Chapter 16: Guilty
Here I am lying in bed with Philip. My head is resting on his chest and I want to stay in bed with him for the next few days. I close my eyes for a minute and think about Shane. He asked me for another chance and I said no. I had absolutely nothing to feel guilty about but I still felt guilty about the kiss.
"I found a white dress for the charity ball. I am going to try it on tomorrow." I said, realizing the ball was almost here. Only four more days and now we basically live together.
"Good. Use the credit card to buy it. You probably need a hair and makeup appointment too. I can take care of that if you want," he offers.
"Yes, thank you." I said, happy to have less things to think about. "Did you find out about getting out of your lease yet?" he asked, hopeful.
"No, but I will tomorrow. I was supposed to be moving to Memphis but now I am going to be here with you." I said, surprised how things had changed so fast.
"For lawschool right? Negan mentioned you were planning on going before your sister's death," he says softly.
"I wanted to be a lawyer since I was sixteen, but my mind wasn't in the right place for law school," I said sadly.
"Maybe you can go later. Why did you choose Memphis? There are plenty of good colleges in Georgia" he asks.
"My aunt Dana lives in Memphis. I was always so excited to visit as a kid. She has this gorgeous house. It was not as big as yours, but it was still very spacious. She also had a pool. We'd go on all these outings like the Wolfchase mall, the zoo, and Libertyland. Amy and I loved going there. Especially to the Redbirds' baseball game. Every time my dad drove us over the Memphis bridge, I just felt like I was home. I think you have to go there to understand. Of course, I am a huge Elvis fan too. My aunt once drove us to Graceland and let us go look at his house. She has always been cool like that," I said, thinking about better days.
"What's your favorite Elvis song?" He said surprised that he didn't already know about her Memphis and Elvis obsession.
"Are you lonesome tonight, but there are so many good ones. We should plan a trip to Memphii together. We can see Graceland, eat Central BBQ, and visit the zoo. Oh, we need to go on Beale Street too," I said, grinning. I wanted to be in Memphis, I was in love with the city.
"I would take you. Anywhere you want to go or anything you want, just ask me," he says, kissing my cheek.
"Would you consider giving me a baby? I never thought I wanted one. I actually knew I didn't, but now I want so much to feel a baby kicking in my stomach. I am not getting any younger. After losing pretty much all of my family, I want to start my own. I really want to have your babies. After we get married, of course, " I said nervously.
I needed to ask because if he couldn't or didn't want to have children, I deserved to know. That would be a deal breaker for me. I wanted to be a mom more than anything now. Even a lawyer.
"I would love to have a baby with you once we are married. We could also consider adoption. My parents adopted my sister Sasha, " he said quietly like he was telling a secret."I thought you were an only child, " I said, confused.
"Well, my mom wanted a daughter more than anything, and Sasha's parents died when she was about twelve. I was twenty-five years old and living on my own already. And I didn't get a chance to really know her. I know that it was beneficial for Sasha to live with my mom and dad, but she reconnected with her brother Tyrese once she turned eighteen, and we rarely see her anymore. So, I don't always tell people about her. I know mom wishes she'd come around more," he said calmly.
"I am sure that is hard on your mom," I said, concerned.
"Yes, I know mom worries about her. Especially since she is a cop with a four-year-old daughter named Isabella. But she lives with her brother, who helps out a lot with her daughter. There was a custody case for Sasha with her brother Tyrese against my parents. He wanted her to live with him when he was twenty, and she was thirteen. Of course, the judge ruled in favor of a two-parent family. And my parents didn't exactly do their best to allow them to keep in touch. It wasn't my mom's plan to have to deal with an older brother. So he saw her like twice a year with a few phone calls. And I know it caused hard feelings for Sasha and Tyrese. So it's a touchy subject. Though we've been allowed to see my niece occasionally," he said, looking emotional.
"Do you think your family will repair the relationship?"
"Sasha's a single mom now. If she hasn't wanted my parents' financial or emotional support now, I doubt she ever will. But I know my mom would like to have Sasha and Bella around more. My mom loves her so much and I know they made a difference in her life. We could do that for a child too," he said, pulling me closer.
"I do agree adoption is a great option, but I want to carry my own child. I really want a baby that looks like me and my sister."
"I promise you that will happen. You will have the most beautiful baby ever," he says, kissing me again.
"I love you," I blurted out without thinking. We've known each other exactly a week, and here I am confessing my love for him? But he has been talking about marriage, so is that any worse?
He looks up at me. There is a moment of silence.
"I love you too, Andrea Victoria Harrison," he says softly.
I was feeling more guilty about the kiss with Shane but I knew that was a kiss goodbye. I had the most perfect man beside me. He even wanted to adopt a baby like his parents; he seems to be almost flawless. Except for wanting me around all the time, but that's only because he adores me.