Author note- Well looks like Fanfic is working again. I'd planned on posting last night only to find the site down. Hope you enjoy the new chapter.
Song inspiration- I'll stand by you- Pretenders (George), Sober-Jelly Roll (Sirius)
Chapter 59
Life at Lupin Cottage
Harry stumbled into a sitting room. He looked around in confusion. Someone must have said where they were going but he didn't know. His mind felt fuzzy. After he'd left Dumbledore's office, he just couldn't seem to think of anything, other than how all of this had been his fault. He always knew it had been. This had just been the final confirmation.
He never should have talked to Snape. How pathetic he must seem to a man like that. Whinging about a situation he'd put himself in. Kept himself trapped in.
His stomach rolled and he took a few tentative steps forward as the floo flared behind him. Sirius appeared in front of him, but Harry couldn't look at him. He couldn't imagine how weak he looked now. How worthless he must seem to all of them.
Sirius was saying something and the floo was flaring again. Even though it wasn't a lot of noise it felt overwhelming. He wanted to put his hands over his ears like a child and block it all out. His heart began to pound, and he knew he was slipping into a panic. He closed his eyes and focused on his wall. He poured more magic into it until the panic dissolved and he felt nothing.
Remus was speaking when he opened his eyes, but the words meant nothing. There was a buzzing in his ears that seemed to be muddling everything.
As it began to fade Harry registered a word. Dinner. Sirius had said dinner. His eyes flicked around, and he caught sight of a kitchen. His legs moved automatically in that direction. He needed something to do. Something to focus on. They wanted him to cook, he was sure. He could do that. He had been doing it his whole life.
There was more talking behind him, but it was muttered, and Harry couldn't focus on it. He walked to the refrigerator and opened it, taking in what his options were. He quickly came up with a plan and began setting things on the counter.
His hands shook a little. He needed to wash them. That thought felt like an alarm going off in his head. He walked to the sink and began scrubbing at them. The longer he scrubbed the dirtier he felt. There was never going to be enough water or soap to make him clean. Everything that he was, was filthy.
Through the haze in his mind, he realized he had probably made an ungodly mess of Snapes house. He'd avoided looking at any of them at the castle. Snape was probably disgusted by him.
The mumbling behind him seemed to be getting closer and he swallowed thickly. They are waiting on dinner. With a deep breath he turned off the water and began prepping the meal. It had only taken him a few minutes to become familiar with the layout of the kitchen.
There had been a slightly raised voice behind him, but he just lowered his head and focused on his task. He was sure they were angry with him. He'd learned the best way to avoid angry adults was just to keep his head down and do as they asked.
He lost himself in the motion of cutting the vegetables.
Remus and Sirius sat at the kitchen table watching as Harry cooked.
Despite George's claim that Harry had been talking to him, and the evidence that he had spoken to Albus, he'd not said a single word to the rest of them. He hadn't made eye contact. He barely reacted to what was happening around him.
Sirius had been trying to softly talk to Harry when he'd returned to the cottage. Harry hadn't been responding at all. For a moment Remus had suspected Harry was about to have a panic attack. His breathing had gotten a little heavy and he'd pinched his eyes closed.
Sirius had suggested that they have dinner. Saying that Harry hadn't had anything but potions in days. Harry had just walked away at that point surprising them both.
When they realized, Harry was going to the kitchen, they followed.
Sirius had tried to stop him. Saying that he didn't need to cook, but Remus had stopped Sirius.
He wanted to observe Harry for a while. See what he did and how he did it. He'd pulled Sirius to the table and softly told him that they needed to just let Harry be for a bit.
Sirius had whined but ultimately just nodded. They'd sat there and just watched Harry. Remus had nearly bit a whole in his lip trying to keep himself from saying something when Harry had gone to wash his hands. Harry seemed to be stuck in a loop. They watched as he washed them over and over.
Severus had mentioned Harry's cleaning behavior, but Remus had never really seen it.
Sirius had started to talk quietly when Harry finally turned the water off and began wondering around the kitchen. Sirius had nearly shouted when Harry opened the knife drawer, but Remus had grabbed his arm and shook his head.
If Harry was so desperate that he would hurt himself in front of them, It would just be more information to help them figure out the best way to help Harry.
"If something goes wrong, I will banish the knife. I want to just observe for right now." Remus said in a hushed voice.
Sirius brows pinched together in concern. He sighed and turned back to watch Harry.
Sirius watched as Harry set plates of delicious smelling dinner down in front of them. He looked up from the plate to find Harry standing back at the counter cleaning up.
Sirius turned a worried look at Remus.
"Harry." Remus called softly.
When Harry didn't respond Remus stood and walked over to him.
"Harry, I would like you to sit down at eat with us please." Remus said softly but firmly.
Harry's shoulders slumped a little before he nodded.
Harry joined them at the table. His plate had practically nothing on it. Once again, Sirius looked to Remus who just shook his head.
Sirius sighed and began to eat the Shepherd's pie Harry had made. It was delicious.
When the meal was over Harry sprung back up and began clearing the table. Sirius wasn't sure Harry had actually eaten a single bite. He'd poked at his food and occasionally raised his fork but most of the meager helping was still on his plate when he walked back to the kitchen counter.
"Rem, he didn't eat." Sirius said softly.
Remus nodded.
"I know. It's one of his bigger issues. I'm sure that a lot of his problems will be on display for a while. His potions are going to continue to include a high dose nutrition potion." Remus explained quietly.
"What do we do now?" Sirius asked.
He had to rely on Remus in this situation. He had no idea what to do for Harry. He'd read a lot of books over the past few weeks to try and understand better what Harry was going through, but understanding wasn't enough. He felt terribly on edge, fearing he would make a huge mistake.
"It's getting late. I think when Harry is finished, we should have a quick conversation in the sitting room and then let him go to bed." Remus said.
Sirius bit his lip and nodded.
"Harry, will you join us in the sitting room please." Remus called.
Harry sighed before glancing over his shoulder. His wall had become painful to hold in place as he had cooked. He'd slowly allowed it to come down some. He felt lost. He didn't know where he was or what he was supposed to be doing. He had just gone back to his default. Cook, clean, try not to be noticed.
The look in Remus' face said they wanted to talk. He really didn't want to talk about any of it. He felt exhausted, despite how long he'd been unconscious. He put away the last of the dishes before heading into the sitting room.
Their sitting room was set up similarly to Snapes. Two chairs and a long couch tucked between them. One chair was an armchair that Remus was sitting in. The other though was a frail looking wicker chair that seemed to be where Remus was keeping his books.
Sirius patted the couch next to him and Harry twisted his hands a little. He breathed out deeply and tried to remind himself that despite how he was feeling he was somewhere safe. He was with Remus and Sirius.
He swallowed thickly and made his way to the other side of the couch. He sat hesitantly on the edge and folded his hands before staring at them. He couldn't look at the men who expected him to be more. To honor the memory of James Potter. He wasn't that person and this latest incident had proven that. A man who had laid down his life to save his family would be ashamed to have someone like Harry as a son.
Harry didn't want to see pity or disgust on their faces. He was surprised they'd even brought him here. Hadn't he finally messed up bad enough?
"Harry, I'm sure you're tired so were going to keep this short. I just want to give you some idea of how things are going to look for right now." Remus said.
Harry nodded. He was sure punishment was coming for what he'd done.
Remus cleared his throat before he began.
"We'll show you around the house when were finished. You can see most of it from here though. For the time being you will need to be with in our line of sight." Remus said quietly.
Harry felt his stomach twist a little. He was used to having no privacy but to be constantly watched was a different kind of exposure. He felt like crying. He wouldn't be doing that until he could be alone though. Which sounded like it wouldn't be any time soon.
"The door on your room is to stay open and there will be monitoring spells in use around the house. These are in place to keep you safe." Remus explained.
Harry resolutely kept his head down. He'd really messed up. He wished in that moment that he'd put locking spells on the door. Wished that he'd walked to the park. Wished that Snape hadn't found him. He blinked the tears back.
"Madam Pomfrey will be here once a day to check on you. You and I will be sitting down for an hour each afternoon to talk. And the three of us will have a conversation in here in the evenings." Remus said.
Harry shoulder slumped. He didn't want to do any of that. He just wanted to be left alone.
"We know things will be difficult for a while. We're here if you need anything." Remus said quietly.
"Do you understand?" Sirius asked from beside him.
Harry bit his lip. He understood that they would be watching him all the time and that he wouldn't have any privacy. They hadn't told him rules, or expectations, or even what his punishment was going to be though.
He swallowed. He did not feel prepared to be in a new place. As hurt as he had been about Snape breaking his trust, he wished he was back at Spinner's End. He'd become comfortable there. This place felt too open and unfamiliar.
Snape would never let him return though. He probably would never speak to him again.
Harry nodded. They weren't looking for his input. They just wanted to know if he understood what they had said.
"Is there anything you need tonight?" Remus asked.
Harry shook his head.
He flinched away from the hand that suddenly appeared on his shoulder. He looked at Sirius who had scooted closer on the couch. Sirius hand dropped and a broken look crossed his face. Harry turned away from him. He couldn't keep looking at him. He felt horrible. Sirius looked crushed.
"Come on, we'll show you your room." Remus said and stood from his chair.
Remus lay on his back staring at the ceiling. The darkness of their bedroom felt crushing. Sirius was snoring softly. Remus was fairly sure he'd gone and drank in the shower. Harry flinching away from him had been his final breaking point today.
Harry's room had his trunk and bag, but the cloak and map had been taken and stored away. They'd also removed Harry's gifts for the time being.
He was worried that it might overwhelm Harry. Everything had been put in their bedroom closet.
Harry still hadn't said anything to them, though at least he seemed to be acknowledging them with nods or shakes of the head. With a sigh he climbed out of bed. He couldn't sleep anyway.
He pulled the door to their bedroom open, though it hadn't been fully closed to start with. He peered into the open door of Harry's bedroom. His heart clenched seeing Harry. He wasn't in bed. He was sitting on the floor, with his back against the wall. His head was tipped back and soft even breathing could be heard.
He wished Harry had gone to bed to sleep but he wouldn't disturb him.
With a sigh he made his way down the hall and into the kitchen. He quickly got a glass of water before heading back to bed.
He nearly dropped his glass of water when he realized Harry was awake and staring at him from his place on the floor.
Remus walked to the open door.
"You should get in bed." Remus said quietly.
Harry shook his head and looked down at his lap.
"You're safe here, Harry." Remus murmured before he turned and went back into his room.
Harry sat and stared down the hallway. His mind just kept going in circles. He had been here for three days now. He made meals and cleaned up and then returned to his spot on the floor in this room.
He still didn't know where he was. Their house he supposed. Madam Pomfrey came every morning after breakfast to check him over. Remus would come into his room after lunch and close the door and sit in the desk chair. He would ask unimportant questions about schoolwork or the weather.
Harry never answered. He didn't want to talk. After an hour Remus would leave and sit in the sitting room with Sirius.
Sirius usually checked in before dinner. He always asked, how he was doing? It made Harry want to scream at him. He wasn't doing. He was just nothing. Some sort of empty husk that Voldemort was infesting.
He swallowed thickly and pushed the thought away. He couldn't think about it too long or he'd begin to panic. He no longer had access to his potions. Including his calming draughts.
Remus watched him take his potions after breakfast every morning. The horrid taste didn't even bother him anymore. They tasted like dust, and so did the few bites of food he'd managed.
After dinner, the three of them sat awkwardly in the sitting room until Remus excused him. He knew they expected him to talk. He just couldn't.
He felt disgusting. Not just the ways he normally did, but physically grimy. Remus had spelled the bathroom door not to close all the way when Harry went in there. His bedroom might as well not even have a door. He wasn't comfortable taking his clothing off without being able to close and lock the door. So, he'd not changed or showered since coming here. He'd cast wandless cleaning charms, but his hair was greasy, and he was starting to smell.
He sighed as he picked at his nails.
There was a pointless knock on the open door. He didn't look up. It was midafternoon. It was almost certainly Sirius.
"Can I come in?" George asked from the door.
Harry slowly looked up. He felt tears sting at his eyes at seeing George. He nodded and George made his way into the room. He glanced around before sitting next to Harry.
Harry hesitated for a moment but then leaned his head against George's shoulder. It felt so nice. He closed his eyes and sighed deeply at the familiarity that George offered.
"They're worried about you." George said softly.
Harry bit his lip. He wasn't trying to worry them. He just didn't know what to do. He felt adrift. What was the point of trying to do anything? He had to die.
Harry swallowed thickly thinking about his meeting with Dumbledore. He knew Harry had to die.
"Remus says you've barely eaten or slept since you've been here. Says you've just been sitting here. They're worried you're going to hurt yourself again. Or that you already are by not eating." George continued.
Harry opened his eyes and stared down the hall. He couldn't hear them. They were always close. Sitting on the couch or at the kitchen table.
"You haven't even talked since you left the castle." George said with a slightly choked sound in his voice.
Harry sighed.
"They're talking about taking you back to the hospital wing. Maybe even leaving the country with you and putting you in a hospital." George said.
Harry felt tears prick his eyes. They didn't want him. He knew it but hearing that they planned to send him away hurt.
He needed to be doing more, he realized. No one wanted someone so worthless in there house.
He didn't want to be sent away.
His shoulders shook a little as he tried to suppress the tears. He hadn't cried since he'd been in the hospital wing with George. He couldn't. He wouldn't let himself.
"Shhh. I told them it was a shit idea." George said softly, taking Harry's hand and lacing their fingers together.
"I told them to let me talk to you first. See if I could help you. I want to help you. Can you tell me what you need?" George asked softly.
Harry felt the tears run down his face. He shrugged. He didn't even know what he needed anymore.
George sighed and nodded.
"Okay. Well then, I'm going to tell you what you need." George said firmly, rubbing his thumb along the back of Harry's hand.
Harry nodded. He trusted George. Maybe he knew how to fix this.
"First, I want you to go get a shower and get changed. I know these are the close I pulled out of your trunk three days ago." George said.
Harry shook his head.
"Why not?" George said softly.
Harry's lip trembled a little and he tried not to cry.
"The doors don't close." Harry whispered.
George nodded.
"Do you trust me?" George asked quietly.
Harry sucked in a deep breath and squeezed George's hand a little. He did trust George. Probably more than he had ever trusted anyone else.
"Yes." Harry answered.
"Okay, Sirius and Remus are gone. It's just you and me. I promise I won't come in the bathroom, and I won't let anyone else in either. All right?" George asked.
Harry sighed. He still felt hesitant, but he really needed a shower. Finally, he nodded.
Harry's skin was red by the time he stepped out of the shower. He didn't know how long he had scrubbed and scratched his skin, but he'd used all the hot water. He cringed at the slightly cracked door and tried to remind himself that George was on the other side. That he wouldn't let anyone in.
With a sigh he climbed out and dressed quickly. Pulling his comb from his toiletries bag, he began dragging it through his long hair. He tried to avoid looking in the bathroom mirror, but it happened anyway. He looked horrible. His face was thin and the bags under his eyes were so dark they looked like bruises.
He dug in his bag and realized he didn't have a toothbrush. With a sigh he tried to open the bathroom cabinet only to find he couldn't open it. The kitchen was the same way. He had discovered the morning after he came here, that he couldn't open anything in the kitchen if Sirius or Remus weren't with in eye shot.
He'd tried to start breakfast and found that he couldn't open the cupboard where the pans were nor any other door or drawer. Not even the refrigerator.
His magic had been ineffective against trying to break the spells. He'd tried later that night when he went for a glass of water. It had led to a panic since he also couldn't access food. Remus and Sirius had insisted on him eating with them at every meal and even offered snacks throughout the day. He hadn't eaten most of it. His stomach had just been living in anxious knots. Despite regular access to food, having it locked away reminded him of being at Privet Drive.
He cast a cleaning charm at his mouth and suddenly there was an ear-splitting sound. His heart pounded at the unexpected noise as he looked around.
"Harry?" George called worriedly from outside the door.
Harry walked to the door before pulling it open. George stepped into the bathroom and the noise stopped.
"What happened?" George asked, looking around.
Harry shrugged his shoulder.
"I cast a brushing charm at my teeth and the room started screaming." Harry said worriedly.
He tried to get his breathing under control. If he went into a panic attack, he'd just have to ride it out and he didn't want to do that in front of George.
George's brows furrowed.
"I…er…I think the wards there using are…well kind of like baby proofing spells. I remember them at the Burrow when Ron and Ginny were still little. It probably went off because you used magic in the bathroom. If a baby has an accidental bout of magic in the bathroom they could drown. Or in the kitchen they might burn themselves." George explained, rubbing the back of his neck.
Harry's cheeks flushed bright red at the embarrassment of being treated like a toddler. Then his shoulders slumped, and he nodded. It didn't matter. There wasn't anything he could do about it.
"I suppose that's why everything in the kitchen is locked." Harry mumbled.
George gave him a worried look.
"Is the food locked up?" George asked, stepping out of the bathroom.
Harry blushed a little and nodded. George knew how insecure Harry was about food. Even if he never ate much, he hated not having access to it. It's why Fred and George had shown him how to get into the kitchens at Hogwarts.
George sighed.
"I'll send you some stuff to keep in your trunk, okay? I'm sure they will always let you eat, Harry." George tried to reassure.
Harry bit his lip and nodded.
"Are you hungry?" George asked.
Harry shrugged. He should probably eat something.
George led them into the kitchen and proceeded to take out some food and make Harry a sandwich.
Harry felt a little anger well in his stomach that George could move around freely in the kitchen but tried to swallow it down. He supposed this was probably part of his punishment. The Dursley's always withheld food and other privileges when he was in trouble.
George set a plate with a sandwich and some crisps down in front of him. Harry sighed. His stomach hurt. The stress he'd felt since waking up was destroying his appetite.
"Just try and have a few bites." George coaxed gently.
With a sigh he picked up the sandwich and took a bite.
George began to talk about things happening at the shop. New products they were working on and strange customers that had come in. He kept the topics light and Harry focused on what he was saying as he forced himself to eat the food on his plate.
When he had eaten half the sandwich and most of the crisps, he pushed the plate away and looked down at his hands.
He was ashamed that he'd let it get to this point. He couldn't finish the food on his plate if he wanted to. His appetite this summer had peaked when he'd gone back to the Sundown. Then he'd been sick, then stressed about Malfoy, and then just everything else. He hadn't been eating well for weeks and his stomach just couldn't handle it.
"All done?" George asked without judgement.
Harry nodded but refused to look up.
"Would you like to go for a walk?" George asked.
Harry considered. It might be nice to get out of this house. He didn't even know what was around the house other than what he had vaguely glimpsed from the windows.
He nodded and George proceeded to clear away Harry's plate. Harry followed George out the front door.
They walked in comfortable silence side by side. Harry took in the sights and sounds around him. The small house was surrounded by a large clearing that ended with a dense forest. There were berry bushes and wildflowers tucked in amongst the tree line.
The sun on his face felt warm and the gentle breeze ruffled his long hair.
After nearly half an hour of walking, George led them to a tree and sat underneath it. Harry sat next to him.
"I want to help you, Harry. I know this summer has been difficult, but please let me help you." George said softly.
Harry felt tears prick at his eyes. George knew a lot about this summer, but no one knew all of it. He blew out a shaky breath and tried to keep himself calm.
"I don't even know what I need." Harry whispered.
He truly didn't. He felt like he was just waiting for the ball to drop. Waiting for Sirius and Remus to throw him out for what he'd done, or for how he was handling it. He was waiting for Dumbledore to swoop in and somehow make everything worse. He was waiting for the next vision to show someone else he cared about in danger.
George nodded next to him and looked out across the clearing.
"I'm sorry. We never should have told." George said softly.
Harry's face pinched and a swell of sadness washed over him.
"I don't blame you guys. I understand." Harry said quietly.
"I didn't think they'd let you down this bad. I…I told you to trust them." George said, his voice cracking a little.
"They're not at fault, George. This is my fault." Harry said as a tear ran down his cheek.
"Dumbledore didn't know. He said he would have taken me away. It's my fault my life has been this way. I deserved it. Doesn't matter anymore. None of it matters now." Harry choked out.
He felt hopeless. None of the things he had suffered through had meant anything. It didn't matter that he had fought so hard to keep going. The moment he'd read that word it was over. The moment he realized he had to die, all of the will to keep going had vanished.
"No Harry. You never deserved any of it." George said firmly.
Harry's shoulders began to shake as the tears came faster.
"They're mad at me. They haven't told me what my punishment is. It's going to be bad though. I know I really messed up." Harry cried.
"Can I hold you?" George asked softly.
A sob broke past his lips. All the conflicting feelings felt like a storm in his heart. He wanted that more than anything right now. He just didn't want to feel alone. He nodded and fell into George's arms.
George rubbed his back gently and murmured quietly to him.
"I promise they aren't going to punish you. You're not in trouble." George whispered into the top of his head.
Harry shook his head and cried harder.
George didn't understand how badly he had messed up.
Harry tried to focus on the warmth and comfort of George's arms wrapped around him. He closed his eyes and listened to George's heartbeat as he cried.
Severus sat in the library at Hogwarts. Remus had called earlier to see if they could meet. Severus had quickly agreed. He hadn't heard anything from them since Harry had left the school. He had been worried about Harry and it was affecting him more than he wanted to admit.
He looked up when he heard the doors open. He nodded to Remus when he caught the man's eye.
"Severus." Remus said with a nod as he took a seat.
"Remus, Sirius." Severus said.
They both looked worse than they had when Harry had been in the hospital wing. Their hair and clothing looked disheveled, like they'd both just fallen into whatever they'd picked up off the floor.
Sirius had dark circles under his eyes, and Remus looked like he hadn't shaven in days.
They sat in tense silence for a moment before Severus broke it.
"How's he doing?" Severus asked.
Pain flashed in Remus' eyes, and he shook his head.
"Not well." Remus said brokenly.
Severus swallowed around a growing lump in his throat.
"We still haven't heard him say a word. I don't think he's even sat on his bed, let alone slept in it. He sits on the floor of his room and just stares. He barely acknowledges us when we speak to him. Poppy's run more scans. She can't see anything. I think it's all emotional, but I don't know how to reach him." Remus said, his voice thick with suppressed emotions.
Severus closed his eyes and shook his head.
"Is he eating?" Severus asked, knowing the boy's appetite vanished when he was struggling.
Remus shook his head.
Severus sighed.
"Where is he now?" Severus asked, slightly worried that they'd both come.
"Home. George came to see him." Sirius said quietly.
Severus nodded. That was probably for the best.
"I called them once. Harry shut down and I knew I couldn't help him. They came and I think it helped more then I realized at the time. I think they might be the only people Harry truly trusts." Severus said softly.
They nodded.
"It's obvious that they're the only ones who ever took care of him. I'm hoping Harry will speak to George. I'm not even sure what Harry needs or wants. We've been trying to engage him but…" Remus shook his head.
Severus understood. Harry had shut down and locked himself away in his mind. It was not a good place for him to be.
"Have you given him any of the calming or sleeping draughts I brewed?" Severus asked.
"No." Remus said shaking his head.
"Harry will not ask for them. You'll need to learn the signs for when they will be necessary." Severus said softly.
Remus' brow creased and he nodded.
"Is there anything you can think of that might help?" Sirius asked.
Severus studied the man. He looked as grey as he had in Grimmauld. He wondered if he'd fallen back into the bottle.
Severus had certainly been drinking more than he normally did. He promised himself he would not buy anymore. He didn't want to drink himself into a stupor. Aside from wanting to resemble his father as little as possible, he also had Draco to watch over. The boy was facing his own struggles.
"I know it's hard, but sober up. Harry needs you." Severus said earnestly, meeting Sirius eye.
Sirius jaw clenched and Severus could see the guilt in his eyes. He looked down and nodded.
"Yeah. I know." Sirius whispered roughly.
Severus sighed and thought if there was anything else that he'd learned that might help.
"If you're ready for him, you might bring Edgar. If that's seems too much right now, I'm happy to keep him. However, I know he helps Harry feel calmer." Severus said in thought.
The kitten had become very attached to him and Draco. However, at least once a day the cat would start yowling and wander all over the house. Severus suspected that he was looking for Harry.
Remus nodded.
"We've been feeding Hedwig. I'm not sure Harry's even realized she's in the house." Remus said.
Severus sighed.
"You should talk to George before he leaves. If Harry talks to him, he may relay some of his needs through George." Severus said in thought.
They nodded.
"Do you wish to see him?" Remus asked.
Severus was surprised by the question. He did want to see Harry. Almost desperately. He had no claim to the boy though. He'd only been a temporary guardian, and beyond that he'd clearly really messed up.
He longed to apologize to Harry. Tell him how sorry he was that he wasn't there for him. That he was sorry for betraying his trust.
Severus knew that it was selfish though. It was what he needed, not necessarily what Harry needed.
"No. If Harry wishes to see me, I will make myself available." Severus said flatly as he pulled up his shields.
Remus sighed and nodded.
"We should go. We've got a meeting with Albus." Remus said quietly.
"Have you spoken with him since our meeting?" Severus inquired.
Remus shook his head.
Severus sighed. He was sure that would be a messy interaction.
"Poppy is concerned about Harry's behavior. She's suggesting that we bring him back to the Hospital wing, or leave the country and have him committed for a while. She thinks we may be in over our heads. We need to let Albus know that Harry might not be returning in September. I'm not sure he'll be ready for that. I'm not sure we'll be ready to let him go." Remus sighed.
Severus considered for a moment.
"I'm not sure if Minerva mentioned to you but she and I have been talking about Albus search for a defense professor. She wanted to recommend you both co-teach the post. Perhaps we can work around the curse if it's not a single teacher. Albus has also been searching for a mind heeler. The students are going to need someone." Severus said thoughtfully.
There was a range of emotions that flashed across both of their faces.
"It would allow Harry to return and still have your presence. Just…consider it." Severus said with a sigh.
They sat quietly for a while. Severus had been hesitant about the idea when Minerva had first presented it. However now, he thought it might be for the best.
Sirius and Remus stood from their seats. Severus stood and pulled a small jar from his pocket. He considered it for a minute before holding it out to Remus.
"It's calming tea. Harry enjoys it sometimes." Severus said softly.
Remus gave Severus a sad smile and accepted the jar before tucking it away in his pocket.
Severus watched as they made their way out of the library.
He needed to go check on Draco. The boy was once again with Minerva. Though today it was in the practice room. He'd asked to work on dueling today and Severus had agreed. They both needed a distraction.
George was laying in the soft grass at the edge of the woods surrounding Lupin cottage. Harry was tucked tight into his side and sleeping soundly with his head pillowed on his chest.
Harry was a mess, and Sirius and Remus were making it worse. In their terrified attempt to keep Harry safe they were feeding into all of his insecurities and fears. He wished he could just take Harry with him. He knew he couldn't take care of him though. He'd be here every day though if he needed to.
The sun was getting low in the sky. He was sure that they'd be back soon, and he was sure Harry wouldn't want to be found sleeping on him. He felt anger roll low in his belly as he remembered Sirius' accusations. With a deep breath he focused on helping Harry and not his own problems.
George began to gently rub Harry's back.
"Harry." George called softly.
Harry hummed and burrowed tighter into his side. George knew he was exhausted. He wished he could just let him sleep.
"Harry. You need to wake up." George murmured.
Harry's body became stiff in his arms and George knew he was awake.
"Shh. It's okay. You're okay. It's just me. You're safe." George whispered.
Harry relaxed marginally and George smiled sadly.
Harry pulled himself away from George and sat up. George saw the slight flush on Harry's face.
"You okay?" George asked as he also sat up.
Harry nodded and glanced over his shoulder at George.
"Do you know where we are?" Harry asked softly.
George's brows creased.
"What do you mean?" George asked.
"They never told me. I assume one of them said the address when we floo'd here but…" Harry shrugged.
George felt his anger stirring again. He didn't know that Harry hadn't even been aware of where they had taken him. For that matter hadn't they said something about thinking Harry might show up here when he'd taken off last time?
He grit his teeth a little.
"This is Lupin cottage." George said quietly.
Harry looked back at the house and nodded.
"Okay." Harry mumbled.
"I'm here if you want to talk Harry. About anything." George said softly.
Harry nodded but didn't look back or say anything.
"Are you still tired?" George asked quietly.
He knew Harry was.
Harry just shrugged. George sighed as he watched Harry. Things needed to change soon. He'd never seen Harry this bad. He wished Harry would tell him something. What had happened that last day. What had finally pushed him to this point. What they could do to help him.
George wouldn't ask. He was sure everyone else would be on him for answers soon enough, if they weren't already.
"Why don't we head back to the house. Will get you settled for the night." George asked quietly.
Harry shrugged again.
George stood and held out his hand to Harry.
When they were face to face again George could see all the pain swimming in Harry's eyes. He gave Harry's hand a gentle squeeze and pulled him towards the house. To his surprise Harry didn't let go of his hand as they walked back.
George sighed as he sat on the side of Harry's bed. He'd guarded the door for Harry to change. He'd been unsurprised to hear the water run and had allowed Harry to shower again.
He knew from Harry's trips to the Burrow that if he could get away with more than one shower or a long one he would. He'd convinced Harry to eat some fruit and bread and then he'd tucked him in.
Harry had seemed hesitant to get in the bed. George knew Harry had a thing about using the furniture. He had never understood it, but assumed it had something to do with his life with his relatives. However, he'd promised Harry that they wouldn't have given him a room if they expected him to sleep on the floor.
He'd asked if Harry would be more comfortable in his Animagus form, but Harry had gotten a sick look on his face and George had dropped it.
Harry had seemed tense, so George had sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed his back while he told him an embarrassing story from when Ron was a toddler.
George looked up when he heard the floo. Harry moaned softly in his sleep and George rubbed his back a little more.
"Harry, George?" Remus called softly.
Harry whined and George brushed his hair off his face. He hoped that they would just let him sleep.
Remus appeared in the door and gave him a tight smile.
George sighed as he pet Harry's hair once more and stood. He followed Remus back into the sitting room where Sirius was.
George could see all the questions that they weren't sure how to ask. He knew why they'd let him see Harry. He wasn't doing well, and they'd hoped he would be able to help.
He ran his hand through his hair and made his way to the couch before he sat heavily.
"We should talk." George said looking at them both.
He couldn't say that he wasn't still angry with them. But they were Harry's guardians, and if he wanted Harry to get better, he would need to tell them what he could.
Sirius lay in bed thinking about the day. When they'd finished their meeting with Severus they'd gone to talk with Minerva. She'd agreed with what they had heard from Severus. She wanted them to come to work at Hogwarts.
She'd thought Remus could be a great asset as a mind healer at the school. Especially to help them screen for other children that might be struggling like Harry. She'd suggested that if Sirius came back to the school that she would recommend him for head of Gryffindor as she was looking to step down from the position.
Sirius felt a strange mix of pride that Minerva thought so highly of him and trepidation at taking on such a big responsibility.
They'd agreed to consider it. It would be nice to go back to Hogwarts with Harry. Especially with everything that had happened. Right now, they weren't even sure if Harry was going back though.
Their meeting with Albus had been quiet. He'd given them the keys to Harry's vaults and apologized to them again.
It had been a relief to find Harry in his bed and asleep when they'd returned.
George had talked to them. He'd been calm but it was obvious that he was angry and disappointed in them.
Sirius couldn't fault him. He'd been glad to hear that Harry had spoken to George. They'd really become concerned.
Sirius could have smacked himself in the head when George had told them that Harry didn't even know where he was. He'd thought they'd told him. Apparently, it had been another thing that had slipped by.
To their relief George had told them that Harry had eaten and showered. Sirius had sent Remus a concerned look when George had mentioned that Harry had showered twice. George had shut them down quickly though. Telling them that it was something that calmed Harry.
He'd been understanding of the precautions they had put in place, but told them that Harry had a lot of insecurities when it came to food. That they needed to rethink having the food locked up.
Remus had suggested leaving out things that Harry could just have access to. George had countered that it would likely not be eaten but hidden in his trunk.
Sirius felt sick knowing that. They'd agreed to discuss it and try and come up with a better solution.
Remus had been unwilling to take the locks off the bathroom that prevented the door from being closed and locked when Harry was in there.
George had gotten a tense look on his face and informed them he'd be returning every morning to stand guard so that Harry could change and shower.
Remus had argued that they wouldn't invade Harry's privacy unless the wards went off. George had flatly told them that it didn't matter if they were going to go in or not. The only thing that mattered was whether Harry believed that they might.
Remus had been rather upset when George had left and had disappeared onto the porch for quite a while before he'd gone to bed.
Sirius didn't know what the right thing to do was. He had to rely on Remus and Poppy to know what was best for Harry.
Sirius groaned as he rolled over. George said Harry believed he was awaiting punishment. That he felt he'd messed up. He'd tried to reassure Harry, but he didn't seem to believe George.
George suggested being clearer with Harry about what they expected from him. Harry had seemed lost to him.
Sirius couldn't agree more. Harry did seem lost.
With a frustrated sigh he climbed out of bed. His head was too full. There wasn't any way that he could go to sleep.
He quietly padded down the hall into the kitchen and stared at the liquor cabinet. Severus had seen right through him. He grit his teeth and looked away. He didn't need it. He didn't want to be that person. He wanted to be better. Be better for them.
He sighed deeply. The anger burned in his chest. It was a self-pitying thought, but he hated how his life never seemed to work out. Every time things got better something utterly devastating happened.
With a huff he waved his wand and pulled the ward around the liquor cabinet down. The self-loathing burned as he pulled a bottle out of the cabinet and reset the ward.
He needed to wash this feeling away. He knew the alcohol would do that.
Sitting heavily on the couch, he spun the lid off the bottle and brought it to his lips. The whiskey burned down his throat and warmed his stomach. He hated himself so much. Harry deserved better. Remus did too.
"I'm sorry Jamie. I don't know what I'm doing." Sirius whispered thickly, as he brought the bottle to his lips again.