Bowling
[The scene opens with a shot of Warrior passing by Emily V. in the harbor as the two exchange their respective greetings]
[Transition to a shot of the docks as Cranky is shown unloading a row of pipes onto a flatbed as Salty is down below, shunting the train into position while Arry and Bert pass by with a train of oil tankers. In the background, Diesel 10 slithers past with trucks filled with scrap metal]
[Transition to a pan-in shot of the bowling alley as Panther, Tai Lung, the Sanderson Sisters, Witch Hazel, and Merida pass by it before cutting to the interior of the building. A neon color scheme lights up the various stalls and attractions within the area, the main foyer shows the patrons entering and putting their shoes on, while the bowling lanes are to the right. An arcade can be seen off to the left as Yogi, Top Cat, and Trixie are shown engaging in a three-way battle of skeeball]
Yogi: I've a better aim than the average bear, and don't you forget it!
Top Cat: You just watch me send ya' all to the cleaners!
Trixie: Pish-posh, the grrrrreat and powerful Trrrrrrixie has bested this game at any carnival, this is no different!
[Balto and Steele are shown passing by as the Malamute gives a sneer]
Steele: Amateurs, you'd think they were racing through the Rockies.
Balto: To be fair, is it really all that different from bragging about your accomplishments?
Steele: I do actual sports, that's just throwing balls into a hole. What I do requires finess.
Balto: Uh-huh, whatever you say, Marble.
Steele: …Keep the pet names out of ear shot, wolfy.
Balto: If you say so…
[As the duo pass by the 'camera', we see people playing other games such as Charlie and Itchy assisting Anne Marie with a basketball hoop, Snooper and Blabber by a crane machine to grab prizes, and finally a match between Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon playing a wack-a-mole]
[We then cut to the main attraction as many people are gathered at the bowling lanes, Riff-Raff and Leroy are shown throwing balls on their respective lanes while Hector, Wordsworth, Mungo, and Cleo watch on, Vector throws a ball while Espio and Charmy watch behind him, Beryl whips her own ball at the pins, Cruella throws her ball with a confident grin, Shining Armor makes a careful throw down his lane before the camera cuts to the pins all being knocked down]
Shining: Haha! Ten for ten! I am the bowling king!
[This is in stark contrast to someone like Furrball who clumsily tries to keep his ball steady, but just barely misses dropping it on his foot as the ball carelessly rolls into the gutter lane. The feline sighs in disappointment before a rub on his shoulder from Calamity eases him a little bit]
[We pan over Buster Bunny and Plucky Duck waiting for their turn to throw while Gilda, Soarin', and Braeburn pass by in the background, then passing by Frollo and Lady Tremaine before finally ending up on Bolt and Mittens stepping onto the playing field]
Bolt: Man, it's been a while since I've stepped into one of these places.
Mittens: And it's a place where I get these people ta' read 'em and weep. Bit of a champ around here.
Bolt: Huh, and I thought you just poached a bunch of those trophies.
Mittens: I might be a crook, but I'm not immune to good sportsmanship…well, unless my opponent's givin' me grief, then I might let 'em have it.
Bolt: …You always did have a way with words, didn't you?
Mittens: It's sort of a natural thing that comes to me…well, lookey here, if it isn't the Star Spangled Banner and the Queen of Cock n' Bull.
Bolt: Huh?
[Mittens points over to Hunter and Colleen at one of the lanes as the Golden Retriever is shown swinging his ball like a top before launching it at the pins]
Hunter: Serrrrrrvice!
[Hunter's throw, while impressive at first glance, is rather uncoordinated and just barely manages to knock down four pins]
Colleen: Hunter, this is bowling, not football…or more specifically your football.
Hunter: Well, I think it's working out for me, like this super-duper flying saucer!
[Hunter once again flings his ball to the pins which only knocks down another three. Plucky nearby gives the display a dirty look before the shot cuts back to Bolt and Mittens]
Bolt: At that rate, he'll wreck the nearby lanes as well as his own…
Mittens: [sighs] Better make sure he doesn't hurt himself, or anyone standing near him, and yes, even her.
[The white Shepherd and the tuxedo cat approach the two Rovers as Colleen launches a ball at her pins, knocking down eight, but ending up in a split]
Colleen: Oh, for god's sake, not this again!
Mittens: [off-screen] Yeah, those splits'll go you in, unfortunately.
Colleen: Huh?
Hunter: Bolt! Mittens! I didn't expect to see you here.
Bolt: You didn't expect or didn't predict?
Hunter: Ayyyyyee, you know it.
[Hunter and Bolt exchange a 'five' with each other while also giving a finger twiddle at the end]
Colleen: Charmed, now let me just…
[Colleen throws her ball down the lane, but it's a futile attempt as it passes in between the pins]
Colleen: Damn it!
Bolt: I don't suppose you'd mind pitching us in for a game? I've been meaning to show off my lightning strike.
Hunter: Wonder how it'll match up to my rippin' roadrunner.
Mittens: How cute, you guys got nicknames, similar minds think alike.
Bolt: …I don't know if you're being genuine, or if that was a backhanded compliment.
Mittens: Either way, I kinda wanna duke it out with you dogs, cuz I know who's gonna win.
Colleen: I wouldn't be so sure, bloke, these arms aren't just for show.
Mittens: Well, given how often you've tossed things around, maybe this'll put your money where your mouth is.
[Colleen gives a competitive smirk as she goes to the board and types in the names for "Bolt" and "Mittens" under her and Hunter's spots]
Colleen: In that case, may the best woman or man win.
[Mitten smirks back as she extends a paw to Colleen for the two to shake on it]
Mittens: I look forward to it.
[The scene cuts to a blue bowling ball coming out from the hole as the shot pans up to reveal a gloved hand picking it up before revealing it to be Max Goof narrowing his eyes before reeling back and launching his ball, cutting to it knocking down the other five pins still standing]
Max: [pumps his arms] BOOM! That's how it's done!
[Cut to Max's friends; Pete Jr, or simply "PJ", and Robert Zimmeruski, otherwise simply "Bobby" waiting for their turns as they exchange fives. The latter is once again supporting a mullet from his initial appearance]
PJ: Wow, Max, you're really on a roll with those spares.
Bobby: Could call 'im the Ace of Spares…yeeeeeah, I like the sound a' that.
Max: [shrugs modestly] I mean, it's not all about making strikes for me, so long as I don't miss the pins, that's all that matters.
?: Ah yes, accurate talk from someone playing for less than average.
[The three blink and turn their heads in the direction of the voice…PJ groans, Bobby raises a brow, and Max grimaces]
[We cut to a pair of grey slacks making their way past the other patrons before cutting to a dark maroon suit and revealing a canine with short cut brunette hair. His aura radiates poshness and used to getting what he wants. This is Bradley Uppercrust III]
Max: Damn it…
PJ: Ah crap…
Bobby: Heeeey…who's this guy again?
[Bradley gives a scoff of indignation at this]
Bradley: Of course the cheesy hippie doesn't remember anything.
Bobby: Ah nah, hold on, it's comin' back to me…it's that rogue skater dude from college.
Bradley: R-ROGUE?!
PJ: I think really messed up in the head is a more fitting term.
[Bradley sends a look at PJ which makes him gulp]
Max: Let me guess, skating still ain't paying the bills? Not surprising, really.
[Brad takes a big inhale…and then an exhale before giving a half-lidded grin of repression]
Bradley: You know, I really shouldn't be wasting my time with a bunch of rejects, but of course, it's hard to miss the trio of high school virginity.
Max: Excuse me, last time I checked, all of us got someone during or after high school.
Bradley: Ah yes, you screwed up with two redheads, muffin over here tried and failed with a beret girl, and the pot smoker couldn't even keep a class president.
[Max and PJ stare in surprise as Bobby pushes down his shades to reveal his shrunken pupils]
PJ: Well…uh…you never mentioned having anyone!
Bradley: PUH! As if I would discuss my dating life with the Three Stooges.
Max: Is it possibly because you had no one at the time…or now?
[Max grins cheekily which causes Brad's eye to twitch as he steps up to the lanes]
Bradley: I could solo all three of you in one sitting, especially you, Goof.
Max: How about you prove it to us then, Brad? Let's make some use of that precious doctorate of yours.
[Bradley sneers as his name is typed onto the board and he picks up one of the balls]
Bobby: Watch it, ten bucks says he misses the first shot.
PJ: Twenty says he won't get a single strike.
Max: Thirty says he'll-
[Before Max can finish, Brad throws his ball onto the lane before it cuts to all ten pins being knocked down. The prep dusts his hands off confidently before turning to the trio looking taken aback]
Bradley: Checkmate, bitches.
[Max recovers from his shock, scowls, and then smirks]
Max: Alright then, Uppercrust, you wanna play hard? I can deliver without fail. PJ! You're up next!
[PJ steps onto the playing field with a confident expression, trying to give a dirty look at Bradley who just appears unimpressed]
PJ: Time to show who's got the moves!
[PJ picks up a pink ball and steadies himself in preparation…he's about to swing it when-]
Bradley: CUHdaddyissuesCUH!
PJ: Huh?
[PJ is distracted and ends up undershooting his shot, only just barely managing to knock down two pins on the right]
PJ: Hey!
Bradley: Oops, sorry, did I do that?
[PJ scowls as he goes to make another swing, knocking down five more pins]
Bradley: Is that the best you can do?
[Bradley is about to make his own shot, taking a blue ball with a confident swagger and reeling back before-]
Bobby: You know, maybe he didn't mention a partner cuz he was secretly into one of us.
[Brad's focus is momentarily lost from the remark, but it's long enough that he miscalculates his aim and ends up knocking down six pins]
Bradley: You smug little bastard!
Bobby: Hey, I'm just tellin' how it is, boo.
Bradley: We'll see who's laughing on the other side of their faces when I wipe the floor with you all.
Max: Is that a challenge?
Bradley: You'd better believe it, Maxy.
[Bradley wings his ball onto the lane, saving himself with a spare]
Max: Hey! Only my father gets to call me that, Brad.
Bradley: Awwwww, daddy's boy, aren't you?
Max: Least my dad actually cares.
Bradley: You take that back!
Max: Make me!
PJ: Uh, guys? Not to interrupt, but, uh…people are staring…
Bobby: Also, ya' might wanna back away from each other's lips.
[Max and Bradley realize their current position has gotten them much closer to each other than they realized. The two hastily back off while scowling at one another]
Bradley: Please, you're not even in the same zone as me.
Max: You say that now and I guarantee you'll be kissing my ring by the end of this game.
Bradley: Trust me, it'll be the other way around, much like how it should have been at the Gamma Games.
Max: Oh yeah, it was nice to hang that trophy up in my dorm room, and take it home at the end of the semester.
Bradley: Well done, that's the peak of your entire life, pales in comparison to my track record.
Max: By the way, how are the flying lessons going?
Bradley: Been on any road trips with mixed directions?
Max: Been to the infir-
[The sound of pins being knocked down, followed by a shot of a strike before cutting back to Bobby pumping his arms breaks Max and Brad out of their argument]
Bobby: BOOM! Kumbayaaaaaaaa!
[Max and Bradley blink before glancing back at each other]
Bradley: I'm settling the score right here and now, winner takes all.
Max: [nods] Game on, Uppercrust.
[Cut back to Colleen, Hunter, Bolt, and Mittens as the feline steadies herself for her shot…before giving an effortless throw and earning a strike in return]
Mittens: That's how it's done!
Colleen: Show-off.
Mittens: Little bit ironic comin' from you, fireball.
Colleen: …Some part of me wonders if you're trying to be charming, or another case of the B's.
Mittens: I prefer to think of it as me bein'...[stretches her leg out in a meticulous fashion]...flexible…
[Mittens notices Colleen staring and a coy grin appears on her face. Colleen notices this and tries to retain her composure]
Colleen: AHEM! Right, I believe it's…my serve…
[Cut to Hunter and Bolt]
Hunter: So how's the movie business been treating you?
Bolt: Oh, you know how it is, film, shoot, re-shoot, all that stuff. Will say, it's a better environment than the shoots I did a long time ago.
Hunter: Yeah, you told me about that, still can't believe you had that as a manager.
Bolt: Well, he certainly wasn't the same after the fire, definitely lost a few teeth from that incident.
Hunter: You knooooow being an all-star track runner's given me all kinds of perks, but I don't suppose you could give me any…pointers for a potential audition?
Bolt: I think you might be in for some competition with the likes of Thunderbolt and Lil' Lightning.
Hunter: Huh, still surprised about those two.
Bolt: I was at first, but hey, I suppose crazier things have happened. Like you Rovers actually getting along for a start.
Hunter: Heeeeey, we weren't…that bad.
[Bolt, and Mittens in the corner, gives the Golden Retriever a look]
Hunter: …Yeah, never mind, it was pretty rocky.
Colleen: I mean, it's not like certain people weren't at fault for that…
Hunter: Colleen, you know we're a collective in that whole mess.
Colleen: [sighs] I'm aware…it's weird to think, we were only a team by association, we couldn't stand each other otherwise.
Hunter: Well, you did try to make a pass at me, but I wasn't interested.
Colleen: How was I supposed to know? You kept dodging the question.
Hunter: I think the feral walk should have been an indication at that point.
[Colleen sighs dramatically]
Colleen: I wasted all that time trying to hint at a guy who never cared while trying to get another one off my tail.
Hunter: To be fair, you were pretty extreme towards Blitz.
Colleen: Is it really my fault he couldn't get the memo?
Hunter: You antagonized him by constantly mispronouncing his name…oh, do I need to mention the "baseball"?
Colleen: If I say I messed up, will you come off it?
Hunter: …Yes.
Colleen: Fine, I know I screwed up with him…truth be told, in hindsight, I wished I'd taken the offer when I could…but now he's taken…
Hunter: You gotta admit, him and Exile are pretty cute together.
Colleen: Yeah…at least he's happy…as he deserves…I just wish I could have that myself…
Hunter: Well, I'm out of the question for obvious reasons…sometimes, whenever I've visited, we've all laid down together and shared a few…gestures, but at the same time, I could never come between what they have…they are lucky…
Mittens: So, you two are still open?
Colleen: Pardon?
Mittens: Ya' know, still in the game, still ain't sweeped off ya' feet?
[Hunter blinks]
Bolt: She means you're still single.
Hunter: Oooooooooh…
Colleen: Hold on, are you suggesting…that we?
Mittens: I mean, hey, you two didn't get the reputations ya' did by bein' cardboard. I got no complaints with what I'm seein'.
[Colleen's cheeks turn a shade of red at this]
Bolt: Plus, there are certain…perks to getting with a movie star…[winks]
[Now it's Hunter's turn as his golden cheeks flush crimson]
[Cut back to the Goof Troop trio and Bradley as the score is surprisingly tight between Bobby and the third heir of the Uppercrust family. Bradley grits his teeth at the scoreboard, while having a decent number of strikes, he has a few spares scattered around. Max and PJ notice this and give a cheeky grin at Bobby]
Max: [whispers] Hey, maybe say something that'll really catch him by surprise.
PJ: [whispers] Yeah, like something real crazy.
[Bobby looks over at the brunette canine and a smirk comes across his face as he lowers his shades]
Bobby: Heeeeey, Bradley-boo, maybe once I win, you treat me to a night oooout?
[Brad immediately stiffens and cocks his head at the mullet head]
Bradley: As if I would lower my standards to your level. And for god's sake, take off those stupid shades, you're indoors!
Bobby: It's a fashion sense, babygirl.
Bradley: Don't call me that!
Bobby: A'kay! Would ya' prefer it if Max said it then?
[By this point, Bradley's cheeks have flushed bright red in anger and embarrassment. He internally curses 'How dare these little shits think they can get one-up on me']
Bradley: …Then tell him he'd get better with me than sticking with the mammoth mound over there.
[Max stiffens upon hearing this]
Max: You wish you could get some with me.
Bradley: Aha, I know you want what I have.
PJ: I have that and more.
Bobby: Daaaaaaaaaaaaamn, Peej got some confidence.
Bradley: Then let's see him top this.
[Bradley reels his arm back and swings at the pins, knocking all ten down with a cocky grin. PJ has a brief look of anxiety from the display, but a reassuring rub on his shoulder from Max gets him to stand up and pick an orange ball. The feline steadies himself for the shot, breathes in…then out…before reeling his arm back and throwing the ball down the lane]
[Cut to the ball as it rolls before striking the pins, knocking down seven in an awkward split]
Bradley: Oooooooooh, tough luck. Those splits are really difficult.
[PJ scoffs at the canine's remark as the ball is rolled back onto the rack. He picks it up and narrows his eyes at the lane…he reels back and throws, cutting to the ball striking the two pins on the right, knocking the single one down to the left as well]
PJ: [pumps his arms] YES!
Max: That's my boy!
[PJ whirls around as Max rises from his seat and the two exchange a high-five. Bradley rolls his eyes as he looks up at the scoreboard]
[The respective tallies read; PJ - 73, Max - 75, Bobby - 80, Bradley - 86. The brunette smirks at this achievement]
Bradley: Looks like the Uppercrusts win again.
Bobby: Ah-huh, and which party's celebratin' with them?
Bradley: I-
[Bradley freezes as he realizes the trap he fell for, so he crosses his arms dismissively]
Bradley: I…I don't need to celebrate with anyone.
Max: Well, that's too bad then, cuz me and the boys were gonna chow down on the winner's choice of dinner.
Bobby: Ya'll know what's up; deep-dish cheesy pizza!
[Bobby wings his arms around Max and PJ as he says this. Bradley grimaces as he tries not to express any sort of jealousy from the display of affection]
Bobby: Ya' welcome to join if you so choose.
Bradley: Um, excuse me?
Max: [whispers] Bobby, what are you doing?
Bobby: [whispers] Trust me, I'll keep 'im outta your hair. [normal voice] Not posh enough for you, Uppercrust?
Bradley: [scoffs] And why would I humor your suggestion?
Max: C'mon, even preps need to take a break sometimes. Besides, couldn't hurt at the very least.
[Brad is sure Max was taking the piss when he made that remark, but gives a reluctant sigh all the same]
Bradley: …Fine, I'll relent…just because I'm sure you'd all be bored without me.
PJ: Oh, I'm sure we would…
[The scene cuts to the left side of the entrance as Hunter, Colleen, Bolt, and Mittens are shown leaving, cut to the right as the Goof Trio are shown leaving with Bradley tailing behind, trying not to draw attention to himself. Pan-out to a wide shot of both groups leaving in opposite directions]
[Cut to black]
Character Guide:
Max Goof, Pete Junior (PJ), Robert (Bobby) Zimmeruski, Bradley Uppercrust III - Goof Troop / A Goofy Movie (1995) / An Extremely Goofy Movie (2000)
Bolt, Mittens - Bolt (2008)
Hunter, Colleen, Blitz, Exile - Road Rovers
Balto, Steele - Balto (1995)
Shining Armor, Trixie Lulamoon, Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon, Soarin', Braeburn, Gilda - My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Top Cat - Top Cat
Yogi Bear - The Yogi Bear Show
Buster Bunny, Plucky Duck, Furrball, Calamity Coyote - Tiny Toons Adventures
Charlie Barkin, Itchy Itchiford (Itchiford Dachshund), Anne Marie - All Dogs Go To Heaven (1989)
Claude Frollo - The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)
Cruella De Vil, Thunderbolt, Lil' Lightning - 101 Dalmatians (1961) / Patch's London Adventure (2003)
Lady Tremaine - Cinderella (1950)
Merida - Brave (2012)
Panther Caroso - Star Fox
Queen Beryl - Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon
Riff-Raff, Leroy, Cleo, Hector, Wordsworth, Mungo - The Catillac Cats
Super Snooper, Blabber Mouse - Snooper and Blabber
Tai Lung - Kung Fu Panda
Vector the Crocodile, Espio the Chameleon, Charmy the Bee - Sonic the Hedgehog
Winifred Sanderson, Mary Sanderson, Sarah Sanderson - Hocus Pocus (1993)
Witch Hazel - Looney Tunes
Salty, Cranky, Arry and Bert, Diesel 10 - Thomas and Friends
Warrior - TUGS
Emily V. - Theodore Tugboat