It's been another few months, and the incident that happened after the wedding hasn't happened again. I tried to remember what happened, but every time I concentrate on it, I start to drift off to another topic. The part of the wedding that's the most difficult for me to remember is when I was walking down the aisle. I saw something. Something I didn't want to remember. I tried to ignore it, and I figured I could do that without any problems, but it kept coming back to me. That's all I really remember.

But something major happened again. Katsuki's mom died of a heart attack a few days ago. I've never seen him like this before. He's so distant. He stares off into space for a while sometimes. He sometimes just sits on the couch and stares at the floor for a few hours. This time, I'm the one keeping an eye on his health and safety. It doesn't feel right.

I don't know how to comfort him. I don't know what to say to him. I don't know how to help him. I've never been able to grieve before. The closest I've gotten was Touya, but I was too young to truly understand the weight of what had happened.

Mitsuki was always nice to me, and she always seemed to be concerned about how I was doing, but I didn't interact with her as much as I should've. Back when Endeavor abused me, she assured me her house was a safe environment, and that she'd show Katsuki her wrath if he made me feel unsafe. She's a lot different from Mom and Fuyumi, but I see where Katsuki got his personality from.

I'm not sad that she's dead. It makes more sense since I wasn't incredibly close with her, but I wish I felt just a little bit of sorrow

I hug Katsuki like he hugs me, and he only sometimes reciprocates. It's like he's too distracted by his mind to even realize reality. Is this what grief does to you? I don't even think he's cried once, which is unusual for him.

The loss of his mother went over the news. He watched that on the TV, but I don't think he was actually watching what was happening. I asked if he needed anything, but he shook his head. I hugged him, and he didn't reciprocate. We stayed like that as the muted TV played in front of us, but neither of us watched what was happening.

He's also been drinking more. I take away the alcohol before he can drink too much, though.

I should feel horrible. Sad, at least. Katsuki's going through so much. No one expected to suddenly lose Mitsuki like this. My husband is grieving. It's like he wants to cry everything out, but he's too empty to do that. I know how that feels, but in a different way.

I think we're both getting a slice of each other's lives through the loss of Mitsuki. It was bound to happen at some point, but no one expected this to come so soon. Our classmates have sent us some nice things and messages, but I don't think Katsuki's in a place to care right now. Sometimes, he even gets angry about it. He'll be himself—which, right now, isn't himself—but sometimes I offer to do things for him, or I'll give things to him like food or non-alcoholic drinks, and he suddenly lashes out.

Whenever he does lash out, it always ends with me hugging him, him muttering about how I should be angry at him, and eventually, him pushing me away and going to sleep. I always make sure he wakes up to a nice meal ready for him, even if he told me to fuck off and stop bringing him things before. He always ends up eating whatever I made.

I don't know why he gets so angry about me just taking care of him, though. Maybe it's just his ego, and he doesn't want to think that he needs my help. Maybe he feels so awfully pitiful because he can't really take care of himself right now.

I've taken a break from my job to focus on Katsuki, and honestly, it's been nice not having to work. It's the same thing at the same time over and over again. I've never felt any sparks of warmth when I've been working. Clearly, I should find a job that I'm interested in over one that's going to exacerbate the state I'm trying to break out of. So, note to self: don't stick with jobs that you're so neutral about that it might as well be a time-killer.

It's kind of cruel how I'm starting to leave my chains of emptiness and numbness, and Katsuki's being weighed down by them as if those heavy chains are slithering from me to him.