Thank you as always to Hollie, your reviews make my day and I hope you continue to enoy this story!
A month was 28 days. 730 hours. 42,839 minutes. That was how long Luke had been in a coma for. But for Jess and Dan it felt so much longer; it felt like a lifetime since they had seen their son open his emerald green eyes; it felt like a lifetime since they had seen their son smile, all cheekiness; it felt like a lifetime since they had seen their son alive.
Every day when Jess and Dan went to the hospital and were told that there had been no change, a tiny slither of their hearts curled up and died. For they knew that the longer it took Luke to wake up, the worse the damage would be, the worse the outcome. Jess knew that the doctors didn't think that her boy would ever wake up again, but she knew they were wrong, they had to be wrong. Doctor's were wrong all the time. Luke was so strong, they just had to give him time, that was all.
Jess was snapped out of her reverie by Dan's voice. She lifted her head off the bed, her hand warm around Luke's cold one.
"Jess honey, come on, wake up. Time to go home." Dan whispered in her ear, prising her away from Luke. This happened everyday. As soon as her shift at work was finished, she would stay with Luke at the hospital until Dan had to physically drag her home to bed. Dan supported Jess through the ICU out to the main ward. "The doctors want to speak to us."
Jess' mind suddenly cleared, "Why? What for?"
"Shh, don't panic. I don't know why. Let's just sit here and Mr Chambers will be with us in a minute." Dan said soothingly, leading Jess to a chair and sitting next to her.
"Mr and Mrs Waite, thank you for waiting. If you want to come through to my office where we can talk privately." Mr Chamber said, leading the couple to his small office. "Take a seat. Now, do you know why I want to talk to you?"
"No, we have no idea." Dan answered, feeling Jess cling onto his hand.
"Right, it's to talk about Luke's prognosis. He's been in a coma for a month now, and there's been no change. He was taken for a brain scan today, and his brain activity is slowly decreasing. The machines are doing all the work, because his body is shutting down. Eventually his brain activity is going to be zero. Do you understand what that means?" Mr Chambers asked.
Jess sat there, staring straight into Mr Chamber's dark eyes. She wondered how many times he had had this conversation with parents like her, "Are you saying that my son is in a vegetative state?"
"Yes. He's at the point now where it is near on impossible that he could wake up and breathe independently, and even if by some miracle he did, he would be severely disabled." Mr Chamber's said delicately.
"He really isn't going to wake up?" Dan asked, shell shocked.
"I'm afraid not. I wanted to talk to you about what we do going forward. Now is the time to start considering either long term management or turning the machines off." Mr Chambers said quietly.
"What? You can't be serious!" Jess cried, standing up quickly, wrenching her hand out of Dan's.
"Jess, sit down..." Dan said, looking up at his wife.
"Sit down?! Did you hear what he just said? They want to turn off Luke's machines! He'll die without them!" Jess said, her voice rising into hysterics.
"I know. I think they're right." Dan said quietly, looking down.
Jess felt like Dan had just got a knife and plunged it into her heart, twisting it as he went. "No, you cannot give up on him! You are his father, you can't just be ok with this?! Now you listen to me and listen closely, you do not have my permission to touch those machines in any way unless it is to help him get better. Do you understand me? If they are turned off or touched without my permission I will arrest you for murder." Jess said menacingly, looking straight at the doctor.
"Mrs Waite..."
"No, I don't want to hear it." Jess cut him off, running out of the doctor's office and through the hospital.
Jess ended up sat on the kerb outside in the warm night air. Her arms were wrapped around her legs, her face pressed into her knees; she was shivering uncontrollably. Not due to coldness but due to fear and anger.
She couldn't believe the doctor had even suggested turning off the machines, that Dan had agreed! She abruptly got up, her hands shaking by her side. She walked out of the dark hospital grounds, not really knowing where she was headed, but anywhere was better than near Dan. She crossed the road, not looking where she was going. A screech of tyres alerted her to the fact that she had almost been hit, but she didn't care.
"Oi!" a male voice said, and Jess could hear it getting closer. "I almost hit you!" Jess ignored the voice and carried on. "Hey! I'm talking to you!" The person put their hand on Jess' shoulder, spinning her around.
Jess looked shocked, "Callum?"
"That was you? You walked straight in front of the car! I nearly hit you!" Callum said, taking in Jess properly.
"Sorry." Jess said, not really sorry, and went to carry on wherever she was going.
"Do you need a lift?" Callum asked, following her.
"No." Jess replied bluntly.
"How's Luke doing?" Callum said gently, not realising what he had just unleashed.
Jess sank down the side of a building, her chest frantically moving with her cries. She wrapped her arms around her stomach, where her son had grown for nine months. She so wished he was still safe inside her, not in this harsh world. Her cries grew louder and louder until she was screaming. Callum crouched down in front of her, placing his hands on either side of Jess' face, making her look at him.
"Talk to me Jess." he said simply, his eyes scanning her face and body for any sign of physical injuries.
"Luke's dying!" Jess wailed, not able to control the sounds coming out of her. It was like all her pain for her son was manifesting itself in these god awful screams, screams which pierced your heart and left you clutching it as if making sure it was still whole. Callum paused in checking, his eyes sweeping back to her face. Passers by stared as they walked past. Callum shifted so he was in front of her, trying to stop them gawking at her.
"I am so sorry, if I had known..." Callum began, taking his hands off her face.
"You would have what? Ignored the fact that he's practically dead already? Ignored the fact that Dan wants to turn off his machines? Ignored the fact that it could have been my own husband's fault that my son is this way?" Jess asked, her green eyes swimming in tears.
Callum couldn't help it, he pulled Jess to him in an enveloping hug. He had wanted to do this for so long, but not in this way. Not while she was hurting, while she was being cleaved in two by her love for her son and her love for her husband. "I'm so sorry Jess. I don't know what else to say."
"There is nothing to say. I have to decide whether to kill my son or not. And I am not ok with that!" Jess cried, her head on Callum's shoulder, tears streaming down her face.
Callum didn't know what to say to her to make her feel better; he could never understand what she was going through. So he just stood there with her, stroking her back, waiting for her cries to stop.
When her cries finally subsided she pulled away, looking down at the ground. She pulled her phone out of her pocket- she had left the hospital an hour ago. She had 10 missed calls from Dan, 5 texts, 2 voicemails. She deleted them all.
"I guess he's worried. Do you want to call him? Do you want me to drive you back to the hospital?" Callum asked.
Jess hesitated, not knowing what she wanted. "Can you drive me home? As long as you're not busy."
"No, I'm not busy. Come on then." Callum guided her to his car, opening the door for her.
"Thanks." Jess said quietly, rubbing her thumb over her necklace, the one with Luke's name on.
Callum pulled up outside Jess' house, looking at the lights that were shining out the downstairs windows.
"Thanks Sarge." Jess said quietly, feeling a bit embarrassed.
"No need to thank me. Listen Jess, I think you should take some time off, maybe you came back to work too soon." Callum suggested.
"That's kind of you Sarge but I need to work, I need the distraction. I'll see you tomorrow." Jess said, avoiding his gaze.
"Are you going to be ok?" Callum asked pointedly, seeing the curtains in what he assumed was the living room had been parted slightly.
Jess followed his gaze, her face defeated. "I'll be fine. I'll see you tomorrow."
She got out of the car and walked to the house, slowly climbing up the three steps to her front door. She could sense Callum watching her. She was about to put her key in the lock when the door was wrenched open by Dan.
"Jess! Where the hell have you been? I called your mobile ten times and the house phone and the station..." Dan started, before tailing off as he saw Callum's car still sitting there. He raised his hand to Callum, a dismissal. Callum held his gaze, before slowly pulling away.
"I'm fine. I'm here now." Jess said mechanically, pushing past him into the house and heading for the kitchen.
"Jess, I'm trying to talk to you, don't walk away from me!" she heard him call from the hallway.
"I don't want to talk to you." Jess said quietly.
She bent down, opening the cupboard with the alcohol in. She had just grabbed the bottle of vodka when she felt something slam into the top of her head. Her knees buckled and she fell onto the wooden floor, the bottle of vodka forgotten as the pain impounded on her senses. She could see blood pooling on the floor, drip, drip, dripping from her head. Her hands covered the place where the blood was coming from; she had no clue what had just happened. She looked up, trying to see if Dan was close enough to call for help, but when she turned she saw his legs right next to her. She looked up to see him standing over her, a blank look on his face.
"I said that I wanted to talk to you. You do not walk away from me." Dan said, a dangerous lilt to his voice, making no move to help her.
Jess pressed the heels of her palms against her eyes, trying to get rid of the excruciating pain at the top of her head. "You said you wouldn't touch me again! You promised!" she managed to get out.
"That was before. How can we make things better if you won't talk to me, hmm? How can I keep my promises when you don't answer my calls and then get dropped home by your Sergeant. That seems awfully convenient that he was in the right place at the right time…or had you called him to you?" Dan asked quietly, stooping so that his face was level with hers.
"Get away from me!" Jess cried, trying to push herself away from him, but her knee slipped in the blood on the floor, and she ended up nearly falling face first to the floor.
"No, you're not going to get away from me again." Dan said, straightening up.
"No please Dan. Leave me alone!" Jess cried as he came closer towards her.
"No. You accused me of hurting Luke when it was an accident, it wasn't my fault!" Dan said, a menacing note in his voice.
"You were drinking when you were supposed to be being a responsible parent! I told you so many times to secure that bookshelf and you kept saying you would and you didn't! YOU DID THIS TO HIM!" Jess screamed. She used all her energy to push herself to her feet, one hand grasping the counter for support. She grabbed a tea towel, trying to push it against the wound on her head.
"No, you did this to him. You should have been home, but you were too busy working. Too busy talking to other men no doubt." Dan accused, stepping over the blood towards her. So it came back to this again. The paranoia and possessiveness.
Jess looked to her right, seeing the butchers block with the knives in. She slowly moved her hand towards them, keeping her eyes on Dan's face. But too late, his eyes dropped and he saw where her hand was heading. He lunged at her, knocking her hand away from the knives, both of them ending up on the floor. Jess was pinned underneath the weight of Dan's body; she tried to fight him, to push him off, but she had no more energy. As the blood left her body, so did her consciousness, and she felt relieved that the pain would soon go as unconsciousness took her. Dan stood up, spitting at his wife's motionless body before stepping over her and leaving the house.
"Jess? Jess are you ok?" Callum called through the letterbox. A neighbour had rung in twenty minutes after Callum had dropped Jess off, worrying that something was wrong next door. There was raised voices and lots of banging. Callum had just finished changing into his uniform when the call went out; the address was given and he knew it was Jess and Dan's house. He took the shout, Nate running out from the station to get in the car.
He sped back the way he had just come. His mind wandered to what Dan had done to her last time, and potentially all the other times he didn't know about, and he dreaded to think what had happened to her now. They skidded to a halt in front of the house, the lights flashing around the quiet, dark street.
"Nate, go quickly find out what the neighbour heard." Callum instructed, running up the steps to the house. "Jess, Jess it's Sergeant Stone. Can you open the door?"
"Sarge, the woman next door just said she heard shouting and banging, and what sounded like Jess saying..." Nate paused to look at what he had written, " "You did this to him." That's what Jess shouted, and then things went quiet again. She thinks she heard the front door go, after the shouting stopped."
"Well there's no answer, I think we should kick it in." Callum said, looking at Nate.
Nate looked unsure, "Sarge it was probably just a normal married couples row."
"I don't think so. I'm kicking it in, whether you want to pretend you knew that I was going to or not is up to you. Move back." Callum ordered, balancing on the top step and holding onto the railing as he kicked his left leg at the door. After two kicks the door gave way, granting entry to the house. "Jess?"
"Jess? It's Nate! Where are you?" Nate shouted into the house. He followed Callum down the hall, peering into the living room, then through to the kitchen. "SARGE!"
Callum sprinted to the kitchen, a gruesome sight meeting his eyes. Jess was sprawled on the floor next to a table, a small pool of blood under her head, her hands sticky with the redness, and another much bigger pool of blood next to an open cupboard a few feet away from her. "Jess? Can you hear me darlin'?" Callum asked, kneeling next to her, shaking her shoulders.
"Sierra Oscar 876, this is an ambulance request. We need an ambulance to 33 Morris Road, that's 33 Morris Road. Woman in her early twenties is unconscious with a severe injury to the head. We urgently require an ambulance. Over." Nate said into his radio, grabbing the tea towel Jess had been using and pressing it against the head wound.
"Jess? Come on, wake up. We need you to open your eyes!" Callum begged, squeezing her shoulders and feeling for a pulse, relieved when he could feel a slow thrumming under his fingers.
"What do you think happened?" Nate asked, his eyes scanning the scene in front of them.
"I can only imagine. Go and search the house, see if Dan is still here." Callum ordered, suddenly so angry, taking over holding the tea towel to her wound. "I'm going to call this in, alright? Sierra Oscar 30 to Sierra Oscar 1?"
"Go ahead Callum." Gina said.
"We're at PC Waite's house. We found her unconscious on the floor in the kitchen after a call from the neighbours reporting a domestic. She's suffered a massive head wound, we've called for an ambulance but she's in a serious way, over." Callum said, his eyes returning to Jess' motionless body.
"Do you know what happened?" Gina asked, running to the Sergeants office to inform Smithy.
"No, the neighbour just said she could hear shouting and banging and then it went quiet. The paramedics are here, I'll update you when we get to the hospital. Over." Callum said, shouting for the paramedics. "She's through here."
"Alright darling, what happened?" a female paramedic with short blonde hair asked.
"We kicked the door in and found her in here about five minutes ago. She's been unconscious throughout." Nate replied, returning to the kitchen as the woman knelt next to him, slipping oxygen onto Jess' face. "Sarge there's no one else here." Callum nodded in acknowledgement.
"Alright, my name is Dixie, this is Jeff. What's her name?" Dixie asked.
"Jess, her name is Jessica Waite. She's 25 years old." Callum said, watching as Dixie and Jeff worked on Jess, connecting her to various pieces of equipment.
"Jess? Can you hear me darling? We're paramedics, we're going to look after you and take you to hospital." Dixie said to Jess' prone body, checking the rest of her body for injuries.
"Thanks mate, can I just take a look at her head?" Jeff asked, a gauze pad in one hand. Callum moved his hand away, only a small amount of blood oozing out the wound now. "Alright princess, I'm just going to put this bandage around your head to stem the bleeding."
"Can she hear you?" Nate asked, moving out the way.
"Possibly. We're going to get her to the hospital now, does one of you want to come with us?" Dixie asked, lifting Jess onto the stretcher with Jeff.
"Sarge?" Nate questioned.
"Yeah, you go with them Nate, I'll meet you at the hospital. We need to get CSE down here anyway and organise door to door to see if anyone has any doorbell cameras or anything that might have caught when Dan left and which direction he went." Callum said with a nod. He watched as Jess was wheeled out on a stretcher, closely followed by Nate. And then he was alone with his thoughts. Dan was going to wish that Callum wouldn't be the one to find him first.
Jess awoke a few hours later in an unfamiliar place. She blinked a few times, trying to get rid of the sandpaper feeling on her eyes. Once that had cleared, she tried to sit up, but was struck by nausea and a relentless throbbing in her head. She laid back down, shutting her eyes again, trying to breathe through the waves of nausea attacking her.
"Jess? Are you awake?" she heard a voice say to her.
She opened her eyes again, looking to her left where the voice had come from. Sat on a chair next to her bed was the Inspector. "Ma'am?" she said weakly.
"It's ok, don't try and talk. You're in the hospital. Do you remember what happened? Just nod or shake." Gina said.
Jess tried to think back, but all she could remember was being with Callum after running off from the hospital. She shook her head.
"Alright, that's ok. Callum and Nate found you in your kitchen, you were unconscious. Your neighbour had rung in about the shouting and banging coming from the house. Do you remember that?" Gina asked gently.
Jess cast her mind back, and then she remembered what had happened. Callum had driven her home, she'd ignored all of Dan's calls and messages. She hadn't been listening to him and had gone to get a drink and he got mad, slamming the kitchen cabinet door into her head. She slowly nodded, biting her lip to stop the tears. "He slammed the cabinet door into my head."
Gina sat in silence, shocked, "Who Dan?"
Jess nodded, "I wasn't listening to him, that's why." She didn't care that the Inspector didn't know about the domestic abuse, she just wanted it to be over.
"Ok, I'm just going to be outside, I need to talk to Callum." Gina said, touching Jess' hand before leaving the cubicle. Jess sat up, slower this time, needing to see Luke, to make sure that Dan wasn't with him. She slipped out of bed, peering through the gap in the cubicle curtain to see where the Inspector was. She stood for a moment, letting the dizziness pass.
Taking some deep steadying breaths she pulled off the monitors that were on her, switching them off as they started alarming. She was hooked up to a drip as well- she unscrewed it but knew removing the cannula would be too messy.
Once her head had cleared a bit she peeked through the curtain again. She could see Inspector Gold talking to Callum at the other end of the ward. Jess took the opportunity to check round the cubicle, looking for her clothes and phone. She found them, pulling on her bloody clothes and slipping her phone into her pocket. She slipped out of her cubicle, using the wall as a support as she made her way out of AE and into the main hospital. She slowly headed through the now familiar corridors, stopping every couple of minutes, until she reached the PICU. There, sat on a chair next to Luke's bed was Dan. She buzzed at the door to be let in, the nurse recognising her and letting her through.
The nurse took in her bloody clothes, the cannula in her hand, the hospital bracelet on her wrist and the bandage on her head and immediately looked concerned. "Mrs Waite, are you ok? Should you be here? Where have you come from?"
"I'm fine, thank you Jenny. I've been discharged." Jess lied, walking into Luke's room. Jenny did not look convinced. She picked up the phone and dialled a number, but Jess didn't hear who she was talking to as she slowly shut the door. She looked at Dan and he looked at her. It was as if that evening had never happened as she held Dan's gaze, tears streaming down his face, one of Luke's hands pressed to Dan's cheek. He looked away as Jess stepped further into the room, a disgusted look on his face. He gently put Luke's hand down, getting up and heading to Jess.
"I am so, so sorry. I don't know what the hell came over me." Dan begged, his hands taking hers. Jess nodded quickly, the movement making her feel sick again. Dan saw the colour drain from her face, and he guided her over to the chair, easing her down. He looked at her in concern, taking in her injuries, what he had done to her. Again.
"I give my consent." Jess said quietly, and at first Dan wasn't sure if he had heard her correctly.
"What?" he questioned.
"He's not going to wake up is he?" Jess asked, breaking down into tears. Dan knelt in front of Jess, stroking her cheek before pulling her into an embrace. She was rigid in his arms. He stroked her back, tracing soothing patterns that he knew she liked. Slowly she softened into him, before hugging him, her head dropping onto his shoulder.
"No, he's not." Dan said sadly, and Jess could hear his voice breaking as well.
"I don't want him to suffer anymore." Jess cried.
"Me either." Dan agreed.
"But I'm too selfish. I need him! I don't know how to be without him. I'm his mum, I should be able to protect him from everything. Why can't I protect him from this?" Jess gasped, panic rising quickly.
"I know, honey. We both need him, our son. But we need to do this for him. I can't watch him disappear in front of our eyes. I can't bear it." Dan said gently.
"The thought that I'm never going to see his eyes again, or see his smile or hear his laugh kills me. I'm never going to have a sleepy cuddle ever again. I don't know how I'm going to carry on." Jess sobbed. She pulled back from Dan, turning towards her son. She leaned over towards Luke, stroking his hair with one hand, while holding his other hand to her lips, pressing kisses to the back of his hand. Tears streamed down her face, dripping onto the bed sheets. Dan slowly walked around to the other side of the bed, sitting in the chair and taking Luke's other hand in his.
"We don't have to decide anything right now Jess, if you need more time." Dan said quietly.
"All the time in the world still wouldn't be enough." Jess whispered.
They sat in silence for a few minutes before Dan called Jess' name.
"What?" Jess asked, looking into Dan's grey eyes.
"I really am sorry for everything. I know I say it every time, and it still happens again, but I truly am sorry. This is not the kind of man I want to be, that I thought I would be. It's not the kind of man I wanted my son to see, and to copy. I don't know why you keep taking me back." Dan said sadly.
"Neither do I, but I think it's love." she said quietly.
In AE, Callum and Gina were finishing a coffee, waiting for the nurse to come out of Jess' cubicle so they could go in and see if she would make a statement.
"How did we not see this?" Gina said out loud, throwing her cup in the bin. Callum looked at her. "Did you know?"
"I found out the day that Lawrence attacked her at the station. I followed her into the toilets to see if she was ok, and there were bruises on her face and neck. She then showed me all the bruising on her stomach and ribs. She wouldn't report it though, I tried to get her to. I don't think that was the first time either." Callum said, watching the look of shock and then disgust appear on Gina's face.
"Why didn't you say anything? Why didn't she come to me? I could have helped her. " she said.
"She didn't tell anyone ma'am, I don't think even Sally knew, and they're close. I completed an anonymous safeguarding referral, for Luke. But when I said to her that I had to escalate this, she said that she would deny everything if I said anything. She said she'd make out that I had a vendetta against Dan. We know that she knows how to play the system, she's not stupid. Somehow even with the abuse she still loved Dan. She still went back to him."
Gina sat in silence, trying to comprehend everything Callum had said, "Well perhaps this will be the final time that she goes back to him. Right Sergeant Stone, let's go and see if she's ready for us to take a statement."
They got up and headed towards the cubicle when the nurse looking after Jess approached them.
"I'm sorry officers but she's gone. PICU has just called, and it seems she's made her way up there. She's sat in with her son, her husband is also there. The nurse is going to go and check on her." the nurse relayed.
"She's in no fit state to be walking anywhere!" Gina said, shaking her head. The officers looked at each other before hurrying to the PICU.
Gina and Callum arrived at PICU, being let in by the nurse on duty.
"She's in there with her son and husband. She doesn't look great but she won't leave. She's let me check her over but she really does need to go back downstairs." the nurse, Jenny, said.
"Thank you, we'll see if we can take her back down." Callum said, nodding at the nurse.
"Callum, I'll go in. You wait here." Gina said, tucking her hat under her arm as she approached the room Jess was in. She gently knocked on the door before entering.
Jess and Dan turned to face the door, their face's dropping as they saw Gina.
"Ma'am." Jess said hoarsely, turning back to Luke.
"PC Waite. You're not fit enough to be up here, they're not finished checking you over downstairs. Come on, I'll get a wheelchair and we'll get you back down there." Gina said softly, feeling like she was coaxing a scared animal away from a predator.
"Thank you ma'am but I'm not leaving Luke. I've self discharged." Jess replied.
"Jess please, you're so pale, please let them finish checking you over." Gina implored, stepping further into the room, her eyes drifting to Luke.
"She's said she's not leaving Inspector, please listen to her." Dan said, earning a glare from Gina.
"Respectfully Mr Waite, I did not ask you." Gina said sternly.
Jess turned to Gina, "Can we not do this in front of my dying son, please. Ma'am, I'm not leaving Luke. I won't be making a statement, that is the end of it. Please leave us in peace so I can spend as much time as possible with my son."
Gina took a deep breath before nodding. Without Jess' statement, without her pressing charges there was nothing more Gina could do. She walked over to Jess, resting her hand lightly on Jess' shoulder. "I'm sorry PC Waite. I'll check in with you in the morning."
Gina left, shutting the door quietly behind her.
"Well?" Callum asked.
Gina shook her head, "She won't leave, she won't go and get checked again. She said she's self discharged. She also said she won't provide a statement."
Callum's jaw tightened, "The same as last time. Maybe if we give her some time she'll change her mind."
"Maybe." Gina said, both of them knowing that Jess would not change her mind. "Right we better go then. Our shift finished hours ago. Come on." With that, the two officers left, closely watched by Dan.