"Lizzy?"
Jane's soft voice reached her ears, and Elizabeth closed her eyes.
"I'm sorry, Jane," she whispered, her voice hoarse. "I had not meant for you to see me like this."
"Oh Lizzy, shhh, what was it? Lady Bowes wants us back at the party, not... loitering in closets." Jane opened further the small room that Lizzy had hidden herself in, barely more than a boot room. "Oh your eyes, Lizzy-"
Jane reached for a handkerchief and dabbed delicately at Elizabeth's cheeks.
"It is just... all too much," Elizabeth admitted, her shoulders shaking. "I know I shouldn't cry. I know it. And yet here I am, and there you are, having to tend to me, when you should be out there, impressing those fine young gentlemen-"
Rude young gentlemen, more's the like.
And completely incorrect. How could anyone look at Jane and declare her to be anything but the loveliest vision in all of England?
"Lizzy," Jane's voice was gentle, but firm. "You're trembling."
"I'll be well. It's just, the thought of having to go out there, and face that man, and act as if I hadn't heard him-"
"What did he say?" Jane asked, searching Elizabeth's face with her gaze. "And what man?"
"Mr. Darcy, he-" She couldn't tell her sister. Not when it would cut Jane to her very core. No, she would not. "He said something in jest, about my being a simple country miss. I don't know why it cut me so deeply, but it did. And Miss Bingley, she is horrid, isn't she? Of I cannot abide any of them. Hertfordshire might be a place for the unrefined, but at least we have manners!"
"He never," gasped Jane, and then she sighed. "Miss Bingley is perhaps... not the best of Society. But we can't let her affect us."
"How can you stand her?" Elizabeth's lip curled. "So vile."
"It is not easy, but Lizzy... we should go back out there. Now your cheeks are dry, let's show them all, we are Bennets. We are stronger than they know, and cleverer than they believe." Jane twined her fingers between Elizabeth's, the warmth of her grasp sinking into Elizabeth's gloves. "I am with you, and while we are together, nothing can hurt us."
Elizabeth felt her sister's strength, and the warmth of her love, and knew she would always have her family at her side, no matter what.
"I am glad that you're here with me," she murmured, squeezing Jane's hand. "You have always been a support."
"As have you."
They stood in the quiet together for a few more minutes, as Lizzy's cheeks dried, and the iron will that lived inside of her began to harden.
How could Mr. Darcy have spoken of them so, of her so? Who was he to pass judgement on them so easily?
"What are you thinking, Lizzy?" Jane asked, a nervous laugh tucked into her voice.
Elizabeth regarded her sister with a sort of vague expression. Jane was much too gentle to bring into her current line of thought, and too kind. No, Lizzy would not discuss with her sweet older sister the internal sense of vengeance she was feeling, or the hungry desire for justice of a young woman wronged.
Jane didn't need to trouble herself with what Lizzy was contemplating.
For the last few weeks, Elizabeth had been entirely unlike herself, and if anything, she had Mr. Darcy to thank for shaking it out of her. Shrinking from public appearances, and social events? Her? What had come over her.
Clearly some sort of foul mood, misplaced based on fears of Jane's heartbreak in the past repeating itself.
But that would not come to be if she shook herself out now, in this moment, and went back and looked Mr. Darcy in the eye to let him know that he did not frighten her, that his judgement was nothing to her.
She could not help Jane find her match and true lasting happiness if she shrank up like a wall-flower.
"I feel as if I have almost misstepped," she said, and Jane appeared to relax as Lizzy gave her a calm, focused smile. "But never mind, it is in the past. Let's return to the room, and show them how strong the Bennet can be."
Together, they walked from the closet, back down the hall, and to the party.
Elizabeth kept her gaze focused on her aunt, standing next to the Dowager Marchioness. Mrs. Gardiner welcomed them both with a smile.
"You both present such a picture," she complimented them, and the two of them dipped into low curtsies, thanking her. Lady Bowes exchanged a look with Mrs. Gardiner.
"With such an upbringing, I cannot imagine what they would achieve if they had been properly appointed a governess at the right time. Already so accomplished in their comportment with little to recommend to them in the way of tutelage. I am impressed," Lady Bowes murmured, keeping her voice low for only the three of them to hear.
Such high praise from such an esteemed woman! It further reminded Elizabeth that this was their one chance, and only chance, to make their mark on London Society. She would not shrink against the wall again, or shy away from conversation with her social betters.
For Jane.
For Lizzy's own pride and self-worth. She would not.
"Thank you, m'lady," Elizabeth said demurely, "we are in raptures of gratitude for the great boon you've bestowed on us, and we can only hope to live up to your expectations in every possible way."
The marchioness gazed upon her with a pleased expression, apparently delighted at the prettiness of Elizabeth's return of compliment.
"Nicely done, my girl," she replied, and Lizzy felt her cheeks warm under the praise. "Such skill will serve you well in the salons, balls, and other entertainments of the Season." She cast a discerning eye on Jane, who was wondering at her younger sister before realizing she was being watched. "There is someone further I wish to introduce you to," she said, catching the attention of an older couple, as they came toward them. "May I present Miss Bennet, and Miss Elizabeth Bennet?"
Lizzy was astonished to find that the man was the Earl of Matlock, and his wife, the countess. They both were pleasant and kind, asking the girls how they liked the city, and if they were enjoying the beginnings of the Season.
"But there is the butler. We'll go in." Lady Bowes stepped away from the three of them and all eyes were immediately on the formidable older woman.
"Let's go in, shall we?" She cast her glance toward Mr. Darcy, whom to Lizzy's eyes, straightened his shoulders.
Elizabeth realized with a start that he had been looking at her, unbeknownst to her entirely.
The dowager offered her hand out, and immediately Mr. Darcy was there to take it.
"Colonel Fitzwilliam," she said, looking toward Mr. Darcy's cousin. "Won't you accompany Miss Elizabeth Bennet in?"
Mr. Darcy's shoulders stiffened, and Lizzy imagined he was quite put out that someone as hock-faced as her would be on the arm of his cousin, but she decided to make a play of it.
Anything to stick it into Mr. Darcy's craw and remind him that while he might be the man, she still had her own power, and she would not allow him to take all joy and happiness from her with his mean-spirited words.
"Colonel Fitzwilliam," Elizabeth said demurely with a curtsey as he approached her and offered to take her in to supper. Jane, poor unfortunate, was stuck with Miss Bingley's brother, Mr. Bingley, and once they were all sat around the table, Lizzy noticed with satisfaction that Miss Bingley was seated rather further down the table, even a little beyond what fashion would dictate given her supposed role in society.
The Dowager did not seem to care, having apparently arranged things to her own satisfaction, keeping Mrs. Gardiner and her two nieces close, signaling not so silently that they were to be respected as they were under her honor guard.
From the sour milk expression on Miss Bingley's face, this has not gone unnoticed by her.
Across the table, Lizzy watched Mr. Darcy from under her lashes, wanting to know if he had taken any awareness to the hidden messages in the Dowager Marchioness's seating arrangements, but he sat in a stupid manner, silent and still.
"I am pleased to know you, Colonel Fitzwilliam," Elizabeth said, turning to her dinner partner, and was pleased to find that all her charms had not entirely died away while she'd dithered herself into worry over the Season.
He returned her smile, eagerly.
"Some of my acquaintances have stationed in Meryton, so I am familiar with the place," he replied, "tell me, is that drafty old pile of stone, Netherfield, still available for let? I hear it has at least a library to recommend it, if nothing else."
He was familiar with Meryton, and Netherfield too, a welcome surprise to her, and her reaction was to laugh. Across the table, she saw Mr. Darcy furrow his brow almost imperceptibly, but the movement in his expression was there.
"I'm sure it has much more to recommend it than just the library, but yes, it hasn't been let in ages, which is a great disappointment to my Mama, for she loves to entertain new society whenever such should come to our corner of Hertfordshire," she said swiftly. The Colonel's eyes twinkled.
"I should think we would all starve if not for accommodating mamas around the country, eager for good conversation and new connections. I do find they put on the very best of spreads, if you don't mind my saying so, and I feel no shame in indulging myself as often as possible in their company." Colonel Fitzwilliam winked at her, winked! She had to put her hand to her lips to hide the laughter, and if she wasn't mistaken, Mr. Darcy's mouth tugged down into a frown.
So he didn't want his cousin speaking so freely to her? That wasn't something she wished to bother herself with. She was free to speak with Colonel Fitzwilliam as she liked, as long as it were proper, and under the watchful gaze of both her aunt, and her sponsor.
And Mr. Darcy could suck on that rotten egg until his eyes crossed.
A footman came and placed bowls of soup in front of them, the delicate scent of chestnut rising from the vessel and perfuming the air.
"We're in for a delight," Fitzwilliam said, "the cook here is most excellent I have heard, and has quite the hand with delicacies, especially the fruit ices."
Lizzy snuck a glance at her sister, Jane, who had much enjoyed fruit ices on the few occasions they had come across that treat, usually on trips with Mrs. Gardiner and their uncle. Lizzy anticipated seeing her sister in quiet raptures over it, and was privately gleeful at every ounce of joy the two Bennets were wringing out of the evening.
Given that even the thought of her having a grand time seemed to drive Mr. Darcy further into despair, she delighted in it. She was not cruel, but since he had been, she saw no need to hold herself back from enjoying his private torment.
She sipped at her soup, and found Fitzwilliam was correct. It was excellent, a light nutty flavor that filled her with warmth.
If this was a sign of things to come… she sighed quietly with contentment. Excellent conversation, delicious food, Jane looking quite pleased with her dinner companion, and both Miss Bingley and Mr. Darcy altogether put out.
It was shaping up to be a very fine evening indeed.
Apologies for the late upload, I have been quite ill and ended up in hospital. :(
I am so pleased to announce that Duty and Desire is now available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Apple iBooks, and more, just search for 'Nora Kipling - Duty and Desire'! You may purchase it right away or wait for a new chapter to be uploaded here. Thank you for all your loving support.
- Nora