Basorexia

"Well, I'll be going now," she stood from the kotatsu table.

"Thanks again for the meal and the company," he grinned at her.

"Really, it's nothing. I prefer to spend my evenings with the people I care about. Oh, I didn't mean… never mind, I'll go now," she stood and walked towards the door.

"Ah, then. . . Hold on," he paced after her and took her hand into his. "Before you go, I've got to ask you a question."

"A question?"

"Well, more of an observation: you're fond of me, aren't you?"

She gasped, "Just like that? You're rather blunt and inquisitive."

"I am a detective after all: it's part of the job." She pulled away to escape."Don't go out that door."

"And what is it that you detected, detective?"

"Oh, just a blush here, a look there. The evidence was clearly on your face."

"And that's enough to convict?"

"I'll leave that to the courts. I'm just collecting evidence."

"Is that all? Nothing more? No action taken? No arrest? I promise I'll fight if you take me to court."

"Well, I could take action if you want—but only if you didn't cooperate."

"You really are a brute! Take me away! Oh, Hiromeshi!"

"Kazuko!"

"Boooooooo!"

The onscreen couple made out, and Adachi had to roll his eyes.

It was a rare day off, and there was nothing to do, so, with his rotting spare time, he decided to do more "research" into women's fantasies—which immediately turned into a bust. He started with some magazines, which he reluctantly spent money on and now sat safely in the garbage can after he tore through them. Then he turned to movies. Most of them were soppy, focused on unrealistic dynamics between a husk of a character and a fictional ideal of a man who was attractive and had a boatload of cash or a "heart" (whatever that meant). Adachi turned off the black-and-white movie. He realized a few things, though: women were hypocrites.

First, they wanted a guy, then they didn't. Then they strung him along with words and promises only to use him as a glorified shopping bag valet or their emotional baggage porter. Then, they liked it when a guy was forceful with them, commanding, but turned around and chastised them for it later. And it wasn't just in the movies—he'd seen these tactics in action in life.

And, of course, it was the same with Yua. What had once seemed like a clear-cut mission now dragged on for days. The visits after the first awkward one continued for a week or so. Yua would visit Adachi's apartment and have tea for maybe an hour after meeting with her friends or before going to an odd job. They were short, chaste meetings where they rambled on about the monotony of the day and her friends. And it was driving Adachi absolutely insane.

He had tried everything, every smooth move, every hint. Yua picked up on none of his advances. It all flew right over her head. He'd tried to undercut her dimness by touching her hand or arm, but even accidental touches sent her out of the room. He had even started to pick up on the more subtle expressions and could tell when she was getting flustered. As much as he relished the idea that he was making this girl so excited she had to leave the room, it left him back at square one. He never stopped her from going, fearing that would be too forward and result in rash action.

After enduring the pain and agony of patience, Adachi came to the only natural conclusion: this girl had rocks for brains. Did he have to start stripping to get the message through her thick skull? Even then, she'd probably pass it off as some impromptu dance. He didn't think she was messing with him, but he thought it was absolutely asinine that the girl pinning over him was so apt at missing cues.

Eventually, after stewing in his apartment and flipping through other garbage girl media, he thought about the possibility that she was a very traditional girl. She might be waiting for him to make the first move. While his initial strategy focused on making her come to him, it might not be possible with her thickheadedness. He might have to make a clear advance to ensure that this didn't continue on the road to nowhere for the next few months. He realized that setting bait wasn't enough if there wasn't a trap lying in wait.

But, what kind of trap? It certainly could not involve something aggressive, and hitting the ball back into her court was not an option. So, maybe a hybrid of the two, something that would seem natural. Perhaps she just needed a little push. Just push the right buttons. Get her to say it by gently forcing her hand, like an anaconda squeezing its prey.

With newfound expediency, he reached for his phone.

Nanako's hand flew from one marker to the next. Red, now pink, now green, and yellow. She moved as a master of the craft of coloring—drawing in the lines and creating contrast with vibrant colors. A stroke here, a dot there, leaving no white spots behind. She submitted it to her father for critique, and she received a pat on the head—ten out of ten in her book, but maybe not enough. It had to be perfect. It just had to be for—

The door clicked.

"You're back!" Nanako beamed as her big sis came in through the door and took off her shoes. Nanako strategically waited until she had put down her things and was free from her school bag. "I made you this!"

The piece of paper was presented to her like a crown.

Yua took it and flipped it over, "Nanako, this is amazing!" Yua's eyes glistened with pride. The flower was very bright and colorful—every petal with a different color, and there was glitter on the edges.

"She's spent a couple of hours on it," Dojima nodded from his place at the table as he read the day's paper.

Nanako beamed with delight.

"Maybe you can show me how you did it!" Yua added. "My drawing skills are pretty bad."

"I can do it right now!"

Nanako went to fetch another piece of paper to show her pupil how it was done. Yua sat next to her, and they both started to draw and chat. Nanako loved spending time with Yua like this. But then, Yua's phone chimed. Nanako looked back, a little confused. Yua always had personalized ring tones for her friends, but she'd never heard that one before. Yua picked it up quickly and flipped it open; there was a glimmer in her eyes, and a smile (one bigger than when she was looking at the drawing, Nanako noted) touched her lips.

She rose from the table, "I'm going to head out for the evening; I should be back soon." With that, she was already over to the front door and slipping on her shoes, "Dinner's in the fridge; just heat it up on the stove."

"You didn't have to do that," Dojima muttered. "I'd just order something."

"It was not a problem; I had some time this morning to make it."

"Where are you going?" The girl tilted her head to the side, a pout slowly forming the farther Yua got from her.

"Yeah, I thought your tutoring job was tomorrow," Dojima looked up from his paper.

Yua shuffled at the door, "I'm going to meet up with a friend. I'll be back in a couple of hours."

"Which friend?"

"Rise," Yua answered after a moment. "She wanted to show me how she works in her grandma's shop—she couldn't show me until it was close to closing time."

Dojima scrutinized Yua before looking back down at the paper, "Have fun then."

"Bye," Nanako couldn't hide the frown on her face.

Yua closed the door behind her, only to open it again and pop her head in, "I'll come play with you after dinner!"

"Yay!" Nanako cheered, and Yua disappeared.

Clinging to the idea that Yua would be back soon, Nanako went back to work to make another present for her big sis.

"Nanako," the girl looked up from her drawing and met her father's gaze. "You wouldn't know if there's something different going on with Yua, right?"

"Different?" Nanako cocked her head to the side.

"She's been out a lot in the evenings this past week, right?"

"Right…" Nanako muttered miserably. Yua had been out so often that it cut into her personal time with Nanako.

"Have you… seen her with someone?"

"With someone?"

"A boy, maybe? Maybe even one of her friends?"

"Umm… isn't that all the time?"

"You're right… Not like…" He sighed, stumped for words to explain.

The young girl's face screwed up into a pout, "You're not bullying big sis again, are you?"

"It's not bullying!" Her father defended. "It's just… never mind. She'll tell me when she's ready." He flipped open his paper again and stuck his head in it.

Nanako kept thinking about it. Another person? A boy? Maybe a new friend? (She wouldn't replace Nanako with a little boy, would she?) Then she remembered the mysterious new ringtone and paused, tapping the marker to her chin and leaving stains. Who could this person be?

She suddenly remembered an episode of Loveline (season 2, episode 19, "Bullies have Five Bars!"). The episode had a middle school student who would receive mysterious phone messages and would disappear a short time after; it was revealed that bullies were calling him out to the playground so that they could steal his pocket change and threaten his pet toad. Nanako frowned as she thought about that possibility. Bullies were so mean; she couldn't let that happen to her big sis!

But Nanako thought a bit more about how Yua had acted. Yua smiled when she saw the text. She wouldn't be smiling if she had been bullied. No, her big sis seemed happy about something. As the anxiety left Nanako, curiosity grew. What would make Yua so thrilled? She propped her head on the table in frustration—letting the marker slide up her cheek.

Maybe she could ask Yua, but Yua changed the subject sometimes when there were big kid topics. So, maybe she could find out on her own.

"Nanako! You're getting ink on your face!"

Yua was happy to retreat into Adachi's home at his invitation. She didn't have time to bring him anything to eat, but she offered to make the tea this time (Adachi admittedly was bad at keeping the leaves out of the tea). No matter how many times she saw him, the crush would return in full force.

She distracted herself by readying the kettle, "How was work yesterday?"

"Eh, same old, same old," Adachi stretched his legs out on the floor and laid back against the kotatsu table. "Got a 'stolen' handbag on the edge of town—I say she lost it though; no running down criminals or tackling Risette fanboys for me."

She offered a smile, "Maybe, but I bet that lady was glad that you were there. You probably gave her a chance to calm down and vent her worries."

Whenever Adachi started to talk about how dull his day was or looked a bit down, Yua tried to provide him some comfort in the fact that he had helped someone. She wanted to show him that he was meeting people and connecting to others in a meaningful way. It was to stave off that saddened look in his eye, and it often seemed to work. Today, it didn't do much.

"I guess. But other than that, it was pret-ty boring. It's usually boring—I don't really know the point of updating you. But," The detective's eyes flashed over to her, and he pulled himself up from the table. A new curiosity colored his features. "Y'know, we've been going on and on about your friends and me for these past couple of visits, but I haven't really learned all that much about you."

"Oh, well," Yua grumbled. "I don't know; I'm not all that interesting." Aside from the investigation, that is, she thought. "I like hanging out with my friends a lot. They're more interesting than me, honestly."

"Oh, come on. I'm sure that's not true," Adachi now sat at full attention. "You came from the city, right? So did I."

Yua felt her face flush a little as their eyes met. She shuffled over to the table and sat, "Yeah, I've moved around a lot. My parents' jobs force them to relocate every so often. I've lived in one city after another, so I can't safely say I have a hometown."

"Get to see a lot of places," Adachi mused.

"Yeah, and a lot of schools. I don't think I've ever not been a transfer student. I think the longest I stayed in a single school was for a year or two back in grade school. After that. . . not very long…"

"I can imagine it was rough always being the new kid."

"It can be. I never really was a target for bullying. I kept my head low, didn't bother anyone, and they didn't bother me. I wasn't really popular either, I guess. Once the new kid mystique wears off, you're just another student. The people who wanted to be your friends start to fade away, and those you talked to suddenly lose interest once they've figured you out."

Yua felt her chest twist. She was honestly feeling a bit exposed at the moment. She was used to helping others process their feelings; she wasn't comfortable with the opposite—especially expressing something she thought she had mostly beaten. It was embarrassing to lay this out in front of Adachi, and she really wanted to move on from the topic. However, his kind, understanding expression allowed her to push forward. The strength of his bond reassured her. He would understand.

"Sometimes, you just don't want to connect to anyone. You start pushing people away because you know it will hurt when you leave. It still doesn't dull the pain and just makes a new one. You end up going to school, paying your dues, doing your homework, and going home to sleep—nothing else. You feel like you're just floating through life, through friends, through cities, never actually touching the ground to experience anything. I barely knew the layout of the last city I lived in other than my street and the way to school."

"But, you had someone through those tough times, your parents, right?" His expression softened even more.

"My—my parents aren't really around a lot," she hid her emotions with a bitter half-smile. "If they're not overseas working, they're working in an office or at home. I don't have any siblings; my parents thought the lifestyle was too much to handle with more than one kid."

"Sounds lonely. No one should have to go through that."

It was at that moment that Yua remembered her solitude during those years. It was why she decided that she would leave everyone alone when she first came to live with her uncle and Nanako. Sure, Chie and Yukiko were very friendly and had chatted with her, and Yosuke had flirted with her before crashing face-first into a pile of garbage, but she figured that they would vanish within a week and forget about her. Then, the murders happened, they entered the TV, and Yukiko disappeared. Suddenly, she was needed; she was important to them, involved.

So, she clung to the Investigation Team idea; she tried to hold their interest for more than a couple of days. She had still felt that distance, that sense of impermanence, the idea that they could have become bored of her or the investigation. Her fears persisted until she was walking with Yosuke, and he stopped and held out his hand to ask her to be his partner—his friend. An arcana flashed before her eyes, and a social link was formed. For the first time, she felt something tangible.

To Yua, those social links provided comfort, the idea that these bonds were eternal. It also proved that she wasn't defective; she could have friendships and meaningful relationships. It gave her goals to achieve and a reason to seek people out, make new connections, and create strong bonds to tether her to the world. She even found herself looking out for new people to meet, even without a social link in mind. Even now, she was only sitting across from Adachi because she followed the tie that materialized so suddenly between them.

Yua smiled more genuinely now, "I'm getting better, though." She looked over to see him looking concerned. Stupid! She shouldn't be making him worried when he needed the comforting. "I'm glad they sent me out here, though. Now I have Uncle Dojima and Nanako. I have great friends, and we go on little adventures every day. They've really taught me a lot about connecting with others. This town is full of wonderful people. And…" she stumbled a bit. "And, I met you."

"Me?" Adachi looked amused. "What could possibly warrant my name on the credit role of Yua Narukami's life?"

"Well, you're very kind. You're very patient with my uncle and keep him company; I know he's hard to deal with sometimes. Nanako likes you even though she's a bit shy to admit it. I like all the texts you send me… I like hanging out with you as well. Being around you makes me really happy—to be your friend."

"Come on, I can't be all of those things," Adachi put his hand on his neck. "I bet Dojima's griped about me one time or another. I'm 'lazy' and 'sloppy' and 'useless,' and everyone in this town knows it."

Yua's heart twisted into a knot hearing him say these things about himself, "No, no! You're just new to the job. You know how my uncle is: he's a little rough around the edges, but he likes your company. And, no one sees you as those things. Think about the lady you helped earlier. I bet helping her really made her day better!"

"You really don't have to say that," He chuckled sadly. "I know it's a lie. I didn't want to tell you earlier. The lady filed a complaint with the department—said I was using 'city slang' and wasn't taking the issue seriously. Then, I got ragged on by Dojima and a lecture in public relations—my lunch hour got cut in half. I've got to work overtime tomorrow on filing too."

Yua struggled to find the words to help. She felt like she had pinned down a part of what was bothering him. She remembered the day he pretended to be sick—it finally made sense. If he was in a harsh and stressful work environment, he would do anything to escape it for a day or two. The slap as well must have come from stress. His lack of friends and self-care was another product of it. Every negative thing about him revealed a man dealing with something that she had battled before: isolation. Because of his move to this small town, he had no one to turn to when things got rough.

He said it best, "No one should have to go through that."

She finally managed a, "I'm sorry that happened."

"It's just, somedays I wonder why I even try," Adachi sighed, that dark depressive look entering his eyes again. "I'm just a screwup. I make mistakes all the time. It's happened ever since I got to this town, and it doesn't seem to be getting any better."

"Stop it!" Yua surprised herself with how urgent her voice sounded. She needed to stop him from beating himself up. He looked at her, and she felt a surge of energy. "You can't focus on the negative. You're trying to do better, and that's what counts. I know you; you're a good person. You're funny, gentle, and thoughtful. So don't say bad things about yourself; those are the things that I adore about you."

The kettle whistled.

That was the only sound that pierced the air. Yua was as red as a cherry; Adachi looked on in bewilderment. She couldn't meet his eyes as a new suspicious look took over.

"I'll get that," she stood suddenly and walked over to the stove.

Yua entered damage-control mode as she fumbled with the boiling kettle. "Adore!" Why not "admire" or "like?" Why did she have to say that? But what could she say now? "Oh, I didn't mean it?" She would just hurt him. Maybe she should explain precisely what she meant. Though she would imply that she realized that he might take it the wrong way, meaning that she was saying something probably romantic. No, she should just go home, come up with an excuse, and sort it out later.

"Adachi-san—"

When she turned, she found herself face to chin with him. She stopped in shock. He was so close.

"I—I should go; I'm speaking without thinking. Sorry," Yua bobbed her head and turned around to leave.

"Wait," a hand grabbed her shoulder and guided her around. She met with Adachi again. He seemed a little concerned as she worked to avoid eye contact. "Is something wrong? Are you alright?"

"Fine. Fine!" She said quickly. "I've just got to go. I totally forgot about something that I need to get for Nanako—"

"You're lying."

Yua jumped.

Adachi screwed up his face for a moment and then looked sideways. He pulled his hand back. "You know, I've detected—well, you know; it's my job to tell when people aren't telling the truth. You mentioned that I was hiding something before, and well… I think you're hiding something too. This isn't just about friendship, is it."

Yua remained silent; her eyes drifted down to the floor.

She tried again, "I promise. There's nothing to it. I'm just—" she glanced at him and lost all conviction. He took on a stern expression—looking like a disappointed adult.

"Come on, Yua," he sighed. "Are you going to make me say it?"

She looked down again, shame burning in her cheeks.

He rubbed the back of his head, "You like me romantically, that is, don't you."

A horrible sting of embarrassment shot through her chest. The awkward words hung in the air for several moments. His eyes searched her face for an answer, but she couldn't vocalize her feelings.

She inclined her head into a curt nod.

Adachi's face fell into a look of disconcerted surprise. She knew it was coming, the adult send-off, the "oh, maybe we shouldn't see each other anymore," the responsible choice. Honestly, she deserved it. She allowed herself to have feelings for a man almost twice her age. It just wasn't right. She shouldn't have let her fantasy get this far; she should have cut it at the roots. There was no future where what she wanted was possible, but she knew that already. Now, it was in the open and just embarrassing for both of them. It needed to be stopped. That revelation didn't stop the pain.

"I'm sorry."

"Hey, hey, don't do that," Adachi muttered and pulled her chin up with a finger. She felt even more ashamed by the slight flutter in her chest at the touch.

"I'm so sorry," she mumbled and pulled back away to stop the feeling. "I want to be your friend. But, this has just ruined everything. If you don't want to see me again, I'll just stay away and. . ."

"Not see you again? I wouldn't want that… I'd like to see more of you," a hand suddenly reached out to her shoulder and pulled her closer to him. She jumped in shock at the sudden movement and met his gaze. "You see, I like you too." His other hand came up and brushed the hair out of her face. "A lot, actually."

Yua stood stunned. He what? Her mind raced to make sure she was hearing him right. She wasn't dreaming, was she? She half expected the Velvet room to appear next. What a cruel dream. She found herself leaning away from him but wasn't allowed that for long.

Reality came back when his head dipped down. He was so close. Her mind was a blur as he drew closer. Was this happening? This had to be a dream. She pulled back for a moment, confusion filling her mind but suppressed by a new intense feeling. Her mind was still lagging several seconds behind, stuck in embarrassment. She felt the need to leave, collect herself. She made the mistake of looking at him. The way he looked at her—with kindness and gentleness—she hadn't seen him look at anything like that before. She had wanted him to look at her like that but never thought it would come true. She exhaled as a brilliant red spread over her features. Then, he leaned in again. She surprised him by meeting him halfway. Her heart skipped a beat, and then their lips met.

It felt awkward at first and a bit unsure. Their noses bumped for a second, but his kiss was gentle. A thousand questions ran through her head all at once. Yua pushed them all aside. He demanded her attention. It was as if nothing else existed at that moment. Yua steadied herself with a hand on Adachi's chest as reason left her, and she allowed herself to be pulled into the kiss. She didn't resist. She didn't want to. She felt Adachi's hand as it moved to cradle the back of her neck; the other found its way into her hair. Her cheeks flushed impossibly further with heat, and she felt electricity course through her. Yua had resigned herself to be content with a fantasy only a moment ago. With her hand still pressed to Adachi's chest, she could feel his heart beating. No fantasy could ever compare with this.

She was only brought back from her lightheaded state when she felt Adachi's hands begin to wander lower. Through the haze, she had some clear thoughts. She quickly broke away from the kiss as the consequences flooded her mind.

"Wait, stop," She struggled to push Adachi away, but she was eventually able to get some distance—her lips still tingling from the kiss and her mind in a haze of emotion.

"What's wrong?" Adachi followed her, trying to close the distance again.

"This is," Yua placed her hands against his shoulders. "I—we shouldn't be doing this." For a moment, she was afraid that he was upset with her. His shoulders tensed, and he seemed on edge. The moment passed, and he smiled sweetly.

"I don't see anything wrong with what we're doing, as long we both want it," He paused. "You do want this, right?"

Yua's hands fell from his shoulders, and she looked away. She wanted this; she'd wanted this for a while. Part of that came from her never thinking it a possibility—like wishing to be a millionaire. Now that it was in her grasp, she didn't know what to do. There was so much that could go wrong.

"Yes, but if someone finds out…"

"Nobody has to know."

"I know, but-"

"Yua," Adachi's fingers gently lifted her chin, guiding her to look at him, "nobody will find out. This can just be between us, okay?"

Yua nodded hesitantly, "Okay."

"Good." Adachi grinned and pulled her in again, but Yua pushed him away gently.

"Um," He looked at her again with confusion, "I promised I'd only be out for a bit. I really should be heading home before my uncle starts to worry."

He looked as surprised as Yua felt conflicted. She wanted to stay, but she felt like she would make a mistake with how many emotions were coursing through her.

Yua turned to the door; Adachi caught her wrist, turning her to face him for the second time that evening. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he hesitated. Yua felt terrible about leaving so suddenly after he had just gambled everything on telling her his feelings. The way he hovered over her now reminded Yua of that day she had first entered his apartment. That was the day she had first acknowledged her feelings towards him, and now, here he was returning those feelings.

"Thank you." Yua couldn't help but whisper the words as she wrapped her arms around Adachi in a fleeting embrace. "I wouldn't have been able to admit my feelings. You're very special to me."

"Of course," Adachi rested his hands on her arms and ran his hands comfortingly up and down the skin there. "Are you sure you don't want to stay a little longer?"

"I wish I could, but I really do have to go."

"If you say so." Adachi ran his thumb up and down on her arm, let go of her arms, and walked Yua to the door. "Remember, this will be our secret." He smiled reassuringly and reached to open the door for her. Yua shuffled out and returned a smile of her own.

"Goodnight, Adachi-san."

"Tohru," he nodded.

She rocked back on her heels, and a bashful smile crossed her lips, "Tohru."

Yua felt her cheeks burning the entire way home.

"That was too easy," Adachi smirked as he retreated back into the room.

Yua was wrapped around his finger. The thought was so amusing! He still felt his blood pumping; he couldn't help but find it exhilarating. This girl seemed to be giving him everything he had been missing. She had just fallen right in line when he had made an advance. She was so small; he'd never thought about it. In actuality, she was almost the same height as him, freakishly tall for a girl, but she had felt so fragile, so tiny in his grasp—a porcelain doll. She was a woman, after all. But, this wasn't like Yamano or Saki. He didn't see the fear in her eyes, and he didn't get the same rush from being in control, able to end their lives. This was a totally different kind of control: the control of her heart. And he had total command.

Even if she pulled away. . .

Adachi felt bitterness build up. For a moment, just a moment, he had half a mind to smack her. He believed the worst—she was just toying with him and planning to leave. It came over him like the passing shadow of a cloud, but the sun broke through a mere second later. The embrace showed that he was still in control. So, he allowed her to leave.

It was a game, and if he made his move before all the pieces were set, he wouldn't be able to win. He'd have to take equal parts victory and defeat. This time was a draw—but he'd temper his patience and move from there. After all, he couldn't fault her for being a bit of a prude. Perhaps she was just innocent—though it was unlikely.

Adachi decided to spend the rest of the night thinking about the next steps.