Chapter 18

Husband and wife

"Thank you, Nellie," Elyse said warmly. "Good night."

"Good night, my lady," the maid replied before leaving the room.

Jon entered just after Nellie had left.

"I'm sorry," Elyse sighed. "I feel guilty for making you stand in the corridor…"

"It's alright," Jon assured her. "I want you to be comfortable and have some privacy. My chamber isn't very big, and I was thinking I'd talk to my father tomorrow about finding something more suitable."

Elyse smiled at him warmly.

"Thank you, but you don't have to do that on my account. I'm fine here."

Jon hesitated, looking at her.

"I just think you deserve something more comfortable. My chamber isn't exactly decorated for a lady."

The decor was indeed quite ascetic and masculine, but Elyse didn't mind. She felt safe here, and that mattered more to her than anything else.

"I have a dressing table and my belongings here, so I think I'll be fine for now," she assured him, smiling.

Jon studied Elyse for a moment, hesitating.

"If you're sure."

"I am. Besides, I don't think there are many available chambers in Winterfell at the moment, not as long as the King is here."

"That's true," Jon admitted. "But if you ever feel uncomfortable, you'll tell me, won't you?"

Elyse nodded, her smile still lingering. "I promise. But really, I'm the one invading your space, so you need to tell me if you're uncomfortable."

Jon shook his head with a soft smile. "You're not invading anything. This is your home now too, Elyse."

Elyse's heart warmed at his words. She appreciated his thoughtfulness, but she could sense his unease as if he were still adjusting to this new reality, just as she was.

"Thank you, Jon," she said, her voice gentle. "But I want you to feel at ease as well."

Jon looked at her, the weight of responsibility evident in his eyes. "I won't lie, this is all new to me. But I want to make this work. For both of us."

Elyse nodded. "Me too. And thank you for your support at dinner."

"Of course," Jon replied.

They were both quiet for a moment before Jon cleared his throat. "We should get some rest. I'll just take the furs and…"

"No," Elyse interrupted, her voice calm but firm. "You… You shouldn't have to sleep on the floor. I… I think the bed is big enough for both of us."

Jon blinked in surprise, clearly taken aback by Elyse's suggestion. He opened his mouth to respond but hesitated, the words not coming as easily as he thought they would.

"Are you sure?" Jon finally asked, his voice careful, almost uncertain.

Elyse met his gaze, her expression earnest. "I am. We're married, Jon. We should get used to being close, even if it's just sharing a bed for now. I… I want to trust you."

Jon nodded. "Thank you, Elyse. I won't break your trust."

Elyse offered him a cautious smile before turning her back, giving him privacy as he got ready for bed. She felt awkward, even though she had shared a bed with a man before. The memory was anything but pleasant, and for a moment, she felt the urge to retreat. No. Jon wasn't Darius; he had already shown her that. He deserved a chance.

Jon watched Elyse turn her back, sensing the tension in her movements. He could see she was trying to be brave, but there was an undercurrent of unease that made his heart ache. He didn't know the details of her past, but he could tell that whatever it was, it had left scars. He was determined not to add to them. Jon quietly removed his boots and belt, moving with deliberate care so as not to startle her.

"Do you still want to do this?" he asked.

Elyse's back was still turned, but she nodded. "Yes."

Jon moved to the bed, lifting the furs on his side. He glanced at Elyse, who was doing the same on the other side, and for a moment, the reality of their situation hit him again. This was real, they were husband and wife.

As they both settled under the covers, there was a moment of awkwardness as they adjusted to the unfamiliar situation. Jon kept to his side of the bed, leaving ample space between them. He wanted her to know that he respected her boundaries, that she was safe with him.

"Elyse," Jon said softly, after a few moments of silence. "If… if you're uncomfortable… you can tell me. I won't be offended."

"Thank you, Jon," she replied, her voice barely above a whisper. "It's just… I've had bad experiences in the past. But I'm trying to move forward. I want to believe that things can be different with you."

"They will be," Jon assured her. "I'm not in a rush. We'll take things at your pace."

Elyse turned her head slightly, just enough to see him out of the corner of her eye. There was something reassuring about his presence, about the way he was giving her the space she needed without making her feel alone.

"There's something you should know," Elyse continued after a moment of silence. "I… What happened last night… I'm afraid I have nightmares quite often. I apologize in advance, and I need you to know that you don't have to be careful if you need to wake me up. I don't want to hurt you, so please, make sure that I don't. You can be forceful if you need to be, just… don't let me scratch you again."

"You don't need to apologize, Elyse," Jon said gently. "I understand. If it happens again, I'll do what I need to wake you up, and I won't hold it against you."

"Thank you," Elyse murmured. "I'm truly sorry about everything. You didn't deserve to be dragged into the middle of this mess…"

"Please, you really don't have to apologize. I'll be fine."

Elyse offered Jon a small, grateful smile, though it didn't quite reach her eyes. The weight of her past still lingered heavily on her, but his understanding and kindness were a balm to her wounded spirit. She hadn't expected him to be so patient, so willing to shoulder a burden that wasn't his to bear. It was both comforting and overwhelming.

"I'll try not to let it happen again," Elyse said softly, though she knew it wasn't something she could control. The nightmares came unbidden, remnants of a past she wished she could forget. But the fact that Jon wasn't holding it against her meant more than she could express.

Jon shook his head. "I don't expect you to be able to control your dreams, Elyse. I'm sorry you have nightmares."

"Me too," she murmured, more to herself than to him. "I wish… I wish that maybe someday I won't have them anymore."

Jon hesitated before reaching for her hand. "May I?"

Elyse looked at Jon's outstretched hand, a little surprised by the gesture. After a brief moment, she nodded and placed her hand in his.

The warmth of his touch was grounding. Jon gently squeezed her hand, his thumb brushing over her knuckles in a comforting gesture.

"I hope that too," Jon said softly. "And if there's anything I can do to help, just tell me. I want to make things easier for you, even if it's just being here when you wake up."

Elyse's eyes glistened with unshed tears, not from sadness, but from the overwhelming kindness Jon was showing her. "Thank you, Jon. You've already done more than I could have asked for." She paused for a moment, as if realizing something. "Strange… I don't think I've ever held anyone's hand before."

"Never?" Jon asked, clearly surprised.

"No," Elyse replied. "I was 11 when I was first betrothed. He was 35, and I didn't meet him many times before he died. My second betrothed was younger, 26, but he died in a hunting accident before the wedding. I was 14 then, and 16 when I married Lord Arryn. He was… much older, and holding hands was the last thing he wanted to do."

Jon's expression softened with a mix of sadness and understanding as Elyse shared her past. The idea that she had never experienced such a simple, yet intimate gesture struck him deeply. It was a stark reminder of how different their lives had been, how much she had endured. He tightened his grip on her hand slightly, wanting to offer whatever comfort he could.

"I'm sorry you had to go through all of that," Jon said quietly, his voice full of genuine empathy. "You deserve so much more than what you've been given."

Elyse looked at him, her eyes searching his as if trying to gauge the sincerity of his words. But all she found was the warmth of someone who truly cared, someone who wanted to be there for her, not out of obligation, but because he genuinely wanted to.

"I'm not used to this… kindness," she admitted softly, almost as if speaking the words aloud made them more real. "It's… it's new, but it's nice."

Jon smiled, a small, reassuring smile. "It's something you should have had all along, Elyse. And I'll do my best to make sure you have it now."

For a moment, they simply lay there, hands intertwined, sharing a quiet moment of connection. The fire crackled softly in the hearth, casting a warm glow over the room.

"How about you?" Elyse asked after a moment of silence. "Has there been anyone special in your life?"

"Actually, yes," Jon replied, smiling. "I have a furry four-legged companion named Ghost."

"Oh. Is he a dog?"

"No, a direwolf."

Elyse's eyes widened slightly at Jon's mention of a direwolf, her curiosity piqued. "A direwolf? I've heard of them, but I've never seen one. What's he like?"

Jon's smile grew, the thought of Ghost clearly bringing him a sense of pride and comfort. "He's loyal, fierce, and protective. But with me, he's calm and gentle. We have a bond that's hard to explain… he's more than just a companion, he's family."

Elyse could see the affection in Jon's eyes as he spoke about Ghost, and it warmed her heart even more. "He sounds wonderful," she said, genuinely intrigued. "I'd love to meet him."

Jon nodded. "You will. He's usually by my side, but I thought it might be overwhelming to bring him into our room right away. He's still getting used to all the new faces here too."

Elyse smiled at the thought of Jon with his direwolf, imagining the two of them as a formidable yet inseparable pair. "I think I'd like having him around," she admitted. "It sounds like he brings you comfort. Maybe… maybe he could do the same for me."

Jon squeezed her hand gently, appreciating the trust she was extending to him, even if it was about something as simple as meeting Ghost. "I think he would. He's a good judge of character, and I have no doubt he'll take to you right away."

For a moment, the room fell into a comfortable silence, the fire's crackling filling the space between them. Elyse felt a sense of peace she hadn't known in a long time.

"So, no one two-legged?" she asked, keeping her tone light.

"No," Jon murmured.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry. I just… you didn't choose this marriage, and I was wondering if there was someone else you would have preferred marrying."

Jon looked away for a moment, his thumb still gently tracing circles on the back of Elyse's hand. When he finally met her gaze, there was a hint of vulnerability in his eyes.

"There wasn't anyone," Jon admitted softly. "Not in the way you're thinking. Growing up as a Stark's son but not really being one… it complicated things. There were people I cared about, but I knew I couldn't offer them anything more than friendship. I never let myself imagine anything beyond that."

Elyse nodded, understanding more about him with every word he spoke. She could see how being raised as a Stark yet always feeling like an outsider had shaped him, made him guarded in ways she hadn't considered before.

"I see," she said quietly. "That must have been difficult."

Jon shrugged slightly, though there was a heaviness in his expression. "I learned to accept it. To focus on what I could do, rather than what I couldn't. But this… us… it's new for me too. I never thought I'd have a marriage like this, or even a chance to know what it's like to care for someone as a partner."

Elyse's heart softened even more at his words. "I guess we're both figuring this out then," she said, offering him a small, reassuring smile.

Jon returned the smile, a bit more at ease now. "I suppose we are."

"I have to compliment you, by the way," Elyse added after a moment of silence. "You are a good kisser."

Jon cleared his throat, his discomfort obvious. His reaction made Elyse smile.

"I apologize for ambushing you like that at dinner. I just wanted… I wanted everyone to see that I'm not a victim anymore, and you're not… you're not like Darius."

Jon's discomfort softened into understanding as Elyse's words sank in. He could see the vulnerability behind her actions.

"You don't have to apologize," Jon said quietly, his voice gentle. "I understand. You needed to show them that things are different, that you're in control."

Elyse nodded, her gaze dropping to their still-intertwined hands. "I needed to believe it, too," she admitted.

"You're stronger than you think, Elyse. You've already taken steps to reclaim your life, and I'm… I'm glad to be a part of that, to help you in whatever way I can."

Her eyes softened as she looked into his. "Thank you, Jon. I don't know how this will all turn out, but I'm glad it's you I'm figuring it out with. You've been… more understanding than I could have hoped for."

Jon gave her a small, reassuring smile. "No need to thank me. And as for the kiss… don't worry about it. I wasn't expecting it, but I didn't mind." He paused, a slight hint of a smirk playing at the corner of his mouth. "And, well, I'm glad you think I'm a good kisser."

Elyse let out a small, genuine laugh, feeling the tension ease between them. "Well, if it makes you feel any better, I wasn't expecting to do that either. But I'm glad it turned out alright. And maybe… maybe we can have our next kiss without an audience.

Jon's smirk widened into a genuine smile, his gaze softening as he looked at her. "I'd like that," he said, his voice warm with a hint of playfulness. "No pressure, though. We'll take it one step at a time."

Elyse nodded, her heart feeling lighter than it had in days. "One step at a time," she echoed, feeling a sense of calm settle over her. For the first time in a long while, the future didn't seem so daunting.

"We should probably get some rest," Jon suggested, though he made no immediate move to let go of her hand. It was as if both of them were reluctant to let the moment end.

"Yes, we should," Elyse agreed, though part of her didn't want to leave this newfound sense of connection hanging in the air. "I… I would like to try something if that's alright with you," she said cautiously.

"What do you want to try?" Jon asked when she didn't continue.

She bit her bottom lip, feeling nervous. "I… No one has ever held me. Would you like to…? I understand if you don't want to, and I promise, I'm not offended."

Jon's expression softened as he looked at her, understanding the weight behind her request. He could see the vulnerability in her eyes, the courage it took for her to even ask.

"I'd like that," Jon said gently, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze. "If it helps you feel safe, I'm more than willing."

Elyse felt a wave of relief wash over her, mixed with a nervous anticipation. She released a breath she hadn't realized she was holding and nodded. "Thank you."

Jon carefully adjusted their positions, lying down beside her, and slowly, tentatively, he wrapped his arm around her. His touch was gentle, giving her the space to pull away if she needed to. Elyse hesitated for a moment, then nestled closer to him, resting her head against his chest. The steady rhythm of his heartbeat was oddly soothing, a sound that anchored her in the present.

For a long moment, neither of them spoke. The room was quiet except for the crackling of the fire and the occasional whisper of the wind outside. Elyse felt a sense of comfort, a warmth that wasn't just physical but emotional as well. It was something she hadn't experienced in a long time, if ever.

"This is… nice," she whispered, feeling her anxiety slowly melt away in the safety of his embrace.

Jon's hand lightly stroked her back in a comforting rhythm. "It is," he agreed softly, feeling the same sense of peace settle over him.

As they lay there, the fire casting a soft glow over the room, Elyse allowed herself to close her eyes, feeling safe for the first time in what felt like an eternity.