AN: Yay! The Deadpool ref in ch 40 was found!

DaftMerc39 - Apt name for our half-dozen Cyber Cookie winner! Yep, it was a butchered quote from Loona from the great Ajax v Deadpool during the climax ("What's my name?" "Who fuckin' cares?"). Just–fuck, it's such a cold shutdown from Truthful Timmy the Blowjob Queen of Saskatoon. ...What, Steve? That's not his name? ...The fuck is Wilson–The fuckin' volleyball from Cast Away? Wow, he's doing well for himself.

Disclaimer: Bonesboy15 doesn't own Helluva Boss or Naruto. The following is a written work of fan-fiction. It contains adult language and situations. Reader discretion is advised.

One Knuckleheaded Glutton

Work This Body

Loona watched her boyfriend duck and weave around an invisible opponent while the succubus skank kept whipping him. She curled her lip back to expose fangs and growled when one crack of the whip got him in the ass. That was her second favorite part of his body, thank you very fucking much, and she didn't want to see it marred or ruined by this twisted cunt of a Lust Demon.

"Succubus Illusion!" Blitzø snapped his fingers from the seat behind her. Fucking coward, acting like he wasn't intentionally provoking her while she watched her boyfriend fight with a severe ass handicap. "That's how she's making him look stupid! Vero-skank did it to me once on our two week anniversary."

"...Made you look stupid?" Loona asked, glad for the slight distraction of watching her Doof get whipped by an Angelic weapon. She didn't even want to imagine what that felt like, it had to hurt. He was getting all the Boops and kisses and scratches he wanted after this stupid fight. ...What? She read about the importance of TLC after a SM session – for purely academic reasons, of course – and this fight was basically turning into one.

"Ye-wait, no!" Her adoptive shithead of a father huffed. "She put me in a sex illusion. Not a bad orgy either, drained me dry."

"Gross." She gagged. From the corner of her eye, she saw that Stolas' feathers fluffed in what she sincerely hoped was agitation. A loud crack was followed by a louder and familiar snarl that had her red eyes turn back to the 'fight'.

"Ooh, Foxy, you look so cute, all cut up and bloody." Anya, the fucking sadistic whore, giggled in a goddamn echo chamber at this point. He jerked away from another whip that flew at him from his left, only to take another stinging blow on the right. Fuck, Angelic weaponry was such horseshit.

"God fucking dammit!" Naruto snarled as another crack got him near the base of his spine. Fuck, unless he got some actual medical treatment from a S.M.E.G., these burns were going to scar when they healed. Not only that, but his hoodie was going to be fucking shredded to ribbons before he was done here. He put his hand to his back - that one wasn't too deep, so she was still keeping her distance, and whipped around at another giggle.

"Mm, I love the sound of your pained screams, Foxy. I can't wait until they become screams of ecstasy!"

"Keep dreaming, bitch." Shit, he needed some kind of defense here. Wait, where was the–bingo. The Carmine-Crafted weapon cache was still visible, still too far to make a dash for and leaving himself vulnerable. Okay, so he either had to knock her out again at the least just to get a new weapon, or somehow disable the worst part of her 'toy'. Both options were easier said than done given how she was masking herself and attacking him from everywhere under the guise of an illusion – No, hang on. He could smell her, still. Sweat, fertile female sex and dried blood, nothing to write home about. He knew this strat. He abused the fuck out of this strat!

This wasn't an illusion made to mask her location, it was one to cause a misdirection!

What did he have available to him that wouldn't compromise Douchifer's stupid Plan? His Magic and True Form were 'locked' – "A bit of a show to keep his guard down." – and he wasn't to use any of his Jutsu. Alright then, time to go back to the basics.

First, he had to find Anya.

To do that, he had to ignore the attacks he saw coming, they weren't real, and that was going to be a bitch on his instincts. He had to ignore her voice as she taunted him, it was just noise. He had to focus on her scent, find her sour and spicy Vibes – SNIFF – bingo, gotcha, bitch! She's staying behind him at his six o'clock, veering between four and eight to keep him off guard. Damn, that's pretty clever. If he could bait her into an attack from somewhere between nine and three, he could get a counter in.

...Dammit, he had to take a big hit, to make her confidence go up. Her arrogance was high enough as it was, but she wasn't confident enough to get closer. Might as well make it look good. The next 'attack' came from his right. He turned towards it before he jumped back. Sure enough, this blow got him on the spine, right between the shoulders.

Fuck that hurt so fucking much!

"Shit!" He fumbled his landing and rolled to his stomach. Okay, milk it, but don't make it obvious – shouldn't be too hard, shit that feels deep. He forced out a whine and let his limbs shake as he pushed himself back up on all fours. Fuck, shit, fuck ow.

Okay, bait – OW – set. Trap ready.

"Oh, c'mon Foxy, don't you want to play some more? Everyone's getting bored, especially me." Naruto strained not to let his ears turn toward the sound of her voice – once you know it's being thrown, you can trace it back to the source – at eight o'clock. She couldn't get any hints he was onto her. He forced and then swallowed a whimper. "Aw, what's wrong, Foxy? Does it hurt so good?"

"You...are an absolute...Cunt." He huffed and reached up to grab the collar of his hoodie. This next bit should throw her off her game. He smirked as she cracked her whip onto the ground. Eight-forty-five. He could turn into that and – quick guesstimation – catch the whip.

"Ooh, say more dirty words like that."

"Why don't you make me, slut."

Yikes, Spice took a second to override Sour before they balanced out again. Shit, this was one freaky Succubus.

"Fucking gladly." Anya released a thick amount of Lust-filled, sour ass Vibes before she pulled her whip back.

Moment of truth. He hoped this worked; Loona was definitely going to kill him for this later. If not punish him with however long his break will be between fights with Spot Scratches.

Naruto's claws dug into the shredded hoodie he wore and tugged just as her arm came down. He ripped his shirt off and turned as he tossed the tattered cloth at the space where her Spicy and Sour Vibes were the strongest. His other hand came up and caught the whip as it came down. He briefly winced reflexively as the Angelic-tip of the weapon slapped into his skin, and then he tugged on it to make the leather 'toy' go taut. His jaws snapped through it like and cut the whip short, which caused Anya – now blinded by his tossed hoodie – to stumble back.

He huffed and tossed the dangerous part of her whip aside – he'd eat it, but he wasn't sure what that would do to his intestines – before he glared at the rising Anya. She held his ripped hoodie to her face with her free hand and took a deep sniff. Goddammit, that should not have been as sexy as his body thought it was.

"That was so dirty, Foxy. You're a dirty boy." Anya cooed as she dragged the hoodie down her neck and over her tits – oh, he understood what was happening. She was trying to mask her scent, she must think that's how he found her. Cute, but not enough to stop him from hitting her now that he narrowed down the weakness to her illusions; turns out Vibes can't be faked. Good to know. – and rubbed it around her toned stomach. She bit her lip and smiled at him, the seductive leer contrasted with the absolutely rancid Vibes of Lust that surrounded her. "I'm going to make you pay in blood for breaking my brand new toy. Anything to say to that?"

Naruto arched his eyebrow. Really? ...Alright, if she was giving him an opening like that, she can bet her ass he's taking it. He pointed a claw at her.

"You got something on your face."

"Hm?" Anya actually checked. Well, he officially had no remorse. He shot forward and drove a fist into her already broken nose. She flew back and slammed into the arena wall. From the impact webbing, she stared at him, stunned and half of her face now covered in blood. He brandished his blood-soaked bandaged fist at her with a smirk.

"It was my fist. Don't worry if you didn't catch it the first time," his smirk became a toothy smile. His eyes blazed and he crouched with the same fist pulled back, ready to rush her again. "You're about to get real fucking intimate with it."

The crowd, who he'd long since ignored, reminded him of their presence with a roar as he drove another hook into her face.

"Fuck yeah! Kick her ass, Baby Bro!" Bee cheered. She was still wrapped up, much to her frustration, by Luci's weird duck chain thing. Ozzie whistled and clapped his approval while the Short King behind them both chuckled.

"And you were so worried." He cleared his throat and his voice took on a falsetto. Hey, wait, Bee's voice didn't sound anything like that! ..Right? She'd ask Vortex once he got back. "'Oh no, my cute widdle Baby Bwo is gonna get huwt by the diwty evil succubitch! Luci, get these kinky chains off of me and let me save him so I can play sexy nurse with his boo-boos!'"

"You are so fucking determined to get another fucking black eye, aren't you?!" Bee snarled as her ears burned. She never called these stupid fucking duck-chains 'kinky'!

"You gave him a black eye?" Ozzie asked. "When?"

"Eh, like a month ago." Luci was waving off her justified punch to the face, Bee just knew it. As if he didn't pick and choose his words to make her think Baby Bro was gonna start the fucking apocalypse, he knew damn well that what he said freaked her the fuck out! "I convinced her to leave a date night so she'd have a chance to stop him from revealing himself to Sera."

"That's a fucking dick move, Boss."

"Oh, whatever, I figured it would be better if she reigned the brat in." Luci scoffed. "Not like it mattered. She lost."

"Fuck off! Baby Bro caught me off guard with some Bad Vibe attack." Bee scowled and then pouted. "Still wanna learn how he did that."

"Bad Vibe attack?" Ozzie asked.

"Yeah, it was some really negative shit! Lobo said it was something only Djinn from Churr'icky could do, I think? You guys know how bad I am with details. It's why Baby Bro handles that for me whenever I plan parties!"

"...Bee, when was the last party you threw?"

"I..Huh. Wow, it's been a hot second. I mean, I've been pretty busy with planning Baby Bro's birthday, triple checking things for the next Bee You Parade, going over Hound Orphanage referrals and requests, making sure the Beelzejuice production is still top notch and double checking my books to make sure Mammon isn't scamming me...Like, two, three weeks maybe?" Bee frowned. It really has been a hot second since she had a huge party. There was so much shit going on right now, though. Partying didn't feel right until Baby Bro was back where he belonged in her Ring. Which he hadn't been to in...a few months...Huh. Maybe she needed the break–

"Don't worry, lords and lady Sins, for we have returned with snackage!" Cackled Ozzie's little fuck toy, disrupting Bee's thought process. He bounced in with a giant bucket of popcorn that was set in front of her. There was even a fucking shovel for a plebeian to use to dig into it. "That's the biggest bucket they got. Doggo there suggested it."

"Aw, Tex! Thanks babe!" Bee turned her head to smile gratefully at her boyfriend. He smiled back at her after he gave Luci the single bottle of beer he carried in one hand, while the keg on his shoulder was set beside her throne.

"Something to wash it down." He rumbled and kissed her cheek. Bee squirmed happily in her bound seat and sighed.

"Yes...I'm keeping you."

"Oh, yeah?" Vortex leaned in and growled at her and she growled back. She really liked it when Vortex put a little bit of fight in his flirt. It got her blood so pumped and she felt hot–

KRA-KOOM!

"Oof! That had to hurt. Walk it off, kiddo!" Luci hollered and Bee looked back at the arena floor just in time to see Baby Bro pull a golden trident out of his side while he lay in the heap of shit that Carmella fucking Carmine gave to the Sins for the Semi-Finals.

His opponent, the succubitch, was now in the air and rubbing herself in various erotic ways – which would be hot if she hadn't just fucking bodied her Baby Bro – while her body let off electric sparks.

"I looked away for two fucking seconds; he had her in the fucking wall, what the fuck happened?!"

"Well, he was pounding her into the wall. Over and over and over and over, it was vigorous and exciting!" Ozzie's Imp Fucktoy shivered where he sat once more in Ozzie's lap and his words brought an amazing image to Bee's head. Shame it was probably purposefully erotic. "She finally couldn't handle anymore and exploded all over him."

"...That...Can't be what happened." Vortex deadpanned.

"Nope, that's exactly what happened." Luci chuckled. He clapped his hands with the crowd. "This is such a great fucking day; C'mon kiddo you got this! Just bend her over like you did your cute little mutt!"

Oh, when Bee got out of this bullshit attempt at bondage play she was so giving Luci another black eye.

"Why is it always fucking lightning?" Naruto coughed and held his bleeding side with a wince as he got back to his feet. Damn, that fuckin' hurts...Did she get a lung? ..No, just arteries, small fuckin mercies.

"Yes, yes, yes! Bleed for me, Foxy!" Anya's moaning demand ruined her attempt to dive into him as her body let off excess sparks. He rolled – not the best idea he's ever had, rolling with three deep puncture wounds in his side that is – to the right. The cackling witch of a Succubus' eyes sparked as she leered down at him and licked the blood around her mouth. Her hands raised up and a lot of crackling began to emit from her palms as the light show grew larger and larger. That...doesn't bode well. "You hurt me so fuckin good, baby, it's only fair that I return the favor!"

"Shit!" Naruto threw himself out of the way of the stream of near white lightning that shot from her hands. He growled and used a broken pole arm – damn, not an Angelic staff? C'mon. His luck would be that bad, wouldn't it? – to stand up. He pointed at her as she giggled and squirmed in the air. "Okay, the fucking illusions I get...Where the fuck does the lightning come from?!"

"Mommy was a succubus and Daddy was a Thunderbeast!"

"...Well, that explains a whole fucking lot." He deadpanned. Thunderbeasts were extremely volatile and often kept to themselves in their homes on the edge of the Lust Ring. Also, Anya was a half-breed, good to know. He kicked the pole arm he used as a crutch out and chucked it like a spear.

She caught it in a stream of lightning – demons can do that with lightning?! He had some ideas for a few tricks with his least favorite magic now – and it spread to the rest of the weapons and a few pieces of debris scattered about the ground. It all rose up and was aimed at him.

"Oh...fuck me." His ears went flat.

"If you submit to me, I will!"

"Pretty sure there's no surrendering in this fight." Naruto deadpanned. Not that he had

"Shit." Anya grinned a toothy grin as she spread her arms back. "You're so fucking adorable, bleeding out and talking like a cute little idiot."

"Bitch." His right eye twitched. He stomped forward and brandished a bloody fist again. "What the fuck is that supposed t' mean?! I'm not the dumb bitch asking for a fucking submission in the fucking Death Match, y'know!"

"Ugh, I'm going to fucking miss you when you're dead. I've never had so much fun during foreplay before!" Anya cackled as she threw her arms forward. The weapons and debris covered in lightning all rocketed down like meteors.

Luckily, Naruto's heated temper had one boon that worked in his favor–Well, two technically: it gave him a bit of clarity and an adrenaline rush.

"Think I'm gonna stay down here and let you insult me like that?!" He snarled as he flipped, rolled, juked and dodged out of the way of everything that came down. The last Carmine-Crafted weapon to be avoided was a jian dao, and Naruto dropped to a knee as he panted. Upside? He dodged everything and she lost her weapons. Downside? He still lost a lot of blood doing that and, yeup.

The Ring started to tilt.

This fight had to end. Now.

He needed something to give him an edge. Sword? No. Spear? No. Brick? No–Wait, by the brick. An obsidian chain! It wasn't affected by the lightning. A couple meters away, maybe more? He could reach that. He looked up at Anya, who he'd bet had followed his gaze, just as she looked at him.

She grinned.

He snarled.

They moved.

He was at the chain in record time for a demon that was bleeding profusely from the side; he grabbed the end of it and watched the succubus circle to gather speed for what he bet was another dove bomb. Man, he should drain Greed's casinos of their cash, his bets were spot on today.

He wound part of it around his right wrist, and stood on the other end. When she swiped at him, he jumped up, kicked the part by his foot at her face, twisted in the air as she reflexively caught it, landed on his feet – thank fuck! That would've been a fatal mistake if he didn't – and yanked the bitch down over his shoulder. She was ripped out of the sky and landed face first on the brick he threw at her back when their fight started.

"Submit to that, bitch." Naruto huffed and let the chain drop. He barely heard the crowd's roar once Anya's corpse was whisked away. Still, once he saw that happen, he held a fist up and stood proud... for all of five more seconds before his eyes rolled up and he passed out.

"That...Was...Marvelous." Asterius sighed as he released another load inside of his Oni-hole. The lesser demon choked and gagged on the jism that blocked his airway along with the fat phallus that also rested there. The Minotaur watched the screen in his private viewing chambers.

He watched S.M.E.G. Officials rush out and gather the Duke on to a gurney. The inane, annoying Sinner that rambled over the fights was ignored by The reigning Champion of Elysium. He felt himself harden again and ignored the grunted protests from his toy. His trophy would be cleaned up before their bout, and soon after that, he'd be putting that wide, gaping mouth and the tight little ass to proper use.

For now, Asterius groaned as he pushed his hardened length deeper into his Oni-hole, he would ensure Zabuza would forever remember why he was put on his knees before him.

The weak existed to serve the strong, and Asterius was the strongest.

"This is bullshit." Bee scowled as she glared at the doors that blocked her out from her Baby Bro. He was rushed into a makeshift surgical camp at Luci's order, and it wasn't until after he was out of the arena did that bastard bother to remove her bindings. She sped away so fast, she barely managed to stop and wish Verosika luck on the midway show performance.

"Relax, Bee. He'll be okay." Vortex kept his arms around her, which was a huge comfort. "Your brother is too fucking stubborn to have gone through all of that just do die from bloodloss."

"Yeah, you're right. Thanks babe." She smiled up at him gratefully and then scowled back at the doors. She'd feel better if she could get some of her 'royal honey' to the dumbass medics – It was her Baby Bro, she knew what would fix him up in a jiffy! – but again, barred.

"Miss, miss, you can't go back here! Gah, you bi–!"

"We got a Code Violet outside of medical. Bring restraints and tranqs–Shit! Backup! We need backup!"

"This area is for authorized personnel only–Yipe!"

"I'm about to use your face to give me authorization! Now let me fucking through!"

"I know that growl!" Bee perked up and zipped out to the gates where a squad of Hounds as big as Vortex were trying to hold off a very pissed off Pretty Pup. She whistled sharply and the squabble stopped. Pretty Pup, from where she dangled between two Hounds, narrowed her eyes and twisted to knee one of her attempted apprehenders in the crotch. When one arm was free and she could touch the ground, she twisted on the ball of her foot and flipped the other meathead over her shoulder.

"Drop her-!"

"Do that and I'll eat you. And not in a fun way." Bee deadpanned as she walked up and put her two left arms around the snarling Pretty Pup's shoulders. She tensed and growled, but let Bee lead her back into the Medical Tent. The Sin waved a hand at the still tense security that was present, as well as the backup one now unconscious idiot called for. "Relax, morons, I got her. Go back to what you were doing. C'mon, Pretty Pup. Let's go see if Baby Bro is out of surgery yet, huh?"

"S...Surgery..?" Pretty Pup repeated, and then–oh well, fuck. If that wasn't the second saddest whine Bee ever heard – first place belonged to forever and always her Baby Bro; he was two years old (it was his second time after waking up from his long stasis nap) and being denied his well deserved second lunch of Ramen by one of the stupid nannies she thought knew what they were doing; Bee had never ripped a Hound apart so fast – she would not eat a horse. Bee cooed and tightened her two-armed, one-sided hug.

"Shh, shh. It's okay, Pretty Pup. Just some minor fixings to speed his healing along." Bee rubbed the Pretty Pup's shoulder and guided her to the bench Vortex waited with her on. Her boyfriend in question nodded at Pretty Pup, who barely managed a nod in turn. Bee sat beside her wonderful boyfriend and pulled the Pretty Pup to sit on her lap. She let out a small yelp of shock and – Wow, this was a nice surprise; Pretty Pup's got a cute, firm, little butt – struggled a bit before she settled. "There we go! Now we're all first in line to see–"

"Lucifer and Asmodeus went in a minute ago." Vortex mumbled. Bee let her jaw click shut. She took a deep breath in, reluctantly let Pretty Pup scootch her cute little butt off of her lap to sit beside her – immediately curling up her legs and tail onto the seat? That's not a good sign. This poor pup, she was so getting choice head from Bee when they had their threesome – and then exhaled.

"Of course they fucking did." She grumbled before she grinned. "Well, then I guess that means we can go in!"

"Don't even think about it, Bee." Ozzie deadpanned as he stepped out of the room and walked over to them. His ever present sex toy partner was sitting on his shoulder. He crossed his arms. "Boss wants a minute alone with Naru-Baby. On that note, hello there! You're Naru-Baby's g-his guh–

"Just give it up, Ozzie, we all know you have commitment issues." The sex toy poked Ozzie's leftmost head. Bee refused to laugh at him on principle, even if that was a great burn.

"Humph," Ozzie put his hands on his hips as he gave the Imp a look before he smiled at Pretty Pup with all of his faces. "You're... Loona, right?"

"Er, y-yes, Lord Asmodeus." Pretty Pup swallowed before her ears folded back. She brushed some of her hair out of her face. "Um, sorry about last time."

"Oh, no, don't sweat it kiddo. I think you handled it very well." Ozzie snapped his fingers. "Say, that reminds me. So, this wasn't intentional, I promise–"

"He's lying." Bee stage whispered out of the corner of her mouth.

"Bee, shut up. This is officially none of your business." Ozzie deadpanned. She stuck her tongue out at him and moved to sit on Vortex's lap. Oh, hey there teepee. Hm, maybe Bee was just gonna tease her beau for a minute while Pretty Pup entertained Oz–

"Alright, I'm done. Oz you can let–what the fuck was that?!" Luci gasped as a white and black blur shot past him fast enough to make him spin. He stumbled to a stop and patted himself down. "Still clothed…still have a wallet. Why the fuck did someone just turn me into a goddamn cartoon joke?!"

"You're not one already?" Bee asked with a snort as she hopped up off of her boyfriend's half-chub and zipped into the room just in time to see Baby Bro and Pretty Pup do their cute as fuck Boop thing. Fuuuuuuck, these vibes were so good.

"Bee, you want to wait for–?" Vortex cut himself short as he walked in and watched the Boop. His jaw worked a few times before he shook his head. "Fuck. What is that?"

"It's the Boop!" Bee whispered with a giddy grin on her face. Fuck these vibes were so fucking good! And this was the vanilla, PG-13 shit!

"Bee." Baby Bro mumbled drowsily as Pretty Pup crawled into the bed with him. "Out."

"Why? It's not like you're gonna fuck, right?" Were they?! Bee wanted at least a front row seat before she got to the main attraction.

"Bee." Pretty Pup growled and started to look away to glare at her. That stopped when Baby Bro whimpered. Pretty Pup turned back into the Boop, but kept growling. "Give us a few minutes. Please?"

Ooh, ballsy of her! Daring her to stick around like that, challenge accepted! Bee liked it when the pups had some fight in them! She opened her mouth–hello, giant fist she's eaten before, oh and there's a hand on her shoulders. Tex? Babe? The fuck was happening?

"Good fight. Rest up for the final." He said as he–was he pulling her out?! No! Babe! The fuck! This was a challenge interference! "Bee, come on. We'll visit him before the final."

What the fu–

One of them was crying. Those were Bitter vibes, a hint of Spice underneath and doused in a thick coat of Sweet. Bee dug her heels in an attempt to figure out why when she heard them as the flap closed.

"...ucking glad you're ok...n't ever scare me..."

"Sorry...love you, Loon…"

"I love you, Doof. S-so fuckin' much."

Oh. TLC. Yeah, she'd give them a bit of privacy. Ugh, but how was she going to keep herself distracted for so long?

"I think we should go have our talk, Bee."

...Well, shit...alright, fuck you Universe.

"Okay, babe."

AN: ooh, we gonna see the talk next time for real for real! Maybe a dif prospective before it gets there..and then…

The Bull

..Steve, we had something cued for that! ..the fuck do you-? Just press the button. The green button you idiot, no not the blue on–

"Remember, It's Just a Fan~Fiction!"