After a week of careful application of many strong smelling balms and serums, and the forcing down of plenty of grim tasting potions, Remus and Madame Pomfrey agreed that the wounds were as good as they were going to get.
She had assured him that, like the marks to his hands and feet, they would fade a little more with time - but that hardly helped him now. Mungo's analgesic cream had worked well enough to dull the ache, but the itching was inescapable. He stood in front of the mirror in the infirmary's bathroom, trying to convince himself that it wasn't that bad.
At least he didn't look quite as ill. Pomfrey insisted that it had simply been a matter of correcting blood loss, but Remus was secretly sure it had been the 10 doughnuts he'd gratefully munched on all in one day. He fingered the edge of his ear, gritting his teeth when he brushed over the sensitive new skin. Perhaps he should grow his hair a little longer, to conceal the marks on his neck.
He wished, if it had to happen at all, that it could have happened over the Christmas holidays, when he was safe in his own home and would have had his parents to comfort him. He knew that, in reality, he hadn't been the only one who was relieved to be back in a familiar place, though. His memories from transformations were always patchy, but the overwhelming relief of the familiar small stone room had been present for him as well. Instead, back in that big, unfamiliar house after being safe at home not a month earlier had unsettled him. Agitated and restless, he'd screamed until his voice was hoarse and clattered up and down the hallways and stairs until he'd exhausted them. And then the frustrated clawing began.
Remus had woken up with scars to his face before. He leaned in closer to inspect them - a thin, silvery line from the corner of his mouth down to his chin and another, almost hidden in his hairline.
He'd been much smaller then. Thin, sharp, puppy-like claws that had made razor-like cuts. Unfortunately, Remus wasn't the only one growing taller and stronger.
He fixed his tie and blinked hard, as though if he screwed up his face tight enough he could ring out his brain like a wet sponge and rid it of any thoughts.
It is what it is. Lily had been right about that. Nothing to be done about it now.
He bid goodbye to the Matron and slipped out into the second floor hallway. It was half eight at night. He'd hoped that if he left his departure until late, he'd bump into as few students as possible. If he only had to deal with Gryffindor tonight, that would be a blessed relief.
The Fat Lady raised her eyebrows at him, looking a little perturbed.
"Password?"
"Er, mayflower?" he said, hopeful that the password hadn't changed in the week he'd been away. He needen't have worried, the portrait swung open to admit him and he climbed in.
The common room was busy. Luckily, the kind of busy where there were so many students talking over the top of each other's noise, not many people even glanced up to the portrait hole to notice the little first year slip through. He made his way to the dormitory staircase like a nervous cat, clinging to the walls of the room and hurried up the stairs to the safety of the first year dorm.
It was empty - thankfully. Remus flopped onto his bed with a relieved sigh, staring at the red canopy above him.
He hoped all of his Hogwarts full moons weren't going to pan out like this. Hopefully the team at St Mungo's would glean something useful from him.
He heard the clip of feet on stone stairs. Someone was joining him. Probably Peter or Sirius - he'd rarely observed James do anything other than thunder up and down stairs.
The door clicked open softly and he inclined his head. It was Sirius. Without his shadow, James. Remus sat up to greet him, relieved that Sirius was the first person he'd speak to. He wasn't his closest friend, but he was much better at matching Remus' quiet demeanour than James, or even Peter was.
"Remus…" Remus could feel Sirius' eyes tracing his new scars and told himself not to cower away from his gaze. He would have to get used to people looking at him.
Sirius had always appeared put together and somewhat aloof to Remus, but there was something about his wide-eyed expression that reminded Remus that despite how well presented he was, he was no older, or more experienced than himself.
"What happened to you?" He seemed hesitant to come closer. Remus understood that feeling - his parents sometimes had that way about them. Everything was normal until the full moon, and then he was regarded as this strange, post-werewolf, fragile wounded animal for a few days, and then it wore off. Things had gotten better as he'd grown older, but it was a cold reminder to see that reaction again.
"Er… I went…" The excuse sounded ridiculous, now that he had to say it. "I tried to touch the trunk… Of the Willow." He looked imploringly at Sirius, silently begging him to either believe, or if that was impossible, not question him further.
"Well, we're glad to have you back." Sirius said, weakly. He offered Remus a kind smile before adding, "James is going to think you look cool."
Sirius and Remus kept each other company in the dormitory until late into the night. It took a while for Sirius to stop feeling surprised whenever he glanced at Remus' face and was unexpectedly met with the loud scars, but eventually they faded into the background and it was like nothing much had changed. Remus certainly hadn't, anyway. Sirius thought he was remarkably casual for someone who had recently been so brutally disfigured they'd had to miss over a week of school.
He remembered the scarred ankle.
Seems it isn't the first time.
And then, the part of his brain (that it seemed James Potter possessed as well) that clung to theories and spun them like yarn started ticking.
McGonagall said they weren't to visit him. Shafiq had stopped them from getting to the Hospital Wing. Remus wasn't bothered about the injury, and he'd been injured before.
Remus' mother was ill… and Remus had left before, to visit home.
Perhaps he hadn't been in the Hospital Wing at all? Perhaps McGonagall had sent Shafiq to make sure that no one would go over there and find out that Remus was nowhere to be found.
And it wasn't as though he'd never had the thought before, that if Remus' mother was ill, and he kept having to visit her around the full moons…
Surely she hadn't attacked him?
But that would mean…
Well, he couldn't attend Hogwarts, he'd have to be registered. He would probably have to surrender his wand.
Sirius pulled the breaks on his thoughts abruptly.
He didn't want Remus thinking about his secrets. He reminded himself of their wordless promise, and pushed the speculation deeper down where it hopefully wouldn't catch any light to grow.
He'd promised.
He intended to keep his silent word.
"What were you doing by the tree, anyway?" Sirius asked, if anything, to reinforce in his own mind that we're not going down that road.
"Oh!" Remus jumped, head snapping up from his book in alarm. He looked like a frightened rabbit. "Well, er, I'd heard rumours… yeah. There had been rumours about "if you touch the trunk of the Willow", you know? So I thought, well, I was on the grounds alone and it was right there…"
Sirius had heard the rumour about touching the trunk of a willow. It was something that had originated from wandlore, he was fairly sure. He was also fairly sure it was nonsense, but Remus might not know that.
He absently wondered if Snape would fall for it if he told him…
"What were you doing on the grounds, anyway? It's so cold. Can't think of anything I'd rather do less than take an evening walk."
This was a much easier lie. "Oh, I was going to visit the gamekeeper! He's nice!"
Sirius sat up properly, considering his classmate. "The half-giant?" He hoped he'd managed to keep the judgement out of his tone.
"Er, maybe? I hadn't really thought about it," Remus answered, truthfully now. Sirius didn't know how Remus couldn't have thought of it. The man was monstrous in a way that his mother would absolutely call "unnatural."
"There's a rumour that he was expelled for killing a student," said Sirius, conspiratorially. He'd heard it from his father. He recalled, in perfect detail, how furious the pair of them had been when they learned of Hagrid's appointment as groundskeeper. He was sure they'd written to Dumbledore to voice their complaints. In retrospect, he would be delighted to get his hands on the headmaster's response, if he did write back.
Remus had a touch of mirth in his bemused expression. "You are joking, aren't you?" The corners of his mouth were twitching, as though he were trying to stop himself from laughing in disbelief.
Sirius, unfortunately, had been deadly serious, and Remus' reaction threw him completely. So much so, that it took him a few seconds to adjust the angle from which to come at the topic, so as not to accidentally parrot some bigoted nonsense.
"Well, my parents weren't, when they were talking about it. But I don't just go believing everything they say." He hoped that was enough to fix it. "So, what's he like, then?"
Remus positively beamed. Sirius didn't recall ever seeing him look so delighted.
"Oh, he's great! I've only spoken to him a couple of times, but he's so friendly. And he knows loads about animals - he told me that there's unicorns in the forest!"
"Really?"
The Forbidden Forest was somewhere that Sirius had assumed was only forbidden due to the risk of children getting lost in it. He'd assumed the rumours of fantastical creatures were just students getting overexcited, but maybe there was some truth to it?
"Er, I think so. Don't see why he would lie-"
The dormitory door banged open and James burst in, with Peter close behind him. Sirius rolled his eyes at the dramatic entrance and at the pet lip James was sporting.
"What's the matter, did you lose?" he asked, innocently.
"Peter is a cheat," James whined, stomping over to his bed and kicking off his shoes.
"Untrue," Peter assured them cheerfully. He caught sight of movement by Remus' bed and his face lit up. "You're back!"
James turned too, pulled out of his moping by the sight of their friend.
"Remus! We have so much to show you!"
But Peter had faltered at the foot of Remus' bed, close enough to see into the shadow cast by the bedposts and furniture. James' enthusiasm melted at the look on Peter's face and he clambered over his own bed to join him.
"Surprise," Remus offered, awkwardly, forcing a smile. James just gaped for a moment, apparently waiting for his foolish thought generator to buffer, before splitting into a wide grin.
"Oh Remus, that looks so cool."
He would never have imagined, if he'd been forewarned about last week before he had started Hogwarts, that the morning after he would be laughing along with three friends after having nearly torn his own face off a week prior. But here he was.
Here he was, brushing his teeth, like he was normal. Here he was, with Sirius helping him fix his tie, like he was normal. And there he was, delightedly reviewing their hand-drawn maps of a magical castle, making faces out of food on his breakfast plate to amuse them, sitting by the fire completing homework with them, laughing and enjoying the company of friends, as though he were normal.
It had been more than he could have hoped for. The moons would pass, and the scars would accumulate regardless, and so, bolstered by the steadfastness of his dorm-mates and the earnest promises of his secret-keeper, he breathed out and relaxed.
Perhaps he really was safe here, amongst friends.
Thank you for reading, as always.
Feel free to fuel my fire with a comment or two any time :)