Victoria was well aware that there were only two bedrooms in the cabin. Evelyn was in her cot and Ryan was sharing with her in the single bed. The other room was the double room with the wooden headframe and soft mattress, thick quilt and en-suite bathroom. Victoria wondered just what Homelander expected them to do that night. They hadn't shared a bed in such a long time. Victoria couldn't remember the last time they'd slept next to each other. There had been times when she'd had nightmares after Evelyn had been born and he'd stayed with her when she'd woken up, but that had been it. She wasn't entirely certain what to suggest for that evening. She didn't want to anger him. She was doing all that she could to tread a fine line between keeping him happy and not repulsing herself.

She used the en-suite bathroom, showering and changing into long sleeved pyjamas and tugging on her Durham sweatshirt over it. She pushed her hair behind her shoulders and brushed her teeth before washing her face. Looking in the mirror, she steeled herself to go back into the main bedroom, wondering if he would be there. He'd been sat on the sofa when she'd excused herself to shower.

Leaving the bathroom, she tugged the handle and stepped into the room. Homelander was there. He was perched on the end of the bed, hands clasped together and still wearing his clothes. Victoria looked at her small case that she'd opened and sat on the bench at the dressing table. Heading towards it to busy herself, she grabbed her hand cream from the front pocket.

"So there's only one bed," Homelander said, stating the obvious.

"I don't mind taking the sofa," Victoria quickly said but Homelander shook his head.

"No," he said, voice firm. "This is a king-sized mattress, Victoria. There's plenty of room for both of us. You won't even know I'm sleeping next to you."

Victoria wanted to argue with him. She wanted to tell him that she had no desire to share the room as him, never mind the same bed. But she didn't. She played the scenario through in her head. She could keep him on side if she went along with what he wanted. She could keep him happy and that meant she stayed alive and with her daughter and Ryan. And so she relented. She nodded her head and finished rubbing the black pepper cream into her palms.

"Alright," she said and she swore she'd never seen him look so happy. A smile of glee formed on his face and he clasped hold of his thighs before moving to his feet. She knew the more she played his game then the closer he thought they were going to be. She didn't know how far he was going to push things though.

He'd become a lot more touchy around her, not thinking twice of wrapping his arms around her or kissing the side of her head. She never particularly welcomed those advances, but she could handle them. She knows that she wouldn't be able to handle anything more than that. The idea of being intimate with him scared her. She knew they'd been intimate before. Back when everything had been perfect between the two of them they'd had a pretty good sex life and she had never complained once. But there was no going back to that. There had been that time in Chicago after Michelle's funeral, but that had been a mistake. It had been a moment of weakness when she had felt like she had nothing left but him. She'd lost her friends. Her brother struggled to be around her knowing that she was with Homelander. Her baby was sick. She'd clung to him like a lifejacket and he'd loved it. She knew he wanted her to get to that stage again. He wanted her to depend on him. But that was never going to happen because now she had Evelyn to think about and she needed to get her away from Homelander.

"You know, I was thinking that it might be good if we spent Christmas here this year," he said and Victoria folded her arms over her chest before turning her head over her shoulder to look at him.

"You think Vought will let us?"

"Sweetheart, you're forgetting that I am Vought now," Homelander said to her and she watched him begin to strip out of his suit. She couldn't help but notice the bare skin of his chest as she tried to avert her eyes. She knew that he usually slept with clothes, but hopefully he might have some initiative not to do that tonight.

"So you want to bring Ryan and Evie back here for Christmas?"

"Well, it's not long to go now," Homelander said. "Only another couple of months and I think we need to plan it. Besides, by then you might be pregnant."

Victoria's blood chilled then. He was so determined to get her pregnant. She didn't know how much time she could buy before he got suspicious. And so she knew she had to try and use a different tactic. She wondered if there was some part of him in there that she could still appeal to. Was there any of the John she had fallen in love with? She pulled the duvet back from the bed as Homelander, thankfully, slipped into a pair of loose fitting jogging pants and a red top.

"Can we talk about that?" Victoria asked from him, folding her legs and tugging the quilt up to her lap.

"What do you want to talk about?" Homelander asked and Victoria toyed with the edge of the grey quilt in her fingertips. She let out a deep breath, widened her eyes and hoped that this would work. She stood one of two chances.

"Do you remember when I was pregnant with Evelyn?" she asked from him.

"I remember it being the happiest time of my life," Homelander confessed to her. "I mean, the circumstances in which you told me weren't how I'd imagined it."

"How did you imagine it?" Victoria asked and he slipped into the bed, stretching his legs under the covers and leaning back against the headboard, hands on his stomach. He turned his head to the side so that he could watch Victoria. He noticed her toying nervously with the ends of her hair. It was a habit she had whenever she was anxious.

He shrugged, a smile forming on his face. "I always figured that you'd maybe tell me over a dinner one night…nothing fancy…just us in the penthouse…and knowing you, you'd drop it into conversation in some sneaky way that would have me wondering what you'd said. You're good like that. You've always been quick witted."

"I think it's just British sarcasm," Victoria said and he chuckled.

"It's the one thing about you that I fell for," Homelander said. "You were so quick and smart…I mean you still are…but when we first met you were…it was like a breath of fresh air. You were funny. You weren't fawning over me. You saw me for me and I'd never had that before. I used to think that Madelyn had been the one who understood me, but she hadn't. There's only ever been you, Victoria. You're the only woman I've ever thought I could have a family with."

"You know that it's the same, right?" Victoria checked with him and he reached out to move his hand against her cheek, stroking it softly for a moment before pulling back. "When you stopped being such a dick to me, I felt like I could open up to you…and I'd never done that before. I'd never told anyone the things I told you and you made me feel so safe. You made me feel like nothing could hurt me again."

"Because nothing ever will hurt you again," Homelander promised her and he shifted closer to her, moving his hand to grab hold of hers. "I know things have been difficult between us, Victoria. I know that I've said things that have hurt you…and I've done things…but I never wanted to do them. I just wanted you to see what we have. I wanted you to understand that what we have together is perfect."

"I know," Victoria said and she felt an ache in her chest because she did know. Did he think that she didn't crave what they'd had? She longed for it. She wished that she could go back in time and meet him before he went down this path. But they couldn't. And she couldn't go back to loving him like she had done. She loved the memory of him. She loved the idea of him. But she didn't love him.

"I love you," Homelander said to her. "Victoria, it's always been you. I just want you and our children. That's all I want."

"But it's not," Victoria said to him with a shake of her head. "And I wish it was enough, John. I wish that it had been enough, but there's always more. You took over Vought. You constantly think about your approval rating. You say we're enough, but we're not. I never was enough."

"Don't say that."

"You wouldn't have given all of it up for me, would you?"

"Would you have given up your work for me?" Homelander questioned, brows arching on his forehead as he waited for her to answer him.

"If my work was driving us apart…then yes, I would have," Victoria said, but Homelander shook his head and moved his hand from hers to wag his finger.

"No, you wouldn't," Homelander said. "And I never asked you to give it up. I never stopped you from going to Paris. I loved that you were so passionate about your job and so clever. And your job did come between us sometimes. It took you to Europe, Victoria."

"But it was never toxic. It never asked me to be someone I'm not," Victoria said. "Your job did exactly that, John. The fake videos…documentaries…interviews…and every time it forced you to pretend to be someone else, I saw through it. I saw through your fake answers and I just…I want you to be you…or who I thought you was."

"I was that man for you."

"But you want the best of both, don't you? You want to be him around me, but you love the fame," Victoria said to him. "And that was the part I never wanted. I never liked it. I thought that it was damaging you. I thought that it was hurting you."

Homelander took in what she was saying and he knew she had a point. There were parts of the job he despised. He hated having to fake things, but he loved the adoration that came with it. All of his media answers had been so rehearsed. He hadn't been able to say what he truly thought, but then that had changed. Since he had taken over the company, that had completely changed. He could be himself and people loved him for it. He loved it for himself. But that was the man who Victoria didn't like. And so he was different around her. He tried to be the man she had loved.

"Some of it did," he confessed to her. "That night after the documentary in my fake house…when you saw Madelyn with me…I'd felt so much anger towards Vought for making me do it. I hated how they'd raised me. I hated how they'd never giving me a loving family. And then there was you. You'd insisted on going back to that cabin we'd been renting and getting away from them. You'd been the only one to consider what I needed…not how I could be used…you saw me. You're the only one who ever has."

"Because I loved you," Victoria admitted. "I loved you unequivocally. I would have done anything for you."

"Just like I would do anything for you. Don't you see that, Victoria? You're my wife. I love you."

"I know," Victoria nodded her head. And she did know. "And that's why I'm asking you…please…don't do this," she whispered.

"Victoria," he groaned her name and she reached out for him, grabbing his hand tightly.

"Do you remember the night I gave birth to Evelyn?" she asked him and he nodded his head slowly. She moved so that she was knelt in front of him, clinging onto his fingers as his mind went back to the operating room when he had demanded that the doctors do everything in their power to save Victoria. He remembered the smell of blood in the room. He remembered how he had cradled her to him as she passed out and she clung to him.

"I'm not going to forget that, Vic," he whispered.

"And neither am I," Victoria said. "I remember going to the bathroom at the premier and sitting in that stall…looking down and seeing the blood…and in that moment I thought that was it, John. I thought that I was going to die and I wasn't ready. I was so scared and you…I just remember calling your name and needing you."

"I…I didn't know what to do," Homelander confessed to her. "They kept telling me that I might have to make a choice…our little girl…our baby…and you…do you know how impossible that felt, Victoria? I'm a supe. I'm a God. But in that moment I felt useless. I couldn't do anything to save the two people I loved the most."

"I know," Victoria said. "And I remember passing out from the drugs they gave me and all I could think was 'this was it'. I didn't think I was going to make it, John, and I don't want to go back there again. We have Evelyn. We have Ryan. We have the family you have always wanted," she said and she moved her hand against his chest and he felt her heartbeat racing. His face was inches from hers as he saw her eyes begin to sparkle with tears and he could feel his own eyes moisten. "I'm begging you, John," she whispered to him. "Please, don't do this to me. Please."

Homelander was silent then and he continued to watch her intently. It took him a moment before he reached his other hand up to her cheek, cupping it in his palm and feeling a pang in his chest. He didn't know if this was Victoria trying to manipulate him or being honest with him. From the look in her eye, he hoped it was honesty. He longed for it to be because he wanted to trust her. He longed to trust her.

"It wouldn't be like last time," he said, but his voice was wavering slightly.

"You know that there's no guarantee of that," Victoria reminded him. "Even with rest and no stress, there's no chance of this going smoothly. And we both know there's going to be stress, John. The DA is still intending to prosecute you and that would mean months of going through a media circus…turning up to court…and you'd want me there by your side."

"My legal team are working to get that case thrown out," Homelander said.

"But there's no guarantee they'll be able to," Victoria said and Homelander knew that was the truth. There was no guarantee that he'd be saved from a trial. "And I hope it doesn't come to that, I really do," she said. And she did. She had no idea what he'd do if he was forced to stand trial.

"I just want another child, Victoria. I was us to have the family we never had growing up."

"And we can. We have Ryan and we have Evelyn. I…when I lost our last baby…all I could think about was Evelyn growing up without her mother," Victoria said to him and Homelander shook his head slowly. He didn't want that. He knew how important it was for Evelyn to have her mother.

"Why did you run away?" Homelander questioned her. "The idea of you going through that on your own…I was so worried, Victoria. I would have been there with you. I would have held your hand through all of it."

"I know," she concurred with him and sniffed, tears now falling down her cheeks steadily. "But I can't do it again. We have a family. We have two children who need us…please don't risk what we already have…John…please."

Looking into her eyes, he saw the fear there. He understood it too. He understood completely why she was terrified and he didn't want to relent. He didn't want to give up. But he knew that he was going to. She still had a hold over him. No matter how often he told himself that he was done with listening to her and that he would only get his own way, it was never going to happen. She still made him weak. She was always going to make him weak. But if that meant keeping her then he'd do it. He'd do what he had to do to keep her.

"We'll wait until all of this is done," he settled on saying. "We'll talk about it when there's no one in our way."

Victoria knew that was as good as she was going to get. She knew that he wasn't going to give her an unequivocal no, but this had bought her some more time. That was all she could ask for.

She moved her arms around him, needing to cement that she was grateful to him. He was taken off guard as her arms snaked around his neck and he wrapped his around her waist, pulling her against him. He felt her rest her face by his neck and he kissed the top of her head.

"We'll be okay, sweetheart," Homelander whispered into her hair and Victoria closed her eyes, trying not to cry even harder. She had no idea how she felt. She knew she had what she wanted, but then why did she feel guilty? She'd said what she had to say. She had played on his feelings for her. But why did she not feel anything but pain in her chest?

…

"You need to tell her."

"I'm telling her nothing."

"You're sick, Billy."

"Thanks for stating the bleeding obvious."

"How much longer are you going to keep this going?"

"Probably until I drop dead."

"Which won't be too long judging by the rate you're coughing up blood," Hughie snapped at Butcher. They were in the office and once against Billy had excused himself to go and use the bathroom, but Hughie had followed him.

Kimiko, Frenchie, M.M and Starlight had watched him go with knowing looks on their face. They were well aware that something was going on with Butcher. He hadn't confirmed it to the others, but he knew that they weren't daft. It was only Hughie and Starlight who understood what his dosing of Temp-V had done to him.

Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Billy spat the last bit of blood into the sink and then turned the tap, watching the red dilute until it had gone down the hole. Hughie stood behind him, dressed in his jeans and his hoodie with his arms folded over his chest and his eyes looking at Butcher in the mirror. Billy rinsed his hands under the cold water and shook them dry.

"Listen, I'm not telling her," Billy said to Hughie.

"She is your sister. She's worried for you," Hughie retorted. "Do you not think that you owe it to her to let her know that you're getting worse?"

"And what good will that do?" Butcher wondered. "What good will worrying do for her? She's got enough on her plate at the moment. She doesn't need any additional stress."

"I know that's what you think," Hughie said. "But she loves you and I know you love her. I don't…look…you don't do soppy and I know that."

"Then don't start on me," Billy warned him.

"But you're my friend," Hughie said. "You may not be able to say it or you may not see me as your friend, but I am. That's why I want you to tell her."

"I'll tell her when I want to. Besides, you need to focus on digging up as much as you can on Neuman," Billy said, wanting to get back to the task at hand. There had been rumblings of her political campaign stepping up a gear. She was now running as a Vice Presidential candidate and that was a major concern for everyone in the team. If she got more power than they had no idea what she would do. Stan Edgar might have been like her adoptive father, but she had thrown him under the bus to side with Homelander when she'd had to. Victoria had given Billy that piece of information.

"She keeps spending a lot of time on the campaign track," Hughie said. "But I did find out that she's also got links to Godolkin University. Rumour has it she's sponsoring a student there."

"The supe factory?"

"What do you know about it?"

Billy splashed water on his face as a sudden cold sweat came over him. "Only that it's not as wholesome as it seems," he said. "I mean, look at the supes it created. What is she doing there?"

"That's what I'm trying to look into, but hacking into her computer system isn't as easy as me and M.M hoped it might be," Hughie confessed. "Either way, whatever she's up to isn't going to be good for any of us, is it?"

"Doubt it," Billy said gruffly. "I'll give Mallory a call and see what she knows. She still has people on the inside."

"You don't think she'd be trying to recruit supes, do you?"

Billy chuckled. "If she's working with Homelander then fuck knows. Both of them are equally as crazy as each other," he said and Hughie wasn't going to disagree with him on that point. "He sees supes as the ultimate race…we know they've done favours for each other…whatever is going on and is keeping her going at Godolkin is something we need to find out."

"I can dig into it," Hughie said. "But I really think you should tell Victoria you're not getting any better."

"And I really think you should keep your nose out of other people's business," he retorted. "Now, why don't you fuck off home, eh? It's late and I have a bottle of scotch with my name on it at home."

Hughie rolled his eyes and shook his head. He wanted the best for Butcher. He was trying to look out for him, but nothing he did was going to be enough for that man. He was convinced of that.

…

Lying in bed, Victoria was wide awake with Homelander behind her. After her opening up to him earlier, he'd taken that as an invitation that she wanted him near her. She was currently laid on her side and he had one arm around her waist and another under her pillow. His breath was warm against her neck as he spoke in a low voice, chest rumbling against her back.

"I need you to know that there might be an issue I need to go and sort out sometime soon," Homelander informed her and Victoria arched her brows, wondering what was going on. His hand had trapped one of hers against her stomach. He kissed her at the back of her neck and pressed himself closer against her. "You don't need to worry about it because I'll take care of it."

"What is it?" Victoria wondered and she turned around in his grip to face him. Her dark blue eyes met his light blue eyes. She moved a hand to his chest, wondering if she could get more from him if she played nicely. Homelander felt himself shudder involuntarily at the feeling of her hand against him voluntarily.

"Godolkin University," Homelander said to her. "I think there is something going on there."

"Like what?"

"From what I can gather, there's some kind of underground facility which is being used to test things out on supes," he said to her, wondering if he could trust her with this information. Then again, it wasn't as if she was going to tell anyone because he intended on keeping her away from her brother and friends for as long as possible. By then he'd have sorted out what was going on.

"What kind of things?"

"I'm not sure, but whatever it is, I bet it's not good," Homelander said and moved his forehead to brush against hers. "No doubt Vought know all about it, but it's not right. Supes being tested on…it takes me right back to Vogelbaum and what he did…and then I think of Evie and Ryan. I think of people hurting them. I'm never going to let that happen."

Victoria nodded, actually agreeing with him on this point. She was amazed that she did, but she didn't think supes should be tested on. She knew they had the potential to be dangerous. The man laid next to her proved that much. But then she thought about Annie and Alex. She thought about Ryan and Evelyn. They were innocent. They weren't evil. Then again, Homelander wasn't born evil. He was made this way by Vought.

"That's horrible," Victoria said and Homelander wondered if she really did think that, but he listened to her vitals and knew she was telling him the truth. "I mean, Godolkin U…Maeve and A-Train came from there…"

"We both know corporations have ulterior motives," Homelander said to her and she knew that much was true after getting to know the inner workings of what went on at Vought. She brought her hand down from his chest and he lifted his from her waist to lay it against her cheek. "You just don't need to worry about it, alright? I'm going to sort it and keep us safe…make a world that's safe for our kids."

Victoria just nodded and she knew what was coming as his eyes flickered down to her lips. She wanted to push him away. She wanted to tell him no. But then she thought about what that might do to him. He'd feel rejected. He'd probably lash out at some point. If she kept him calm then he was under control. He had faith in her that she was on his side until the right time arose. She'd done this dance before. She'd had no option but to do it. She'd betrayed him numerous times, but now she knew that she couldn't betray him. She couldn't get away from him while he was alive. The only route she had to freedom was his death. She just had to bide her time until then. The only problem was that she had no idea when that would be or, more importantly, if that would even be possible.

And so she let him kiss her. She closed her eyes and let him kiss her softly, almost like he was scared of taking things further. She was relieved for that. He was brief and pulled away from her, letting out a deep breath before he closed his eyes, forehead brushing against hers.

"You don't know the hold you have over me," Homelander whispered to her. "It's always you…only you, Victoria."

Victoria didn't know what to say to that. She couldn't speak the words he wanted to hear from her. All she could do was kiss him again, giving him a short peck on the lips and then rolling over once more. He wrapped his arm around her again.

"We should get some sleep," Victoria said and he grabbed hold of her hand.

Victoria didn't entirely know if she was going to be able to sleep, but she closed her eyes. It was late and she knew that much. She'd only have a few hours of sleep before Evelyn woke up and called for her parents.

"Don't hurt me again, Victoria," Homelander suddenly whispered into the darkness and her eyes opened wide once more. It didn't sound like a plea. It sounded more like a warning. There was a menace in his tone and her heart skipped a beat and her stomach churned. He kissed her again at the side of her neck before sighing and settling down to sleep, leaving his wife to stew until the morning came.

...

A/N: So can you tell I have watched Gen-V?! And looks like season four might hopefully be sooner rather than later and I can't wait to tie this into that! As always, would love to know your thoughts - this is now my longest piece of work I've kept going!