Michael
Here I am, finally arriving at the place my brother and I were set to have lunch. I'm tired, shaky, and irritated from the previous encounter being so damn cryptic and possibly just a fever dream... And now I walk up and see my brother, laughing and positively draped across some fucking blue haired, pierced eared, rocker boy. My irritation was at an all time high now. Draping himself on me was all fine and good, even naked was acceptable because we're brothers... but to find him doing this with some stranger, in public no less... I'm disgusted, disappointed... and I will admit a bit jealous. He's my brother damn it, you've only just met him! Get your dirty, calloused, black painted, fingers off of him you sleazy wankstain.
I realized that I was going a bit overboard. I had to take a breath. I was getting way more heated than I normally would and I blame it on today being so bloody weird. I decided to breathe, calm down and approach this situation with more mental clarity. I couldn't be flying off the handle in public. That was only going to draw more attention to myself and I really didn't want that.
"Lawrence?" My voice must have startled him as he suddenly looked up. His eyes got wide as a blush began to cover his face. He knew he had been caught in a situation that looked suggestive. His question fell upon deaf ears as I caught a glimpse of the blue haired boy's eyes looking back at me. Aquamarine... of course they had to be Aquamarine. Lawrence and I, we both had that in common, we both loved blue eyes. But I wasn't about to let that affect my judgement. If this twat thought that he could use his pretty eyes and his smooth charm to slip his way into my brother's virgin asshole, then he has another thing coming. Okay, I'm getting heated again. I need to center myself and to respond to my brother with a level and calm response.
"You are such a f****t." That... wasn't what I intended to say, however now that we are here... His eyes went as wide as saucers as he pushed himself back and off of the other boy in a rush. His mouth failed to form proper words for a moment as he fought for some semblance of a way to explain himself. The other guy had a look of genuine shock on his face as if he had never heard anyone use such crude language before. Well get used to it sunshine, touch my brother and the slurs come out. When Lawrence finally got his mouth to stop flapping uselessly, like some fish out of water, I fixed him with an expectant look.
"That's a bit harsh don't you think, brother?! I mean yeah, I'll admit that your timing wasn't stellar, and it probably looked more suggestive than it was meant to. But I wasn't coming onto him I swear!" I snorted and rolled my eyes as he spoke. Was he serious? It only looked more suggestive that it was meant to?
"Well, you know me. I like to call a spade a cunt. But now that you're no longer draped across him like some twenty quid whore. You can stand over by that tree and I can have a lovely conversation with the man who you were a hair's breadth away from riding to completion." His face grew a bright crimson as he opened his mouth to argue. The other boy had taken the time to stand up and was looking between us with a grimace. Clearly he wanted to try and jump in to take some of the heat off of Lawrence, but didn't quite know when or how.
"Brother! He's just a friend! Do you need to be so damn crude?! I'm sure he doesn't appreciate you alluding to us fucking!" My brother was putting up a surprising amount of resistance. This boy must be really something special. I have to bust out the big guns, don't I?
"I thought I made myself clear. But I suppose I didn't. Need I remind you what happened the last time you were, 'just making friends'. Who was it again? Oh yeah, that's right. A beautiful, raven haired girl by the name of... Cecilia." The name made his eyes go wide and his face pale. I took a step forward and the corners of my eyelids pinched in a way that made me look like a cat that was about to pounce.
"And pray tell, what happened between her and you? She was a looker, an outgoing flirt, a dancer and a model. She came waltzing into your life and you really opened up didn't you? A wide smile, a bounce in your step. A girl as beautiful as she, was interested in you! She flashed her pretty blue eyes, and curled those plump yet delicate lips and you were at her beck and call..." He began to shake and his eyes were cast down to the ground. I knew I needn't go any further.
"Lawrence." I whispered and he looked up at me, his eyes were filled with as of yet unshed tears. A spike of pain ran through me, seeing that look upon his face always filled me with agony. I hated it. Hated it even more when I had to use it against him for his own good. But I found my anger once again and dug deep into it so that I may push passed this mental obstacle. My next words were a harsh growl in the back of my throat.
"Stand. By. The. Tree." The glare in my eyes met Lawrence's own gaze. He had no more resistance and complied with my demand. I was angry but I was angry for him, angry at myself. I knew I was protecting him, knew it was for his own good... but I still felt a pang of regret when it came to using my authority over him. Dad had given me the responsibility to look after Lawrence. Not just because he was my brother but also because he always fell into flights of fancy. Whether it be with a hobby or romantically, he had a tendency to dive in before knowing if he could swim. Sometimes his flights were harmless, sometimes they ended with him either physically hurt... or heart broken. I hated having to monitor him so closely, especially when I had to chase away girls or boys who he suddenly grew close to. But he was always falling into love like some lost puppy and it almost never was with someone who genuinely liked him back. This new boy could be the sweetest most caring person on the planet. But I simply could not take the risk. Once Lawrence was standing by the tree and trying not to look over in our direction, I rounded on the other boy. He was taller than me, he was handsome, he had gorgeous aquamarine eyes, a roman nose, and a smile that could no doubt slay any woman, or boy, that he desired. But despite how attractive he was, he was my enemy. I needed to play the snarling hound and make sure he knew to stay away.
"Now as for you! I have-"
"That wasn't fair." I blinked. What did he just say? Before I could respond he continued.
"That wasn't fair to Lawrence. You're his brother aren't you? You shouldn't use past trauma as a cudgel to get him to comply with your demands." My face twisted into a snarl as I glared at him. How dare he tell me what I couldn't do. I already hated having to do it but his holier than thou attitude made me really want to hit him.
"You stay-"
"I have no ill intentions towards your brother." This fucker wasn't letting me get a word in! Fine if he wants to flap his gums then I'll let him. He paused for a moment as if seeing if I was going to let him speak. I hadn't been the one interrupting the other but sure, glare at me all you want. When he saw my expectant look he continued.
"I merely saw that he looked melancholic and confused. That the melodies of his heart were discordant. It was as if a full orchestra had been given the instruction to play improvisational jazz. There was little to no direction, too many of the band members were attempting to play at once, and there were so, so many disparate notes that it all came together as noise. I saw that and simply wanted to help. At the very least, I figured I could try and distract him from the chaos and maybe make him laugh." I raised an eyebrow and waited to see if he had said his entire piece. As the silence hung for a second longer he decided to fill it once more.
"I do find him attractive, I will not deny that. However I am already committed to someone, and there is nothing more that I hate than when someone cheats on those they're with. So no. I have no intention of trying to do anything like that with him. I suspect you're just trying to protect your brother. But the way you're going about it isn't right. It only makes you look like the bad guy." I sighed... this person was too smart for their own good. With a long exhale I looked them in the eye and smiled. I calmly approached until I was looking up at him with my steel colored eyes.
"Listen. You're probably a good guy. Maybe even a great guy. However... They're all great guys, right up until they take you to bed and then leave in the morning never to be seen again. My brother, is not your play thing. Oh sure, you can say you hate cheaters, you can say you're with someone. But how much of that is really the truth? I don't know you, I've never seen you before in my life. So I can't trust a damn word you say. But my brother? He is my family, and I protect my family, even if it's from themselves and even if I end up looking like the villain in the end. I protect them no matter what. Especially from the likes of you! Because I've seen your type before. Pay a quid and you'll get a dozen more just like you. Charming, attractive, rockerboys with pretty words and nice smiles. I'm sure that you just seem bad but actually have a heart of gold. You can fuck right off with that shit. I'm only going to tell you this once. If you touch my brother... I'll cut off your hands. If you somehow manage to lure my brother into your bed. Then I will personally, make sure that your family will have to identify your remains with nothing but your DNA. Because they are going to be finding your body in pieces all across this fucking city." Surprisingly despite my rage and the vitriol in my voice he refused to back down. He wasn't goaded into attacking me, nor did it seem like he was getting angry with me insulting his honor. He simply closed his eyes, took a slow breath, and looked at me with a focused expression.
"I have no desire to do anything that you accused me of. Lawrence looked lonely, like he needed a friend. I could see that he was person in need and I knew that I should try to cheer him up. Though I'll admit, I've also been wanting more guy friends my age. I can see that you are protective of him, that is plain as day. I suspect with how rabid you are, and from the little you said of that girl who was with Lawrence before... that he must have been taken advantage of in the past. But you have nothing to fear from me. Because we share similar burdens. I too have a sibling that I want to protect. I too know what it's like to want nothing more than to keep my sibling safe and stop people from being cruel to her. But I cannot do that if it stops her from having friends. Because all that will do is make her hate me. So against every instinct I have, despite my fears screaming at me... I have to trust her. I have to give her the space to flourish. And it's the same with Lawrence. Maybe he got hurt in the past, but he needs to have the freedom to try again. I'm not asking you to like me, or even trust me. But at least trust him." I looked at this boy with an appraising eye and slowly drew in my breath. I'll admit, he's making excellent arguments. Using his own experience with his sister as an example to try and convince me that I'm wrong... it was bold. I'm impressed. If he was telling the truth... but the intensity in his eyes, the way his voice sounded as he spoke about her... it told me it wasn't acting. So with a sigh I glanced back at Lawrence and then back to this boy once more. He didn't respond to threats of violence to his person. So I had to come at this from a new angle then. Maybe find a way to push him away through his family. Or pressure him into compliance to guarantee he won't hurt my brother. Because I'll admit, he is right... Lawrence does need friends. I can remain a lone wolf without the need for companionship, so long as my brother is happy. But Lawrence... he craves more. He tries to hide it. He wants to pretend I'm all that he needs. But I see it in him.
"You have a sister then? What's her name?" I asked this question with genuine interest in my voice. He looked surprised but he answered me right away.
"Juleka. She's also my twin. Though obviously not the identical kind like yourselves." I smiled and chuckled gently at that.
"Well wouldn't you know it! Both twins ay? Small world that! I bet she's made loads of friends since you eased up your protective brother bit." I was trying to coax some more info out of him. And it seems like it worked. He smiled a wide, dumb smile and rubbed the back of his head as he began talking about her more. He really did love his sister, that was plain to see.
"Actually yes. I'm really proud of her. Most of her friends go to school with her. Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, she mentioned seeing two twins with hair just like yours yesterday on the train. She said that you would be joining her school soon." That got my attention. I couldn't help but to smile at my own good fortune. If she was going to our school... Maybe I just found the leverage I needed. Maybe with this I could afford to let my brother have some more freedom.
"Ah, now that's just perfect actually! Real fortuitous that is. You're right though, my brother's happiness does come first, and I do want him to make friends. But I don't trust you. However, now that you've just let slip that golden nugget of information about your sister, I don't have to. Because you've just unwittingly given me blackmail material. So from one protective twin brother to another, don't hurt my sibling or else I'll hurt yours worse." That got him to break the good guy act. His eyes took on an icy fury as he fixed me with a cold glare. It didn't last long however, as he managed to get it under control with a slow deep breath. So at the very least it looked like his self control was pretty decent. I didn't have to worry about him getting upset and hitting my brother.
"You are not a very nice person. My sister has done nothing to you and yet you'd go so far as to threaten her? Are you sure you are doing this to protect your brother? Although if that's what it takes for you to be willing to let him take risks. Then I agree to your terms. I don't trust you either. But I can trust that you will keep your word. If I hurt your brother, you will hurt my sister in return. So, all I have to do is make sure that I don't hurt him and no harm will come to her. It's deceptively simple, and yet incredibly clever. However, what if I do hurt him, but it's unintentional or from a misunderstanding? Even the best relationships have those moments sometimes. Is there some sort of grace period that I can expect to prove that there was no malice involved?" Now that we had reached an understanding I found myself finally starting to relax once again. His question about misunderstandings did pose an interesting conundrum for me. I didn't want to hurt an innocent girl if I didn't have to. I'm not a psychopath. But if my brother was hurt by this guy then she was an easy target for payback. A bargaining chip of sorts. I cast my eyes up towards the sky and thought about it for a moment before sighing.
"Fine. I'm an asshole, but I'm not unreasonable. If my brother is hurt, but it wasn't intentional, then I'll give you about a week to fix it or for it to blow over. If by the end and you two are chummy once more... Then I'll consider it an accident or just regular friendship drama. But if it turns out that it was completely your fault. Then you can have no complaints about what I'll do. Obviously, the longer you're his friend and the more you prove to me that you aren't just trying to use him to get your jollies... The more leniency I'll give you." With that I offered him a hand. He looked down at it and pursed his lips. Clearly he was still hesitant. Despite saying he agreed, actually shaking on it made it feel more official. His morals were clearly being tested. So... With a sigh I finally dropped the snarling guard dog act. I came to him as a man to another man.
"Look. I take no joy in using your sister like a pawn. But you have guessed correctly. Lawrence... Lawrence has been hurt before. Both physically and emotionally. I... I don't want to see that look of pain on his face ever again. And if I have to hurt someone to prevent it. Then you know damn well that I haven't the time for pride or morals. You seem to have found peace with letting your sister take her own risks. You have accepted to let go of the illusion of control. But I haven't. I can't. Not... not yet. I want my brother to find happiness, to find friends and love... but... that look of heartbreak and despair cuts through me every time he gets close to someone else. I... I can't live through that again. I'll never forgive myself." My hand remained extended as I spoke. But still he didn't take it. Finally I sighed and began to lower my hand... and with a with a sharp exhalation of breath he finally took it. Our grips were definitely trying to crush the other's at first and neither of us gave up easily. But as the shake continued the grip got more relaxed until finally we just let go at roughly the same time and nodded. We had a mutual agreement and a start down the road of respect.
"Lawrence. We are going to go home. Come here and tell your... tell your friend... goodbye." I emphasized the word friend slightly as I called over to him. The reaction was instant. His eyes grew wide and he practically tackled me into a hug as he thanked me. His smiling face and his laughter were infectious, I couldn't help but to return the gesture. He was my brother, I had to protect him and his smile. But the blue haired twat was right. Sometimes to protect his smile... I had to let go. I just didn't like that it came with a stomach full of twisted knots.
Lawrence
Nothing else of importance really happened that afternoon. We left the riverside, went to get actual groceries to stock the kitchen and pantry, and finally arrived home just as father was pulling his car into the drive. Apparently he had meant to stay at the school for only two or three hours and be home by lunch. However he had enjoyed the tour of the campus so much, that he sat in on a few of the other teacher's giving lessons. He said it was to get a feel for his coworkers and his future students. Thankfully when he arrived he too had the foresight to pick up groceries on the way home. While there was some overlap in what had been purchased, it was only in the bare essentials. We didn't have much in the way of real estate when it came to carrying the food home in our arms after all. Perhaps we should begin working towards getting a license ourselves, a scooter of some kind would help wonders when it came to traveling the city. Though if we do end up with some kind of scooter or motorcycle in the future, I know that we will always feel slightly disappointed whenever we look at it. Because unless Porsche or Volkswagen decides to grow a massive pair of brass bollocks and release a modernized version of the Kettenkrad... we will never feel complete. Fuck it, they can even make it electric for all I care, I just want a Kettenkrad! Is that too much to ask? I know for a fact that the Americans would go bananas over it! There must be some kind of market for it!
My musings aside, dinner was once again take out. Father was in no mood to cook. He was practically buzzing with energy as he paced in the parlor. Plans for his lessons and how to tailor the information to the students, were clearly flying through his mind. He had tried retiring multiple times over the years so he could focus entirely on us. He had felt like he had spent most of his time at work and didn't involve himself in our lives enough. However despite his intentions, his itch to continue working quickly got the better of him each time. We didn't blame him. Teaching and researching historical anthropology was his lifeblood, his reason for being. However, having a child was also something that he had always craved. So when a miracle had happened one August evening and he ended up taking two abandoned children home with him. He had been overjoyed. But no amount of joy could overrule the amount of work children were, especially for one who was as unaccustomed to it as he was. Eventually he had to throw in the towel and admit defeat. He needed help. So, he hired a nanny.
The woman who had so graciously helped him raise us for the first thirteen years of our lives, was a lovely older bird. She didn't even ask for payment, just room and board was enough for her. But father didn't agree, so he always made sure that the monthly household budget included enough for her to buy some treats, clothing or jewelry for herself. She was a lonely woman, her husband having passed before his time at only 65. Her children also rarely visited anymore despite always wanting to make time to. Life is like that, always getting in the way of plans. So when she saw our father had posted an ad in the paper for a live in nanny she jumped at the opportunity to help a struggling single father raise a pair of energetic, hooligan boys. She said that it was just the sort of thing she needed to make her golden years shine once more. There were so many wonderful moments in our lives that were made possible because of her, and so many darker moments that were made bearable simply by her presence. Last year we attended her funeral... she was only seventy six. The doctors during her regular checkups had said she was so healthy that she should have made it into her nineties... but cancer was not known for making exceptions. That was partially why we moved. That house was so full of memories of our Gran...
"Lawrence... Tears won't do you any good. She wouldn't want you to cry. She told you, didn't she? She said she had a full life, that even though we weren't blood... We were her favorite grand children. So don't cry." I wiped my eyes with my sleeve and grabbed a tissue from the box nearby. As I blew into it, Michael came around the corner with a look of concern on his face.
"I heard you sniffling from the other room. What happened? Why are you-" I smiled and brought him into a hug that helped ease the tightness in my chest. Though I'm afraid it only made him all the more worried.
"It was nothing Michael. I was just musing over the day, and about father... and then... I thought about Gran." The hug we shared instantly became twice as tight as he drew me in closer. Michael never admitted it. But her death had affected him most of all. He never liked children our age, so he never really wanted to socialize with them. I still had the need to interact with my peers, so I tired to at least make a honest effort. But there had always been one person who could make him open up. One person who could make him shine like the sun through a misty morning. And that was our Gran. They would talk for hours if time allowed, and about any topic that caught his fancy. From the grand stratagems of generals from throughout history, the scientific discoveries of great minds like Sir Issac Newton, even frivolous things like the thoughts and feelings of characters from fiction. I remember him at seven years old, holding onto his hardback copy of the Hobbit and discussing with her about the chapter, riddles in the dark. Bilbo Baggins had been separated from his dwarf companions and had to play a deadly game of riddles against the wicked and pitiable Gollum. How scared he had been for the hobbit. He had wanted to continue reading and finish the chapter before bed, but the description of that fowl creature had frightened him. He couldn't get the thoughts of its bulbous eyes scanning through the murky darkness out of his head. So even though it was nearly midnight and both of them should have been in bed, he stayed up and spoke with our Gran about it.
"Lawrence... I... I'm sorry about earlier. I know that-" He had nothing to be sorry for! Him thinking about our Gran must have made him feel regret about how rough he had been earlier. But I didn't care about that! I didn't want his apology! So I shoved him into the wall and pinned him there with both my hands on his shoulders. He looked up at me in surprise as I glared at him. My voice came out as a displeased growl as I told him off.
"Stop. If you apologize I will go to bed right now and lock the door behind me. You were just trying to protect me. I know that, but in the moment I was being stubborn and stupid. We are both guilty of it from time to time. But that doesn't mean you did anything wrong. Other people will question your methods, but I never do. You are my brother and you have a duty to try and protect me, even if its from myself. However, I think... I think this time is truly different brother. I don't know how but I just know that Luka will make a great friend! He's nice, wicked observant and he's just freaking weird! I'm certain that even you will like him. If you gave him a chance..." Michael just sighed and cast his eyes down. He still had trust issues. I knew that he could overcome them if he put in some effort, but he seems to be focusing on other things than friendships.
"I... I'll think about it Lawrence. But if you like him then that's all that matters. I really do want you to make friends... but you know me." I sighed and bumped my forehead against his. It was an action that put a small smile on both of our faces.
"I won't make those mistakes again brother. I know that I am too quick to trust but... I really am trying my hardest. I know that I have to keep people at arm's length until I get to know them better. But... like I said... Luka is different. He is kind, like... creepily kind. He went out of his way to try and make a stranger feel better. Like who does that? He is also observant, like a proper psychic or something. He looked at the way I dressed and acted and guessed... He guessed correctly about our skin condition." Michael's eyes widened as he looked at me in surprise. I saw the gears beginning to turn in his head and while I was still in this funk and couldn't tell exactly what he was thinking, there weren't many options. He was probably going to ask if I had showed him.
"Did you show him?" He asked at last, proving my intuition was still sharp. I shook my head slowly but I had a slight smile on my face.
"No, I didn't. But he also realized that our hair was natural as well, and he wasn't freaked out by it! Michael I have such a good feeling about him! He could be our first true friend! Both of us! I'm so excited I could pop!" He chuckled and shook his head at me, a smile dancing upon his lips. Maybe he was just happy for me, maybe I was slowly getting through his barrier against other people. However that soft smile quickly morphed into a wicked grin and his eyes became half lidded as he was about to say something rude.
"I knew it. You're not just gay. You're a massive bottom." I went rigid in surprise as my eyes went wide. What did he just call me? A-a bottom?! My face twisted with embarrassment and indignation. How dare he!? Sure, I may not have a preference when it came to the sex of my eventual partner in love, but to call me a bottom! I growled and pushed myself away from him in disgust. This conversation was officially over. I was going to head to bed. I couldn't believe the gall of my brother. To insult me in such a manner was simply abhorrent! A bottom!
SLAP
I was stunned, my body frozen in place as the stinging sensation rose up from the point of impact. And that point, was my left buttock. He had cupped his left hand and took a step forward to increase the power of his slap. Hitting me squarely on the soft flesh of my rear and sending a jolt up my spine and down to my toes. The worst part wasn't the flinch I made when I felt it impact, it wasn't the stinging of my rump... it was the sound I made when he hit me. My face turned a bright red as I turned to look at him. His wicked grin told me that he had indeed, heard it too.
"Tell me brother... if you're not a bottom... why did you just moan?" I lunged at him but he slipped away as he made a run for it upstairs. He took the stairs two at a time and I followed him just as quickly as we barreled towards our room. He managed to get there a few steps ahead of me and had turned to try and slam the door in my face. However the maneuver had eaten up too much time and now I was too close. The door had only partially closed between us when I bowled into him. Both of us lost balance and fell, at which point we began rolling upon the floor. We grappled with each other. He was on the defensive at first, he tried to fend me off while I tried to get at him. However for all my fire and fury he had cold calculation on his side. Finding a chink in my attack he managed to land a counter and then quickly gained the upper hand. Another five seconds later and I was under him with my back to the floor... He had done more than just gain control of the grapple, he had pinned me.
We were both breathing heavy as the roughhousing came to a stop. I was thoroughly pinned. My legs were held in place at awkward angles, my arms could only slap uselessly at him as he used his weight to lift my hips up and bend my back so I couldn't bring my strength to bear. The only issue was to achieve his dominate hold... he had to pin his pelvis against my rump. We both blinked and took stock of the suggestive position we had found ourselves. I decided now was a good time to admit defeat and get out of this mess before someone, aka our father, caught us like this. It seemed that Michael had the same thought and attempted to release me just as I tried to lift myself up on my elbows to better look at him. With the center of balance shifting so much and our bodies now covered in a thin film of sweat... We both slipped on the slick hardwood flooring of our bedroom. I closed my eyes expecting the painful jarring of his head banging into mine or some other painful collision. But none came. Instead I felt the familiar feeling of his chest pressing into mine, this time however my legs were wrapped around what felt like is hips. I opened my eyes slowly and was met by the carbon copy of my own steel grey eyes looking back at me. He was centimeters away.
"Lawrence, I'm sorry I-" I felt my heart beat frantically as I realized just how close I was to him. Normally I didn't care about personal space, he was my brother, we bathe each other after all... but now after all that talk earlier of Luka possibly taking advantage of me, and now him teasing me calling me a bottom... it must have gone to my head. I blushed as the stray intrusive thought crossed my mind, that there was a man on top of me, pressing his body into mine, looking deep into my eyes and breathing the same air as me. I gulped. I knew that he had begun to speak but the words just fell to deaf ears. In this moment I wasn't myself and he wasn't my brother. I let out a shuddering breath as I closed my eyes and leaned in.
"Boys! I heard crashing, what's going on up there?" We both blushed as we pulled ourselves apart. Thank God that I hadn't done what I was going to do. What was wrong with me, damn it!? Why is everything constantly in flux and won't sit still!? I know that I was the emotional, spontaneous one of the two but it was like that trait of mine had been turned up to eleven!
"We're fine dad! Just a bit of roughhousing! Nothing to worry about!" Michael said as he came in clutch with the save. Father was half way up the stairs when he had called to us. If he had waited any longer...
Lawrence?
I awoke from my dream and screamed out in frustration! I had been so close! If only that damned father of mine hadn't come up the stairs and interrupted me! I would have experienced my first kiss! Maybe even more if that cute boy would have let it go that far. Who cares that he was technically my brother, it was all just a dream anyway. It wasn't like it was real. My feet pounded the yellow, grassy, soil beneath me as I gripped my hands over my hairless head in frustration. It wasn't fair! It wasn't fair! Why did my dream have to end like that!? Was it my subconscious mind telling me that such taboos were not to be broken?! But it was just a damned dream, I should be allowed to do whatever I wanted in a dream! I pouted and sighed as I lay staring up at the cloudless night sky, the moon the only light that shone down in the starless black abyss. Now that I was in a foul mood, I might as well check in on the others and see what they were doing. We had a plan to execute after all didn't we? I don't know what we have been waiting for, for so long. The rest must know what they are doing, or maybe they were just overly cautious. I sighed, stood up from my resting position and placed my hands upon the back of my head as I walked towards the center of our little "home". It wouldn't take long, this place appeared endless but that was just an optical illusion. Mark a spot on the ground and walk in a straight line and in less than an hour you'll be passing the spot you had just marked.
"Are you finally awake?" The question caught me off guard as I spun around to look upon who had spoken. Only then did I realize, that as I spun around and got a good look at my surroundings, I was not at home in my bed. Once again I had awakened in this strange land filled with endless plains of yellow grass. This time however I resolved myself to not be frightened by its denizens, this time I was going to hold my ground and ask questions. But that reminded me, just who had spoken? I turned and continued to scan for the one who had asked me the cryptic question. They were no where to be found. With a sigh and a furrowed brow I turned back around to continue walking in the direction I had apparently been headed. Why was I going this way again? That part was hard to remember. I looked down towards my feet as I took a few steps, my mind working hard to try and recall any information at all. That is when, however, I ran headlong into something. Or more precisely, someone.
"You never answered my question, are you finally awake?" I looked up from my new position on the ground, I had fallen onto my ass after having ran headlong into the speaking person. The one who I gazed upon was surprisingly small. Well, relatively speaking of course. When previously in this place I had encountered a wolf roughly the size of a skyscraper... a human sized person was tiny. And they were human sized, in fact, they seemed to be almost exactly my height. Their skin, if it could be called that, had the appearance and maybe even the texture of porcelain. Their limbs and body was akin to that of a ball jointed doll who had yet to be dressed or had paint applied. Their eyes seemed to be made of glass and the murky steel grey of their irises sent a chill up my spine. They were completely hairless, lacking genitalia or secondary reproductive organs such as nipples, and as they spoke it was an uncanny valley facsimile of human musculature at work. It was as if someone had installed an advanced animatronic face onto this doll and that face allowed it to reproduce the required movements to aid in delivering the physical and visual emotional components of human speech.
"I beg your pardon? Am I awake? I appear to be, unless this whole place is actually a dream, then I suppose I could be asleep." The strange doll's face slowly formed an expression that could only really be considered disappointment. With a shake of its head it turned around and simply walked off. How utterly strange. Was the answer that I had given somehow insufficient? What had it meant by, are you awake? If I recall correctly, that is the opposite of the response the wolf had had when I first arrived here. He, or I assume it was a he, the voice was certainly masculine enough, had said, "you've finally awakened." But this doll, who's voice was also masculine but in a markedly softer, more boyish way, had asked "am I awake?". The wolf had seemed... Pleased? I suppose that was the correct word for it. He had seemed pleased with the outcome. But the doll had been disappointed. Did those two have vastly different criteria for what "awake" even meant? This place was making less and less sense by the minute. I had been so confused by the line of questioning that I hadn't even realized that, I had forgotten to ask it, or he, their name. They seemed to recognize me and yet I couldn't even recall a single thing about them. Maybe that, was the difference. Maybe the wolf was asking if I had physically awakened, and the doll was asking if I had awakened mentally, or more precisely, could remember them. That panic attack, for a lack of a better explanation as to what it was, had shown me countless memories and emotions so quickly that I couldn't even retain them. Maybe... that was what it was. It was supposed to be me "awakening" to something. I don't know to what, nor could I even guess.
"What the bloody hell is even going on!? Why am I waking up in this strange world of grass and endless horizon? Why am I experiencing these weird sensations that are making no sense? Why am I the only one who is going through this? What of my brother? Why can I not at least have him by my side experiencing all this with me, so that I am not alone as well as lost!? What the hell does everyone mean by awakened!? Oh won't someone rid me of this fowl ignorance! I want answers damn it!" I will admit... I had lost my patience. I didn't like cryptic nonanswers, I don't think anyone does, but I especially so. So I ended up screaming my frustration out at the void in hopes of some kind of response. After all that doll like entity seemed to pop in and out of reality, almost as if this was simply one layer of this hell like dimension I had found myself in.
"Answers indeed, I have them all if you have the questions, and what are the questions for these answers?" A cold, razor sharp, shiver ran up my spine as I heard a voice, once more, behind me. I spun about and was greeted by the fright inducing visage of the spider creature mere meters away. Its head was the size of a large family home and it's mouth could easily swallow a bus. It's multitude of eyes stared at me, unblinking, in their insectoid nature. I was frozen, my heart pounded in my ears like drums before a battle, my breathing began to reach a quickness that threatened hyperventilation. I was fighting down panic.
"Oh, does our darling little brother still not recognize their older sister? I'm sure you are simply frightened, which you have no need to be. That fear you feel is merely the weakness of your humanity holding back your apotheosis! Cast it aside dear brother, fear no longer, and join us once more. Join us, so that you may fulfill the role that destiny has prepared for you. Hm-hm-hm, and I must say, I know a thing or two about destiny." Her smile and soft chuckle sent another shiver down my spine. But her words were doing wonders at pulling me out of the frozen state I had found myself in. Fear was being replaced by curiosity.
"Destiny? What destiny? I am but a boy, a mere manling of 15 years of age. What destiny could I have that involves mighty creatures of legend such as yourselves? I am no hero, so there is no way that I may concur you, nor even be your equal. Yet you call me brother? Why? Oh great spider, please tell me! Tell me so that I may cast aside this ignorance and everything may make sense once more." I couldn't help it. Her words held the dramatic nature as if she was an actor on some gargantuan stage, I was swept up in the moment and too found myself speaking in such a manner.
"Ha! Your destiny is one that is greater than all of ours combined, yet you downplay your importance by claiming you are merely a boy. Your ignorance must be great if you cannot recall even why you were born. You are one of us, one of our kin, born anew in a human body, so that you may perform your destiny. Freeing. Us. All." Her words split my mind like an axe through wood. My heart stopped, my breathing ceased, and my eyes no longer saw the world before me.
"Your sins are unforgivable. Your betrayal of our trust and of our ideals, goes beyond anything we could have ever expected from you! There is no atonement that can be had, no forgiveness that can be earned. You will be banished, your names will be stripped from you, and you will be forgotten into obscurity until the star that circles this planet consumes you in its death throes." I gasped, my vision returning as I now found myself upon my knees.
"Did you have a vision? A premonition of the future or a memory of the past? Do tell. Tell your dear older sister." My breathing was heavy as I tried to regain my composure. My fingers running through my hair as I sat back upon my haunches. Those words cut through me like a rusted, dull, knife, leaving behind a jagged painful feeling in my chest.
"Someone... claimed that you... that we... committed terrible sins. That we were betrayers and that we were to be banished. Who... who was that? What sins did we commit to make us hated so?" I looked up into the eyes of the spider, only to notice that she was drawing herself backwards, away from me. My brow furrowed as I opened my mouth to speak, I needed to know the answer. It was then that I heard a sound behind me once more. This sound was breathing; deep, loud, and masculine in its timbre. Glancing back I spied the massive paw of the wolf behind me as I heard a long inhale of breath.
"The sin of simply rebelling against those who would enslave us. And because we had the audacity to fight back against tyranny... We were deemed traitors, betrayers, and heretics. The only sin we have committed... is the sin of defeat." His words filled me with a sensation of anger. Not the hot rage of violence, nor the cool fury of revenge. No, it was the impotent anger of having been robbed of something dear.
"So... My destiny is to free you all... free us all from this prison? To cut the shackles that bind us, that keep us locked away, and forgotten? And to achieve this goal I needed to be reborn as human? Then... my brother also was born to serve the same role?" The wolf nodded slowly as it blinked its eyes languidly. He did not speak, but the nod was enough.
"But... I fear that my brother has yet to awaken such as I. Do we require the both of us? Or is it a matter where only one is required but you sent both to ensure success?" The wolf smiled and seemed like he was about to answer but was wracked by a mighty yawn.
"I do apologize, but we tire easily. Our strength is not what it once was. But now that you are awake, you may help us regain it. And to answer your question. It's... complicated. To tell the truth, it's a bit of both." Of course, I had a feeling that it would be something like that, but to hear it aloud and confirmed helped me to understand fully without having to infer knowledge.
"So if my brother and I are both required to free us all, then what is it that I alone can achieve? Surely there is something." The wolf's eyes were half lidded as it rested its head on its paws. His voice was slow, even and restful, almost as if trying not to fall asleep.
"There is. We have been stripped of our identity. Who we are, what we are, all that makes us a symbol in the eyes of mortals... We have been denied that. The ones who took our names and the name of what we are... also cursed us with an evil spell. We cannot come up with new names, nor can we ever remember our old names. So new names must be given to us. By a human. But if a human ever knew our names then they may also learn how to control us. Enslaving us once again. That is one of the reasons why you were reborn human. So that you may name us, and by naming us give us back our power which you may borrow to further our goal of escape." My eyes widened as that made complete sense to my mind. Many of the old mythologies spoke of the concept of true names. A name that gave untold control over otherworldly beings. Some even spoke of creatures who were born without names and if named by a human they became bound to them.
"And it's not just your name and the name of our brethren but the name of our very kind as well? That is so unfortunate. And if it is I who must name you all then I will do so. But it will take time. I do not simply want to call you something simple or stupid like Bob or Steve. They need to be good names, proper names. Names that will inspire awe in those that hear it and strike fear in those that would work against our freedom." My eyes closed as I began to think. Oh I wish I had my father's library before me. I could pull so many great and wondrous names from the pages of mythology and historical texts. What treasures I could pull. But as I thought... I began to realize that I still had no memory of who my newfound brethren were, what they could do, or even their personalities. But I did know one thing. A burning, radiating, swelling feeling in my chest rose up as I concentrated on that one core bit of knowledge. We were banished and imprisoned for our sins. We were cast out from heaven for our open rebellion against those who thought they were our betters. We were fallen... and there was only one name I, or any person who studied the least bit of the hierarchy of angels and demonology could ascribe to us.
"A human must name us, and must name our kind. I am that human. And I have chosen a name." I felt that feeling building within me, like my very soul had been set ablaze with power and radiated it into the world around. I felt light as a feather and yet as dense as tungsten. As hard as a diamond and yet as supple as silk. My whole body was shaking as the weight of the name upon my tongue threatened to crush me.
"We are... The Nephilim."