A/N We're happy! We're sad! We're happy! We're traumatized.
So it goes.
Are we confused and feeling guilty for things that weren't our fault? Totes.
So it goes.
Are we experiencing the physical and emotional backlash of pushing ourselves waaaay too hard for waaaay too long. For surzies.
So it fucking goesssss
And by we, I of course mean Josephine.
They spoke, they ate, and he helped her back to bed where she slept for another few hours. Boromir took care of the necessary announcements and Aragorn gave the guards outside strict orders against visitors so she wouldn't be disturbed. That evening though, he called for Elrond after she'd woken up again. Aragorn stroked her hair as Elrond gently removed the bandages from the night before.
Aragorn stilled his face on the outside, knowing she could see him, but inside he thought he'd crawl out of his own skin. It was even worse in the daylight, worse when he wasn't trying to take in a dozen different things.
But Elrond's touch was light as he checked the wounds and his voice was calm. "They have fared no worse than I would expect. The wounds will heal easily, though the scars will remain."
"I can work with that. Dudes dig scars." She joked, glancing up at Aragorn from the bed and giving him a wink.
Elrond passed him a reassuring smile as he struggled to hold his pain back from his amused expression for her.
"I am pleased to see you still bear your sense of humor." The elf lord told her as he reached for an earthy, pungent salve.
"The dwarves won't let me get rid of it…wouldn't."
Neither missed her correction, in the span of a few seconds her present had become her past and it hadn't been the first time that had shown itself.
"You're sure the messengers left this morning?"
She'd been insistent word reach Erebor as soon as possible, especially when she found out he'd sent his own messengers there months ago begging after answers. "Boromir saw to it himself, you need not worry."
He reached for her hand as Elrond began to apply the salve and she grimaced. Here and there her hand would twitch in his, the muscles in her back would tense, or she'd bite back a hiss of pain.
Elrond saw it too and paused. "We can take rest as often as you need."
"You've got a lighter touch than Oin, just get it over with." She groaned.
Her reactions having been noticed, she seemed to be working harder at covering them up, channeling it into squeezing his hand and staying stone faced beyond that.
Aragorn knelt so he could match her gaze, as pinched as it was, and kept stroking her hair, hoping it would distract her even just a little. He found another scar as he did, tucked into her hairline after he'd thought he'd found them all. Another mark of danger. There were so many he couldn't help the anger that sat heavy in his stomach both for the Valar for sending her, and her companions. Surely they could've done better, more, anything. He couldn't bear the thought of her state now, being the best protection that could've been given.
Elrond hit a particularly tender point and she jumped and let out a sharp, whining hiss. "Fuck…"
Tears pricked at the corners of her pinched shut eyes.
Soon it passed and she opened them again, looking back at him like she could read his mind. "It wasn't their fault."
He hung on her every word, both needing to know each step that she'd taken and every moment that had passed from her journey, and fearing the knowledge. He had thought of every horrible thing that could befall her while she'd been gone, fearing it in the long hours of the night, and still he'd not entertained this.
"The timing was off when we fell into Goblintown. If anything it was my fault."
"Shh…" He said gently, shaking his head. "The result of a thing is not always cause for guilt." And yet he couldn't hold a small morsel of it against the Company. It was unjust, perhaps, but he couldn't let go of it, not yet.
Her voice shrank as she kept going, sounding like now that she'd begun she couldn't stop. "I knew Gandalf was coming, I should've done a better job staying hidden-"
"You stayed hidden for as long as you were able." He was familiar enough with the power and pain that the word 'should' could bring to a soul. At every turn she made, he would contest it. "I will not allow you to bear guilt for your wounds, Josephine. If with all your strength you could not avoid them then you also could not have stopped them."
"Aragorn is right." Elrond chimed in. "Little aside from a veritable army could have taken Goblintown. It is surprising that you all escaped to begin with."
Aragorn would never not be grateful to Lord Elrond, but he hadn't realized how much that could grow as time passed.
It was again, late morning before Josephine woke up. Surely with all the sleep she was getting she'd stop feeling exhausted but so far it hadn't changed much. Then again, she probably shouldn't have expected to feel better after only being home for a grand total of two days.
Between Aragorn and Ciril, she'd been arranged in her chair by the fire, with her feet up on a cushion and draped in blankets. She very much felt like some sickly Victorian woman being led around by the hand from chair to bed to settee as needed, but after everything over the past few months, she wasn't minding the hovering so much. Hell, it wasn't like she was all that keen to lose physical contact with Aragorn either, even if it was just for a second.
But she was starting to feel a little closed in, going on day two in their chambers and it wasn't balancing well to her long months outside. Which was why, when Boromir came to speak with Aragorn in the other room, she wasn't about to nap and not know what was going on that required his attention.
Boromir had brushed it off when she'd asked, nothing pressing, just an update for Aragorn from the council that he'd just recessed for the hour. But he'd said the word council which meant it was important, especially to her. He'd apparently taken over her weekly councils with the city lords while she'd been gone and that was what he'd come from.
Aragorn though, hadn't been so quick to cut her out, a trait she had, and always would, appreciate about him.
After an explanation from him and some backstory on how things had been going, her interest turned to absolute frustration and she glared at the both of them, though not because either of them had anything to do with the issue.
"You should not have told her." Boromir sighed at Aragorn, brushing his hand over his face. "I could have handled it until she returns to her duties."
"I was gone for what, three months at that point? And he had the balls to start talking about backup plans to replace me?" She wasn't frustrated. She was livid. Maybe not surprised, but definitely angry. "And now he's saying what, exactly?" She stared Boromir down until he broke and answered her.
"He is…questioning the reasons behind your not appearing in court."
"I've been home for a grand total of two fucking day."
"Yes. However, as we are all painfully familiar, Lord Avril was always quite loyal to my father. Any reason he can find to make a negative opinion of you known, he will use it."
Aragorn held back his anger much better than she did and asked him in a measured tone, "And you explained to him that she is wounded and battle worn?"
Boromir nodded and hesitantly continued. "He will not dare say it outright, but it is clear he does not believe the tales of her journey. If we remove that truth, it leaves room for the other, more damaging…rumors."
"Such. As?"
He didn't want to say it, she could tell, but she'd really have rather known what was being said about her than live in some blissful ignorance."
"You were under Halbarad's protection when you disappeared. Some thought you had been killed and he didn't have the honor to admit it, others that you…well the two of you have been close these few years and being who you are-"
"I made it clear where you had gone, with Legolas and Gandalf corroborating it, but the questions had already been asked. It may take time to fully dispel them now that you've returned." Aragorn added.
"And Avril has been leading the charge, I'm sure."
Boromir nodded.
Josephine threw back the blankets and pushed herself up using the arms of her chair for support. Aragorn's hands fell into place on her arm and back to steady her. Ciril was already two steps ahead of her, bustling into the bedchamber and heading for the wardrobe.
"Well we'll see how he feels with my figurative boot up his ass then."
Aragorn kept pace with her and refused to let go of her, moving when she did while Boromir stood in the doorway. "Meleth, you are still not well, the lords can and will wait."
Josephine ignored his protests and slipped away behind her dressing screen as Ciril came over with an opulent gold gown and started helping her out of her shift.
"I didn't spend six months walking over half the map and getting my back fucking flayed open to come home and put up with that man's bullshit. He wants an appearance so he'll get one." She'd forgotten Boromir was there when she said it, and heard the two men speaking in hushed tones that she couldn't make out. The entire company had known about her injury and so did part of the Fellowship, in that moment she'd almost forgotten it was news to break.
Heavy gown hanging from her shoulders, bruises and bandages well within view, she avoided Boromir's eyes as she limped to her dressing table and sat down. She felt a pang of guilt for the tears in his eyes, wishing she'd broken it to him more gently, or even considered that at all before saying it, but she was hot under the collar and feeling more than a little unsteady. Maybe this wasn't the best idea, or maybe it was exactly what needed to happen.
Ciril brushed through her hair and pinned it up behind her head with the final touch of settling her crown securely in place. She always understood the assignment.
Aragorn took Ciril's place, wrapped his arm around her waist, and helped her to her feet. "I do not think this is wise."
"Neither do I." Boromir added from the doorway.
"Probably not, but I can manage for an hour and dismiss the council once Avril's balls have shrunk back down a few sizes."
Was standing up just about her least favorite thing at the moment? Yes. Was the look on Avril's face going to be worth it? Absolutely.
She grabbed something off her table as Aragorn held onto her all the way to the doors and he reluctantly switched to just offering his arm when their solitude was interrupted by the bustle of the citadel and the eyes of servants and guardsmen and scholars.
Josephine tucked her shoulders back and walked steadily, her core cinched up to hold her steady. Eyes followed them and the city was shining in the cold winter sun. The crisp air felt good in her lungs and the wind felt like home.
The council was only waiting on Boromir to call back into session and it looked like everyone had already gone back inside the meeting hall. Perfect.
"Wait here." She told the two of them and nodded to the door wardens.
Letting anger keep her upright, she squared herself and strode smoothly into the room and the eight men on either side of the long council table.
Surprised to see her in Boromir's place, they stumbled to their feet to bow and she nodded to each of them in kind, lingering on Avril just a second longer. She didn't sit, not yet. Standing by the empty head chair she looked down the table at them all. "In case there was a need to dispel any rumors of my untimely demise." She looked coldly at Avril, whose face was starting to look like someone trying to swallow a boiled egg whole. "Or other thoughts on my whereabouts."
With a crack that echoed through the room, she slammed what she'd taken from their chambers on the table. Aragorn's knife, still sitting in its sheath, clearly stained and soaked in black blood. She didn't wield it, or brandish it, she only left it there so they could see the dark blood and scores in the sheath. Evidence of battle, as if her own body and the bruises and scars they could see wasn't proof enough
No one spoke, least of all the man that had all but brought her there. So she picked the knife back up, handed it to the nearest guardsman, and sat.
"Now, I will answer what questions I can but there's a lot for me to catch up on here so if we could keep them brief?"
Few questions were, in fact, asked. They'd been given the explanation during her time away so that having her confirm that she'd been there was almost enough for them. The rest of the time was spent on the state of the city and everything she'd missed. It was well over an hour before she was able to call the council to a close and she was grateful that neither Aragorn nor Boromir had interrupted. Doing it alone gave her more weight, but now as the lords filed out, she could feel her own weight sinking into her chair.
She had to get up, there was no resting until she was back in their chambers. If she limped back or, god forbid, let anyone carry her, it would pick at the whole effect she'd meant to have when she entered that room.
When the doors opened again she was expecting Aragorn or Boromir, but a different voice met her that made her smile.
"I believe you frightened them."
Eowyn swept in with a smirk on her face, looking smugly down at her.
Josephine's heart swelled and she pushed to her feet to wrap her in a hug. "God, I missed you."
"It is good to see you again, my friend." She pulled back to take a look at Josephine and grimaced but held some humor in her tone. "I think you looked better after Helm's Deep than now. I do hope you made them pay for it."
"Tenfold." She promised.
"Good." She looped her arm around Josephine's waist and led her towards the door. "So I suppose we can move on to the good things that have happened since you've been gone? Honestly, I'm surprised Boromir has been able to keep so quiet, he's been absolutely ridiculous ever since he found out he is to be an uncle."
Boromir ridiculous, good things, yes, Josephine was ready to hear all about- wait.
She stopped and turned. "Sorry, did you just say he's going to be an uncle?"
Eowyn smiled and ran a hand down her stomach. "It's still early so I'm sure you wouldn't have noticed anything."
"Oh…Oh my god, Eowyn!" She hugged her again, her eyes burning with tears that for the first time in months, were actually happy.
They continued on and Eowyn laughed. "Boromir has been incorrigible, I haven't lifted so much as a book in his presence since we told him. So take this as a fair warning for when you come to be with child."
Oh he was going to be awful, she could see it now. "And Faramir? How's he doing?" The short walk to the doors was starting to get to her and she could tell she was getting winded.
"Faramir knows better."
As the doors opened they came face to face with Aragorn and Boromir, both of which held an awkward combination of smug pride and concern.
Boromir cleared his throat and nodded to both her and Eowyn. "Well played, your majesty. I believe you have made your point."
"Mic drop" Josephine raised her arm and mimed letting something fall onto the ground before remembering who her audience was. "Nevermind."
Aragorn hid his smile and shook his head, offering her his arm again. With his support, and Eowyn using their friendship as an excuse to hold onto her other side, they pretended to meander and enjoy the walk back to hide the slow pace she was managing.
Boromir and Eowyn left them when they went inside, and back in the private cloister of their chambers, Josephine sank into Aragorn. "I feel terrible."
Her head was pounding and her whole body felt like jello. Had she really pushed herself so far during the quest that this was the result? That she could be so injured and still ride, fight a dragon and still travel, and kill the pale orc despite it all, but the mere effort of a one hour seated council and short walk to a from her bed made her lightheaded.
Every sense was overwhelming, her skin ached and her eyes throbbed. She buried her face in his chest to try and block some of it out and find some rest. "I need to lie down." She told him as her head spun.
The effort of holding her own weight dissipated as he picked her up and she let herself go limp in his arms.
"I am here, hiril nin. I have you."
He set her on the edge of the bed, holding her steady with one hand while he pulled the combs from her hair and Ciril took the crown away. With the weight of the dress falling away, she took a breath and found it easier again. The soft touch of her shift slipped down over her and Aragorn eased her back into the pillows.
"I think you have done more than enough, this day. Sleep, Josephine."
His hand passed over her brow and she caught it before he pulled away. "Stay." A light tug told him to get in bed with her and he did it without hesitation.
Josephine turned away from the room, the bright windows, and the world. She folded her arms up against her and buried herself in his chest, right where she belonged.