AN: Another chapter down. This one got away from me a bit. Also, I was having trouble finding the motivation to work on this, but the Loud House Movie came out this weekend, as many of you undoubtedly know, and it was friggin fantastic. I found a lot to love about it, its both a fantastic Loud House movie, and also just a great movie in general. But you're not here for my movie review, the important thing is it was good enough that it got me jazzed to write some Loud House stuff, so here we are.
TigerJacob: To be fair, I've had this story shelved for a long time. So there was a long stretch where I was posting nothing, and then the three or four chapters I've posted within the last month. But thank you, I'm glad you're enjoying the story. I think I've got at least a few more of these in me.
nuuo: Stupor Heroics is nowhere near as cynical a world as the one in The Boys. But the story does have a bit of a deconstruction angle to it, and there are some things about superherodom that do warrant examination. It's mostly goofy, fluffy harem stuff though. Probably.
Wolfang21: Alright. Here's a new chapter :). Haiku went over with readers better than I thought she would, so she'll probably be making more appearances in the future.
Mr. Haziq: Eight eggs. Lincoln is a good host.
JRC1700: You should keep in mind that Lincoln wasn't exactly in the driver's seat that night :)
Leo 23: Thank you very much. The next sister to show up, will of course be the next sister to show up. That's typically how these things work.
Wolvenstrom: Lincoln wouldn't be a very effective hero if he didn't play the game. That's sort of the crux of Lori's whole deal.
Mr ChubbySnorlax619: Thanks man, I update when inspiration allows me to, but I've had a decent amount of energy for this story as of late. The other girls will show up when I get around to them, there's pacing that needs to be set, arcs that need to be built, that kind of stuff. I have a lot of ideas for far-off chapters right now, but I've gotta do the groundwork first.
qazse: Funny you mention that...
It was a beautiful day in Royal Woods. Sun shining, birds singing, the sky bluer than it had any right to be.
Lincoln Loud saw none of this. For within the modest-sized college classroom he currently occupied, surrounded by his ostensibly attentive peers, Lincoln struggled against the mightiest foe he had ever faced. Blinking.
His morning had been a fairly hectic affair. Breakfast needed to be made, an additional breakfast needed to be made, and then a third breakfast specifically for Lynn had needed to be made, all whilst Lincoln jumped in and out of the shower, desperately trying to fix things so that he didn't smell like someone who'd spent his night being manhandled by two very affectionate super sisters. He'd been running on adrenaline for the entire affair, and when it finally came time to dash out the door and head to school, he'd been fairly confident that he'd be able to make it through the day in spite of how little sleep he'd managed to get the previous night. He'd made it to class, found himself a seat, and settled in for the coming lecture. And then, Lincoln Loud had blinked. Or, at least, he'd tried to.
Lincoln's eyes closed and his world went dark. It wasn't the frightening variety of darkness, quite the contrary, actually. For the sleep-deprived college student, it was rather cozy. It was there in the dark that his lack of sleep finally began to catch up with him. His breath began to slow, his shoulders sagged with fatigue, and his eyes grew heavy, ladened by the hours of rest he'd lost. The real problem, however, was that he wasn't alone.
"Welcome back, little bro." Lynn purred, stretching languidly across his bed, her token attempt at clothing herself leaving the majority of her beautifully sculpted body on full display for him, just as it was every night. "Should we pick up where we left off?"
"Oh, please." Another voice scoffed from just behind him. A pair of slender, yet powerful arms wrapped around his waist and pulled him close, the unmistakable sensation of large, soft breasts pillowing themselves against his back. "I think Lincoln's made it clear that he prefers me." Lincoln gulped as the speaker's hot breath brushed against his cheek. He knew that voice. More than that, he knew that irresistible figure pressing itself against him.
"And what makes you say that?" Lynn sneered, sensually running her hands down the contours of her body. "Lincoln can't keep his eyes off me. He doesn't even try to hide it."
"Because he kissed me." Said Lori, wrapping her fingers around Lincoln's chin and gently turning him so that he faced her, their lips only scant inches apart. "And he liked it."
"Mr. Loud!"
And with that, bli— transitioned into —nk. Lincoln wrench his eyes open and instinctively tried to leap from his chair, his limbs splaying in all directions as each one attempted to flee a different way. Unfortunately, his lizard brain didn't take into account the large, mostly metal, chunk of desk that stood between Lincoln, and the upright position, and as he tried to rise from his seat—
CLANG
—his movement was abruptly arrested. For a moment, Lincoln simply stood there, trying to retain his composure as pain reverberated throughout his midsection.
"Everything alright, Mr. Loud?" His teacher asked sardonically, his lips spasming with barely repressed mirth. The only reply Lincoln could muster was a shakey thumbs up.
"...Alright then." The older man spun around and turned his attention back to the whiteboard at the front of the class, now filled with things that Lincoln probably should have been writing down this whole time. As he sank back into his seat, trying to ignore the sniggering going on around him, Lincoln glanced at the clock on the wall, and a tiny, forlorn whimper escaped his mouth. There was still entirely too much day left in the day.
"So...this is what you do all day?" Lori asked, giving Lynn a sidelong glance. She'd tried to make her breakfast last as long as she could, but even a hero as disciplined as her could only stretch her brother's delicious cooking so much. Eventually, the last of those precious morsels had passed her lips, and without food to serve as a convenient distraction, there was little else for her to do to pass the time but talk to Lynn. Who, for her part, had spent the last few hours sitting in stoic silence, eyes glued to Lincoln's television.
"Mostly," Lynn replied, very deliberately not looking away from the TV. "I'm supposed to be keeping my head down. But I don't exactly disappear into a crowd, so I pretty much just hang out here."
"That sounds...unlike you," Lori said, trying to be diplomatic.
"It's been an adjustment." Lynn shrugged, "I came up with an exercise routine I could do that won't trash Lincoln's place, but it's kinda just something I do to keep myself busy for a bit. I can't get a real workout without specialized equipment."
"Of course," Lori nodded, being in the same boat herself. Super strength had its upsides, but it also made maintaining any kind of fitness routine an ordeal, and often one that got very expensive very quickly. While Lori didn't need to worry about getting fat, a perk she suspected Lynn also enjoyed, given her absurd diet, being a hero was a physically demanding job, even more so for top-tier heroes like Lynn and herself. If you didn't stay in fighting shape, you weren't going to last long, and gravity-generating weights and blast-resistant training dummies didn't grow on trees. At least, not on their version of Earth.
"Sometimes Stella swings by and keeps me company." Lynn continued, "But she's got her own stuff to deal with. And when that happens, I'm pretty much on my own until Lincoln comes home."
"So...TV," It felt like an alien concept to Lori. She couldn't remember the last time she'd just sat down and vegged like this. It wasn't...unpleasant, per se, just different.
"Not just TV." Lynn protested, reaching down into the couch cushions and pulling out her phone. "I got this game I play on my phone sometimes."
"Please tell me it's not that Hero Academy thing," Lori groaned, shaking her head in annoyance. "Carol's a friggin addict and won't shut up about it. She puts insane amounts of her own money into it too, it's ridiculous."
"I...think Stella actually plays that." Lynn frowned thoughtfully. "Is that the one with the...'husbandos', and 'waifus'?"
"Heck if I know."
Lincoln winced as his pants violently began to vibrate. The throbbing in his...aggravated area had stopped, but it was still a very tender place. Reaching into his pocket, he yanked out the culprit, his phone, and immediately clamped his hands around it, trying to muffle the manic buzzing of the device as best he could. Fortunately, it seemed the class was finally done having fun at his expense, nobody so much as spared him a glance.
He hesitated. Protocol dictated he put the phone away and ignore it until class was over. But...it was entirely possible that this was an actual emergency. He did have two super-powered sisters hanging out at his apartment, after all. Sliding his phone under his desk as discretely as he could, Lincoln powered on the screen and opened his messenger app.
Stella: Lincoooln! Need halp with the new raid! You have the limited edition SSR Summer Beauty Furiosa, right? Can you plz loan her to me? She'd be perfect for this!
"Later!" Lincoln furiously typed back, before abruptly powering down the phone.
"Anyway, no, I don't play that thing." Said Lynn, tapping the screen of her phone a few times before showing it to Lori. "Turns out they made a phone version of that card game Lincoln likes to play. And it handles all the really complicated stuff that he normally keeps track of, which makes it a lot easier to understand. So I got it."
"And you're playing it?" Lori asked incredulously. "Of your own free will?"
"I'm practicing." Lynn protested. "If you're going to do something, you might as well be good at it. And I'm tired of being the weak link on our team. At least, I was before you came around. But just looking good compared to you doesn't do a whole lot for my average."
"You could always just tell Lincoln you don't want to play his game," Lori deadpanned. "That'd probably be easier than getting good at a thing you don't even like."
"I..." Lynn hesitated, looking between her phone and Lori. "Just shut up and mind your own business."
Lori had seen many amazing things in her storied career, but the sight of Lynn shrinking down into her seat, her face tinting redder with each passing second, had put the majority of them to shame. If it had been literally anyone else who was causing Lynn to react so adorably, Lori would have been ecstatic.
"Look, Lynn," Lori said, shifting gears. "From what I've heard, your...situation, mostly sounds like a formality at this point. Why don't I make a few calls on your behalf?"
"And do what?" Lynn asked, her eyes narrowing in suspicion.
"Just hurry things along, if possible," Lori reassured her. "These things need to run their course, but if you haven't had anything more severe than some forced time off by this point, you're probably in the clear. You miss working out, right? I know there are a few gyms for metas within a reasonable distance, I bet I could get you cleared to have a little daily gym time."
"What's the catch?"
"No catch." Lori put up her hands defensively, "Just trying to help out my little sis. You must be going stir crazy here."
"School days are the hardest," Lynn admitted. "But..." A small smile crept onto her face, "The rest of the time, it's actually pretty great."
Lori felt a twinge of something she quickly decided she'd very much prefer to not dwell upon. "And maybe I can get you some pants while I'm at it," Lori suggested through gritted teeth.
"No deal." Came Lynn's flat reply, her good cheer evaporating in an instant.
"Oh come on, Lynn." Lori pleaded. "Have you seen Leni's new line? That girl's a miracle worker! The fabric breathes so well. And they have pockets!" Lori let out a wistful sigh. "Remember pockets?"
"Then feel free to get as many as you want for yourself. I'm good, thanks."
"I'm not the one living with my little brother!" Lori snapped. "And constantly parading around in what's basically my underwear!"
"No, you're not," Lynn shot back, powering off the tv and whirling around to give Lori her full attention. "And that's what's bothering you so much!"
Lori found herself taken aback. "Excuse me?"
"You heard me." Lynn leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest. "You've always been jealous of how close Lincoln and I were. Even back when we were kids, you always found a way to butt in and pull us apart!"
Lori shook her head in exasperation. "Lynn, if I ever did something like that, it was because you always monopolized him. Not just from me, but from the whole family. And his friends! Lincoln needed time to himself, and he couldn't have that when you were around because he couldn't say no to any of us!" Against her wishes, Lori's lips quirked upward as memories of Lincoln constantly getting roped into the girls' various activities. Leni's fashion projects, Luna's music rehearsals, Lynn's constant training for whatever sport she was currently playing. She herself had started finding the boy irreplaceable as a golf caddy eventually. "That's just the kind of brother Lincoln was."
"That what you like to tell yourself?" Lynn asked, crossly.
"I generally try to be honest with myself, yeah," Lori responded in kind, feeling a twinge of guilt about the multiple cold showers she'd needed that morning to properly compose herself after the previous night.
"That's funny because I remember things a little differently. I remember Lori Loud: beautiful, popular, and incapable of not being the apple of everyone's eye. You were so desperate to be liked, it probably burned you up inside to know Lincoln liked me better!"
"I never—"
"Lincoln, I literally need a man's opinion," Lynn cut her off, adopting a ridiculously high falsetto. "Are these shorts literally too short? How about this bikini? It literally feels like I'm not wearing anything!"
Lori's face turned beat red. "Y-you're taking things out of context!" She stammered, suddenly on the defensive.
"You had a boyfriend!" Lynn shouted. "Lincoln was all I had! And that's fine, I didn't want anything else, but then you tried to take him too!"
Lori clamped her palm over her face and forced herself to breathe, trying to compose herself. This wasn't getting her anywhere. Getting into a shouting match with Lynn never did.
"Alright," She said at least. "Admittedly, yeah, I didn't handle the thing with Bobby as well as I could have. But none of us handled our...situation, all that well. Things were always complicated between us and Linc, you know that. And that was before we got our powers."
"It didn't need to be complicated," Lynn retorted. "He and I had each other. We were happy. The rest of you should have backed off!"
"Why? Because you called dibs?"
"Because he lo—" Lynn stopped mid-sentence, cheeks turning a soft, pink hue as she tripped over her own words. "He loooooo—" She paused, taking a deep breath. "He liked me! Anyone with eyes could see it! The rest of you were just kidding yourselves!"
Lori leaned back in her seat, one hand gripping the armrest of the couch as tightly as she dared. "Lynn, did you ever think to ask Lincoln how he felt?"
"I don't—" It was a brief, fleeting thing, but just for an instant, the larger girl's gaze faltered. "I don't know what you're talking about!"
"You've always been so confident that you knew the score between you and Lincoln." Lori pressed on, "Even now, you're acting like this...thing, this living together thing you've got going on is something you guys planned out. Do you even know if Lincoln is...you know, interested?"
"Why wouldn't he be?" Lynn asked, hopping to her feet and striking a pose. Right foot tucked behind her left foot, left arm extended, pointing to something in the distance, right arm tucked against her stomach and flexing. It was an impressive pose, simultaneously drawing attention to her generous assets and her sculpted physique. It was also a very popular one, for obvious reasons. Lori had seen Lynn use some variation of it across numerous promotional materials, from commercials to billboards to magazine advertisements.
"Have you seen me?" Lynn scoffed, flinging jerking her head backward, sending her chestnut hair cascading in a glorious, picture-perfect arc. "I know you're not used to the concept, but this, here? This is what competition looks like."
"Meaning what exactly?"
Another flash of uncertainty rippled across Lynn's face. "Because. Thanks to that comet, I'm strong as heck now. A-and," She swallowed audibly. "S-sexy. Everyone...everyone says so." Her voice grew fainter as she continued, sounding as if she was trying to convince herself as much as she was Lori. She took her seat again and turned towards Lori.
"Why wouldn't he want to be with me?" She asked, quietly. "I'm better now. Better than I ever could have been. Why wouldn't he...want...me?"
Lori sighed, this time out of pity, and more than a little sympathy. "I'm not saying you don't have a chance, Lynn. Because, yes, you are absolutely rocking...everything. I just think you've overlooked something very important to this plan of yours."
"What?" Lynn asked. Her eyes pleading.
"Because," Lori reached out and took Lynn's hands in her own. "As one sister to another. It's important for you to consider the possibility, that your brother might...not...want to be...with..."She took moment, fighting down the surge of emotion that threatened to overwhelm her. It was something that never got any easier to deal with. "...you." Lori managed to finish, giving her younger sibling a sad smile. "After all, just because we're screwed up doesn't mean Lincoln is."
In the secluded corner of the Student Union he currently occupied, Lincoln glanced at the clock on the wall, then back at his phone, trying to muster his courage. He didn't have much time left. Class was going to start soon, and that didn't give him much time to be in his seat. But this never got any easier, and the last thing he wanted to do was attempt this while he was surrounded by his classmates.
"Do or die, Loud." He muttered to himself, jabbing the phone with his finger, and waiting for it to load.
"Heeero Acadumy!" His phone chirped as the title screen to the infernal game popped into view. He shook his head in annoyance as he jabbed the phone again, triggering another loading screen. It never failed to mystify him that a game made for Americans, utilizing mostly American superheroes, still managed to be plagued with badly accented Engrish.
As soon as the home screen transitioned in, Lincoln's fingers began to dance across the phone with practiced ease, effortlessly navigating the myriad popups advertising upcoming events, tie-in merchandise, and the old standby, limited-time offers for in-game purchases. The latter caused some hesitation, but he powered through regardless. He was on a mission.
Almost there. He brought up his unit list and with a flick of his wrist, sent the screen scrolling downward, careening through a seemingly endless sea of faces, some more familiar than others. Finally, he found her. One last moment of hesitation as Lincoln's finger hovered over the relevant part of the screen. He worried, for just an instant, that he wouldn't be strong enough to continue, but Lincoln steeled his resolved and stabbed downward, putting every ounce of his determination in the motion.
Milliseconds passed as the game gathered the necessary data, and then...she appeared. There on his phone, a tiny digital recreation of his sister, rendered in a stylish, dynamic-looking comic book style, harkening back to the very books he'd spent so much of his childhood reading. It really was a remarkable interpretation of Lynn, authentic down to the smallest detail. Which was made readily apparent by the criminally sheer swimsuit that was plastered to her voluptuous form. The only inaccuracy was her expression. Her eyes were dull and listless, completely devoid of the fire and energy that was the core of Lynn's very being. That alone made it a poor comparison to the real deal, but it was, admittedly, a very small part of the overall package. And it was certainly a lovely package indeed. He was nearly done with his task, he just needed to wait for one last thing. As the last of the data loaded, the tiny figure looked at him, and it spoke.
"So...what is this for?" Said his sister's simulacra. "They said it was some kind of costume fitting?"
Hero Academy was an insanely popular and profitable mobile game, consistently topping the charts on both fronts. It contained numerous metas as playable characters, many of which were widely renowned, and every one of them was fully voiced. Granted, most of those were canned voice clips grabbed from movies, interviews, and the odd bit of news footage that could be properly recycled without context, but high ranking heroes typically had a much more robust library of lines, it being considered something of a status symbol to have made it into the game and be asked to record fresh material. Limited time variants, like those for holidays and special events, had even more work into them, typically containing entirely original bodies of voice work made specifically for the game.
This limited edition Furiosa, a variant of an already popular heroine now made magnitudes more so due to her stylish, fashionable swimwear, only possessed that one, single line. And it was so very...Lynn. Prior to her reemergence into his life, that little, seconds-long voice clip was the most genuine thing he'd seen from her amid years of appearances across numerous forms of media, and it had never failed to bring a smile to his face.
Unfortunately, it also brought a host of...other, very complicated feelings along with it. Especially once her idle animation started. Lynn putting her hands behind her back, innocently thrusting her chest out, waggling her hips from side to side...
With one last growl of defiance, Lincoln mustered the last of his willpower, tore his gaze from the entrancing sight, and jabbed at the screen one final time. Time moved in fractions of heartbeats as he waited for the motion to register. Finally, when it seemed like his resolve would finally break, a small icon lit up at the bottom of the screen.
"FRIEND UNIT SET", it read. Wasting no time, he swiped the app closed and finally allowed himself to breathe a sigh of relief. There was a good reason he so rarely brought that particular acquisition out of storage.
"Stupid, sexy, Lynn," Lincoln grumbled to himself, shoving his phone in his pocket and stomping off to class, frustrated in more ways than one.