Written Rivers

Book 2: A Tie Amongst Rivers

Chapter 8: No Expectations, No Hope

Chihiro sat in the corner of the break room. It was only earlier that evening she had told the girls of her feelings for Haku. It almost felt like a bluff… did she really say all that to them? Did she believe it? Maybe she said it just to get them off her backs… No. She meant it. She had finally come to terms with herself. The girls and everyone were right, it was time she stop living in "what ifs" and start living for the now and tomorrow.

But maybe it was just her giving herself no expectations. If she didn't put up any expectations, then she wouldn't get her feelings hurt. If she just told everyone her feelings maybe she could finally let go of the silly notion of love.

But that wasn't what she wanted. She told them for accountability, she told them because she did have hopeful expectations.

"Hey, Sen!"

Chihiro looked up and saw a bun being tossed in her direction. She caught it and looked up to find Rin walking toward her, her mouth already filled with a bun of her own. She sat next to her and nudge her.

"Whatchu doing over her looking like kicked dog?"

Chihiro grimaced at the comparison as she examined her bun. "Is that a necessary analogy?"

Rin shrugged. "Probably not but you're definitely moping. What's up?"

"Hm? Really? Nothing really, just lost in thought." She said as she took a bite of her bun.

"I've heard that's a dangerous place to be." Rin laughed. "I hear Haku is supposed to be cleared from house arrest in the morning."

Chihiro paused before laughing herself. "Oh really? That's good. That means he's feeling better. I'm glad."

Rin didn't speak for a moment and Chihiro looked up to find her scrutinizing her. "What?" She laughed hesitantly.

"That's all?" The weasel spirit started. "That's good? I'm glad? After everything that's happened and the way you've reacted over the last week, all I get is 'I'm glad'?"

"Uuum…" Chihiro side glanced. "I'm excited?"

"Unbelievable!" Rin exasperated, throwing her arms in the air, almost losing the contents of her bun.

"What?" Chihiro laughed again. "I am overjoyed he's better. But there's only so much I can say or do. I'm not going to explode about everything that has to do with Haku."

Rin scoffed. "Right." She took another big bite of her bun. "Well anyway, with him outta the bin he'll be back to scrutinizing the place." She huffed. "But at least I won't be stuck in charge anymore. It gets tiring after a while. I don't mind it but doing long term is exhausting."

Chihiro nodded, eating more of her bun. "Has he found anymore names?"

Rin paused and lowered her bun. "Nah. Not yet. I have to wonder if there are anymore. If he hasn't found them by now they're probably long gone."

"I'm sure they'll turn up."

"Nah. There's no point in getting my expectations up. I'm Rin. And if I don't know who I used to be, it may be better off that way. What if I was the worst kind of villain or worse," she looked around and whispered, "royalty."

Chihiro laughed again. "That'd be the worst. So many responsibilities and rules."

"I know, right?"

"Mm…" Chihiro finished her bun. "Well I better head back. My break is over unfortunately." She stuck out her tongue and stood up.

"Alright, kiddo." Rin winked. "See ya around."

Chihiro waved as she left and headed back to going about the Bathhouse doing her usual chores and errands for other staff. Time seemed to go pretty fast as she made her way around the rest of the evening. It felt weird to walk around with a new sense of purpose. Whether it was good weird she didn't know, but it was definitely new.

Lost in thought, as always, she turned a corner and nearly jumped out of her skin when a hand reached out and pulled her into a dark side room. Before she could let out a scream, the hand covered her mouth and shushed her.

"Do you want to alert the whole Bathhouse that I snuck out?" A low familiar voice hissed.

Chihiro blinked as she adjusted to the dark lighting. "Haku?" She whispered.

"The one and only." The voice replied, the smile audible in his tone.

She could feel her cheeks burning up. Crap. "Aren't you still under house arrest? Couldn't this wait?" She flustered.

He laughed. "It could have but I wanted to ask you something and I did not want to wait any longer than I have."

Chihiro felt her ears burning, maybe she wasn't as confident as she thought. "Can't we do this somewhere else?"

"Hm? Oh, you are right… hmmm…" He hummed. "Meet me in my office."

"Why didn't you just do that to begin with? You could have just sent Makoto or Ame!" Chihiro huffed. "You're such a child sometimes."

"Why, thank you." She could hear his smug smirk. "And besides Ame is on an errand for me and Makoto would have told Yuuka."

"Shut up." She mumbled.

"I missed you." She barely heard him say under his breath, she almost thought she imagined it.

"What was that?"

"Nothing. I have just grown impatience and I am tired of being stuck in my room. I will see you in a bit."

He opened the door and pushed her out, leaving her slightly dumbfounded. "That is some serious cabin fever." She paused, then brought her hands over her face and muffled a scream. "Damn you, Kohaku… you're not making this easy, you childish imp!"

With that she composed herself, straightened and made her way up the few flights to Haku's office. She stood outside his office with a slight shake in her frame. Why was she so nervous? She felt like a total school girl. Did he always make her feel like this? This was more difficult than she thought, especially after talking head to the girls. She shook her head. She just had to act normal. It was going to be okay… What was normal again?

Chihiro took a deep breath and knocked on the office door, confident that her was there, even though she had just seen him downstairs moments before. She swore sometimes that he had secret tunnels running through the place so he could get places quicker.

A moment later, Haku opened the door, his face beaming. "I was wondering when you would show up."

"Impatient much?" Chihiro asked as she entered.

"I believe I have already confessed to that." He laughed. "Shall we have a seat?"

She complied. "What was so urgent it couldn't wait until morning?"

Haku paused and shrugged slightly. "I wanted to talk now. I have waited far too long to make this decision. I may be acting impatient but it is something that needs to be said."

Chihiro waited. "And?"

"Oh, not here. I want to make it special."

"Kohaku, this is really unlike you? Who are you and what did you do with Nigihayami Kohaku Nushi?"

"My mentor may have hit me in the head a few times." He chuckled.

"Haku…" She said warily. "Seriously, what's going on?"

He sighed. "I want to try and have dinner again. Last time it did not go too well."

"That's a bit of an understatement." Chihiro huffed.

"True, but this time I will cook."

Chihiro raised an eyebrow. "The great Kohaku Nushi can cook?"

"Is it that surprising?" He laughed. "It is also a guarantee that we will both be safe."

She pierced her lip. "Right…"

"Chihiro."

She looked him in the eyes, releasing her lip.

"It will be fine. I am not going to worry anymore, neither should you." He smiled.

Chihiro smiled and nodded. Everything would be alright…

"I will save what I really want to say till then."

"You're horrible, Haku." She chastised.

"Thank you." He smirked.

Rumi swirled the glass of sake in her hand, the appealing numbness of alcohol starting to take over her mind. She was starting to understand why her father used to turn to it when she was a child. Her biological father, not her… "adopted" father. No, he never drank a day in his life. No, her real father would drink whenever stress started to kick in. These are only things she remembered after she got her memories back. He wasn't abusive or anything of the sort but he certainly didn't spare the bottle whenever life was taking a nosedive. She was seeing the appeal in the liquid that burned her throat slightly as it numbed her mind.

She set the drink down. She was tired… she was so, so tired. She just wanted to rest. She felt worn. She just wanted everything to stop.

After Chihiro had told her and Yuuka that she had figured it out she, felt like something struck her. She felt like the thing that had defined her so far had been stripped from her. She was proud of her friend but something about the sudden maturity in Chihiro left her feeling… empty. She wasn't needed anymore. After almost ten years of being the friend that Chihiro leaned on, she was no longer needed. She was happy that Chihiro was coming around. She deserved it.

"What about you?" Yuuka had asked. "Don't you deserve to be happy?"

She tightened her hold around her glass and tipped it back. She did like Makoto. She wanted to be a good friend. She wanted to genuinely smile for the first time in what felt like years. She wanted to be happy. She wanted to be herself again.

She went to pour another glass and stopped. This wasn't going to help… Her father was wrong about this. The numbness is not what she needed. She needed air. She needed to think. She needed to get up and walk around in the cool night air.

Rumi got up and found one of her simple cardigans to go over her casual black dress. She left her room and quietly made her way down to the lower levels of the Bathhouse, avoiding the crowded hallways filled with guests and staff. It was late into the evening and she could hear the bustling of the Bathhouse as spirits rushed to and fro. It was her night off and she was spending it drinking her blues away… wonderful.

When she finally made it to the bottom floor and exited into the side garden area, she took a deep breath of the cool air. She wandered out towards the bridge, getting strange looks from spirits crossing the bridge and a tall frog spirit and Aogeru welcoming the guests as they came in.

"Rumi-San? Where are you going?" Aogeru asked.

Rumi turned to him as she passed and brought her finger to her lips with a smile. "Ssssh." Her steps stumbled slightly and she kept walking, leaving behind a very confused spirit.

She wandered into the large garden area where she'd usually go to collect her thoughts. She sat on her usual hill spot that viewed the Bathhouse and sea that went forever, a line of lights that just edged the surface of the horizon. She stared for a few moments, taking in the view, trying to come to terms with her swimming thoughts of emotions she didn't want to deal with. She sat there…

"Nope. Not helping." She stood suddenly and brushed herself off. Her mind was still running and the fogginess of the alcohol was making everything more confusing. Honestly she just needed to get out.

She started wandering aimlessly once again, with no point of direction. Probably wasn't smart but she didn't care. No one would care. No one needed her anyway. She'd been used and was of no use anymore. She wasn't needed.

Rumi stopped. "I'm not needed." A tear slipped down her cheek. "She doesn't need me anymore. None of them do… they wouldn't care if I simply disappeared."

Yuuka wandered into Chihiro and Rumi's room where she found Chihiro taking her break before the final stretch of her shift before closing. She hadn't seen Rumi all night and was starting to get worried. It wasn't like her to disappear like that. It was her night off but for her to just not be around was strange.

She skipped her way over to where Chihiro sat at the table, who was idly looking at a set of sake cups sitting on the table, a bottle of empty sake not to far.

"Is it really wise to be drinking in the middle of your shift?" Yuuka asked, jokingly.

Chihiro glanced up with a furrow. "No, I just got back from talking with Haku-"

"He's still in his room right?" Yuuka asked. She told him he wasn't to leave until morning, he better not be so stubborn or impatient as to leave a whole four hours early.

"Huh?" Chihiro blinked, as if thrown off guard. She blushed. "Um. No. I mean, yes, ugh. Anyway I was just got back from talking with him and I found these glasses and the empty bottle when I got here."

Ignoring Chihiro's flustering for now, Yuuka focused on the issue at hand. "Do you think Rumi drank all that?" It wouldn't surprise her, but she hadn't shown this kind of abusive behavior toward liquor in years.

Chihiro shrugged hesitantly. "We're the only ones that come in here other than you, Haku, Rin, and Makoto. So unless Ryujin-San or one of the staff snuck in and decided to steal a bottle, there's no way anyone would be able to get to it." She pierced her lip. "Rumi isn't like this. Or at least hasn't been since our early college days. What would cause her to suddenly drink a whole bottle of sake?"

Yuuka shrugged, nervously. "Do you think she finally snapped? There's been a lot going on in her life lately? Do you think something finally tipped her off?"

"But what would set her off? I can't think of anything. Is there anything she would have told you that she wouldn't tell me? I know you two are close since, you know, maybe she'd tell you."

"Yeah but we really haven't been the same since she found out the truth. Sure she still tells me things, but it's not the same. She does still talk to Makoto." Yuuka gasped. "We have to tell Makoto."

Chihiro quirked a brow. "I could have told you that but why that reaction?"

"Because she likes him."

Chihiro blinked then looked down and whispered. "I knew it."

"You did?"

"Yeah, but I've been so self absorbed lately-"

"Really now?"

"Yeah, really, that I haven't really taken the time to acknowledge her feelings. She's liked him for a while now, she just hasn't put it out there. She's always kept things to herself."

"Sounds familiar." Yuuka scoffed, earning a sarcastic from Chihiro. "But I think right now the only one who can talk to her right now is him. I've seen the way she looks at him. She trusts him and respects him. They both do."

"Then let's find him before she gets in trouble."

Makoto raced through the forest, stopping to sniff the air every so often. He heard everything the girls said. He did not even wait for them to come find him when he heard everything from outside their door, he just left.

He had not told anyone but he did love the human girl he had come to know over the years. He had fallen in love with her courage and love for her friends and family, real or fake. He had fallen in love with her spite to all odds and the way she would stand up for her friends.

He had fallen in love with her the moment his eyes laid on her. Something about her fierce determination to live and be bold. It was what he wanted to be. The first day he met her was the day of the car crash. The day she should have died. The day he dragged her half dead body from the car and into the one with the still living family's car as Yuuka took over her body.

He had never told her of how he helped save her life. Maybe it was for better. He knew that she would one day need to forget him and return to her world. But as time drew on, she leaned on him when she could not lean on Chihiro. She carried the burden of knowing that the Spirit World still coexisted with the Human World and seeing between the worlds while pretending it was not there for the sake of her friend. She had no one else to lean on and confide in. So he took her in. He listened to her and shouldered her burdens. He took on what she could not.

He always suppressed the feelings, knowing he could never have her with their worlds so far apart. Besides Haku had wanted the ties to be cut, that would mean letting whatever bonds he had with her void. So when the gate closed, it was an opportunity for false hopes. False expectations. It was almost like a second chance. But at the same to it was a curse. If she did return his affections, he would bond more and have to let her go when Haku cut ties with them. He would have to remain by his Master's side, no matter his feelings. Haku's word took priority.

But he did it all of it anyway, because he loved her. He did stay, because he loved her. Not just because Haku ordered him and to protect Chihiro, but to protect the one he loved. The one he imprinted on from day one. The one he had been waiting for through all the trials of his life. He needed to tell her. He needed to find her. Protect her.

Makoto searched through the forest, the sounds of the late night filling his senses. It was terribly cold and he was beginning to worry if Rumi was dressed for the weather. He had grabbed some of his furs from his room on the way out to give to her if she needed it. He prayed under his breath as he searched, straining his ears. Aogeru had said she went to the garden and looked like she had had one too many to drink. Why was she drinking? What happened? What changed?

No matter what, he would find her.

Rumi looked around and had the sudden realization she didn't know where she was. She was surrounded by forest. She found herself hugging her cardigan closer to herself, cowering from every sound she heard. The clicking of kodama filled the air as a cold gust of wind blew threw. She didn't know how to get out.

She walked through a bit more, everything in her that was still sober screaming to 'stay put,' but she kept going with heavy steps. She wanted out, but she felt drawn to something. A song, a wind. Something was drawing her deeper. She continued until she came to a clearing where she saw a single blue flame at the center of the clearing.

Something in her told her stay away, but whatever sensibility she had was out of reach as she slowly approached the small flame. It was a small flame, floating at eye level without a source in the air. A flame with no candle.

As she came closer she was able to see how pretty the flame was, the way it flickered like it was dancing. The closer she got, she noticed the bigger it seemed to grow. With each step, her feet seemed to be getting heavier.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw another dancing blue flame, this one a little bigger. She stopped and glanced around to find more flames coming from the edge of the forest. Her mind began to grow more tired and her mind seemed to be sobering. Something didn't feel right. Her mind started raking through whatever knowledge of spirits she had. She knew what this was. Her eyelids began to get heavy… what were they?

Rumi's eyes suddenly widened. Onibi! They were onibi! They would drain her of life and leave her for with nothing but a corpse for her name! She had to get out!

Her mind sobered quickly as more lights started to come out of hiding. No. This wasn't how she would go. She needed to tell Makoto that she loved him. She needed to figure out her next steps. She wasn't as confident as everyone thought. She was scared. She was terrified. She needed to tell everyone that she needed help too! She didn't want to die!

The familiar song of a yosuzume spirit made her scream. An okuri-inu was there to eat her next! She screamed and cried as she felt the energy in her begin to drain as the lights drew closer.

"Makoto!" She finally screamed at the top of her lungs.

The sudden sound of howling and gnashing teeth jarred her as she felt herself be scooped into a strong set of arms, dashing out of the circle of lights. Everything was a blur for a moment and as much as she wanted to scream and struggle in the person's arms, she felt safe and comfortable. She curled into the arms further and wept.

When the world stopped dashing by, Rumi looked up and found a clearing in the forest. She then looked warily up at the person holding her and found Makoto.

Fresh tears formed in her eyes and she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Makoto! Thank the gods. Thank you, Makoto!"

Makoto sat them in the clearing and squeezed her in his arms, cradling her as if to shield her from the world. "I was so worried. I thought I would not find you in time."

"I- I don't know what happened. I was in my room and- and I was- Aogeru, the garden- lost- lights- yosuzume-"

"Rumi-San, Rumi-San." Makoto took her face in both his hands. "Sssh. You are safe now. I will not let anything hurt you. I am here."

"Makoto… I was so scared…" She went back to hugging him.

"I know… but I am here now and nothing else will get to you." He returned the hug, reassuring her of his presence.

They sat there for what seemed like forever before Rumi calmed enough to lean away and talk. Makoto's blue-green eyes examined her as he felt her face to check for temperature or injury.

"What were you doing out here?" He finally asked, pulling out a blanket of furs and wrapping it around her.

Rumi looked down. "I…" She wavered. "I don't know. Honestly everything is slightly blurry before I saw the light yokai…"

"What were you doing?" He repeated, not being fooled by half truths.

She sighed. "I was drinking…"

"Drinking?" He asked. "But why? I know it was your night off, which you are free to do as you like, but drinking to a stupor is not like you."

Rumi gnawed at her lower lip. She could tell him, no? She could tell him how she felt. He's the only one she has confided in for all these years besides Yuuka. He would understand, right?

No, he wouldn't. He wouldn't care. Even all the times he has listened in the past, he didn't care. He just listen out of obligation.

"Rumi." Makoto snapped.

This jarred Rumi out of her thoughts as she tasted iron on her lips. She had gnawed her lip to the point that it broke skin. His voice wasn't harsh but concerned. He genuinely wanted to know if she was okay. He wanted to know. She could confide in him as she always did.

"I… I'm no longer needed…" She said bowing her head again.

"What are you talking about?"

"The last piece that was defining me just left me. I'm nothing. I no longer serve a purpose…" Tears slipped down her cheeks. "There's nothing left to give."

Makoto was silent for a moment, the sounds of the forest around them to filling the silence. Finally, he ask, "where is this even coming from?"

Rumi's brows furrowed and she looked up at him. His eyes were stern and confused. "Excuse me?"

"Where is this coming from? I do not understand your logic. You are everything. You are well needed and well loved by all of us. Where is all of this coming from?"

"Understand my logic?" Rumi asked, dumbfounded but his bluntness. "Makoto, Chihiro has finally got her crap together and no longer needs me. I have no family to go to in the Human World, real or fake family. My whole life was a lie that I don't know how to live with. My future's so up in the air right now that if I tried to reach it, I'd suffocate in space." She took a deep breath. "Chihiro's crap was one of the few things that held me together because it made me feel needed… when she figured it out… it took the last piece of me with it…" She paused and shook her head. "Makoto, I'm just tired…"

"Rumi-San..." Makoto breathe. "Maybe it is time you let someone else take care of everyone else for once."

"What?"

"You have taken on the world for so long. I have listened to you cry by yourself for the last, almost, ten years. I am sorry I have not done more. You are more than a crutch for your friends. You do not have to take care of everyone. You have taken on so much you have forgotten who the most important person to take care for you is." He looked her in the eyes. "Yourself."

"But-"

"No." He interrupted. "You deserve better. You deserve to be happy after all you have given. Let someone else take care of everyone else, and let someone be your shoulder to lean on."

Rumi eyes widened and tears began to form again. She was tired. So tired. She leaned into Makoto's chest and clutched the back of his shirt as she wrapped her arms around his waist.

"I'm so tired Makoto. I'm so... so tired..."

"Then let me be your shoulder."

She paused then leaned away enough to see his face. His blue-green eyes gleamed in the dark, reflecting the stars of the sky. "What?" She said barely a whisper.

"Let me be your shoulder to lean on. Let me carry your burdens. Let me be the one that you come to when it feels like the world is caving in on you. Let me be the one that will protect you." His eyes stared into hers with an intensity she'd never seen in him. "I will protect and comfort you. Stay with me and be mine. Be my mate."

Tears rolled over and ran down Rumi's cheeks. She didn't know what to say. Was this his way of a proposal? At a moment like this? When she was a complete mess?

Rumi's cheeks flushed. "Bu-But, you know how I am. I'm not easy to deal with. I don't even know what I want half the time! I don't even know who I am a majo-"

"Rumi." His eyes still held the same intensity. "Be my mate. I do not want anything else. I know what I want and I want you. I know you. I believe in you and I fell in love with you as you are. Even if you are lost and confused, I will be a guide out of this dark forest that his your heart and mind."

Lost in the forest and emotions taking over. She nodded. That's all she could do.

"Say it." He said in a low voice that almost sounded like a growl.

Rumi let out a shaky breath. "I'll stay..."

"What was that?"

A smile finally tugged at Rumi's lips for the first time that night. He was being coy. "I'll stay with you Makoto… because… I love you. And I have for some time now… I just…"

He smirked and brought his hand to cup her face. "And I you." He leaned down and kissed her forehead. "I love you." He nuzzled her nose, causing it to wrinkle. "I love you." He kissed her on the lips. "And I will say it as many times as you need. I will hold you whenever you need it. Just know I do not like to waste my words or actions." He breathed in her scent. "Rumi, even if the world tells you they do not need you, know that I need you no matter what. You were there at the beginning and I would not have you any other way."

"Thank you." She smiled and leaned in for a kiss again. "Thank you, Makoto…"

They kissed and fell back into the grass, entangled in each others' arms, furs, and blades of grass.

A/N:

Y'all please don't read too much into the quote of last chapter. -.-'

Haku seems kinda out of character, but love makes you do stupid things, especially when you finally acknowledge it and you've been under house arrest for a week. Lol

Don't you hate it when you suddenly go through an identity crisis after the way you've lived for so long is slowly taken away from you until you snap? Don't worry Rumi, everything will be alright!

Not going to lie, Rumi and Makoto were one of those pairings that formed itself in the background of plotting the story. I never had intentions of the pairing and it kinda just happened on its own. I'm glad it did because I love them. They lean on each other for support so many times throughout the story they didn't even realize it happened, like second nature. I love them so much.

Onibi are the Japanese version of will-o-wisps, but much more dangerous. They are blue flames that attack in swarms and drain the life out of their victims, leaving nothing but a corpse behind.

Thanks for reading and don't forget to review! And for those that do review, I thank you a bunches!

Thank you for the reviews from: picklesisadeadcat, RSBCS, Rosettaxfantasy, Kra, Turniptree, Sypherpol, chimera-writes, lackadaises, coolchick87, CluelessPaige, AlexAngel14, MorbidVisionary, and Ai Star.

God bless! KawaChou