Chapter 2 - I Lay Tossing and Turning
Tech never truly fell asleep that day, and when Emerie returns for the night cycle again, he has already figured out his next course of action. If he cannot escape in short order, the best chance they have is information gathering, though he will have to be cautious. The chances of Emerie growing suspicious and questioning if there are other reasons for his questions are high. It will take time, and Tech has not been very good at taking the time he requires to assess situations.
That is why his family is in the state they are now.
She doesn't say her typical how are you feeling today when she comes inside. She is probably well aware that he would not appreciate the question right now. He will never forget Crosshair's screams.
She does still reach for his hand as he approaches the door and he is not quite stubborn enough to refuse to take it, considering that he can't see his way around. He loathes the way he can't see every detail around him vividly. He cannot feel it, either, the same way he used to. Not with his legs mechanical. His feet don't have feeling.
"I know it can be challenging," Emerie speaks up quietly.
"What?" he demands sharply.
"Your... eyes. I have issues with mine, too. My glasses serve a similar function that yours do."
They do? Well, at least she gets to wear hers all the time.
"I was unaware," Tech supplies.
"It has been true all my life. Nala Se said it happened in whatever mutations I had when I was developing."
That is unusual. "I had problems before as well. My former goggles were far more useful in rectifying the change than what the Empire has provided," Tech informs him bluntly, maybe a little as a pointed jab at her claim that the Empire is doing everything for their own good.
The fact that her mutations led to the same thing that Tech's did for him is strange, though.
"Why are you staying with the Empire?" Tech inquires.
"This is where I belong," Emerie answers after a momentary pause. "It is the only life there is for me."
"I never heard of you on Kamino," Tech says, testing to see how much information he can probe out of her. It is not as if he heard of Omega either, so it is little surprise, but she would not know that.
"I was sent elsewhere until Dr. Hemlock took me under his wing," Emerie replies. "He saw potential in me."
"Why are you loyal to him?"
"He gave me a purpose," Emerie answers, "He is why I am here, and more than a failed lab experiment."
"You are no more than a tool for him." She will be discarded here, too, far faster than Nala Se or any of the Kaminoans would have.
"He trusts me," Emerie argues, "I will always be of use to him."
She believes it to be true and Tech cannot understand why. Everyone here is nothing but a tool to Hemlock. How could she be oblivious enough to believe otherwise?
"Unless he finds someone more skilled to take your place," Tech points out bluntly. That's how the Empire works. She has to know that.
But she... is attached to him. Emotionally. This is not only about having a purpose, a place to be. He can see that now. And she believes that he feels the same for her. She will find out the hard way how untrue it is, he has no doubt of that.
Perhaps if she was willing to see that, she would be able to aid him in finding a way off Tantiss. But that would mean he will have to interact with her more and see if he can understand more of her relationship with Hemlock and prove to her that she means nothing to him.
It's a hypothesis and it's one he is... interested in testing out.
**w**
When Emerie comes to take him back to his room the next morning, Tech is ready for her. This is the first hypothesis he will be able to test in a long time that does not involve being forced to serve the Empire. "What is your age?" he inquires, once they're back in their room.
Emerie pauses. "I am nine," she replies. "As you are."
She's the same age as him?
He knew she was close, but he did not realize they were the same age. Most likely, she is from a batch of defective clones. It is unlikely she was made intentionally. He does not see what purpose there would have been to that. And that means... there is a great chance that she's from the same batch as Tech and his brothers.
Are they twins? He does not know if she has mutations, but he knows the similarities that she has with him. Her mind functions differently, as does his own, though she does not have the same intelligence as he does. The chance is high that they might be. And then there is how they have the same issues with their eyes.
The knowledge that they are likely twins is... strange. It means a little more than her simply being their sister. But it also upsets him more that she's still choosing loyalty to Hemlock. Still, she is not any more free than any of them and she will have to see that in time.
Tech is familiar with clone twins. It is infrequent, but Wrecker and Crosshair are as well. Once, they were loyal first and foremost to each other, but then the Empire came, and everything changed, but thinking about his little brothers will not give him the answers he needs or assist his escape.
"Did you know the remainder of your... batch?" he asks, simply for clarification.
"No," she replies, "I grew up away from Kamino."
"When was it that Hemlock took you?" He does not know how long it has been, whether it was before the Empire or not.
She seems momentarily hesitant. "I aided in simple lab work for the Kaminoans before. Hemlock came there towards the beginning of the war with a directive from the Supreme Chancellor to clone the Zillo beast. It was a project he was working on with Nala Se. I overheard a problem they were having with the procedure and I offered what help I knew. That is when he wanted to take me."
That is... interesting.
Especially given that the project Tech is presently being forced to work on for the Empire involves the cloned Zillo beast. Evidently, they want a way to use its scaly skin for stormtrooper armor because it is impenetrable by blaster fire. If the Empire is able to make this work, Tech knows it will be disastrous. His squad has always been the best but if they cannot even shoot the troops coming after them, it will not end well.
He does want to know how such an integration between the scales and armor would work, though. Only not for the reason the Empire is demanding. It is a question which is definitely intriguing, and he would like to do the research on his own – if only he did not have to concern himself with Hemlock overseeing all his work.
This means Emerie must have been with Hemlock for about three years by now. It is... a long time for them. Three years ago, he and his brothers had not yet started going on missions together. They were still in training.
Emerie has not had anyone with her all that time except Hemlock of all people. Perhaps it does explain why she is so loyal to him, not that it makes Tech any more appreciative of it. But still, he intends to continue testing his hypothesis.
**w**
To a point, time blurs together. The days follow the same routine, and Tech finds himself itching to get out, to be back in action, though his body still aches, and he is fully aware he is nowhere near ready for combat. He is growing used to the constant aches and the inability to see but that does not mean he isn't impatient for recovery.
When Emerie comes at the end of her shift, it's a little earlier than usual, and she looks... upset. That is new for her. She does not usually seem outwardly emotional about things.
"Is something amiss?" Tech inquires.
She hesitates, but not as long as she once might have. She appears to be getting more used to him speaking to her first. "Omega is unaware you are alive. She... speaks of you at times."
Does she? How much do she and Emerie talk to each other? Tech is relatively certain they are with each other much of the day, though. "You did not tell her otherwise?" he asks, even if he already knows why.
"I cannot. The doctor ordered your presence here to remain classified. Your identity is not widely known."
"If Omega were to know, how would that knowledge spread?"
She would try to escape most likely, though, so it is a fair concern.
"He could notice. I do not... like it, but it's not a chance I can take," she replies. She is visibly unhappy, and Tech believes that it is genuine. It does matter to her that Omega is hurt by this and she cannot tell her.
"What would Hemlock do if he knew you told her?" he asks. It sounds like a way to make a point to her even if she will not understand it that way.
"It is my personal responsibility to ensure she does not find out," Emerie answers, which does not answer the question at all. But it is enough to know the answer is not anything pleasant. Hemlock and the Empire do not operate under request; only order and blind command. Trying to operate on their own after living with the Republic was a struggle for all of them. At times, he could understand how Crosshair could have been afraid enough of the unknown that he stayed behind.
"That does not indicate he has much concern for you," Tech points out bluntly. It proves exactly what he has told her all along, even if she does not want to see it.
The way Emerie hesitates, not having an instant comeback means something. "It is part of my job," she supplies finally, as if that means anything.
Maybe it will take time, but Tech is becoming more convinced that she is going to begin seeing what he is trying to tell her. It will just take time, time he does not want to wait for. Not that he has any other choice.
**w**
"What is this?" Emerie demands, the moment the door to their room has closed. She picks up an item that he had very pointedly concealed under their bed where he did not believe she would look. Yes, he may have borrowed it from the lab, and no one had been the wiser.
"It is for research." Tech retorts, reaching for it. He is used to working on random projects of his choosing in his time off-duty. He has not been able to do any of that since coming to Tantiss but he was hoping he would have the chance to begin again without anyone finding out.
She sighs, stepping back before he can pull it away. "You know personal items are not allowed. We have been over this."
"It is no different than what I work on in the lab," Tech argues, annoyed.
"Maybe, but regulations demand that it be disposed of."
He did not go through the trouble of bringing it all the way here just to lose it. "It is well concealed in here."
"There are routine checks everywhere on base. Someone will find it," she replies firmly.
There are? That has never happened when he was present, but the news does not surprise him. "And you still believe Hemlock trusts you?"
She sighs again. "The checkups are routine, Tech. We cannot break regulations." She turns to the door, taking the item with her.
Tech thought he was beginning to find her presence less frustrating. Perhaps it is, if only a little. Thoughif she will not let him continue his research with adequate supplies, he will find a different way to do it.
A way he is certain she will like far less.
**w**
"I normally would not ask," Emerie says, head slowly turning from one side of the room to another. "But what have you done to my room?"
"Technically, it is my room as much as yours," Tech tells her unflinchingly.
Emerie lets out a sigh that sounds terrifyingly similar to Hunter whenever his patience with his brothers is running very thin.
Tech was not anticipating she would have a positive reaction, but that will not stop him from making his own choices and living a life of his choosing, even in captivity. That is what kept them alive on Kamino. He will not change it now. The Empire will not destroy who he is. He will not allow Hemlock to earn that victory. They can use his mind, but they cannot take it away.
"I may understand your desire for personalization, but I cannot say the doctor will share those views."
"Hemlock is not in possession of you," Tech asserts bluntly, "You may work for him, but he cannot control every choice you make."
"I serve a purpose for the galaxy, Tech. We all have one. It is far easier to accept it than to keep trying to find a way out."
She is not wrong, but Tech will not stop because it is easy. Nothing about a soldier's life is simple, and Tech would not want it to be. It is the only life he knows. Perhaps they discussed settling down on Pabu and living a civilian's life, but in the end, that is no different than a mission – it is part of their overall goal of keeping Omega safe.
"What marks you have on your wall has little effect on your purpose," he informs her.
Emerie sighs in this way that reminds him so much of Hunter trying to deal with Wrecker and Crosshair when they're being stupid.
He may find her exasperation a little amusing if he was not still so annoyed. It is a little bit satisfying that the marks would not be very removable from the wall, though. And it is a good writing space for the future if he ever needs one.
Even if he can't really see what he was scribbling. The point was really just to make a point more than that he can actually reference what he wrote there.
**w**
Tech did not think it would work when he asked Emerie about the location of Omega's room. He was attempting to play it off as merely curiosity but, of course, she did not see it that way. She'd mentioned the sink in Omega's room was dripping, and he'd asked under the guise of fixing it – that is something he would very much like to do, if it was upsetting Omega enough to mention it to their sister in the first place, though it is an ideal method of information seeking as well.
"That is classified," she had informed him flatly.
They already did go over how Omega cannot know about him, to be fair. That does not mean he wasn't considering finding a way to let her know himself.
But that will have to wait. Without proper vision, he has no way of being able to search for it on his own. Even if he were to, it would not be worth the risk for either of them. If he is discovered, and Hemlock assigns someone to keep stricter watch on him, it will end any future attempts and escaping.
Tech lets it slide – pushing her further would only defeat the purpose.
**w**
Emerie pauses to leave when she sees Tech at the window, looking out – the early morning sunlight falling across his face makes him look abnormally empty. Her initial thought is that he is searching for a way of escape, but then her eyes fall past him onto the brightly lit mountains outside, and she pauses.
He cannot see them. Not truly. Not to their completion, and Emerie's heart melts a little in sympathy. He will never be able to truly recover what he lost, though he can work with what he has now. He can't see, and she can't quite imagine living like that, though there was once a time she never had a planet to see, either. And her own issues with her eyes aren't nearly as severe as his are now.
"The first planet I saw was much like this," Emerie says, though she can't fully say why she does, "I grew up on an ocean world until Hemlock took me to another jungle planet much like this one. It was... strange to see so much color."
"There was very little to see on Kamino as well," Tech responds, though he doesn't look at her. He struggles with eye-contact as much as Emerie does, though she has heard many times over that it defines as normal social behavior. She would have liked to see Kamino. It is where Omega and all of her brothers grew up, and Emerie lacks even that simple connection with them.
Tech is not wrong that they are her family, but she knows so little of them, it feels as though she lacks any form of connection with it.
Emerie knows very little about them, and she thinks it is of mere curiosity that she inquires. "Omega talks about you all the time. She says your squad started with four of you?"
"Hunter, Wrecker, Crosshair, and I were the initial batch of enhanced clones, though I suspect you were a part of it as well."
A part of their batch? They are the same age, and Emerie had wondered, though it had seemed entirely foreign to her – she had never known who her batch was, if she was indeed part of any.
"It's nice, not being alone."
Emerie has never had a connection with the other clones. Omega is the first, and now Tech.
For the first time, she realizes – truly, deeply realizes – that Crosshair is her little brother. And she tortured him. He's a soldier, and he was warned and made his choice, but he was...
"I did not realize I was part of any batch," Emerie replies.
"It is a logical conclusion," Tech responds, "Our mutations have resemblances, though it does not appear yours were enhanced as mine were."
"What was your first mission?" Emerie inquires curiosity.
Omega has briefly discussed her time away with her brothers as mercenaries. It – sounds like a dangerous life to Emerie, and she cannot quite envision Omega living it, but it's what she wants. That does not mean she can be allowed everything she wants – that is why children are to be taken care of. They cannot make fully rational choices. Emerie is perfectly aware of it.
Emerie should not ask for details about their past. They do not matter. Establishing a connection with them is a weakness Hemlock warned her against repeatedly. It doesn't matter if they're family. She doesn't know why she's asking.
"We were dispatched to Saleucami to reinforce Commander Cody. It – was a simple mission, as they all were during the Clone Wars. We met a reg there. A deserter. His squad was killed in the beginning of the war, and he found a new mission for himself. A new family." He's looking at her, eyes unseeing but still intense.
Emerie knows exactly what he is asking her, what he keeps asking her, and it feels wrong to keep turning him down.
"We had not known anything of civilian life," Tech continues, "It was different than what we had. That is the life we sought for Omega."
"Our sister is safe here," Emerie objects quietly, "As are you."
"And Crosshair?" he asks, turning around.
Her hands clench over her datapad. It's a blunt and fair question, after what she had seen, and for all that she has tried not to concern herself with it – it is out of her control, and there is nothing she can do for him, but it felt so – pointless. Though it is not as though she understands the details behind the situation, and it is not her place to argue. "You know I cannot control what happens to Crosshair. I did my best to protect him when he was in my custody, but I cannot control his actions. Those are what determines his state."
Emerie has to walk away at that. Guilt is gnawing at her, and it is such a foreign emotion, not one she can afford to indulge in. She has a job to do. A purpose to serve. That is all that matters.
Leaving the room still feels wrong.
**w**
Tech has never been without his brothers for an extended period. He may have adapted to his life on Tantiss temporarily, though being constantly surrounded by people for which he has no trust is difficult. He cannot trust Emerie, even if she is the primary person he has contact with.
He hesitates to ask about Omega, though Emerie will occasionally mention her on her own. Omega certainly is not doing well, though at least she has a guarantee of remaining unharmed.
Crosshair does not have that assurance. Tech has no knowledge of what his little brother's condition is. He has no way to know what is being done to him or if what he saw of what Hemlock was doing is frequent. There is nothing Tech can do for him, and patience is not his forte. That is Hunter's strength – he has the brilliance, definitely, but he lacks Hunter's steady, calm, clinical thinking.
After Echo joined, he had taken up working on many of Tech's projects with him. He had been gone for a while before they went after Crosshair, but the empty darkness of the room makes his absence even more glaring.
It has been a long time since Tech could research anything on his own. He has been here for a month, and that is long enough to have nearly forgotten the feeling of freedom. He has not seen sunlight since Eriadu. Dreams of the fall still plague him nightly, or any time he does manage to sleep. Between that, the constant worry over Crosshair, and thoughts of escape, it is very hard to find any rest.
Crosshair used to sit by him and listen when he'd talk. About anything. But now he's gone, and in pain, and Tech can do nothing to help him. It does not matter if Crosshair made his choice. He is still his little brother, and it is still Tech's duty to protect him.
He has been apart from Hunter and Wrecker for so long too, now. Those were the two brothers he never lost, not until now. He does not know where they are now or if they are alright. He does not doubt that they're looking for Tantiss but there is only two of them. After everything that was lost, he does not know how well Hunter will be able to continue to lead. He had been struggling already, after Crosshair left, constantly questioning all of his choices. Tech knows Echo's departure had not aided that. And with all of them gone but Wrecker, he does not know what state Hunter is in right now.
He does not know what state Wrecker is in by now either – Wrecker was never the same after Kamino, not that any of them were. Wrecker was the last one he saw, the last one to see him before he fell. He had tried to stop him, and Tech is well aware he will be struggling with the guilt if that as much as Hunter. Guilt he will never be able to relieve until Tech finally finds his way home.
**w**
"I was not intending to ask, but why is there a skull opposite our bed?"
"That is our symbol."
"...why did you pick a symbol like that?"
"We were young. Did you only notice the mark tonight?"
"I have looked at it every single night for the past three weeks. What will the doctor say if he sees this?"
"Perhaps I should put a lock on the door."
"Tech, please go to sleep."
BLOOPERS:
Scene summary:
Emerie: stop writing on the walls dad won't like it
Tech, high in a teenage anti-government guerrilla phase: our dad is evil why should I care -.-
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