AnneShirleyBlythe-It's all good no worries, as much as I enjoy your review, I do understand busy work seasons( I work in theatre essentially and have constant revolving deadlines for shows and whatnot!) Irene is something else isn't she, and I still don't think Rilla is completely rid of her, but yes Gilbert having to do background calls and swaying is a small fact I have tickled my brain for a while. I like to think he could have done it earlier, but he truly wanted her to be able to heal in peace and understand herself, before surrounding her with people who may not get it. Ken can write some lovely letters, he is quite good at that for sure. I do love him in this, we have some very fun letters in the future from him that I can't wait for everyone to read!
MB-As always thank you for your support!
"I need your help!" Miranda rushes into Ingleside. Rilla who was napping still in her morning wear looks confused. Mr Wilfrid at her heels, panting up a storm.
"Joe is coming back to say goodbye…he wants to marry me and oh…I didn't know what to tell him, but Mr. Wilfred…oh he howled at me from his bed. Father is away…oh Rilla, I don't know if I can do this! Elope without his blessing? But at the same time, I can't…I can't let Joe leave without his one wish. I'm almost nineteen, I don't need his permission."
"Miranda slow down," Rilla says rising slowly, hand on her stomach, and another on her back as she does. At almost seven months her body was changing daily and hurting. She could see Miranda look her over realizing just how different Rilla could look without her usual maternity wear.
"I'm getting married, and I don't know what to do or where to start," Miranda tells her and then looks up in horror. "Mrs. Blythe!"
"Well, I would suggest starting with a dress," Mother says with a wistful smile as if she understands Miranda in a way unspoken.
"I must have something white I don't fit, or wear anymore," Rilla says hands clapping, before looking to her mother, who nods her head.
"When is Mr. Milgrave coming into town?" Mother asks the important question that Rilla could not think of asking.
"Tomorrow, " Miranda tells her with tears coming down her face. "He has four days though! But tomorrow he is coming tomorrow!"
"Plenty of time, for a pick-up wedding and a little honeymoon," Mother smiles. "Rilla will help you with the dress, Susan and I will make sure you have a bit of cake and supper."
Rilla pulls Miranda upstairs, to her room which her friend has never been before, where its walls are covered in magazine pictures, and photos of Ken, and clothes are bundled onto a chair lazily. Wilfrid still following them, enough that Monday looks up from his spot, confused and follows them as well.
She apologizes for the mess, but Miranda barely notices from all the candid shots of Rilla the Ken had taken before recruitment. Some of them of both of them lying on the green grass of the valley holding the camera steady, kisses on their cheeks and the sweet look of love on their faces. More wedding photos, and Ken in his uniform, on her vanity, but the wedding photo is a stark contrast to the happy girl in photos, the woman in front of her rifling through her closet.
"He's somewhere in France, and letters while they can take a while, isn't that bad," Rilla tells her sympathetically. "I think this will work, it's not one that I managed to throw into a pot of dye." She laughs lightly.
"You do wear a lot of colour," Miranda nods her head and reaches for the back buttons of her pink dress.
"Wearing white seemed too redundant and pointless, I know it not, but wearing white when everyone is whispering about you, it's…well it wasn't very fun," Rilla says quietly.
"I'm sorry that happened to you," Miranda says bravely and empathically. "What they did was unthinkable, Father…wouldn't let me out of his sight for so long, especially after dark. He was worried…that… Well, it doesn't matter."
"He was worried because they were never caught, or arrested," Rilla says quietly. "Something I can understand."
Miranda nods her head and slips out of her dress, and into the one Rilla gave her…its long enough but needs a few nips and tucks here and there to make it suit her figure more. But it was nothing they couldn't manage.
"You are a lot more…different than I remember you to be," Miranda admits quietly. "Which is understandable…I mean…"
"It's okay," Rilla says quietly. "I'm not the girl I was before and over time I have become who I am because of that night."
Miranda can only nod and look in the mirror, at the smock blouse and simple skirt that hit her ankles.
"There, I think this will do," Rilla says adding a final pin before helping Miranda out of it. "I'll let you dress…I need the bathroom," Rilla tells her blushing.
They sew all evening, well into the evening that Mother makes up one of the beds for Miranda in the twin's bed and gives her a night dress. Though they stay up late in the living room playing card games wrapped up in blankets and woollen socks on their feet. Dogs lay by the fire, watching over their mistresses as they dozed.
"Does it feel strange? The baby I mean?" Miranda asks picking up a card and putting another down.
"It's odd at first, and then it's almost surreal, and sometimes, when I tired and she won't stop…I think it's a girl," Rilla tells her. "So sometimes it can be a bit annoying, you can feel it if you want?"
Miranda looks at her with wide eyes but moves closer and pulls up her nightshirt and feels around for a moment before taking Miranda's offered hand and pressing it slightly, and a moment later there is a small sharp kick. For a moment Rilla wishes Ken was here, that this was his hand and she wipes away a stray of tear, trying to be brave and Miranda sits back and gives her a moment.
"Can I ask you something else…?" Miranda asks quietly
"Of course," Rilla says taking a drink of the cocoa they had near them.
"What's it like?" Miranda asks quietly. "I have no else to ask, Mother died…and considering your condition?"
"I doubt I'm the best person for this," Rilla says after a moment. "I really, don't know anything?"
"But you are, really Rilla, " Miranda shakes her head. "We've kissed a lot, but…he's always been a gentleman?"
"All right," Rilla says for a moment, trying to gather her inner thoughts. "It's…awkward at first, but Joe loves you. You have to trust him as much as you trust yourself to not be afraid. I can't tell you if it hurts or not, it may or may not. Mother said it should always be about love, and if there is love it will be…Sic itur astra?" Rilla calls her mother's phrase.
"What does that even mean?" Miranda gives her a look of confusion.
"It means love can lead you to the stars," Rilla tells her quietly. "Love is exhilarating when it's shared. Your heart will beat faster, and your blood will race and it builds in your stomach, coiling tightly. It's dizzying, it's exhilarating…"
"But…you're naked?" Miranda says quietly.
"You don't…even really notice it after the initial undressing?" Rilla blushes bright red. "You have to put aside whatever you think it's right or proper and just live in the moment, feel the moment and don't be afraid. Feel it, live it, it's okay to nervous, even afraid, it's something you've never experienced…but you have something on your side that I didn't have…nightmares and memories and invisible scars."
Miranda just nods her head. "But the mechanics of such a thing?"
Rilla can't help but blush but think of Ken at that moment, au natural. "It's kissing, and touching all over the body, touch him if you're curious, but encourage him to touch you…the more prepared you are…the more wetness you feel….the better it will feel for you and if he tries without it…it will hurt you. You do understand what I'm saying?" Rilla asks praying that she did.
Miranda just nodded her head. "His part goes into my part, that part I know from Mother's talk when I began to bleed."
"Also if you don't want…if you don't want to be like me in a few months," Rilla says carefully after a moment. "Don't…don't let him finish inside of you Miranda, if you don't want a potential baby make sure he knows that?"
"Did you and Ken want this?" Miranda finds herself asking looking at the young mother-to-be.
"No, that is just my own advice, we didn't…we didn't even think of it until it was too late," Rilla blushes. "It wasn't planned, I just wanted, needed to know that there was a difference. That what was taken in greed was not the same given in love. I needed to know that was true, and he was leaving and we didn't know when or if he was coming back. He tried to talk me out of it at first, I know people talk around town. I know they think things, always these little biting remarks that Mother tells me to ignore. But it was only that night, but it was his honour, his patience over the year, never asking for anything that allowed that night to happen."
Miranda nods her head…."Can I ask one more thing?" And Rilla nods her head.
"Does it really look as funny as I hear it does?" She giggles at the end in embarrassment.
Rilla can't help but return a giggle, in old girlish naivety. It's well after midnight when the doctor comes home, finding the girls giggling at something in a book that they snap shut and hide away from his view. He raises an eyebrow but says nothing but 'off to bed' to them.
Both young women nod their heads and gather their things, and books as well and scurrying up the stairs, he shakes his head and as he scans his bookcase in his office, he knows exactly what they were reading.
The wedding preparations start as soon as the girls get up, baths, hairstyling, light breakfasts and corsets. In that order of course. For half of a moment, they wonder if they should tempt fate and have it at Miranda's house, but decide it is easier and more secretive to have it at Ingleside.
Rilla tucked herself into a dark purple gown, surprised that it still fit her as well as it did, considering Aunt Leslie had taken more than a few guesses with her size. Black stockings and slippers complete the look as she pauses to look at the photo of Kenneth.
Joe Millgrave comes mid-morning, fresh from the train in his khaki holding onto a license in his hand. Surprised at the commotion, and the flurry of women who were around, Mr. Meredith beckons him into the office where the men folk who were around, his best man, Sergeant Malcolm Crawford, follows him, but not before Miranda steals a kiss, and Wilfred at her heals yapping, and jumps at Joe's legs.
"Thank you! I love you," she says before being dragged off, Wilfrid suddenly confused as to who he must follow whines for a moment before he settles with the man in khaki.
They finish making Miranda ready for her wedding, pretty as a bride should be and for a moment Mother—Mrs. Blythe sits on the bed, matronly.
"I know you lost your mother, but marriage is a big step and I know…I know you and Rilla spoke but if you have any other questions I will answer them for you?" She says calmly..eyes flicking to Rilla who flushes at the mention of their conversation.
"I'll be all right. Mrs. Blythe, but thank you, truly for everything," Miranda tells her.
"Very well, I wish you all the happiness Miranda, truly," Mother says before leaving the small bridal suite.
Soon, it was time, the bridesmaid and bride, headed downstairs and the little wedding began. Wilfrid cries, and Little Jim shrieks Willa until Rilla reaches for him from Minnie smiling in amusement.
This was not the wedding she imagined, she could barely remember her own wedding that had come together in the same swiftness. She plays with her rings as she holds Little Jim's. In a few short months…she would have her own little one if it all went well.
To Lieutenant Kenneth Ford
ID 163322
10th Battalion
CEF,
France
February 1916
Dearest Kenneth
Well, Miranda Pryor got married, to Joe Milgrave, it was almost an elopement actually, we only had a day to plan it. It was a whirlwind that left me giddy and exhausted that we did it. I thought someone would have objected, but no one said a thing, I mean they were already engaged.
The wedding though, was sweet, although slightly pathetic in the end, Sir Wilfred kept crying through the ceremony and both of them looked like they were both going to cry until they did cry. Joe blubbered throughout his vows, and Miranda sobbed through hers.
I love you dearly, but seeing them…be wed just reminded me how much I don't remember of our own vows or wedding. It's all a blur and I feel cheated by it now.
She asked me what I thought of about it and if it made me think of you. I couldn't tell her that our wedding was even less than hers. That the day is cloaked in some sort of darkness? That it's not the same as hers? I barely remember Mr. Meredith speaking, just you sliding the ring on my finger. I look at our photo and I can't even remember what I was thinking when it was taken. It's all a blur of uncertainty and agony of my soul that Hades thrust on me.
Miranda doesn't understand truly, she sees us now, writing, the visits. The baby, she doesn't get that you married me to save my reputation, love had nothing to do with that day.
I was really trying to write a happy letter to you, but every time I try, I just…Hades reminds me of everything that has become my life. A girl's bridal should be the happiest day of her life, and for some reason, mine is just a reminder of all that happened. Which is far from your fault, you saved me from a life of loneliness.
I am going to end this before it becomes more depressing.
Rilla.
Rilla didn't expect to see Miranda so soon after her short honeymoon at the lighthouse, but Rilla brought her up into the garret knowing they had private things to discuss.
"Isn't it odd looking?" Miranda asks in a whisper. "I almost didn't even want to touch it at first all wrinkled up like it was. Half poking out as it does? Not that it got much better looking later, I just kept thinking that's supposed to go inside of me. No wonder it's uncomfortable…smushing a sausage into such a place. I asked him if it was painful because his face was all red."
"I mean it does kinda feel soft," Rilla blushes. It was strange to talk about such a thing, she wondered if other women, brides talked in private as such?
"I suppose so, after the first time, it got easier to be acquainted with?" Miranda says with a shy little grin.
"That it does," Rilla says knowingly, lip curling upwards as she goes through old trunks of baby things thinking about Ken…they had the afternoon, evening, and morning…to explore their bodies in a new way, clinging at each other foreheads touching when one of them remember that he would be leaving…
"I told as much as I love him, as much as I married him to be Mrs. Joe…I didn't want to be a mother yet, not alone, not without him. I'm not brave like you are," Miranda tells her after a moment. "We tried what you said…I didn't tell him it was you who explained, of course."
"I'm far from brave," Rilla says shaking her head, hand running over her child. "I may need help getting up, actually," she says laughing awkwardly.
Miranda gets up and gives her a hand and Rilla hauls herself up, almost already a bit winded from the exertion
"Rilla…that night the dance?" Miranda says quietly, thinking about rumours the year before, things she didn't understand and how the mothers sneered and kept their daughter away from young Rilla Blythe like it had been the plague. She had spent a year in isolation and loneliness for a reason that had not been her fault.
"What happened…I knew it to be wrong, but to understand it fully…you are so much braver than anyone thinks or says in whispers. You're brave for refusing to give up, to allow yourself to love Ken, to trust him."
Rilla can't answer her. Her hands went to her stomach, rounded off and already turning at the idea of thinking about that night.
"I'm sorry," Miranda says quickly, to her pale friend. Frowning at what can only be her mind making up its decision if what she asked had to be correct. The rumours the year before, things she didn't understand and how the mothers sneered and kept their daughter away from young Rilla Blythe like it had been the plague. She had spent a year in isolation and loneliness for a reason that had not been her fault.
"Have you heard from Ken lately?" She asked hoping it was a safe conversation.
"I got a letter recently, he's doing okay, good as one can be," Rilla says quietly. "I don't deserve him, truly I don't. After the shore…their hands— their laughs as I fought them, the feeling of them…I don't deserve someone so good, and understanding when I asked him…to show me what…he balked at the idea. Sometimes I wonder if I forced him in my persistence of needing to know?"
"I don't think it works like that for men," Miranda says with a knowing smirk. "He loves you, I've seen the way he looks at you, making sure that you are always safe next to him. He most likely just was afraid of making you hurt again?"
Small authors note
I won't have time to post a chapter next weekend as I will have a friend over for a visit. See you in two weeks!
Tina!