Here it is, folks. The last chapter! This is a parody of the episode: Take this Ed and Shove It. I decided to skip parts of this episode, mostly the first half. I just didn't care about the careers part. Hope you still enjoy it though.
At Flip's Food n Fuel, there's a commercial being broadcasted. A guy in a hotdog suit appeared in front of some curtains. "Guess what time it is, kids! It's Panda time!"
He pulled down the curtains and Flip, dressed as a panda, skitters onstage.
"Hey kids, it's me, Panda Flip! Are you ready to have a panda fun time? Follow me, kids!" Flip ran over to a makeshift doghouse and knocked on the top. "I'd like you kids to meet my best pal!"
The guy in the hot dog suit stuck a balloon animal out of the house. The animal is a dog. "Arf! Arf!"
"Hidy hidy, balloon poochie!" Flip greeted. "Say hi to the kids!"
"Arf! Arf!"
Flip laughed. "Boy, balloon poochie, you're so kean-o nifty!" Someone knocked. "Now who could that be?"
The door opened, and another guy dressed in a calculator costume, walked in. "Greetings, everyone."
"It's Mr. Calculator Pants."
"Salutations, Panda Flip, Balloon Poochie! Are we ready for today's schooling on algebraic mathematics and–"
"Toot toot!"
"Hey! It's the Elephant Choo Choo!" Flip said excitedly. He made Balloon poochie bark. "You can say that again, Balloon poochie!"
They wait, but the train does not appear. Flip, becoming impatient, goes into the tunnel and fetches it. Flip dragged the same guy who was just in the hot dog suit and is now a train conductor. "Look, kids! It's Mr. Railroad Rump!"
On his way out of the tunnel, the conductor guy ran over the calculator guy. The cargo the conductor guy is towing behind him is a wagon with a big stack of balloon puppies.
"That I am, kids!" The fake conductor said, then stopped. "Just call me Rumpy."
"Hey kids, you know what? Wouldn't it be great to adopt your very own Balloon Poochie?" Flip gestures to the cargo. "Well you can, for just 25¢." One of the balloons bark. "Yep! Just twenty-five cents!" Flip grinned.
Cut to Lincoln and his friends, who have just watched the commercial on a store TV. They look unamused, except for Lincoln.
"That's so kindergarten." Rusty commented.
"You're right, Rusty." Zach said. "Let's blow this pop stand."
"What do we look like, a couple of babies?" Stella commented. The kids began to walk off.
"But guys, balloon poochies are cute." Lincoln said.
"Oh come on, Lincoln." Clyde said. "You have to admit that commercial was a tad infantile, don't you think?"
"Oh please, Zach still has footie pajamas."
Zach blushed. "I don't wear them anymore, I-i just like to admire them because they bring back childhood memories."
"If you'll just take the time to notice, Lincoln, you'd see that kids are changing." Clyde stated. "Growing up, one might say."
The gang walk across the street and spot a tricycle in a trash can.
"Who throws away a perfectly good tricycle?" Lincoln wondered. The answer presents itself in the form of Skippy, who unsteadily rode out of his garage and onto the sidewalk on a bicycle with training wheels.
"See, Lincoln? That kid's maturing." Clyde confirmed. "Isn't it inspiring? He's adapting from a juvenile three-wheeled bike to a two-wheeled symbol of burgeoning adulthood."
"Don't taunt the trike, Clyde." Liam said.
"Yeah, what'd the trike ever do to you?" Lincoln said.
Clyde frowned. "Perhaps another example is in order."
Girl Jordan is in the family room, bored and watching TV. Outside her window, Lincoln and the gang are looking through.
"Look closely, guys, for beneath that calm, cool, bring-home-to-meet-Mother exterior, Girl Jordan is developing on a multitude of levels, both cellular and genetic." Clyde explained. "A maturing organism!"
"Where's the gag, Clyde?" Zach asked, seeing no humor.
"Growing up isn't always funny, Zach."
"Boring!" Lincoln commented.
A close up of Chandler's chin revealed a small whisker sprouting from its tip. "Yo guys, check out the beard."
He showed his friends, Richie and Trent.
"Beard?" Trent questioned.
"Pretty manly, huh?"
Richie just laughed. "That's nothing. "He turned his back to his two friends. "Brace yourself, little boys, for THIS–" Richie pulled up his hoodie, revealing an incredibly hairy back. "-–is what it takes to be a man."
Chandler and Trent looked disgusted.
"I'm gonna heave!" Chandler exclaimed. Lincoln and the gang watch from over a fence with rapt interest.
"Richie mutated!" Zach commented.
"Physically developed, Zach." Clyde explained. "Albeit a tad extreme. Just another indication of impending adulthood. Why, it'll only be a matter of time before the kids decide on careers, and become productive members of society."
"Careers, huh?" Rusty said.
"A sure sign of maturity, Rusty."
"Speaking of careers, there's a career counseling program online." Stella mentioned. "Royal . You take a survey and their experts use your individual profile and a computer to pick a career just for you."
"That sounds interesting." Clyde said. "Maybe I'd be a baker."
"I'd probably be some cologne salesman." Rusty thought.
"I bet I'd work for NASA." Zach said.
"I wish to be a barber." Liam said.
"A barber?" Rusty questioned.
"In mah old hometown, he who cuts hair is a man among men." The farm boy stated proudly.
"I've always pictured myself as a tour guide." Stella said. "How about you, Lincoln? Any idea of what your career might be?"
"I'm not sure yet." Lincoln shrugged. "But I'm not gonna worry about that now. I've got plenty of time before I pick a career."
"Well, I want to know my career." Rusty said. "I'm gonna take that survey."
"Me too." Zach said.
"Count me in." Liam said.
Lincoln's friends walk off.
"See ya later, buddy." Clyde said.
"Later." Lincoln replied, then walked off in another direction. "They can grow up all they want because I'm staying a kid."
Lincoln came back home and a mailman came up to him.
"Delivery for the Loud kids." The mailman handed him the package.
"Thanks!" Lincoln said.
"Have a nice day."
Lincoln saw that the package was from their grandfather, Pop Pop. Inside, Lincoln's sisters were gathered in the living room, on their phones. Lincoln came in.
"Hey guys, Pop Pop sent us a gift." Lincoln notified them.
"That's great, Lincoln." Lori said, not taking her eyes off her phone like the other sisters. "Open it up."
He opened the package, revealing a chest inside. "A chest? Now what could be in here?"
There was a combination lock. "What's with the combination lock?" He fiddled with it.
"Yay! I'm a fashion designer!" Leni said.
"And I'm a gym teacher!" Lynn said.
"I'm literally a golf coach!" Lori exclaimed.
"Cool! I'm a gopher!" Lana exclaimed. The other sisters were excited about what careers they got. Luan was a clown performer, Luna was a music teacher, Lisa was a scientist/professor, Lola was a model, and Lucy was a mortician.
"What are you guys talking about?" Lincoln asked.
"We're taking a career counseling survey." Lori mentioned. "It helps you find your career for the future."
"Oh, I've heard." Lincoln said. "And you guys already knew what jobs you would have."
"But it's exciting to find out your results online." Lori said. "Plus, Lana as a gopher was unexpected."
"Yeah, I was expecting a plumber or mechanic." Lola said.
"I'll accept gopher." Lana said and she put on a fake pair of gopher teeth. "Now if you excuse me, I'm gonna get a start on my career."
Lana went outside and began to dig through the ground. Lucy watched through the window.
"Impressive." She said in her stoic tone.
"Hey bro, did you take the survey?" Luna asked.
"I don't need to." Lincoln said. "I know what I'll do. I'll build myself a fountain of youth so I'll never get old! I'll be young and handsome forever."
"I'd be intrigued to see you attempt that." Lisa said doubtfully.
Lincoln brought his attention back to the chest. "Guys, I can't get this chest open. Pop Pop sent it to us with a combination lock and he didn't give me the combination." Lincoln continued to fiddle with the chest.
"Pop Pop sent us a gift?" Lola said, now realizing.
"Here. Use my hairpin." Leni advised, holding one out.
"No Leni, it's a combination lock, not a key lock."
"Lana's got power tools in the garage." Lynn pointed out.
"Great idea." Lincoln went to the garage. He turned the light on and went to the shelf where Lana kept her power tools. He opened the toolbox and saw a bunch of tools in there. "Perfect."
As he began to leave with the toolbox, Lana suddenly tunneled out under his feet, throwing Lincoln up towards the wooden slat ceiling.
"Lunchtime!" Lana took out her lunch and ran off to eat.
"Dang it Lana!" Lincoln yelled, as he clung to the light fixture. Suddenly, the fixture shook, and the slat holding it broke. Lincoln tumbled into the hole Lana created, and the detritus that was top of the slat tumbled down into the hole. "Oh my aching-"
A bowling ball slammed onto his head. This is followed a few short seconds later by another ball, then a bowling pin hits him, and all the stuff that had been kept above the garage quickly followed, burying him. Lincoln's vision wavered to the soundtrack of his last triumphant proclamation: "I'm never getting old! I'm never getting old…"
An old man stretched and stood up. "Oh, my aching back! How'd I get back in my room?"
The old man is seen in the mirror. He seemed to be an older form of Lincoln. "Oh, hiya Pop Pop!" He lifted his arm to wave. "Aah! You're not Pop Pop!" The old man goes for a closer look. "You're me!"
Old Lincoln walked to the door, cane in hand. "I gotta get out of here. Huh?" He noticed the cane and threw it away. The elderly Lincoln opened the door and saw elderly versions of his two eldest sisters, Lori and Leni.
"Why, hello, Lincoln! We've come in hopes of a third for cribbage." Old Lori said.
"Cribbage gives me gas." Old Leni said.
"Aah!" Lincoln was shocked by this. "This can't be happening!"
Leni, using a walker, slowly came over to her brother, farting all the way. "Loss of control is the first thing to go, Linky."
"What happened to us, Lori?" Lincoln questioned. "We look like turkeys!" He pulled at the loose skin on Lori's chin. The skin dropped down and hung limply.
"Calm down, Lincoln. I'll let you shuffle." Lori held out a deck of cards.
"I hate cribbage!" Lincoln swatted the deck away and fell over. "I'm just a kid!"
Lori laughed. "Kid? Oh, Lincoln. We haven't been kids in over ninety years."
"Ninety years?"
Leni fell over. "Baby go wee-wee!" She and Lori laugh.
Lincoln left his room running. He goes into the living room and notices something. He saw the chest Pop Pop sent him and the lock is still there. "It can't be. The chest." He goes and caresses it. "It still hasn't been opened yet."
Lincoln fondled the lock. Lori walked downstairs.
"Lincoln? There you are."
Lincoln, not interested in playing cribbage, ran away from Lori.
"Cribbage, Lincoln."
Lincoln ran across the street straight into a table on which a chessboard is balanced." Coming through."
Old Luan and Old Mr. Coconuts are playing chess. Luan dropped a chest piece. "Checkmate, Coconuts, you old codger, you! I've senior way of winning this game." Luan laughed at her pun.
Coconuts is much worse for wear; He is missing an eye and is now wearing an eyepatch. He's also missing a few teeth.
"Luan? Is that you?"
"Oh, hey Lincoln! Nice day, isn't it? Whatcha' starin at? Luna forgot her pants again?"
Across the street, Luna is playing an acoustic guitar. Then she prepared to do a stage dive. "Stage dive!" She jumped off the bench, but cracked her back doing so. "Ow! That was not a good idea."
"She's still got it, huh, Lincoln?" Luan said.
"Got what? Liver spots? I can't take anymore of this!" Lincoln moved to run away, but slipped on an errant chess piece. He fell to the ground clutching his hip.
"My hip!"
Luan voiced Mr. Coconuts. "Hey, it's Old Man Lincoln." Luan held up an ear trumpet. "Could you repeat that, Mr. Coconuts?"
"I said it's Old Man Lincoln!"
"Lincoln? Where? Oh, hey Lincoln. Nice day, isn't it?" Lincoln ran away. "Whatcha starin at?"
Lincoln ran straight into the old, wrinkled, wizened hand of Lola.
"What are you, blind?!"
"Kinda." Lincoln admitted.
"Can't you see me and Lana are playing here?"
"You heard her, poopypants." Old Lana said. "What say you just leave us to it?"
"Leave you to what?" Lincoln noticed a string hanging from Lola's hand. "Skip rope? Ain't you too old to skip rope?"
"Skip rope?" Lola questioned. "What do we look like, a couple of babies? We're knitting, you idiot!"
"And no, you can't have one." Lana said. "I made this bedtime cozy for Lola."
"So GET LOST, POPS!" Lola brought her fist down squarely on her brother's head.
"Ow!" Lincoln was dazed. "Good on ya." He stumbled away and across the street.
"I'm so confused." He walked into a light pole, and an old, hunchbacked version of Lucy suddenly appeared next to him.
"Hello Lynn."
Lincoln got startled. "What? I'm not Lynn."
"Who is this Lynn you speak of?" Lincoln, amazed, doesn't reply. "My coffin is not for sale!"
We get to look at Lucy's coffin, which sits in her front yard. It's old and broken down and does indeed have a "For Sale" sign in the grass beside it.
"YOU FOOL!" Lucy grabbed Lincoln by the shirt collar. "Edwin doesn't love you, Haiku."
"...Okay." Lincoln said, just wanting to leave.
Lucy dropped Lincoln. "I don't want to buy your mud pies, Lana! Now get off my property before I get my bats!" The elderly goth slowly walked off to get her bats. Lincoln, not wanting to stick around, got up and started off towards his house. Along the way, he noticed that he was using his cane again.
"Huh?" He threw it away. "Stop it!"
Then an elderly Lynn with glasses, on a motor scooter, came by and ran over Lincoln. "Move it, Stinkoln!"
She ran over him a few more times before heading back. "Yeah, that'll teach ya, Stinkoln!"
Lori found her prone brother. "Oh, there you are, Lincoln. Leni and I have been looking everywhere for you! What say we get you home now, Lincoln? This humidity is killing me."
"Home? The chest?" Lincoln got up. "That's it, guys!"
"What's that, Lincoln?"
"It's the key to our youth! Hurry!" He pulled at his sisters but his advanced age has made him too weak to budge them. "Just follow me."
"Too late! I already went, Lincoln." Leni said.
Lincoln entered the house, where the chest was still in the living room. "Pop Pop sent this to me years ago. It must have something for kids. If we can get it open, everything will be back to normal."
"Well, I haven't owned a toy in decades." Lori began to ramble on. "I can't quite recall the last one I had. I believe it was that big inflatable cellphone. Though mother didn't approve of me using it all the time. She said I had an unhealthy obsession with it. Course, that was before I had a real phone." Lincoln strained to lift a hammer. "Ah, but I digress. My husband Bobby doesn't care for me wearing corduroys around the house. He thinks they're a fashion understatement. But what does he know? I told him-"
"SHUT UP ALREADY!" Lincoln shouted. "Criminy. Leni, bust the dang chest."
"Leni? I'll go get her, Lincoln." Leni walked up to the chest with all the slowness of an old woman. She raised the walker, ready to bring it down on the desk. Before she does so, however, she coughs. The puff of air coming out is enough to break the chest, crumbling it and its contents to dust. "Leni's not here, Lincoln."
"Time has reduced it to dust, Lincoln." Lori said.
"But I'm just a kid." He looked down and saw that the cane had magically reappeared. "This is not happening!"
He began to hit himself with the cane. "I'm not old! I'm not old! I'm not old! I'm not-I'm not old! I'm not old!"
Lincoln is a kid again. He is bandaged up and lying on the living room couch, and there is a Get Well Soon card next to him, but he is the same Lincoln we've always known, apart from the fact that his eyes are squeezed tightly shut and he's pretending to hit himself with a cane.
"I'm not old! I'm not old! I'm not old. I'm not old. I'm not–" He opened his eyes. "AAAAH!"
The Louds sisters are next to Lincoln, also normal.
"Lincoln?" Lori said concerned.
"Guys?" Lincoln became ecstatic. "You're all just kids!"
"Physically yes," Lisa started. "-but I like to think I've excelled academically–"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Lincoln grabbed a hand mirror and looked in. "And I'm a kid too!" He began to sing. "We're not old anymore! Who needs a cane now? Ha ha!"
"Relax, Lincoln!" Lisa advised. "I fear you may have suffered a hallucination brought on by that bump on your head."
Lana is sawing through the combination lock on the chest. She finished and the lock broke off. "Guys, we can open the chest now."
"The chest!" Lincoln said excitedly.
Lincoln opened it up and was surprised by what he saw inside.
"What is it, Lincoln?" Leni asked.
"We've got our own official plushies!" Lincoln exclaimed. The sisters were surprised as well and took their own plushies and Lincoln took his.
"This is literally an amazing gift." Lori commented.
"There's also a note." Lincoln read it. "To my Loud kids, thanks for making my latest birthday one to remember. The greatest gift I could have are my own grandchildren, so I've given that gift for you, Love Pop Pop."
"Awwwww!" The kids said in admiration.
Lincoln looked at his toy. "Man, I don't ever wanna grow up."
Suddenly, Old Lincoln awakes. He is in a chair. Old Lincoln raised his eyes to see the senior citizen versions of his sisters sitting at a table with him, including Lisa and Lily.
"It seems you dozed off again there, Lincoln." Lisa stated. "You were recounting yet another humorous story from our past, when we were children."
"You remember the funniest things, Lincoln." Lily said.
"Yeah, like...um...I forget." Leni said.
Lincoln was stunned. "It was all just stories? Memories from the past? We really are old!" He slammed his face against the table, and the table collapsed.
"Well, so much for our rousing game of cribbage." Lori said.
"I just remembered something!" Luan stuck her finger in Lincoln's face. "Pull my finger, Lincoln!" She farted and laughed.
"Dude, that prank is older than we are." Luna commented.
"Grow up, you old jokester, you!" Lincoln scolded. The siblings all share a laugh. Then Lincoln had a grumpy face. "I still wish I was a kid."
End
There you have it, 52 chapters! I'd say that's pretty good. I appreciate those who have read this fanfiction from beginning to end. And I'd like to know what your favorite chapters are. Now I can get back to The Sponge House, with the 100th chapter coming up soon. So I'll see you next time!