Chapter 7:
Previously:
"Well then next month I will be 154 years old," she said calmly.
"How?! No huma-are you a demon?" Miroku said quickly, stumbling over his words. He stared at her in shock, opening and closing his mouth as his thoughts spiraled.
"I'm neither human nor demon, I'm something else. After they experimented on me I was just… like this. I don't know how but I am" she replied plainly, gesturing to herself.
They all stared at her with wide eyes and that's when they asked their questions, sadly it was all at the same time.
Kagome-"Is that how you got those scars?"
Miroku-"What is a General?"
Songo-"what did you do as a soldier?!"
Inuyasha-"Are you okay?"
Kaede was the only one to remain silent, steady watching her with her one eye.
Rin held up her left hand, "Yes some of these scars are from that. A General overseas soldiers, and as a soldier I took all orders from a General."
Rin looked at Inuyasha fondly, "No I'm not okay but in time I will be."
Inuyasha nodded, "Does Sesshomaru know everything that you are leaving out?"
Rin nodded.
Kaede looked at her evenly, "Why can he know and not us?"
"Because he is my Lord." she stated calmly.
Kagome interjected in a hurt voice, "Do you not trust us Rin?"
Rin's face softened, "Yes I trust you but I don't want to keep reliving these memories and it's terribly sad. Please understand that. I told Sesshomaru because he was what kept me going through all of this. I wanted him alone to know, but no one else. Please respect that Kagome."
Kagome nodded and wiped away a few stray tears from her eyes. As Rin spoke to her the hurt in her eyes eased up in understanding, but she was still hurt.
Rin looked at the ground once as silence fell on the group until Songo spoke, "Why won't you tell us what you did as a soldier or a General? Was it that bad?"
Tilting her head back up she locked eyes with Songo, "I did horrible things to many. I did it to survive but that doesn't erase what I've done. It is a reason not an excuse."
Songo nodded, "But do you regret it?"
Rin had pondered on this very topic for a long time, wondering if the ends justify the means.
"Regret? No. If put in the same situation I would've done it over again if it meant I could find a way out. I would've done worse if I knew I'd get out sooner but no I do not regret. There is no point, what's done is done."
After that conversation the topic turned to something brighter and they mostly laughed as if she'd always been there. However, Rin had a trained eye. It did not escape her that Inuyasha lazily kept his hand on the hilt of his sword. Nor did the laughter hide the wary gaze all but Kagome gave her.
Many began to retire as the night went on, all but Kaede.
Rin ignored the look of judgment she threw her way, Kaede meant well but she always watched. That's where Rin learned the art of observation, it was a habit picked up by the older woman.
Kaede once told Rin that information is power, after everything Rin held that notion close to of the only things Kaede ever taught that was put to use.
"What is it Kaede." Rin stated as she threw a few sticks into the fading fire.
"Do you ever wonder what would've happened if you'd have just listened to me and married Kinta, who I promised your hand to all those years ago? Do you think this could've been avoided?"
Rin bristled at the comment, "Do you ever wonder if you didn't propose to me to a man I didn't know that this could've been avoided? I didn't come back here to restart an argument we had years ago or to play 'What if' games with you."
Kaede then asked, "Are you ashamed of these horrible things you had to do? Is this why you withheld that part of your tale"
"I was for a long time but not anymore. If it wasn't me it would've been someone else."
Kaede stood, "It feels as if I'm speaking to someone much older."
"You are." replied Rin
Kaede signed, "Whatever happened to that sweet little girl who used to make flower crowns in the summers?"
Rin stared into the fire aimlessly, "She grew up."
Kaede turned and left mumbling a low, "I miss you."
When Kaede was long gone Rin turned her head over her left shoulder, "If you're not resting my Lord would you care to join me?"
Silence was all that greeted her but soon enough a green light appeared next to her and there he was. In all his glory sitting casually on the log next to her.
"Are you not tired Rin?" he asked with a small head tilt.
Rin scoffed, "I do not tire as humans do."
"Hn." said Sesshomaru, "Your relationship with the priestess seems strained."
"I believe it always was. What I want for myself is the opposite of what she wants for me." Rin responded.
"What is it that you seek then," he asked.
"Peace my Lord." she uttered.
"There are different versions of peace," he said, looking up at the stars.
"I want peace with myself." she replied.
Sesshomaru's lips tilted slightly, "That can be arranged."
Rin giggled, "Oh? Is it so easy?"
Sesshomaru leaned closer to her as if he was whispering a secret, "Sometimes yes."
Rin scoffed at his antics, it wasn't often the Lord of the West acted as such. Even as a child Rin knew his sense of humor was dry but it made her night to sit so at ease with him. Rin always remained on guard but with him she didn't have too.
"You know why I told you everything and no one else?" she asked him.
Sesshomaru looked thoughtful, "Because I'm your secret keeper."
She didn't know if he had remembered that. It felt so very long ago when she used to stare at the stars and whisper her secrets. Months after she started doing that, she realized with a shock that her Lord never slept on guard and he heard all of her secrets. Rin felt touched that he remembered her little nickname for him.
Rin smiled at him brightly, "Close. I told you everything because no matter what, you've always seen me as me. I can be myself with you and that to me is sacred."
"Do you feel like you can't trust them?" he echoed Kagome's previous question.
"With my life? Yes. With everything? No. I don't trust anyone except you these days. I know they love me dearly but I am not blind. They are wary of me, Lord Sesshomaru and I understand why. I'm a stranger to them in a way." she said.
"Does that upset you?"
Rin leaned back, "No because they are exactly how I remember them. The only one different my Lord, is you."
"How so"
The woman stared at his eyes and then looked down at his form before going back to his eyes, "There's an edge to you my Lord, a sharp one. I'm uncertain if it was always there or something new."
Sesshomaru scoffed at her assessment, "It's always been there, does it unnerve you."
Rin laughed, "No, I like edges."
"Hn."