A/N Ahhh yes, the ever fun "Oh wait now I have to deal with the emotional damage this caused me too? God dammit"

AKA, no, Josephine, repression is not a long term solution and you know it because it didn't work out for your War of the Ring(tm) trauma either.

The plan is to start their acid trip- I mean their journey through Mirkwood in the next chapter. Barring that it'll probably the one after if the muse goblins decide to derail my plans...again.

Their second day of travel was about the same as the day before, except the ache in her body started up almost as soon as they began riding again. Hell, she was almost looking forward to having to walk again, despite how tiring it might end up and the fact that it would be taking place inside what was probably the worst forest in all of Middle-Earth to traverse. At least the Old Forest had Tom Bombadil to watch over it…maybe. The Hobbits had never mentioned him, she wondered if he existed in her iteration.

Riding in front of Gandalf had ended up being the better choice and he was more lenient with her condition than the dwarves were when she was in view. Josephine appreciated Gandalf's discretion but even he had his limits and they stopped once more on the first day before night fell.

She felt like she was stuck in a battle between feeling stronger as she put days between her and Goblin Town, and having that strength sapped by travel. It was like a tug of war where she was, in some ways feeling better, and in others feeling wrecked and trying not to show it. More than once she fell asleep against Gandalf's shoulder and wished she could just sleep through the rest of their trip for good measure if it weren't for what lurked in her dreams.

But it was no use, even if she found a rhythm with the gait of the horse there was only so much they could do. Had she been home, Aragorn would have had her relegated to bed rest for the next week at least and she would've fought him tooth and nail for it. Now she would've given anything for that kind of privilege.

"Josephine…" He would've sighed every time he found her up.

Then she would say, "I needed to stretch my legs, my ass was going numb."

He would've shaken his head and led her back to their bed, seeing to every pillow and blanket until she was cradled and comfortable. Then the stories would start and his voice would follow her into sleep, a reminder that she was safe.

When she got home, she'd do whatever he asked, bed rest for as long as he thought necessary. She'd let him hover and fuss and cover her in salves until every bruise and scratch was healed.

Somewhere while she was musing on it all, her eyes had slipped shut. When they opened again, the movement had stopped and Thorin's face filled her vision, surrounded by a halo of bright blue sky.

"I was asleep!" She defended, sitting up now while he stood in front of her and the company waited several yards away with the grazing ponies. She'd been sleeping just like she had been, off and on, for the past day and a half while they rode.

"And you often sleep so deeply that you can be pulled from your horse and not hear us calling your name for minutes at a time? I agreed to leave when we did against my better judgment and now I regret my actions."

Okay so he was right about that, that didn't sound like sleep that sounded like straight up unconsciousness. "What choice did we have?!'

"I think perhaps our schedule is not as dire as you may think. One day more at Beorn's may have been enough for this journey to not tax you so."

"I'll manage!" What choice did she have at that point? It wasn't like they could go back now.

"Clearly not!" He bellowed, then seemed to catch himself and pull back his tone. "Now, instead of remaining in relative security within Beorn's walls, I am forced to weigh your limits against our safety." Beginning to pace, he continued. "You may bear wisdom beyond all of us, but you are young and desperate for things to happen as you have seen. Instead of trusting yourself to correct what changes, you have dragged yourself on as if you had never entered that mountain."

"What am I supposed to do? Risk us getting eaten by spiders in Mirkwood because we're two days late and our window of escape is long gone? Fat lot of good me getting a bit more rest will do when they're liquifying my insides!"

Crossing his arms he stopped and glared at her. "We will travel no more this day."

"Oh come on, Thorin."

"It is not up for discussion unless you can offer me a clear reason beyond the dangers of the forest why we cannot delay."

Her frustration built to its breaking point and she yelled at him, loud enough that it drew the attention of the rest of the company who before, had been out of earshot. "Because the last time we were off our mark I was fucking flogged!"

Josephine hadn't fully realized why she'd held on so tightly to leaving when they did. She told herself it was important, the timeline was delicate despite how sticking to it for Mirkwood was a guess and a hope more than a concrete plan. They could still escape Thranduil during the feast regardless of them being captured a few days later than anticipated. Somewhere in the back of her mind there was a danger to deviating that she hadn't put her finger on, and now it made more sense and she felt foolish.

As time went on, her memories of those days underground came back to her and closed around her throat like a hand, urging her on and on. Further from the mountain, further from any chance of being late. She needed to run and the bruises on her wrists were a testament to how curtailed that had been.

Thorin's face fell and his shoulders softened as he started to understand. He kneeled down in front of her and gently placed his hand on her shoulder. "Many times you have asked for my trust, Josephine. Will you not now give me yours?"

In the blink of an eye she'd gone from those tunnels and that chamber to the wilds and it felt like a part of her mind had stayed behind, still bound in the ropes that had held her in place while the stories of goblins and their captives came alive in every nerve of her body.

"Cause that worked out so well for me when I was waiting for someone to intervene BEFORE they started torturing me! You talked a big talk while they were stringing me up and then you just fucking WATCHED!" She yelled in his face, furious at his inaction when he'd managed to stop it well enough after they'd beaten her within an inch of her life.

His hand snapped open and he drew it back from her shoulder, head low as he shrank away. "I had to wager intervening with the possibility that they would kill you outright to punish such an action. I know not if my inaction was the best choice. But now I might come to see you again at your husband's side with my nephews at mine, instead of bearing to him the news of your death. That is what I must take from this."

Josephine knew it was what she would have wanted too, if she'd had the choice. Even this was better than death, better than never going home. Anger was just so much easier to bear than giving space to the helplessness that was becoming more bitter and potent as her mind pieced together her memories. 'Should've' was a mindfuck, she knew that. She also remembered him standing between her and the Goblin King, arguing her release and Nori's exuberant reenactment of how Thorin had shoved the goblin with the whip so hard it had rolled off the platform into the chasm below. He'd done far from nothing.

"I am sorry, Josephine." Hesitantly he returned his hand to her shoulder. "But you cannot continue at such a pace. Running to the forest will not banish the dark dreams that come while you sleep. Nor will distance make the memories fade."

She covered her quivering mouth with her hand, frustrated with herself for her volatility and the tears that seemed to burn in her eyes at the drop of a hat ever since they'd stepped foot in Rivendell. "I'm sorry too." She said quietly. "You didn't stand by and do nothing."

She glanced over at the groups who were all watching what was happening. Fourteen pairs of eyes staring at her as she yelled at Thorin and then proceeded to start crying. Again. Fantastic.

Thorin followed her gaze and frowned, shifting to block their view. "I beg your honesty when I ask how you fare." He caught her eye and smiled at her with sympathy, like he was trying to put her at ease again. "It is no small thing, what happened. Do not treat it as such."

"But that's so much easier," she hiccupped and rubbed her eyes. "Than actually dealing with it."

He looked away and dropped his chin with a shake of his head, but came up still smiling. "I do hope you are joking."

"How else am I supposed to relieve all this tension if not with humor?" She explained, shakily trying to relax her breathing so it stopped sending twinges through her shoulders.

"Since we have no ale and you are too wounded to fight, I will defer to your methods." He chuckled. Then, sobering he brought them back to the task at hand. "Now may we start again? How do you fare?"

"Like death warmed over." She answered honestly. It was a relief to say it, though she tried not to think about how it would enforce Thorin's earlier order that they were done traveling barely an hour after midday. Josephine had a distinct feeling that passing out while they rode meant she didn't have a say anymore, no matter how much she argued about her passable health. "I feel like shit and all I want to do is lay down."

"That request I can grant." He stood and laid his coat out on the grass beside her.

Josephine sighed the second her head rested on the fur collar, wondering how something as simple as going from sitting to lying could make such a difference in how she felt.

Thorin's face turned hard again as he got up and walked towards the company, barking orders for them to set up camp.

Was she making a terrible mistake by surrendering to his decision? There was a chance, though she was afraid to risk it, that a day or two wouldn't cause a problem in the grand scheme of things. There would've been far worse times to take a pause. In the books the elves were tailing them for hours if not days before they were captured. She could only hope it was more a matter of being nearby than being in a certain place at a certain time.

But even she was starting to agree there wasn't another option. Doubt crept into her mind hour by hour about how she was going to manage the next day and then the next after that, and then the long hike through Mirkwood. She hadn't anticipated doing some of journey without being physically sound and Mirkwood was going to be more difficult to travel through than any other part of their trip…well, aside from maybe the river but she'd think about that another day.

Her bed had both literally and figuratively been made for her and now it was her job to lie in it.