A/N My dudes, I love my press on nails, but I have GOT to stop buying ones this long. Typing is a fucking BEAST.
But they're hella cute.
I would give an angst disclaimer but who am I kidding? We're trying to curb full on PTSD here, there's gonna be angst for a while. So big surprise, this chapters got some angst. But at least now that she's home, there's some happy stuff that can be mixed in too.
She was either getting better, or getting more antsy, or both. Aragorn wasn't quite sure which one of the three but he was leaning towards the latter. Her show at the council had done wonders for the citadel's morale, but he was worried about the toll it had taken on her. He'd seen her wounded and coming off the battlefield before, but something about this was much deeper. A hurt driven further into her heart than the others. Just like the journey from Dunland to Mordor had changed Josephine, so had her journey to Erebor and it seemed to have wounded her far worse.
Confusion seemed to come over her in the first moments of morning, a question of where, when, and if it was all real. She tried to hide it from him, tried to pretend she was recovering just fine and going back to their normal routines, but Aragorn knew better. There were details of the journey she hadn't gone into, moments where her throat closed up on her and she moved on quickly. He wasn't sure if she did it to protect him, or because she herself couldn't bear to speak it aloud.
As soon as she was on her feet again she was pressing him for normalcy. Off on their schedules for the day, wanting to return to her study and her plans for Ithilien. It was as if she thought that would help instead of time.
And perhaps, in a way it would, but her sudden shift to home from war worried him. He had seen others bear such a fierce change and been broken by it. Battle demanded time and did not fade as blood was washed away. She had been forced to it during the war by her injury at the gates and their time at Cormallen. Here, she'd had naught but a few days in the wilds before being handed the demands of her station.
He had voiced his concerns to her, but she had not listened. Duty bound her, so she pretended. Lord Avril's attitude towards the situation had put the anxiety in her that the city needed her presence immediately, whole again at least in their eyes.
Not for the first time, Aragorn begged for Halbarad to become her shadow. If she should falter, stumble, or grow too weary, he would see her taken care of when Aragorn could not. A thing had shifted in her in those six months she was gone, a stiffness in her spine that sometimes softened around him, but held rigid the second she thought she might need it. In the nights, she clung to him, fearful and small in his arms. As the sun rose she covered the lost look in her eyes with a firm gaze that fooled all but her closest friends.
His love was home again, but not fully whole.
"You seem pleased to return to your duties today." Aragorn prompted as he pressed his fork into the soft yolk of his egg at their breakfast table.
"I haven't drawn in months, it'll feel good to get something done." She replied distractedly, reaching for a cut of heavily buttered toast.
Pursing his lips he reached across the table and took her hand, dipping his chin to catch her eyes. "Our people need your strength, of that I do not contest. But please, meleth nin, I ask for no mask from you."
There it was again, the shift in her. Tears held back just before they could glisten in her eyes. A precipice she clung to as if the depths below would swallow her if she let go. It was within her day after day, hour after hour, it nearly broke his heart to see.
"If-" She covered the catch in her throat with a sip of tea. "If I don't move forward I'll be swallowed."
"Josephine…" He sighed, frowning with worry. "I am no stranger to darkness, do not think you are alone in bearing such things."
She froze under his gaze and he thought he had almost broken the delicate thing she held to so fiercely, when Ciril's footfalls made for the main doors.
"That will be Eowyn." Josephine said sharply, placing her napkin on the table and standing.
She walked around to him and brushed her hand through his hair, laying the gentlest of kisses on his lips and pausing before pulling away. "I love you." It was her promise, each time since her return it said more than it ever had before. He had doubts and worries of many things, but none of her love for him and his for her.
"And I you." He promised back, brushing the back of his hand softly over her cheek.
She slipped away gently, stiffening straight with each step and meeting Ciril at the doorway who helped her into her cloak. Eowyn caught his eye as she smiled at Josephine, reaching for her arm in companionship. He hoped Josephine would lean on Eowyn that day, agree to her prompts to move slowly and rest frequently.
As they left, he pushed away his plate and sat back, his appetite began clearing the table and poured him a fresh cup of tea that he knew was a silent command to drink. He had learned long ago to accept her quiet mothering, since she was usually correct on such things. That was also why he nodded as he reached for the cup as permission to speak her mind, in which she was also, usually correct.
"She will have to find her way, majesty. There will be days when the most we can offer is our support of her actions."
He sighed. "Even if it is too soon."
She smiled at him sympathetically. "If I may, despite the prevailing opinion, even men as good as yourself cannot heal all of the bruises on a woman's heart. Some she will have to soothe on her own."
Aragorn didn't know where Boromir had found Ciril when he called her to Cormallen to aid Josephine, but he was forever grateful for her care and wisdom.
"Thank you, Ciril."
"I should have known you would not last two weeks." Eowyn said as they walked through the citadel halls.
"Too much time with my own thoughts." Josephine replied, taking a deep breath of cold winter air. It even smelled like home. "I need a bit more normalcy."
"Yes, and when you push yourself too hard and wind up with Aragorn ushering you back to bed I'll be sure to tell you I told you so."
Josephine scoffed. "As if you're any better."
"Follow my advice, not my example." She laughed. "I'm honestly surprised the two of you have left your chambers at all."
"It's not like I've really been up for anything spicy lately." Josephine laughed. "Bruised ribs and a broken nose don't make for a good time in bed." That hadn't stopped them from trying at first, but she hadn't even been able to manage a make out session without breathing too sharply or knocking a bruise. They'd mutually agreed to hold out until she healed up a bit more.
Eowyn swung open the doors of the study and held it open for her. "Here we are, I did try to keep everything where it was, but if anything is misplaced we'll right it again."
The fire crackled in the hearth behind her desk and Josephine looked around. Her drafting table was neatly arranged, everything in its place just as she'd left it before going to Ithilien.
"I'm sure it's fine. I'm just grateful you took over what you could."
From the doorway, Halbarad appeared and cleared his throat to announce himself.
"Ah, I see I have a shadow today?" She said, feigning surprise, assuming he'd show up sooner or later.
"Just bored, mainly. Not much for an old ranger to do in a city this far into winter. Thought you might offer me some company."
"Uhuh." She smirked. "I'll need you to help me draft those repairs on Ithilien I was working on anyway. It's been a while and I'm pretty sure I've forgotten a lot of what we'd been talking about."
He moseyed in and poked at the fire while she looked around and almost cautiously took a seat in her old chair. It looked like Eowyn had done a better job keeping her desk organized than she did and scrolls and books were stacked neatly.
"I don't even know where to start." She admitted.
Eowyn didn't miss a beat, having likely already gone through things and decided how best to get her settled again. "I thought we might go over the last census before your journey, a refresher?"
Josephine nodded tensely and smiled gratefully at her. "A refresher would be great."
Josephine made it all the way to the midday meal. Her head was spinning with all the updates but the normalcy of city business was soothing. She'd needed that kind of morning, something on a smaller scale than war and timelines that was also a distraction from her own thoughts.
Aragorn had made a point to request she break for midday and meet him back in their chambers to eat. A check-in to put some of his worries to rest about her overworking herself, as if Halbarad and Eowyn would've let her.
He was waiting in the sitting room doorway when she came inside and smiled at her, hiding relief she knew he was feeling.
"How was your morning?" He asked, giving her a gentle kiss, being wary of her nose.
"Informative." Not quite the answer he was looking for so she amended, "It feels good to be back."
A true smile crossed Aragorn's face, not one tinged with worry like most of them had been lately. Josephine reveled in it. Then it deepened, bearing a little mischief and she cocked her head. "What did you do?"
"In all the commotion you seem to have forgotten." He took her by the hand and drew her into the sitting room.
He was right, she had forgotten. The battle had fallen at the end of November, which meant now, December had come calling. "What poor bastard did you send this year?" She asked as she smiled at the large evergreen in the corner and took note of Lord Elrond standing by the fire.
"Legolas offered. I believe he is attempting to make amends for his actions."
She chuckled. "I think realizing the look on his face at the Council in Rivendell was a big fat I told you so has done most of the work already but I appreciate his effort." It certainly explained why he'd looked at her like she'd had three heads.
"Lord Elrond has brought several gifts for you as well, though it is early." Aragorn added, looking at a rather large round topped wooden chest with a stack of fabrics and a very familiar oilskin next to it..
"Your things that were left behind when you departed Rivendell." He explained.
"I didn't leave enough for an entire chest." She said with confusion, noting that the stack of clothes had everything she'd worn in it already.
"You were not the only one to bid me the keeper of tokens." He looked to Aragorn. "Your mother bequeathed it to Josephine before she died."
"Gilraen sent it?" Her hands shook nervously as she looked at the chest. Her cloak had been all she thought she'd have of their time together, and it was enough for her, it had had to be. The thought that she'd get anything more brought a thick warmth to her heart that reminded her of the morning Gilraen had dressed her for travel.
She knelt in front of the chest and slowly raised the lid, finding it filled to the brim with fabrics. A piece of parchment lay, yellowing on top in smooth handwriting. Aragorn, seeing her already choking up, took the note and read it aloud.
"My far away daughter, you deserved such a gift before your wedding, but I fear time will not allow for such things. If I cannot be by both your sides that day, let this be my gift."
Josephine began gently picking up items and laying them in her lap. Handkerchiefs, shifts, and robes pooled over her knees with neat stitches and delicate embroidery and she realized what she'd been given.
"She made me a dowry." Her breath hitched and she brought her hand up to her mouth, as if it would contain anything.
Aragorn knelt beside her and ran his hand lightly over the contents of the chest, tears in his own eyes as he started to cry. "I remember…I often saw her making such things and would ask why, for she never used them. She would never tell me."
As if it had been done on purpose, the handkerchiefs were on top and Josephine pressed one to her eyes, but the swell in her chest wasn't done with her yet and a sob broke free. He reached for her and she sank gratefully into his chest.
Hours she'd spent on each thing, stitching her care into each over the years for someone she'd known for a handful of days. Josephine was so eternally grateful to have known her for even that long, and heartbroken more than she'd ever been before, that she wasn't there with them both now.