Chapter 48: Knock Knock, Who's Loud?
Zach is bouncing high in the air, laughing with each jump.
"This idea's too good." Rusty commented. Lincoln and Clyde struggle under the weight of a bag of gelatin.
"A triumph, Rusty." Clyde said.
Zach is seen bouncing on a diving board, where there's a pool under it. The boys were in Rusty's backyard.
"Slow down, Tarzan." Rusty said. "We're not ready yet."
"This lime-flavored gelatin should replicate the look and feel of a real ocean." Clyde assured. He poured it into the water.
"I can't see, is it done yet?" Rusty asked.
"Yeah, cause we're ready for a swim." Lincoln is now wearing swim trunks, and so is Zach.
Clyde read the directions. "The directions state it takes fifteen minutes for the–"
"Fifteen minutes? It's supposed to be instant gelatin." Rusty complained. "What a rip!"
Rusty pushed Clyde into the pool wall. The wall around the water shook.
"RUN!" Rusty yelled. As Rusty, Clyde, and Lincoln do so, the wall collapses, revealing a giant, square gelatin pool.
"Jiggly." Zach commented. The other boys return.
"I smell cash, boys." Rusty said excitedly. "Every kid on the block will want to cool off in this stuff! Tell me, am I drooling?"
"Cannonball!" Zach dived in and sunk to the bottom. There he stayed, held in place by the gelatin.
"I must have overestimated the viscosity of the gelatin." Clyde mentioned.
"The coolest idea in the world! Gone." Rusty lamented.
"Guys, look." Lincoln and the two saw Zach sucking in all the gelatin. He then grinned and let the green goop stream out from the gaps between his teeth.
"Well, I think I'll skip lunch today." Clyde said, feeling disgusted.
"Glutton." Rusty commented at Zach.
Lincoln's room is decorated with banners and posters announcing a monster movie marathon. Rusty read them. "Marathon? Don't miss? All day movie? Lincoln, what's up with all these signs?"
"To remind me not to forget." Lincoln said.
"How to read comics in your undies?" Rusty jokes.
"No, the monster movie marathon." Lincoln showed his friends a TV guide.
"Movie marathon?" They said in unison.
"How did I not know about this?" Zach wondered.
"Eight hours of horror movies!" Lincoln said excitedly.
"Cool!" His friends were excited as well.
"Count me in!" Rusty said.
"To the living room!" Zach said and the boys dashed downstairs, and onto the couch. Zach got on the couch first, then Rusty, then Clyde who jumped onto Rusty.
"Get off me!" Rusty pushed him off.
"Wait guys, we need snacks!" Lincoln said.
"Yeah, I could go for a snack." Clyde agreed.
"To the kitchen!" Zach said. The boys head to the fridge.
"Monster movies need a monster snack." Rusty said. "Where's the mayo, Lincoln? Look out, Mr. Comfy."
Ed plunged his eyes into a donut to make himself look like a cyclops. "Monster sandwich!"
"Let's add some salami!" Zach said.
"Ooh, and garbanzo paste!" Clyde added.
"Uh, you're kidding, right?" Rusty said.
"Lincoln!" Lola yelled as she entered the kitchen with her friend, Roxanne. "Get out of the kitchen!"
"Oh hey, it's Miss Loudmouth." Rusty said mockingly.
"I have a guest! So get lost!" The pageant girl threatened.
"But I have guests too!" Lincoln pointed out. "We have a movie to watch and we were here first!"
"Yeah, we're not going anywhere!" Rusty said.
"You're leaving right now!" Lola ordered.
Clyde got nervous. "Guys, maybe we should-"
"No! I've got a bread stick and I'm not afraid to use it!" Rusty got out a breadstick and used it as a sword. Lola's face turned red and snorted like a mad bull.
"Rusty, need I remind you of Lola's instability and lack of rational thought!" Clyde pointed out. An angry Lola leapt at the boys with a growl.
"RAWRR!"
The boys are sent flying out the front door and land in a pile.
"Wait'll I get my hands on that shrimp!" Rusty was about to run back in, but Lola slammed the door shut and locked it. "Unlock this door, Lola!"
Lola knocked on the window to attract his attention and then made faces at him. She then drew the curtains.
"Why you little–Lincoln, your sister locked us out."
"I've gotta see that movie!" Lincoln ran to the backyard door, but Lola locked that door too. "Dang it!" He ran back to the front yard. "I have to see the movie, guys!"
"I've had it!" Rusty said frustrated. "Those twerps will regret the day they messed with this brainpower." Rusty tapped his forehead.
"I believe we'll all be sorry for that, Rust." Zach said.
Lola and Roxanne are watching tv in the house.
"Hmm, I wonder if Lincoln and his friends are trying to get back in." Lola said. Lola used a glass to listen through the door. Outside, a wagon is being wheeled to the house. We then see the boys are in an enclosed space, presumably on the wagon.
"Rusty, I think my leg's asleep." Zach said.
"Your head's asleep, Zach." Rusty replied. Atop the wagon is a giant doll made of cardboard. Inside, Lola is balancing Roxanne on her shoulders so that Roxanne can look out a window in the door.
"Do you see those boneheads, Roxanne?" Lola asked.
Roxanne looked at the doll. "Lola! Santa's come early!" The door is unlocked. "It's so life-sized!"
She noticed a string. "A talking dolly!" She pulled the string.
"Say something, Lincoln!" Rusty said from inside the doll.
"Uh, hey there kiddo!" Lincoln said.
"Hey, that voice sounds familiar." Lola said with suspicion, before she realized whose voice it was. "Come on Roxanne, we'll have lots of fun with our new dolly."
She started to wheel it away.
"What saps! What suckers!" Rusty commented.
"Please move your foot, Lincoln." Clyde said as Lincoln's foot was on Clyde's head. The doll moved in the front door, through the house, and out the back door. Lola then pushed it somewhere and left it.
"We're in!" Rusty said. "Movie, Lincoln."
Lincoln kicked the doll's head off. "Movie time!"
"What's up, Linc?" Rusty asked.
The wagon is balanced on top of a lamppost.
"We're not in the house, guys!" Lincoln informed them.
"What the-" Rusty said before the wagon tilted and fell off. The four boys lie among the wreckage.
"Let's just watch the movie somewhere else." Clyde groaned.
"My TV is on the fritz." Rusty stated.
"Well my dads are having their own marathon." Clyde said.
"And I don't wanna ruin the plot." Zach said, breaking the fourth wall.
"I think I know where we can watch the marathon." Lincoln mentioned.
A banging is heard on Mr. Grouse's door. Mr. Grouse answered it. "I've got a doorbell, you know."
Rusty was frantic. "Mr. Grouse, am I glad you're home! Um, you passed First Aid, right? Good! It's bad, man. There's not much time."
"What's bad, kid?" Mr. Grouse noticed his yard. "My yard!"
The old man's yard has indeed been destroyed. There is a huge ditch running through the middle strewn with a broken tree and numerous household implements. At the end of the ditch is a makeshift plane. "What did you rascals do to my yard?!"
Clyde does a poor job of acting. "Oh, the tragedy! Lincoln, my friend, speak to me!"
"Lincoln was flying! Skywriting! When he ran out! Of. Syllables!" Rusty explained.
Lincoln is being dragged from the wreckage by Zach and Clyde. "Ow! My liver. Ow! My spleen."
"Good acting, Lincoln." Zach said quietly.
"Thanks."
Rusty continued to explain the story. "He flew in reverse! To erase a spelling mistake. And crash! In your yard. It was hideous. If only he had landed on his head."
Lincoln is being dragged up to Mr. Grouse. "Ow! My fingernails. Ow! My skin. Ow! Hi Mr. Grouse."
"Look at his legs." Zach said.
"Ohh, the pain! The pain!"
"They're boneless!" Rusty stated. "We better take him to your TV room. To heal."
Mr. Grouse wasn't buying it. "Get off my lawn." He went back inside.
"Nice job, Brando." Rusty said sarcastically.
"I need my monster movie!" Lincoln whined.
The boys are at Liam's farm. The doorbell rang and the farm boy answered it.
"Howdy fellas."
"Hey Liam." Lincoln greeted. "Come in? Watch TV? Sure, but we can't stay long. Now where's that T–"
Liam stopped him. "Hold it. Y'all don't have permission to enter mah house."
"My, what interesting antiquities, Liam." Clyde scanned the furniture, which is all wrapped in plastic. "Old World Colonial? That's an interesting piece."
He is pointing to a sculpture of a sheep inside a jar.
"Come and sit." Liam said. "Let me tell you about mah Great Grandfather's urn. A brave and proud cowboy he was. His ashes still protect the land."
Liam shook the urn, and ashes fell, as though the urn is a snow globe. Rusty sits in a chair.
"Why's there plastic on this chair, Liam? To keep it fresh or something?" Rusty slid off the chair.
"Sit down, Rusty!" Liam said annoyed.
Clyde is seated on a stool. "Your great-grandfather sounds like a great man, Liam."
Liam continued his story. "As the great grandson, I was chosen to travel through the Southern desert with my great grandfather. It was a difficult journey for us."
Zach is staring at Liam's family photos, one of them is Liam as a baby, being held by his me-maw. Liam saw Zach not sitting down.
"Zach, sit down! Mah patience is thin, and your head is fat!"
Lincoln spotted a television cabinet across the room. "Guys, a TV!"
"Bingo." Rusty said.
Liam is acting out his story. "Through the windy weather, we traveled the desert riding' horses, Ol Betty and Whatshisname."
"Monster movie, Lincoln?" Rusty and Lincoln bounced their chairs towards the television. Liam is still telling his tale.
"Then we came across a giant one eyed rooster. No joke. It looked at me like a sandwich." Liam noticed Lincoln, Rusty, and Zach. "Am I boring you?"
"Nah, we gotta go to the bathroom." Rusty said.
"We?" Clyde questioned. "Together at once?"
Liam held the door open for his friends. "The rooster gurgled loudly like my father after eating cabbage!"
"Yes, yes, one moment!" Clyde shut the door and faced the boys. "If I have to listen to any more of that story I'm gonna lose it!"
"There's gotta be another way to that TV." Rusty said. "There! Look."
He pointed straight up to an open vent.
Clyde began to protest. "A bathroom vent? Do you know what bacteria adhere to–" Lincoln dragged him over. "Wait!"
"Come on Clyde, I gotta see that movie!" Lincoln stuffed him through the vent. The boys crawled through the vent.
"This way, hurry!" Rusty ordered.
Liam is still telling his story at the door. "Mah grandfather bit the rooster and we had to hogtie it."
In the vent, Clyde got stuck. "Guys, I'm stuck!"
"Me too!" Rusty said.
"So am I!" Zach said.
"Lincoln, give us a push!" Rusty said.
Lincoln pushes his friends out a vent that lies right in front of the TV.
"TV! Movie!" Lincoln said joyfully. He hauled the cabinet doors open.
"Cyclops!" The boys said simultaneously. Lincoln opened the doors to reveal a TV with an incredibly small screen, maybe an inch diagonally. The rest of the machine is ancient, including a four-way channel selector and a gigantic power switch.
Lincoln squinted. "What is this? I can't see it. Is that a TV?"
"It's so tiny." Zach remarked.
"No kidding." Rusty commented.
"Liam's television seems dated." Clyde said. "I'm sure this activates it."
He pulled the switch. Suddenly, the floor began to shake. The cabinet moved away from the wall. Suddenly, the tiny screen lit up with static.
"Where's the movie?" Zach wondered.
"Relax, will ya? It's just the wrong channel." Rusty said. He fiddled with the tuner.
"That! That's it." Lincoln pointed out.
"This? This is the-" Rusty was pushed out of the way by Lincoln.
"This is where the cyclops blinks his victims to death."
"It's not even in color!" Zach complained.
"I still ache from digging up Mr. Grouse's yard." Rusty mentioned.
"Even from this distance, the production values look remarkably cheap." Clyde stated.
Rusty leaves. "Come on, let's get more gelatin."
"Coming, Lincoln?" Clyde asked. The white haired boy shushed him.
"Come on Lincoln, this movie stinks." Rusty said.
Lincoln turned to face his friends, suddenly becoming fierce. "Movie good for Lincoln!"
"...Lighten up dude, I was just-"
"Shut up! Sit down!"
Lincoln's friends took their seats on stools. Lincoln turned back to the movie happily. Then Liam appeared. "There you fellers are."
"Ssh!" Lincoln said.
The southern boy joined Lincoln at the TV. "Hey, that creature reminds me of the one eyed rooster from mah story. Boy, what a resemblance."
Lincoln sat Liam on a stool. "No more talking."
Liam turned to Clyde. "How long must we sit?"
Clyde looked a little sick. "It's an eight-hour marathon."
"Good thing we already went to the bathroom." Rusty grumbled.
"I said QUIET!" Lincoln yelled and then returned back to his movie. "SNACKS!"