(A/N: A small moment of dubcon in the beginning...sorry...kind of)
Don't You (Quinn XCII)
QUINN'S POV
BEFORE THE BOTTOM FELL OUT
"Hey...are you okay?"
I buried my face in my hands and nodded even though I felt the exact opposite.
"We almost lost her." I said as I rubbed at my dry eyes and laid back on the bed.
He gave me a soft smile and then plopped on the bed across from me.
"How long was the surgery?"
"Four or five hours...I lost track." I clenched my hands into tight fists and continued to rub at my eyes...my whole body was shaking and my heart was racing.
I just couldn't shake the feeling that I missed something but I wasn't going to admit that to the attending or anyone else for that matter.
There was no way I could admit to wrongdoing, it was an unspoken rule of being a surgeon...don't admit to anyone if you fuck up until you absolutely have to.
I kept running over the steps I had taken in closing but there were blocks of missing time.
Fuck.
"Are you coming down from something? Was it too long? Is that why you're shaking?" He asked as he leaned forward, whispering his litany of questions, just in case...because it was always just in case.
I held out my hands, flexing my cramped fingers and watched them shake which is when I noticed that they were still tinged with blood that I must have missed while scrubbing.
Odd.
Wait...had I scrubbed out or just taken my gloves off?
Had the glove ripped and then I didn't scrub?
Shouldn't I remember that?
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!
How could I be so stupid?
"Uh...yeah. I've been trying to go clean since Sasha started calling Beth her Mama instead of me. I'm never home and when I am, I'm too checked out...I want to be there for my family, I can't keep going like I have."
"So are you all out then? Did you actually get rid of your stash?" He asked as he stood up and stretched his arms up so that I could see his abs as his scrub shirt lifted just enough before he winked at me.
"Not all of it...but I didn't bring anything with me today...why?"
"We could go back to my place...let me help get you through the rest of your shift."
I rolled my eyes and tried to bite back the urge to go with him because it wasn't a no strings attached thing. I knew what was expected of me and I wanted so badly to be better. I wanted so badly to be worthy of the woman who I went home to at night because make no mistake about it, Santana loves me more than life. She loves me more than I have ever been loved.
And I have taken it for granted way more than she could ever imagine.
No. I had to be better...be good.
But then I was shaking...but so what? The shake was a sign that I was about to be down and clearheaded for the first time in years.
I couldn't let him sway me.
"Nah. I'm working a double...I need to be here if they need me." I finally said, hoping that would be enough to get him off of my back.
"It's a block away, Lucy Lu, just keep your pager on, keep your ringer up and you can be back here in less than five minutes."
"Ish...it's...we have got to stop this." I said as he stepped closer and cupped my chin. I tried to look away but his eyes...the only thing that captivated me about him...so grass green and entrancing stared straight through me. "I'm serious."
"No, you're not and as your personal doctor, I've got to remind you just how stupid it would be for you to go cold turkey while at work...you've got what 12 hours to go...you really want to go off the rails right now?"
He was right. I was already losing gaps of time after not taking anything when I had come in.
I couldn't make any more mistakes, not when little people were involved.
I'd never forgive myself if I caused something tragic.
I looked up at him and nodded.
"Fine but can you promise to be gentle?"
He looked shocked that I was actually making any requests, usually it was no holds barred when it came to getting drugs for my fix.
But the last few times he had bruised me so badly that I had to push off Santana when she tried to make love to me.
And I HATED pushing off Santana, so yes, right now I needed him to be gentle.
"I make no promises, Lucy Lu but since you were so sweet, I'll try to go easy on you."
"Gee, thanks." I grumbled as I followed him out of the on-call room, silently promising myself that this would be the last time.
I knelt on all fours, my forehead resting on the glass coffee table, as he rutted behind me.
This was never about pleasure to me and so I just tried to think about anything else but what was happening.
So I went to my happy place...which was anything that had to do with home and my family.
The holidays...Santana's birthday...Santana...it always came back to her in these moments.
Her smile, her smell, the way one touch from her could calm all my nerves and soothe my soul.
I missed her touch more than anything, I missed how she knew when to be rough and when to go soft...how she knew when to be above me and when to be beneath me...which to be honest has not been nearly enough.
That went on my mental list...I needed to get her beneath me, to show her love and devotion.
God, I needed to make this end so that I could prostrate myself at her feet and worship her like she deserves.
And to hear her moan my name, over and over again.
I bit back a moan as I thought about the things I would do to her.
"Ahh fuck!" He groaned, snapping me out of my reverie and I bit my lip hard...trying to hold back the urge to scream for him to get the fuck off of me.
I was so over this...him.
But what choice did I have, I had to get through my shift and this was the only way.
Admitting to my need for pills, meant admitting to my family and myself that I had a problem.
That I wasn't perfect and there was no way that I could admit to that.
I was so close to being the surgeon that I wanted to be and then I would get a fellowship somewhere far away Philly and from Ish.
This time I wouldn't tell him where I was going so that he couldn't follow me, just so that the temptation was behind me, free and clear.
Just a few more months...just until April and I know that I can start fully being the person that I've been pretending to be.
A better wife, mother, and person all together.
He finally went still and began to rub at my lower back.
Like he always did.
He was unnaturally fascinated with the scar from my surgery.
Everything about my spinal injury turned him on.
Literally.
He rubbed harder and I could feel him getting excited again.
"No." I said, pushing myself up but he pressed down and a pain shot through my back. "Fuck, don't push there." But he only kept pressing as he cackled. I felt a shift that I shouldn't have and the pain intensified.
"We are finished when I say that we are." He said as he began to move again, this time keeping his hand where it was, rubbing harshly and the tears began to form.
My back hurt more than it had in years and I was trying my best not to scream because I KNEW it would turn him on.
So I begged...like no Fabray had done before.
Like a pussy.
"Please...Ish...I'm done. Please?"
"I love you...I can't let you just end this...fuck...so good. You're mine you know that right? All fucking mine."
"I'm not." I groaned as he pressed his fingers against my clit. "mmm...I'm married...I love my wife not you, fucking asshole."
"And yet." He thrust forward and pressed on my back with both hands as he yanked me against him and I yelped. "Here we are."
The tears were burning the backs of my eyes but I put on my smile...I went to that cold place that I learned to go to when I felt powerless.
My inner Cheerio...my safest place.
He was halfway through his second round and my pager went off...followed by my phone.
And just like magic, he thrust one last time, releasing into me before he pulled out and slapped at my ass, sending me forward in a heap against the table.
My back was screaming at me as I moved to get up, thankful that he seemed to be annoyed as he walked off to clean up.
After a search for my neatly folded pile of clothes, which I found on the floor crumpled, knowing that he must have shoved off the counter as he passed by, I knew there was no time to freshen up and felt like crying.
He had slowed me down on purpose, obviously upset that I actually wanted to end this.
Ish was nothing, if not a vindictive son of a bitch.
I felt grimy as I got dressed...knowing that I didn't have time to shower.
But that was a problem of my own creation.
Next surgery I would just be sure to scrub double time and find a shower the first moment I could.
But for now, I couldn't think about the mess dripping out of me...I would just let that be a reminder of why I needed to be done with him.
I was supposed to be at the hospital...I had to be quick, so I pushed those thoughts away.
More than ever, I just wanted to be numb.
By the time I put on my slides, he was back in his scrubs, smelling fresh while handing me a pill bottle.
"Here. I mixed it up this time...be careful, I gave you some Tramadol since I only had a few Oxy left."
I snatched it and immediately opened it and searched out my go to work pills...one Valium and one Xanax.
"Thanks." I said as I crunched down on them.
"Shit. That's dangerous."
"So is you fucking me...my wife would skin you alive if she ever found out."
"I'll keep taking my chances, just be careful with those, make it last."
My phone went off again and I left without another word.
It would take awhile for these pills to kick in, so I was hoping that I didn't have to be in surgery right away.
Or that no one had died.
I got home the next afternoon, feeling exhausted and in serious need of a shower and a drink.
So instead of kissing or hugging anyone, I went straight up to the shower and spent the better part of an hour scrubbing my body.
There had just been no time to take care of it after leaving Ish's.
From the moment that I set foot in the hospital, I had three surgeries in a row.
No time to get clean, no time to feel like a human again and so I couldn't touch my kids or Santana like that.
And thankfully, she took one look at me and pointed for the stairs, knowing how gross I must feel.
Thank God for her.
Once I was scrubbed from tip to toe, I put on her most comfortable sweatsuit and fuzzy socks, took a Valium and one of the few Oxy's I had left, before making my way downstairs.
It was a mix I hadn't done before and so I was praying that the effects wouldn't be too severe.
And because I knew that once I went downstairs, I wouldn't be coming back up...I laid down and closed my eyes...giving the medicine the time to kick in and my body a chance to rest.
Before I knew it, two hours had passed and I was waking from the best sleep of my life.
But I was hurting from yesterday, from the way he pressed on my back and so I took another Oxy...hoping it'd be enough.
After I waited for it to kick in, I washed my face, shoved my ruined panties to the bottom of the trash, thanking God I remembered not to put them in the laundry before I then shuffled downstairs.
Everyone was all smiles and good vibes.
Just what I needed.
Santana was in a good mood as she cuddled with Sasha on the couch and Gabe was happily chatting while working on some homework.
It was a good day and even though I was in a daze, I could appreciate just how good it was.
This was what I wanted for real.
A life away from Ish and drugs, a life lived better and healthier.
Those pills today would be my last.
I had decided today would be the last day for the pills.
These next two days off would be spent easing myself off of the drugs...I couldn't live like this anymore.
But then Beth drops that bomb on us and everything...just...fell apart.
I wanted another pill.
So I took one just before that boy's parents showed up.
Although I'm not sure what kind because I rushed and took whatever I had on hand and I may have not been completely down from the last dose.
I blanked out for so much of the night...thinking about how I could end things with Ish and change programs now.
We needed to get the hell away from this city.
Away from the madness.
I felt crazy.
Shit, I'd been sleeping with Ish for drugs...cheating on HER...I WAS CRAZY.
AFTER THE BOTTOM FELL OUT
THREE DAYS POST OP...
Right about now...I feel like crawling out of my skin.
Because I fell asleep late last night after making sure she was comfortable, I woke up later than I would have liked.
And when I did...my world stopped.
Ish stood at the edge of her bed and she was sitting up with the biggest glare on her face.
They were talking in harsh whispers and I...well shit...I didn't know whether to alert them to my being awake or if I should just pretend to still be asleep.
But then she was making to get up from the bed and he was moving closer to her.
She may not know his violent streak but I sure do and I wasn't having that shit.
"Uh...don't you move from that bed, you'll rip your stitches!" I said to Santana because history proved I could control her much easier than him.
Santana looked at me with all the frustration and hurt that she possessed but stayed put.
Thankfully.
"You have a visitor." She growled at me and with her eyes alone, dared me to make the next move.
Not that I could...I literally still couldn't move my legs without immense pain.
"Lucy Lu." Ish said, as he moved over to my side of the room. "How are you?" He asked as he stood with his back to her.
I could see her sitting there...glaring at his back and at me but even past the glare, I could see the hurt.
And it made me feel even worse.
"Why are you here?" I asked him.
"I got fired, among other things and came to find you."
"Why?"
"Have you not heard yet?"
I had been looking at my wife up until that moment as I talked to him but now, I was staring into those fucking eyes.
They pierced through my soul and made me queasy.
"Your last surgery, the kid died and her dad was on the board of the hospital so he knows about your rehab stint...you're being sued and so is the hospital. They found out I was supplying you...somehow," He looked over his shoulder and I saw Santana wink at him...fuck...of course she retaliated. "so now I lost my license."
"Wow."
"Yeah...so lawyer up, you're going to need it."
"Is that it...you couldn't have called with all that?"
"No. I didn't know what state you were in." He said, in his way...which meant only one thing, he thought I would have gone on a bender. "I wanted to be here." He said, gripping my hand tightly, too tight and because I didn't want Santana to come over and start a bigger issue, I just let him grip it and tried to deal with it.
He wanted me bad and I could see the look in his eye that told me he wanted revenge for losing his license.
And I was never more glad to be paralyzed and in that bed with my wife less than ten feet away.
"I'm trying to get clean, Ish. For real this time, so you can take whatever you're carrying and leave." I tried to say it calmly while pulling my hand from his but he held fast.
"You're sure?" He asked, looking at me in disbelief and I could see the urgency in his eyes...had he started getting high on his own supply? Well isn't that a bitch.
"Yes." I whispered, fighting the urge to hold my hand out...I would be clean, even if a malpractice suit was going to drain every penny I had.
He finally let go of my hand and waited a moment longer for me to change my mind, like I always tended to do but not this time.
Yet and still he dug in his pocket and placed a small bag on my lap, out of sight of Santana who was still glaring...even more so now.
I wasn't quite sure that she could hear him but that didn't mean she wasn't paying attention to every movement he made.
And by extension me.
"No, Ishmael, I'm done." I said again, pushing it off my lap and he nodded, taking it back.
"Fine. I'll be in town until tomorrow...the number is still the same. Call me if anything."
"No thanks." I said, turning my face from him.
"That's right, she's done you asshole, don't you fucking come back here." I heard her say.
And even though the sight of her kicking him out was something I had fantasized about before, only more violent, I kept my head turned.
My emotions were getting the best of me and I didn't want to give him the satisfaction to see me breakdown.
I also didn't want to sit here crying over drugs...even if I was in pain.
I looked out the window until I heard the door open and close again.
The tears were threatening to come as I clenched my fists.
It had been my first time presented with unprescribed drugs since she left me in that parking lot and I had been strong enough to turn them down.
Even in pain...I was so overwhelmed but knew it was a victory that I couldn't wait to tell Doug about.
And also was glad Santana was able to see.
I felt my body shaking for the first time in a long time and took deep gulps of air.
My body was on fire but then just like the wife I don't deserve.
I felt her arms around me.
Saving me from a break down.
I was careful not to lean to hard on her still wrapped chest but she pulled me until my face was pressed against her shoulder.
"Don't hold it in...let it out. I know how hard that was...let it out, Luce. I'm so fucking proud of you right now."
And at the sound of that name and just how proud she was, the dam broke.
I started sobbing against her hospital gown and she just rubbed at my back and rocked me gently.
"I know, I know...it's okay...I know. You did so good, babylove, so fucking good." She mumbled as I kept sobbing.
I didn't deserve the comfort or her in that moment but I wasn't going to push it away.
"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry." I groaned as the tears flooded my sinuses and clouded my senses.
"I'm here. I hate the things you've done and how I wasn't able to help you when you needed me but I still love you...we're Quinntana...remember?"
"I prefer, Sinn." I whispered and she let out a loud cackle.
"Your mom would get a kick out of that." She said and then I was laughing too...while still crying.
I felt crazy.
But I also felt safe and somewhat vindicated.
Like maybe we had hope still.
TWO DAYS LATER...
Despite my small victory with the pills, the pain was definitely a sign of more damage.
And so while Santana got to go home two days after her surgery, I was scheduled into another and was going end up having to stay in the hospital right up to the day it was time to go back to rehab.
So much for a breather from the uncomfortable beds and the gross food.
Now that Santana was home, I was in a room by myself and it gave me way too much time to think.
And unfortunately, too much of an open window for people to just show up.
Because not two days after Ish made a pop up visit, my next unwanted visitor showed up.
"Hey Quinnie!" Brittany said with a big grin on her face and some flowers in hand.
I had been in the middle of texting Santana, making plans for her to be here when I go into surgery in a few hours, so I didn't notice the door open but the moment I heard her voice, I froze.
She was smiling at me but my body tensed up just like it always did when she was anywhere near me.
But I stayed calm as I reminded myself that there was a nurse call button not two inches away from my side and that it had been nearly twelve years since she showed signs of being a complete psycho.
Even if I still didn't believe that for a second, once a psycho rapist...always...right?
Why was God testing me like this? Who was next, the reincarnated corpse of my father?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised.
"What brings you here, Britt?" I asked, trying my best to school my panic.
I'd managed to never be alone with her all of this time and yet here we are.
And I think she knew she was pushing it because it was a rule Santana put in place.
But for whatever reason she was testing her limits.
She seemed non pulsed by my coldness, just like always.
It was infuriating.
"Well, I heard about all this mess back here and I felt like you could use my help."
"What's that supposed to mean?" I was trying to seem nonchalant but from the smirk on her face, I could tell that it wasn't working.
"Well, Quinnie, I happen to know one of the best medical malpractice lawyers in the world, she went to M.I.T with me and when I told her about everything, she begged for your case."
"Why would she want to do that?"
"Because...well...we're engaged." She said, blushing a bit.
"Does she know what you did...to me?" I asked, feeling breathless.
"Yes. I told her everything and she said that it was even more reason for me to do this for you. I owe you everything I can...including your freedom. I can't take back what I did but I can be the best version of me and prove to you just how sorry I am. I've changed, Quinn...honest!"
"Right." I nodded and then looked back down at my phone to see a message from my wife.
"She's here if you want to meet her...I can stay in the hall if that's better? I can see that being alone with me is still not okay. Is that alright?" Her smile slipped and I could see the sadness in her eyes and felt sorry for her. Which boggles my mind because after everything I still had a soft spot for that fucking expression but I refused to show it.
I was insane!
"Yes, Britt, I'd like that."
"Great! I'll go get her and send her in."
"Okay."
I waited for her to leave before looking back at my phone, hoping to God she would stick to her word and not come back in here.
Is Britt there yet?-Santana
In the hall. Warning would have been nice.-Q
She texted me like five minutes ago and I was in the shower.-Santana
Oh. Her fiancee is here, when did she get a divorce?-Q
It's Britt. R u really surprised? I'm on my way. I'll tell them to stay in the hall.-Santana
You're right, drive safe and Thank you.-Q
When the door opened, I thought for sure it was Brittany bringing in this supposed savior of a fiancee but instead it was my wife looking so much like her old high school self I had to do a double take.
She was wearing a wig that hung down around her shoulders that curled beautifully.
It was the first time she was in regular clothes since her surgery and I could tell that she was still trying to get used to it.
While her jeans hugged her hips tight and she was wearing heeled boots, my Yale hoodie hung off of her disguising her chest or lack thereof.
"Hey beautiful girl." I said to her with my best grin and she actually hesitated before smiling back at me and then there was a flash of light...her ring.
My heart stopped...she was wearing her ring again.
I felt the tears come to my eyes as she came closer to me and held up her open palm...revealing the diamond band she had confiscated a little over a month ago.
"Wear this...I know what I said before and given some reflection and nearly dying...I just think life is too short. I'm not going to let that asshole take this away from us and I absolutely refuse to let anyone know there is any chance that we are over."
My heart sunk again...she didn't want Brittany to see the cracks because she'd been waiting for us to break apart for years.
"And when Brittany's gone?" I asked...still not bothering to take the ring she was dangling in my face.
She looked at me with a scrunched up face, judging my response to her boon.
I should be jumping up and down but I refuse.
"Don't you want to fix this? Fix us?"
"I do but not for show and honestly, it would probably be better that you divorced me, just to protect yourself. They could clear out my accounts and as we both know, you're really the one sitting on the money. I can't bankrupt us both." I shrugged.
All the happiness she came in the room with evaporated, her face set into a near snarl.
It was classic Santana, the one she had come in looking like.
Lima was bringing her back to her old self and if I was truly honest, I found it insanely hot.
"You want to do this now? With her right outside the door?" She asked, sounding tired.
"You need to hear it. I let him do things to me that degraded me beyond anything imaginable. Do you know that I got my tubes tied because he was obsessed with getting me pregnant?"
Her eyes went round as she shook her head. "I can't fucking believe you did that without telling me."
"Oh babylove that's not even the half of it. He humiliated me on a regular basis, had me crawl on my hands and knees like a dog for extra pills. He defiled me for six years and I let him, I went willingly even though I had you at home, the biggest prize. I don't deserve you or that ring...I can't just fix it like that. I'm broken, Santana. That bitch out there broke me, Russell broke me, and Ish destroyed me...but more than that, I let them. I became a martyr because I felt like I deserved nothing more than that. You gave me love I didn't deserve, held me together and now I am prepared to reap what I have sown and I refuse to take you down with me."
"Fuck that bullshit, put this ring on, Quinn." She said, tears in her eyes and anger in her features. "I know what you're doing. You will not martyr yourself for me or this marriage. I nearly died and still stayed with you, stood by you and right now, you're going to do what I want and what I need which is for you to take care of yourself...not just for me but for our kids. Do you understand?"
"Santana...I-" She stood up and grabbed my left hand and pushed the ring onto my finger and then brought it to her lips.
"The trend in all that shit you just said is that you suck at making decisions for yourself, you suck at saving yourself and so now it's time for you to stop talking, stop trying to carry the world you aren't Atlas! If you go down this whole family goes down, Luce and I will NOT let that happen. I've lost my patience trying to coddle your self sabotaging and sacrificing ways. So from here on out, you need to do things my way."
She was firm but not cruel and it was the real difference in everything.
I looked at the ring on my finger as she still held my hand.
I nodded as I looked back at her even though I wanted to just sacrifice myself for her and the kids still.
"Okay."
"Good, now wipe your face and act like the wife that I deserve, got it? No more of this crazy sacrificial lamb shit, okay?"
"Okay, I got it." I said, smiling at her and she smiled back, kissing me hard before standing up and sighing.
"Great, I'll go get your look alike...brb."
"Wait, what?"
SANTANA'S POV
Leave it to Britt to come riding into town with a new person on her arm.
I knew that her marriage to Sam was going to be a bust after she had two abortions and then he found out.
And now, less than six months later she was showing up with someone new...this time a woman.
Even though she insisted that I was the only woman for her...obviously that was a lie.
I mean what she did to Quinn was enough to tell me that but I never called her out on it.
But maybe I should have looked more into her obsession with my wife.
I walked into the hospital, feeling a little insecure, my breasts have always been such a huge part of me.
Literally.
Now though, I had to reestablish myself as a badass without them.
The first thing I needed to do was reassert myself with Quinn.
After seeing the way that he talked to her and just how she responded, I saw that she needed that assertive bitch I used to be.
As Abuela would have put it, God rest her soul, a woman needs a man to lead her and without that she is lost.
I guess, for lack of a better term, I needed to be the "man".
She needed someone to lead her, it made sense...Russell and Judy had raised her to be that way.
And if that's what she needed to be a better fucking person, then I had to be that.
I had worked way too fucking hard raising a family and staying sober for over a decade and I wasn't going to let her derail us.
No fucking way.
My head was all wrapped up in how this time would be different when I saw Brittany bouncing in place outside Quinn's door.
I had texted her and told her to hold off until I got there and I was happy to know she had listened.
"Hey, B." I said and she grinned so wide as she looked me over.
"You look good, too skinny but good. How do you feel?" She asked bringing the back of her hand to my forehead.
"It wasn't that kind of sick, Britt."
"I know it's just...I felt helpless." She dropped her hand and her eyes traveled to my chest and then quickly back up.
"I know...it's going to be an adjustment."
"Do you feel...lighter?" She said quieter.
I hesitated because I hadn't given it much thought.
"Definitely."
Someone cleared their throat from behind her and she rolled her eyes.
"Right. Sorry babe."
She stepped to the side and the first thing I noticed was dark hair. The woman had her head bowed as she straightened her clothes and then she looked up at me and my breath left me.
Aside from the hair being dark, she was the spitting image of my wife, right down to the hazel eyes.
"Uh...hi, I'm Santana." I held my hand out and she looked me over and then she glanced at Britt and then back at me as she nodded to herself.
"I can see it. It's a pleasure to meet the first love, ex-wife, and the pedestal that I'm judged against. I'm Megan."
I looked at Britt in awe.
"She's blunt."
Britt blushed. "I have a type."
"Obviously." I looked Megan over and couldn't help but smile. "Have you met my wife yet?" I asked and she shook her head.
"No."
"Seen a picture, maybe?" I chuckled to myself.
"No."
"Ahh then you are in for a surprise. I'm going to head in there, I'll come back and get you in a minute."
Quinn looked so sad when I walked into that room but I couldn't have that.
I missed the HBIC that I fell for.
This just wouldn't do.
And then she dared to reject the ring, it set me off way before I was even ready to talk to her about things but maybe it was for the best.
I gave her a last glance before I went back into the hall and I could see the peace that covered her, like being lead was home to her.
Maybe there was something to this whole defined roles thing.
An ease to it...at least for her.
I just know I'm never going to quit.
And so I couldn't let her do that either.
Even if she had ruined any trust I had in her.
More than anything though, it was a trust in her making her own decisions that had me concerned.
Obviously she couldn't be trusted to do that on her own.
I couldn't believe she had gotten her tubes tied, it was stab in the back, a slap in the face...
A pain so unimaginable that there was no way I wasn't going to bring it up again.
But for now, I would be what she needed...what we both needed.
And I wasn't going to let anything stop me.
QUINN'S POV
Megan was...wow.
I mean, it was like looking into a mirror.
Brittany didn't see it obviously but I did and so did Megan, it was clear when she first looked at me.
For her part though, she disguised her shock much faster than I did.
Santana stood there trying to hide her laughter behind her hand but I saw it.
It was uncanny but hey, maybe this was why she was so obsessed with me.
Who knows?
Brittany lingered against the far wall beside my wife and just smiled.
Like she was truly happy.
And I resisted the urge to be at ease with that.
A part of me still wanted her suffering and a part wanted her happiness.
It was a fine line I walked when it came to her.
Still.
She was helping me or at least setting out to, the results remained to be seen.
"I hope you don't mind but I took the liberty to look into your case and I strongly believe that I can get you out of this."
Megan led with that statement and immediately had my attention.
"How?"
"Well, for several reasons. Mainly, it is the job of the attending to notice the mental readiness of the residents regardless of the experience of said resident. Also, when the plaintiff resigned from the hospital board, he forfeited the right to the information he gained while on the board. He signed multiple non-disclosures and so it's damning that he is using said information to bring up a case against you. Had he not been on the board he would not have been privy to your stint in rehab. This is pretty much slam dunk. I can't say the same for your attending but for you, it is. I just need to know your comfort level with how cutthroat you want to go."
"You mean like a counter suit?"
"If there is just cause, that's a possibility. I need to know first if you'll allow me to take your case and second, what your expectations of me would be."
"I can't pay you if I lose, it's going to wipe me out."
"That's not an issue." Brittany said from across the room and Megan actually glared at her and then looked back to me.
Brittany looked apologetic and it thrilled me.
It was obvious who wore the pants in that relationship.
"What she means to say is that I want to do it pro bono...if you win and feel like you want to pay me, we can cross that bridge when we get there. As of now, money isn't a factor."
"Okay, can I talk to Santana for a minute before I give you an answer."
She pulled a card from her pocket and handed it to me.
It was crisp and simple, with her name on it and a number.
"Just give me a call when you're ready. I know that you've got a lot on your plate, so we will head out and await your call. Just know that the sooner we can get a response into the court, the sooner we can have this behind us."
"Okay, thank you, Megan."
Santana was her best self as she escorted them out to the hallway, leaving me to sit there staring at a card wondering what my next move should be.
But then I saw the ring and remembered...I wasn't calling the shots anymore.
And I felt relieved. I just didn't want to think about anything anymore but getting sober.
Maybe I needed to lean into this whole Santana being the head thing.
If she wanted to deal with the stress and bullshit, more power to her.
The door opened and she came back in, stripping out of my hoodie before tossing it on the chair.
She wore a plain white shirt and looked even smaller than before.
I did my best to not stare at her chest.
"So, what do you want out of this?" She asked as she took the card from my lap ignoring my stare.
"I don't know if I want to be a doctor anymore, at least not a surgeon, I'm just not cut out for it."
Her eyebrows raised and I saw a flash of anger but she sighed and let it go.
"That's a lot of time and money to waste, Q."
"I know, we'd be in such a different place if I had done something else, though and I'm not really happy like I should be."
"Too late to think about that now. Are you essentially saying you want to quit medicine before they take it from you?"
"Yeah. I'm done. Maybe I'll teach instead."
"I could see that, Luce. You'd be a great teacher."
"Professor...I think I'd want to teach med students."
"Okay, then we tell Megan that, anything else?"
"I WAS high during that surgery...like really, really high. I killed that kid. I blanked out for most of it. I don't remember if I scrubbed or if I cut something...I don't even know."
"Whoa...don't go admitting to shit like that. You don't know it was you. Do you even know how the kid died?"
I was crying now as I shook my head, remembering the faces of the kids I worked on that day.
"No."
"Then don't go jumping the gun. We are going to fight this. If that means we have to pay out a settlement, I will dig into my trust fund."
"No, that's not what I want."
"Q, we used it to buy the LA house and we sold for double. Do you even know how much money we have after that?"
I looked at her for a long moment, trying my best to remember the last time I looked at the bank ledger but I couldn't think of it.
She paid the bills, did the shopping, and managed our money. I really had no clue.
"Well, your work money is in an account all your own. I still pay things with it, stuff for the kids mainly but on my end...with my trust fund and the money from the sale of the house, we've got close to 9 million dollars, stashed away. I have been meaning to set up the trusts for the kids and I just haven't. Maybe now is the time, so that no matter what, their money is untouchable."
"Are you kidding? That's...love, that's a lot of money."
"Anthony's trust became my trust and then, Papi just kept putting money in and then Abuela left me a nice chunk of money. So don't worry about it. I need you to just focus on what your endgame is. Sobriety, a different career, what else?"
"That's it...I want us to be good, better than that, I want us to be the best. I want to sober and for you to stay sober. Maybe you and I can write an album or something. I just want to live better than my parents ever did."
"Then it's settled, from here on out, we do things differently and together!."
"Go team Sinn." I said and she grinned.
"Team Sinntana all the way." She chuckled and then crashed her lips against mine.
And I soaked it up...just like I always should have.
A/N: More to come. Review this puppy would ya? Light coming next!