AN: Reclusive Dork, Happy Belated Birfday!
Baka Okami! Oof, so close. It was a Marvel reference, but not an MCU reference. "I know, right?" Don't worry, you get a cyber cookie regardless.
Disclaimer: Bonesboy15 doesn't own Helluva Boss or Naruto. The following is a written work of fan-fiction. It contains adult language and situations. Reader discretion is advised.
One Knuckleheaded Glutton
Hail to the King
"Well, that was a great showing. Saw the Kidnapping Fuck get his ass kicked, lose an arm, pass out...and then Bitch Out of the final fight!" Blitzø grinned and stretched his arms above him as down in the arena, a very pissed off Oni went ham on his brutal and very public skullfuck. Shit, he had to readjust himself a bit; these were not the type of pants he could have a serious erection with. "Oh, fuck yeah, and then there's this hot piece of ass absolutely dominating that bull. Shit, I need to come to Wrath more often."
"Mm-hm." Stolas let out a tight squeak. Huh, wonder what that's about? Meh, not important, Blitzø looked up the aisle Loony went up to get to the bathroom. It's been over forty minutes, was she actually doing something in a stall? Well, she'd better hurry the fuck up and pinch it off or something, he was getting horny and needed to get on the road so he could meet up with Stolas later. He had some stress he needed to relieve himself of.
"Mommy, mommy, lookit!" Cried the little naked thing that was sitting beside Stolas' weirdo angsty kid – clearly, she takes after her bitch mother, that one – and her Imp servant. The little naked – Blitzø hesitated to call her an actual child; he'd never seen a kid that fugly outside of human brats...and the occasional fish-lipped fucktard – thing pointed up and away from the arena. "It's Queen Bee!"
Queen wh–? Oh, shit. What in the ever fucking fuck does she want over here? Blitzø fought down the instinct to draw his pistols at the fox-like Sin – It's not the Kidnapper Fuck, don't shoot. It's not the Kidnapper Fuck, don't shoot. It's not the Kidnapper Fuck, don't shoot. – and made sure not to draw attention to himself. He remembered their last interaction and he wants in no way to risk a repeat of it.
"Queen Beelzebub." The sexy thicc Dragon that Stolas' bitch seemed to be interested in greeted the Sin with a nod. "Was there something we could help you with?"
"Huh? Nah, I'm good. Just came over to–Oh, hi!" The Sin's voice rose in pitch as she zipped down to crouch in front of the red little naked troglodyte. She cooed and scratched the thing under her chin. "Oh, who is this precious little monster?!"
"I'm Satina!" Christ on a stick, it had a name.
"Hi, Satina, I'm Bee! Oh, you're so cute." The Sin cooed – what the fuck – and rubbed her face against the thing's neck. The thing giggled and reached out to gently stroke the Sin's fur on her muzzle. Fuck, that child was dead...or not?
"You're so pretty!"
"Well, thank you! I think you're pretty, too!" The Sin grinned and two of her arms started to tickle the little beast while her eyes roamed the seats. Her smile dimmed into a frown. "Huh...Hey, Satina?"
"Yeah, Bee?"
"Satina!" Stolas' kid hissed. Blitzø saw Bitch-Bird preen out of the corner of his eye while the Sexy Thicc Dragon harrumphed. "Manners."
"Ah, she's fine." The Sin waved it off as one hand scratched the brat under its chin again. "Unless it's really heinous shit, anyone under eighteen gets a pass by me. It ain't their fault if their parents are dipshits."
"My daddy says that's a naughty word."
"Your daddy sounds like a pretty smart guy." Beelzebub smirked and then gestured at the crowd. "Say, cutie pie, I'm looking for someone and I can't find them. Did you happen to see them?"
"Who you lookin' for?"
"A very pretty Hellhound, named–"
"You mean, Miss Loona?" Satina tilted her head. Okay, what the fuck? When did this little freak of nature meet his precious Loony?
"That's the one! You seen her?" Beelzebub grinned. Fuck, no, not again! This Sin can't have his baby girl! She was doing lady-business things in the bathroom!
"Not for a loooong time. She said she had to uh...well, she said she had to go take a bad word at the potty. Mommy, can I say the bad word?" The brat looked at the Sexy Thicc Dragon.
"I'd much rather you didn't." Sexy Thicc Dragon deadpanned. The child pouted.
"That's okay, I can guess which 'bad word' it is." Beelzebub chirped and patted the S.T.D.'s little freak of a child on the head, which made her preen at the touch, before she stood up and clapped two of her four arms together. They spread apart and sweet merciful fuck, that was massive. "Thanks for your help, Satina. Here, have this for being so helpful!"
"Wooooow!" The little beast gawped at the massive cone that held a colorful swirl of cotton candy. She turned to the Goetia teen next to her, who stared at the confection in unabashed horror. "Look, look, Octy! Look what Queen Bee gave me!"
"Yeah, that's...that's wonderful, Satina." Stolas' brat faked a smile and then whimpered when the little creature took a monstrous bite of the fluffy sugar concoction. The Imp servant beside her was rubbing his temples with one hand.
"She won't sleep at all tonight." S.T.D. grumbled into a clawed hand. The hand dragged down her face and then landed on her hip. "Thank you, Queen Bee."
"Not a problem, Lucia!" Wow, that totally flew over her head. What a ditz! Good thing that Blitzø was smarter than her. ...Why was she still here? The Sin sighed and scratched her cheek. "Bummer that Pretty Pup ducked out already, I wanted to ask if she would come back with me and Baby Bro tonight."
"She didn't 'duck out'." Blitzø huffed. "She's in the bathroom."
"Right, and I'm still an anal virgin after ten millennia." The Sin snorted – what the fuck is that supposed to mean – and then looked down at him. Fuck. That was recognition in her eyes. Dammit, he had to go and open his big mouth! Her eyes narrowed. "Wait, I remember you...You're the little shit heel that shot at me."
"BLITZY!" "You did what?!" Stolas and his daughter's Imp slave – poor little mind-controlled bastard – shrieked in horror.
"Oh, for the love of everything Evil, I was trying to protect my sweet little Loony from another abduction!" He glared at the Sin, who arched one of her antenna-like eyebrows.
"She's been abducted before?" What the fuck does–? Right, Bee signs off on adoptions and caretakers. Blitzø really had to shut up. Like he really had to shut the fuck up. Beelzebub crossed all four of her arms and got in his face. "Sounds to me like you're a shit Hound-Dad. Maybe I should make a home life check?"
"Go ahead–!" A very familiar set of talons wrapped around his mouth.
"I do apologize for my bodyguard's behavior." Stolas, what the fuck?! He wasn't going to be– Oh, wait. He's covering Blitzø's ass. "He is referring to her twenty-first birthday, Queen Beelzebub. Whereupon she spent the night in Pentagram City and met her, er, your brother."
"Hold up! The Pretty Pup and Baby Bro met on her birthday?!" The Sin squealed and then gasped. "Wait, she's the one that got drunk with him?! Oh, fuck yes! I knew he'd find a rebound after being rejected!"
This bitch was determined to get on his nerves, wasn't she? Blitzø's brow twitched and – hold on, did she say the Kidnapper was 'rejected'? Ha! He knew that fucker didn't have game! Loony must have made a drunk bet or some...thing...wow, that sounded like he was reaching. Blitzø didn't reach, he was better than that.
"Hang on, but, if they met on her birthday..why does he think..?" Beelzebub looked down at him. Her eyes were glowing, her body started to turn red. "You think my Baby Bro is a Hound-snatcher?!"
Fuck, he needed to stop talking. He did not have enough in his arsenal right now to deal with–!
~ Oh-e oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh-a ~ (1) ~ Oh-e oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh-a ~
Eyes were on the half-transformed Sin, who growled. She poked Blitzø with a claw as big as his entire body – yep, er, uh, that's a positive. He pissed himself just now – and her eyes narrowed.
"Don't you fucking move." She shrank down to her 'normal' stature, glare still locked on the Imp, as she reached into her pocket and pulled a ringing phone out. She accepted the call and her pissed off features made a complete one-eighty.
"Baby Bro!" Oh fucking terrific, it's the Kidnapper. "Hey, Vortex and I were just gonna swing by your hotel room and surprise y– Oh? ...Yeah, no, that's, uh, that's cool. No, I get it. TLC, Luci made you do a bunch of shit. ...Nah, I'll be alright! Vortex and I have to talk about something anyway, so, that's probably for the best...None of your beeswax, that's what...Alright, well, I guess I'll see you tomor– He has you doing what?!"
Blitzø should probably stop listening at this point. Beelzebub looked ready to murder someone. He sought protection from behind Stolas, but was caught on the horn by a thin clawed hand. His head was pushed back to look up at the Daemonic Prince of Gluttony, who glared down at him. She bared her teeth and he gulped.
Right. No moving.
"For who–? Baby Bro, the fuck?! ...Alright, nope, that settles it. You're going on Stay-Cation after. ...Because I fucking said so, that's why! ...See?! Pretty Pup agrees with me! Shit, she can join us! ...Don't worry about that, I'll take care of it." The Sin pursed her lips and glared at Blitzø again. Her muzzle curled and her grip tightened on his horn. Then she released him with a shove. "Rrg, fine! But you owe me. ...Haven't decided yet. ...You, too. Have a good night Baby Bro, you earned it. Give the Pretty Pup my love!"
She hung up and glared at Blitzø again.
"Loona's with Baby Bro. They won't be disturbed." She growled. Blitzø's gut instinct was to lie, then hunt the fucker down, but that was a murderous murderous female staring him in the eye. That was the sort of look Loony had when she had her first hangover at home and he didn't treat it seriously.
"Right." He nodded.
"Good." Beelzebub looked at Stolas and his bitch wife next. Her lip curled as she looked between them and fuck if Blitzø didn't feel a major difference between the glare he got and the glare they got. "If anything happens to Baby Bro tomorrow…"
"...Wh-what?"
"..Wasn't your idea then. Never mind. I gotta go bitch at our King." She scoffed and her wings started to buzz as she rose up. She stopped and waved down at the little red mongrel with a smile on her face. "Bye-bye, Satina!"
"Bye, Queen Bee!" The little creature waved and then gasped when Stolas' child nudged her. "Oh, right. Thanks for the candy!"
"Anytime sweetie!" Beelzebub beamed before she glared back at the rest of them. She gave them a pointed warning – oh, fuck! She made the fingers to the eyes and back gesture! The worst gesture to receive from anyone with a grudge against you – and then flew off. Blitzø sighed and then doubled over to hold his knees. Stolas patted his back.
"Are you okay, Blitzy?"
"No. Pretty sure that I'm gonna puke."
Part of it was the ungodly fear that overcame him when Beelzebub glared at Stolas. The rest came from the realization that Loony lied to him to sneak out. Worse yet, he had to let Loona's disappearance tonight slide. It could literally be his life on the line if he didn't.
He really hoped she didn't do anything that he would do.
Wrath didn't have a lot going for it in terms of tourist attraction. Given that most Imps that lived in the Ring were either farmers or mercenaries, it wasn't too surprising that it had nothing special for other species of Hellborn. Conversely, however, the party animal nature of Hellhounds found the Ring enticing as a place to set up 'shop' as it were. That leads us to The Shelter, a four star hotel in Wrath built up and owned by Hellhounds. Well, it was owned by the House of Lzebub, but that was a technicality.
Anyway, the penthouse of The Shelter was the equivalent of a nice two room-two bath apartment in Pride, and it was often reserved for important individuals, i.e., those with money or clout. Luckily for Loona, her boyfriend was both, especially since his showing earlier that night. Their arrival at The Shelter had caused a Howl to erupt from the staff, something Loona had only heard about on her Voxtagram feed, and more than one member tried to slow them down by request for an autograph.
It took an agonizing ten minutes – with three of those minutes dedicated to a quick phone call to keep Bee from walking in on them; five minutes dedicated to an elevator ride that involved a quick Heavy Petting session that might've classified as second base; and the rest used to get the staff to calm the fuck down and leave them alone – since their arrival before Naruto finally ripped her clothes off and fucked her in the penthouse suite's living room. The cleaning staff was not going to love them after they left, and if they did, then they were a bunch of freaks.
"Naruto." Loona moaned as her boyfriend's lips teased her skin and her claws gently traced over the new scars that lined his shoulders. They finished their first round not too long ago and now that he was untied from her, they were starting on round two, and it was a slow burn. She ground her wet folds up into his hot cock, a want, a need to have him inside her again. His cooler nose pressed into the base of her neck and she gasped when he nipped at it. Her eyes squeezed shut and her claws dug into his skin. "Oh, fuck yes."
"Loon." His return was, as always, done with her favorite growl. She didn't know when he figured out that she had a favorite, but she'd bet any amount of money that her Vibes gave it away. A clawed hand cupped her left tit and her back arched up into it while the other claw ghosted along her stomach to her folds. She whined – magic hands he might have, but she wanted to be filled by his wonderful cock again – and he nipped the other side of her neck. "My sweet, cute Loon."
"My dirty, sexy Doof." She huffed around a bite on his ear as he growled into her throat. She released the ear before her claws coasted up his sexy shoulders, then the fluffy neck, to cup his jaw and bring his talented mouth back up to hers for another kiss. This one was deep and passionate, but she ended it before another tongue war ensued. Her thinner organ flicked out to graze his snout and she smiled at him through half-lidded eyes. "Hey...Wanna make another stream?"
"Stream?" He blinked and the darkened lust in his beautiful eyes dissipated. His brow furrowed in that adorably confused way. So cute, she couldn't resist giving him a gentle kiss that he met and returned. Damn, his lips were as good if not better than a cigarette. That seemed to jumpstart his brain – Kisses equal brainpower for Doof, a little fact she filed away for potential later use – as when their lips parted again, he seemed to catch onto her plan. "You want to make another sex stream?"
"Mm-hm." She started to kiss down his muzzle. He rumbled and leaned into her gestures of affection.
"Okay...Same thing–?"
"No." She nipped his lip as her tail swoosh-swoosh-swooshed. She ground against his hard cock and smirked at his whine. She planted a kiss at the base of his jaw, just below his Spot, and hummed when The Wriggler thwaped into her leg. She pulled away and pushed her nose to the base of her chew toy. A quick nip preceded her whispered idea.
"Unholy..." He whined again and his claws squeezed her hips. "Fuck... are you sure?"
"Absolutely, one-hundred percent." She nibbled on her chew toy for a minute until he growled at her again. "You kicked so much fucking ass tonight, you earned a reward."
"Even if it was part of a stupid plan?" Ah, Doof brain strikes again. She could get upset at him for bringing that up, but it was part of a deal he made with Lucifer after the King took him away from her, so...Yeah, no, Loona would rather focus on dealing with her growing lust.
"...You kept your promise. That's all I care about."
The moan from her phone had Verosika break the kiss she was sharing with Milky. With both of them single and drunk, a bit of a playful makeout session was inevitable. Especially after the successful and fun show they had earlier. Panting after their lips part, Verosika picked up the phone and
Moonlight_Howling_666 started streaming.
"Oh, Morrigan suck me dry...It's Blitzø's little bitch kid again." The pop star frowned. "She started streaming."
"Ooh, another sex tape?" Milky leaned against her and hummed. "You wanna watch it together?"
"...Beats watching it alone this time, I think." She sighed and opened the link. They cuddled together on the bus' couch and she turned her phone. Immediately, she was rewarded with a great close up shot of Bee's little brother's face.
"Okay, we're, uh, live, I think?" he muttered. Well, he wasn't wrong. That's a live button there in the top corner. Why was he holding the camera?
"Remind me to teach you how to use a phone." The Hellhound said dryly offscreen.
"I know how to use a phone!" Fuck, that was a cute pout. His ears perked up and his eyes widened. "Whoa, what's with all the emojis flying up the screen?"
"Have you ever watched a stream before?"
"No, because I have better things to do with my time."
"Like what?"
"Train, clean, train, eat ramen, train, work, fuck you–"
"Okay, point taken." The little bitch snorted."That would be the chat. Just minimize it for now."
"Right…" Shit, Verosika bit her lip. Milky giggled and did the same. "Uh, how do–?"
"Oh, Asmodeus fuck me, he's just so fucking adorable when he's clueless." Her plump pal cooed. Verosika sighed.
"I know, right?"
"You're such a Doof." A dark claw blocked the camera before it vanished and showed the hunky Duke as his ears folded back. He was scowling at Blitzø's brat. Was there trouble in paradise?
"Don't call me that on camera– Mm."
A dark set of claws on a white-furred hand pulled at the thick chain collar that sunk into the fur around his neck until a shorter grey and white muzzle was visible. It pushed up against the hunk's and their lips met in unison. Their lips molded together over and over and over and fuck, Verosika could already see the hate posts show up. She was half-tempted to leave one. This was just bragging.
"My Doof." The Hellhound growled once the kiss broke. She turned the camera to look her in the eye, which, okay, yeah. Bitch had very hot 'I'll kill you before I fuck you' eyes. "Hear that, fuckers? This idiot is mine and I'm his. In case the last fucking stream didn't get it to sink in."
"Yeah, yeah, brag about it later, get to the good shit already."
"Oh, c'mon, Vee. Didn't you ever find a fuck you thought was 'the One'?" Milky asked with a coo before she froze. Verosika stared at her, did she seriously just–? Wow. Just...wow. "Oh, shit, um... Sorry?"
"Fuckin'...Thanks, Milky. Now I'm really not in the mood." Verosika scowled and turned her phone off. She got off of the couch and went to the fridge to pull out a bottle of beer. "I'm going back to my room for a bit."
"Vee, wait, I'm...I really am–"
"Milky? I'm too pissed and not fucking drunk enough. Just...just save it." Verosika went into her on-bus bedroom. She shut the door, cracked the bottle open and started to chug mid-stride until she got to her bed and fell on it. She glared at the fucking mistake of a tattoo on her arm visible in the overhead mirror.
I fucking hate you, Blitzø. She thought as her eyes burned and she took another swig of her booze. Five minutes into the bender, she turned the stream back on and watched the little goth bitch start to go down on a thick, long, dark crimson rocket. Her eyes squeezed shut and her tail drifted up between her legs as she started to indulge herself with a little revenge fantasy that may or may not involve a good dicking from that same rocket in the office of a certain Imp asshole ex boyfriend.
"Fucking... hate you." She grumbled and took another swig before she really started to go to town on herself.
"Fuck, Loon." Naruto growled and let his head tilt back as he leaned against the dining table that was in the hotel room. He glanced back down at the sight of his girlfriend sucking lewdly on his dick. His eyes darted over to look at her phone, set on a stand that was built into the case, that was recording them. His claws raked over her hair and he pushed her back so that she'd meet his eyes.
"Mm-wah." A glistening line of spittle kept her muzzle and his dick connected. She grinned up at him and her gorgeous red eyes gleamed with lust. Her hands wrapped around his member as best they could; they stroked and twisted with each jerk and she put her cheek up against it. "How's that, baby? Does it feel good?"
"Fucking amazing." He breathed. His claws traced around her notched ear and she growled before she gave him a subtle nod. She took his dick back into her mouth and he balled his claws in her hair. Her tail swoosh-swoosh-swooshed behind her, raised slightly, but out of the camera's eye. The raised tail reminded him of the tight hole he'd yet to explore tonight.
"Get back to it, Loon." He growled again and pushed her down to the base, where the slightly swollen knot awaited. Before the stream started, they agreed to keep her mouth from getting knotted and that afterwards they'd have another session in the shower if it got messy like their first round did. And it was about to get messy. His eyes started to roll up and his head followed again. "Fuck, Loon...I'm gonna...My Knot…"
His whine was heard and her hands cupped around his swelling base. They squeezed around it and his eyes scrunched shut. A deep growl permeated the air before he roared with his release.
"Loo-na!" He growled at the first thick burst that left the tip. His eyes cracked open and he looked back down at her as the suckling started. She groaned and hummed, gulping down his seed like it was Beelzejuice, before she pulled back and – Oh, fuck. A whimper and whine escaped him as he watched his girlfriend take several strands of his cum to her face.
"Mm," Loona swallowed the contents in her mouth before she smiled up at him. "You a little backed up, huh?"
"No...I just really love you." He grinned back before he helped her stand. One of her hands remained on his cock while he helped her back up to her feet and the other reached up to tug on his collar again – Yeah, she really loved the symbolism of his 'lock' having her 'moon' on it once he explained it. Not bad for a 'doof'. Once they were sure he would reach, his lips pressed against hers.
The interesting twist on bitter that was his essence left a slight twist to her sweet tasting lips that he didn't fully enjoy, but it was Loona Lips so his higher mind's opinion was moot. The rest of Naruto loved it. Loved her.
"I love you, Naruto," She said around another kiss as her claws wrapped around his sides. He returned the hug and nuzzled his head against hers.
Oh, no, I got some of my spunk on my fur after nuzzling her face. Looks like we have to shower together...It wasn't visible to the camera, but Naruto's tail was wriggling wildly in excitement at the thought of more shower play.
"I love you, Loona." His eyes looked from the cute wag of her tail to the camera lens on her phone. "Now, let's go get cleaned up."
Baltimora: "Tarzan Boy" (Chorus)
AN: I have a killer migraine. No funny bit now.
Thnx for reading.