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Chapter 51: Hell's Greatest Dad
Taylor awoke with a jolt, gasping as their eyes flew open. The unfamiliar surroundings threw them into a panic, making them scramble out of their covers as they scanned the room, half expecting their patron to be sitting in their armchair, sharpened claws at the ready to carve into them again. Instead, they realized they were in the penthouse suite, and they sighed in relief as they recalled that Charlie and Vaggie had offered to keep an eye on them as they slept.
From their position on the floor, they looked over at the large bed in the middle of the room, and heard the soft sounds of relaxed breathing, meaning they hadn't woken the demonesses up with their flailing. Deciding they had slept enough, they quietly crept out of the room and headed downstairs to get ready for the day.
When they got to the lobby, they were greeted with Sir Pentious, Husk, Niffty, and Angel Dust watching something with interest in the parlor. Walking over, their heart sank when they saw a flustered-looking Charlie muttering to herself in a state of panic as she had covered a couple of boards and the walls with papers and connected said papers with red strings.
"How long has she been like this?" Taylor asked bewilderedly as they stood behind the sofa with the others.
Niffty turned to them with a look of excitement.
"Since four! Look at her go!" She said as she bounced on her feet.
Shortly thereafter, they heard Vaggie join them as she watched her girlfriend worriedly before Charlie started to ramble aloud.
"I'm just not quite understanding why it's not working! Okay, okay, think Charlie." She began tapping her head furiously, "Think, think, think, think, think, think, think, think! Okay, if I do this, it's going to be—" she gasped. "I have trust falls every single morning." Another gasp as she darted over to connect a string. "Maybe we can do—"
Angel winced at the display. "Yikes."
Charlie continued to rant as everyone looked on, disturbed at the state of the normally peppy princess.
"Come on, come on, come on, come on!" She uttered as she gripped her head in exasperation.
Vaggie decided to break the tension gently.
"Charlie? Sweetie? You, uh, you good?"
The blonde demoness whirled back to face everyone with red sleep-deprived looking eyes with an insane glint before she answered with manic energy.
"Nope, no, not really. Ha ha!" She swiveled back to the board and grabbed a random paper. "I've been up all night trying to figure out why the hotel isn't working!" Crushing the paper in her hand, she turned back to the group. "We've done trust falls, we've tried sharing our feelings," the ground started to shake as her speech got more frantic, "we've only have a couple of months left before the angels come!"
She turned into her partial demon form while laughing maniacally before reverting back to her normal appearance and the ground ceased moving. She turned back to the board.
"And at this rate—" she began before Vaggie tentatively began her suggestion.
"Maybe it's time—"
Charlie turned back with a panicked look.
"NO."
"To ask—" Vaggie continued.
Charlie clambered over the couch to reach Vaggie, grabbing her cheeks desperately to try to keep her from completing her sentence.
"DON'T SAY IT!"
"Your dad." Vaggie finished as she removed Charlie's hands.
Charlie groaned and laid her head down on the back of the couch in defeat. Taylor's interest piqued at the mention of the seraphim from their dreams.
'Maybe I can finally learn my patron's name. Or at least learn something more about them.' They mused before Vaggie lovingly held Charlie's hands and spoke pragmatically.
"Charlie, I know you don't want to, but we need every advantage we can get."
Lifting up her head, Charlie replied pessimistically.
"He let the Extermination happen to begin with! They just had a meeting and said, 'go ahead and kill everyone!'" She gasped and stood up as a thought struck her. "Wait! That's it!" She turned around and faced the board excitedly.
"Kill everyone?" Vaggie questioned before Charlie turned back to her.
"No! He could get me a meeting with Heaven!"
Taylor chimed in with a grimace.
"Charlie, we already tried that with Adam, remember? It didn't go so hot; guy is a total douchebag."
"Right! With Adam, he was a total asshole. But he isn't in charge of all of Heaven! We could go to the top! There's bound to be some angels who will listen!" Charlie said optimistically as she turned around and took out her phone.
'That's a great idea! I think it's safe to say Emily would be willing to hear us out, and she's another seraphim!' Taylor thought with enthusiasm.
They all saw Charlie hesitate to start the call, prompting Husk to call her out with a knowing smirk on his face.
"What's the holdup? You got daddy issues?"
The demoness turned around and spoke sadly.
"No, we've just never been close." She began walking away from the group, clutching her phone to her chest. "After he and mom split, he never really wanted to see me. He calls, sometimes, but only if he's bored or needs me to do something." She turned back to them as she finished.
Husk's smile widened as he addressed the others.
"Daddy issues."
The group became animated at the prospect of meeting the head honcho of Hell himself.
"Well, I'd like to meet the big dick in charge." Angel said with interest as he leaned onto the back of the couch.
Niffty admired a knife she produced from somewhere and grinned menacingly.
"The ultimate bad boy!" She giggled with excitement as Angel stealthily took the knife from her without the demoness noticing. "I bet he's scary."
Taylor wasn't sure what he was like now, but from what they saw in their dreams, at one point he seemed like an idealistic dreamer that projected a devil-may-care attitude, but in actuality he was deeply disillusioned by Heaven's attitudes and decisions, making him bitter in private company. While Charlie spoke fondly of him when he was together with Lilith, he was the ruler of Hell for a reason, so it could be he hid his darker side from Charlie.
They were about to say something, but Charlie finally pressed the call button and Angel nudged them to clam up. Looking to the side, everyone had assumed positions of disinterest to give Charlie some semblance of privacy, but were secretly straining their ears and giving furtive sidelong looks to better witness the conversation between the two royals. Taking the hint, they leaned against the back of the couch to listen in as Charlie's phone continued to ring. At last, they heard a boisterous voice greet the demoness.
"Hey~ bitch!"
Taylor tilted their head at the unexpected greeting.
Charlie returned the address in a strained happy tone while Vaggie gave her an encouraging thumbs up and smile.
"Hi, Dad."
Lucifer spoke animatedly before stumbling on his words a bit.
"Hey. How are you? Oh ho. Where-where are you these days?"
Charlie answered patiently.
"You know where I am, Dad. I've told you before."
They heard Lucifer's voice take on a confused tone as he scrambled to remember and recover.
"You have? Oh, yeah, uh, well, you know, I um uh—"
"I told you when you call me four months ago, or did you not listen?" She said, thoroughly annoyed.
Lucifer sounded a bit panicked before he quickly spoke calmly and made up an excuse for his lack of contact.
"No, no, no, no. Just, you know, just forgot. I've just been really busy! Ya know, with, um… Important things!"
Taylor thought they heard a squeak in the background, making them curious. Charlie turned around to face everyone before she started to speak more energetically and looked towards her audience for support. Angel gave a quick smile and nod while Taylor flashed a thumbs up while mouthing "you're doing great."
"Well, I'm actually running a hotel to rehabilitate Sinners. Maybe you saw our commercial?"
Lucifer spoke quickly as he gave another animated excuse.
"Oh… sadly, I missed it. Heh heh. You know, I haven't been watching much TV lately. Scrambles the brain." He made a silly noise for emphasis before continuing, "But, hey, a hotel! Fun!"
Charlie sighed and decided to get straight to the point.
"Listen, Dad. I've got… kind of a big ask."
Lucifer coughed before replying with pride.
"Yeah, of course! Anything in my power is yours for the asking. You just name it~."
Charlie spoke forcefully and pointed to the sky.
"I need to speak to Heaven. Well, whoever's in charge up there, above Adam, above anybody. I need to go to the top!"
They heard Lucifer panic a bit followed by a string of exaggerated nos as he refused the request.
"Oh! No. No~ no, no, no, no, Charlie, no, no, no. That's, uh hah, no."
Charlie's voice became strained in aggravation before she collected herself and tried to reason with him.
"Look Dad. I don't ask for much, I never have, but this, this, is really important." They saw Angel smile at Charlie's words as Vaggie came closer to hold her hand in a display of support. "It's the most important thing I've ever done. And I…need you. I need your help."
Lucifer's voice sounded uncertain and doubtful.
"I don't know, Charlie."
Charlie, at her wits end, resorted to begging while looking back at the others worriedly.
"Please, just come and see what I'm trying to do. You'll see why it's a really good idea. And Heaven is bound to agree if I get a chance to talk to them. Please, Dad."
Lucifer's tone grew excited, albeit because he missed the point of the invitation.
"Wait. You're… inviting me over? Absolutely! Hoh! I'll be there in an hour!" He answered before hanging up.
Charlie turned around as she put away her phone and spoke optimistically.
"Welp, we have an hour until he gets here."
Vaggie suddenly barked out orders in her drill sergeant voice, causing everyone to stand at attention. In the process, Husk spilled his coffee all over himself and Niffty face-planted off the couch.
"Okay, people! Lucifer is on his way. So, we are going to get this place presentable and we are going to make an amazing impression. Vámonos!"
Everyone scattered to tidy the place up in anticipation of Lucifer's arrival. Charlie summoned a bunch of string lights and balloons to decorate the lobby while Angel made a banner saying "Wellcum Daddy" and a drawing of the King, with Razzle and Dazzle helping to pin it up. As the two goat-dragons flew around, Taylor saw Alastor observing the proceedings from the second-floor balcony with a snarl on his face, but didn't linger as there was still much to do. Husk cleaned up the bar while Niffty swept and tidied up with inhuman speed. Taylor then helped set up a table at the front of the lobby and gave clear instructions to two Eggboiz about when to pop some party poppers. Sir Pentious went to the kitchen to bake some cookies, with Niffty keeping an eye on her own set from within the oven.
Before long, the hour was nearly up as Taylor stood with Husk, Sir Pentious, Niffty, Razzle and Dazzle, three Egg Boiz, and Angel Dust near the table while a cleaned-up Charlie, Vaggie, and Alastor were primed and ready at the door. Angel made his final adjustments to his makeup as he closed his compact to see Niffty staring him down creepily, causing him to recoil back in surprise. Taylor chuckled at the reaction before they heard Charlie take a deep breath to prepare herself.
"Okay everyone, it's showtime!" She proclaimed with a flourish before opening the door.
Lucifer stood at the doorway, brimming with excitement before gleefully shouting her name.
"Chaaarlie!"
"Hey, Da—" Charlie didn't finish before Lucifer brought her into a tight bear hug, causing Charlie to squeak at the pressure. Taylor stifled a laugh as they saw where Charlie's strong embraces came from.
"Oh, it's so good to see you. Ha ha!" He gushed.
"It's uh, good to see you too, Dad." Charlie replied in a strained voice. After quickly pushing him off and catching her breath, Charlie turned to show off the lobby and its occupants with a outstretched arm and a smile.
"Welcome! To the Hazbin Hotel!"
Everyone put on a forced or welcoming smile as the Egg Boiz popped the poppers, but Lucifer didn't notice the effort as KeeKee had distracted him by rubbing against his legs. He crouched down and pet her lovingly, enchanted by her cuteness and speaking in a cutesy voice.
"Oh, hewwo, KeeKee!"
Razzle and Dazzle flew over and Lucifer tickled their chins before scatting and spinning as the goat-dragons followed his hands.
"Razzle, Dazzle." He brought the two in front of him as he regarded them warmly. "Oh, look how much you haven't grown! Still fun-sized. You taking care of my wittle girl?" He cooed before his voice became deep and ominous. "You better be…" he warned before snickering to himself as the two butlers stared obliviously and flew off. It was only then Lucifer walked into the space and spoke in an increasingly uncertain tone of voice.
"Wow, this place sure looks, uh…" he stared a moment at Niffty offering some of her cookies, with one falling to the floor, before turning to look at Angel Dust, unsure what to say, "Uh-huh." He moved on as he continued his inspection and glanced worriedly at the parlor as he tried to same something positive. "Yeah. Uh-huh, ha. It's got a lot of character!" He turned to the bar space, and was immediately repulsed by the sight. "OH! What in the unholy hell is that?!"
Alastor replied as he rose up from the fog in front of Angel Dust.
"Just some of the renovations we had done. Adds a bit of color, don't you think?"
Lucifer looked at Alastor with suspicion before pointing his cane at him.
"And you are?"
Alastor sank into the fog and reappeared behind Lucifer, making him flinch as he turned around quickly. The deer demon shook his cane forcefully, causing Lucifer's hat to fall over his eyes.
"Alastor! Pleasure to be meeting you, sir. Quite the pleasure!" He said as he covertly wiped his hand on his coat in somewhat hidden disgust while Lucifer was busy readjusting his hat. "It's nice to finally put a face to the name." As he continued, Alastor moved his finger and thumb between him and Charlie to emphasize the height difference. "You are much shorter in real life."
Lucifer, unamused, looked toward Charlie for clarification before speaking disdainfully.
"Who is this? Who is this now? Are you the bellhop?"
Alastor took it in stride as he waved off the guess.
"Ha ha, no!" He adjusted his bow tie and indicated to the hotel before speaking to the King of Hell expectantly. "I am the host of the hotel. You might have heard of me from my radio broadcasts."
Lucifer put his hand to his chin in momentarily contemplation before dusting off his sleeve dismissively.
"Hmm. Nope!" He elbowed his daughter in a joking manner. "I guess that's why Charlie called it the Has-been Hotel! Ha ha ha!"
Alastor tilted his body with each laugh before he tried to keep his cool by admiring his claws.
"Ha ha ha! It was actually my idea."
Lucifer mockingly laughed before he insulted the name choice with a grin.
"Ha ha ha! Well, it's not very clever!"
Alastor, pissed off but maintaining a tight smile, laughed in an exaggerated and strained manner before he got in Lucifer's face with narrowed eyes.
"Ha ha! Fuck you."
Lucifer didn't react to Alastor's proximity as he maintained his challenging grin. Sensing that the two were about to come to blows, Charlie cut in to split them up.
"Okay! Okay, anyway." She said as the squabbling duo stood aside and put on façades of indifference. Charlie turned to her father and pushed him away. "Dad, look at this lovely parlor where people can get to know each other and share secrets and stories and intimate feelings!" She said happily as Lucifer genuinely smiled at her. "Without Alastor, we wouldn't have been able to pretty it up this much."
Lucifer's smile dropped at the mention of the deer demon, whom had risen from the fog and walked over to the father and daughter with a pleasant smile back on his face.
"Charlie has a very unique vision. I am happy to fulfill her bizarre requests." He said kindly before placing a hand on her shoulder. Lucifer growled in frustration at the contact.
Charlie, touched at the comment, put her hand on his gratefully. "Oh, thank you, Alastor."
Alastor's eyes gleamed with delight as he enjoyed Lucifer's agitation. As he sang Charlie's praises in a masterfully masked condescending tone, he put a hand to his chest in a gesture of admiration before bringing her close.
"Quite an impressive young lady. We're all very proud of her."
Taylor gritted their teeth as they noticed Charlie drinking up the honeyed words without regard to the demon that was dishing them out.
'Charlie is too trusting for her own good.' They brooded, thinking of their nightmare where Alastor echoed the same words to them.
Lucifer, having had enough of Alastor's closeness to his daughter, cleared his throat and shoved himself forward, slapping Alastor's arm forcefully away and turning the trio around to face the table. Behind everyone, Alastor rubbed his wrist painfully before setting his hands on his microphone.
"Charlie, dear, why don't you introduce me to your OTHER friends?" He requested while pointing to the captive audience to the battle for Charlie's attention. At that moment, Angel tried to snag one of Sir Pentious's cookies before Lucifer got a chance to try one, but the snake demon threw himself atop to protect his work. Taylor, standing beside Sir Pentious and Vaggie, waved Angel away, but they could see he was still interested in pilfering a cookie based on his grin. Charlie approached the table and brought Vaggie forward.
"Oh, yes, of course! This is Vaggie. She's my girlfriend!"
Lucifer's eyes widened in surprise before he sounded pleased to have similar tastes.
"Oh ho, my golly! You like girls? So do I! We have so much in common!" He said excitedly before bringing a nervous Vaggie into a quick hug with a laugh. "You put er' there, Maggie!" He let her go and complimented her to Charlie. "She's so pretty."
Vaggie clutched her chest and eye patch before greeting him demurely.
"Uh, lovely to meet you, uh, sir!"
Charlie indicated toward one side of the table.
"And this is Taylor, Sir Pentious, and Angel Dust, our guests!"
Sir Pentious stood at attention at the mention of his name and saluted to the King.
"Your Majesty!" He yelled before the pressure got to him and he fell over right into his cookies just as Angel Dust snatched one for himself. The spider demon turned to Lucifer and spoke suggestively.
"Heya, short king~"
After checking on Sir Pentious, Taylor raised a hand in greeting.
"Nice to see you again, sir." They said without thinking. When both Lucifer and Alastor's eyebrows quirked up, Taylor realized what they said before correcting themselves. "Oh, sorry, slip of the tongue there. I meant it's a pleasure, sir." They laughed awkwardly before giving a quick bow. Lucifer regarded them for a moment before shrugging with disinterest. Charlie moved on.
"Husk is our bartender, and Niffty is our housekeeper."
The winged cat demon greeted him cordially.
"Nice to meet you."
Niffty, vibrating in anticipation, scurried over and climbed onto Lucifer's coat upon hearing her name.
"Hello." She said before softly chuckling. "I clean." She leaned back and giggled girlishly.
At that moment, the chandelier fell and kicked up a huge amount of dust, making everyone cough. When the particulates cleared, Lucifer and Alastor stood side-by-side as the former laughed amusedly and the latter's eyes narrowed angrily.
"Ha ha ha… all right then." Lucifer chuckled.
With a stomp, the debris and chandelier vanished before Lucifer slid into a blue tent-like atmosphere where Charlie was waiting. Lucifer proclaimed that he, the big boss of Hell himself, was just the person to help her out. With a punch with a pentagram and some magic words, he could get her finest things or rig anything in her favor for a severely discounted price.
Alastor cut in to remind Charlie of his loyalty to her cause since the beginning and how much his daily presence and help got the hotel up and running. He then sang to the strength of their bond and how he saw her as the daughter he never had, earning Charlie's favor and protests from Lucifer. Alastor turned to the King with a sickening grin on his face as he joked that Charlie might as well call him dad.
Lucifer, thoroughly invested in proving he is the father Charlie needs, upped the ante by deftly playing a golden violin, challenging the grinning deer demon. Not to be outdone, Alastor countered with his own nimble-fingered piano piece, only to be interrupted by Lucifer's accordion playing.
Alastor shifted the scene and informed Charlie that when seeking help, the path of least resistance is the smartest course. Lucifer chimed in that that's all well and good, but it's nothing compared to angelic power and your own flesh and blood. Charlie stood amazed as Lucifer spread his six wings for emphasis. Alastor snagged the demoness away to inform her that at times, birth parents are a wash and the family you choose is world's better. Lucifer scoffed at the idea as he tossed Alastor aside with a stream of apple juice. The number devolved into the two fighting over whose song it was to finish before Lucifer got in Alastor's face and called him a tacky piece of shit.
Suddenly, the doors to the hotel burst open as a short and curvy demoness in a flapper-style attire interrupted the two feuding men with her jubilant proclamation that she had finally arrived. Taylor groaned as they realized it was none other than Mimzy, and as she went around the room singing, marching, and throwing streamers in everyone's faces, Taylor shared Husk's look of exasperation of being in her presence. Mimzy finished her solo with a jump off the second-floor balcony and striking a pose as she held the final note under a pink spotlight that appeared from nowhere. Everyone stared at the demoness in bewildered silence before a confused Lucifer uttered a single word.
"Who?"
The spotlight vanished as Mimzy replied in an annoyed tone.
"Didn't you just hear me? Why is everybody gawkin'?" She struck a cutesy pose. "Is it cuz I'm adorable?"
Alastor approached her with arms outstretched.
"Mimzy!"
"Alastoooorr, sweetie, doll-face! So good to see you. How you been? Good? Good." She replied warmly as she sauntered over into Alastor's arms. After a brief but genuine-looking embrace, Mimzy got to the reason of her visit as she took in the lobby's decorations. "Listen, I was in the neighborhood. I heard you were staying at this ritzy slob factory, and I figured I'd stop by, say hi! For old times' sake."
"Of course, sweetheart! Everyone is welcome here!" Alastor replied warmly.
Charlie, curious about the new arrival, spoke out.
"Oh, how nice! So, you two know each other?"
Mimzy brought Alastor close for a moment.
"Oh yeah, we go way back, ran in the same circles when we were alive." She spun, stopping in front of Charlie. "You know, this one used to frequent the club where I used to perform. He's the only one I knew who could pound whiskey like a sailor then keep up with me on the dance floor." She danced a jig at the memory.
"Oh, quite the talent, this gal. Ho ho, you should have seen her in her heyday!" Alastor complimented.
"Hey, watch it tall, dark, and creepy. I'm still in my prime!" She chastised good-naturedly. She then looked out into the crowd and saw Lucifer looking boredly into space. "Oh, oh my stars! Is that Lucifer?" She made her way over, pushing Sir Pentious aside roughly before reaching the King and curtsying. "Move it! Pleased to meetcha, Your Highness." She said graciously before leaning back and whispering to Alastor through gritted teeth. "Alastor, you gotta warn a girl when she's in mixed company." Alastor narrowed his eyes at Lucifer.
The King collected himself and stood regally before addressing her politely.
"Charmed, I'm sure."
Alastor walked up to Lucifer and Mimzy as Alastor spoke to the short demoness.
"As much as I'd love to catch up, Charlie and I have a tour to continue."
Lucifer decided to take initiative and took his daughter by the arms and dragged her forward.
"I'm sure Charlie can handle showing me around!"
Alastor appeared in front of the two before he started to drag Charlie forward himself.
"Nonsense! We started the hotel together, and we'll show it off together. Right, Charlie?"
He let the blonde demoness go so she could be the one to lead the tour.
"Oh, right!" Charlie answered before she, Vaggie, and Lucifer made their way out of the lobby. Alastor turned to Mimzy.
"Why don't you let the others help you settle in, and I'll be back before you know it." He promised before following the tour group.
Taylor started to make their way over too when Angel stopped them.
"Hey Fuoco, where ya goin'?"
"Be part of the tour. How often am I gonna get to be around the actual King of Hell? I'd like to get more than a few words edgewise with the man." They said nonchalantly as they made their way forward.
"Yeah, yeah. Find out what he's into, those wings are really doin' it fer me." He teased as he joined the others at the bar to chat with Mimzy.
Taylor shook their head and chuckled before rushing over to catch up with the others.
'With any luck, I'll get more than a few answers.' They thought with a bit of hope.