A/N: I have two chapters due tonight, and the second one isn't even started yet. I'm going to break my own self-imposed deadline. There is something freeing in that. I think I like it. Haha!

Speaking of which...

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Clone Nagato

He had no idea what he expected, or if he expected anything at all. He imagined sitting down with his original and saying something along the lines of, "So, um… Hidan and I are dating. I can keep it discrete, but I'm not willing to keep it a secret." After that, he imagined nothing. A void. His imagination refused to run past that point. Strangely, this was okay. It didn't frighten him, because he didn't feel a need to know how his original would respond. Whatever the response was, that would be that.

The response he got was a blank stare. Intuition told Nagato that this blank stare was a more acceptable, less obvious version of Yahiko's blue-screening. Original Nagato was surprised and thrown off balance. Nagato averted his eyes so as not to seem threatening, waiting for it to pass.

Eventually his original sat back. "You and he are…a couple."

"Yes." Why is he simply repeating me? What about this is a surprise to him? We're the same person. He knows I like men, he knows how much I've always struggled with that, he knows how I've always felt about Yahiko and how painful that has been. He knows the general gist of my whole life story. How can he be surprised?

"Hidan."

He's surprised that of all people I could be with, it's Hidan? I guess that makes sense… "My version of him. Who is not a murderous overgrown teenager."

Original Nagato wore no expression on his face. He looked dead. It sent shivers up Nagato's back. "Why did you feel the need to inform me of this?"

Now the clone was the one off balance. What?! "Uh… I thought you would have an opinion on how we should act. So that, like, we don't give your version of Hidan the wrong idea or accidentally tell your version of Yahiko something you didn't want him to know yet."

"There is a risk of that?"

Nagato blinked forcefully, still struggling to figure out what was going on. "We world clones have the same general life story as you do. My life story includes a hefty dose of never, ever letting Yahiko find out that I liked men. I assumed… I mean… What are you saying? That your version of him knows? Does he know you - are you two actually together?"

"No," Original Nagato said curtly.

"Then how can you not understand why I'd want to consult with you before announcing it?" Nagato gave up all pretense of competence and shot his original a totally baffled look.

Original Nagato narrowed his visible eye. "Announcing?"

"Mentioning in public. Whatever you want to call it." Do people not ever talk about their relationship status where he comes from? "Like telling people, 'Sorry, I'm not available then, Hidan and I have plans that night.' That sort of thing."

"Overly elaborate," his original murmured.

Nagato furrowed his brow. "Well, I don't know how you do things back in your world, but in this world important decisions that affect other people generally need reasons behind them. You can't just turn down a request with zero explanation. What if it turns out that the request genuinely is more important than whatever you had going on? If you don't explain the reasons behind your actions, the person you're talking to has no way to know the relative importance. For all they know, you're refusing to help them fulfill a lifelong dream because you have a hankering for bonbons."

"That is considered rude?"

"Rude as hell," Nagato confirmed. "By refusing to give the reason behind your decision, you're shutting down all talk of reasons in general. It's a way of saying, 'I don't care what you're asking or why.' If they were planning to tell you that it was a lifelong dream, well, they're not going to say so after you slam an invisible door in their face."

"That is something you would not already know?"

Nagato stared blankly at his original. "No. Of course not. Do people seriously go around shouting out their hopes and dreams for the entire world to hear where you come from?"

Original Nagato's mask cracked, revealing confusion. "Do people here not do so?"

Nagato shook his head. "The past is a matter of public record. But the future, that hasn't happened yet. Nobody knows it yet. The future you want to create is a very personal and private thing. It's like something you're giving birth to."

His original looked thoughtful, or maybe bored. It was impossible to tell which. "You clones regularly demand things of each other with no context, expecting each other to provide a quick summary of all relevant context while making or responding to the demand. Would it not be more efficient to open your hearts beforehand?"

"That's just not how things are done." Nagato envisioned telling someone that he was trying to become a more confident person, then envisioned a pregnant person opening up their belly to show another the developing fetus in its sack. Both visions made him feel equally disgusted.

Original Nagato's lips tightened. He was definitely annoyed now. "You are saying that you are not capable of hiding your relationship with Hidan."

"I'm technically capable. I just don't want to." Nagato took a deep breath. "I've spent so long hiding this part of who I am that I can't stand to anymore. I don't want to go back."

"You have already made your decision. What is there to consult with me about?"

"I'm sorry if trying to warn you that something important to you exists is rude. Next time, I'll just let you be surprised." Nagato turned away and got to his feet, shaking with anger and sadness. Wow. Complete dismissal. He doesn't even care about this thing that's very important to me. I didn't know that was possible. He left the room quickly, desperate to avoid hearing another word from the alternate version of himself that might as well have been a total stranger.

He found Hidan and Original Yahiko standing near the base of the stairs. Hidan looked angry and Original Yahiko looked confused and defensive, which was no surprise. "Hidan," Nagato called. "It's not real. You're picking that up from me. I thought my own goddamn original would understand my priorities, but it turns out that he doesn't care about things that matter to me." Nagato turned away, hiding unshed tears. "Watching Yahiko die and getting brainwashed by Madara must have turned him into a dick. He's not like me at all." He raced off to his room, throat too tight to speak. I need a good cry. The quickest way to get past my feelings is to go straight through them. That's what Hidan tells me, and he's the smartest most wonderful boyfriend in the world. Nagato flung himself onto his bed and sobbed, heartbroken that the one person in all of reality who should have shared his feelings did not. He really was alone.

Clone Hidan

Hidan grabbed his head. "Ah, fuck." I mixed up my feelings and someone else's, started snapping at Other Yahiko when he didn't deserve it at all. Shit. I gotta sort out what's mine and what's not. To start, he was quite sure that the impulse to cry was not his own. What the fuck happened? I thought our Nagato was supposed to be cool as a cucumber and the original was supposed to react. This is backwards.

"Are you alright?" Other Yahiko asked. "Let's go outside. Your abilities have a limited range, don't they?"

Hidan nodded and followed him outside. Once in the forest, his body settled down and he could be sure his thoughts were his own again. "Sorry for getting frustrated with ya earlier," he muttered.

"You're forgiven," Other Yahiko replied. "And you had a good point." His voice dropped to a whisper. "I guess it is a little rude to talk about someone behind their back."

"No, no, not with feelings bombs. You had a good point too." Hidan shook his head clear. "Don't force yourself to do anything. If all you really want to do is think about kissing him, then just think about it. You might end up thinking about it less and less, or it might develop into a desire to actually physically kiss him. Whatever happens is in the future, not here right now, so don't force it."

"What if your original was right?"

"So fucking what if he is?"

Original Yahiko shook his head. "I'm so confused. Your original is very confusing, you know that? He doesn't talk straightforwardly like you do. He's constantly like a cat toying with its prey. It makes sense for him to be like that sometimes, but he's like that all the time, and it doesn't seem right even if he is genuinely a cat."

"I hear ya," Hidan agreed. "Which is why you shouldn't take him too seriously. Everything he says is partly meaningful, but partly just a test. That particular thing he said was almost entirely a test. He was just trying to get a reaction from you."

"You did have a really good point, though," Yahiko said. "I can't figure out my feelings all by myself. Nagato's the person who always helped me understand my feelings. In order to rfind out how I feel about him, I need his help." He groaned.

Hidan winced. "I'm gonna just casually notice some things that might be relevant. Is that alright?"

"It's alright."

"I can't help but notice that in this whole entire conversation, you've never once expressed any kind of disbelief. Most people, if someone suggested smooching someone they'd previously never considered smooching, their first reaction would be like, 'What are you talking about? We're just friends. We could never be together that way.' You, though? Zero doubt. You talk like you take it for granted that you and your Nagato could be a couple, like you've known that it was an option for years. The only question in your mind is whether you choose that option or not."

Yahiko turned bright red, so he couldn't be expected to provide a coherent verbal response. Hidan pressed on. "I've also noticed you don't have any disbelief about Other Me wanting him. What makes you think Other Me has a snowball's chance of success? Suspicious lack of mind walls is suspicious."

"I'm an open-minded person," Yahiko muttered. "My first thought when I hear a new idea isn't 'No way, that's not possible.' That's how closed-minded people think."

"Your clone's pretty similar, yet he has mind walls up. When he first heard the idea of dating his best buddy, he knew for sure it wasn't gonna happen. Why don't you know that?" Hidan stopped to peer at Original Yahiko with narrowed eyes. "You see a suspiciously wide field of possibilities. Most people don't, you know. They're not rejecting parts of that possibility field. They're not choosing to avoid exploring shit. There's no choice involved at all. Parts of that field just don't fucking exist."

Original Yahiko averted his eyes. He was still just as bright red as before; it had never gone away. I've said enough.

Hidan said he felt recovered and led the way back to the base. They didn't talk anymore. He waved goodbye to Original Yahiko on the back porch and went inside, heading straight to Nagato's room. There he patted his boyfriend's back while Nagato (who had already recovered, thanks to his good cry) explained what had happened. Hidan kissed him on the cheek and told him their relationship wasn't any less or more meaningful depending on what other people thought of it. Nagato grinned and kissed him back. There was really nothing wrong.

Original Hidan

I have some fucking dignity! I'm not gonna chase after that prick in his room like a stupid puppy. This time, I'm gonna make him come to me.

Hours passed. Other Kakuzu was nice and cooperative, but they could only spar for so long. The dolls probably could've been more entertaining if they hadn't been soaking wet, and sitting around watching them act like literal sadsacks was intolerable. Other Yahiko was vaguely interesting, but refused to leave the dolls so it wasn't possible to hang out with him. Konan refused to be a living entertainment center, not that he would have asked that of her since he knew she had dignity too. He itched to go outside and explore somewhere. But Nagato wasn't going to come to him if he wasn't there! Hidan got more and more frustrated as time passed with no sign of ringed eyes or straight red hair. What the fuck is the matter with him? I'm right here! Tempting and juicy!

His clone pulled him aside and growled at him as the group of clones all gathered to make dinner. "Will you stop feeling like this if I bring him to you?" Hidan hissed, not wanting to answer honestly, but his clone was too annoyed to care. He got shoved into the room with all of the boring normal dolls and less than ten minutes later Nagato got shoved in after him. Clone Hidan slammed the door shut behind them both. There was no clicking sound, but Hidan had powerful intuition that told him his clone had at least considered locking the door. It's what I would do.

Hidan refused to make the first move. He examined the strange machine on the floor and pretended not to be aware that there was anyone else around. But his ears picked up every shuffle of Nagato's feet, every inhale and exhale, every rustle of fabric as Nagato sat in a far corner of the room. Hidan heard him take a breath in preparation for speaking. But then, at the last moment, he let it go. Nothing was said. Hidan's fur bristled. Is he trying to outmatch me? No way! I'm not gonna act desperate and weak!

They spent a lot of time not speaking. It was very frustrating. They both jumped when there was a loud banging on the door. "Quit it!" Clone Hidan yelled. "Stop ruining my fucking night!" He stomped away.

Hidan flicked his ears. His clone had provided him with a face-saving way out. "Worst powers ever."

"They do appear to inconvenience him greatly," Nagato replied.

"I'm glad I don't have to deal with that shit."

"I also would not want to have that ability."

They fell silent again. Hidan didn't want his clone to embarrass him by intervening a third time, so he raced to think of something to say. "You already have a ton of abilities, right? You don't need any more."

"That is true."

Why is this fucking dick not doing anything?! "Fat lot of good they do you."

Nagato sighed. "Hidan, you annoy me."

Hidan couldn't help it. On reflex, he turned nearly far enough to see Nagato, stopping himself just in time. He turned back quickly and pretended he hadn't slipped up. "Join the crowd."

Nagato breathed faster. Hidan thought he smelled stress. Haha! I finally got him! "Your behavior offends me. Your insistence on insulting me in public is why I strive to stay as far away from you as I possibly can. I do not know what results your clone expected from forcing me into your company, but so far it has led to nothing but pain."

Hidan's heart clenched, but he forced a smirk onto his face. "I get to you that much, huh?"

"I will say this only once. Hidan, your behavior is repellant and I struggle to tolerate you. My patience has worn through. From now on, you will receive no help or assistance from me unless and until you change. You have precisely one more instance of basic civility allotted to you. When you use it up, I will stop my struggle. Ceasing my struggle will very likely allow me to imagine larger, more powerful consequences to inflict on you. Ones that your immortality does not protect you from." Nagato stood up. "That is all I'm interested in saying. Goodbye." He left the room, closing the door behind him and leaving Hidan totally alone.

Hidan trembled all over and did not know why. That asshole! As if I care what he thinks of me! Psh, he has no idea what he's even talking about. I can't believe that fucking dick left me alone in here. Oh come on, he's clearly not serious. Even if he is, so what? I should tackle him to the fucking ground and force the fucking truth out of his fucking smartass dodging-the-question mouth! After I bludgeon Other Me to bloody paste!

He busied himself punting the dolls around the room, just because he had been told not to. Konan arrived as he was approaching the last one. "May I speak with you in the basement?"

He gave the doll his most powerful kick, sending it crashing into the wall hard enough to break every bone in its little body if it had had bones. "Fine."

She had brought dinner, and she insisted he eat before they spoke. The presence of the symbol made food tastier. Even so, he didn't enjoy it very much. His fur stood on end no matter how hard he tried to relax it and he couldn't stop his tail from flicking. He growled when he was done. "How do you stand that jerk?"

"I avoid causing him great pain," Konan replied. "You are subordinate to him. You would benefit by acting like it."

"I can take orders, but that doesn't make me fucking subordinate." He spat it like it was a dirty word.

Konan took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I understand what you want and expect. But Hidan, he is not like you and I are. He will never react in the way you desire. It's not in his nature."

"I know that already! I've known from the beginning that he was a pissant coward."

"Not a coward. A prey beast. If you are a cat, then he is…some manner of powerful, obstinate herbivore. An elk, perhaps. He has no tolerance for play, no ability to join you in any kind of hunt, and his instincts tell him to propel any predator he sees violently into the nearest tree."

Hidan hated to admit it, but he could picture that. Her analogy made sense to him. "What're ya saying?"

"As long as you continue to be a predator, he will continue to ward you off. That is what prey beasts do. If you want to get anywhere with him, you must stop being so predatory."

"I'm not going to change who I am to make people happy!"

"Do you really believe that you are only one thing?" Konan asked. She sounded sad. "I have learned a lot in my time in this world. I am capable of being many more things than I ever dreamed possible. I want to think that the same is true of you. Your destiny is not decided. You have the power to change your fate at any moment."

Hidan didn't really understand what she was saying, but of course he wouldn't say so. "What makes you think I want to be anything other than what I am now? I'm great."

"You are once dead and twice rejected, forced to roam this building in search of company because no one ever goes looking for you. If you claim to be happy this way, then I believe you." She lifted a hand, then let it fall. The conversation was over. "I was told that you explored the northern campground today. Did you find anything of interest there?"

Spikes of sharp, red-hot pain stabbed up and down his body. He couldn't reply. He couldn't speak at all. For a moment, his vision turned red from rage. Then in a flash his muscles become rock; he couldn't move at all. Then his breath failed to come, the air itself seemingly refusing to enter his lungs. And then, worst of all: a creeping, shivering, itching, crawling sensation that he had last felt years before and thought he would never feel again. It was the feeling of skin rotting away, of flesh and bone withering, of losing parts of his very being. Hidan's heart pounded. All of his excuses and justifications fell away. This feeling could not have returned unless his situation was truly dire. He was serious. I'm doing something wrong. I need to change. Such thoughts were more painful than any wound, but they were mosquito bites next to the sensation of being dead. The creeping and crawling went away, replaced by the more familiar stabbing. But Hidan had learned his lesson: his divine trial was not a one-and-done ordeal. He could be put through it again and again. He was not deemed worthy once and forever. He had to continuously earn his worth. If he allowed himself to disgrace Jashin sama's good name, he would suffer for it. Hell, it was possible for him to disgrace Jashin sama's good name. That alone would have been a terrible shock. He hadn't thought he could do that before. He had honestly believed that he could do no wrong.

Konan gathered up their dishes. She said nothing to him and did not even look at him, giving him space to reckon with his entire worldview having shattered. Tears came to his eyes. I thought everything I did must be right because I'm right. But… But…

"It feels good," Konan murmured. "To give up and let yourself become something you did not want to change into. It turns out to not be as bad as you feared." She carefully maneuvered her way out of the room with the dishes in her arms. She closed the door most of the way behind her, but not all the way. Not all the way.

Hidan saw himself in a new light. He hadn't reached some pinnacle of being, achieved some final goal. There was no final goal. Every way of being was really on the same level. All he'd done was picked a spot to cling to, refusing to allow himself to change and adapt and become anything new. Like a pansy-ass. Like a pissant coward.

"I hate elk," he muttered to himself as he got to his feet. "They're just fucking overgrown deer, but they stand around looking all majestic and noble like they're more than that. No senses of humor. Can't have any fun with them." If Nagato was like an elk, then the proper thing to do would be to keep a distance from him and watch, silently daring him to betray the slightest hint of vulnerability. Prey like that took patience to hunt. Dedication. Even, absurd as it may sound, a kind of loyalty. It was uncomfortable in more than one way. Hidan preferred to hunt prey that would run screaming in delicious terror or go out fighting in a blaze of glory, prey that he mastered, not prey that mastered him.

He looked at the open door. His eyes narrowed. His tail went still. I am great. It doesn't matter what I am. All of it's great. He stalked toward the door and opened it slowly. There was no need to hurry. He could wait. First stop: the kitchen, to grab some more of that delicious food. He was starving.

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A/N: This description of what it's like to hunt a giant ungulate comes from Call of the Wild. That book was written more than 100 years ago and contains some inaccuracies, but I have no reason to believe that the level of work involved in taking down a gigantic animal with four back-breaking hooves and a willingness to use them is among those inaccuracies. Granted, the prey animal in that story was a moose. I know nothing of the typical temperament of elk. It's possible that they are flighty and easily provoked into a run. But moose are just far too shaggy and rude to be a suitable match for Nagato, so elk it is.

Happy New Year!