Here is a parody of-Tinker Ed. Requested by Xavier328. I wanted to do this last
request so Ch 52 will be the last chapter.
Zach is sitting at a table in the library, reading a book entitled "Mind Control: A Prepubescents Guide." Rusty is sitting next to him, and he has fallen asleep while reading some book. At another table, Liam and Chandler are doing their homework. Lisa's voice wafted over as she read a story to her friend Darcy.
"The little fairy, so little was she, her boat fit snugly inside a pea."
"Inside a pea? Dreamy!" Darcy said with fascination.
"She sailed to the fairy kingdom in the clouds, past the diamond stairwell through a garden of doves."
Chandler wrote. "Garden...of...doves." He does a double-take, realizing he screwed up his homework.
Darcy pointed out the window. "Oh look, Lisa! I think I see her boat!"
"Pipe down!" Chandler told the two girls. "If I don't finish this stupid geography essay, I'm off the dodgeball team!"
Lisa just ignored him and read loudly. "She turned and waved Mindy the Mermaid goodbye! Fluttered her wings and flew into the sky!"
"Little am I, but I sure can fly! Try to keep up with me, try try try!" Lisa and Darcy said in unison.
Darcy ran around. She jumped on Chandler's table, scattering the homework, then ran around the library. "I'm flying! Whee!"
A geography textbook hits her on the back of the head. Chandler retrieved his book. "Grow up, squirt. All that fairy tale stuff's a load of baloney."
"Fairy tales are not a load of baloney! They're real, golly gosh! You'll see! You'll see!" Darcy stormed off.
Liam suspiciously looked at his pack. He picked it up, and a container of sliced bologna fell out. He put the meat back in and looked around. "How is it that the others know of my load of bologna?"
He looked around suspiciously.
Lynn, Leni, and Luan are walking home from their school.
"So the teacher was thinking I should become a cheerleader." Lynn told her sisters. "Me? A cheerleader?"
"I'd be a cheerleader." Leni said.
"You've definitely got the spirit, Leni." Luan commented.
Then Lynn noticed Darcy sitting on a rug on the grass. "Hey, isn't that Lisa's friend?"
"Wait and see, Mr. Yum Yum." Darcy said to her stuffed animal. "When my magic carpet flies, like this book says it can, that meanie will know once and for all that fairy tales do exist. Oh, you might need this." She gave the toy a barf bag. "I'll fly right through his window."
Lynn sneaked over and shook the carpet in the air. "HEY ALI BABA! LOOK OUT! IT'S FLYING! ALL MAGIC LIKE! WATCH OUT!" She dropped the carpet.
"Awwwwwww…" Leni picked up the toddler. "Don't count your beans before they hatch, little fella."
She put Darcy's turban back on and walked away, signaling to Luan that Darcy is crazy.
"Oh, Leni! Not you too!" Darcy cried. "Fairy tales do exist! Pixies, mermaids, and unicorns are real! WAAAHHH!" Her tears fell on a picture, and the cheap ink melted off the page.
Lynn pushed the book away as she became sympathetic. "Hey, buddy. It's all right. Turn that frown upside down. Don't let that jerk bring you down. Just so happens, I saw a unicorn in the woods this very morning, Darcy my girl."
Darcy got excited. "You did, Lisa's sister? Really?"
"It's Lynn. Whaddya say you and me go see it?"
"Ooh Ooh!" Darcy nodded.
"Yes, of course! That's a great idea, Lynn!" Luan agreed. "That would certainly make Darcy-I mean, whoever this jerk is, see the truth in fairy tales."
Luan and Lynn smiled, and Darcy hugged them.
"Thank you." Darcy said softly.
"No problem, kiddo."
"Don't forget me, kids." Leni squeezes into the hug.
"Why don't you meet me in the woods in an hour?" Lynn suggested.
"With bells on my toes!" Darcy scurried off.
"Lynn, that was a very, very sweet thing to do for young Darcy." Luan said, touched by Lynn's act of kindness.
"I'm so proud of you!" Leni added.
"That's just the kind of guy I am, guys." Lynn said. "I'm all heart."
Luan began to sing randomly. "Beans, beans, they're good for your heart, the more you eat the more you-"
"Shut up, Luan!" Lynn said in annoyance.
Liam is dragging his sack of bologna down the street when Chandler pulls up next to him.
"Hey farm boy, what's in the bag? Lots of homework tonight, huh."
Liam got nervous. "Yes, homework. I have much–homework. Certainly not a load of baloney, no no."
Chandler looked at him silently.
"We have finished talking, goodbye!" Liam ran off.
Lynn, using a hockey stick as a machete, leads Darcy through the woods. Darcy followed nervously. Suddenly she tripped.
"Look out for those gold-dusted unicorn hoofprints!" Lynn warned.
Darcy has indeed tripped over marks left behind by horseshoes. She followed the trail. "Be still my beating heart! Am I schvitzing? I AM! I AM, LYNN!"
Lynn stopped Darcy. "Quiet, you'll scare it."
Darcy looked at a hill. Over the rise came the figure of a majestic unicorn. "Fairy tales are real!"
"Hold up! I could've sworn I had some rare unicorn food around here somewhere. Oh looky! A magical unicorn cracker!" Lynn held it up.
"Ooh!"
"Only a quarter."
Darcy paid.
"Feed the unicorn, Darcy!"
Darcy rushed up to the unicorn. Up close, it is obvious that the unicorn was a fake; in fact, the rainbow and mushrooms around it are poorly made props. Darcy doesn't notice, though; she climbed on the unicorn's back and hugged it.
Lynn tried to pull Darcy off. "Hey hey hey! Relax there, slugger!"
"But I haven't fed him yet!"
"Hugging costs extra!"
The seams on the unicorn's neck gave, and Darcy fell onto Lynn. The head came off and landed in front of Darcy.
"AAAAAHHH!" A shocked Darcy looked at the unicorn. Leni's head is poking out of its neck. As she watched, the tail got ripped off, and Luan popped out.
"Gracious, Leni!" Luan complained as she gasped for air. "Did you have to try your new perfume now?" Then she noticed Darcy.
"AAAAAHHH! That meanie was right! Fairy tales aren't true!" Darcy, upset, walked out of the scam, crying despondently. "It's all a lie. A lie. All of it"
""IT AIN'T MY FAULT THAT FAIRY TALE STUFF'S A LOAD OF BALONEY!" Lynn yelled. Lynn's yell echoed through the woods. Liam, who is carrying his pack through the semi-wilderness, stopped. He got nervous. I'm
"Everyone is after mah load of baloney!" He dropped the pack. "YOU SHALL NOT HAVE IT!" The farm boy began to devour the meat. "It's mine!"
Lisa is in her room, solving a Rubix cube. The doorbell rang and she gladly rushed down to open it. Though she wasn't expecting to see what was in front of her. Her smile disappeared. "Darcy? Is that you?"
Luan and Leni walk off sadly, with a happy Lynn in front of them.
"C'mon, guys! Let's get some ice cream! My treat!" Lynn said excitedly.
"Lynn, how can you think about ice cream when we just made Darcy cry?" Leni scolded her.
Luan was more remorseful. "I feel so guilty! Oh, I won't sleep this, nor any other night, knowing I had a hand in ruining Darcy's innocent enchantment of fairy tales!"
"Ah, she'll get over it." Lynn said nonchalantly. "Kinda reminds me of the day Lori told me cartoons weren't real."
"Wait, they aren't?" Leni questioned with shock in her voice.
"Yep. Growing up sure stinks."
Just then, Lisa tackled Lynn in anger.
"Dude, nice hustle." Lynn commented, surprised and impressed.
"Darcy's a zombie because of your ludicrous unicorn trick!" Lisa said angrily.
"A zombie?" Leni panicked. "Oh no! We've got to cure her before the whole town becomes the living dead!"
"Not a literal zombie! I mean she's so unhappy! I don't even recognize her!"
"You better fix her before sundown or my robot will turn you into dog meat!" Lisa pressed a button on a remote and a big robot flew over. "And I just upgraded his laser mode."
The robot glared at the girls.
"Lisa, I assure you that my only wish is to make things right!" Luan said nervously.
"No it isn't!" Lynn said.
Lisa's robot grabbed Lynn, strangling her.
"I meant yes, yes we will!" Lynn smiled nervously. "Make it. Where is the little gal? I miss her so."
Darcy is sitting on a pile of leaves. A dark cloud hung over her head. Suddenly, Lynn is thrown onto the playground, a rope tied around her. She is dressed like a fairy.
Lynn spoke in a falsetto voice. "Hi, little fellAAAAAAAAAAA!"
She is swooped away. Leni is having trouble controlling the rope that lets Lynn fly.
"Concentrate, Leni!" Luan said. "Fairies are supposed to float daintily!"
"LENI!" Lynn yelled.
"Not flounder haphazardly."
Lynn swung into a wire fence, which sent her crashing to the ground in front of Darcy. The jock glared at her dim blonde sister. "Why you-" Then she turned to the toddler, speaking in her falsetto voice. "I'm the littlest fairy! Ting! With a spell to cheer you up all bright and merry!"
"You don't exist!" Darcy said grumpily.
"And?" Lynn said in her normal voice.
Darcy got up and walked away.
"It's not working, Luan!" Leni said worryingly. "Darcy's cloud won't go away!" Luan is no longer there. "Luan?"
The comedian approached Darcy, dressed as a mermaid. "A tide of joy comes your way."
She presses a button on a boom box. "I'm Alanis, mermaid of the sea. A mythological goddess to help guide you through–" Darcy pressed another button.
"You're not real!" She stormed away.
Leni is dressed as a gnome. "Here I go." He stood in front of Darcy. "Yucca yucca yucca. I'm Nug the gnome, and I–" She peered at Darcy. "And I tickle the feet of sad little–"
Darcy shoved Leni away. "Go away, charlatan!"
Leni, stumbling backwards, and tripped over something sticking out of the ground. Darcy picked it up; it is a golden horseshoe. She dusted it off on her shirt.
"What irony is this? A horseshoe made of pure gold?"
Lynn got excited. "Gold, you say?"
Darcy stares coldly at the gold horseshoe. "As gold as the toes of my once-beloved unicorn creature! But fairies and unicorns no longer exist to me! Nothing but torrid lies! This 24-carat shoe is nothing but a reminder of my gullible youth!"
"Tell you what! If it's wearing you out so much, I'll give you ten bucks for it!"
She handed Darcy a ten dollar bill and ran back to Luan, ecstatic. "Ha ha ha! I'm rich! I'm rolling in dough! Look! It's mine!"
The storm cloud over Darcy's head abruptly disappeared. It seems Darcy has tricked Lynn.
Luan peered at the shoe. "You may want to have a closer look, Lynn."
"What?"
Luan turned it over. "I'm afraid this is nothing more than a plastic dental retainer painted with gold nail polish."
The smile slowly dropped from Lynn's face.
"Horses don't have teeths on their feet, Luan!" Leni commented. Darcy giggled. "Darcy's happy again."
"Yes, she is." Luan said.
Lynn advanced on Darcy menacingly. "What?! You backstabbing little weasel! Gimme back my money!" She has come to stand on an X marked with tape. "What's the X for?"
Lisa and her robot peeked out from behind a tree and the robot took a photo. "Got the fairy creatures' proof, Darcy!" She tossed it to Chandler, who was hiding behind another tree.
"Whoa! Say, kid (Darcy), you sure made a believer out of me! I better go spread this with the others at school. They'll sure want to see this!" He rode off on his bike, ready to completely humiliate the older Loud girls.
"No, wait! Come back!" Desperate, Lynn started to chase after Chandler but stopped. Lisa and Darcy run out of the park, giggling happily, with the robot following.
Luan was amazed however. "I can fairy-ly believe it. They were all part of an ingenious elaborate hoax."
"I just lost ten bucks." Lynn said, stunned.
"Well, best prepare our fairy tale for school tomorrow. It's gonna take a lot of explaining to get out of this plot hole." Luan said, breaking the fourth wall.
A dark cloud appeared over Lynn's head. "What a load of baloney!"
Speaking of baloney…
Liam is in the woods, stomach swollen and body sated. Meat juice laid behind him, but the meat was gone. Stella and Rusty have found him.
"Liam? Are you okay?" Stella asked with concern. "You don't look so good."
"Too late, vultures. I have taken care of mah load of bologna!" Liam slapped his stomach. "For good!" Liam burped.
"How much baloney did you eat?" Rusty questioned. "A whole truckload?"
Liam held his aching stomach. "Mama, is that you? I think ah'm gonna purge!" The boy turned green on the verge of barfing.
"Maybe we should take him back home." Stella suggested.
"Agreed." Rusty complied. "But first, we'll need a bucket or two."