

QUINN'S POV

I woke up the next morning to the curtains drawn around my bed and alarms going off...only they weren't mine.

As a doctor, I was programmed to go where the alarms were and that morning was no different.

I sprung up from my bed, ignoring the protest in my back and ripped the curtain back.

When I saw her shirt pulled open and the doctor putting the paddles on her chest, I stood there feeling the bottom fall from my world.

"Clear!"

Santana's body jerked from the intensity of the current and then there was silence as we all waited for her heart to respond.

"Please, babylove, please." I whispered and after a beat, her heartbeat returned.

After that, there was a rush of doctors and nurses trying to get me to go back to bed while also trying to figure out what had made her heart stop.

"You need to go back to your bed." A nurse said as she tried to close the curtain again.

"No! That is my WIFE, if I have to go back to bed you will keep this fucking curtain open, do you hear me?!" I growled and she stepped back without further argument.

I watched silently from my perch on the edge of the bed as they worked on her, my own heart feeling like it would jump out of my chest each time a machine made a sound I didn't like.

"Father, please don't let it happen like this! Please, please?" I prayed, as tears burned my eyes. "I love her so much, I'm sorry for my mistakes, please don't let her go before I can fix what I've broken. Please?"

It took a bit but Santana was stable within an hour and then they were all on the move as if there wasn't a crisis that called for everyone to crowd around her to save her life.

After she was okay, the adrenaline left me and the ache returned to my back. I wanted nothing more than to crawl in the bed next to her but I was admittedly terrified, so instead, I slid into my chair and rolled to her bedside.

I took one of her hands into my own and then rested my head on the edge of the bed.

"I'm so sorry that I was stupid...please, please don't die." I begged her.

I felt her squeeze my hand in response and I looked up at her.

She smiled softly at me around the tube that was shoved past her lips.

"Your heart stopped." I said to her and she looked at me in confusion. "I don't know why, they were talking to me but I was in shock...I'm sorry."

The door opened and in came her father followed by a doctor.

"Good morning Quinn, hey there Tata, you gave us a scare."

Santana squeezed my hand tighter and looked at her father with a serious face.

"I know you hate the tube but it was necessary. Don't glare at me like that."

Santana looked at me with a raised eyebrow and I smirked before looking at her father.

"She says, she'll do what she wants." I said and Santana gave a nod in agreement.

"Fine, Andrews, she seems to be breathing just fine, let's remove the tube."

I smiled as Dr. Andrews seemed to jump at the command and promptly moved to help the tube out of Santana's throat.

Years of dealing with tubes and still, that gagging noise makes me a little queasy.

She held tight to my hand and it seemed to quell the discomfort.

Not even an hour later, I was being collected for surgery and Santana was looking like my leaving was shattering her world.

Even if our last kiss had been awkward as she took my rings away and left me outside that rehab, I still stood painfully on my feet and kissed her as much as I could.

She had a hand holding my back and the other on my face as she kissed me softly.

Pop cleared his throat after a moment and I pulled back to look down into the eyes of the woman that I had treated like shit for years on end.

"I'm sorry." I said to her and she looked at me with forgiveness for the first time.

"I love you." She responded. "Don't go dying on that table." She said snarky, as if her heart hadn't just stopped a few hours before.

"I love you, don't go dying before I get back."

"I'll do what I want." She chuckled but I glared.

"No. I'm serious, be here ALIVE when I get back."

"I'll do my best."

"Good."

She pursed her lips and I leaned in to kiss her again.

"Oh here they go again, take her out of here already or this won't ever stop." Pop groaned and Santana smiled against my lips.

"I'll see you when you get back." She said and I nodded.

"Good."

I woke up to with pain all over my body and the sound of a newspaper rustling.

My eyes were dry and itchy as I cracked them open but the bright lights had me closing them again.

"Mi'ja, are you awake?" Pop asked and I grunted. "You and Santana are so much alike."

"Where is she?" I mumbled and I waited as he folded his paper and then took my hand in his.

"She's getting some tests done."

I finally managed to get my eyes open to look at him and did not like the worry that I saw on his face.

"What happened?"

"She had a heart attack and they can't seem to figure out why."

"You don't think it's spreading, do you?"

He bit his lip and shrugged.

Those were two gestures that I'd never seen him make and I now was terrified.

"I blame myself, she was well enough for the mastectomy weeks ago and I pushed her to try radiation and chemo...if it spread, I don't know if I'll be able to forgive myself." He admitted, tears in his eyes.

I attempted to reach my hand out to him but my arm felt like lead.

"Pop, she had already been doing radiation and chemo...you didn't push her to do something she didn't want to do."

"She's my baby, the only one I have left." He swallowed thickly and then rubbed at his eyes. "I need you to prepare the kids." He said, dropping the load he'd been carrying around on me.

But it was my responsibility. I was a doctor, I knew what it meant when the odds were stacked. It wasn't looking good for her and that heart attack just sealed the deal.

IF the Cancer spread, it was up to God and chance but there was no way I was going to talk to the kids before it was time.

"Let's see what her results say and what she wants before we go scaring the shit out of the kids."

"Fine, it's your call."

"Thank you, Pop."

"Let's take the same approach with Maribel, I sent her off to her conference in Pittsburgh this morning with nothing but good vibes."

"Okay, sounds like a plan."

I laid there for an hour waiting to get the feeling back in my body and was only able to lift my arms.

Santana still wasn't back and Antonio had left me to rest but there was no way that I could, not with everything that was going on.

"Look who's awake, how are you feeling?" The nurse said as she peaked in on me.

"Paralyzed." I said.

At first she must have thought I was joking because she smiled but when I didn't return it, she began a full workup, her face knit in concentration.

It seemed that from my upper thighs to my toes there wasn't even the slightest reflex but I refused to panic.

"I'm going to talk to the doctor, hang tight, okay?"

"Before you go...is there an update on my wife?"

"She should be on her way up from chemo shortly."

"I thought she was getting tests?"

"Yes, she was and Doctors Lopez and Andrews decided to get her on a round of chemo while they waited on her labs."

It was really starting to bother me that I was missing out on so much but I had to bite back the feeling because knowing Santana, she had asked Antonio to take the lead on medical decisions and she had every right to but that didn't mean that I agreed.

So once again, I laid there all alone, staring at the ceiling, waiting for some good news...waiting for Santana to come back.

Another 40 minutes went by and still I remained there, alone.

By the time Santana was rolled into the room, a bucket on her lap and her face looking pale, I was ready to snap but then she smiled at me.

"You're back." She said, looking like she'd hurl at any moment.

"I am."

"How'd it go?"

I wanted to complain but just one look at her told me that now was not the time.

"Not sure yet." I said, feeling that my answer was still honest-ish.

I watched as the orderly helped her into bed and fluffed up her pillows before heading back out of the room.

When the door closed, I let out a sigh and she let out a gagging noise.

And even though most people would turn away, I laid there watching as she hunched over her bucket.

"I wish I could rub your back for you."

"No." She muttered, wiping her mouth on her sleeve before looking at me. "the motion makes me queasy, I learned that the hard way."

"Oh."

"So how is your back...really?" She asked as she put the bucket on the table and pushed it away.

"Are you done?"

"For now, I think."

"I don't want to worry you."

"Please, for the love of God, Luce, I need to worry about something else right now. Did you hear that I had a heart attack this morning? Distract me."

She tried to make her words sound light but the gravity of them was almost too much to handle.

"I can't feel my legs." I said and then punched at my leg as hard as I could for emphasis. "See, nothing."

"Oh."

"Yeah but I still haven't talked to my doctor. It could just be a prolonged reaction to the epidural."

"I sure hope so, I'd miss those legs wrapped around me."

I sat there shell shocked as she made her first sexual remark to me in what felt like an eternity.

Even in that stressful moment, it felt good to be connecting with the woman that I fell in love with and I didn't dare allow myself to ruin it by feeling sorry for myself.

My mother always says that what seems dark in the night can come out clear in the light of day.

After my doctor decided to table any test for my nerves until morning and Santana's tests came back inconclusive, we both just laid there staring at each other until we both fell asleep.

It scared me to wake up the next morning, because I was afraid of what I might find but today was a special day.

So I woke up anyway.

And it was to humming.

Santana humming.

And she seemed happy.

I turned towards her and saw her sitting up in bed with a party hat on top of her scarf.

"Morning, birthday girl." I mumbled and she turned her head and flashed a smile.

"Morning."

"Where'd you get the hat?"

"Beth dropped by before school, left it for me with some cupcakes that she baked."

"Is there one for me?" I asked sitting up without thinking about it.

"Yes." She was beaming now.

"What?"

"You're sitting up...does that mean you can move them?"

I looked from her to my legs and tried to cross my ankles, the heaviness in my legs prevented lifting one ankle over the other but I was definitely able to move them.

"I guess so."

"It's a birthday miracle!" She shrieked as she slid out of bed and padded over to me, her smile bigger than ever.

"Should you be out of bed?"

"I'll do what I want besides, it's literally my birthday." She said as she climbed up onto the edge of my bed and put her hand on my thigh.

I felt a chill go through me at her touch and that made her actually giggle, like a child.

"I take it you're feeling better?" I asked and she nodded.

"Yup." She said, popping the P for emphasis.

This was Santana Lopez in rare form and I've got to say, I really missed it.

I wish I could say that the merriment lasted all day long or that it even lasted through the morning but there is just no way that life is just that perfect.

Dr. Andrews came into the room with a neutral look on his face and barely looked my way as he broke up our little party in my bed.

"Hi, Santana. Are you up for a chat?"

She looked from me to him and then gripped my hand tighter.

"Say what you need to say." She said, taking a deep breath.

"You've moved into Stage 3A, it's still early on. It's still operable and I think it's time to start getting serious about a mastectomy."

She looked at him with determination on her face.

"And the heart attack?"

"Your lymph nodes were swollen near the chest cavity and set off a domino effect."

"So that could happen again?"

"The sooner we can get you into surgery, the sooner we can deal with a residual metastasis so that doesn't happen again."

She was squeezing my hand so hard, I thought it might break but I didn't complain for even a second.

"How soon can you do it?" She asked and he nodded.

"I know it's your birthday but I would like to get it done today."

"Okay but I need to see my kids first."

"Understandable, I'll go get an OR scheduled and leave you to it. I'm sorry this wasn't better news."

We watched silently as he made his way out of the room and then I waited for her to break down but she just looked down at her chest and grumbled.

"You bitches gots to go."

I reached forward and lightly ran my hand over the left one and she hissed in pain, I jerked my hand back.

"It was fun while it lasted...but you're right the bitches gotta go."

"Will you still love me without them?" She asked, sounding vulnerable and dejected already.

"Absolutely." I said reached up towards her face and she leaned in.

"I'm scared." She admitted.

"Me too."

"I love you, Luce."

"I love you, Santana."

She decided at the last second that she didn't want to call anyone about the surgery, not her father or the kids...she just wanted to do it.

Even though I begged her to reconsider she was adamant.

"Everyone is happy that I lived another year, I'm not going to let them worry about me. Let them be happy for a little while longer."

"And what about me...I'm too selfish to go through this alone."

"Simple, you call rehab and you update them, you write me a letter about everything we're going to do when we're both better, you sleep, you eat that cupcake Beth made you and most of all, you enjoy the fuck out of my birthday. Understand?"

"I don't know if I can."

"You don't have a choice. It's what I want for my birthday and you have never let me down on my birthday...don't start now."

"Okay...fine just...come back to me ALIVE."

"Duh, Luce, where else would I go, I'd miss me too much?"

"Can I see them...just...one last time?"

She looked at me sideways and I immediately felt like an idiot. I opened my mouth to apologize but then she grinned and hopped off the bed.

I watched as she pulled the curtains closed around my bed before she began to pull her hospital gown off.

"We haven't been this intimate since before I had Sasha almost two years ago"

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah well at this point I'm going to need you to stop saying that because every time you say it, I am reminded of just what you're sorry for."

"Oh."

"Yeah, so stop." She rolled her eyes and then looked down at her breasts and curled her lips in disgust, "I just hate that this is how these bitches are going out. I mean, they were so expensive and useful. Do you know how many speeding tickets they've gotten me out of and how many clubs they've gotten me into?" She was rambling as she finally pulled the gown down and stood there in her power pose as she turned her face from me and stepped close enough for me to touch her.

Her skin was dimpled in some places and swollen in others. These were not the breasts that she showed off so frequently back in high school or in bed with me.

I raised my hand and went to touch one and she flinched so instead I put my hand on her waist.

"Look at me." I said but she kept her face turned. "Please?"

She finally looked at me and the tears in her eyes made my heart ache.

"They betrayed me...for so long, they were my identity and now...I don't even know if I'll come out of this even feeling like a woman anymore."

"First of all, there is no one that is more of a woman than you are and they do not define you. Besides, I've always been more in love with your ass than your breasts...so no worries there." I joked and she tried to smile but it was pitiful.

"You cheated on me when they were in great condition, what's to stop you when they're gone?"

"Me. I don't like who I am without you. I don't like what my decisions have done to me. I love you, tits or not."

The door opened and she rolled her eyes again.

"Peep show's over, I guess." She said as she pulled her gown back up.

"Am I interrupting?" Pop said from the other side of the curtain.

"Yes, Papi...give us a sec." Santana said as she wiped at the tears on her face.

"Perdon." He said as he walked to her side of the room again.

Santana went to turn from me but I grabbed her hand and pulled her closer.

She stumbled a bit but was hovering over me with a sad smile.

"You're beautiful and everything I need. Those bitches turned on you and once they're gone, you'll be better. Focus on that."

"Okay."

"I love you."

"I love you, too." She leaned in and kissed me, her body pressing against mine and her breasts against me. Normally, I would touch them when the kisses were this heavy but instead I kept my arm around her waist.

"Are you two kissing again? Goodness, get a room!" Pop said and immediately the intensity abated.

As much as she wanted to get away with not telling anyone about the surgery, there was no way she'd be able to avoid telling her father and she knew it.

When she pulled the curtain back he stood there with bloodshot eyes and a soft smile and we immediately knew they'd called him.

"I'm sorry." He said.

"No. I don't want to hear another fucking person say that to me! Especially not today!"

It was the first time that I had seen her speak to her father like that and in any other circumstance she'd immediately be apologizing but this time she was all flames and fury.

"I had hoped for a different outcome." He continued but she held her hand up.

"Stop, Papi. Just...I can't take any more apologizes or anything close to one. It's my birthday. Just...please?" She said, looking like she'd break down again at any second.

"Can I hug you at least?" He asked with his arms open.

"Fine but no tears, no feeling sorry for yourself, no fucking apologies. Please?"

He nodded and then walked over, holding his arms out for her.

She leaned into him and was engulfed in his arms.

I smiled to myself as he kissed the top of her scarf covered head and swayed a bit.

"I love you, Tata."

"I love you, too." She muffled against his shirt.

"I love you too, Quinn." He said, his eyes looking watery.

I plastered on a smile and nodded.

"I love you too, Pop."

Santana pulled away from his hug and looked back and forth between us.

"Okay, that's enough. No more tears...I'm going to go back to bed until its time for my big chop." She said, her facade sliding into place.

I knew her false bravado when I saw it and there was no way I was going to call her out.

Not today.

A/N: I have used the word LOVE over 15 times in this chapter. I think it's the perfect word to describe me coming back to finish this story. For those of you that are left...thanks for sticking around. I love you!