Divide and conquer.

It was something that even Yato with his most likely small brain could understand. Naturally he didn't really cared about it in a combat sense, since he was the best... or close to the best, but it could be a useful strategy in other situations.

Like having to convince your harem of concubines to not end the world.

Yato took out his cellphone. Since he didn't know their exact locations... and plans... this was his most powerful tool.

The Campione of Japan did not know this, but one of his brothers had an authority custom built to destroy modern technologies. So in a way he was relying on something that could even be worthy of a Campione's attention.

Now who should he call first? Aoko since she was his fiancee, or Rin because she was his first concubine...? Or alternatively, someone completely different.

There was one thing he knew, he had to start with something easy. He had to slowly break the chain by abusing the weak links until nothing was left!

"You were... wise to call me first, Yato." His childhood friend smiled. "Though I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, when it comes to matters like toying with women's hearts, you are always wise."

That's right, the first girl he had contacted was Luvia. She was possibly the only girl in his harem who he could see being completely acceptant of never becoming a wife, and of a new hierarchy being developed. She was a noble through and through, and so she knew sometimes that was just how things worked.

She was also immensely loyal due to her pride, and wouldn't take this opportunity to pounce. Unless she could do it by herself, of course.

He scratched his cheek. "How does this involve toying with the hearts of women?" He was just trying to fix his harem. There was nothing wrong with that.

She scrunched her eyebrows together. "It does in every way imaginable. Though we should leave that for latter... What exactly is your plan anyways? If you have one." If he didn't, then she would come up with something.

He sighed. "So far I haven't really thought about it too much. I think I should separate everyone, so I can deal with them more easily, but that's about it... Oh, and dad said I shouldn't tell anyone I was going on a date with a hot foreigner instead of dealing with this mess."

Luvia clicked her tongue. "I see...! He is right about that, just for the record!" Good to know!

She took a deep breath, it seemed she got mad for some reason. "Ugh... Anyways, about the plan. Why don't you ask the girls on some dates?" Well, that sounded fun. "Everybody back there is worried about not being treated like equals."

"So with this you can show you plan on giving them as much attention as you always did." He almost never went on dates though.

Yato raised a hand. "I don't plan on giving them the same amount of attention." Also, he just went on a date. He was pretty sure going on another was mentally unhealthy or something.

Luvia growled. "Right... naturally!" Okay, it was good that she understood. "But in this case you should do what all bastards without morals who toy with girl's hearts do." Be comically evil? "Lie." Oh.

Yato hesitantly nodded. "I suppose desperate situations call for desperate solutions." Lying to his concubines was fucked, but he had no option if he wished to keep manipulating them into sleeping with him. "By the way, Luvia, do you wanna go in a date."

The mage silently glared at him. "I..." And then finally relented with a sigh. "Sure. I want to go on a date with you."

His plan was already working...

The last time Yato went on a date with Luvia, he had been unprepared... This time he was also unprepared, but he thought he was winging it better at least.

And hey, what he was experiencing was also kind of hot. Sort of...

Luvia had her thighs on his neck after all. Even if she was using them to try and suffocate him. "Give up Yato! Surrender now!" Look, she was so happy that she wasn't even calling him by some super respectful title.

"Gah...!?" He was trying to surrender, but he didn't know how to. It also didn't help that he couldn't see things either...

His vision was starting to go white... Heh, it would be sort of depressing if he died like this, his reputation as a Campione would be sent to the grave right with him at least. That said... there were also benefits to dying by too much woman thigh!

Luvia, who was clearly getting worried, released him. "Hey Yato, are you alright!?" Yep, she was worried alright, but she was also sweating and smiling. So he considered this a win.

His idea of doing her favorite activity had paid off. They were wrestling!

Now freed, he could nod. "Yeah, I'm alright...!" He sat up. "I was just choking for a bit." Geez, that had been scary.

She sat right next to him. "What do you mean you were choking!? Why didn't you tell me!?" He was trying to! "And why didn't you at least use your strength to overpower me or something?" Right, that was also a thing he could have done.

He waved her off. "Don't worry, like I said I'm alright. As for the strength thing... that takes the fun outta of this." He smiled. "Right now I'm just Yato. Your master! Not some Campione!" Yep.

She sighed. "I don't think I can separate those two..." Fair enough. Maybe he should have told her to think of the two of them like childhood friends playing around instead?

"Still... thanks for this, Yato." Yay, success! "Hah... fighting you makes me think of what it could have been you know?"

He raised an eyebrow. "What could have been?" A universe where she murdered him!?

"Yeah... Like..." She looked down. "The truth is that I thought you were just a normal boy back then, I definitely couldn't have seen you becoming a Campione." She giggled. "Even though I did know you were more talented than people gave you credit for!" Did she now!?

"So... it's kind of easy to imagine me stumbling onto you during a normal day, learning you have some talent for swordsmanship, and then taking you along for adventures!" She puffed her chest full of pride. "Before I got here, I used to get into fights all the time you know?"

"Though... I guess since you actually beat the boss in the first place, you were always much stronger than me." She snorted. "And to think I used to think I was the one in front when we were kids."

Yato chuckled. "That's funny! I used to think the same thing when I was a kid!" He still thought it to a certain extent. Nowadays his view was more nuanced however.

He was a swordsman, a fighter. And there were very few people who could stand on the same level as him... but swordsmanship wasn't something that great anyways. Nor was it something he put a lot of effort into and was therefore proud of it.

"And another thing. If you take my strength as a Campione out, I'm not actually that strong." He clenched his fists. "I don't know a lick of magic. I don't actually have tons of skills outside of swordsmanship, and my combat strategy is just asking everyone else for help."

He continued. "So teaming up with you would have been fun... guess that's doomed to not happen though." Not that he disliked being a Campione of course.

He was just trying to be aware of his own flaws. A blade must know where its brittle.

Luvia pouts. "Yato, fake humbleness is unfit for a Campione!" Fake!?

He looked away. "I really am not that great you know? It's not like I beat the god fairly... it's more like the god fairly lost to me..." Looking back on it, he wanted a rematch. "I taunted him, and he decided to fight just as a normal human. And then he lost." Just like Yato just lost to Luvia.

Luvia snorted. "I think that's still amazing in its own way." Like Charisma. "Hey Yato... wanna go back to wrestling?" Not really, it was gonna hurt.

"Sure."

Yato raised his cellphone to the heavens. "And so date one has been accomplished!" It felt like catching a Pokémon! Or like... re-catching one. Which wasn't really a thing.

Luvia who just finished taking a bath, yawned. "Yes, congratulations my Campione." His target clapped. "I enjoyed it. Beating you up was cathartic." W-wow, how amazing!

Yato smirked. "Good to know..." He could always reuse dating ideas. Well, the wrestling part would have to be adapted if need be.

He continued. "But now it is time for me to move-on! Who do you think I should attack next, Luvia?" She was both his first target, and his greatest ally after all.

Yet another yawn escaped her. "I think you should leave that for tomorrow, let's go to sleep." It was true that night had fallen...

In fact, Yato had even rented a hotel for him and Luvia. Since it would be dangerous to permanently live on the mansion until he pivoted the Soviet Harem into something that actually worked. With that said, did he really have the kind of time to waste sleeping!?

Luvia continued. "Besides, there's plenty of fun to be had with just the two of us staying together in a hotel..." She suddenly didn't sound so tired anymore.

Alas, Yato did not have the time for this. "Calm down Luvia! Before I can go back to a life of debauchery, I must save it!" He sighed. "Though if you find this late, there is a great chance most of my harem is already asleep..." Or dead.

Luvia pouted. "Right. What I was expecting..." His childhood friend started mumbling to herself. "Am I... am I unattractive or something? I hate to admit, but at this point this is an emergency..." The fall of the Soviet Harem was an emergency!

Yato put a hand to his chin. "So, what do you suggest we do next, Luvia?" It was time for her wisdom!

"Didn't you already say they are probably asleep?" A quick and reasonable answer...

"Yes, and I was hoping you could fix that... Or know how to make that a non-issue." Obviously waking them up was out of the question. Especially since some of them like Caren may even be pregnant!

Luvia hummed. "I guess you could... go after the Servants? They don't need sleep after all." Oh, that was true. "You just need to pick the right Servant of course... First of all, let's exclude Saber."

He raised an eyebrow. "What's the problem with my beautiful young sister of British descent... um... Wales descent... um... Island person descent?"

Luvia shrugged. "There isn't a problem, she just doesn't matter." Oi. "She wasn't affected at all by this whole marriage thing after all." Mostly because she still didn't care much about Yato besides how good his (ghost) dick felt that one time, and about how she didn't want to abandon her master.

Yato smiled. "Wow, what a diligent and smart young sister I have." So Saber could be pushed to the back.

Luvia rolled her eyes. "Sure... Which leaves us with two other targets. Skadi and Cleopatra." The goddess and the queen who claimed to be a reincarnation of a goddess.

"Cleopatra is should be a easy target. If she really is the lovesick fool she presents herself as at least." Luvia clicked her tongue. "I can never get a read on that woman. Which makes sense I suppose, she is the Cleopatra after all. And a Assassin at that.

Luvia crossed her arms. "What do you think about her, Yato? You can be surprisingly insightful at times."

He didn't know about that, but sure. "If she likes you she's stupid, if she dislikes you she's smart." That was how he felt about her at least. It was what his special girl toying instincts were telling him!

"And does she like you?" Ah.

"That's a pretty complicated question if I'm being honest." Normally he would answer yes, but... "It depends on how much effect the fall of the Soviet Harem has had on her." And she could totally fake being super sweet to caught him off-guard.

Though even if she did, it wouldn't be too troublesome. He doubted any poison she could make in such a short-period of time would be effective at all, and she definitely couldn't take him in a straight fight. Which meant any manner of combat would just be an excuse to correct her. With his penis. As was Campione nature.

"What the hell is a Soviet Harem?" Luvia was one of those uneducated people who didn't know what she was living!? Though even in the Soviet Union many people only learned of its fall way later...

She shook her head. "It doesn't matter." It does. "Cleopatra is like a coin toss then...? Well, that's still better than Skadi." No, they were equal because-.

Oh wait, the Soviet Harem didn't exist anymore.

Yato just had to accept that. "What's so bad about Skadi?" Recently he just faced many trials that insisted upon beating on his head about how she was the best.

The mage looked away. "It's just that... to be honest, I can't say much about her." Right, she did evade them all. "To my eyes it just seems like she went from frigid to even more frigid. So maybe start with the coin toss."

Yato chuckled. "No, let's start with Skadi." It may be stupid of him to argue back with his current advisor, but he felt like he was definitely gonna be right on this one.

"Oh, why?" Since Luvia guessed her Campione knew more about the goddess, she was willing to listen...

Well, she was hopeful he knew more about the goddess. Maybe their relationship was built upon solely a desire for carnal pleasure, and a Campione putting a divine being on their place... Luvia was completely right of course, she was just forgetting about the trauma part of the equation.

Yato smirked. "Isn't it obvious...? Because she's a super bomb just waiting to blow up. Seriously, ignoring stuff like this is how I got into this mess in the first place."

And he didn't even want to think about how he had another furry bomb he hadn't even gotten close to disarming. Love truly was war.

He had sent to her only one message.

"Come and meet me."

And then also a location, which made it more than one message, but it was just a bonus, or a different disk. Yeah, it was like those days where games came in multiple disks.

The location he sent was... some random alleyway where they could meet. She was a goddess, so she wouldn't face any danger coming there.

The truth is that he didn't outright invite her to a date out of fear she would say no, then wake up everyone and ruin this whole thing by telling them. Something like that could have finished the rise of the Capitalist Harem.

Skadi had arrived. She looked around. "Husband...?" Her tone of voice sounded weird... it lacked the eternal thirst for vengeance he was expecting.

From up above, he jumped.

It was like a prince coming from the heavens... maybe... he and Luvia looked around and bought some nice things for him to wear. He doubted he could actually impress a goddess, but he had to at least look presentable.

Skadi gasped at his entrance. "Snowy husband...!" She was still using nicknames? That was definitely a good sign.

He kneeled. "My beloved." It was kind of impressive how he could say such shameless things. "I have been waiting for you." In a dark alleyway.

It kind of ruined the atmosphere, didn't it? But he had to make it due with the tools he had!

Skadi took a step back in shock. "You were...?" He hoped that was the good kind of shock.

He took her hand, and lightly kissed. "Yes. My very being was desperately waiting to be graced with your presence yet again." He hoped Luvia's script was working. Memorizing it all had been pretty hard.

Tears came out of Skadi's eyes. "You..." Please be good tears! Please do not be tears of rage! "You are going to divorce me, are you not!?" Oh, they were just tears of sadness.

"H-huh? What gave you that idea?" He was acting all princely and stuff! Soon he would even talk about how she was the Moon to his Sun! Or maybe the Moon to his Earth... he didn't like the Sun anymore.

Tears were freely descending from her eyes. "Because my beloved beautiful husband who is very loved would never try to act like a romantic!" Well... she was clearly just wrong, since he was trying that right now. "Normally he would just force me down in this dirty alleyway and fill my divine womb with his filthy Campione seed!" Hey, he would at least take her somewhere clean!

Probably.

"W-which means you are forcing yourself! And there's only one reason you would force yourself!" Because he really loved her...? "Because you are trying to gently let me down and end this marriage...!" Was he gentle or a brute!?

But he understood what was happening.

The reason why he had come here trying to act like a prince charming was due to the assumption she would be frothing at the mouth with anger. He had been wrong however, Skadi's anger had quickly faded, been replaced with panic and sadness.

Which meant there was only one thing he could do. Rock her world until she was happy again!

"Skadi... Let's go on a date!"

AN: Date A Goddess.