Free will
Lily and Hippolyta returned to the others.
Sev whispered in the girl's ear, "I have already chosen the first victim, Hippolyta."
"Who who?"
"Cecile. You missed it, she's told me before how handsome I am."
"I knew it…"
"But I haven't looked at her like that yet, huh?" he lied. "I've been waiting for you."
"Well, come on."
Sev looked at Cecile the way Hippolyta liked.
Cecile also looked at him defiantly and said insinuatingly, "Sev, join me for a beer."
"Your desire, pretty!" Hippolyta snapped. "Go alone! You're already a grown-up!"
Everyone burst into laughter.
Lily thought, What a comedy they've put together... let's see if they continue…
"Hey," Cecile said to Hippolyta, cockily. "We've been friends for a long time, huh? I can chat privately with him for a while if I feel like it."
"If he feels like it!" answered the girl. "What you thought? He hasn't said anything to you!"
They laughed a lot again.
Indeed she is going to protect him from anyone who approaches him, they have already talked about it among themselves, Lily thought. They are rehearsing it.
"Come on, Cecile, I'll accompany you," said Sev. "Are you coming, Hippolyta?"
"Indeed I'm coming, I don't leave you alone with that slut."
They laughed a lot again.
Sev, Hippolyta and Cecile left to get beer. Cecile gave the girl a hug and a kiss. "How well you do it, honey," she told her.
"It was all comedy, Hippolyta," Sev told her.
"I'm not stupid, Prince, I've already realized it, otherwise Cecile wouldn't have laughed," she replied.
"Cecile is the one who is teaching me how to play the piano, and she is also Remus' girlfriend, my best friend."
"You don't need to explain it to me, Prince."
"I'm telling you this because one day the three of us will make music together. Do you know that Hippolyta sings like angels, Cecile?"
"What are you saying?" Cecile asked, amazed.
"What you are hearing. Sing something, Hippolyta."
"I only know how to sing one thing, Prince," said the girl.
The counterspell of Sectumsempra. "Well, sing it."
Hippolyta sang it, as she did the last time, an octave higher.
"Wooow..." said Cecile, very admired. "You sing very well and have a beautiful voice."
"You've already heard it, Hippolyta, and Cecile knows what she's talking about, huh? She has been playing the piano since she was four years old."
"Wow..." said the girl.
Cecile bonded with Sev and told him, "A Singing Classroom must also be requested in the Room of Requirement, so that scores for piano and voice appear. I'll take care of it and take a trunk full of sheet music to practice this summer. We will teach her solfeo."
"Wonderful, Cecile," said Sev.
Cecile unbonded, they stocked up on beer. Hippolyta wanted one more despite not having yet finished the remaining one in her Cup.
"Hippolyta, we'll come back for more when you finish it, this is your third one," Sev told her.
"I'll finish it right now, you'll see." She drank what was left in one gulp. "I want to try one of yours."
"No way!" Sev exclaimed, irritated.
Cecile left. So as not to witness what's going to happen.
"Why, Prince?"
"Because you drink too much and too fast, you would get drunk."
"Come on... I'll drink it slowly..." she pleaded.
"No, Hippolyta," blunt, and patient. "Really, don't put me in that predicament, come on, we were having a good time. We have already saved the butterbeers for you. If you finish them I'll let you drink a black one."
"Ugh... Prince... I let you do whatever you want…"
"Well, I don't want you to let me do whatever I want, you know what I mean, and I will listen to you when you give me advice."
"You got drunk at the last party," recriminatory.
"And you don't know how much I regret it," he admitted, vehement. "I'm not going to get drunk again in my life." And threateningly, "Do you want me to tell you something else about myself that I haven't told you, something really unpleasant, that's going to make your party bitter?"
"Nothing you tell me would make me bitter," very sure of herself.
"Well, it would make me bitter to tell you right now. Since it wouln't you, I'm going to blurt it out to you, so that you can reflect on the subject. My father beat me because he got drunk, since I was two years old."
"Booahh…"
"Do you still want to get drunk?" Sev asked.
"No, Prince."
"Then let's go with the others, I really want you to spend a while with my Gryff friends," returning to his normal tone.
They returned without speaking. Boof… Indeed I'm in a mess. I love her with all my being, I would be with her for life, she is extraordinary in many ways, but also very problematic. She's giving me a lot of headaches, about the food, what Sirius told me this morning, that I still have to talk to her about it, and now the drink. I don't win for troubles with her. She makes me extremely happy but also very unhappy.
And who knows what she talked about with Lily. I'm going to let the others chat and bond with her to tell me, because otherwise I'm going to have to read Hippolyta and I don't feel like it at all if I can find out some other way. Everything must be resolved before we go home, preferably tomorrow morning as soon as we wake up, otherwise I'm going to have a terrible time for the three days ahead.
They arrived where the others were, Sev handed out the beers he was carrying and bonded with Lily. "Lily, can you tell me what you talked about with Hippolyta?"
"She's going to tell you, Sev."
"Lily, tell me, please. Otherwise I'm going to have to read her."
"Don't do it, Sev, not in that aspect. Trust me, she will tell you."
"Ugh, Lily… I don't trust her one bit, you have no idea about the things Sirius got out of her on Tuesday."
"I haven't had to get anything out of her, that's not the issue, it wasn't about anything dangerous or that would affect her health. Let her be the one to tell it to you in her own way."
"I can't stay calm, Lily."
"Well, try to forget for a while, go ahead and enjoy, today was supposed to be the day you were going to enjoy."
"Well, I just want to go home as soon as possible. I just told her about my father because she wanted to get drunk."
"Booff…" she snorted.
"So you see, if I didn't already have enough, one more cross. I'm going to have to keep an eye on her now too."
He unbonded from Lily. On top of that, Lily doesn't help me at all, if it's true that it's not worrying, she could at least tell me what the issue is about so I don't get overwhelmed. I'm so fed up with everything, I'm about to leave and send everything out into the fresh air. I already know what I'm going to do, I'm going to the Astronomy Tower for a while, to relax without worrying about anything, to be alone. It's my turn to be selfish for a while. He left without saying goodbye, quickly.
Lily thought, Ugh… I've already screwed it up again… how bad I do everything.
Remus and Sirius ran to catch up with him, catching him on the stairs. "Hey, Sev!" Lupin called. "Wait!"
Sev stopped and turned around. "Leave me alone, I really need to be alone, it will pass in a while."
"But you've left Hippolyta alone with us," Sirius told him.
"Fuck Hippolyta too, she just upset me. I only ask you a favor, keep an eye on her so that she doesn't drink anything other than butterbeers, she already knows where they are hidden. And if you get tired of doing it, look for Deborah and she will take care of her."
"Okay, Sev."
He just left. It's twilight, what a shame, it would have been nice to see it with my girls, I would have brought them with me but they don't deserve it, they have stopped worrying about me and taking care of me. How was Hippolyta going to watch over me if she got drunk? The truth is that I could have given her that reason and not the other one that made me get in such a bad mood, but I can't help but relate drinking to that issue, it's visceral, I've suffered from it for fourteen years of my life. I will never get over it.
And furthermore, from my own experience at the last party and from what Deborah has told me, I must take more care of myself than others in that regard, since not only have I had the bad example of my father, but the tendency to alcoholism and addictions are also something that is inherited, like eye color, hair color, height or physical features.
So I have a lot of chances to fall, and if I get used to drinking, the slightest chance I have a major trauma, I can easily become addicted. And with Hippolyta I'm already seeing that I can expect very serious traumas, and if she also has that tendency to drink, she can easily drag me down. Maybe it's not so convenient for me to be with her. Let's see how she behaves the rest of the night. If she doesn't behave, I won't sleep with her, let her get upset and learn the hard way, I'm making it all too easy for her.
And on another note, I'm not going to play along and provoke girls on purpose, at all. If any of them approachs me, fine, but I don't need her to get them off of myself either. I no longer have any qualms about offending them so they can leave me alone if necessary. If they like me bad enough, I'll be really bad. The advice she gave me in the afternoon was very good, to stop worrying about others and worry about myself. May I learn to take care of myself to the last consequences, first it is me and then others, if I am not well I can't do good to anyone.
My Rave essence, my free will, my freedom, I'm much better now. When I come back, I'll enjoy it. I no longer need them to accompany me to the bathroom nor am I going to watch Hippolyta nor do I need her to watch me, to do whatever she wants or to be watched by Deborah and Paul, I'm going to drink until I get that point and I'm going to have fun. I will come home whenever I feel like it, if she has behaved well and she wants to sleep with me, let her wait for me in my room, otherwise, I don't give a damn.
In fact, my discomfort about what I did this afternoon is also disappearing. I have not done harm to anyone, everything has been by mutual agreement, I even think that I have done a lot of good and it has all come out naturally, spontaneously, as I am. Boof… indeed I'm in a mess…
He arrived at the Astronomy Tower, enjoyed the twilight, trying not to think about anything. He waited until the first stars appeared.
Today dawned cloudy, it was cloudy in London too, and in the end it cleared up without rain. It hasn't rained for a long time, this year there will be a drought, a very hot summer. I'll go down first to the fifth floor to the bathroom, I no longer feel like fighting so much if someone sneaks in, in fact, I still don't feel like being with anyone, but I don't feel like going to bed either, I was supposed to enjoy today.
What I can do? Shall I go to the Room of Requirement to play the piano? I really want to and today I'm sure no one is there, everyone is at the party. Ugh... but I feel bad for the Gryffs... In the end I've barely been with them, with Lily or with James. Well, I'm not sorry for Lily at all, she hasn't been up to it when I've asked her and it hurts me a lot to see that her feelings for me are changing, she's failing me when I need her most. And I'm not sorry for James either, he asked for it. I feel more sorry for Cecile, Sirius and Remus. I can pick them up and suggest they come with me if they feel like it, but only them. That's what I'm going to do, decided. Now I am much better.
He went to the toilets and returned to the Rave house, the Gryffs were no longer where they were before or in the entire Common Room, where many couples were having fun in the corners. What a spectacle, without the kids having gone to bed yet. He pushed away the drunk girls who tried to touch him and ignored everyone who tried to talk to him.
They are on the terrace. I'm going there. There were also people on the stairs, he made his way without any consideration. I'm going to stop being good old Prince, so that they get used to not always having me at their disposal. Free, like my hawk.
The people on the terrace were calmer, they had also gone up to see the twilight. He found Lily, Sirius, Cecile, Remus, Deborah, Paul, Shelley, Ariel and Hippolyta all together. Well… now let's see how I tell just the three of them to come. Sirius must be very at ease with Lily, but they are already together every day, so I don't give a damn, I'll tell him anyway, let him choose. I'll tell him first.
"Hey, Sirius."
"Man, Sev!" Sirius greeted him. "You've missed the twilight."
"Not at all, I have seen it from the Astronomy Tower."
"You did well, my favorite place in the castle."
"Would you like to listen to me play the piano?" the Sly asked.
"Of course!"
"Well, you're invited. I'm going to tell Remus and Cecile."
Lily, who had heard them, thought, I'm not at all, as expected.
Sev thought, Lily has heard it all and she hasn't said a word. He went where Cecile and Remus were. Sirius followed him. "Remus, Cecile, will you join me to play the piano?"
"Of course, Sev! Great!" Cecile exclaimed.
"We're taking the little one, Sev," said Remus. "She's been very sad the whole time because she realized that you left angry."
"Has she wanted to drink beer?" Sev asked.
"Nothing, not even butterbeer. Aquamentis, she has even thrown away the one she was carrying in the Cup."
"Ugh... how difficult it is for me to raise her…"
"The same you are for us," Cecile told him.
"Well yes, little witch, well yes. We can also take her two friends, if they want. You tell them, I'll wait for you in the Room of Requirement, go to the toilet if you have to."
"Yes, and we'll grab a drink to continue the party," Remus proposed.
"I'd rather not, if you're going to drink it's better not to come, I'm already going alone."
"I'm going with you, Sev," Cecile told him.
"Okay, then you take care of it. I'll leave Sirius to you, you explain. Sirius, I'll leave you with Cecile, she explains."
He left, just as he had arrived, pushing down the stairs and into the Common Room. A girl followed him out of the house. "What are you looking for, idiot?" he rebuked her, deeply contemptuous, "Don't you see that I want to be alone? Aren't you ashamed to walk after someone who doesn't want to be with you? Where is your dignity?"
The girl went back into the house.
Sev ran to the Room of Requirement. In case Filch catches me right now. He demanded, entered, prepared the piano, sat down on the bench and began to play the second Pink Floyd song that Cecile had prepared for him, which was already almost perfect. Tonight I'll take it out completely. Very good, I'm going for one song a month, in a year I'll be able to give a concert.
Ten minutes later, the door opened.
"Prince!" Hippolyta hugged him and gave him many kisses.
He didn't stop playing. "Hippolyta, you're bothering me, now I'll have to start over. Sit next to me and stay quiet." He made room for her on the bench and the girl sat down.
The others had passed too, Cecile, Sirius and Ariel. He started playing the song again, they took three of the chairs that Paul had Summoned and sat next to the piano, from where they could see him, all in silence.
When he finished, Cecile said to him, "Wow... how you're progressing, Sev, it's already coming out."
"Almost."
"Nevertheless, imperfections also have their charm, they give it personality."
"Ugh... I regret not having also invited Paul, who was the one who taught me to sing it," he lamented.
"I said him, Sev, and he preferred not to come. You know, without having to take care of yourself or Hippolyta, his party can continue."
"Sure, great then. And Remus?"
"He's staying with Lily," she replied.
"Well, well, that does bother me, because if I haven't invited Lily, it must have been for a reason. She didn't want to tell me what she talked about with this little person and when I approached them to invite Sirius she didn't tell me anything."
"I told her not to tell you, Prince," said Hippolyta, timidly.
"Well, you know what I'm going to have to do! Don't you?" threatening. "And I don't find it funny! I already told you this afternoon!"
"I'm going to tell you, Prince..."
"I don't trust you one bit. I'm going to do it anyway, because you never tell me the whole truth. And I have the witness right here. Do you want to talk now about what you told Sirius when you came back from the Quidditch pitch on Monday?"
"No, Prince, better in private."
"Hippolyta! You give me a lot of problems! I no longer need you to take care of me and you do need me. So you see, if you misbehave again, forget about me."
"No, Prince… please…" she hugged him, crying.
Ugh… I'm going to cry too… Sev thought. And I can't, I need to hide my emotions again and I don't like that at all… I'm not going to do it, I'm not like that, I feel what I feel and that's it… He hugged her too and cry. "Hippolyta, you make me very happy, but also very unhappy."
"You're right, Prince... I've already thought about that for a long time, I've upset you greatly, I've ruined your party, you who trusted me to take care of you."
"Well yes, Hippolyta, yes, but it wasn't because of the beer, it's because you always try to maneuver behind my back. You don't know what the right thing to do is, you're still too young for that, you have to let us adults decide what to do."
"You're right, Prince. I promise I'm going to tell you everything."
"It doesn't matter if you tell me or not, Hippolyta, I'm going to read you anyway, because otherwise I'll never know if you're telling me the whole truth. You asked for it and it hurts me very, very much to do it."
When Hippolyta calmed down, he continued playing, a few more times in a row, until he felt relaxed too. Everyone remained silent.
When he stopped, Cecile told him, "Now it really turns out perfect, Sev. Do you want me to prepare another one for tomorrow?"
"It's not necessary, Cecile, for the rest of the term is left, don't beat yourself up, I'm going to be very busy."
"But this way you also have it for the summer."
"Well, then, as you wish. What did you think, Sirius?"
"Amazing, you sing great," Sirius responded.
"And the song, did you like it?"
"A lot."
"Later I'll play you my song, to say goodbye," Sev proposed. "What did you think, Ariel?"
"Very pretty, Sev, I liked it a lot," the boy responded.
"Cecile, can you play something for us?"
"Aren't you asking me what I thought, Prince?" Hippolyta asked, sad.
"I'm not, Hippolyta, right now I don't care about your opinion," hard.
"Come on, Sev..." Sirius told him. "Don't be so hard on her."
"I have to be, Sirius. She needs more than a friend, she needs a father to take care of her and keep her going. Hers can't do it, he only sees her three months a year and he works from dawn to dusk for six days a week."
"Sure…"
"But Sev, I also think you're already going a little overboard," Cecile told him. "Let her tell you what she wants to tell you."
"I don't know how to do this," Sev started crying again. "You know I had a terrible education, I don't have any good role model. Either I'm too soft or I'm too hard."
"Don't cry again... Prince... please..." Hippolyta hugged him again.
"Don't think that everyone who has received a good education is capable of giving it, Sev," Cecile told him. "Many people who have had an ideal upbringing don't know how to be good parents when the time comes, and you usually do it great. You've simply never seen yourself in this position and you're barely sixteen years old. We all still have a lot to mature, you least of all."
"Come on, Hippolyta, what did you want to tell me, honey?" very sweet.
"That the song is beautiful, that you sing and play it very well and that you have very pretty hands, I had never noticed."
"Thank you, my love," he hugged her too. "Come on, let's let Cecile play something for us, you'll see, she plays much better than me."
They exchanged places, Cecile sat at the piano and Sev in the chair she had occupied, with Hippolyta sitting on his knees, hugging her. Cecile had come to play a lot lately and now she remembered by heart everything she had ever played thanks to the cave ritual, so she had improved a lot since Sev heard her for the first time.
Everyone was amazed, applauding each song, and Sev finally relaxed and regained the joy that should have made up his entire day. Afterwards Hippolyta and Sev sang the Sectumsempra counter-spell as a duet, many times, at the request of the others, because everyone loved it.
"You make a perfect couple in everything," Cecile told them. "You can also sing songs as a duet, not just accompany her on the piano. I will give my Mum a job this summer to prepare them and teach me how to arrange, in a way compose, and I will teach you."
"Great, Cecile," said Sev.
"I'm going to have a blast and so will my Mum, she always gets bored in the summer, when her students are on holidays."
"Wonderful, I can't wait to meet her."
"In a week, Sev."
Lastly, Sev played his song. He hadn't done it again since that time he felt it raw, because he didn't want the continuous repetition to wear down his feeling, and he felt it again like that time, everyone was crying when he finished.
Hippolyta, sitting next to him again, hugged him very tightly. "You're already out of the fish bowl, Prince…"
"You never leave the fish bowl, Hippolyta, the fish bowl is life itself. The only way out of the fish bowl is for it to break, the water to spill out, and the soul to stop breathing underwater and die. We are condemned to go around in life until it is our turn to die."