Authors Note- Thank you everyone for reading and thank you for the reviews. Hope you enjoy the new chapter. ;)
Chapter 39
Mistakes Were Made
Harry woke early. He'd stayed up late reading and had fallen asleep still dressed in his clothes from the night before. He'd had a nightmare but was thankful he'd apparently not made any noise. He'd tried to fall back asleep as Akela but had only been able to sleep for about half an hour before he had been awoken by a noise.
He had laid there quietly for a long few moments trying to figure out what the sound had been when he realized it was Snape snoring across the hall. He had considered just putting up a silencing spell, but he didn't want to be caught unaware if there was something wrong. His normal silencing spells were one way. To keep others from hearing him. However, if he silenced the other way, he wouldn't be able to hear if there actually was a problem.
He'd tried to go back to sleep but his sensitive hearing was too keen and Snapes uneven breathing was somehow grating.
He was now standing in the middle of the kitchen at four in the morning trying to figure out what he was supposed to do. It was still dark so he couldn't go out. Though he felt restless. He decided he would clean. He hadn't done much this last week.
With a sigh he went to his room and cast a silencing spell long enough to strip his bed. He didn't want to wake Snape again in the middle of the night. He started the laundry and then collected the cleaning supplies.
Severus groaned as he woke. He squinted at the light in his room. He was adding better curtains to his next shopping list. Nothing was more annoying than the glaring sun first thing in the morning.
He climbed out of bed and stretched. His back ached. He'd clearly slept in a strange position last night. Though he didn't normally take baths, he was considering it this morning. He had a few muscle relaxing potions that might work the kinks out of his back.
He pulled the door open and stopped at the overwhelming sent of cleaner in the hall. He looked at the floor and noticed it was still damp from a recent mopping. The door across the hall was closed. Severus grabbed his wand and cast a drying charm at the hall floor. He made his way down the hall and noticed the bathroom had also been scrubbed excessively.
It looked like the towels had even been washed and folded so neatly, Severus wondered if Harry had used magic.
Severus sighed. This wasn't a good sign. Harry only cleaned like this when he was upset or in trouble. He entered the bathroom and handled his business. He would put his bath on hold for now. He wanted to check on Harry first.
He stopped in his room and retrieved his bathrobe and pulled it on over his bare shoulders. He slowly made his way down the stairs and found that the main floor had also been stripped of all its dust. Severus groaned as he made his way to the kitchen. He could smell food. He stood quietly in the doorway for a moment and watched Harry.
Whatever he was cooking was apparently in the oven. He was on his knees scrubbing the floor. The walls, windows, and counters looked like they'd all been given Harry's full attention. Harry didn't seem to notice him. His focus was on a spot on the floor, one that Severus knew he would never get up. He wondered how long Harry had been working on it.
The boy's brow furrowed, and he dropped the brush back into the bucket of mop water and stood.
Harry vanished the dirty water and then walked the bucket back to the cleaning cupboard. He then began washing his hands. After almost five minutes he finally stopped and dried his them. Then he opened the oven.
He reached in and retrieved the baking dish and set it on the stove. Then flitted around gathering plates and silverware. He set out coffee and then opened the window for the post owl. Severus was surprised to see a second owl pop in through the window after Harry had retrieved the newspaper. Harry took the letter from the owl and gave him something from his pocket, then the owl flew off.
Severus felt slightly annoyed. He and Albus had been clear about not using owls to communicate. He wondered which of the other dunderheaded children had written to him. Harry had never given him the letter he'd written in the park. He wondered if he had sent it by owl somehow.
"Who wrote?" Severus said stepping into the kitchen.
Potter spun around with an anxious look on his face.
He didn't want to upset him, however, between the pain in his back and Harry's disregard for the rules he was starting to feel rather agitated.
"I…It's from Gringotts, Sir." Harry stuttered out.
Severus raised an eyebrow. Why on earth was the bank contacting the boy? He'd been there only a few days ago. Surely if they'd had any business with him, they would have addressed it then. Though he was relieved it wasn't personal correspondence. Goblin enchantments were nearly unbreakable. Even if the letter was addressed to Harry no one else would be able to read it.
Severus nodded and made his way to the table. He picked up his coffee cup and took a sip. He dished himself some of the food and watched as Harry continued to find other things to clean.
"Are you joining me?" Severus asked.
He didn't know what was upsetting Harry, but clearly something.
Harry glanced over to him and just stared for a moment before nodding.
He returned to the sink and washed his hands again before joining Severus at the table. The boy took a portion of breakfast appropriate for a toddler and began taking nibble sized bites. He would never gain the weight he needed eating like that.
"Have you taken your potions?" Severus asked.
Harry met his eyes and nodded.
"Yes, Sir." Harry said quietly.
"Did you take your stomach soother?" Severus asked, as he watched Harry.
Harry's brows creased and he shook his head.
"No. I'm sorry, I forgot." Harry answered.
Severus nodded.
Harry fidgeted under Severus probing gaze.
"Why don't you go get it. You need to eat more than that." Severus instructed.
Harry nodded and left the table.
Severus groaned as he tried to adjust his seated position. His back was screaming. He finished the last few bites of breakfast before he stood and washed his plate. He poured himself another cup of coffee and leaned gently against the counter.
He would definitely head back upstairs for a bath before he was able to move on with his day. He wanted to make sure Harry ate something first though.
When Harry returned, he still seemed fidgety. Severus watched him pop the cork on the potion and down it with a grimace. The pink potion had a slightly wintergreen flavor to it, but the bitterroot overwhelmed the after-flavor.
Harry took a long sip of his coffee and returned to his food. Severus felt a little strange watching Harry just eat but he was becoming rather attached to the brat and his limited food intake was beginning to worry him. He knew that the boy needed time to overcome the starvation, but he wondered if there were some emotional issues around food as well. Perhaps something to bring up with Lupin.
Severus had some experience with eating disorders. Though it was typically the girls, and they used a combination of spells and potions to reduce. Harry didn't seem overly worried about his appearance but one never knew what was going on in someone else's head.
Harry took another tiny portion and when he was finished, he stood and headed to the sink.
Severus gave him a tight smile. Harry only nodded and then looked away from him before going about cleaning up breakfast.
Severus headed back upstairs. He was ready for a bath. He made a quick stop in his room to collect a book and the potions. He figured Harry would leave when he was done cleaning up. He'd have a while to relax and then he could head to the lab to work for a while.
Harry sighed when Snape finally left the kitchen. The man had seemed rather angry this morning and Harry wasn't sure what he'd done.
He'd been up most of the night cleaning and thinking. He was trying to decide how he could start repaying Snape, Sirius, and Remus. He didn't know what he could do for Sirius at all. As for Snape, he had a small bag of galleons that he planned to monetarily pay Snape back for his expense's staying in the house. Snape had said that he wasn't expected to earn his keep, but that twisted something in Harry that he didn't care for. He had cleaned the upstairs minus Snapes room, then he'd cleaned the main level of the house except for the bathroom. He still wasn't sure about facing whatever was living in there. He was also fairly sure there were repairs that needed to be made to the room. He had also not cleaned the cupboard under the stairs. He'd stood in front of it for a long time. He kept trying to tell himself that it was just storage. Harry could clean it up and organize it if it needed it, but he couldn't force his hand to reach out and open the door.
He wasn't sure what else he could do for Snape. He would keep thinking about it. However, he had decided how he could begin to repay Remus. He was going to continue Sirius' research. He had made copies and had them in his trunk. He hoped that he would find something in the books he'd bought.
He planned to spend the day reading and taking notes. He didn't feel like a repeat of yesterday. Although it had eventually been an okay day, he was still feeling like a walking raw nerve. Perhaps he'd go back to town in a few days.
He climbed the stairs and headed for the guest room. He noticed the bathroom door was closed and figured Snape was getting ready for the day. He'd never seen the man come to breakfast in his bathrobe. It was something else that had added to his agitation this morning. The man had been in faded pajama pants and his robe was open exposing his bare chest.
It had made Harry terribly uncomfortable, and he'd pulled his shields up just to get through breakfast.
Harry closed the door and made his way to his trunk. He began sorting through books until he had a reasonable stack. He collected the notes and more parchment as well as ink and a quill.
There was a desk in the room, but it was small, and the chair looked terribly uncomfortable. He decided to settle on the bed instead. With a deep sigh he set to work.
Harry sighed and ran his hand through his hair. He'd been at it for hours and he wasn't seeing what was missing. His stomach growled slightly, and he realized he was actually rather hungry.
He thought the potions Snape was having him take were probably increasing his appetite. He cast a quick tempest and noticed it was only about two in the afternoon. Dinner wouldn't be for hours. Harry sighed. Snape had said two meals a day. Which was more than he was used to outside of term. He should be thankful for that.
He stacked up the books and notes and put them away in his trunk. Then straightened his bed before pulling on his trainers.
He needed to take a break. He decided he would go drink some water to stave off the hunger, then go to the park for a bit.
He hoped Edgar would be back today. He missed his fluffy little friend.
He shrunk his bag and tucked it in his pocket before making his way downstairs. He saw no sign of Snape. He figured the man must be in his lab.
He walked across the kitchen and retrieved a glass but just before he turned on the tap the phone rang. The shrill sound startled him, and he turned with his hand raised at the noise. He took a deep breath and set the cup down. His lack of sleep from the night before was starting to catch up with him. He was even more on edge than usual.
The phone rang again, and Harry stepped closer. Snape had said he should answer the phone if it was ringing. On the third ring he picked up the receiver and held it to his ear. He hadn't ever done this before and was unsure what to say.
"Hello?" Harry said shakily.
There was a pause on the other end of the line. Harry held his breath and waited.
"Max?" Mary asked.
Harry's mind spun for a moment before he felt himself steady.
"Yes." Harry responded as evenly as he could.
"Hello dear. Is Severus around?" Mary asked.
Harry hesitated. Technically Snape was just downstairs, but he'd been told not to interrupt him for anything less than an emergency.
"He…um…He's busy at the moment." Harry stuttered out.
There was another pause and Harry could hear his heart beating in his ears. He wondered why Mary was calling. Was it about him? Did Snape and Mary often call one another? Was he doing this completely wrong?
"Oh, well could you take a message? Just have him call me back, okay?" Mary asked softly.
"Yes, ma'am." Harry said over the lump in his throat.
"All right, well talk to you later." Mary said before the line went dead.
Harry stood there for a moment with the phone in his hand. He definitely felt like he'd done that wrong.
With a sigh he hung the phone up and found a pen. He jotted down a brief note on the pad of paper that lived under the phone. He moved shakily away from it and back to the sink. He leaned over the sink and took long deep breaths. He wasn't sure why that had caused him so much anxiety, but he hoped he wouldn't have to do it again.
He filled the glass with water and drank it down. He now felt unsure about leaving. He had needed a break but now he just felt like he was on the verge of a panic attack. Mostly he wanted to go back to the guest room and bury himself in his books. He set the glass on the counter.
"Fucking idiot!" Snapes voice boomed as loud feet thundered up the stairs. The door slammed open and crashed into the wall as Snape stomped into the room.
Harry felt his whole body begin to shake and he froze to the spot.
Severus stood over his caldron counting clockwork stirs. His latest experimental brew was turning out well. Which for Severus was the first thing that had gone right all day. His relaxing bath had not helped ease the pain in his back at all and he had ended up just over thinking things for an hour while he steeped in the tub. When the water had become cold, he'd gotten out.
Then he had returned to his room only to discover that he had forgotten to do laundry and was out of anything black to wear. Despite his near total black wardrobe, he did in fact own other clothing. However, he preferred black when brewing. It showed less of the ungodly amount of stains and splatters one got on their clothing while brewing.
He had shuffled through his clothing and decided on a pair of blue jeans and a green t-shirt. He didn't typically wear anything that showed his arms. He hated to see the dark mark so boldly on his arm. A symbol of all of his mistakes. He would need to commit to doing laundry this evening.
When he arrived in the kitchen he'd decided on a small snack and realized Harry must have used just about the last of the food to make breakfast. He would need to make a trip to town and buy groceries. However, his back had given a painful twinge and he'd sneered at the refrigerator. He wouldn't be going today. Perhaps he'd apparate to London and get them take out for dinner. He would not be walking to town with his back in this state.
When he had reached the lab, he had growled realizing he'd left a cauldron in the sink that now may as well have concrete in it. He would also not be scrubbing it out today.
His day had just been a series of small inconveniences but with his back throbbing and his mind tied up on so many things he had just felt terribly on edge all day. He was thankful when he walked through the house that he hadn't come across Harry. He likely had gone back to town. Hopefully, his day was going better then Severus' day.
As he stirred the potion one last time he smiled slightly as it turned the powder blue he had been expecting. Then he scowled as it began to bubble and froth unexpectedly. The potion turned a sickly green and began to boil over splattering him with potion.
"Damn it!" Severus growled as he waved his wand and vanished the potion.
He walked to the sink and began scrubbing the potion from his hands and arms. He was just thankful it hadn't created something caustic.
He slammed the water off. Then turned to sneer at the mess on the work bench.
Storming past the mess he headed for the stairs.
"Can't manage to brew a simple fucking potion." Severus berated himself.
As he climbed the stairs his temper reached a peak when he began to feel a tingling itch where the potion had landed on his arms. Apparently, the nettles were irritating his skin. Just another reason not to brew in muggle clothing.
"Fucking idiot." He shouted, feeling his temper flare.
He grabbed the doorknob and threw the door open.
He would need to apply salve to his arms.
"Can't do anything right today." He seethed.
He slammed the door behind him closed then looked into the kitchen. He felt his breath catch and all of the anger drain from his body.
Harry stood frozen in front of the sink. His wide green eyes stared in panic.
Severus stepped towards Harry to apologize, and Harry bolted away from him.
"Harry." Severus called.
He watched as the boy darted around the table. He caught his foot on a chair and went crashing to the floor, taking the chair with him.
Severus moved closer to help Harry off the floor. The boy just scrambled before he sprung to his feet in a dead run, and was out of the kitchen in a moment. Severus froze as he heard the front door slam.
"Shit." Severus said with a sigh.
He'd not thought the boy was home. This day couldn't possibly get worse.
Severus went to walk towards the hall and felt like he had lightning shooting down his spine. He gasped in pain.
There was no way he could chase the boy down like this. He shouldn't have even been brewing like this. He sucked in a breath and slowly made his way down the hall. He needed help. It bruised his pride to admit it, but he couldn't do this alone.
When he reached the sitting room, he reached for the pot of floo powder. The thought of kneeling down right now was inconceivable. He tossed the powder in.
"Minerva McGonagall's office, Hogwarts." He called and stepped into the floo.
The floo spat him out on the other side and he stumbled slightly. His back screamed and he could feel tears stinging his eyes. He felt a wave of nausea hit him as he felt another sharp stab in his back.
Severus groaned.
Minerva jumped from her desk as Severus stumbled out of her floo.
The man grabbed his back and made a whimpering sound.
"Severus?" Minerva said racing around her desk.
Her mind flew through all of the possibilities. Her mind produced images of Death Eaters attacking. Where was Harry? Minerva thought in panic as she looked to the floo.
"Severus, what's happened?" Minerva said, taking his arm and dragging him to a chair.
Severus gasped as he moved.
Minerva pulled out her wand and summoned her patronus.
"Poppy, I need you in my office immediately." Minerva said sending off her patronus.
"Severus, where is Harry?" Minerva asked panic clear in her voice.
Severus groaned.
There was a pop and a house elf and Poppy appeared in Minerva's office.
"What happened?" Poppy said stepping closer to them.
"I have no idea. Severus came through the floo like this." Minerva said.
Poppy's brow creased as she pulled her wand and began to wave it over Severus in an intricate pattern. A parchment popped up next to her and she pulled it from the air.
Minerva watched Poppy study the page. She steadied herself expecting crucio or dark spells.
Minerva raised an eyebrow when Poppy chuckled.
"Congratulations, Severus, It's a kidney stone." Poppy said.
Severus glared at Poppy.
"I hardly see the humor." Severus spat and then gasped.
Minerva released the breath she was holding.
"Be thankful you're a wizard Severus. If you were a muggle, we'd have to let it pass on its own." Poppy said.
Severus grumbled.
"Here." Poppy said holding out a pain potion.
Minerva saw the creases of pain ease from Severus' face.
"You'll need to come to the hospital wing and be monitored for a few hours while the potions work through your system." Poppy said.
Severus grumbled.
"Severus is Harry at the house?" Minerva asked.
Severus pinched the bridge of his nose.
"No. It's why I came. I…I messed up. I was coming for help. He took off and with my back like this I couldn't go after him." Severus said.
Minerva's face got pinched.
"What happened?" Minerva asked.
Severus sighed.
"I've had a rather rough day. I went to brew. I thought Potter was gone. He usually is during the day. My potion blew up and I came back to my kitchen rather angry at myself. He was standing in the kitchen. I scared him and he took off." Severus explained.
Minerva sighed.
That was not good news. She hoped the boy hadn't gotten too far and would be willing to listen to an explanation. Severus would definitely need to apologize to the boy. She just hoped that Harry would be willing to accept it.
"Are these potion burns on your arms?" Poppy asked.
Severus shook his head.
"There were nettles in the brew. It just needs some salve." Severus explained.
Poppy nodded her head.
"I'll go look for Harry. You go to the hospital wing with Poppy." Minerva said straightening her robes.
"You'll need muggle clothes." Severus said.
Minerva rolled her eyes. She raised her wand and transfigured her robes into a light blue cotton blouse and dark slacks.
"Where should I look?" Minerva asked.
Severus sighed.
"The park near my house. He's been spending time there in his Animagus form. If not, then check with Mary at the Book Nook." Severus said through gritted teeth as he held back the pain he was clearly feeling.
Minerva nodded.
She walked to the floo.
"He goes by Max in town. He uses his metamorphmagus abilities there. He has long hair and blue eyes." Severus added.
Minerva nodded again and threw in the floo powder.
"Spinner's end." Minerva said and stepped through the grate.
Minerva sighed as she left the park. She had looked all over for any sign of Harry. He wasn't here. She brushed some debris from her pants. She had walked into the bushes around the pond, remembering that Harry said he'd been sleeping there. She had found nothing but an overly friendly black kitten.
There were too many muggles about to pull her wand and use a point-me spell. She continued walking in the direction she hoped the main part of town would be. All the while Keeping an eye out for Harry.
When she came to the business area, she let her eyes scan both sides of the street for Harry. She'd had to remind herself a couple of times that she wasn't looking for the wild black hair and green eyes.
Minerva saw no sign of the boy and looked for the shop Severus had mentioned. She remembered Severus saying that Harry had been working there when he had been on the run. When she spotted the book shop, she approached quickly.
Minerva took a steadying breath and went to open the door. Only to find the door locked. She looked at the sign and saw the posted hours said that they should be open.
Minerva raised her hand and knocked on the wood frame of the door and looked through the glass.
A moment later Minerva saw a short woman with silvery blond hair appear. She looked to be in her seventies.
"I'm sorry ma'am were closed." She said through the door.
"I'm looking for Max." Minerva said imploringly.
The woman's mouth got pinched and she reached for the lock and pulled the door open.
"Who are you?" The woman asked.
Minerva cleared her throat.
"My name is Minerva McGonagall. I'm one of his professors. Have you seen him?" Minerva said.
The woman got a skeptical look on her face.
"You work with Severus?" she asked stiffly.
"Yes." Minerva said with a nod.
The woman nodded and opened the door further.
"Come in." She said.
Minerva stepped passed the woman she was now sure was Mary.
"Max showed up here an hour ago hysterical. Do you know what happened?" Mary asked.
Minerva sighed. She was glad she had found Harry.
"Severus startled him. It wasn't intentional. He sent me to look for him." Minerva explained.
She knew Severus was trying to do his best with Harry. It was clear that he cared for him. She hoped this hadn't been the last straw for Harry. She knew that he was struggling.
Mary pursed her lips.
"You're here to take him back to Severus then?" Mary said flatly.
Minerva nodded.
"I've known Severus since he was a small boy. We've developed a good friendship over the years, and I've always trusted him. I've never questioned he was a good man until this Summer. Max is terrified. I'm not sure returning him there is for the best. He had a breakdown here yesterday as well. Though not as bad as what's happening now. I tried to call Severus to find out what was going on and couldn't get ahold of him. Today I called and Max answered. Then not ten minutes later he came flying in here like the hounds of hell were chasing him. He was hyperventilating and sobbing. I just now got him to calm a bit. I thought I was going to need to call the doctor when he wouldn't settle." Mary growled.
Minerva felt her heart break. Severus was a good man. He was doing his best. It was a terribly difficult situation.
"He needs stability. I thought Severus would be good for him. But I have listened for five years to Severus talk about what a nightmare the boy is. How Lily's boy was a troublemaker. An arrogant lazy brat. It's not who the boy is. He is the sweetest, most thoughtful child I've met, and he has a work ethic I've never seen before. If Severus is still not seeing that, I'll be calling child welfare for them to find another situation for him." Mary said protectively.
Minerva raised her hands placatingly.
"Severus is trying his hardest. There is a lot happening where the boy is concerned. Today really was a misunderstanding." Minerva explained.
Mary studied her for a long moment.
"He needs stability. Even if Severus is trying his hardest it might not be enough." Mary said with a sigh.
Minerva nodded.
"We are trying to work on another living arrangement. There are some legal issues at the moment." Minerva said.
She wasn't sure what the best situation was going to be for Harry. Severus was more mature in her opinion then Sirius. However, the boy undoubtedly had a better relationship with Sirius and Remus.
"Yes, he mentioned new guardians yesterday." Mary said.
Minerva nodded.
They stood in silence for a moment before Mary nodded.
"I would like Severus to come talk to me himself tomorrow." Mary said as she headed towards a door.
"Of course." Minerva said, as she followed Mary into the back of the shop.
Minerva felt her heart clench at the sight that met her. Harry was sitting on the floor against the far wall. He had himself all balled up and his head down against his knees. Long wavy locks fell all over the place.
Mary pulled a chair out from a table stacked with books and took a seat. Then she pointed to another chair for Minerva.
Minerva sat and folded her hands in her lap.
"Harry." Mary called softly.
Minerva was surprised to hear Mary call him by his name. Apparently, Harry was too. His head popped up and Minerva felt worse. The boy's face was covered in tears and his eyes were red from crying.
His frightened green eyes met hers.
"Professor? What…What are you doing here?" Harry said shakily.
Minerva pursed her lips together.
"Professor Snape asked me to come find you. He didn't mean to startle you." Minerva started softly.
Harry shook head and wrapped his arms tighter.
"He was mad at me. I…I didn't mean to…to…I don't even know what I did." Harry choked as fresh tears fell down his face.
Minerva swallowed hard trying to keep herself from crying. They had really messed up. How had this boy walked the halls of their school for five years and no one saw that this was what was underneath.
Minerva took a deep breath.
"Harry, he didn't think you were home. He hurt himself in the lab and was just frustrated. I promise he wasn't upset with you." Minerva said.
Minerva could see the boy's whole body shaking.
Harry lowered his head. She could hear Harry saying something but couldn't make it out. She looked at Mary and saw the pain on her face and tears shining in her eyes.
Minerva wasn't sure what to do in this situation. Minerva caught Mary's eye and gestured towards the door. Mary nodded.
"I'll be back in a minute." Mary said softly to Harry.
Minerva turned to Mary when they were back in the shop.
"What was he saying?" Minerva asked.
Mary blinked away tears in her eyes.
"He was saying 'I'll be good' over and over." Mary said slightly choked.
Minerva closed her eyes.
She opened her eyes and looked at the woman in front of her. She was thankful Harry had found someone he could turn to.
"Can he stay here for a little while? I have a doctor friend looking over Severus, but I think I need to get her." Minerva said.
She wasn't sure what to do for Harry, but it didn't seem that talking to him was going to work. Perhaps Poppy could give him something to calm him down.
Mary nodded.
"Of course. He can stay as long as necessary." she said firmly.
Minerva nodded.
"Very well. I'll be back shortly." Minerva said.
Severus grumbled as he took the third potion Poppy had shoved at him. They tasted like vinegar and burned on the way down. The pain in his back seemed to be lessening though.
"You need one more in an hour. How's your pain?" Poppy asked.
"Improving." Severus drawled.
Poppy nodded and headed back to her office.
Severus leaned back on the bed.
A kidney stone. No wonder nothing had been helping. He sighed. He was sure it was genetic. His father had suffered several in his life.
He hoped Minerva had found Harry. He'd really fucked up this time. The terror in the boy's eyes had been painful to see.
Severus closed his eyes. He wasn't sure he'd be able to fix it this time. They'd been getting along all right last night. The boy had seemed lighter by the time he'd gone to bed. Then there had been all the cleaning this morning. Clearly the boy had been upset before he'd even gotten up. He felt like he had just made everything worse.
Severus sighed.
He turned his head at the sound of the hospital wing doors opening.
His heart sunk when he saw Minerva. She'd returned without Harry. She strode past Severus to Poppy's office without a glance. Severus swallowed hard. He wondered if the boy had hurt himself again.
A few moments later Poppy and Minerva walked up to his bed.
"Did you find him?" Severus asked worriedly.
Minerva nodded.
"Yes, he was at the book shop. He is very upset. I came to see if Poppy might have any ideas. Talking to him just seemed to upset him more." Minerva said quietly.
Severus swallowed hard.
He really hadn't meant to upset him.
"I'm going to go with Minerva and give him a dreamless sleep. Hopefully, we can talk to him when he wakes up." Poppy said softly.
Severus nodded. It wasn't a perfect plan but if the boy was that upset it might be the only option.
"How will you get him from the shop back to my house?" Severus asked.
"I called Remus. He'll be here in a minute." Poppy said softly.
Severus sighed.
There were going to be a lot of people in his house.
"Very well." Severus said.
"Take this in an hour and wait twenty minutes. If you are still having pain, send your patronus. Otherwise, you're free to go. Will wait at the house for you and keep an eye on Harry." Poppy said, handing him another yellow potion.
"I'll be there shortly." Severus said with a nod.
"Sirius, It's not safe. Just stay here. Let me go help." Remus growled.
Sirius eyes looked broken. When Poppy had called Sirius had nearly followed her through the floo.
"Please." Sirius begged.
Remus felt his chest tighten. He knew this was the right thing, but it didn't mean it wasn't painful.
"No, Sirius. I'll call as soon as we get him back to Snapes." Remus said.
Sirius nodded and sat quietly on the couch. His head fell into his hands.
Remus felt horrible. Sirius was still being punished for something he hadn't done. Remus took a deep breath and stepped into the floo.
Remus walked with Minerva and poppy down the streets of the quiet town. He'd been here only once when Lily's parents had died. They had all come to help Lily with the house and arrangements when Petunia had refused to return and help her. They'd been there for a few days. He couldn't remember exactly where Lily's house was from here.
With a sigh he looked forward and noticed they were coming to a busy little shopping neighborhood. Remus noticed the grocery store and remembered going there to buy dinner supplies one night. He thought the house was only a few blocks from here.
Minerva stopped in front of the book shop across from the grocery. She raised her hand and rapped on the door. A few moments later an old woman opened the door.
She shot them each curious looks and then opened the door wider to let them in. They filed in and stood awkwardly in the middle of the shop for a minute.
"How is Harry?" Minerva asked.
The woman had a sad look on her face and shook her head.
"I can't even get him to talk to me now. He's just completely shut down." She said softly.
Remus looked deeper into the shop. He wondered where Harry was.
Poppy nodded.
"I'm Doctor Poppy Pomfrey. I'm going to give him a sedative. We're hoping it will relax him enough to get him home." Poppy said.
The woman sighed and nodded.
She turned her head and looked at Remus.
"Have we met before?" She asked.
Remus tried to remember if he'd come into the shop when he'd been here. He didn't think so. It hadn't been that kind of a visit.
"I'm not sure. I've only been to Cokeworth once." Remus said softly.
The woman studied him for a long moment. Then nodded.
"You were at Rose and Johnathan's funeral." Mary said tightly.
Remus nodded. They'd all gone to the Evan's funeral. Lily had been shattered at losing both of her parents at the same time. They hadn't even been out of school a month when they'd died.
"You were a friend of Lily's I take it." The woman asked.
"Yes, Remus Lupin." Remus said holding out his hand.
"Mary Ash." Mary said, taking Remus hand in a light shake.
"May I see Harry." Poppy asked.
Mary nodded and Poppy followed the woman through a door.
Remus sighed and turned to Minerva.
"What are we going to do? This isn't a solution. We can't just drug him every time he breaks down." Remus sighed.
He wished he could take Harry home with him. Start getting him settled into a routine. He'd already written out a plan for how to approach Harry regarding mind healing. None of it was really realistic while he was still with Snape.
Remus decided that he didn't care how long it took to get Sirius name cleared. When the wards were up, he would be taking Harry home. He didn't blame Severus, but this wasn't working out.
"Remus." Poppy called.
Remus followed her voice into a back room and saw Harry laid out on the floor.
"He's asleep. Will carry him back to the house." Poppy said.
Remus nodded and bent down and gently scooped Harry up. It pulled at his heart to be holding Harry again. He was far too small and light for his age. Remus jostled him slightly to get him in a better position and then looked to Poppy.
She nodded and they headed back into the shop.
"Did you say you were walking?" Mary asked in concern.
"Yes." Minerva answered.
Mary gave them a curious look. It was rather strange Remus figured that they'd all shown up, clearly not from town and without a car. However, Remus couldn't worry about how it looked.
He looked down at the boy in his arms. He'd never seen Harry like this. He wondered if this was truly what his son looked like. His soft hair hung in tangled waves over Remus' arm. It was so like Sirius' hair. His lips and nose were different. More like Lily's. The most gutting thing was that his face was more like his own then he'd expected. His brows and ears were more like James, but the shape of his face was so much like his own at that age. Being able to see himself in his child burned something deep in his chest.
"Thank you for taking care of Harry, Mrs. Ash. We appreciate it." Remus said softly, not looking away from Harry.
"of course." Mary said.
"Please have Severus come see me tomorrow." Mary said to Minerva.
Minerva nodded.
They all walked out the door and slipped into a nearby alley where Minerva cast disillusionment charms over them.
Sirius sat staring into the empty fireplace wishing it would light. He needed to know Harry was all right. He sighed and looked down at his hands.
A whooshing sound grabbed his attention and he saw Remus' face in the fire.
"Remy, how is he?" Sirius said dropping to his knees in front of the fire.
Remus sighed.
"He's asleep right now. We're waiting for Severus to return." Remus said.
"Can…can I come see him. Please Remus." Sirius begged.
He needed to see Harry with his own eyes.
Remus sighed and finally nodded.
Sirius stood and grabbed the floo powder. He tossed it into the fireplace.
"Spinner's end." Sirius said and stepped in.
When the spinning stopped, he found himself in a rundown sitting room filled to the brim with bookcases.
Remus was standing next to a beaten down couch.
"Come on." Remus said softly.
Sirius followed Remus deeper into the house. They climbed a set of stairs. Sirius was surprised by how clean the old house was. Not that he thought Snape would live in a pigsty, but the place seemed freshly scrubbed.
They entered a room to the right of the stairs that had the door open.
Sirius nodded to Minerva and Poppy who were standing at the end of Harry's bed. The room was nearly empty other than the trunk at the end of the bed. It was depressing.
Sirius breath caught realizing Harry was in his base form. He felt the lump form in his throat as he looked at Remus.
"Let him rest." Poppy said, as she and Minerva left the room.
Sirius walked over and took Remus' hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.
"He'll be okay." Sirius whispered softly.
Remus nodded his head but didn't take his eyes off of Harry.
"Is this his base form?" Remus asked with a choked voice.
"Yeah." Sirius replied.
"He looks like us. How did you not know?" Remus said, turning to Sirius with tears in his eyes.
Sirius swallowed hard. It had been too painful to think when he'd seen Harry's base form. He thought he'd just been seeing what he wanted to see.
"I didn't think it was possible." Sirius said softly.
They both watched Harry take slow even breaths. His cheeks had a slight blush on them. His arms were spread out and his face was turned towards them.
Sirius stepped forward and set his hand on Harry's leg and gave it a gentle squeeze.
"It'll be okay, Pup." Sirius said softly.
He reached down and untied the laces of Harry's shoes and pulled them off of his feet. He tucked the shoes under the edge of the bed and gave Remus a tight smile.
Remus nodded and they headed for the door. Remus turned out the lights and pulled the door closed.
Severus rubbed his face as he stood in his sitting room. The pain he'd been in earlier had completely dissipated. For which he was unbelievably thankful.
He could hear soft voices coming from down the hall and groaned. He knew they'd still be here, but he was not looking forward to the upcoming conversation. He was thankful he had made a quick detour to his quarters and changed into his normal term time attire.
He hoped Harry was all right. He felt the guilt well back up in his chest.
He entered his kitchen to find not only Poppy and Minerva as he had expected but also Black and Lupin. He wanted to tell them to get the hell out of his house, but he reminded himself that things had actually been better with them. And they were all here for the same reason.
"Are you feeling better?" Poppy asked.
Severus nodded and headed for the kettle on the stove. He tapped the side and found it still hot. He retrieved a cup for himself and made himself a cup of tea. He then turned and leaned against the counter and looked at the table full of people.
"What happened today?" Remus said with a slight growl.
Black was staring daggers at him.
Severus took a deep breath and explained how the day had gone. When he reached the end, he sighed.
"I really didn't think the boy was home." Severus said softly.
There was a tense silence that followed.
"Mary says she's ready to call child welfare. Apparently, Harry was in her shop yesterday having a breakdown. Any idea why?" Minerva asked.
Severus' brows pinched and he shook his head.
"No, I didn't see him much yesterday. Like I said He mostly spends his days away from the house. He seemed a little down when he got home. We talked for a while." Severus said.
"Talked about what?" Black demanded.
Severus glared at him.
"None of your business Black." Severus barked back.
Black stood and went to draw his wand. Severus had his out and pointed at him before he had a chance.
"Okay. Enough." Remus said pulling Black back into his seat.
"This isn't helpful." Remus growled looking back and forth between Severus and Black.
Severus lowered his wand and tucked it away. He was right.
"I think what Sirius meant to ask was, was the conversation last night upsetting." Remus said.
Severus leaned back on the counter.
"No offence Lupin but the boy's whole life is upsetting. However, he didn't seem overly burdened when he went off to bed last night. I'm unsure why he was upset at the book shop yesterday and I'm sorry for frightening him today." Severus said.
"It was not my intention to scare him. If I never see that look on his face again, it will be too soon." Severus said with a soft whisper as he rubbed his eyes.
He could see Harry's terrified eyes in his mind, see the boy sprawled out on the floor trying desperately to get away from him.
Severus shook his head and looked back at the table.
Minerva and Poppy both had sympathetic looks on their faces.
Severus huffed. He didn't need there pity. He was not the one who needed comfort here.
"How do we move forward with Harry?" Severus asked, looking Remus in the eye. He was supposedly a mind healer. Perhaps he had an idea about what they could do. Clearly Severus plan to just keeping the boy safe for a month or so until they could take him wasn't working out.
Severus mind drifted back to the night before last when he'd found the drugs under Potter's bed. It was another possible factor in his behavior.
He wouldn't announce it to the whole group though. He thought he and Black could probably manage that if Black could keep his calm for more than two minutes.
Remus looked deep in thought.
"I have some ideas. I'm going to need to talk to Harry when he wakes up. Get an assessment of where he's at right now." Remus said.
Poppy nodded and Severus sighed.
"How long will the boy be out Poppy?" Severus asked.
It was nearly dinner time as it was, and he was not trying to host a house full longer then he needed to. Severus groaned internally when he remembered there wasn't anything to eat in the fridge.
"I only gave him a small dose. I didn't want him to sleep long. Hopefully he'll still be able to sleep tonight." Poppy answered.
Severus pinched the bridge of his nose. He would be stuck with them for a while then. They wouldn't be able to be addressed this in the morning as he'd hoped. It would not be wise to send them all away and be alone with Harry again right now. He was sure it would only send the boy into another panic.
Harry blinked slowly into the dim room. His brain felt like it was moving through mud. His heart began to pick up speed as he began to remember what had happened. He sat up and looked around. How had he gotten back to Snapes? Was he locked in? He apparently really messed up this time. He didn't even bother to get up and check the door. He rolled on his side and pulled his knees up and cried silently.
He didn't know what he'd done to set off Snape. He thought he'd been doing good. He'd gotten the house clean and made breakfast. He's stayed out of the man's way all day. His mind raced for where he'd messed up. Maybe he'd moved something in the sitting room or the office when he'd cleaned in there.
He took more deep breaths, but he was finding it hard to breathe. He sat up and patted his pockets until he found the inhaler. Once he'd used it he focused on his wall and pulled it up. When he felt the numbness around him he opened his eyes.
He stared blankly across the room. He just needed to focus. He couldn't do anything about whatever Snape had been angry about, until Snape told him. He hoped Snape would tell him. Sometimes his aunt and uncle would tell him how stupid he was for not knowing what he'd done wrong. He hated those moments. Harry wringed his hands. He needed to focus on something else before the wall collapsed under the weight of everything behind it.
Harry raised his hand and produced the ball of light and sent it hovering just above his head. He had no idea how long he'd be stuck in here. Thankfully unlike at the Dursley's he had his trunk.
He opened it and retrieved the stack of books and notes he'd been working on earlier. Perhaps if he solved this problem, he could at least make one of the adults happy with him. It wasn't worth much, but it was something.
Harry pulled the notes out and studied them. He squinted at something he'd written in the margins. With a flick of his wrist the light got brighter. He furrowed his brow at the note. It was a potions question he'd planned to ask Hermione. He thought he had the book to answer the question on his own now though. He stood and retrieved it from his trunk and returned to his bed to read.
Remus sighed. They'd been sitting in near silence in Severus sitting room for going on two hours. Minerva had returned to Hogwarts briefly to get food when they'd learned there wasn't a bit of food to be had in the house. Sirius had questioned Severus about it, and he had admitted he'd planned to get takeout tonight and groceries tomorrow.
They'd retired to the sitting where there was enough seating for everyone. He, Sirius, and Minerva were all crammed on the couch while Severus and Poppy took the two armchairs. They'd all talked a little more but mostly they'd sat in pensive silence.
Poppy thought he should be awake in the next half hour. If he didn't venture down it had been determined Remus would go up and try and talk to him. He felt nervous about talking to Harry. There last interaction had been difficult, and he and Sirius had felt hurt. They'd both been understanding of Harry's need for space though. It had been a lot to take in. Remus was still feeling guilty about all that Harry had seen in his mind. He wondered if part of the stress he was dealing with was related.
Severus was clearly getting restless. He finally stood and began pacing. Remus felt bad that they were having to invade the man's space. He hoped things could go smoothly with Harry. Though he doubted it.
"Black, a word please." Severus said and left the sitting room.
Sirius gave him a questioning look and Remus just shrugged. Sirius cast his eyes to the door and squeezed Remus' hand.
"I love you." Sirius said softly, before he stood and followed Snape.
Severus summoned the bag of drugs from his room. When they were in his hand he shoved them into his pocket, then waited for Black to join him.
Black joined him a moment later and he led them into the office. When the door closed Severus cast silencing and privacy charms and took a seat behind his desk. He pointed to the armchair in the room and Black sat.
With a sigh Severus looked at Black.
"How long have you been sober?" Severus asked neutrally.
He didn't want to come off as accusatory. However, the reason he had picked Black to help him with this was because he knew Black had been deep in the bottle living at Grimmauld. He seemed to have sobered up. Perhaps that perspective could help Harry. Severus himself had lived with his alcoholic father. He'd also helped several Students who'd found themselves involved with drugs and illicit potions.
"Since Christmas." Black said firmly.
Severus nodded.
"I do not wish to drag more of the boy's life under a microscope and I am not judging him. However, I found something in his room that I think requires addressing." Severus said, holding the bag out to Black.
Black scrunched his eyebrows and leaned forward to take the bag.
He looked down at the small colorful tablets.
"Do you know what they are?" Severus asked.
Black nodded.
"Yeah." Sirius answered softly.
Severus watched as he shuffled the bag back and forth a little.
"I feel like I don't even know him." Black said, running his hand through his hair.
He held the bag out and Severus took it. The pain on the man's face was obvious. Despite how much he disliked Black, he wasn't trying to upset him.
"What do you want to do?" Black asked, meeting his eye.
Severus sighed.
"I'd like for us to talk to Harry together about this. Find out where he got the drugs. How long he's been using them. And then go from there. I've not searched the rest of his room or his trunk, but I think that it would be wise to do so. If this is a problem, then we treat it and inform Lupin so that he may be able to help him. If this is just experimenting, then we explain the dangers and offer support." Severus explained.
Black nodded but the pain had not left his eyes.
"He is really hurting. I saw it this last year, but I didn't know how bad it was. We…I should have done something." Black said.
Severus nodded.
"As you pointed out I've been around him for five years and I didn't see it." Severus sighed and put the bag back in his pocket.
He stood and Black did as well.
"He should be waking now. Hopefully, Lupin will be able to talk to him." Severus said.
He felt anxiety building in his chest as they rejoined Minerva and Poppy in the sitting room.
Harry heard a creak on the stairs outside his room. He gathered up his papers and his books and crammed them into his bag before he shrank it and shoved it in his pocket. He thought it had been about an hour since he woke up. He was feeling calmer and had been able to lower his wall some. However, he would not face Snape sitting on his bed. Sitting was just asking to be hit and he'd not make it easy if Snape was still angry.
He waved his hand and forced the room lights back on and dropped his floating light. He'd put his shoes back on about twenty minutes ago. He'd been alarmed to realize he wasn't wearing them. He still didn't know how he'd gotten back from the Book Nook. He didn't like that, and he didn't like that someone had touched him while he was asleep. The feeling in his head made him think he'd been drugged with a dreamless sleep. He couldn't taste it in his mouth, so he assumed it had been spelled into his stomach.
The door cracked open, and he felt his body begin to shake slightly.
Then sandy blond hair appeared.
It was Remus. What was he doing here?
He smiled softly at Harry from the door.
"Hey pup. You mind if I come in for a minute?" Remus asked.
Harry hesitated. He tried to look past Remus into the hall but saw no one else.
"It's just me." Remus said.
Harry nodded but did not move from where he stood. He liked having the bed between them.
He watched Remus close the door and walk to the desk on the far side of the room. He pulled the chair out and took a seat. He crossed his legs and folded his hands on his knee.
Harry watched him warily. He didn't understand what was happening.
"Why are you here?" Harry croaked.
He swallowed hard when he realized how horse his voice was.
Remus gave him a tight smile.
"I wanted to talk to you." Remus answered.
Harry nodded.
"Would you like to sit down?" Remus asked.
Harry shook his head. He felt more relaxed with Remus here, but he still felt on edge.
Remus nodded.
"That's fine. Whatever makes you comfortable. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?" Remus asked.
Harry didn't really want to answer questions right now. He wanted to be left alone. Then he remembered the feeling of overwhelming love that he'd felt in Remus' memories and found himself nodding.
"Okay. Can you tell me how your feeling right now?" Remus asked.
Harry scrunched his eyebrows.
"Confused." Harry answered.
Remus gave him another half-smile and nodded.
"Okay. That's okay. Can you tell me what's confusing?" Remus asked.
"I don't know how I got back here." Harry answered.
"You became non-responsive in the book shop. Madam Pomfrey spelled a small amount of Dreamless sleep into your stomach and I caried you back." Remus explained.
Harry furrowed his brow. He vaguely remembered McGonagall showing up in the shop. His mind had been a mess and he'd just been afraid.
He nodded. He supposed that made since.
"Why were my shoes off." Harry asked cautiously.
Remus frowned.
"Sirius took them off. I'm sorry if that upsets you. He was just trying to make you comfortable." Remus explained.
It did make Harry upset. He just didn't know how to voice the feeling crawling in his stomach at being touched when he was unaware. He could acknowledge that it was a kind gesture. One he had seen the Dursley's do for Dudley when he was little and fell asleep in his clothes. But it made his skin crawl. He didn't want people touching him. Especially when he was unconscious.
He couldn't say that though. It was too revealing. Just another way he was a broken freak and couldn't just except the kind gesture.
Pushing the emotions down, he refocused on what Remus had said.
"Sirius was here?" Harry asked a little brokenly.
Why did every one of his breakdowns have to turn into a show for everyone?
Remus nodded.
"He's speaking with Severus right now." Remus answered.
Harry sighed.
"Can you tell me what happened today?" Remus asked carefully.
Harry's mind felt fuzzy. He thought about what had happened. Snape had just snapped. He couldn't really figure out what he had done. Or why Snape had been so angry.
Harry felt tears sting his eyes. He shrugged and looked pleadingly at Remus.
"I don't know what happened. I…I was just getting some water and Snape started yelling and slamming doors. I'm sorry. I don't know what I did." Harry said shakily, feeling a tear roll down his face.
He saw Remus take a deep breath. It was a very exaggerated breath and Harry felt inclined to replicate it. He took a deep breath and Remus smiled at him.
"Just breathe Harry. You're ok. No one's angry at you. Not even Severus. I would like to explain what happened, but I want to know if you think you can take some deep breaths for me first?" Remus said in an even tone.
Harry found the tone soothing. He nodded and took a few more deep breaths.
"Good. Now, would you like to sit while I explain?" Remus asked.
Harry looked at his bed and then back to Remus. He still felt unsure, but the deep breathing had helped.
Harry kicked off his shoes and climbed onto the bed. He pulled his pillow off the bed and hugged it to his chest then leaned back against the headboard. Then nodded.
Remus smiled and nodded back.
"Okay. I want to start by informing you that Severus is not mad at you nor was he earlier." Remus said.
Harry gave him a skeptical look. He could believe that Snape had calmed down, but he had definitely been angry earlier.
Remus raised his hand slightly.
"I know there was a lot of yelling, but I want you to think back to when Severus came out of the potion's lab. Can you do that?" Remus asked.
Harry furrowed his brows as he thought. He remembered the door slamming and the yelling. He tried to remember what had happened next. His body had frozen up. It had been a quiet day, and he hadn't expected the sudden noise. Then he remembered Snapes face. He seemed shocked? Why would he be shocked?
Harry nodded.
"Was Severus yelling at you?" Remus asked softly.
Harry closed his eyes. Snape had stepped closer and called out to him. His body had screamed run and he had. But Snape wasn't yelling anymore. He came towards him when he'd fallen, and he'd thought about his uncle looming over him that last day. Kicking him over and over again.
Harry took a shaky breath and shrugged. He didn't know if Snape had been yelling at him. But if not him, then who? It was just the two of them in the house.
"Okay. That's okay if you don't know. It's also okay that the situation scared you. I talked with Severus. Would you like to know what he said?" Remus asked.
Harry nodded and opened his eyes to watch Remus.
"He told me that he was brewing and had a small potions accident. He was upset and was coming upstairs to take a break. He thought you'd gone out. His words weren't meant for you. You did nothing wrong. He was just angry at himself and lost his temper. He's deeply sorry that he scared you, Harry." Remus explained.
Harry buried his head in the pillow in his arms. He'd messed up again. He just couldn't stop making mistakes. He just wanted away from all of this. Nothing had been wrong and if he'd not freaked out everything would have been fine. Instead, he had gone running to Mary a crying mess. His head of house, school Medi-witch, Sirius, and Remus had all had to chase him down. Again. The words from Mrs. Weasley's letter rang in his mind. 'You could have gotten someone killed. What would have happened if someone got hurt looking for you?'
He felt his shoulder start to shake and he cried into his pillow. He didn't want anyone to get hurt. Sirius had been here. What would have happened if someone had seen him?
Yet, despite all of that. He just hadn't wanted to be around an angry adult. Hadn't he had to deal with enough of that?
Harry cried for a few minutes and Remus stayed silent.
Harry took a few deep breaths before he raised his head and looked at Remus.
"Is everyone mad at me again for running off?" Harry asked in a whisper.
Remus shook his head and looked at him seriously.
"Of course not Harry. We were worried about you, but we are not angry. We understand what happened. It's okay. Everything is okay now." Remus said softly.
Harry shook his head. He'd messed up again. He shouldn't have been in the house. He'd just needed some time alone. He was trying to work on the research for Remus. He'd been trying to make things better, and he'd just blown things up with Snape.
Harry pulled his occlumency wall up more. Then took a few deep breaths.
"I'd like to ask a few more questions. Would that be all right?" Remus asked.
Harry nodded numbly.
"Are you having any thoughts of hurting yourself?" Remus asked.
Harry felt his stomach clench. He hated that Remus knew about that. How weak and pathetic he must seem to the man.
Harry shook his head. He felt terrible for having cut himself on Friday. Then Sirius had taken his knife and all he could feel now was guilt. He had no desire to disappoint them again.
"Okay. That's good." Remus said softly.
"Do you feel safe staying here with Severus?" Remus asked.
Harry thought about that for a long moment. He didn't see any reason to think he wasn't safe. He was clearly the one in the wrong. He'd once again misinterpreted a situation. If Remus said Snape wasn't mad, then he supposed he was as safe as he was before this afternoon.
Harry shrugged and then nodded.
"It's okay if your answer is no, Harry. I just want to know how you're feeling." Remus said.
Harry bit his lip and twisted his hands together against the soft pillow.
"I'm not sure how I feel." Harry said quietly.
Remus nodded.
"That's okay." Remus said softly.
"Is there anything that we can do for you?" Remus asked.
Harry considered. All he wanted was space. How was he supposed to ask for that? He didn't even really know what he was asking for. He just needed time alone. Time to think over everything that had happened.
Harry shrugged.
"That's okay. If you think of anything, you can tell us, okay? Will do what we can for you Harry." Remus said.
Harry nodded.
"I'm sure Sirius would like to talk to you, and I imagine Severus will want to as well. Would you rather they come up here? Or would you prefer to come downstairs with me?" Remus asked.
Harry considered for only a moment. He didn't want more people in here. He also really wanted a glass of water, the more he thought about it the thirstier he felt.
"I'll go with you." Harry answered softly and climbed off the bed.
Remus nodded and stood.
Harry pulled his shoes back on. Then he followed Remus downstairs.
When they reached the bottom of the stairs Harry could hear everyone talking in the sitting room. He had told Remus he didn't want to talk to everyone. Remus had nodded and sent him to the kitchen for a glass of water. When Harry returned to the hall Sirius was standing there.
"Hey, Pup. You doing all right?" Sirius asked.
Harry nodded. He felt unsure of himself and twisted his fingers anxiously.
"Can I have a hug?" Sirius asked softly.
Harry bit his lip. He felt wrong for wanting a hug so badly. But he wasn't asking, Sirius was, so he nodded.
Sirius smiled and stepped closer and wrapped his arms tight around him. Harry leaned his head against Sirius' chest and heard his heart beating. It was a soothing sound. He tried to get his breathing to match Sirius' slow steady rhythm.
Harry hesitated for a moment before he wrapped his arms around Sirius and held him tight. Sirius hand moved in soothing circles on his back, and he melted into the embrace. He felt so bad for pushing Sirius and Remus away. He'd been so broken when he'd thought Sirius was dead. Then so confused and hurt the last couple of times he'd seen them. Now he couldn't be more thankful that he was here. He loved Sirius. He didn't ever want to lose him again.
"You're alright." Sirius said soothingly.
Harry nodded and pulled away.
Sirius gave him a little smirk.
"I like the longer hair. I think it might be the only way to tame it." Sirius said.
Harry caught sight of the long hair in his periphery and blushed scarlet.
He hadn't realized. He felt a little shaky as he shifted back.
"It's okay. You can always be yourself with me Harry. We just want you to be happy." Sirius said softly.
Harry wrapped his arms around himself. He felt exposed.
"Snape wants to talk to you for a minute. Then he and I have something we want to go over with you. Is that all right?" Sirius asked.
Harry just nodded. He just wanted to move away from the conversation about his appearance.
Harry followed Sirius into the office and Snape joined them a moment later. Harry couldn't meet the man's eye.
They all stood quietly in the office for a moment before Snape broke the silence.
"Harry, I want to sincerely apologize. I had a rather difficult day. Turns out that what I thought was a pulled muscle in my back was actually a kidney stone." Snape said.
Harry had read in his healing book that kidney stones could be as painful as childbirth. He grimaced.
"Are you okay now?" Harry asked softly.
Snape got a look in his eye that Harry couldn't really understand and nodded.
"I'm fine. Poppy got me fixed up." Snape said softly.
With a deep breath Snape continued.
"I was dealing with a significant amount of pain, and I made a mistake in my brewing. I came upstairs and threw a rather undignified tantrum. It wasn't aimed at you, I promise. When I'd come downstairs from my bath and didn't see you, I assumed you'd gone out. There isn't an excuse for my behavior. I acted inappropriately and I'm deeply sorry to have upset you so much." Snape said.
Harry glanced up at the man. He looked remorseful. Harry could practically feel the self-loathing rolling off of him. He swallowed hard and nodded.
"I understand. I'm sorry for running away again. I hope you can forgive me." Harry said quietly.
Snape somehow looked more upset.
"You don't owe me an apology Harry. You didn't do anything wrong. You reacted to the situation. I'm proud of you for going to a safe person." Snape said firmly.
Harry blushed at the strange praise. He hadn't made a conscious decision to run to Mary. He had just run there not knowing where else to go.
"I hope you can forgive me. I understand it may take a while for that to happen, but I hope we are able to get there." Snape said.
Harry nodded. He'd almost enjoyed talking with Snape last night. He still hoped to ask more questions about his mother.
"Very well, why don't you take a seat. Black and I have something we'd like to address with you. Then you can get something to eat. It's been a long day and it's getting late. Snape said conjuring two chairs and taking a seat. Harry realized Sirius was already sitting in the armchair behind him.
Harry moved the chair back a little and turned it, so he was out of reach of Snape and able to face them both.
He wondered what they wanted to discuss. They didn't seem angry, but Sirius had a look on his face that Harry couldn't quite place. It wasn't quite guilt or hurt but something like that.
Snape took a deep breath and pulled something from his pocket. Harry couldn't see what it was.
"On Friday I checked on you after you'd gone to sleep. I noticed something under the edge of your bed and retrieved it. I thought it was something that had fallen out when you had moved your belongings from your old trunk to your new one." Snape explained.
Harry felt his stomach squirm. He didn't like that Snape had been in his room while he slept but he knew not to expect privacy. It had also been the night he'd slept as Akela and he felt more secure in that form.
"I'm sorry for leaving my belongings on the floor sir. It won't happen again." Harry said, trying to meet Snape's eye.
He hadn't meant to break a rule. He wondered if that meant he was back on restriction.
Snape shook his head.
"I don't care about that. I'm sorry I was so stiff when you first came to stay here. I want you to feel comfortable here. If you have items that you would like to put in the room outside of your trunk that will be fine." Snape said.
Harry furrowed his brows in confusion.
"I don't understand then. What do we need to talk about?" Harry said his eye's flicking to Sirius who now looked sad.
Harry swallowed. He wished he could take away the sad look on Sirius' face.
"Our conversation is about what I found." Severus said holding out his hand.
Harry reached out and Snape dropped something in his palm.
Harry was confused and then blushed. It was the drugs he had accidently gotten from Justin.
He looked accusingly at Sirius.
"You think I'm on drugs." Harry asked with a touch of hurt in his voice.
Sirius sat forward and leaned his forearms on his thighs.
"I don't know. Snape said he found them in your room. I'm not sure what to think. I'm not mad or disappointed, But I can't lie and say I'm not concerned about this." Sirius said in a steady voice.
Harry felt a little anger boil in his chest. He looked back at Snape.
"I'm not on drugs." Harry said firmly, handing the bag back to Snape.
Snape raised an eyebrow.
"Would you care to explain how these came to be in your possession?" Snape asked.
Harry sighed. He didn't want to get Justin in trouble.
"I'd rather not." Harry said with a sigh.
"Pup, we only want to help you." Sirius said.
Harry turned to look at him. The anger was replaced by hurt. Did Sirius really think he was doing drugs?
"Siri, I promise you I've never done drugs. The reason I have these is a long story and I don't want to get someone else in trouble. What do I have to do to prove to you that I'm not on drugs?" Harry said pleadingly.
Sirius face softened a little.
Harry looked back at Snape with his own raised eyebrow.
Snape sat back and studied Harry.
"We will be searching your room and your trunk." Snape said with a sigh.
Harry blushed. He didn't really want anyone going through his trunk. They were the only things that had ever been his.
"Will that be a problem?" Snape asked with a little bit of challenge in his voice.
Harry sighed and shook his head.
"No, Sir. Not a problem." Harry said.
Snape nodded and stood.
The three of them made their way to the guest room. Harry stood at the door while Snape and Sirius went through the room. When they reached the trunk Snape asked him to open it. Harry laid his palm on top and whispered the password. He watched as they pulled out the little bit of clothing he had, his books, his photo album, his letters, his toiletries, and his other school supplies and the few trinkets he had collected over the years at school. He had a few shrunken items in his trunk as well. Like his broom and Hedwigs cage.
When they reached the bottom, they pulled the bag from the Weasley's out. Snape set the potions aside and raised an eyebrow at the bottle of firewhiskey.
Harry had blushed slightly, but it wasn't what they were looking for.
When they reached the bottom, they returned most of his possessions to his trunk. The potions and firewhiskey still lay on his bed.
"Where is your bag?" Snape asked.
He didn't want Snape going through his bag. It had all of his private things in it.
"It's in my pocket." Harry said softly.
Snape nodded and held out his hand.
Harry looked pleadingly at Sirius.
"Come on pup." Sirius said softly.
Harry sighed and pulled out his bag and resized it. He unzipped the top and retrieved his notes he'd just been working on. Then he held it out for Snape to take.
Snape looked questioningly at the pages of parchment but said nothing. Harry watched as Snape pulled out his books and his sketch book. He set them gently on the bed and Sirius picked them up one at a time and ruffled the pages. Harry assumed to make sure he hadn't hidden anything in the pages.
Snape pulled the marauder's map out and then the invisibility cloak. Harry hoped Snape wouldn't take them away. He swallowed thickly. They were the only things he had of his fathers. Snape set both on the bed and continued to dig in his bag. He pulled out the bag of cat food and gave Harry a questioning look.
Harry looked at the floor.
He glanced back up when he heard clinking. Snape pulled out the potions he'd given him. Those too were laid on the bed.
Snape opened the front pocket of his bag and retrieved his pack of cigarettes and his lighter. He set both with the firewhiskey. When it seemed, everything was out of the bag Snape turned it over and shook it. When nothing but lint fell out Snape carefully replaced all of his things in the bag including the cloak and map.
Snape then turned to Harry.
"I've already informed your friends when they were here not to give you anymore alcohol. You already have organ damage and alcohol could cause serious issues. I know it's a normal teen habit to sneak off with your friends and party a little. However, while your body is in the state it is, you can't be drinking." Snape said.
Harry nodded. He understood. It wasn't something he regularly did anyway.
"As for these. I don't think after Friday I need to explain why this would be an unwise idea." Snape said, waving the cigarettes at him.
Harry blushed a little and nodded.
Smoking had been limited to his one cigarette a shift with Jack when he worked at the grocery store. He'd not even considered having one any other time.
"As for the potions from the Weasley twins. You may keep them but on the condition that you inform me when and what you have taken. So that I can keep track of any interactions. I don't suspect you will need any of them. However, given the world we are living in better to be prepared." Snape said, placing the potions in his bag before handing it back to Harry.
Harry nodded and tucked his notes back in his bag. Then shrunk it and put it back in his pocket.
They stood in awkward silence for a long moment.
"Are we good then? Or do you still think I'm on drugs?" Harry asked quietly, looking between Snape and Sirius.
Snape sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Something Harry had come to notice was a sign of frustration.
"I want to believe you, Harry. However, I did find drugs in your room, and you have yet to explain that. I am satisfied that other than some normal teenage rebellion we didn't find anything." Snape said waving his hand at the firewhiskey and cigarettes.
"I'm also pleased that I didn't find any other knives or sharp objects that you might hurt yourself with." Snape said honestly.
Harry blushed and wrapped his arms around his middle.
"Pup, I believe you. I just also know you've been struggling with a lot. I wouldn't blame you for wanting to escape your problems for a while. I did just that while I was stuck at Grimmauld. I basically crawled in a bottle unwilling to face my own problems. I pulled myself away, but I couldn't have done it alone. Moony helped me a lot." Sirius said.
Harry smiled at Sirius. He'd noticed a change in Sirius and was glad he'd sobered up. It had been upsetting to be around a drunk adult again.
"Is there anything you would like to tell us." Snape asked.
Harry shoulder slumped.
He wished they could just believe him. He ran his fingers through his hair.
"If I tell you where I got them can you promise me that no one else will get in trouble?" Harry asked looking at Snape. He was the one who had any control to punish students.
Snape looked to be considering for a moment and then nodded.
Harry went on to explain how he'd run into Justin and what had been happening with the Muggle-borns. Apparently, they were aware and were now having order members keeping eyes on the ones who were still at home. Harry was grateful for that. He'd continued to explain what had happened with Justin and how he'd come to be in Cokeworth.
"His parents just abandoned him in London?" Sirius asked.
Harry nodded.
"I'm glad you were able to get him to a safe place." Snape said with a nod.
Harry agreed. Justin had been in danger, and he wouldn't have just left him there.
With a sigh he looked at both men.
"Do you believe me now. I'm not on drugs. I didn't even mean to have these. I honestly keep forgetting that I even have them. Toss them out or destroy them. I don't care." Harry said.
Snape gave him a critical look and then nodded.
Harry nodded back and then looked to Sirius.
Sirius nodded quickly.
There was a moment of silence before Snape spoke.
"Is there anything we can do for you Harry?" Snape asked.
Harry felt slightly annoyed by the question. Remus had asked it too and he didn't feel like he had any better answer. He just wanted time and space. He felt horribly embarrassed to have had all of his things looked through. He also felt a bit angry at having not been believed.
He then remembered what he'd been thinking yesterday. He had wished to go back. Back before Bill had found him. Back to things not being so stressful. He knew that wasn't possible. However, he wondered if he could reclaim a little of that life. Step away from everyone for a while and have the space and time he needed to process everything. He steeled his nerves and looked Snape in the eye.
"Yeah. I want to leave. I want to go back to the Sundown."