Disclaimer: Nope.
Author's Note: Hey everyone! I am so very, very thankful for the reviews! I'm also extremely happy that email notifications were sent out for the last chapter so my subscribers knew that I updated. Whether they'll be sent out for this one - well, that remains to be seen. Lol.
I'm so glad you enjoyed the backstory with Sturgis. Yes, it's a truly tragic tale, and I'm glad you think it explains how I've written him. I've definitely got a lot planned for him, but I will tell you guys now that I haven't got any plans for him to meet Sandra again. I wrote that backstory simply to explain why he is the way he is, but no, there won't be any future meetings between him and Sandra. That's also why I didn't go into much detail about exactly how his and Sandra's relationship really developed.
Anyway, we're back with Harry and Sirius for this chapter. I hope you guys enjoy it.
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"Harry?" Sirius asked gently, his voice - as it so often was - filled with love and concern.
Harry looked up from the History of Magic essay he was writing for Sturgis. He was putting every tiny bit of his effort into it, and he could honestly say that he had never enjoyed the subject more. Although, he reflected wryly, that wasn't saying much - he had been thoroughly bored by the subject before. Sturgis made it extremely interesting, though, and he always found himself looking forward to their tutoring sessions. "I'm okay," he told Sirius quietly. "I've just ... got a lot on my mind."
"Of course you do," said Sirius gently. After a moment, he asked, "How's that essay going?"
"Almost done," Harry replied. "I've just got a few more sentences to write."
Sirius allowed him to continue working in silence, but didn't leave Harry's side as he read his own book. Harry felt a deep surge of love and affection for his godfather, who was not badgering him to talk about anything he wasn't ready for. His quiet presence did wonders to soothe his soul.
It had been two days since godfather and godson had returned from Rock Hall, Maryland. After the appointment with the Mind Healers on Saturday, they had taken Dixon up on the offer to stay in Maryland longer. They had returned to Britain by Portkey on Sunday evening.
Dixon had taken them to a lovely restaurant on Saturday night, where Harry had tasted the most delicious breaded chicken and mashed potatoes he had ever eaten. He had never thought that anything could beat what the Hogwarts house-elves prepared - but he had been wrong. Harry had been ravenous that night, needing comfort food after the tumultuous visit with the Healers. He would never be able to forget the agony in his scar, or the foreign waves of hate and anger that had rolled over him, almost submerging him.
But he would also never forget the Hallway of Humanity, of how it had cleansed him, of how it had allowed him to disentangle his own mind from Voldemort's emotions and obliterate them from his consciousness. He would always remember the proud smiles on the Healers' faces, and the raw emotion Sirius displayed as he embraced Harry, pride and love shining in his gray eyes.
And he would never forget how the Mind Healers had given him hope for the future. What they planned to do in order to get rid of Voldemort's Horcrux filled him with apprehension, but the hope was there as well. He held onto it desperately, because he wished for nothing more than to live through this. And as Sirius sat next to him now, Harry cherished every second he was able to spend with him.
On Sunday, they had spent the morning shopping in the local stores, and the afternoon at the beach that was located very near the house Dixon owned. As it was now October, there weren't many people there, which suited godfather and godson just fine as they walked on the sand. They hadn't gone in the water, as it was too cold to do so, but they loved the beach nonetheless. For Harry, it had been the first time he had ever gone.
And, before they'd returned to Britain, Dixon made them another spectacular meal, giving them the strength and sustenance to make them feel as though they could withstand anything. It was a beautiful way to wrap up their weekend in Rock Hall, and they thanked Dixon profusely for his kindness and hospitality.
Yesterday, Harry had returned to his regular schedule of lessons, and last night, he and Sirius had attended Sturgis's normal evening gathering. He smiled with the Order members as they worked out in the exercise room, and then, Sturgis proceeded to entertain them with more of his guitar playing. The broad smile across his face and the laughter and merriment of the Order members buoyed Harry's spirits even more.
To end the evening, Sturgis had explained to everyone about the parent-teacher conferences. Harry had finally understood why Voldemort had been so enraged on Saturday - he'd obviously seen the article in the Daily Prophet about it, which Sturgis read out loud to everyone gathered in his home last night. "The meetings will begin on the evening of Wednesday, November 1, and will continue for the next five days. The proceedings will begin at 6:00 PM on Wednesday through Friday, with a dinner in the Great Hall for parents before the meetings begin at 7:00 PM. In order for the teachers to meet with everyone, Saturday and Sunday's meetings will be all-day events, starting with breakfast in the Great Hall at 9:00 AM, lunch at 1:00 PM, and dinner at 6:00 PM for those parents who will be attending at those time slots."
Hogwarts and the Ministry were gearing up for the occasion - it was going to be enormous. Aurors and other Ministry workers would be guarding the school constantly to make sure there were no problems. And, as Sturgis had explained last night, the Order would be doing the same.
"So, because of this, we will not be having our normal evening gatherings during that time, although we will all still be doing something together." Sturgis looked at all of them, his expression very serious. "I will be explaining this again at our next Order meeting for all those who are not with us tonight. But I would like to stress to you all now, how important this is. It is our responsibility to make all the parents feel welcome, especially those who will have many questions about the wizarding world and how it operates."
Harry had felt a mixture of excitement, apprehension, and outright worry. The pure hate that had come from Voldemort's mind - the sheer intensity of it - came back to him again, and he shuddered. Was it going to be enough that there would be so much security, and so many people guarding the school?
Several of the other people in the room had similar looks on their faces, but Sturgis did his best to reassure them. "I believe that Hogwarts will be safe, but it is our responsibility to make sure that is true." He looked at them meaningfully. "It will be a very different week, but one that is even more important than what we usually do. I have always thought it paramount that we keep up our spirits and our morale during this difficult time. Now, we have been tasked with making sure that many more in our society receive that hope as well. I believe this to be one of the most important things the Order has ever done."
"But what about ... what about You-Know-Who?" It was Molly Weasley who spoke everyone's fear out loud, acknowledging the anxiety that was wriggling inside Harry. "We have intelligence that he knows all about this."
"Call him Voldemort, Molly." Sturgis spoke gently but firmly. "There is a lot that has gone into this operation," he continued. "There have been many meetings between the Hogwarts staff, the Ministry, and the governors. The wards are being strengthened even more as we speak - there are several people partaking in this activity, because as I have explained before, it takes a lot of energy to power wards, and those on Hogwarts most of all. Everyone who walks into the school will be tested for Polyjuice Potion and other disguises, such as glamors. They are also required to show their forearms when they arrive."
"But won't Voldemort know about that?" Tonks asked. "He'd find some other way to attack - we mustn't underestimate him."
Sturgis's voice was calm when he replied. "We are not." His blue eyes were intense. "We all know how dangerous he is. Believe me - this was not an easy decision for the Ministry and the governors to come to. There is more of an effort being put into this than any of us are aware of."
"There have been many mistakes made in our society," Kingsley stated quietly. "And those mistakes have resulted in people like our former Minister, Cornelius Fudge, running our government. Muggles have remained ignorant of much of our culture through no fault of their own, and we are to blame. Unfortunately, it started a vicious cycle, as many witches and wizards - even the well-meaning ones - have perceptions of Muggles which are not accurate at all. The ones that know about our society should learn many more of the facts of our world."
There was much more discussion in the following minutes. Harry thought of Hermione, who barely ever spoke of her parents. He thought of Justin Finch-Fletchley, the Creevy brothers, and all the other Muggle-borns who attended Hogwarts. He also couldn't help but think of Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle, and hoped desperately that they weren't going to cause trouble for the parents of Muggle-borns. The thought of Malfoy with that vicious sneer upon his face and his bored, drawling voice as he insulted them made him feel incensed. He hoped the blond idiot would just stay in his common room and leave them alone.
Harry had a sudden revelation - if Sirius, who was part of the Order, needed to go to Hogwarts to take part in this huge endeavor, then what would Harry do? He had gone to the Burrow when Sirius had confronted Dumbledore last week - but Molly and Arthur would be at Hogwarts too, wouldn't they? And Bill was also part of the Order, so ...
As if reading Harry's thoughts, Sturgis addressed him directly. "Harry, I'm sure you're wondering what you will do during this time."
Harry nodded. He wondered fleetingly whether he would be allowed to stay at Grimmauld Place by himself, but realized in the next instant that he was being ridiculous. Though Grimmauld Place was unplottable, he knew his safety was paramount. Even as protected as it was, he knew that neither Sirius nor any of the other Order members would want him to be there by himself. Last year, such a revelation would have annoyed him tremendously, but he realized how high the stakes were. A brief burst of anger at Voldemort ripped through him, but he tamped it down. This was his situation, and he had to handle it with grace. It wasn't the Order's fault that things were like this.
Emmeline gazed at him knowingly. "We hope that what has been decided is to your liking," she said quietly. "There was some back-and-forth with the governors on this issue, but since they have already agreed to allow you to return to Hogwarts in January, they have agreed to this as well, since security at the school will be even tighter than it will be come the new year."
Harry instantly realized where this was going, and he already knew what Kingsley would say when he opened his mouth. "During the time that we are at the castle, you will also be there," he said with a smile. "Though you will not begin your classes until January, you will be able to spend the evenings, plus all of Saturday and Sunday there. You may do as you wish - join your friends in your common room, walk out on the grounds, or come and mingle with the parents and show them around. Students will be able to give tours to parents when they aren't in meetings."
It took a minute for the news to sink in, but when it did, Harry felt a whole barrage of feelings come crashing over him. Hogwarts - he was going to step foot in Hogwarts again.
He thought of the Great Hall, with its delectable feasts and the ceiling that looked exactly like the night sky. He thought of the long House tables and the students who made themselves comfortable three times a day. He thought of the corridors, with the talking portraits and moving staircases. He thought of the Gryffindor common room, with its squashy armchairs and comfortable couches. He thought of chess games with Ron and doing homework with Hermione.
After so long, he would be able to enter the premises once again. Even though he wouldn't be staying the night, he would be within its walls. Both apprehension and joy warred for dominance within him, along with the memories of the last few days that he had been there, the last glimpse he had of Ron, Hermione, and Ginny's faces as Sirius's Portkey whisked him away from the hospital wing. ...
"Harry?" Sirius laid a gentle hand on his shoulder, bringing the boy out of his musings. "Are you all right?"
"I'm going to Hogwarts?" Harry spoke in a whisper. "I can ... I can see Ron and Hermione?"
Molly Weasley beamed at him, her eyes soft. "Doubtless they will be thrilled to see you, too," she said tenderly.
Harry smiled back. "Are you sure it will be safe?" he asked.
"That school," Kingsley said, "will probably be the safest it's ever been."
Ever since he had reentered the wizarding world, so many people had harped on and on about how safe Hogwarts was, only for it not to be true. But Kingsley sounded so positive of the fact that it instantly allowed Harry to trust him. The Order was more aware now of what was at stake, and what mistakes had been made in the past.
Therefore, Harry was immediately comforted, and he allowed himself to feel the excitement that used to come with any thoughts of Hogwarts. He suddenly felt his heart racing, imagining the looks on Ron and Hermione's faces when he walked into the Great Hall for the first dinner. Doubtless Hermione would give him a rib-crushing hug, and Ron would pound him on the back, his face holding one of those huge smiles that only his first-ever friend Ronald Weasley could produce.
Now, it was the following day, and as he sat on the couch in Grimmauld Place's drawing room, that was one of the things that dominated his mind. And as he thought of the ancient castle with its turrets and towers, the sparkling lake with the Giant Squid's tentacles poking out of it, the Forbidden Forest with all its mystery, and all the other enchantments it held, he came to a sudden realization. "You know," he told Sirius, "I'm honestly more excited to return to Hogwarts than I thought I would be. I thought I'd be more hesitant ... after what happened and how long I took to recover, I'm surprised I'm so excited."
Sirius closed his book and grinned at him with genuine happiness. Harry put down his quill, having just finished the last sentence of his History of Magic essay. "I am so very happy to hear that, kiddo," Sirius said warmly.
"I reckon I'll be more nervous about it when I go back in January," Harry said quietly. "I feel like ... the beginning of November week will be a test, you know? I'm not actually staying there, I'm just visiting. And you ... you'll be there, too."
Honestly, Harry thought that this was why he was handling this so well. He knew that Sirius would be busy with Order duties, which Harry would never intrude on. But there was something infinitely reassuring about knowing his guardian would be in the castle.
Sirius put an arm around him. "I'll always be there if you need me," he said gently. "Even when you go back in January, you will be able to reach me very quickly."
Harry thought of the owl dilemma, which was unfortunately still going on. Letters were still being sent out by house-elves, and, all things considered, the arrangement was working out quite well.
Harry smiled back as he continued to ponder the very real changes that were happening in the wizarding world. "I wonder what Hermione's parents will think of Hogwarts."
"I know Lily's would have loved it." Sirius was lost in reminiscent thoughts for a moment. "They were endlessly asking her questions about the magical world. They were very intrigued when we would come and see her, too. We Marauders were always using magic in front of them after we turned seventeen - I must admit, we were real show-offs, but they seemed to love it."
Harry appreciated the information about his grandparents - they sounded wonderful. However, this instantly led him to thoughts of ... something else.
In the next moment, Sirius's face had turned pale, suddenly realizing where his words had taken Harry. "Merlin, I'm sorry, kiddo," he breathed as his expression became a mixture of anger and sadness.
Both of them had been attempting to not think about the fact that several Order members had gone to the Dursleys today. Sirius had freely admitted that he wanted nothing more than to join them, and it had taken every bit of self-restraint not to.
"I know you don't want them hurt, Harry," Sirius had said the day before as they'd sat in the same position they were sitting in now. "And I know, with everything I have, that if I were to go as well, I would have no self-control. I'd say a lot worse than I did to Dumbledore - and I'd use my wand. I wouldn't go unarmed." As he embraced Harry, the boy could feel him trembling. "If I really did what I wanted to do to the Dursleys ..." he said quietly, and left the sentence hanging.
No, Harry did not want the Dursleys hurt. He wanted them to be left alone. He never had to see them again, and they never had to see him again. That was all for the better, and Harry didn't want to interfere in their lives anymore.
But he couldn't help but feel a fierce surge of love well up for Sirius in that moment. He knew he wanted to hurt the Dursleys, but he knew, for Harry's sake, that he shouldn't. He had truly learned from what had happened when he'd sought revenge on Peter. Hurting him wouldn't bring James and Lily back, just as hurting the Dursleys wouldn't change Harry's horrible childhood. Sirius knew he needed to be here for Harry now - and that was what made all the difference.
Still, Harry's mind couldn't help but wander to the ordinary, boring Privet Drive and Aunt Petunia drinking her normal cup of tea. No doubt Vernon would be at work, and Dudley would be back at school. The garden would be in pristine condition, and everything would be "just so". It was laughable, just how boring the street was. All the houses looked exactly the same - it was the complete antithesis of a place like the Burrow, or Hogwarts.
Moody had promised Harry that the Dursleys wouldn't be hurt. Still, Harry knew that Aunt Petunia certainly wouldn't react well to a bunch of "abnormal freaks" showing up on her doorstep. She'd be afraid that the neighbors would see. Harry almost snorted at her complete inability to handle anything that didn't go completely her way.
And he found that he couldn't muster up much sympathy for her. Being away from that environment for over a year now, and knowing he never had to go back, had given him fresh perspective. It wasn't that he felt sorry for himself about how he'd been treated, although Sirius had told him plenty of times that he had every right in the world to be furious at what he'd been put through. He had literally been treated the way Lucius Malfoy had treated Dobby. He'd never forget the darkness of the cupboard, and how he used to fear the spiders infested there. He remembered the sadness, the sheer loneliness of it. He remembered being called a freak by Dudley's gang as they chased him around, their laughter and taunts ringing in his ears as he struggled to get away. He recalled the sheer confusion he felt as he suddenly appeared on the roof of the school, not knowing how he got there, but incredibly glad that he was far away from them. ...
But no, it wasn't his own treatment that made him feel no sympathy for her. He thought of his beautiful mother, the woman who had lovingly sacrificed her life for him, refusing to step aside when Voldemort, for some unknown reason, had given her the chance to walk away unscathed. But instead, she had stood, shielding him, loving him until the monster had snuffed out her life. But she hadn't died in vain - it had given Harry the chance to live.
What had it been like for her, to grow up with Aunt Petunia? What must it have been like to have her own sister spit "freak" at her, treat her with scorn, and call her "unnatural" and "abnormal"? And how had she treated James and the other Marauders, and any other friends Lily had? Everything Harry imagined made him very angry.
And, worse still, after she had died at the hands of a monster, given up her life for her son, Aunt Petunia had spent Harry's entire childhood telling him that her sister had died in a car accident because she didn't care about him. She and James had been irresponsible drunks who were lazy layabouts and didn't give a damn about their baby. Out of everything about Harry's relatives, especially his aunt, this made him the angriest. Her very existence was an insult to Lily's memory, and it made Harry sick to his stomach. How dare she ... how dare she!
Harry recalled all the nights he had lain in his cupboard, hating his parents for abandoning him, cursing them for being horrible drunks while, the entire time, they had given their very lives for him. The guilt crawled inside him, even though he knew that it had been Petunia and Vernon's fault for making him believe that about them at all. And he knew, in that moment when he had come face to face with their echoes in the graveyard, that they didn't hold it against him when they'd looked at him with nothing but love and acceptance. Still, in moments like this, the guilt crept up on him again, and he was taken aback by its intensity.
"It's okay, Sirius," Harry said quietly as he looked into his godfather's stricken face. "I always love to hear about my grandparents. I just wish ... that Aunt Petunia would have gotten over her ... her problems."
Sirius gathered Harry close to him. "Me too," he said, his voice raw. "You should have had a wonderful childhood."
Harry sighed as he looked into Sirius's eyes, suddenly feeling the need to confess. "I know, rationally, that it isn't my fault, but I feel so ... so guilty sometimes," he admitted quietly. "There were days when I used to lie in my ... my cupboard, and I used to hate my parents so much for ... for leaving me. I didn't think they cared about me because Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon kept telling me they were lazy, horrible, good-for-nothing drunks who died in a car accident and the Dursleys were good, hard-working people who were burdened with me."
Sirius pulled Harry closer, and the boy could feel his godfather trembling with rage and sorrow. "You should never feel guilty over that," he whispered, carting his hand through Harry's hair. "What else were you supposed to do in that situation? You didn't know the truth." He lifted Harry's chin, forcing their eyes to meet, as he had done so many times before whenever he knew that guilt was getting to Harry. "Your parents would understand," he said softly.
Harry nodded, lost in his godfather's warm eyes. "They do," he answered just as softly. "When I saw them in the ... the graveyard, they looked at me like they knew, and like they understood." He stopped, and took a deep breath. "Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon spat on my parents' sacrifice every single day, and Aunt Petunia knew Mum," he whispered. "It's sick. I'm glad I never have to see her or Vernon ever again."
Sirius was still running his hand through Harry's hair, his expression still that mix between rage and grief. "No. You never have to see them again," he said emotionally.
The sound of the doorbell broke the moment, and Harry felt a jolt go through his body. Sirius, also on heightened alert, jumped up from the sofa. He and Harry made their way to the front door. Both were pretty positive of who it was - after all, Alastor Moody had agreed to inform them of what happened with Aunt Petunia.
Sure enough, after Sirius had made sure it was indeed Moody at the door, he was let into the house. His magical eye whizzed around in its socket, the expression on his face uncompromising and unforgiving. Harry could tell that he was having a hard time keeping his anger in check.
Once they were all sitting in the drawing room, Moody looked at Harry. "You, boy, are a better person than I could ever dream of being," he said gruffly.
Harry was taken aback, having never heard Moody make such a confession before. "What?" he asked, shocked.
"I don't know how you could have lived with that disgusting human being for all those years and not attacked her," Moody said bluntly. "You asked a lot of me, not to do so."
"You didn't, did you?" Harry asked quietly.
Moody's eyes met his. "No," he said, and Harry knew he was telling the truth. "We respected your wishes, and she has been left alone. If it were up to me, though ..." Harry saw Moody's hands ball into fists.
"Thank you." Harry still spoke quietly. "What ... what happened?" he continued slowly.
In response, Moody took some papers out of his robes. "Sturgis made sure these were signed correctly, and indeed, they were," he said as he handed them to Sirius. "That vile thing signed them without even reading them."
Harry and Sirius looked at each other, mixed emotions battling inside of them. Harry saw the fury on Sirius's face at the realization that the uncaring, selfish shrew had given up Harry so quickly, that she had wanted nothing more than to get the "abnormal freak" out of her life for good. But there was also the incredible, overpowering relief that she wasn't going to fight Sirius on this, that she would give up all custody rights to him.
Harry felt mixed up about it, too, but in his case, it was sadness rather than anger that he felt towards his aunt in that moment. She had honestly seen him as nothing more than a representation of all her bad feelings. She had truly never seen him as a person separate from his mother - he was nothing more than a living memory of everything she wanted to forget. And now, she was rid of him forever.
But now, Sirius was legally going to be his guardian, and the big fight he had been gearing up for, with Dumbledore trying to convince him that he needed to stay with the Dursleys - that wasn't going to happen now. He had been so prepared for a long, drawn-out battle of wills about it, but Dumbledore had apparently realized the gravity of his error, and had conceded. Harry's emotions were still so torn about the Headmaster, but he could only feel immense gratitude about this particular decision not to fight this.
"So the hardest part is over," Sirius whispered. "And Harry never has to see Petunia again?"
"Never again," Moody reassured quietly. "Now, all you have to do is go and visit Eileen Diggory to finalize it."
The mention of Eileen Diggory would always cause Harry pain, no matter how much time passed and no matter how much he knew the woman didn't blame him for Cedric's death. Her kindness and compassion the day after the Third Task would always mean so, so much to him. He remembered her gentle hug, the way her eyes were so tender and caring. He had no doubt that she would help him and Sirius resolve their living situation once and for all.
Instantly knowing what emotions were struggling inside of Harry, Sirius placed an arm around him again. "It will be all right, kiddo," he said gently.
"I know," Harry responded, knowing that it was true. And, because there would be no fight with Dumbledore, the proceedings were bound to go a lot better.
Moody looked at the two of them, his expression more gentle than Harry had ever seen it before. Alastor Moody was a hardened man who had seen much bloodshed, horror, and violence in his life, and he had once told Harry that he believed he didn't have much of a soul left in him.
But Harry knew Moody had truly underestimated his own capacity for compassion. The way he was looking at him showed that no matter what he thought, there was still room in his heart for warmth. On a whim, Harry said, "Have I ever thanked you properly, Professor? For everything?"
"There's no need to thank me, boy." Moody's expression was still unusually gentle, and Harry realized that the way he said, "boy", was very different to how his uncle had always done so. His tone had always been full of revulsion and derision, but the word "boy" coming out of Moody's mouth was honestly a term of endearment, of affection.
The next thing out of Moody's mouth was entirely unexpected. "And ... call me Alastor, won't you?"
Harry looked at the man in pure shock, and he could see that Sirius was looking at him in the same way. "You ... you ..." Harry stuttered. "Really?"
Moody nodded, and he smiled at Harry. "You've earned it," he said, attempting his normal, gruff tone. But Harry heard the affection that was hidden behind it.
"Thank you, Alastor." Harry felt his own surge of emotion well up inside him as he stared at the man who was putting everything into helping him fight demons both inside and outside himself.
Moody patted his shoulder, both of his eyes meeting Harry's own. "No problem."