Lauren's plan
The next night, Sev met Lauren in front of the Room of Requirement, both of them having taken Stimulant potion. When she arrived, they turned the Time-Turner back five hours together, to make it coincide with dinner time, and Sev entered the Spy Room alone to take the fireproof suits. Next they demanded together an inhospitable natural area, the top of a mountain, not rugged but stony, without a trace of vegetation.
Sev explained to Lauren how to control the Fiendfire and demonstrated to her. Then he moved a good distance away from her at her request to let her try on her own. It was much more difficult for her to control it than for him, he suffered unspeakably, seeing that she could die at any moment. (Luckily we are not Bonded as a Couple and I have indeed distanced myself, otherwise I probably would not have told it.)
Two hours later she had achieved it, enough control to not take risks and properly destroy the Horcrux. She continued practicing it for another half hour.
When she was satisfied she told him, "Booff… that's it… how hot."
He approached her slowly. "Is that all you can think of to say?You could have died, Lauren."
"I am as willing to give my life to defeat Voldemort as you are. What did you think?"
"I am no longer. If it weren't for all the people I'd leave in the lurch, I'd run away right now."
"Well, then it's the same thing, you wouldn't give your life to defeat Voldemort, but you are risking it to save others," she said.
"Yes indeed."
"I plan to return before the end of the term to continue practicing, after the exams. I'll ask Deborah to reserve a whole morning for me, from breakfast to lunch, so the old man doesn't catch me."
"Alone?" he asked.
"Of course. Today I just needed you to explain it to me, then I should have to force you to leave. I'm sure you've spent all your time suffering."
"Spot on, Lauren." (Let her find out what she is going to make me suffer if she becomes a spy.)
"Well, get used to not suffering so much for me, we have a whole war ahead of us and I know how to take care of myself. What time is it?"
(Indeed she is going to become a spy.) "Almost a quarter past ten."
"Boof… I'm useless, it took me two and a half hours to do what you achieved in minutes," she lamented.
"You are not useless at all, remember that the old man told me that it took him weeks."
"True. But it amazes me how you were able to do it yourself almost instantly. Of course, you are exceptional in every way, a privileged mind, the best wizard in history."
"Well, well, it will be less…" he played it down. "Give me a hug, come on."
They hugged each other, dressed in fireproof suits.
"What do we do now?" she asked. "We have almost an hour of Stimulant left."
"It is a bit dangerous to leave the Room now, and this place is not very pleasant to stay. I don't know, what comes to mind?"
"Do you know what I would love? Go to the forest, to the Room pond and bathe, to take off the heat. You fancy?"
("Ugh… committed… not naked, please,) Sev thought. "Not much, really.Go alone if you want."
"Ugh… Severus. I know why you don't want to. I brought my swimsuit, I'm wearing it under my clothes."
"If I wasn't occluding I would think you had read me."
They laughed.
"You're lovely." She kissed him on his cheek.
"Let's go, come on."
They headed to the exit of the Room.
"What do we do with the suits?" Lauren asked.
"We'll take them off and leave them here, we'll leave them protected with the spell with which we warded the Pensieve in the clearing, so we do not have to enter the Spy Classroom again now nor do you have to do so when you come."
"Or we can Summon a watertight, Muggle container, easier."
"You know how it is?" he asked.
"Of course."
"Then you Summon it."
"Okay."
When they got to the door they took off their suits, Lauren Summoned the container, which was a large plastic drawer with an airtight lid, they put the suits inside and left.
They demanded the Room forest, went to the pond and took off their clothes. (Wow... Even though she's wearing a swimsuit, she drives me crazy anyway. Indeed I'm going to recover the feeling I had for her, and even more so by missing her all summer. But today I don't want to do anything, we must have a serious talk.Last night I slept badly, restless all night, I even woke up Deborah, that saved me, she comforted me a lot.)
They went into the water.
"Do you remember how to swim?" she asked him.
"Of course I remember, Lauren."
They swam a little.
"It's a shame that in the end we never went to the Lake," she commented.
"We could have demanded it."
"Yeah, it hasn't occurred to me, and it's also a shame for Gillyweed."
"Well yes, I have them dying of laughter in my trunk," said Sev.
"Well, if we don't go before the end of the term there will still be hot days in September, we'll come."
"Of course."
"Also, the water here must be warmer than in the Lake, better for relaxing before going to sleep," said Lauren.
"I don't know if we are going to relax too much before going to sleep. I want to talk seriously to you."
"We have nothing to talk about, Severus, you don't have to explain anything to me."
"Yeah, I know," he said. "Now you haven't read my mind, it's not that topic I was referring to.You are the one who has to give me explanations."
"If I don't ask you for explanations, I don't have to give them to you either."
(She must think I mean Jack.) "Very good answer, yes lady. But it seems to me that you can't even imagine what I want to talk to you about, and of course you have to give them to me, because I am an essential part of the maneuver you are carrying out and you will not be able to carry it out without me." (She doesn't answer me, I caught her. I'm going to let her bathe in peace, I'm also going to relax, and then we'll have a serious talk.)
They bathed in silence and without getting close to each other. (How different from my bath with Hippolyta, which was pure and simple joy. Although she is also going to take a risk in the war, I am not afraid at all for her, because she is brave and willful, she will be invincible, and because I know that she's never going to hide nothing from me.
(But Lauren is proving very, very problematic, she gives me nothing but headaches, and the feeling I have for her was not spontaneous, born from my own soul, but because of what she feels for me. As Remus told me before knowing that she was in love with me since first grade, perhaps it is not in my best interest to be more involved with her than simply as a friend, to try to detach myself as much as possible and make her forget her own feeling for me, perhaps then she will give up on making that sacrifice.
(Let's see the result of today's talk and the meetings we have between now and summer, we will also do a ritual on a tree, to have as much data as possible to be able to think about it. As for Bonding as a Couple, I no longer want it for the moment, and not because of Hippolyta, but because Lauren does not feel the discomfort and disappointment that she causes me.)
Sev got out of the water after ten minutes, sat on the ground in front of the pond and began drying his hair with his wand.
Lauren spoke to him from the water, looking at him, "Are you tired of bathing yet?"
"Yes, I was getting bored."
"I'm going out with you."
"No, enjoy a little longer if you want," he said.
"The water is great."
"Well, continue for a while longer, there is no rush."
Lauren continued bathing in silence. (She's completely unconcerned, she doesn't care at all how I'm feeling,) Sev thought. (Well, I care less and less about her, too. Love is not only wanting to be with someone, accepting them as they are or even being willing to give your life for them, it is also caring about how they are and remedying their suffering, inespecially if that suffering is caused by oneself, as Lily and I did, trying to be well so that the berries would not taste bitter to the other.)
Ten minutes later she also came out, and in turn she sat facing the pond, a good distance away from him, without looking at him, and began to dry her hair. "I'm going to cut my hair this summer, I'm tired of wearing it so long, I waste a lot of time drying it," she said.
(Diverting the topic of the talk.) "One more, Deborah is also going to cut hers."
"Yes, she already told me."
"Have you enjoyed?" he asked her.
"A lot. You do not."
(Well, she is worrying a little about me.) "No I do not."
"You must learn to disconnect and enjoy the good times, Severus, this is not the first time I have told you."
"That is quite difficult when you are suffering for someone you love. Don't you think?"
"Yes, of course it is. What are you going to tell me? But at least I'm learning. You are not."
(She's absolutely right. I think the talk is going to be very interesting,) he thought. "Have you already guessed what I wanted to talk to you about?"
"Of course."
"And have you had enough time to think about how to respond to me?"
"No, I haven't thought about it, I was relaxing after the enormous mental effort I had to make to learn to control the Fiendfire," she responded.
"You have done well."
"Ask and I will answer what I think I can answer."
"I don't have an interrogation planned, Lauren, I prefer relaxed conversations."
"Well, then start as you want, you are the one who has raised the issue and who is concerned. I will try to be honest as much as possible."
"Are you thinking about becoming a spy?"
(She doesn't answer me, she's thinking about it.) "It is not necessary for you to say anything, Lauren, whoever remains silent grants, and if you do not answer me even to that, I have nothing more to ask you, but forget about me instructing you."
"I don't care at all. I will do it equally with or without your help."
(Booff… no…) "If you don't count on me to make the decision, you can forget about me."
"The decision was made, Severus, long before I had even the slightest hope of even being your friend, and I am not going to give in to emotional blackmail. I decided in the winter of my fourth year as soon as my parents informed me of their true convictions, looking for a motivation in life other than you, on my long and lonely walks in the Forest and sitting in front of the pond, as I am now."
"But now you have me, Lauren, you no longer need that motivation."
"But time has passed, Severus, I have matured and I am no longer satisfied with just love. I also want my life to be fruitful, and I can't find a better purpose to dedicate it to than the fundamental role I will have if I do so. You should understand me better than anyone, you are also dedicating your life to it. And I am in an unbeatable position to carry it out, there is no one better than me."
(She will never back down, she doesn't do it just for me. That makes me regain faith in her.) "But in a way you are using me to achieve it. You weren't planning on taking Defense until I encouraged you."
"You know that no Death Eater candidate takes Defense," a little hurt. "It is not a requirement to be marked, it is enough to deceive Voldemort and the slut. But yes, it is true, it puts me in a better position, I simply took advantage of the circumstance, thank you very much for teaching me."
Sev started to cry. "Don't be offended, Lauren, you have nothing to thank me for, I was happy to do it."
She turned to look at him. "I'm sorry, Severus, it makes me angry that you have come to think that I am using you." She also began to cry. "I accepted your proposal because I really like to fight and because I knew that it was going to be fantastic to do it with you, as in factit was.I didn't do it thinking I was getting any benefit, I just enjoyed it, I killed two birds with one stone."
"Forgive me for doubting you, Lauren, I believe you. Can I ask you more questions?"
"Sure."
"You didn't tell me the whole truth when you told me that you would have been marked for me if when you came back from Christmas you had read in me that I was willing to become a Death Eater. You were already determined to do it anyway."
"Yes, Severus. I would have become a spy anyway, I would have looked for another liaison on my own, contacting the old man or someone I trusted at the right time, later, when I was about to graduate, while maintaining the relationship with you to protect you within the ranks of Voldemort. And at the same time, I would have tried to subtly dissuade you to changing sides, before and after marking ourselves."
"Oh, Lauren."
"You still don't understand the extent of what I feel for you."
"No, I didn't understand it."
"And if I had not managed to dissuade you or keep you in the rear, because you were destined for combat, get it clear, I would have fought alongside you to protect you with my life and I would have killed warriors from the correct side to do so," she continued.
"Oh, Lauren."
"And if Voldemort had lost the war and they had tried to send you to Azkaban, I would have vouched for you just as my liaison would have vouched for me, or we would have escaped together, with my money."
"What a story, Lauren…"
"And if Voldemort had won, we would both have been safe, on the winning side."
"What a story, Lauren…"
"You know, the strategy planner," downplaying it. "I am willing to give my life to defeat Voldemort, but ahead of that, I am willing to give my life so that you can live.I will do everything in my power to ensure that you survive me and not go through the experience of living through your death."
"I do not deserve it."
"Of course you deserve it, but I don't do it just for that," she said. "It's a somewhat selfish feeling, I prefer that you live mine."
"I wouldn't have deserved it if I had become a Death Eater."
"You didn't have to deserve it, the heart doesn't understand about deserve."
"What if you had died fighting?" Sev asked.
"Then you would have had to fend for yourself, as I will have to if you carry out your threat or if you die before me."
"That's not why I was asking, Lauren. You would have died for someone who didn't deserve it."
"I would have died, I wouldn't have known anything. Before you, what I intend, and giving my life for you, for what I love most, the best justified death."
"How awful thing, Lauren… What if I had died?"
"I would have fought to resist, as I will have to if you die now. Now at least I wouldn't be alone anymore, I would also give my life for Lily."
"Lauren, I am going to keep the word I gave you in my letter, I will be there for you, whatever you are and whatever you do."
"I already knew it, Severus, I have never doubted it. But you don't have to be in ways you don't want. Let yourself be guided by your heart, which is what I do."
"Can I ask you more things?"
"Sure."
"When you planned the entire the Guard strategy and the exposure, did you do it with the intention of making it more difficult for me to become a Death Eater by becoming famous?"
"Not at all, Severus. In the first instance, I wanted the old man to take you as his right hand so that he could protect you and then you could instruct me and in the future be my liaison, but I didn't expect your name to appear in the Prophet. If we had imagined it, we wouldn't have done it like that, I would never have put your life in danger like that, you don't know how guilty I feel."
"Don't feel guilty, everything has turned out wonderfully, we have cleaned Hogwarts of malefics."
"Yes, but at the cost of living at risk of death for perhaps decades."
"I have a good new for you." He told her Sirius' plan.
"Wow… who would have thought…? What a cannon... How well you did it, Severus, and to think that I wanted to make you give up helping him…"
"But I didn't listen to you, I followed the advice you just gave me, to let my heart lead me."
"Of course, the heart is never wrong."
"I've finished drying myself, do you want me to help you?" he proposed.
"Okay."
Sev walked over to her and started drying her hair.
"Let's see if you like how I plan to cut it," she said.
"Don't tell me, Lauren, this way you surprise me in September, no matter how you do it, you're going to be gorgeous. Can I ask you more questions?"
"Sure."
"Do you plan to contact Lucius so that he can introduce you to the inner circle?"
"Of course," she confirmed. "What a stroke of luck, you don't know how happy I was when my parents told me that he had changed sides, and even more so when I found out that they had tortured him and he had resisted that way, to know that he would be up to the task."
"I remember, that was why you were so satisfied. I interpreted it as that you were a psychopath, that you reveled in the suffering of others."
"Ugh, Severus… how poorly you know me."
"Yeah, I'm sorry. Is that why you didn't want me to contact him?"
"Of course, Severus, but not only for that reason, it is true that the mail is dangerous. Be patient for that, your time will come."
"Your parents don't know anything, do they?" he asked.
"Of course not, they won't even know until I do it. Why make them suffer for two years?"
"Sure. And you don't think it would enough for us with Lucius as a spy?"
"He is not going to be taught like me, I will have to teach him, and two are better than one in case one falls," Lauren responded.
"Of course. How do you plan to get in touch with him?"
"Very easy, now he is in continuous contact with my parents. When the time comes I will find a way."
"But you will do it secretly from your parents," Sev assumed.
"Of course."
"And you think he won't tell?"
"I am very persuasive if I get into it, and from what I know him, I think I will convince him, I just convinced you," she replied. "He will not care about me as much as you and will not miss the opportunity to have such a vein,an ally in the ranks with the best possible training and liaison.You, protected at Hogwarts, in direct contact with the old man and the Army.It's coming out all right for me."
"And when do you plan to do it?"
"As soon as I am of age. With more than a year still ahead of me, not only to instruct him, but also so that he can prepare me for a good position in the ladder and not have to go through the hoop of the slut or interact with all the ilk."
"And won't it be suspicious if you don't have a partner?" he asked.
"We can pretend to be lovers in cahoots with Narcissa. This way no one will be surprised to see us together whenever we feel like it, as I thought I would do with you to protect you."
"Wow, Lauren… you have it all planned," admired.
"My hobby, planning strategies."
"Is it because of your plan that you don't want to interact with the occlumants and let them know your true loyalty?"
"Of course, Severus, as few people as possible and only very reliable ones."
"Deborah knows everything, she has deduced it herself."
"Also about my parents?"
"No, not about your parents," he responded.
"Well, I trust her."
"And Valerie thinks we learned Legilimency and Occlumency together, I told her."
"Well, you know her better than me.Is she reliable?" she asked.
"She didn't tell Deborah anything all week even though they talked a lot about you."
"Okay, then."
"And Remus and Sirius have guessed that we are together," Sev added.
"The Patronus of the Defense class."
"That is, and the Potions act."
"Goofs up," Lauren resigned. "I trust them too.Besides, just because we have a relationship doesn't mean anything."
"Do you know that Sirius is going to copy his parents' agenda when he stops by his house to pick up his stuff this summer?"
"Oh... how good. Although it wasn't necessary, my parents also have an agenda, and Lucius, of course. But if he is excited about it, let him do it, always without taking a risk, of course, so we can hide the fact that I can get the addresses. Was it his idea?"
"Yes, but also Hippolyta's," he responded.
"Who is Hippolyta?"
"The third year girl who confronted me on the day of the mess, Ariel's friend and Seeker for the home Quidditch team, who is teaching me how to fly."
"Oh…"
"She wants to go and have a snack with every Death Eater at their house when she graduates," Sev explained.
"Wooow… in third grade," admired.
"She's the bomb."
"Then tell her not to snack on Lucius and Narcissa or my parents," she said, laughing.
"Of course, from now on we will tell her too. On Thursday I taught her to cast curses in the Forest pond."
"What are you saying?" amazed.
"What you are hearing," he responded. "Everything at the first time, the three Unforgivables, four other killers, Reducto and Sectumsempra, the latter controlled in ten minutes."
"Wooow…" admired.
"She wants to use it to give the Death Eaters a slow death, bleeding out, watching them suffer."
"Wooow…"
"We made a collection of twelve bugs suffering from Crucios at the same time, she laughed all the time," Sev continued.
"What a story…" laughing.
"She's fantastic."
"You've already fallen in love again, Severus…" ruffling his hair. "That's why you abandoned us…"
"How well you know me, Lauren."
"Five years without taking my eyes off you."