A/N: Thanks to TwoPence for betareading and helping me cleanup this chapter. I'm not pleased with this chapter, but I'm not sure how to fix it. I figure it's better to just release it, rather than take a long hiatus to try and figure out how to maybe make it better.
ooOoo
What the hell had he been doing with his life?
About an hour ago he'd been excited about facing off with Brockton Bay's newest cape. Ole Clockblock was gonna show Aegis that it was okay to loosen up, okay to have a little fun, because when push came to shove the Wards didn't really matter. They were just kids, it wasn't like the PRT was ever gonna let 'em fight anyone dangerous.
And then Everywhere had Everywhere'd all over him. It fucking sucked. A lot.
Kid Win was quiet, that's how Dennis knew it was bad. Normally he and Chris would be ripping on each other for every little thing, but Kid Win wouldn't even look at him. The news reporters were swooping in for details about the bank heist, and typically they'd be all over Clockblocker for a sound bite. He had a reputation for being the Ward with the loosest tongue, but the way they were avoiding him today would have been funny if he didn't just lead his team into a massacre. Not that he'd know what to say if they put a camera in his face. My bad? Yeah, that wouldn't cut it.
The PRT had spent decades building up the trust of the public. Armsmaster and all the other heroes risked their lives against capes like Lung, quelled the advance of the Empire, and kept Brockton Bay safe. In one damn afternoon Clockblocker had turned the entire organization into a joke. A real shitty one. Nobody was laughing. Well, nobody but Everywhere, she'd seemed to find a lot of humor in his failure come to think of it, she'd started giggling halfway through the battle and hadn't stopped. Now he realized why. He'd made it fucking easy for her, he'd turned the Wards into a joke.
He'd lined his team up for her like goons in a shitty shooter cabinet. Should've had Aegis or Browbeat or Shadow Stalker up front. Should've had somebody to scout out her powers. Should've been quicker to retreat. Should've come in quiet, not shouted his presence like a moron. Probably a thousand more should'ves. Instead he'd been thinking of puns, double entendres, having fun, and treated a battle with a bigger badder Lung like a game. Armsmaster had warned him about his attitude, but of course Clock had known better. Kid Win and Gallant nearly dead in an instant, Aegis and Vista heavily wounded, and Clockblocker and Browbeat left at a villain's mercy.
He had to change. Could he? Would it be enough?
Dennis was a failure and everyone knew it.
He'd… In one fucking day he'd thrown away any confidence the public had in their heroes. He… It wasn't all on him though!
Fuck Everywhere! Powers like that, and she chose to be a fucking villain? Fucking why? Fucking, fuck! Why the fuck did everyone have to be so- they had fucking superpowers, it should've been fucking awesome! Instead she used them to hurt people, to rob banks. Sure he'd been irresponsible, but it wasn't his fault she'd decided to use her powers to be a total dildo.
And Armsmaster- what had he been thinking? Why'd he put Clockblocker in front of a monster like Everywhere? She'd gone for the throat from the jump, escalating straight to lethal force like she'd been itching for it. She wasn't a beginner cape for the Wards to get some experience fighting, a mistake against her would be the last you'd ever make. She could and would kill you in a blink, how did Armsmaster expect the wards to fight her?
Looking back, even if he'd done everything right, it's not like they could've won! She went through them like a fucking buzzsaw! He'd been the damn fall guy! He'd been set up to fail. But no, precious Aegis and his perfect fucking attitude couldn't be set opposite a sure loss. He had to be protected. So give it to Clockblocker, let him take the blame! He deserves it; he doesn't even try! It was all fucking politics. If he had his nose up ole Armsie's ass then-
Kid Win put a hand on his shoulder. "We made it through. None of us died. We'll figure this out. Figure out a way to fight her, maybe."
Dennis felt his anger rise.
"Just like you've figured out how to finish a project?" Asked Clockblocker sarcastically. "Add two and two? You think a better plan is gonna allow us to take her? That's cause you lost so fucking fast you don't know what it's like to face her! We're never gonna fucking beat her. Sometimes things don't get better. Sometimes you're just a fucking failure."
He regretted his words as soon as they'd left his mouth. What the hell was wrong with him? Just start insulting the best friend he had on the Wards? Was this the kind of person he was?
"Fuck," said Dennis. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I… You almost died Chris, and it would've been my fault. I get what you're trying to do, but… I need some time to figure it all out."
Chris just nodded and turned back to inspect the big yellow pile of containment foam.
Dennis had to get himself under control, make sure he didn't do something he'd regret. He wasn't totally blind to what was happening. He'd fucked up like he'd never fucked up before, and he was trying to put the blame on anyone but himself. Trying to avoid a simple fact, a question burrowing into his brain.
Should I quit?
He didn't know whether he was capable of being a hero.
Was he just being lazy? Or would it have been a disaster no matter what? Why had he been lazy, why had he never taken things seriously? Was it really his personality, or did it mean something deeper? Did he even want to be a hero? It was mostly something he'd fallen into, a way to help pay Dad's medical bill. But when confronted with a nightmare like Everywhere, did he really want to be the one running towards her? It would be insane to do that for a paycheck.
Maybe he should hang up his clock once and for all. Sure it'd be a shitty way to go, but he'd get to spend more time with his dad before the end. That seemed more meaningful than pretending he had what it took to be a hero.
The Brockton Bay Protectorate finally arrived at the bank. Armsmaster stuck the safe end of his halberd into the containment foam, the effect was immediate, like sebum oil on beer head. The foam hissed, its bubbles crackling quickly, popping back into liquid. Aegis was the first to be freed, and helped pull Panacea out as well.
"Get your hands off me," said Panacea. She was pale, trembling. Dennis wasn't sure if it was from Everywhere blasting a hole in her foot, or whatever it was that Tattletale had used to blackmail her into healing Dean and Chris. Either way, Panacea's pain was on him.
Aegis let her go. Half his stomach had been blown off by one of Everywhere's geysers. He looked like he lost a fight with a cannon–ribs exposed, intestines dangling, but he couldn't feel pain and seemed to be doing fine, if you had a really loose definition of the word fine and maybe didn't understand English real good. Fuck, no more jokes. Just tell him you're sorry Clock. If you're really gonna quit, at least do it the right way.
"Carlos," said Dennis. "This is my fau-"
"Panacea," said Armsmaster. "Heal Aegis, and he'll take you to the hospital where you can get your foot treated."
"No," said Panacea, shaking. She tried to run, but collapsed as soon as she put pressure on her injured foot. "No. Leave me the fuck alone! I can't do this anymore! I broke my fucking rules! I don't do brains! I don't fucking do brains!"
"I'm sorry," said Dennis, reaching down to help her up. "If you want to blame anyone, blame me. It was my fault. If I hadn't put the team in a vulnerable position, you'd have never needed to heal them in the first place."
"Sorry doesn't help me," said Panacea, slapping away his hand. "Just let me leave. It's best for everyone. Trust me."
She wouldn't even accept his apology. Fair. What good would his apology do her? The damage was already done. He couldn't go back in time, undo his fuck up.
"I cannot allow that," said Armsmaster. "Besides the Triumvirate, you are worth more than any other cape in the instance of an Endbringer attack. You are irreplaceable."
"He's right," said Glory Girl, freshly freed from the containment foam. "And now that Tattletale's gotten you over your mental block, you can be so much more. You can heal Dad!"
"Right," said Panacea dully. "I'll heal your father. As thanks. Then you have to let me leave."
"No." Glory Girl floated to Panacea. "I'm going to drop you off at the hospital, I'm gonna catch Everywhere, tear her apart for what she did to you, and then we're gonna sit down and figure this all out. Whatever Tats was threatening you with, I don't care. Frankly, I'm glad she did it, because it allowed you to get over your silly block with brains. I love you more than ever Ames."
"Don't," Panacea said, taking a step back. "Don't come any closer."
"Victoria," said Dean, yellow suds dripping off his armor. "Give her space."
"We're sisters," said Glory Girl, floating closer. "Whatever Tats figured out about you, it doesn't matter. I love you sis. We're family. Nothing changes that."
"Mom and Dad don't love me," said Panacea, staring at her wounded foot. It wasn't bleeding anymore at least. "I'm not even related to any of you."
"Mom and Dad love you Ames," said Glory Girl, hovering closer, within arm's reach of Panacea. "Tats was just trying to hurt you. It wasn't true."
"My real father was a villain," said Panacea, still looking at her feet. "Whatever makes someone bad, I've got it in me, and that bitch saw right through me. Saw what I really am."
"You've healed so many people," said Glory Girl, her face inches from Panacea. "If only you could see yourself the way I see you. You're the best person I know. And as long as we're together, I'll never let you forget it. You're a good person Amy. You are a hero."
Panacea finally met Glory Girl's warm gaze.
"Freeze her!" Shouted Dean. "Don't let them touch!"
Dennis moved, but it was far too late. It always was.
"I love you sis," said Glory Girl, wrapping Panacea in a hug.
Panacea blushed, moaned softly, and melted into the embrace.
Glory Girl pulled away. Dennis shuddered. Her aura radiated anger, fear… something else… lust? "What the fuck did you do to me?"
"Please let me undo it," Amy pleaded, trying to reach out and grab her.
But Victoria hovered away from her, well out of reach. "What did you do? Tell me!"
"I… It's… It's not my fault," said Amy. "It's not my fault! If she hadn't pushed me… Forced me to break my rules… I knew this would happen! I'm weak, I've wanted it for so long, I knew I couldn't be trusted! That if I broke my rules, I'd do something impulsive and stupid. Without you, I'm just another villain!"
Victoria glared. "Is that why you refused to heal Gallant? Because of… Whatever the fuck this is?"
"No," said Amy desperately. "I wanted you to be happy. I just knew… I'm not a good person, sis, you and Mom just forced me to be. Come back. I'll undo it. Then leave. You'll never see me again."
"Why the fuck would I ever let you touch me again?" Asked Victoria loudly, her voice tinged with hysteria. "Who knows what the fuck you would do to me?"
"Please," Amy begged.
"I can find someone else to fix it," Victoria spat. "Or maybe, at the very least, I can show some fucking self-control and realize it's my sister I'm having those feelings about."
What? Feelings? Ohhhh….
Oh.
Oh fuck.
Oh fuck, this was actually happening wasn't it? His historic fuck up might not have just destroyed the PRT's reputation, it might have just broken up New Wave. Y'know it was fucking amazing. The Empire had spent a decade trying to take 'em out, but ole Clockblock had done it in an afternoon through sheer incompetence. Fucking perfect.
"You can't," said Amy, crumpling. "You don't understand what I did. Please. If you never ever give me anything else, if you never talk to me or look at me again, just let me fix this."
Victoria looked down at her sister with pure contempt. "Good job, Amy. You just did an excellent job of taking every instance of me defending you, every instance of my giving you the benefit of a doubt, and proved me fucking wrong. You were afraid of becoming a villain? Of becoming Bonesaw? Congratulations, you're not. You get to be the next goddam Heartbreaker."
Victoria flew off.
Amy sank to her knees, and shuddered.
He had to fix this. But of course he didn't know how.
Gallant walked to her. "It's not over. You can recover from this. She's just angry. She doesn't understand how many times you've wanted to do it, and didn't. How hard you've been fighting all this time. You were emotionally compromised, and you still tried to keep her away. I'll find Vicky, talk to her. I don't think you're perfect, I don't think you're a good person, but one bad deed doesn't make you a villain, it doesn't undo the years of effort you've spent trying to do the right thing."
Amy shook her head. "There's no going back. I'm… I'm worse than Everywhere, worse than Heartbreaker… I…"
Clockblocker snorted. "Nah. Your sister is Victoria Dallon. Victoria Dallon! Who the hell wouldn't be a little confused in your position? She was the first crush of half the boys in Brockton Bay, and a fair number of the girls too."
"It's not a fucking joke," said Amy harshly. "What I did is unforgivable."
"Clockblocker," said Gallant warningly. But he didn't tell Dennis to stop. Because Dean knew that Clock was surprisingly good at understanding other perspectives.
"Don't 'Clockblock' me, Gallant," said Clockblocker lightly, so Dean knew he wasn't serious. "Don't feel bad about hating him, Amy. C'mon I hate him too. Just doesn't seem fair, y'know, that Victoria would choose him. Worst thing is, he's a great person, doesn't that just make it worse? Can't even hate him without feeling like a piece of shit. Not endorsing what you did, just saying I understand."
"It wasn't who you are," said Aegis, floating next to her, glancing at Clockblocker briefly. "The real mistake would be letting one bad decision define you, rather than a lifetime of good deeds. You've done a lot of good work, don't forget all the people you've helped already."
Aegis was right. About Amy. About him too.
"You failed Amy," said Kid Win. "You fucked up with Victoria. Guess what, Clockblocker would've gotten me killed if it weren't for you. It happens. My fuck ups have nearly gotten him killed a dozen times, but he always had my back. Made me feel like I was worth something, even though I've never won a fight. That meant everything to me. How many times have you bailed out Victoria? The only way that kind've bond disappears is if you let it."
Dennis sniffed.
"If you can't go back home," said Vista. "You're welcome here. It might do you some good, getting away from your family. Whatever you did to Victoria, Gallant and Kid Win wouldn't be here without you. You saved their lives Amy. Thank you."
"And mine," said Gallant, stepping up to Amy, holding out a hand. "Despite hating me, despite wanting me gone, you saved me. Because that's the kind of person you are. A hero. Join us. Become a Ward. I can monitor your emotions, keep you from spiraling. I can keep you from going bad. You'll be happy here, accepted."
"It matters Amy," said Clockblocker softly, looking at each of his teammates in turn. "Having people who accept you at your worst. When they don't need you, when they've got every reason to abandon you. Maybe that's when you need them the most. Maybe that's what keeps you going. These guys, what they're offering- it's what makes life beautiful. Take it."
He was a hero.
He would never quit. Not on them.
Today should have been one of the worst days of his life. It was already one of the best. On the day of his greatest failure, his friends stood by him. Any doubts he had about his place in the world were gone, there was no place he'd rather be than with the Brockton Bay Wards. He'd use his failure to become better, to become the best hero he could be.
"Thank you. Really. You're all good people." Amy's smile was brittle. "Even you Dean. I'm happy my sister is with you. She can be happy with you. But none of you understand. There's no keeping me from going bad. I am bad. It's in my blood. It's what I am."
"What does that even mean?" Clockblocker asked, feeling a stressed smile form on his lips. "Nobody is born good or bad. That's a result of our actions. And you've literally saved more lives than anyone here."
Amy chuckled bitterly. "You just don't get it. You wouldn't. You're a good person." She rose, and limped away. She wasn't actually leaving right? She couldn't be. She was Panacea. She was Panacea. She couldn't fall. Not from one bad day.
He nodded after her.
"Go," said Armsmaster. "If she is in danger, freeze her, call for backup. Keep her safe, Clockblocker. At any cost."
"Sir," said Clockblocker, and off he went.
He followed Panacea in silence for about half an hour. Not saying anything. Not trying to convince her of anything. He wasn't Tattletale. He wasn't Gallant. Hell, he wasn't even Aegis. He was the comic-relief, he didn't know what to say to make things better. He wished there was something to break the ice. Anything. He didn't care what.
A flash of blinding light, and he was thrown off his feet by a wave of pressure. Thunder roared in his ears, so loud he could feel its vibrations with his whole body. Instincts kicked in, and Amy let out a startled yell as Clockblocker yanked her down by the collar and scrambled for cover, but after a minute he realized they weren't under attack. What the hell had that been? An answer came from the sky. Four rising billows of dark smoke rose from opposite directions. Three were nearby. One was coming from the middle of the bay. Which meant…
There was only one thing in the middle of the bay. Nothing to worry about. The PRT headquarters had a forcefield bubble around it. No conventional weaponry could get through. Things were okay. They could go back to being okay. But just…
There were four clouds of smoke. And if somebody wanted to go after heroes, there were other spots that were vulnerable. That could be attacked. As he watched, the smoke started to coalesce into unnatural shapes.
Easy, easy, Clock. Things would turn out fine.
'A'
'B'
'B'
'TV'
Amy accepted his help to the nearest television.
"Hello world," said a cape, with a noticeable Boston accent. She had asian features, but with pale blue eyes. He really didn't like that she hadn't bothered with a mask. "I am Bakuda, leader of the ABB. You're probably wondering about the clouds in the sky. A demonstration. A reminder. A message. The Protectorate Headquarters. The homes of Sarah Pelham and Carroll Dallon. Arcadia High School. All gone. Vanished completely by my hand. Your Protectorate, your New Wave, your Wards- how can they protect you when they can't even protect themselves?"
Bakuda was a cape. A bomb tinker determined by PRT intelligence. She could get through… She could get through the forcefield protecting the Rig. And Arcadia had always been vulnerable. The unwritten rules had kept it safe, had kept villains from considering it a target. Why had he thought that again? The school had always been in danger, and assuming that nobody would stoop to massacring a school to get at the Wards had been naive stupidity. Obviously.
Shit.
Who had lived? Who had died?
How the hell was he supposed to focus on anything until he knew?
He let out a steadying breath. Okay. He was a hero. That meant doing hard things. That meant doing the job. He'd had practice, he'd dealt with the situation with Dad. Not well, but he was actually more prepared than his teammates for handling this. Keep your head Clock. You've got a mission. See it done.
"They're morons. Preening idiots whose best trait was knowing their place. You were retards to think they ever protected you," said Bakuda, sneering. "My true enemy is not your heroes who have ignored us for the better part of a decade, nor even the Nazis of the Empire who wish to exterminate us. It's Everywhere and her pet Undersiders. She killed my Lung. She killed my Oni Lee. She cuts open the heads of my most vulnerable henchmen- the elderly and the children, and marks their brains with her teleportation stamps so she can kill them whenever she desires. Despicable. Inhuman. Effective. If nothing is done, she will gain total dominance over my people, the asian refugees. But of course you don't care, do you? None of you do. You never saw us as people, never sought to help us fight back against the Nazis, and then called us animals for doing what was required to survive. But we are a practical people. We never took it personally. We understood. You did not ask for us. We are not welcome. This is not our land. But… We will not allow ourselves to be exterminated like vermin.
"From now on, you will treat us as equals," said Bakuda. "I'm throwing a party tonight, to celebrate our newfound status. Everywhere, Tattletale, Bitch, Grue, and Regent, you're to be my guests of honor. Kaiser and Armsmaster, your attendance is mandatory. Bring that smug cunt Rune as well, while you're at it. She requires a lesson in respect. As for the rest of the Empire and Protectorate, you're invited as well, but if you choose instead to hide under your bed, I understand."
Clock wasn't running.
"However, should one of my guests of honor fail to show, I'll be very displeased," said Bakuda sweetly. "By which, of course, I mean I'll detonate a bomb. A bomb with ten times the yield of the Tsar Bomba. I'm a fucking bomb tinker, and I'll blow this shitty ass backwater off the fucking map. Remember I had you at my fucking mercy, I took your fucking ear, I know your fucking powers, I've seen you fucking bleed. You wanna kill me? You wanna take over my fucking gang, even though you're not even asian? Fine. Maybe you can. But I'm a sore fucking loser. Meet me at eight at Downey Elementary, or I'm knocking the board over and wiping us all out."
Well… Kill order or not.
Bakuda had to die.
ooOoo
"How's she doing?" Bitch asked anxiously. She'd been waiting for us by the door of the Undersider HQ. "Saw it on the news. Fucked up. Shouldn'ta left without her."
Of all the Undersiders, Bitch had always been the gruffest, the meanest, but it appeared that she cared for her teammates more than she let on. Honor among thie- Bitch shoved Tattletale off Angelica roughly. Or not. Bitch inspected Angelica's bullet wounds carefully, and didn't spare either of her wounded teammates a second glance.
Unfortunately a paramedic caught Tattletale before she fell on the cement and disemboweled herself with the knife still buried in her stomach. Another was already guiding Regent to the ambulance. Still others carried the two asian girls to the ambulance to get their wounds properly closed and disinfected.
"We'll have them patched up in a few hours," said the driver. "We know you're going to need them for tonight."
"Why?"
"Don't know yet? Just turn on a television, and you'll see."
I did just that, and watched the rerun of Bakuda's announcement in its entirety. I shut off the news as the announcement looped over again. Bakuda had tried to sully my name, blame me for things she'd done, and of course the network had gone along with it. The Trio had pulled the same thing on me before, albeit on a much smaller scale, and back then it had felt like the end of the world. So why didn't it bother me now? It probably just seemed trivial compared to what she'd said next.
She'd blow up the entire city if I didn't meet her tonight, so I had a duty…
…A duty to not be a complete moron. If I was dumb enough to show up at the elementary school I'd deserve to be blown up. I would bet my life that the bomb wasn't even there. Probably somewhere else, harder to find, and set to explode when Bakuda's heart stopped. I recognized her broadcast for what it was: a suicide note. She was probably hoping the Triumvirate would show, so she could make a name for herself by taking them down with her. She just wanted to go out with a bang and give me one last middle finger on her way down.
I wasn't gonna give her the satisfaction. I wasn't gonna let her get famous. I'd kill her tonight, and I wasn't gonna let her drag anyone down to hell with her. A person like Bakuda didn't fear death, but she was terrified of her life being meaningless. Even if people cursed her name for a thousand years, even if her own parents hated what she'd become, at least they'd remember her. I'd make sure that didn't happen. I'd make sure that in a week nobody would even remember her name.
The problem was that Bakuda would have a deadman's switch. If I killed her, it would trigger her big bomb and turn Brockton Bay into a crater. I'd have to take care of the bomb first. Find it, teleport it somewhere it couldn't hurt anybody. Shit… I was gonna need Tattletale's help, wasn't I?
Well…
Fine. If it meant beating Bakuda, I'd suffer more of Tattletale's games. Let her change me, make me feel… things… Bakuda would have cameras around her bomb. I'd need a cape who could provide some cover. Grue? Vista? Clockblocker, Kid Win, or Armsmaster were actually better candidates. Clockblocker might be able to freeze the camera, Kid Win or Armsmaster might be able to make the camera play a loop or something. But why would heroes ever work with me? From their perspective I was…
I could explain things. I'd have to. Enough that we could put aside our differences until the bombs were disarmed. Then came the satisfying part. I could finally kill Bakuda, which would end my alliance with the Undersiders, allowing me to finally kill Tattletale. Oh, that one was gonna be fun… Fun? No… Maybe not. Probably not. Definitely not. It would suck, and I'd feel horrible. All the more reason to do it. Tattletale had her hooks in me.
Bitch threw a heavy bag at me.
"The fuck?" I asked.
"Your share," Bitch grunted.
"Like I said earlier, I don't want it."
"You were lying," said Bitch. "Saying fancy words to get on the team. You did your part; you get your share. Everyone wants fucking money."
"I'm not in it for the money," I said.
Bitch bared her teeth. "Fuck you. Why're you still lying? You're on the team. We can pull in bigger jobs with you- I get it."
"I don't want the money," I said, throwing the bag of money back at her. "I don't give a shit about it. I only robbed the bank because it'd draw out the ABB. I wanted to kill Lung, Oni Lee, Bakuda… They're putting bombs in the heads of children. I'm tired of all the politics and rhetoric about stability and power vacuums and all that shit. There's only one way to fucking save Brockton Bay, and that's to kill the capes who are ruining it."
"And did you?" Asked Bitch.
"I killed Oni Lee," I said. "I'll kill Bakuda tonight."
"Good," said Bitch.
And that was it. No talk of how I was rationalizing away being a serial killer, or how I was actually making things worse for everyone, or how I was undercutting a system I didn't understand. Just 'good'. Good. The comfortable silence was interrupted by a ringing landline. I waited for Bitch to pick up the phone. She didn't. Great… Fuck…
It was probably important. It could be Tattletale telling me that the Protectorate had tracked me back to HQ. Or maybe the ABB had discovered our location. Or maybe she knew where the bomb was, and I had a short window of time to disarm it.
On the other hand…
What if I picked up the phone and it wasn't her? It's not like I'd ever been trained to take calls as a supervillain- not that I was one- and hell, it wasn't like I had much experience talking to people in general. Just Dad and Lisa for two years. And so, like, taking the call would probably be kind of awkward and so I like totally wasn't gonna do it.
I let it go to voicemail feeling thoroughly pathetic. The caller hung up. The phone rang again. I probably should've expected as much. Well, it's not like anything had changed. I could do this all day. Nobody could force me to answer the call. I'd defeated Lung, the Wards, and Oni Lee, I wasn't gonna lose to an inanimate phone with no powers. It rang again. Was it just me or was it getting louder? I could almost feel the irritation of the caller just from the ringing.
"You should probably pick it up," I told Bitch. "It could be important."
"I'm not touching that thing," said Bitch stiffly.
Fucking Bitch. Afraid of a simple conversation, ridiculous. And she called herself a supervillain? Pathetic! The phone rang again. Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck. Why did it have to be so loud? Dammit. What if it was Tattletale? Wasn't there supposed to be a way to check who was calling? Star eighty-two? Fuck. It's not like I'd ever had a need for caller ID before, what with my total lack of both friends and money. So um, did you like have to pick up the phone- fuck, I'd accidentally taken the call. I waited for the caller to speak. The line was silent.
"I'm sorry, she doesn't live here," I said, panicking. "I think you may have the wrong number."
"Everywhere, I assure you that I do not. I am Coil," said an actor in Tattletale's pocket. "Tattletale has briefed me on your desire to improve the city. About your plan to take over the ABB, to legitimize and expand it so you have rule over all the asian refugees."
… Uh…
Why had he said that? What kind of mindgame was this? Why hire an actor, and tell him to tell me things that were too absurd to even piss me off? It was senseless. On the other hand, if he was real, and she wanted me to take him out she'd absolutely lie about my motives. A surprise attack would be our only chance.
But of course, it could all be a trick. The whole point of this conversation could be to convince me Coil was real. And if he was a fake, Tattletale would have scripted his answers to seem real. If he was real, well then his answers would just seem real because they were. I wouldn't learn anything from the conversation.
"Yes," I said, my mind racing. Best to play along.
"We're birds of a feather," said… Coil? "I wish to take over the city, and rule it well. I believe our goals are compatible, mutually-beneficial. We can be partners. Work with me, and you will see your people prosper. Make an enemy of me, and I will make it my mission to exterminate them."
Why was he pretending to take that absurd goal seriously? Even if I wanted to take over the ABB, which I didn't, I couldn't. I was Taylor Hebert, the bottom of the food chain at Winslow, so pathetic and weak I couldn't even overcome three dumb highschool girls. Nobody would ever follow me.
"I'm sure Tattletale has tried to poison you against me," said the man on the phone. "I can assure you that the two of us will never share a room together. You likely know my power, its weakness. But I've come into possession of another thinker. Should you even plan to move against me, I will know, and I will have you killed."
Okay… I had to give credit to Tattletale. If this was all a ruse it was an effective one. Have her actor threaten my life, make him nearly unbeatable, yeah that made me think he was real, because it'd be just my luck.
"Did you really recruit Tattletale at gunpoint?" I asked.
Coil chuckled. "When I found her, she was a homeless, paranoid, runaway who had no idea how to use her powers. A starving, dirty, street urchin. She was using her powers to get into the bank accounts of wealthy men. Irrational, I know, but there was a certain logic to it. A proxy revenge against her father."
I… I didn't like to think of Tattletale that way. Low. Pathetic. Beaten down. It was just wrong.
For all the ways she'd tried to play me, Emma had never tried to make me think we were on the same level, even as a trick.
Tattletale couldn't be weak. She couldn't even pretend to be weak as a ruse. It didn't make any sense. She was supposed to be Emma with superpowers, but…
"Can you imagine using your powers for such a pathetic purpose?" Asked Coil. "And yet most capes can only imagine using their powers to destroy. We are the rare ones. I know from your vision for the ABB that you seek to use your powers to create as well, or I would never be so forthcoming. You understand. I gave her a job. I showed her what she could be. I gave her value. Without me she would be nothing. Certainly, she would be dead by now."
More admissions of weakness. Emma would never do it, but Tattletale might. But then, Tattletale was far more than Emma could ever dream of being. Tattletale's whole stunt earlier today, preying on my better nature, showing she could…
… Improve me…
… Making me doubt…
Everything.
The good, and there was good in Tattletale, made her a far more terrifying monster than somebody outright malicious.
"But to answer your question, yes, I recruited her at gunpoint," said Coil. "It was the only way to help her. She was too proud. Compliance through fear was her only path. I forced her to become a better person, to curb her worst impulses, to get through the darkest period of her life. She will never forgive me for that. For giving her help, when she needed it most. She will try to destroy everything I've ever built, no matter the harm it will cause."
"Then why keep her around?" I asked.
"She's useful," said Coil lightly. "For now. I've scheduled a meeting with the heroes and villains of Brockton Bay at Somer's Rock in two hours. Be there."
He hung up. Well then… I was simultaneously completely sure that I had to kill him while being totally convinced that he was a completely fictional ruse from Tattletale to force me under her control. If he was real, I'd have to work with Tattletale to take him down. I couldn't hope to take on a Thinker without the help of another, and doing nothing about him would lead to Brockton Bay falling to villainy. And if he was fake, and I fell for the ruse, then I'd just be allowing Tattletale to control me indefinitely. She'd already used me to rob a bank, kill a child, and cut open the skulls of two more.
Whatever else I thought about the conversation, I appreciated the invite, because Bakuda was the more immediate threat. My mission, clearing out the villainy in Brockton Bay, was already difficult. I didn't need an unnecessary war with the heroes. I could explain why I'd done what I'd done at the meeting. Get everything cleared up, maybe. Maybe not be treated like the next Bonesaw, that would be nice. More importantly, I'd probably need their help to get rid of the bomb and save the city. I retreated to the bathroom, and stared into the mirror.
"Hi I'm Everywhere," I whispered. "I'm not trying to take over the city or anything. I just want to take out Bakuda. She's lying about me, she was the one who put bombs in the childrens' heads, I was just getting them out. I was actually trying to save the kids. I can teleport things, but they've got to be exposed to the air. So that was why I had to cut open their heads."
Yeah, no… Nice try Taylor, but no. Actually, terrible try. Not only would I utterly fail to convince any heroes to my cause, but I'd be explaining the intricacies of my powers to all the villains of Brockton Bay. I didn't want them to know how my powers worked. Given the small possibility that Coil was real, and his powers were as Tattletale described, my only chance to take him out would be deception.
I'd need to talk with Tattletale about what she'd told him and get our ducks in a row. She'd had the good sense to lie about my motives, but I could already tell that he was suspicious. With his powers, a delayed kill would be my best chance. I already had a vague plan about how to pull it off, but it wouldn't work if I gave Coil too much information. It would be to my benefit to oversell the limitations on my power. Not outright, that would be too obvious, but implied, so when he uncovered it he'd think he'd gotten one over on me.
If Tattletale was just playing me, I could always take her out later. If Coil was real though, if he really had another thinker on his side, then killing him would be a long operation which would start with the misinformation I planted at the meeting. That would have to be my primary objective. Explaining myself would be secondary.
With that in mind, I continued to rehearse. I'd iron out the details with Tattletale, come up with a plan.
ooOoo
"Yes, the knife just appeared in her hands," the dockworker repeated. Armsmaster would have preferred to check on HQ. Bakuda's terrorism had likely cost him the majority of his tech, a crippling blow. Luckily, the most important tinkertech he possessed was his combat-simulation software and Dragon had backups. Unfortunately his nano-thorn halberd was likely lost. It left him feeling hollow. Doubtless there would be several new agent positions to fill, perhaps a new boss to answer to, and overly-emotional Wards to babysit, which would be tedious as well. Instead he was in a smelly backroom in a defunct ferry station. If that didn't describe being a superhero, nothing did. "The ABB is just the start, sir, I think she's planning on taking over the city. With respect, she's got more support than you might think. A lot of people just see Oni Lee dead, and excuse her crimes. I know it's not my place, and I'm sure you're going to do it already, but I think publicly announcing a kill order for Bakuda and Everywhere would cut into her momentum. Show that the PRT is willing to get its hands dirty, do what needs to be done."
Civilians. They got such funny ideas.
"Squirter will be dealt with in due time," said Armsmaster. "Her successes can be better attributed to our lack of information than any real excellence on her part. Given an understanding of her powers, I could bring her to justice with ease. You sharing what you witnessed has brought me one step closer to that goal. That is commendable."
"With all due respect," said the dockworker. "You're underestimating her. Minimizing her impact, the damage she can cause. If you give her a slap on the wrist, it'll only enable her. I understand you need to take care of Bakuda, but just tell me that if we make it through you'll get Everywhere a kill order."
Perhaps. Perhaps not. As it stood, every option was in play for the new cape. Squirter stood dangerously close to a kill order, although not for the reason the naive dockworker thought. If Panacea's foot injury festered, Squirter would suffer the PRT's full wrath. She'd get a kill order and the Triumvirate on her head. Killing Kid Win or Gallant would likely have warranted a trip to the bird cage, although he privately suspected he'd have gotten a call from Director Costa-Brown suggesting that he not involve himself, and leave her capture up to the Wards. As for executing the asian child on national television, well…
Most people couldn't handle the truth. What their safety cost. The reality of their situation. What it would take for humanity to survive.
He suspected that the good Director Costa-Brown was privately pleased with Squirter's actions, even as most within her organization violently opposed it. Easy to be moralistic when you'd never led, never fought any real battles, never killed a dozen good men with selfish sympathy.
The children had fired first. Civilians who attacked a cape unprovoked were unilaterally given kill orders. No excuses, no exceptions. Their age was irrelevant. Whether the policy was good or evil was debatable; its necessity was not. Most capes could be brought down by gunfire. Easily too. There were approximately 900 million guns circulating in the US. Civilians could easily wipe out the majority of parahumans. Anti-cape sentiment was high. Allow one child to kill a cape with a slap-on-the-wrist, and you'd set a precedent. The gangs would start hiring child soldiers, and soon you'd have local militias gunning down capes they didn't like. Lung, Kaiser, Hookwolf, there were any number of parahumans that would be inevitably gunned down.
And capes, even monsters like Squirter- especially monsters like Squirter- were humanity's only chance against the Endbringers. Lung was an excellent example. A criminal, a monster, the worst person you'd ever meet, and exactly who had been needed against Leviathan. If the Kaisers and Squirters of the world were allowed to be brought down by simple gunfire, then whatever hope of turning things around against the Endbringers would be reduced down to zero.
Executing children was a horrible thing. Letting their crime go unpunished would likely set a precedent that would directly lead to humanity's doom. Nobody was happy about it, but there was only one path forward. Kill them. Failure to do so would be driven by cowardice, not ethics.
If Squirter hadn't executed those children, then it would have been a matter of convincing the other villains of the city to do it. And if the villains failed, then the responsibility would have fallen to the PRT. Discreetly of course, unofficially. Perhaps a word to a contractor, one of the hidden branches of the PRT, and all the capes they employed less publically… An ugly act to be sure, but one that had to be done. What were a few children to the survival of their species?
If only they could find a cape capable of neutralizing an Endbringer, then they could afford to be more humane. But no such cape existed, not on Earth Bet, not yet.
Armsmaster's best guess is that the PRT hoped to remain tolerant of Squirter, and would rather keep the doors open for collaboration in the future. They'd issue a warrant for her arrest, threaten standard jail time, and order him to give her a scare- frighten her into following the unwritten rules like a good girl. That was all dependent on the fact that she wasn't the next Bonesaw. He doubted it. He'd seen the body of the girl she'd shot, warped beyond recognition, and suspected it had been a mercy kill. There was no evidence that Squirter had spatial warping powers. Bakuda and her bombs seemed a more likely option. No, he shouldn't be weighing outcomes, any conclusions were premature until he had more evidence.
Luckily, truce rules were in effect, and all the major capes would be meeting at Somer's Rock in an hour. He'd have normally skipped it, he had no intention of working with villains, but Coil had assured him that Squirter would be there. Armsmaster would give her a chance to explain herself, which would ultimately determine whether or not she was given a kill order. Of course, coaxing strangers wasn't a strength of his, so he'd yielded to Battery's request to be brought along.
"The PRT will uncover the facts of the case," said Armsmaster. "And once we're sure what she's actually done, we will work with the courts to determine an appropriate punishment. If they give her a kill order, I'll execute her; if they give her jail time, I'll capture her; if they determine she's innocent, I'll recruit her. I don't determine policy. I follow orders."
"And I respect that," said the dockworker. "I really, really do. But a lot of people don't. My daughter doesn't. A lot of my friends here don't. They're losing faith, Armsmaster. They think our courts are soft on criminals because they don't have to live in the areas affected by the gangs. And then Everywhere appears from nowhere, and now Lung and Oni Lee are dead. Results move people, a lot of people. If you tolerate her presence, they'll just see it as more evidence of the PRT's impotence."
"I know," said Armsmaster. "People are losing faith. Yes. They need a win. Yes. For every hero, myself included, there is a temptation to go rogue and do what I think is best without any input from others. No mettling superiors, no laws to hold me back. But I believe in the PRT. I believe in the system, and I won't abandon it because it's being tested. In fact, that's all the more reason to hold firm."
"Right," the dockworker said, steel in his voice. "You're absolutely right. A child sees redtape as a hindrance, an adult understands its importance. Reckless escalation might solve the immediate problem, but when you look broader, farther out, you realize that the system's checks are there for a reason. You're the hero this city needs Armsmaster. Whatever anyone says, know that some of us appreciate the work you do for us."
Armsmaster allowed himself a small measure of satisfaction at the unexpected victory and even took the man's number. Having a contact from the less fortunate side of the city seemed a prudent decision. Already, he'd learned that taking credit for Lung had been a misstep, and that his suspicions about the city's decay were well founded. More than anything, something deep in his gut whispered that a relationship with the dockworker would be useful. He wasn't normally one to rely on instincts, but in this case it was a harmless indulgence. One of the last low stakes decisions he would make today.
The next six hours would determine his legacy. From Miss Militia and the mayor, to the hardworking laborers like Danny Hebert, the fate of the city rested in his hands. He had to be good enough to save everyone.
That was what it meant to be a hero.
ooOoo
I was going over possible interactions at Somer's Rock, starting to get a little worried about whether Tattletale would return in time, when the landline rang again. Thank god.
"Hey Tay, it's Lisa." Fuck. Fuck, couldn't it fucking wait until after the meeting, after I'd dealt with Bakuda? I did not want the emotional baggage of getting dropped by the first friend I'd made in years distracting me going into the most important six hours of my life. But hey, what else could I expect? I was Taylor Hebert afterall, the universe's plaything.
"Hey," I said. It wasn't fucking fair? Why now? Why not tomorrow? How the fuck had she even gotten this number? It wasn't fucking fair!
"I saw you on the news," said Lisa. "They're not painting you in a positive light, trying to say you're murdering children. But it was Bakuda wasn't it? She puts the bombs into the children's heads, and you did what you had to to save people?"
"I…" I swallowed. "I haven't gone villain, Lisa! You were the one who told me I needed to team up with some other capes, remember? And the Undersiders aren't so bad, they were the ones who saved me from Bakuda, helped me get my ear reattached! They're just in it for the money, and um… Tattletale, the one who was fucking with Glory Girl, she was recruited at gunpoint by her boss. She was even the one who showed me how to save the kids! Hard as it is to believe, everything I've done has been to take down the ABB."
Lisa was silent for a moment. "Is that really true? Remember Tay, you can lie to yourself; you can't lie to me."
"Maybe," I said. "The Undersiders have a boss. Coil. He's bad news. He's planning on taking over the city. He's got the power to split the timeline in two, and choose the one he prefers. He says he's got possession of another thinker. Probably has them hooked on hard drugs, might have taken their feet off so they can't run. Can't get help from the heroes on this one, he's already infiltrated the PRT, and his powers would tip him off if I did. I think if I can-"
"Taylor," said Lisa. "Stop talking. The phone might be bugged."
Stupid, stupid, stupid. You're still a child Taylor, playing a game you don't understand. Maybe it's time to go back to the kid's table, and leave the real decisions to the adults.
"Are you still on my side, Lisa?" I asked. "Bakuda's bomb threat is my fault. I pushed her into a corner. If I didn't take down Lung and Oni Lee, she wouldn't have-"
"Don't take responsibility for the actions of others," said Lisa. "It's a trap that bad actors use on the gullible to neutralize them. Don't fall for it. Bakuda is the one who deserves blame for her actions. You didn't force her to put bombs in people's heads, you didn't force her to join a gang, and you didn't force her to threaten to blow up a city. Those were her decisions."
"Tattletale told me I was messing with a system I didn't understand," I said. "Maybe there was a reason the heroes didn't do anything about Lung."
"You're misinterpreting-" Lisa cut herself off. "Look, people like Brian, Tattletale, they liked Brockton Bay the way it is. It's a place that's safe for criminals and capes. That has to change if the city is ever going to get better for the average man. You think that the gangs are just going to lie down and take it? No. Saving the Bay was always going to mean war. You kill an asshole, expect one hell of a deadman's switch. It's probably gonna suck, but if you let that deter you it just means a slow death."
"I almost killed two Wards," I said. "I robbed a bank. I killed a child, Lisa. And I felt nothing. No sorrow, no remorse, nothing. Emma won, Lisa. She broke me. I'm a monster."
Lisa was quiet then. "There is a monster in you Taylor. Something dark, destructive, and maybe that's not a bad thing. Kindness, empathy, forgiveness, none of that took down Lung and Oni Lee. It won't get rid of Bakuda. You did, with all your darkness. But you can also be kind, more self-sacrificing than any hero. I've got some friends in the asian community. They know what you did."
"That I cut open the heads of two children?" I asked, giggling. "That I put stamps in their brains so I can kill them at my leisure?"
"That you saved two children," Lisa whispered.
"Only for Bakuda to blow everyone up," I said. "Saving a couple kids doesn't matter. Nothing I do will ever make a difference. All I can do is blunder around and make everything worse."
"You're trying to use your power to help people," said Lisa. "You're not using it for your own gain, your own fame, or even to feel better about yourself. You're doing the best you can. That's all you should ever ask of anyone."
"I was given this power for a reason," I said. "I have to be better."
"I've heard that the heroes and villains are meeting at Somer's Rock," said Lisa. "You could explain everything there. Clear your name."
And start making moves against Coil. My redemption started at the Rock. I couldn't go there with any worries, with any doubts. Maybe that's why I was unloading on Lisa. Get everything off my shoulders before having the most important conversations of my life. I had to convince the heroes I wasn't a psychopath, and oh yeah bluff a thinker about my powers or the city would be fucked in a few months. So yeah, I was pretty worried.
"Or," said Lisa. "You could go somewhere else. You know those friends I've got from the asian community? I heard that they're gathering ABB members Bakuda implanted. I could take you to them, help you save them, but you'd have to miss the mee-"
"Yes," I said, smiling. "I'll go with you."
"Do you understand what it'll cost?" Asked Lisa. "You're a powerful cape, the PRT is gonna give you every benefit of the doubt. You could probably talk yourself out of a killorder, maybe even avoid being labeled a criminal. They don't want conflict with you anymore than you with them. You could be a rogue. Get some journalists to repair your image, be seen as an antihero by the public. And this might be your only shot at-"
"I know," I said. "I know. I don't care."
"I know you don't," said Lisa. "And that's why I'm on your side, Tay, because you're the real deal. You can lie to yourself; you can't lie to me. You're a hero. And that's rare, that's one in a million. The Wards, the Protectorate, they're good people, they're doing their best, but they're not heroes, not like you. I'll always be on your side. Always. Even if you turn on me, I'll be on your side. Don't forget it."
And for one beautiful, perfect moment- the first since the locker, since Emma had betrayed me, since Dad had forgotten I existed, since Mom had died- I allowed myself to believe that somebody actually cared.
Lisa was the kindest liar I'd ever known.