Chapter 78 – Deja Vu

- 2 days before the start of the war. -

At least Isabelle looked dead. Her chest moved slightly. So slightly that with my failing eyesight I had to triple check to be sure. The pulse in her neck was so low that another sob immediately pressed against the inside of my lips.

"No. That can't be. She was alive," I muttered to myself, unable to turn to Adam. "We left the realm together. She should've woken up long ago. She–"

Panic raced through my veins like the heat of a red-hot iron rod. Why was I so comparatively well? The rune shouldn't have weakened her any more than it weakened me, in fact even less, since I had created it. What if she didn't wake up? What was wrong with her?

"We have to take her to the Silent Brothers," I whispered. Adam next to me didn't move. My face snapped around and I stared at him with every ounce of willpower I could summon. " Now!"

To my surprise, Adam didn't ask any substantive questions, as I would have expected given his inquisitive nature. "What, should I just leave you lying here? You can barely walk!"

"Hear me now, Adam, and do exactly as I say." My voice was not human. "You stand up now, help me to my feet, and then you lift Isabelle. We're taking her to the Silent Brothers. If you don't help me now, Adam, I swear I will kill you, as surely as the Archangels help me."

Adam nodded. "Of course, Clary. No need to get violent."

A minute later, I clung tightly to Adam's arm, struggling to keep up as he carried an unconscious Isabelle in his arms. We wandered through the corridors of the library. Time seemed to crawl by at a snail's pace, my legs demanding too much strength for my eyes to focus sharply. As my chilled face was met by a fresh breeze, I spotted the first milestone.

The library was located at Angel Square just like the Basilias. Under normal circumstances, it was less than five minutes away.

"Faster, Adam," I demanded, even though I could barely keep up with him. Every fiber of my body was begging for release. I wanted nothing more than to simply collapse onto the cold stone floor. As long as it meant that I didn't have to put any more weight on my feet, it would have been worth it.

Adam's feet sped up just a fraction. It was enough to almost knock me off my own. My fingers dug harder into the coat of his upper arm. I had left mine in the library; there hadn't been time for that. It wasn't far, I tried to tell myself over and over. For her sake.

If she died, it would be solely my fault. I couldn't have Isabelle's death on my conscience. I wouldn't recover from that. It would destroy me like an endless storm of knife stabs, piercing deeper and deeper into my skin without ever fully breaking through.

A gasp snapped me out of my jumbled thoughts, but when I looked up, all I saw before my eyes was a dancing sea of smeared dark colors. I had to stand still to make out anything.

"What's wrong?" The syllables scraped and rasped over my vocal cords. This state of incapacity reminded me somewhat of the feeling of alcohol in my veins, except I felt my muscles and joints all too clearly, and every small movement seemed to drive another nail into my coffin. Already, I wondered how many steps it would take before I collapsed. I knew I wouldn't make it to the Basilias. I had challenged my abilities, endangered Isabelle and myself, when I had dared challenge the Heavens. This was the consequence. Ithuriel was right. Who was so arrogant to think they could catapult themselves into the league of angels with their abilities?

"There's hardly anyone here," Adam replied over the howl of the wind. "So close to the war, everyone's busy. The Clave has obligated everyone, assigned tasks to everyone. Which means no one has time to simply stroll through the city."

Which meant there was no one to help us. "You said ... hardly anyone." The ground was damp, and the accompanying cold clung smoothly to the bottom of my boots, throwing me off balance. The wind tugged at my clothes, at my legs, as if it wanted to knock me over.

"... a small group across the square. I could shout, but I don't think they would hear us over the storm."

Storm? I had only half listened to Adam. The weather had been so spring-like this morning. It was so easy to recall the birdsong in my mind's eye.

Suddenly the world fell apart before my real eyes. "Watch out!" Adam's muffled cry sent an electric shock through my body and my arm was all that was holding me upright. When I opened my eyelids, I could suddenly see his dismayed features almost clearly in front of me. We staggered across the square for a few seconds and somewhere in the back of my mind I realized that we had made it about a quarter of the way. Disillusionment was eating me up almost as much as guilt.

Seeing Adam sent a guilty feeling through my veins. His right arm was clinging tightly to Isabelle's body, while with the other he had released her just enough to reach for me. "Stay awake, Clary," he pleaded breathlessly. The billowing wind ruffled his brown hair, underscoring the desperation in his tone. "Hold on to me."

Hesitantly, his fingers released me and slid back under Isabelle's knees. I dug my hands into his coat more tightly than before, vowing to hold out this time. Finally, we started moving again. Slowly at first, then faster with every meter. As fast as my stumbling, sliding, clumsy feet would allow.

The sudden energy in my blood didn't last twenty meters. Wherever my body had dug out this last adrenaline rush, it was lost in the exertion and the weather. My clear vision was the first to disappear. Where the fountain in the middle of the square had just been, the blurred outlines of a large, gray shape now flickered.

One step. Two steps. Three steps. The fact that I first miscounted and then lost track of things was a testament to my state of health. I tried to look within myself and summon up every spark of reserve strength to haul myself forward, foot by foot. But nothing could be gained from an empty store.

"Half," Adam muttered, more to himself than to me, although his voice sounded informative. But I didn't miss the fact that it lacked the perspective that was usually so present. Adam's breathing was heavy. Carrying almost three times his body weight would push even the strongest Nephilim to their limits.

By now I was staggering more than walking. And although every fiber of my body protested, my dwindling stamina forced me to place more and more of my weight on Adam. Just as I was wondering how long he could bear this triple burden, another question suddenly forced itself to the fore. My brain was working on a low flame. The words were swirling around it, stretching out like chewing gum, making it difficult to think clearly at all. So it took a while for a coherent structure to emerge.

Wouldn't it be more effective to just collapse here and now to stop hindering Adam further? My failing body was a burden that could cost Isabelle her life. As far as I could tell, apart from a lot of energy, I didn't lack anything vital – at least I assumed so. I could probably lie here outside for some time and wait for Adam's return. Something that wasn't the case for Isabelle.

In a split second, I made my decision. My fingers released Adam's upper arm spasmodically; the knuckles stiff and rigid like poorly oiled gears. Immediately after, I stumbled towards the ground. Without his support, I couldn't stand on my own. Adam, holding Isabelle in his arms, couldn't hold me and just spun around in horror as I crashed onto the wet ground.

The outstretched palms of my hands did little to cushion the fall. They buckled to the side as soon as my full body weight succumbed to gravity. A single violent jerk shot down my back and then I hit with such force on my chin that I saw stars.

For a hair-raisingly long moment, I thought I was lying in one of the alleys where Blake and his friends had intercepted me a few weeks ago. Not today. Even though this place wasn't far away.

"Clary!" Adam's hoarse voice would have been a cry if he hadn't been so exhausted. "Get up. Come on. It's not much further. I promise."

At that moment, far from our conflicts, arguments and disagreements, his plea left a cut in my heart, like the claws of a predator that had dealt me the death blow with its paw.

My jaw throbbed and glowed, grinding me down in a whole new kind of pain. Bone. There was something wrong with my jawbone. Holy shit. All I saw were bright flashes of light and white dots dancing in front of my eyes. With an intensity that seemed like they would never stop.

I pulled my arms up heavily and rolled myself onto my back. A broken, wheezing breath left my throat as the sky spread out above me. The cold and wetness on my back made my body tremble. Now I wished I had brought my coat with me.

"Clary!" Adam's call took on a commanding tone, which was probably better than his panic. "Can you hear me?"

"Isabelle doesn't have time," I tried to say, as loudly as my crumbling lips and dry throat would allow. "Take her to the Brothers ... Fetch me afterward."

I had my first counterargument ready to go, as I was sure Adam would protest. He had always been like that. For the second time today, he caught me off guard when he seemed to nod instead. I wasn't sure, as I could only make out his vague outline.

"I'll hurry," his voice pierced through the howling wind. "Hang in there." His boots kicked loose gravel as he turned and hurried away, his steps now following a much faster pace than before.

Mission accomplished. Now I would have to wait. And endure the dampness that had already soaked the back of my head. Another shiver ran through my limbs.

Was there really no one else on Angel Square? How was that even possible? After all, we were in the heart of Alicante in broad daylight. At least, I believed it was daytime. The dark gray clouds in the sky didn't bode well, but they blocked the view of the atmosphere. In fact, I had no idea how much earthly time our visit to Heaven had taken. If we had truly been dead for several hours, then our exhaustion might be due to that. Sustaining a rune for hours and then such a powerful one ... it would explain this damn frail body that seemed incapable of anything.

Patience had never been my strong suit. Jonathan had inherited that trait from our mother. It had taken me a long time to acquire it, and even now, it was far from perfect. Lying on this rain-soaked stone ground, slowly cooling down, was a lesson in patience that my father could not have devised better.

Every gust of wind shook my useless muscles, allowed the dampness to seep more into my clothing, scratched my face as individual strands of hair were lifted. An eternity later – though it was probably only minutes – my body trembled so violently that my teeth chattered.

Neither the sky nor the light seemed to change. At some point, exhaustion got to me so much that I lost consciousness. All of a sudden. Without warning. I blinked weakly for a moment, then everything went black.

As I lifted my eyelids once more, I had no idea how much time had passed. The first thing I noticed was the rusty taste of blood on my tongue. My teeth were still chattering like crazy. I must have bitten my cheek or tongue when I had collapsed.

To my dismay, I was still lying on Angel Square. In the dirt of the rain that was now drizzling down, surrounded by murmurs.

I forced my eyes wider open and spotted a small group of figures huddling around me. Once again, Blake Ashdown was my first reference, my initial thought leap. Then, in an almost heavenly moment of clarity, my vision sharpened and revealed three tall, pale shadows. Too pale to be human. Vampires, eyeing me uncertainly. I could see the recognition in their dark pupils. Of course, they recognized me. Yet, they didn't seem entirely sure what I was doing here or if this was just some idiotic … stunt I was pulling, or if I was genuinely in trouble.

One of them leaned in closer as he noticed my reaction. Their pale faces reminded me so much of Isabelle's visage from earlier that I shuddered.

"Do you need help?" was all the nearest vampire asked. His eyes, dark as pitch, stood stark against his snow-white skin. None of them moved their shoulders – in other words, none of them breathed. Actually, a trivial fact because vampires didn't need oxygen. However, most preferred to smell their surroundings and potential prey.

That they were holding their breath now meant I must be bleeding. Even if I didn't feel it. My body was drenched from the rain. I could barely feel my own muscles, except for their distant heaviness that made me tremble again and again.

It should surely gnaw at my pride to need help from vampires – for vampires to offer me any help at all. Unthinkable from my father's perspective. Shameful.

For a long moment I stared past them into the gray, distant sky and thought of Valentine — of my father. When had I begun to abandon his teachings? When had I begun to write my own code? My heart shouldn't have ached for all the pain he had brought upon me. Weak and emotional as I was at my core, it did anyway. So much deeper than all that shitty, physical pain. How I cursed him, my own creator, for his work, his ideals, his actions.

"Yes," I croaked, nodding in case they didn't understand. An overwhelming sense of pride flooded through me, and I had to force myself to suppress the smile that tugged at the corners of my mouth as I stared up at the sky and imagined Valentine's indignant face – and my mother's proud face. My new code was simpler than I had initially thought: Do what Jocelyn would have approved.

The three vampires needed no further prompting. Two of them got down on their knees beside me, hooked my arms around their shoulders and effortlessly hoisted me to my feet.

A shiver ran down my spine as my rain-soaked clothes peeled away from my damp skin. A lightning-like sting ran through my limbs, a new wave of cold. As a strong gust of wind hit us, creeping into the gaps between clothing and skin, the next teeth-chattering tremor spread.

Before I raised my voice again, I cleared my throat just to be sure. Not that it did much good. "The Basilias," I murmured, just loud enough that they didn't have to bend their heads any closer to me. "My friend is already there."

The three vampires exchanged a curious look. Meanwhile, I tried to find purchase with my boots on the slippery stone floor. Exhaustion swept through me like a hurricane, scattering every ounce of energy I had managed to concentrate.

"Where are they again?" asked the one who wasn't supporting me.

My eyes closed as I gave them the directions in short, broken sentences. My jaw hurt with every movement. Part of my thoughts were with Isabelle. Every fiber of my body that wasn't yet burned out hoped she had made it. The rest of me, which hadn't yet succumbed to the crushing fatigue, fought against the drizzle that dripped down my face and hair. The howling wind only made everything more disgusting and unbearable.

This condition, coupled with this weather, was worse than many things. No worse than Blake. But I would have preferred a disadvantageous fight to this. This cold, this damp, this helplessness ... everything reminded me of Blake Ashdown. It caused my muscles to tremble more and my last strength to be used up more quickly.

We moved through the cloudy spheres and I was only vaguely aware of what was going on. With every breath I slipped further into a trance-like state. The three of them could drag me into the nearest secluded alley and do God knew what to me and I wouldn't notice until it was too late. Not that I could have stopped them.

For someone who's supposed to be such a great warrior, you end up in these life-or-death situations more often than average, a voice in my head scolded, almost drowned out by the next gust of wind.

I tried to keep my eyes open and had to blink to remove all the water from my eyelashes. My tongue ran over my moist lips and right now I was envious of the vampires for their ability to taste aromas in oxygen. It would have given me more information about my whereabouts.

Suddenly the call of my name echoed through my personal darkness. My failing senses tried hard to sharpen their focus and I forced my eyelids further apart.

We had almost crossed the square and were not far from the Basilias. A figure, barely visible in the increasing rain, was coming towards us from that direction. What felt like a moment later, it skidded to a stop in front of us.

Adam's brown hair was matted to his forehead. He was also completely soaked, although it didn't seem to bother him. The worried uncertainty from before was still clearly visible on his face. But as soon as he regarded my companions, it hardened into something else.

"We're taking her to the Basilias," said the vampire who led us, not unkindly.

Adam shook himself as if it would help him get rid of the wetness. Or his overcoming. Now that I could properly assess his relationship with Blake, I saw him with different, clearer eyes in relation to the Shadowworlders. "I'll take over from here," he said shortly and stretched out his arms to free me from the vampires' clutches.

But they made no attempt to let me go. If I had been in a better mood, I might have found this exchange between Adam and them instructive in order to study his attitude. But right now, I was just about to collapse like a house of cards.

"The two of us are much faster," replied the vampire to my right, and the two were about to start moving again when Adam blocked their path.

"Downworlders aren't allowed in the Basilias," he declared with such emphasis that my senses automatically switched into active mode. I couldn't even tell if he was telling the truth. But I wasn't sure.

The attitude of my companions changed abruptly at the word Downworlder. Now even I could taste the hostility in the air. The third vampire pushed his way into Adam's path, causing him to retreat reflexively. Our procession immediately started moving again. "Then we'll just take her to the gates."

Adam, unyielding, multifaceted, and incomprehensible, wanted to respond. Something burned through me, even though I knew all too well what that ingrained hatred could do to someone. I didn't blame him, at least not my future self, but in this moment, the pouring rain made this very difficult.

"You can escort me to the gates, Adam," sharp words erupted from me. "I'd prefer not to perish out here just because you can't push your views aside."

Even in the all-encompassing grayness that the storm enveloped us in, I saw the flash of his pupils as his eyes fixed on me. Oh yes, the conflict was clearly written on his face. The struggle between knowledge and belief, doctrine and truth, fear and trust. I could see my own self mirrored in his reins. My past self. Part of me still believed that Adam — my old, first, best friend Adam — slumbered somewhere in there.

The more relieved I was when he nodded defeatedly and waved us to proceed.

We hadn't taken a step when another call rang out through the rain. Again, my name. Almost déjà vu, but somehow very different from before. Panicked. Consumed by fear. Unlike Adam's voice, I would recognize his even in hell itself.

Jace appeared suddenly, like a lightning bolt to Adam's left, causing the vampires to flinch defensively. He slipped past the third vampire as if he were made of air and pressed himself so close to me that I could distinguish the various shades of gold in his irises. Despite being drenched from head to toe, he still looked like an angel. His golden curls, now darkened like amber by the water, gracefully framed his ears. His jawline, tense with effort and calculation, reflected a simmering brutality. His wide-open eyes, cold as hardened gold, gleamed sharp and alert.

" Away from her," Jace hissed ominously, like a god on the brink of leveling everything and everyone to the ground. The vampires obeyed instantly. Within milliseconds, Jace had reached under my arms and pulled me close to him, never once diverting his hunting gaze away from me. He studied me, in my utterly embarrassing and catastrophic state, and I already knew how furious he would be when he heard the whole story. Isabelle and I in Heaven, without safety, without support — he would lose it.

But in that moment, the world was suddenly in order. Because he was here. Because as long as he was here, everything else became irrelevant. But still nothing more than a moment.

"What, by the Angel, is going on here?" Jace demanded over the incessant patter of rain. His searching eyes finally left mine, only to dart around like a wild animal, searching for prey.

For a long while, no one seemed to have the guts to answer him. I understood why. Jace looked like he was about to kill someone at any moment — and not in the merciful, quick way. And then his head stopped so suddenly that I could hear a vertebra in his neck crack.

I had to lean my head back to follow what was happening. Jace's arms wouldn't allow it; they wrapped too tightly around my back. Without his support, I would have been back on the icy ground long ago, and this knowledge only seemed to drive him crazier. His fingers, dug deep into my wet gear, trembled almost imperceptibly. A guilty conscience flooded through me as I tilted my chin to somehow peek past his broad shoulder.

" You," Jace growled so quietly, so threateningly, that the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. The vengeful look in his eyes made me know immediately who he was staring at, as if he wanted to immediately tear him to pieces.

Adam didn't move, and apparently didn't even breathe. A soaking wet Alec had appeared next to him, blocking his escape route. My vision began to spin.

"It's not what it looks like," Adam explained slowly, raising his hands. Always the neutral. Always the pacifist. "I can–"

"I will kill you." Jace didn't threaten, he promised. Everything about him seemed possessed. Different from the angelic power that he usually drew strength from in such situations. Above us, lightning flickered across the horizon and for a split second it was so bright that Jace actually looked like a fallen, death-dealing angel. All that was missing were the black feather wings. But the light disappeared as quickly as it had come, plunging him back into dark shadows. "I've warned you once before, Demonhunter. You will die, and I won't grant you the mercy Blake received."

"Jace," Alec interjected, not a moment too soon, as the ensuing thunder was too deafening to comprehend anything further. We all flinched, and Alec peeled himself out of his coat to drape it over me, since Jace showed no signs of letting me go. "We need to get Clary to the Basilias. Now."

The urgency in Alec's tone stirred something alive in Jace. He nodded slightly and finally looked down at me again. The tenderness in his eyes made my feet lose their grip. The panic that ensued was all the more intense. "Whatever's wrong with you, the Silent Brothers will fix it," he assured himself. Effortlessly, he lifted me up and turned on his heel. As he sprinted through the darkness, the dampness, and the cold, heading back towards the Basilias, the déjà vu shook me stronger than ever before.

Hi there,

first, I have to apologize for not updating in like forever. I was on vacation and there was just no time to update. My family kept me busy like crazy. But if you ever have the opportunity to check out Croatia and Greece, do it! It was magical!

Now back to the story. Is Adam the saver of the day? Dou you have an idea what he wanted to talk about with Clary in the first place? Aaaand of course, our knight in shining armor, Jace, to the final rescue! I just had to give him this appearance. :)

Let me know what you think about this chapter!

Skyllen