Hi, all. I decided to try my hand at writing fanfiction for this fandom. For years, I've written nothing but The Fosters fanfic, and now that I've discovered Rolivia, I decided to give it a try.

This is a one-shot taken from The Book of Esther (season 19, episode 20), or rather the tail end of that episode and what I wanted to see happen.

I am going to attempt to get their canon characters right, but in the end this IS fiction. No kids are in this one. I am, however, working on a longer Rolivia story which I will not post until it is finished. Until then, I plan on writing these one shots for your reading pleasure!

Feel free to comment and vote! Love is appreciated for any writer :-)

Fractured

IT'S ALRIGHT, IT'S ALRIGHT

You see the fault lines, started panicking

IT'S ALRIGHT, IT'S ALRIGHT

You confide in the low light, you're so kind

You're caught up in the crossfire

IT'S ALRIGHT, IT'S ALRIGHT…– Fractures

"Your gun was the one that fired the bullet that killed…Esther Labott," Olivia's words kept ringing in Amanda Rollins' head over and over again as she paced in front of the random bar she had managed to find on her way home after meeting with IAB.

She was told that she was to take off at least three days, and she had to see a shrink, something she absolutely hated about her job. But when it was mandatory, she knew she had no choice but to bite the bullet and just go.

She felt weak…she felt helpless…and she felt as if she was losing all control of anything and everything right now. Gambling was off the table, and she knew that drinking should be as well. But all she wanted to do was forget. She needed to forget. She needed to get that image of Esther out of her mind…that still cold skinny body laying in the middle of the kitchen, vacant eyes and stringy ash blonde hair splayed on the floor, soaking in the blood that seeped it's way across the floor.

She needed to forget how Esther had hungrily gobbled anything and everything that she could get her hands on when Amanda was befriending her. She needed to not remember that this girl had looked at her in such a way, she just knew that she wanted to be rescued…yet the brainwashing she had endured for all 27 years of her life was stronger than that desire to leave.

Growling softly, Amanda finally gave in as she marched into the hole in the wall bar and slunk onto a corner stool, hoping to just disappear until all of her emotions were washed away in a sea of whiskey.

"What'll it be tonight, young lady," the bartender smiled widely at her as she kept her eyes averted and mumbled her usual order of Jack Daniels.

"Thanks," she gripped the glass until her knuckles turned white before downing the harsh liquid and inviting the burn that glazed her clogged throat.

She had grown up in a home where religion was shoved down her throat, mainly by her grandmother and mother, and each and every week, she had sat in those pews, learning how to fear a big man in the sky. Yet, she had not had to endure what Esther did…and her heart constricted as she squeezed her eyes shut just as she was given a refill, downing it just as fast as the first.

Her eyes flew open though because just as soon as she had closed her eyes, she could see Esther's little sister dog chained in the house. She saw the string of kids who all looked to be underweight. She saw the lunatic of a father who deserved to be dog chained himself along with the mother who was just as evil. Her chest burned as she struggled to take a deep breath as she nearly leaped out of her skin when she felt a hand fall heavily on her shoulder.

"Oh shit!" she laughed nervously as she looked up to see Olivia removing her leather jacket. "You scared me! Jesus! How the hell did you find me?"

"I'm a cop, Rollins, remember?" Olivia laughed softly as she placed her hand on the back of the bar stool next to her. "May I?"

"Sure," the blonde whispered now as she tried her hardest not to show any emotion as she received her third whiskey of the night.

Olivia ordered her usual glass of red before turning to the younger detective. "You doing alright? All things considered?"

Amanda snorted now as she licked her lips and sipped her whiskey this time around. "Define alright?"

The older detective flipped her long brown hair behind her shoulder as she turned slightly to get a better look at Amanda now. She looked dejected and lower than she had ever seen her if she was honest…and it kind of scared her. But she also knew the feelings well that were swirling around them.

She knew how it felt to try and not carry these stories home with her each and every single night, and she knew the monsters that lay in wait to terrorize her in her own nightmares. If she was honest, she didn't know a whole lot about Amanda's past except what she had divulged, and she hadn't been surprised to find out that she had grown up in a religious home. That in itself was enough to trigger the blonde…of that she was certain.

"Well, I'm glad you have the next couple of days off, Amanda," Olivia said softly as Amanda refused to look back at her now.

She had wanted to be alone, and she could feel the anger begin to burn in her veins the more Olivia said. She knew that she was being unfair to her captain, but in the end, when she was hurting this badly, she just needed to be alone. No one was allowed to see her unravel. They couldn't because if they did, she'd appear as weak as she felt as she felt Olivia's warmth from her body radiating in the closed space as the bar began to slowly crowd.

Swallowing down another gulp of her whiskey she licked her lips once more before looking over at the older woman. Her emotions which were once a giant hurricane inside her were starting to fade like she had wanted as she tapped the bar for another refill.

"Ya, well, I'll make sure to make the most of those days, Liv." Her words had come out sharper than she had intended as she blinked back the hot tears that sprung to her blue eyes, and she looked down as she felt Olivia's warm hand on top of her shaking one.

"I know, Manda. I know," she whispered now as Amanda managed to sniff quickly before tossing back her glass and slamming it on the counter as she jumped off her chair.

"I'll be back, okay. Gotta smoke," she pulled out her pack of cigarettes that she had bought at the corner bodega earlier. She hadn't smoked in years, but she knew there was not stopping her tonight. It was either smoke and drink or head on over to Atlantic City and throw out her sobriety in regards to gambling…something she was fighting with everything in her body.

"Do you have an extra?" She jumped again as she looked over to see Olivia smiling softly at her in the streetlight.

"Are you serious right now, Liv?"

"I used to smoke a long, long time ago, Rollins. You're not the only one on this planet to have indulged."

She laughed now as the alcohol was beginning to really do its job now, and she handed her pack over to Olivia before lighting her own. Reaching over with her lighter, she made eye contact with the brunette as she lit her smoke, her hand still trembling. She felt warm, and in this moment, she wanted to feel anything other than what she had felt before the alcohol had flooded her bloodstream.

Clearing her throat, she peered out of the corner of her eyes as she saw Liv blowing smoke out of the corner of her mouth like a pro which caused her heart to begin to hammer wildly in her chest.

"I guess I'm a bad influence on ya, Liv, if you haven't smoked in years," Amanda broke the silence now as Olivia took another drag, her dark eyes meeting the blonde's blue ones.

"I wouldn't call you a bad influence, Manda. I am a grown ass woman," Olivia cursed, causing Amanda to burst into laughter now, for it wasn't often that she heard the woman swear.

"Well, I mean, I come here to drink, and you track me down most likely by my phone. Then the next thing you know, you're drinking and smoking. What's next, Captain? Are you gonna follow my lead and have a one night stand too?" She blurted out before she realized exactly what she had said. Damn whiskey…lowering her walls and causing things that she normally would keep to herself to fly out of her mouth like a lunatic.

"HA!" Olivia chuckled now as she turned to look at Amanda. "Are you offering?"

"Wh..what?" Amanda looked at her incredulously as she knew that her superior was joking. They had built a sort of friendship through the years, but neither of them had ever dared to cross a line. Of course, Amanda was kind of, sort of joking, but it didn't matter as she now felt the electricity flying around them.

Putting out her smoke, Olivia reached out and brushed the side of Amanda's face softly as they stared intensely at each other now, and Amanda found herself closing her eyes and nuzzling into Olivia's hand before they flew open and she pulled back quickly.

"I…I'm sorry. I probably should go." Putting out her own smoke, she grabbed her jacket and pulled on it as Olivia grabbed her elbow, stopping her.

"Why are you running, Manda?" she asked in a low voice, as the blonde could feel her heart racing even more. She needed to bolt and fast, but the grip Olivia had on her elbow tightened, stopping her.

"I'm not. I just…I'm tired," she whispered dryly as Olivia stepped closer to the smaller blonde.

"You're always running when your emotions show up," she whispered softly. "I've noticed that a lot through the years, and I've never said anything."

"So…you're a…you're a detective. You're bound to notice shit."

"Mhmm, and with you, anytime you need to cry, you refuse. Anytime you need to vent, you close off. You think it's a sign of weakness. Even when you cried earlier in my office…Amanda…"

Yanking away from her captain, Amanda fought back angry tears now as she glared rather hard at the woman. "Don't! Just…let me…be!"

"Amanda!" Olivia went to grab her arms once more as the younger woman began to fight against her, but the brunette was relentless. She wasn't going to allow her to run this time as she managed to grab her harder than she intended and pulled her closer to herself. "Stop fighting me! I never want to see you suffer…especially after you broke down in my office! That killed me, and you shouldn't have to go through anything like this alone."

Amanda's chin quivered now as she bowed her head, engulfed now by Olivia's strong arms as a huge tear splashed off her nose. She had never been this close to Olivia. She hadn't let the woman get too close before now, and she felt the stiffness in her body begin to dissipate as Olivia tipped her chin to make her look her in the eyes.

"You have to know that people care about you…I care about you," she said softly as Amanda sniffled, finding her own arms now snaking around Olivia's waist.

"I…I do. I know you care, Liv. It's just…it's just hard, ya know? I…I can't let anyone too close, and if I do, it's…it never ends well. I'm better off alone. I'm a lone wolf, and I always have been," she admitted as Olivia tightened her hold on the woman.

"Come on," she whispered softly as she brushed the side of Amanda's face once more. "Let's get you home. I wanna make sure you get home safely. Will you let me?"

Amanda looked back into the brunette's intense gaze now as she slowly swallowed her pride and nodded her head. "Let's go."