WELCOME MY FRIENDS AND FOES TO THE THIRTY NINTH EDITION OF THE LARGEST STORY IN THE EXISTENCE OF THE BATTLE CATS FANFICS, THE BATTLE CATS: X! THE KICK-ASS STORY BASED OFF OF THE HIT MOBILE GAME. THIS IS ALSO THE FINAL EPISODE OF THE EIGHTH ARC OF THE SERIES, THE LEGENDARY CAT SWORD ARC, SO I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS ARC FINALE!
It was a wild day over in Argentina, as The Battle Act are preparing for one of their most epic battles in existence. Bob is doing some basic bench presses with a giant log found in a nearby forest. Cat is lifting some homemade weights. Tank Cat is doing some sit ups. Axe Cat is slicing random things with his axe. Gross Cat is throwing items towards Axe Cat for him to slice. Cow Cat is running across the backyard. Bird Cat is flying within the trees. Fish Cat is swimming in a nearby river, Lizard Cat is doing some stretches. Bean Cats are tossing their bean pod around. And Titan Cat is sleeping on a chair outside.
Gross Cat: Say, who here wants to wake up Titan Cat for shits and giggles? he smirks as he begins approaching the sleeping Cat
Tank Cat: Wait, Titan Cat is asleep!? How is that even possible? Usually he's constantly keeping at least one of his two eyes open. Making sure we all stay safe.
Axe Cat: Yeah, nice talking there, you big softie. he cackles as he nudges Tank Cat
Tank Cat: Hey, I'm not a big softie! Who lent you the right to insult me directly to the face?
Axe Cat: Gross Cat did. he shrugs as he lies down on the grass
Gross Cat: HEY, WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SNITCH ON ME FOR? I mean... NO I DIDN'T! He's on something, Tank Cat, don't believe him.
Cat: Listen here, buddy, who gave you permission to insult Tank Cat.
Gross Cat: Oh shut the hell up! he scoffs as he crosses his arms I'm going to wake up Titan Cat.
Bob: Hey, are you guys waking up the giant ass Cat? he smirks as he approaches them I'll take the blame for you.
Gross Cat: Bob, you're such a saint! Even more of a Saint than Bird Cat is.
Bird Cat: he pounces on Gross Cat Excuse me, but who on earth would consider me as a "priest"? he glares at everyone in confusion Bob, did you ask him to say such a thing?
Bob: WHY THE HELL ARE YOU POINTING FINGERS AT ME FOR? I didn't say anything.
Cat: It's true, Bob stayed quiet, he knew speaking up would cause some commotion.
Bob: See? That's what I'm saying! Now, where were we? he looks around with confusion
Bean Cat L: I don't want to be that person that interrupts everything, but, I'm pretty sure Gross Cat is already slapping Titan Cat awake.
Gross Cat: RISE AND SHINE, YOU GIGANTIC BASTARD! he cackles away before giving Titan Cat a good slap to wake him up
Titan Cat: AGH! he falls onto the floor and looks visibly startled and pissed off Who the fuck did that? Gross Cat, was it you?
Gross Cat: Lizard Cat did it. he points at Lizard Cat as he backs away
Lizard Cat: Wait, WHY AM I SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR SCAPEGOAT!?
Fish Cat: Ooh, Lizard Cat's in trouble! he cackles away as he nudges him
Lizard Cat: IT CLEARLY ISN'T ME, JACKASS. he pokes him right in the nose repeatedly
Fish Cat: OKAY, I GET IT! Why do you have to be so mean about it though? he whimpers as he backs away
Titan Cat: Gross Cat, you are so dead.
Bob: he flicks his toothpick as he puts his hand on Titan Cat's shoulder It was me you slapped you awake. Punish me instead. he grins as he backs away looking innocent
All the Cats simultaneously: I'M PRETTY SURE WE ALL KNOW WHO REALLT DID IT!
Bob: Eu tentei... (I tried...) he sighs in defeat
Gross Cat: OH SHIT! I'm sorry, I just wanted to do a light hearted prank on you. Please don't hit me...
Titan Cat: Alright... here it comes, you dumbass. This is for waking me up.
Titan Cat is about to send a punch right into Gross Cat's face. Gross Cat flinches in fear as the fist comes near him. But before he was hit, Titan Cat stops his fist, only a singular inch away from Gross Cat's face. He lowers his fist as he smirks.
Titan Cat: I suppose I'll leave you off the hook, since you apologized AND asked politely not to hit you. Consider this as a warning though.
Gross Cat: Phew! Thanks a million, Titan Cat, I appreciate it a lot. I promise to never hit you a- he gets interrupted as Cow Cat rushes into him and head butts him by accident, he goes flying into the Cat Base as he result WAH!
Cow Cat: Oh, hey guys! What's up? What did I miss? he smirks as he rests on the grass
Bob: A lot... he smirks as he puts a hand on Cow Cat's shoulder Some of it involving you.
Cow Cat: he's completely oblivious to the whole situation Really, were you guys talking about me? Were you insulting me behind my back!?
Bird Cat: Negative, Cow Cat, what really occurred is our dear friend G- he interrupts himself after realizing everyone left Hey! Wait for my acquaintance. I never even got to explain the context of the situation in a "nutshell" as many say. he sighs as he flies into The Cat Base
Titan Cat: Never mind, I guess Gross Cat actually did get punished after all! he smirks away as he goes inside
Cat: So, are we all going to fall asleep? Or are we actually going to try and obtain this treasure!?
Tank Cat: Off topic, but I suppose it makes sense on how the treasure variants are of Beef, considering Argentina having the BEST steaks in existence.
Cow Cat: Eh, Tank Cat, I'm right here, buddy. he puts a hoof on his shoulder
Tank Cat: Everybody except you eats beef around here, and you should know that!
Cow Cat: IT'S NOT LIKE THE CASE WITH FISH CAT AND THE FISH BEING DIFFERENT! All cows are the same.
Fish Cat: Then how come there's brown cows, and ones with black spots, and even plain white ones?
Cow Cat: I MEANT WE'RE ALL THE SAME SPECIES, YOU SPASTIC!
Titan Cat: I'm going outside, I can't deal with you brats. Come and follow me, if you wish.
Bean Cat R: Oh shit! I believe we really pissed him off! he giggles as he watches Titan Cat walk away
Bob: Well, I suppose it's not the first time this kind of thing happened. he shudders as he looks at him
Titan Cat: You know I can hear you guys. Am I wrong? he slowly turns back as he looks at them all
Bob and Bean Cat R simultaneously: YOU'RE RIGHT! Titan Cat sir!
Lizard Cat: This is turning out to be a lot scarier than I thought it would be. he sighs I suppose I should go on ahead and check out this funny little enemy base.
Lizard Cat rushes ahead of everyone and checks out The Enemy Base. It is a stereotypical Argentinian base based off of the legendary football player and manager, Diego Maradona! It is a cartoonish design of him in a manager suit with a white tie. He is giving a thumbs up and is looking professional. On his left foot, a football is underneath. It is a really detailed base, considering it is made out of wood.
Axe Cat: Hey! We should all play football together someday, it will be epic. he cackles away as he approaches the Enemy Base
Titan Cat: I don't remember the last time I touched a ball. I'm guessing years ago.
Bob: Imagine instead of fighting, we all just have one gigantic football match. Quão engraçado isso seria? (How funny would that be?)
Cat: Heh... I could imagine it! Now, let's go ahead and spy on these enemies, I'm dying to find out that they're talking about.
Tank Cat: Me too! Is it something interesting and juicy? Or are they talking about something basic? I'M SO EXCITED, I CAN'T THINK STRAIGHT!
Inside the Enemy Base, the enemies are all doing everything BUT preparing to take down The Battle Act once and for all.Sir Seal and Squire Rel are counting up items that they have to afford some purchases, Jackie Peng is hiding in his room for an unspecified reason, Gory is drinking some coffee as he is playing online poker. Doge and Those Guys are wrestling one another on the ground, and Snache just watches in amusement.
That Guy A: When I say "Show's over!" You say "encore!". SHOW'S OVER!
Those Guys B and C simultaneously: ENCORE!
That Guy A: SHOW'S OVER!
Those Guys B and C simultaneously: ENCORE!!
Doge: Don't take this shit personal or anything, but what the hell are you three saying?
That Guy C: I was saying encore, he was saying show's over- gets interrupted by That Guy B
That Guy B: Actually, I said encore, it was him who said Show's Over.
That Guy A: GOD DAMN IT! Apart from these birthmarks, we all look identical.
Snache: I have a piece of advice for you three. he smirks as he looks at them all
That Guy A: Huh? What is it? he scratches his head in confusion
Snache: Give me two seconds! he rushes right upstairs and gathers some water colors Okay, all I want the three of you to do is to stand still, and not move a muscle.
Doge: They're not made out of scales, or paper! So there's no way their skins will be capable of handling all that paper paint.
That Guy B: WHAT!? No, I'm scared... don't do this to our skin, Snache.
Snache: STAND STILL! he grumbles as he begins to paint their entire faces, That Guy A being red, That Guy B being yellow, and That Guy C being blue There, all done!
That Guy C: Wow! I look like a glob of goo! I can't wait to scare Jackie Peng with this. he giggles as he rushes upstairs
That Guy B: I look like a noodle. he checks out his arms and legs
That Guy A: AND I LOOK LIKE A BURNT NOODLE! he cackles away as he looks at himself
Doge: So, is this what happens when you leave a toddler alone with his baby brothers?
Snache: You're not funny, Doge. he scoffs as he slithers away, proud of his coloring skills on the stickmen
That Guy C rushes towards Jackie Peng and scares him. Jackie Peng squawks as he tumbled over. He glares at him, but begins laughing the second he learns who it is, and what happened to him.
Jackie Peng: HAHAHAHAHAHA! Jackie Peng is going to piss himself... why are you painted like that!?
That Guy C: I am blue now, do you have a problem with it?
Jackie Peng: Who did this to you? You look like a blue raspberry flavored string!
That Guy C: I know! Cool, right? Anyways Snache did this to me, because he is an awesome and cool dude. And he knows exactly how to make me look cool. Anyways, what were you doing all alone in your room, you look tired.
Jackie Peng: I FINISHED CHOP KICK PENGUIN 4! Jackie Peng is checking to see if it is good enough, or if I should add or remove scenes. After all, they refused put any of my films into the movie theater, so Jackie Peng is doing Direct to VHS!
That Guy C: he gasps GUYS! GUYS! GUYS! he rushes downstairs alongside Jackie Peng
Jackie Peng: WAIT UP! Jackie Peng lost all energy after producing the movie.
Gory: What do you... he cackles loudly WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE THAT?
Sir Seal: Huh? What do they w- he sees That Guy C, and eventually, Those Guys A and B HAHAHAHAHA! Oh, is this some sort of prank?
Squire Rel: What befell hither? And why doth Those Guys appear to look like rainbows? she giggles away at the sight
Jackie Peng: I suppose it was a bad time to announce the release of Chop Kick Penguin 4, huh?
Every enemy except That Guy C and Jackie Peng simultaneously: YOU FINISHED CHOP KICK PENGUIN 4!?
Doge: This is such an epic day today! Aw, imagine the look on the enemies' faces when they hear the news.
Jackie Peng: They should be buying all of Jackie Peng's movies! Especially the prequel. Which contains me as a baby chick, which is a gigantic attraction for Facebook moms to be watching my movie.
Sir Seal: Ah, I forgot all about those God Damn films! Anyways, let's get out there and kick some enemies right in the ass. Before they come up and kick OURS!
Gory: Right, let's just get a move on already, they could be coming right after us at any second now. he shakes his head before making his way outside
Snache: Hey! Wait for us you selfish gorilla. We were all busy admiring Jackie Peng's new movie! he shakes his head before making his way outside
Eventually, all of the enemies make their way outside. They all take a moment to regain their seriousness after looking at Those Guys. Before long, The Battle Act notice Those Guys and they begin to laugh at the sight in front of them. To everyone's surprise.
Bob: Oh shit! I think I'm about to pass out. What the hell are Those Guys doing looking like rainbow spaghetti.
Snache: Hey! Just for the record, I painted them with my water colors. Because That Guy A was complaining about how they all look way too different. I decided to do something nice for them, and paint their bodies to make them appear completely different from one another.
That Guy A: And he did a damn good job at making us look as accurate as possible.
Tank Cat: Wow Snache, I didn't know you had proper face paint or makeup! You surely made them look like completely different people.
Snache: Uh yeah... face paint... makeup... yeah. he backs away in guilt
Gory: Okay, we've been going off track for way too long now! It is time for us to kick these enemies right in the ass. We're going to kick them so hard, to the point where they'll be struggling to differentiate between Those Guys despite their color change.
Axe Cat: Hold up, since That Guy A is now Red, does that mean our anti-Red abilities will work on him?
That Guy A: WHAT!? he gulps in fear Snache, why didn't you paint me Green or something?
Snache: I don't know, leave me alone. he sighs in fear and dissatisfaction
Sir Seal: Well, I suggest that we begin kicking their asses already, before they can kick ours at least. After all, Bean Cats will come into my clutch soon enough.
Bean Cat L: Oh, give it up already, Sir Seal! You're not getting your flippers on us.
Sir Seal: What did you say? you little runt, SAY IT TO MY FACE!
Squire Rel: she shakes before speaking up Uh oh, this isn't good, may we just commence the fight already?
Jackie Peng: That is what I'm saying! But nobody listens to Jackie Peng. They are always busy on their smartphones during Thanksgiving! I'm referring to the people over in Hollywood, by the way.
Squire Rel: I receive I already understood what thou just quoth.
That Guy B: I'm ready whenever you guys are.
Fish Cat: OH YEAH! TIME TO BRING ON THE GOD DAMN ACTION! I've been waiting for this moment ever since yesterday's fight finished.
And just like that, The mother fucking Battle Begins! Sir Seal and Bob chase into one another and clash into each other to start the battle! Bob starts off his attack by whacking him right in the face. This results in Sir Seal stumbling backwards as he gets injured from the attack. He responds by rushing right into Bob and biting deeply into his chest. This results in Bob bleeding out from his chest as it gets crushed from the impact. He coughs up some blood as he collapses onto the ground.
Sir Seal: he chuckles loudly No need to flatter yourself. I know what I did was rather special and unpredictable. There's no need to remind me all about it.
Bob: he groans as he stands himself up I'm not going to let some idiot like yourself tell me what I can and cannot do, for I am Roberto Mourinho Jablovskyy, the same man who turned you into nothing.
Sir Seal: he chuckles loudly Oh, I forgot all about that. Yeah, I suppose that is true when you begin to word it like that. he sighs But I hope you do realize, I pale in comparison to the likes of other enemies, such as Mooth, and the few enemies you will be meeting up with. So, keep that in mind.
Bob: Oh, fuck you and your little egotistical mindset! he grumbles as he flicks his toothpick I can feel some nerves beginning to bulge in my forehead. And it is all thanks to you. Eu deveria ter matado tu na primeira chance que tive. (I should have murdered you the first chance I had)
Sir Seal: You're a funny little idiot. I'll give you that. Especially when you are speaking in Portuguese, now, THAT is peak comedy.
Bob: What the fuck did you just say about my language? he raises an eyebrow as he glares at Sir Seal
Sir Seal: Well, what I meant to say is, that it is... fun?
Bob:he approaches him and pounds his fists together Don't play dumb with me. I know exactly what you meant. Now, prepare to have your ass kicked.
Sir Seal: Oh shit... this is not good, now. Is it? he begins to shake as he cowers under his flippers
Bob rushes towards Sir Seal and pounds him right in the face. This results in him stumbling backwards as he receives the impact. Sir Seal smirks as he begins to rush right into Bob. And he bites down onto him. This results in his left shoulder to spew out blood as it gets crushed from his sharp talons.
Bob: You sick bastard, how did you manage to look through that attack attempt of mine? he stutters as he looks at the seal in confusion
Sir Seal: What can I say? I'm a literal mastermind! Especially since the whole world loves me for who I am. I know what people want, so I give it to them, now, you should know what I want, so you should give it to ME! he smacks down Bob and crushes him
Bob: AGH! I'm not going to let you beat me. I always beat you runts in every fight I'be partaken in. SO YOU BETTER BE READY TO GET HIT!
Bob grabs Sir Seal and flings him down right onto the ground. This results in Sir Seal's head to get crushed from the impact as it begins to bleed out as he goes unconscious. Bob just smirks at the sight as he lets him go. He gives him a kick to guarantee his unconsciousness, before walking away from the scene.
Bob: Well, I suppose that was pretty satisfactory result. Now, I suppose I should try and find the others.
Meanwhile, Titan Cat is going up against Squire Rel in a one on one battle. Squire Rel dashes right onto Titan Cat's right foot and begins to repeatedly bite into it. This results in Titan Cat's foot to bleed out from the impact as it gets crushed. As a response, Titan Cat slams his foot onto the ground, flattening Squire Rel in the process, causing her back to be crushed as she begins to spew out blood.
Titan Cat: You're so predictable, it's genuinely embarrassing when you really think about it. he shakes his head as he looks at her
Squire Rel: she coughs up some blood as she looks up at Titan Cat How dare thou!? Thou shall pay for that!
Titan Cat: Really? Do you really believe that I should pay for just fighting you? That is really humiliating. he rubs his forehead in irritation I should of brought a cigarette. I believe it is time for your ass to get kicked.
Squire Rel: Thou very are the worst! she scoffs before rushing into him once more
Titan Cat looks down onto Squire Rel before slamming his fist right onto her body. She ends up being crushed under the impact as she tries to nibble at his hand to escape. Titan Cat just smirks away at the sight he created for himself.
Squire Rel: WHAT IS THY PURPOSE? she coughs up some blood as she looks up at him Thou should'st suffer as an issue.
Titan Cat: Oh give it up already, jackass, you know damn well that you donor stand a chance against me, so why even bother raising up to my level in the first place!
Squire Rel: It is because I hast a lot to work with hither. she sighs as she gets up
Titan Cat: Well, I don't give a shit. It's Argentina, and I'm here to obtain some god damn treasure here. he smirks before proceeding to punch Squire Rel once more, she eventually goes unconscious from the impact Now, I suppose I should get out of here and look for the others. he shrugs as he lights up a cigarette Turns out I do have one...
Elsewhere, Bean Cats are going up against Snache. They begin to approach him and slam him down with their bean pod. This results in Snache being slammed back as he coughs up blood from the impact. He grumbles as he rushes right into them and bites right into their bean pod, as he glares into their eyes.
Bean Cat R: Hey, knock it off! And get off our Bean Pod for crying out loud. I swear we are going to beat the living fuck out of you.
Snache: Huh? What do you mean you are going to beat the living fuck out of me? he rolls his eyes You two are special, I'll give you that.
Bean Cat L: Hey, listen here! Water colors, we are really honest when we say this, go fuck yourself, and accept the facf you lost! Because we know damn well how to beat the hell out of bastards like yourself. he smirks
Snache: Yeah, got it. he shrugs as he slithers towards them But now, it is my turn to show you something unique! I am going to bite down onto you dimwits and show you what happens when you mess with someone like me.
Bean Cats simultaneously: OH NO YOU DON'T! they nod as they bounce right onto the poor snake and flatten him TAKE THAT!
Snache: Agh! Get off me you vile felines, I did not give you permission to just slam down onto me like that.
Bean Cat R: Heh, we got him good, buddy, we got him good.
Snache: he squirms around under the Bean Pod This is happening way too often for my liking. YOU TWO SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES. Normalizing predicable but inhumane attack methods. he hisses before biting right into the bean pod, causing it to have bite marks
Bean Cat L: OUR BEAN POD! Shit, this is what happens when we day dream or lose focus.
Bean Cat R: Okay, do you know what that means? NEVER, LOSE, FOCUS! Make sure that these enemies will get what's coming to them, no matter what anyone says.
Snache: Heh, I consider that to be... suave revenge. he winks before backing away
Bean Cat L: Quickly, slam into him! Before he gets away. he gulps in fear as he slaps Bean Cat R across the face, signaling his desire to get a move on
Snache: Oh damn it... I think I'm in a pretty shitty position, right? he speaks out loud to himself, as he looks for potential aid that might be present to help him out
Bean Cat R: Oh, just give it up already! We have you right where we want you... and there is nothing you can do about it. he smirks away as he approaches him
Snache: Okay, fine, I suppose that means you got me. Now let's get this shit over with, so I don't have of bother with you guys ever again. he rolls his eyes before whipping their faces with his tail, which results in their faces to have cuts that are bleeding across their cheeks
Bean Cat L: Come on, let's show him how we rumbled around here. He is not going go expect any moves that we give him.
Bean Cats giggle away before grabbing their Bean Pod and whacking Snache with it. This results in Snache to go flying out as he bashes his head onto a rock and bleeds out from the overall impact. He goes unconscious shortly afterwards.
Bean Cat L: Well, I didn't expect that to happen, but, it's far better than nothing!
Bean Cat R: Yeah, we reallyshowed him how we rumble. he smirks away as he bounces away on his bean pod alongside Bean Cat L
Meanwhile, Tank Cat and Axe Cat are fighting against Gory. Gory begins by rushing into the both of them and whacking their heads in. This results in their foreheads to bleed as the impact is too drastic for them to handle. Axe Cat fight back by grabbing his axe and slashing Gory across the feet with them. This results in Gory bleeding from the knees down as they get crushed from the impact. And Tank Cat decides to double down by bashing right into Gory's abdomen. Which results in Gory being pushed back and stumbling backwards.
Tank Cat: Heh, that that, you gigantic ape! he giggles as he watches Gory stumble onto the ground
Gory: You clearly never learnt a thing around here. Jackasses like yourself deserve to get beaten into pieces.
Axe Cat: So you're basically saying, you should get beaten into pieces. Because you're a jackass, so you deserve it.
Tank Cat: Woah, Axe Cat! I didn't know you had the courage to diss Gory like that. he is shocked as he looks at Gory, who is visibly fuming
Gory: You're not funny. And I'm proud to announce, you'll never be funny, at all. he grumbles as he turns away
Axe Cat: I'm not trying to be funny. he shrugs his shoulders as he nudges Gory with his axe
Gory: Well, if that's the case, then what are you trying to be? he raises an eyebrow as he looks down onto Axe Cat with confusion, but genuine interest
Axe Cat: I'm trying to be a fighter who isn't afraid of showing off a bit of attitude. he smirks as he looks at Gory
Gory: Oh... WELL YOU FAIL AT THAT TOO! So give it up already.
Tank Cat: Excuse me! But Axe Cat does not fail at being a fighter, he can easily beat you in a fight if he really puts in the effort.
Gory: Is that so? he raises an eyebrow as he looks down onto him
Tank Cat: Oh you bet your rear he is! He is surely one of a kind, and you're just too scared to admit that. So just back away already.
Gory: No, you actual idiot. I refuse to back away from a fight, especially one as eye smacking as the one we are having at the moment.
Axe Cat: What is that even supposed to mean? he sighs as he looks at Gory
Gory: It means that I actually have BALLS in comparison to the two of you! he growls as he glares at them
Tank Cat: Shut it! I believe you have spoken. Now it is our turn to deliver our attacks onto you.
Axe Cat: (Woah... I didn't think Tank Cat would even say "Shut it", I guess I'm wrong!) YEAH, LET'S KICK HIS ASS! he smirks as he draws out his axe Allow Matilda to lead the way.
The two of them rush right into Gory in hopes of taking him down! Tank Cat head butts Gory's neck before he could even respond. This results in Gory stumbling backwards as his neck bleeds out from the impact. Axe Cat doubles down on the fight by slashing Gory right across the face, this results in Gory's mouth and nose to bleed out as he grabs his face in pain.
Gory: AGH! You mad bastards, I'll get you two for that. he grumbles as he walks towards them
Axe Cat: he wipes some blood off his forehead before speaking up If you ever stain Matilda, consider yourself dead.
Gory: METAL CAN'T EVEN GET STAINED VIA LIQUID! Blood will not ruin your precious "Matilda".
Tank Cat: It's true! Blood can't stain metal, so you should be sorted.
Gory: Thank you Tank Cat, you really showed him what common sense looks like. And I really appreciate that. he smirks as he nods his head
Axe Cat: Oh screw this! I'm just going to bust you up to get this shit done and dusted with. he slashes his axe across Gory's chest, which causes a large would to spew out blood, and for Gory to land on the floor unconscious Come on, Tank Cat, we have a bunch more enemies to take care of.
Tank Cat: he snaps out of his trance R-right! Let's get going. he runs away alongside Axe Cat
Someplace else, Fish Cat and Cow Cat are going up against Jackie Peng. The latter starts off the attack by sprinting towards them and bashes them with his beak. This results in Cow Cat to be bleeding from his abdomen as his utters begin to bleed. And Fish Cat begins to bleed right under his jaw from the impact of the attack.
Fish Cat: Oh, there is no way we're letting this dumbass bird get away with that.
Cow Cat: Mhm! He really should be careful when fighting, he may never know when he actually plays with the devil with all the risks he is pulling off.
Jackie Peng: JACKIE PENG IS HIGHLY CONFUSED RIGHT NOW! I just wanted to show off new movie. CHOP KICK PENGUIN 4! Check it out, it is a really good movie. Jackie Peng will ask Hollywood producers to allow the movie to make it into public.
Fish Cat: Oh, I see how it is, you're promoting your new movie to us! Now, isn't that epic, Cow Cat? I WANT TO SEE IT ONCE IT RELEASES TO THE PUBLIC.
Cow Cat: I suppose we could watch the movie once it comes out. he shrugs But for now, we have to act like the antagonists and beat the hell out of him.
Jackie Peng: OH NO! Jackie Peng does not like this. Not one bit! No no no! he gulps in fear as he backs away
Cow Cat: he tends to his bleeding udders YOU BUSTED UP MY CROTCH! I am going to get your ass for that. And it is not going to be pretty.
Fish Cat: And I will do the same, not for the same reason though. I don't give a shit that my jaw is bleeding. Because I LOVE beating the shit out of anyone for the sake of it.
Jackie Peng: he points at Cow Cat YOU, ARE AN ANGRY PERSON! he points at Fish Cat AND YOU, ARE A CRAZY PERSON! he shivers in fear
Fish Cat: Oh, fuck you! Your opinion does not matter in this case! Do you know why?
Jackie Peng: Why?
Fish Cat: Because I am incredibly strong and durable, while Cow Cat is fast and agile. What are you?
Jackie Peng: I believe I am... strong?
Cow Cat: Oh yeah, can your Kung Fu do any strong damage to me? hit me! he cackles as he lets himself get hit
Jackie Peng: As a matter of fact, Jackie Peng WILL hit you! This is for all the shit you did to him! he spits on the floor before whacking Cow Cat right in the face, this results in his jaw to bleed out as his face gets bruised up Eat Penguin, Cow Cat.
Cow Cat: he smirks as he raises an eyebrow Is that really all you got? My friend, just admit that you can't fight, so we can all call this a night.
Fish Cat: Maybe he's far too scared to be messing with facts! he cackles away as he stares at him
Jackie Peng: I AM NOT SCARED OF YOU TWO! he squawks as he approaches them
Fish Cat: he scoffs Prove it, dude. I am really having a hard time believing you.
Jackie Peng: COME AT JACKIE PENG AND TAKE HIM DOWN! he rushes towards Fish Cat
Fish Cat doesn't take the moment for granted as he bites down right into Jackie Peng. He ends up being bit right into his chest. Blood spews all over his torso, back, and face as he gets pierced by Fish Cat's sharp talons. He goes unconscious almost instantly as he goes onto the floor covered in drool. Cow Cat speaks up.
Cow Cat: Jumping Tunafish! You really showed him what's up, eh, Fish Cat?
Fish Cat: Damn right I did! And it was only possible with the help of you, and your cheesy little quotes.
The two cackle away as they make their way out of there. Meanwhile, Cat and Gross Cat are taking on Doge in an epic battle. Cat starts off the attack by pouncing right onto Doge and biting right into his chest. This results in blood spewing out of his chest as he struggles to maintain his balance. Gross Cat doubles down by slapping Doge right across the face behind him. This results in Doge being knocked down as he struggles to get up.
Doge: he sighs as he barely manages to get up Okay, screw you two! I don't even know what I did wrong to deserve this bullshit.
Cat: Well, just by existing, really! he giggles as he nudges Doge After all, this is a battle.
Gross Cat: Exactly, people go through tremendous shit, for the sake of the battle alone! You just need to learn how to deal with it. Now Cat, meat shield for me real quick as I begin to attack Doge.
Cat: What? No! There is no way I am being your meat shield!
Doge: Uhh, what the actual fuck did I stumble myself into? I don't remember diving into this rabbit hole.
Gross Cat: Just take the damage from Doge's hits! Trust me, it's not hard.
Cat: I know it's not "hard", I JUST DON'T WANT TO DO IT! DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND ME WHEN I SAY THIS? Do you want me to spell it out!?
Doge: Yeah... I'm just going to go... he is about to back away when Cat caught him Ugh, now what?
Cat: Can you help me out with something real quick, please? he grabs his face and stares into his eyes
Doge: OKAY, FINE! But only because you were hurting my head there.
Gross Cat: What the FUCK are you two planning? he appears to be concerned and slightly scared as he backs away
Cat: This! he grabs Doge and flings him onto Gross Cat, to both of their surprise
Doge: OW! I DID NOT AGREE TO THIS! he groans as he rubs his head
Gross Cat: CAT! What the fuck was that for? You dumbass bitch!
Cat: That's for forcing me to be your meat shield! he scoffs as he walks away
Gross Cat: Who gives a shit? Well, apart from you, I could tell hundreds upon thousands of shits were given. AND GET OFF ME! he shoves Doge off him
Doge: Ow! Damn, I should of used that opportunity to bite you.
Gross Cat: Too late! Now... stand still...
Doge: OH NOOO! he tries to run away, but Gross Cat outruns him and grabs him, and flings him onto Cat
Cat: AGH! Gross Cat! I'm going to get you for that. he grumbles before seeing Doge at such a close proximity, he blushes as he lowers his head And get out of my face Doge. he sighs before pushing him away
Doge: IT'S NOT MY FAULT! he groans as he is pushed onto the ground
Cat: I know it isn't, but let me deal with Gross Cat here. And we can talk, alright? he giggles as he strokes Doge's ear, which causes him to melt into the ground in calmness
Doge: Alright... you go ahead and do that...
Cat smirks before rushing right into Gross Cat to give him a piece of his mind. Elsewhere, Bird Cat and Lizard Cat are left with the responsibility of fighting against Those Guys. Bird Cat is meat shielding for Lizard Cat. Those Guys all rush towards Lizard Cat and pounce onto him. And they all begin slapping him and kicking him. Fighting in the least respectful way possible.
Lizard Cat: Agh! he coughs up some blood as he glares at Bird Cat Hey, how come you weren't helping me out there!? he glares at Bird Cat in confusion and offense
Bird Cat: My sincere apologies, Lizard Cat. I was focusing on finding a perfect method of taking down Those Guys! I hope you don't mind, I was only trying to be helpful here.
Lizard Cat: God damn it! Well, can you at least help me deal with them? If you can do that, I promise to leave you alone.
That Guy A: It's rather ironic how no Anti-Red Cat went after me! I feel so relieved.
Lizard Cat: Say... he whispers into his ear Do you want me to call Fish Cat and bring him over here? he smirks as he backs away
That Guy A: OH NO! I don't want that at all. You don't know what I want, so stop pretending that you do!
That Guy C: What the hell did you say to him? The poor guy must be so worried now.
That Guy B: I'm pretty sure he told him he was going to call an Anti-Red Cat, I'm not sure which one though, but he definitely said it. And I don't want to call it quits.
Bird Cat: Well, according to my hypothesis, you three seem completely oblivious to my presence, despite grabbing my wings and flinging me backwards! You three should really notify that I am here too.
That Guy B: Okay, HI BIRD CAT! I'm your biggest fan, can I have your autograph.
Bird Cat: he blushes as he lets out a chuckle Well, I never meant talk to me like that, however, I suppose I could offer such signature you desire.
That Guy B: Cool! Then you can go ahead and beat us up, and take the Beef treasure variants out of the Diego Maradona base.
That Guy A: Don't let the enemies get away with a victory! he grumbles as he shoves him
Bird Cat: EXCUSE ME! But I believe I was in the process of offering one of your colleagues a signature, so back away, and let the process happen. he pounces on That Guy, which causes him to stumble backwards and bash his head against a rock, which causes his head to bleed out Okay, what shall I sign, and to whom may the signature be assigned?
That Guy B: Sign my head! And make it out to... MOM! She'll love it.
Lizard Cat: Ah, tell me more about your mothers sometime fellas, I heard they're rich.
That Guy C: Only my dad is rich. My mother is a gold digger! But I love my mama and my dada!
Lizard Cat: he wraps his tail around him Right... good to know.
That Guy B: And make it say... "To which the internet really improved our lives, you were just being rubbish, love, Your Son!"
Bird Cat: My sincerest apologies, however, all you will be receiving is a signature on your head. Are you sure you desire such signature? As it could really pose ink poisoning, on top of you being painted with Water colors! You could get really ill.
That Guy B: YEAH! DO IT ALREADY! I want to show off my celebrity signature.
Bird Cat: If that is what you wish, allow me to serve it to you, faster than a light switch. he smiles as he writes his signature, unlike Bob's, it is a proper signature which can be used on contracts and professional confirmations There we go!
That Guy B: he appears to be weak and nauseous Yippee! he walks away, before turning to Lizard Cat and throwing up on him
Lizard Cat: OH GOD! Bird Cat, your admirer is pulling his lunch out of his stomach onto me! he shakes in disgust as he tries to shake off the vomit
That Guy B: My face feels funny. he passes out and goes unconscious
It seems That Guy B's skin got overwhelmed, as the paint from the water colors, and the ink from the signature, are not designed to be applied onto a mammal's flesh. Yes, stickmen are warm blooded, just like Humans and many other animals.And he passed out and got nauseous over ink poisoning. Those Guys A and C begin to run away in fear.
Lizard Cat: Allow me to put them out of their misery, friend! he winks before shooting a fire ember right into their faces, they both go unconscious just like their friend did There we go! Now we dealt with those dumbasses.
Bird Cat: Oh dear, it seems like he got ink poisoning. It all lines up with my initial theory. he sighs Ah well, I suppose we should get going. Hold on a second. Is that Gross Cat and Cat fighting one another, or is that my Occipital lobe playing tricks on me.
Lizard Cat: Nope, I believe they are arguing... just ignore it.
Bob: Holy shit! Why the fuck are they fighting for? Is it for a valid reason, or are they scrapping like a bunch of sissies?
Lizard Cat: At this rate, I have literally, no idea. he sighs before walking away Come on, let's get the Beef Treasure variants.
Bob: Alright! Let's get going already. I feel so fucked right now. he smirks as he makes his way inside the Argentinian enemy base and grabs the Inferior, Normal, and Superior Beef treasure variants
Doge: Don't mind me, I'm just running away from... whatever the hell is going on over there! he cackles as he runs away, grabbing all the enemies in the process
Meanwhile...
Cat: I told you! I don't want to be your sodding source of defense! No one like it when you and Lizard Cat take advantage of our short range like that.
Gross Cat: Oh come on! Quit acting like an idiot and just accept your fate as a melee fighter!
Titan Cat: Can the two of you... he bashes their heads in with his fists KNOCK IT OFF ALREADY!? I could hear you from a mile away.
Cat and Gross Cat simultaneously: Sorry...
Titan Cat: Now apologize to each other so we can finally make it inside already.
Cat: Yeah, I'm sorry for acting like an ass and throwing Doge onto you. We shouldn't have let such a thing separate us!
Gross Cat: No, I'm sorry for exploiting you, and hell, every melee fighter into being a meat shield for me. I should learn how to be brave and to take damage already. he grabs Cat and hugs him, to which he hugs back
Bean Cat L: Can we make it inside already? We've been waiting patiently!
Cow Cat: Yeah, let's all get going, before someone begins to come after us.
Axe Cat: Maybe it's the ghost of every dead footballer in existence.
Suddenly, everyone's favorite adventurer Gamatoto arrive into the scene. And he rushes right into the group. He wheezes before showing off the Legendary Cat Sword.
Gamatoto: Okay, this thingy is all yours if you just pay up with the treasure variants of everything since Greenland!
Cow Cat: Just give me two seconds! he rushes right inside The Cat Base, and grabs the treasure variants of The Maple Syrup, The Musical, The Flight Recorder, The Steel Beans, The Coffee Beans, and The Carnival Costumes, Bob has the Beef treasure variants Okay, Bob, you hand him the three that you have. I'll give him the remaining eighteen! he cackles away
Gamatoto: he is lost for words Well, I be damned! You guys sure know how to get treasure! Alright, here is your Legendary Cat Sword!
Titan Cat: Woah, this shit is massive.
Tank Cat: That means we can now do more damage against these enemies! About time. he giggles as he rushes inside the Cat Base, followed by everyone else
Inside The Cat Base, everyone is tending to their injuries and discussing the events that happened on The Battlefield. They all seem to be happy and satisfied with the results today, now they are left with the question: What's in it for tomorrow!?
Bob: Say, Cat, do you know where we are going to tomorrow? And what would all the enemies be like?
Cat: Well, I'd be more than happy to tell you, Doge! he giggles as he opens up his Log Book Okay, tomorrow, we are going to go to Machu Picchu! To obtain the Inca Textiles Treasure variants! And we will be facing up against; Doge, Snache, Those Guys, Jackie Peng, Gory, Sir Seal, Le'Boin, Kang Roo, and Squire Rel! So we will be facing against a lot of enemies in the morning, so it is probably for the best that we all be ready when that time comes.
Bean Cat R: Indeed! I agree, we do not know what they have in stock for us, so it is probably for the best that we don't question them. Otherwise we're as good as fried chicken!
And so, The Battle Act makes their way to their bedrooms to sleep. Concluding another day of combat.Now The Battle Act are dreaming away of all the possibilities that tomorrow may bring. They need as much energy as possible in order to efficiently take on the enemies of tomorrow. We can only hope for the best as they will be taking on a vast array of enemies tomorrow, but for now, we should let them sleep, and dream away, in peace and quiet. As tomorrow marks the start of a new arc, The Energy Core Arc!
TO BE CONTINUED
I did it! Thirty nine editions of this sodding little story DONE! It took me a lot longer than I wanted it to, as I was constantly being delayed in life. So I apologize if it appears to be unnatural or rushed. Nothing new happens in this episode, other than it being an arc finale, so I wanted to pull off as many action filled elements as possible. So I hope you like it! I try my hardest to make sure every character gets decent interaction with at least half of the others, this is to make sure the characters' personalities really shine! I hope you enjoyed what I managed to pull off.
Stay tuned for the next episode coming very soon!
The Battle Cats (2014) and its respective characters and features are all owned by Ponos Corporation.
The character Bob is owned by me, however, feel free to use him, just as long as you don't profit, and credit the owner.
Any references towards Diego Maradona (1960-2020) are not authorized by his agents, such references should be considered as commentary, or as parodies.
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This fiction is 100% unofficial, and can be considered as a Fan Made story.