Written Rivers

Book 2: A Tie Amongst Rivers

Chapter 5: An Unexpected Fall

Chihiro's face seemed to drain of all warmth. What? Was she what?

Chihiro sat there, mouth opening and closing but no words really being able to form on her lips. Was she in love with- oh for the love of all- were they serious? Sure, she'd heard them tease about forever now, but for them to ask so blunt now was just unnerving.

She finally found words that came out awkwardly. "You can't be serious?"

Rumi looked toward the rest of the table with an unimpressed look. "Did I stutter?"

Chihiro gaped again and took in the reactions of everyone at the table. Yuuka and Makoto seemed to be in on some joke that she was oblivious to, Zeniba… well, she was being Zeniba with her knowing watchful eyes, continuing her knitting while Kaonashi helped. The most impressive look was from Boh, he sat staring at them all, appalled by the sudden turn of conversation and somewhat lost.

"Why would she love Haku?" Boh asked, the disappointment and slight disgust in his tone was a combination of uncomforting and comical.

"I-I don't, Boh! Don't worry. They're making assumptions that aren't there." Chihiro said, trying to divert the conversation.

"As much as assuming leads to rumors, assumptions can be based off truths as well," Zeniba added, sipping her tea.

"Obaa-Saaan." Chihiro grimaced.

"Hm?" She replied innocently.

Chihiro rolled her eyes. "Seriously though, what would be the point of falling in love with Haku? I'm not staying here and I'm disconnecting from the Spirit World anyway." Once the words left her mouth, a rock dropped in the pit of her stomach. Is that how she really felt? No…

"You want to leave?"

The small voice made her realize the other reason for the sick feeling in her stomach. Boh. She'd told him that she wasn't planning to ever return during their visit before their supposed return to the Human World, but she never meant it to sound so cruel in that moment. She felt guilty.

"Oh, Boh… I didn't mean it like that…" She tried to console him, but there really was no point. He was smart, he knew she wouldn't return, but the way she stated it wasn't right… "I'm sorry..."

He shook his head and sniffled. "Sure… I understand…" Boh turned his attention back to his coloring, effectively shutting her and the rest of the conversation out.

Chihiro winced and shifted her attention back to the rest of the table, who seemed to be waiting for her confirmation of their assumptions. "Guys, I really think you've misinterpreted everything between Haku and I. And besides, I can't fall in love with him. We're from two different worlds. It's just not possible even if I could."

"Girl." Rumi chided, shaking her head and leaning back in her chair. "For someone who can write novels and articulate facts about gods of ancient times, you suck at articulating your feelings. There are just so many plot holes and contradictions in your words and actions that it hurts. You've really always been a terrible liar."

Chihiro gaped in response. Her friend's bluntness would be the end of her one day. Plot holes and contradictions? Liar? What was that supposed to mean? She couldn't even respond with intelligible words.

Yuuka looked away, trying to look uninvolved. "She's not wrong…"

"You too?!" The Ogino managed.

"Hey, we kinda lived in the same head for six years," Yuuka said taping her head. "We're bound to agree on some things." Rumi nodded to that.

"They're both right, Chihiro." Zeniba finally said.

Chihiro stared wide eyes at her grandmother figure, resisting the urge to groan. "Am I missing something here?"

"I believe you told Haku something similar, didn't you?" Zeniba said, unfazed.

"Excuse me?"

"Didn't you tell Haku that you couldn't tell if he wanted you here or in the Human World? That one moment he talked about you leaving the Spirit World, then the next befriending you and talking to you like you'd never leave?"

Chihiro gulped. "Well yeah, but what's that got to do with this?"

"Again," Yuuka exasperated. "It has everything to do with anything."

Chihiro shot her another glare.

"What it has to do with this," Zeniba continued. "Is that you are doing the same thing now and I don't believe you realize you're doing it."

Chihiro paused. Was she? Was she giving wrong impressions? She grimaced and thought of all the moments she's shared with Haku and all the moments she persisted that she was leaving... Was there really a contradiction between her words and actions? Was she being a hypocrite? She told Haku not to do this… now she was doing it herself…

Zeniba observed her and gave her an empathetic look. "Chihiro, it's okay to feel this way. It's okay to love someone."

This caught her off guard. What was she talking about? Of course, it was okay to love somebody, but usually the one you love is from the same world as yourself.

"What are you getting at? Of course, I know that. I can love somebody, just like anyone else. That's the way the world is."

"I don't think you understand, Chihiro," Zeniba said. "You've never tried to love anyone because you feel unlovable."

The words sank so deep into her being that she could audibly hear a crash in the abyss of her mind. The crashing sound of truth breaking down a wall of stubbornness and insecurities. She was beginning to feel vulnerable. Her voice was barely audible. "What?"

"Chihiro," The old witch started. "I want you to look around you."

She complied shakily, looking at every one of her friends in the room, each meeting her gaze with warmth. Even stubborn Boh.

"All these people, all these friends… they love you."

Chihiro began to shake a little. "I… I know that…" She said instinctively.

"Do you?" Rumi asked, a warm but sad look in her eye.

"What?"

"Chi-Chan… You need to let go of this. You need to realize that we're all here for you and that we all love you. If we can love you, you can find it somewhere in that stubborn mind of yours to maybe possibly love yourself." Rumi smiled, gingerly putting her hand over hers.

Kaonashi decided to chime in with a few grunts and a smile, causing Chihiro to smile unconsciously and chuckle, wiping a tear from her eye that she didn't realize fell.

"I'm sorry guys…" She started, not sure where she was taking it. "I never… I never realized I'd been pushing you all away…" She let out a wry chuckle. "To think I thought I was the one holding everyone together… You were all…" She shook her head.

"Chi-Chan." Rumi smiled. "We all love you. You gotta love yourself too."

A tear slipped past Chihiro's eye and nodded, wiping it away. "Yeah…"

"And…" Yuuka added, clearing her throat. "If we can love you… what makes you think Kohaku-San can't…"

Chihiro considered her. Did she love Haku? And, more questionably, did he love her? Because it would be one thing if she loved him and that was it. Unrequited love and she left at that to go back to the Human World… Yeah, the Human World.

OR. She loved him and he loved her back… What happened then? Did they tell each other and live happily after ever? Yeah. That would be the day. What then? She lives out the rest of her days in the Spirit World? Leaving behind everything she ever knew, her family, her career, everything? Was that possible? Was all that possible?

Or, they both love each other and live out the rest of their days in two different worlds. Forever star-crossed lovers that would never be. Forever apart, never knowing if the other loved the other...

Did she love him?

She shook her head. "Sorry, Yuuka. As much as you may like that to be the case, I don't love Haku." She shrugged, a suppressed feeling of dread coming over her mind as the words fell from her lips. Words were becoming hard to say. "It's just not possible and the feelings aren't there. I love him, Yuuka, just not like that."

Yuuka looked downcast and disappointed, like her dreams had been crushed. "Right…"

"Are you sure about this Chihiro?" Zeniba pressed, like she wasn't exactly convinced.

Chihiro sucked in a breath and nodded. "Yeah… I am…" She rose to her feet. "If you'll excuse me, it's getting late… I'm going to head to bed now." She thanked Zeniba for the food and cleared her part the table to clean her dishes and left.

When the sound of the door to her room clicked, she pressed her back against it and let out a sigh. She thought over the conversation she'd just been through. Some parts she could smile at, others she felt guilty about, and others… She sighed and slid down the door to the floor.

"I don't love him…" She recounted aloud. She grimaced and covered her eyes, letting out a silent sob from the back of her throat. "I can't love him…"

Upon Chihiro's return, something seemed… off. Haku could not quite place what it was, but it was there. He decided to brush it off and save it for another time. Now he had been hoping to ask her something since she left, for old time's sake. He wanted to have dinner with her as they did in their dreams. When he approached her about it, she seemed hesitant and seemed to intentionally avoid eye contact. This bothered him, and he could not help but feel that he had done something wrong or something happened during Chihiro's week away that changed things.

Whatever it was, it was pushed aside long enough for Chihiro to agree to dinner. They decided to have a pre-sunset dinner before opening on the terrace of Haku's room. He would have the chiefs cook them something special and ask that they not be bothered. They both needed a break from everything going on and he felt that he owed her this much. Especially after a month's worth of being sent through a defective tunnel and helping tirelessly around the Bathhouse.

It was also for himself… A type of closure for himself. Any day now, the gate would open again and she would be gone forever. He needed to bring closure to his mind and take advantage of every last minute left with her.

He cleared his schedule for the afternoon the following day after her return from Zeniba's. He would spend the morning getting all his work out of the way and the afternoon preparing for the dinner. He could not remember the last time he was this excited about something. No… He could. Every time he had to wait for a chance to dream with Chihiro, the anticipation would just boil within him. This felt no different. Loneliness had slowly become his companion everytime her presence was outside his reach. Another reason he wanted closure so that his new companion might leave.

When everything was set up and he was in the waiting period before the official dinner time, he sat at the table and took in his work. He was quite proud of his efforts and could not wait to show it off to Chihiro.

He paused. Was this the love that had drawn him to Chihiro? The feeling that pained him now that she was leaving? He let out a small laugh and readjusted some of the tableware, keeping himself occupied. He still needed to change into one of his nicer kimono- well not too nice, this was not particularly a formal dinner or anything. He was just...

He sighed and went to change before he thought himself to death. Why was he acting like this? It was getting ridiculous how cautious he had become around the human girl.

The sound of a soft knock on his door caused him to come out of his thoughts. He straightened out his attire and went to the door. Behind the door was Chihiro, fussing nervously with her yukata. She looked… beautiful. Her yukata was a dull forest green, decorated with simple sakura petals. Her hair was pulled back in a loose bun. Her make up was simple yet it accentuated her already beautiful features. He about closed the door to restart the scene in disbelief.

"Um…" Chihiro played with some of her loose strands of hair. "I didn't know how casual or formal to dress up… Is this too much? I mean, I can change."

"No," Haku said without thinking. "You look stunning."

Chihiro blushed and came into the room, following Haku out to the roofed balcony with a view of the waters. There he had a nice table set up with a small bouquet of Chihiro's favorite flowers, with a mix of a few of his own language. He had learned early on that Chihiro by no means knew the art of flower language, so alongside her favorite flower, the orchid, he mixed in his hidden words of affection for her with flowers such as yellow tulips and sweet peas amongst others. The yellow tulips expressed his love for her, no matter how one-sided, and the sweet peas said a gentle goodbye to his dear friend, though when the goodbye would come was unbeknownst to any of them. He would not say it aloud, but he was grateful that Ayame introduced him to the world of flower language during their brief time together.

The rest of the table was adorned with fine china, which he would also unwillingly thank Ryujin for introducing him to the fine art of pottery and china. He seemed to have a lot to be thankful for in the making of this moment, but seeing Chihiro's awed expression made every lesson with the intolerable worth it.

"Haku, I…" Chihiro blinked in the sight, looking rather astonished at best.

Haku almost faltered a frown and looked back at the table. Was it too much? "Do you not like it?"

"What?" She said peeling her eyes from the setup. "Oh, no, it looks nice. I… I just wasn't expecting this much." Then she began to mumble as she always did when unsure how to phrase things, picking at her nails. "I mean, it's no different from some of the nice dinners we had in our dreams, but I'm still a bit shocked. It's a good thing I didn't dress too casual, I'm sure glad I was able to get ahold of this yukata. Why Rin had such a nice yukata, I have no idea. Am I talking too much?"

Haku stared in amazement and almost chuckled. What a curious woman she was. He had never met such a spirited person in all his years. She had some effect on others just by being in the room or speaking to them. Even in her mumbling.

He simply smiled and cleared his throat, catching her attention, as she was admiring the floral arrangement. "Shall we sit?"

Chihiro blushed once again and complied a nod.

They sat at the low rising table and soon one of the chefs from the kitchen downstairs came to provide them with cups of tea and started passing out the food entrees. It was a simple traditional meal, but by way of preparation, it looked like the most eloquent meal one had ever laid eyes on. As soon as all the food was set out, they clapped their hands with an echoed "itadakimasu," and began eating.

After a moment of eating, Haku placed his chopsticks down and sparked up a conversation. "How was the visit with Zeniba?"

"Good," Chihiro answered, placing her own chopsticks down and smiled. Then she added apprehensively, "there was certainly a lot to talk about."

"Oh?" Haku replied. "Would you like to share?"

Chihiro looked off in a pensive manner. "Oh, you know, we caught up on the last month, talked about what Yuuka had been learning now that she lived with Obaa-San…" She paused. "And the future…"

He nodded. The future had become ever a touchy and confusing subject as of late. He himself did not know what the future held for any of them with all that was going about. "I understand," he said simply. "Well, there is no telling what the future may bring, and we should not be fussing over it as much as we have. Right?" This was almost more for himself than Chihiro.

Chihiro nodded and went back to drinking her miso soup, nonetheless content with the situation. This brought him back to the earlier feeling that something was wrong. Instead of addressing it though, he changed the subject to something with a little more life and Chihiro seemed to gladly move on with him. They continued to eat and talk, laughing and enjoying each other's company. It was a wonderful feeling of deja vu and warm memories of the dream visits flitted his mind as they continued on.

After some time, Haku decided to switch back to a topic that had been bothering him since she got back from Zeniba's. It seemed like an appropriate time, with Chihiro in some better spirits. He cleared his throat. "Is there anything bothering you?"

Chihiro seemed a bit caught off guard. "Excuse me?"

"You have been acting a bit odd since you came back. Did something happen at Zeniba's?"

She gnawed at her lip for a moment then looked him in the eye shyly. "If I can be honest?"

"I would not expect anything less." He replied, lacing his fingers in front of him.

She drawled out a sigh. "Well then, honestly, it's the ongoing issue I've had since our unplanned permanent stay…" She was skirting the actual answer, but he understood what she was saying.

"Whether you can stay or not, hm?" Haku insighted.

She grimaced and nodded, looking off to somewhere nearby. "No matter how much we talk of not fussing over the future and… fate." She hissed the last word. "It's somehow gotten complicated and not much of the circumstances have changed…"

"Not much? Then let us break down what has." He offered, absently rubbing his temple at a slight ache in his head. Probably just the food.

A blush seemed to dust her cheeks, but why she would blush was beyond him. "Well…" She started. "Well for one, of course, the gate… and then there's how the whole idea of letting everything go is becoming quite bothersome, especially since instead of growing distance, I'm getting closer with everyone."

"I see," Haku replied, his voice sounding faint to himself.

However, as much as he tried, he was actually finding it hard to focus on the conversation. A dull pressure had begun to form in the back of his head from earlier and was beginning to feel like a pain he had not felt in a long time. He had chosen to ignore it, marking it up as a headache or his body telling him he was full or maybe he should have chosen a different meal. He tried to return his attention back to Chihiro, who was still talking about her dilemma, but he was finding it hard to even focus on her words, let alone her.

The dull ache in head seemed to seep into the rest of his body, nausea began to take over and he could see everything around him begin to blur and double. The blurred concerned look of Chihiro was the last thing he saw as he felt gravity pull him towards the ground and hit head hard on something. Effectively putting him under in a dark abyss.

A/N:

What happened to our dear Haku? Will he be all right? Should we be concerned? Did our author kill him before progress could be made?! Pshh. Now why would I do that?

Chihiro is an overthinker when it comes to love like I am. Lol

I've had to catch myself several times since I noticed the writing style has changed ever so slightly after I started rereading The Chronicles of Narnia. Thank you, CS Lewis, thank you sooo much for your British influence on my writing. XD

Thanks for reading and don't forget to review! And for those that do review, I thank you a bunches!

Thank you for the reviews from: picklesisadeadcat, RSBCS, Rosettaxfantasy, Kra, Turniptree, Sypherpol, chimera-writes, and Ai Star.

God bless! KawaChou