"So." 'Wow, you'd never know I'm a genius.' Willow thought. "You're choosing Cordelia." Once the two old friends were settled on the bleachers.

"Yes, if she'll have me after I confess. Kissing you should never have happened, Willow and that's on me. I know you have feelings for me, I've known it for years. I've also known I don't share those feelings. Which means hormones had nothing to do with why I kissed you. I don't know If I can actually articulate which fear or fears exactly are responsible, but I know that's why it happened. And it can't happen again, not even if Cordy and I break up, because my feelings aren't going to change, I'm never going to see you as anything more than my best friend. My best living friend."

"Jesse being your best dead friend." Willow knew. "I think I took advantage of your fears, Xander. Things have been going really good relationship wise for both of us and I know that had to be freaking you out. Making you wonder if you were going to do something to screw it up and I have had feelings for you for a long time. I should never have asked you to help me get ready for Homecoming or to practice dancing with me. I set up a situation where it was easy for something to happen and I wanted something to happen because I've had feelings for you. I'm not sure if Magic contributed to it, but I'm not going to blame that, I'm going to take responsibility for my actions, just like you are. I made it easy for something to happen because I wanted something to happen and something did. A kiss, which we both regret."

"I really don't want to hurt you, Willow, but giving you hope for something that isn't possible would just hurt you more."

"Yes, it would and it's okay, it frees me to move on, completely and that's what I'm going to do. Confess to Oz and hope he'll forgive me and give me a chance to fully commit to him. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, go ahead."

"What if I'm your life mate?"

"I have no fricking clue if I've got or could have one, Will. But I know this, I don't want it to be you. And I'm sorry if that hurts you, but I'd never be able to accept it. I just don't see you like that."

"Yeah, as much as you don't want to hurt me, being so thoroughly rejected still hurts. But we can still try to salvage our friendship. I've got to go, I've got class."

"I have a bag of blood calling my name. Actually, Willow, there's something I need you to do."

"Anything."

"Make me a new identity. Alexander Harris, nearly 18 years old is gone. I need papers and ID that say I'm Alexander Harris, age 25."

"Not a problem, I'll get to work on it after classes let out for the day. What about Cordelia?"

"What about her?"

"What if she's your life mate? Are you going to try to read her mind to find out if she is?"

"Not unless she asks me to, I won't take her choices from her. It's her choice if she wants me in her life and her choice if she wants me to try to read her mind. I don't intend to read or try to control anyone if I can help it."

"I'm not sure it's an option, I'll read the books and find out what they have to say about the ability. Anyway, I'll see you later."

"You too." Xander watched Willow head back into the school and knew, their friendship was never going to be the same. It couldn't, not after everything that had happened. But maybe some semblance of friendship could be retained. They'd just have to see. He headed back to the Crawford Street Mansion and popped a bag of blood on his teeth. The sunlight really did make the hunger come on and he hoped to God, he never had to feed from a human directly because he wasn't sure he'd stay sane if he did. This seriously sucked.

"You can go out in the sun." Angel observed, jealously.

"Those nanites things are working and I can tell they're working. Sunlight really does cause some sort of damage that they feel the need to deal with. And that makes me hungry. It's a trade off, I guess. I need the Holy Comfort Food known as a Twinkie, but I'm going to wait until after dark before going grocery shopping. Cordy's coming over after school and we're going to need to have a conversation that may get loud."

"I'll use the sewer entrance and go to Willy's."

"Thanks, I appreciate it. I wonder just how much damage I can recover from and how much blood it takes?"

"You think Cordelia is going to get violent?"

"It's a distinct possibility. And no, I'm not planning on breaking up with her. She might decide otherwise though. I'll be in my room until she gets here."

"I'll send her up and then head to Willy's. I might stop at the library and talk to Giles, I've been thinking about your suggestion about a fail-safe. I'd still like to explore the possibility of finding a way to be human again, but a fail-safe that protects my soul is a good idea."

"If you do manage to become human again, it'll make Buffy happy. But it could take you years."

"And Buffy's a Slayer, she might not have years. I know and letting her go to have as much of a life as possible is the right thing to do. Sometimes I hate the right thing,"

"Tell me about it. The right thing can hurt, no matter how much you don't want to hurt anyone." Xander headed up to his room to wait for Cordelia.