"What's hiziddy happenin', Nemi-chan?!" Hizashi crows as he wraps his arms around me in a hug, "We don't hang out as much as we did before!" Yamada is as loud as ever and I force out a smile.
"Oh nothing, Hizashi. Just hanging in there you know?" I sigh and Aizawa pipes up.
"You look tired."
"Oh great, nice observation!" I huff with a laugh, "Seriously? That's all you wanna say?"
"Well, the only reason why I'm here is to tell you that you're probably not screwed, Kayama."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence." I take a sip of my drink and it burns down my throat. Today's patrolling was killer but before I go home I wanted to get drinks with my old buddies from my Purple Revolution days. Koyurei went to a therapy appointment and well, that was new.
I guess he really is serious about being better. About handling what's messing with him. But the thing about it all is that his brother's back. Aizawa notices how on-guard I am.
"It's about the Blueflame Arsonist, right?" he states, "My advice? Get the hell out of Enavant's life. You should've never dated within the profession."
"Aw come ON, Sho! It's a sunk-cost!" Hizashi snaps, "Plus Pot meet Kettle Mr. 'Never Date Inside the Profession'!"
"Isn't she in space, Aizawa?" I ask. I know that Eraserhead and Thirteen have rumblings of dating and judging by his slight blush and deeper scowl, Hizashi and I got the exclusive.
"Anan and I aren't dating." he smoothly sighs, "We're seeing each other."
"Oh my GOD it's the same thing as me and Joke!" he laughs, "Guess we'll have a space baby soon!"
"And yours will break the sound barrier, I'm sure." he sips his coffee, "Besides, when's the wedding?"
"End of the year towards Christmas." I smile, "I already have a dress but Koyurei's keeping his suit a surprise." my mind drifts to a pretty white one with slight blue lines like fire in it. Or maybe a nice blue one with white lines? Where he can wear a veil?
Ah well, Aizawa and Hizashi look at me.
"Well, hon. Lemme tell ya... Stay with him. He makes ya happy so stick with him." he smiles, "Koyurei's a good kid. Dude's one of those who loves deeply an' feels emotions quite a lot like Emi." he smooths his hair.
"After all, Shota here took her a while to get over."
Aizawa glares at him, "And your wedding was an absolute tinnitus ridden nightmare." he's smiling. (He liked it.)
"Just watch yourself and your family, Kayama. The Blueflame Arsonist goes after families around your size." Aizawa says, "Although his pattern isn't one at all. He's random but the smart kind. Watch it."
That's when I spot the yellow-green hair of Koyurei's old friend Burnin'. She scurries towards the bathroom and beckons me. She's really treating this like an HPSC handoff.
I get up to go, "Gimme a second guys." when I start going towards it there's a badly hidden Burnin' trying to sneak in with me. She squeezes past me wearing a big coat and once we're inside she stands in front of me.
"Nemuri, I'm giving this to you because it's important for both you and Koyurei." she blushes slightly, "It's ah... all we know about the Blueflame Arsonist, but you gotta promise me something first!"
"Yeah? What is it?" she moves closer with her hair brightening.
"I want you to promise that you'll be good to him... Koyurei's my best friend and... and I love him a lot. A-as a friend!" she sputters and thrusts the files my way, "Justforgetit!"
"Uhhh... okay?" I take them and put them into my backpack. I don't carry a purse because it could easily get snatched. Plus backpacks just hold more things. She hesitates before telling me something that honestly made me a little sad.
"You're a good lady, Nemuri." her tone is like she's finally letting go of something and handing it to me. Like she wanted what I got but realized that she was better off without it.
Almost as soon as she came in, she left. Leaving me to go back to Aizawa and Hizashi. When I get back there's not much else to talk about and we just shoot the breeze about whatever.
"What was that about?" Hizashi asks running his hand through his blond hair, "You went runnin' off with Burnin'."
"Oh it's stuff about the Blueflame Arsonist case." I pat my bag almost absentmindedly, "Just to see if there's a pattern between the murders and all that."
That's when there's this feeling in the back of my mind sliding down my spine like some kind of warning. Like Pandora about to open her box and unleash the worst of humanity.
Aizawa looks at my bag and his brow furrows, "One thing I'm a little curious about." he leans against the table, "Why take it on yourself?"
"It's simple. He threatened my husband and he's done enough." I huff, "It's a matter of family. My dad taught me that handling things that threaten the family are more important if handled early."
"Very yakuza-like of you, Nemuri!" Hizashi hoots, "Oh wait, because your dad was one."
I nod and Aizawa has that long-suffering sigh leave his lungs. Of course he's against me doing what I want to do. He always was even when I met him on the roof that day with Hizashi and Shirakumo.
My phone dings with a text from Koyurei.
*Are you coming home yet? Should I start dinner? Love you!*
I smile and put it back in my pocket adjusting my bag too. I smile up at my friends.
"Look, I gotta go, but it was nice talking with you guys!" I bow a little and turn back to the entrance. I'm just a little worried about the future, that's all. The files in my backpack make it even heavier now.
Because why would someone do that to a kid? Why would someone hurt their family over some assumed failing? I should leave this all alone but something grabs me and pulls me to it like a magnet.
Something about it just captures my attention. Sure, being a heroine is hard and I've had worse, but this?
This is bigger than that. My thoughts drift gently to my husband to be. He had a therapy appointment.
I take a deep breath and stand before the door to the therapist's office. I'm doing this for her. For Nemuri, so I don't go flying off the handle again. So I don't lose my ever loving mind in her arms again and bleed on her.
'Hesitation never amounts to anything', Dad used to say, 'You're better off either dead or weak.' Being weak was tantamount to treason but this therapist is special. I grab the knob and he's already standing with an almost sedate ease.
His dark purple hair is lightening at the edges and his eyes are ringed with age and bags. His name is Kofukai Shinsou.
The office is cozy and honestly pretty safe all things considered. Nice cushy seats and a few little plushies the patient can hold. There's a light smell of incense in the air meant to calm people down a bit.
"I never thought Enavant would come to my office. Come in, take a load off!" his smile is easygoing and I take off my shoes to walk in. He wanders to a seat and squats on it almost like a gargoyle.
"Thank you." I nod and sit on the other chair. It's comfy and almost cushy from age and the amount of butts that sat in it. He leans forward.
"So... what brings you here, Mr. Todoroki?" he asks, "And don't worry you're just a name and a face to me, not a friend."
"Well, I have a bunch of problems. My family history is fraught with... things. Abuse, trauma, my brother died..." I say and he notes them down.
"Please know that my quirk will bring up those memories. This isn't because you're brave, but because you truly want to find ways to solve this. You're giving me full rights to poke around in there." he says as I lean the chair back.
"So... think back to the earliest memory you can remember." he states. The room around us morphs into a deep almost soft void.
Sometimes when I'm stressed I remember what happened. Those days after my big rebirth were spent in a void. I could hear everything. Mom and Dad coming in, Natsuo and Fuyumi not even understanding what happened to me, and Shoto still so little.
Natsuo would play a playlist for me, one filled with my favorite songs.
What would play was probably just a random track. Everything was blurred like an out of focus camera but I do remember the first day I woke up. The void slowly turns a bright fleshy color until I open my eyes again. The hospital was cold. Every inch of me covered in bandages. The heart monitor beeps softly in the room. Silence, deafening and heavier than the crush of stones. All I remember of the first day is the sound of the door opening and...
"Koyurei!" Mom gasps, footsteps sound out and the room grows colder, there's a soft slam and she's on the floor, grabbing my hand, kissing it. She's absolutely shattered. Sobbing into the sheets, trying her best to not be too loud. All I felt back then... it was the embers of anger. Blowing through the air of my confusion and sadness. Even back then I knew Touya didn't make it. Dad came in soon after.
"Rei, I'm here." he states.
"Like I need you..." she snarls.
"I'm still his-"
"You could've saved him. Both of them." Mom's voice shakes, "You... you just didn't go."
"Rei, I'm warning you-" Dad starts.
"Not here, not now, Enji." Mom says, "Not... not now." I shift and Mom perks up, her cool hands grabbing my only uncovered one that they freed so I could feel her hand.
"Touya...? Where's..." I gasp through my bandages. Looking around with one eye exposed, most of my hair piled under them. I look down at my hands, "My voice changed."
I look into Mom's gray eyes, filling quickly with tears as she touches my cheek, cool and heavy, gauzy. She lets out a soft whimper.
"Mom? Where's Toya?" I just wanted to hope that he made it. That he's okay somewhere. I just got out of a coma, my weak arms trying to move but gently falling like I slept on them.
The room flashes to the mountain full of panic and smoke like a bad dream with blue flames all around us with the flames searing into me like the hand of some angry God that showed me and Touya how foolish we were.
My throat's raw with the smoke and the pain, tears turning to steam as I try to carry him. The flames were too much. I was half-carrying and half dragging Toya as he screamed. The weight leaves me and all I can think was- 'Did I drop him?' Death looms behind me as I try to run down the slope back to the bottom but then the flames eat my legs and my muscles, snapping and popping them.
'Mom... Dad... I'm sorry.' the flames eat at my body but the chill softens it. Almost like my ice was helping to apologize. Like how my mother would kiss my burns and tell me it wasn't my fault. Like how Nemuri would call them beautiful but at that moment my throat rips out a scream. Fear and pain, death and life, every last bit of me screaming out in sheer burning and numbing agony.
"Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaad! It hurts! It hurts! Make it stop!" I wish I screamed.
What it was... it was a scream so loud I could hear it over the roar of the flames. The area's flames die and in moments I'm back in the house again with the same traditional trappings and my baby brother Shoto sniffles in front of me. I'm covered in white, rough scar tissue and my restored muscles work as I softly clench onto whatever I'm doing. Turns out I'm treating a burn on my brother's arm. Dad was rough again.
"Koyurei?" he warbles, "You okay?"
I wrap the bandages around my brother's arm. Training was rough on him today like it always was. Dad's eyes burned into the back of my head in my memory. But my baby brother sniffles and tries to stop crying.
"Shoto, you were so brave." I say meaning every word because my baby brother really was brave. He looks up at me with those big gray and blue eyes with that watery little smile.
"Really?" he warbles, "Dad... he's scary."
"I know." I answer, "I'll be here though."
"Promise?" he smiles a little wider.
"Sure. Of course." I never lied to him. I stayed for as long as I could. Until the agency. Until...
Shoto's screams break me out of that happy promise as Mom holds him tight with frost and mist spiraling around her, "Mommy's sorry, Shoto! It's okay, baby, it's okay..."
I remember grabbing him from her and taking him away as she crumbled like an ice statue, sobbing and holding her head. She shakes it and lets out a cry like...
"mmmsorry, Touyaaaa... Shooo...toooo..." she looks up at me and him like she's seen a ghost, "Sorry sorry sorry!" Wide gray eyes and tears streaming down it. her hair a mess from grabbing her head and rocking back and forth.
Then a storm of flames consumes all of them with me in my Enavant suit, Hawks and Chitose, Kiruka, and Nemuri all flash by me as I reach towards a light high above me. My hero suit burns off and everything chills... One half ice and one half fire, and standing across from me is Touya. We're standing off like a day or so ago. Almost like we're about to quickdraw. He grins and draws back his hand-
And I wake up.
Dr. Shinsou lowers his hand, "Holy shit..." he helps me back up into a sitting position and sits across from me, "That's a lot to unpack. Luckily for you, you came to me." he helps me to my feet.
"You're in good hands, Koyurei. We'll see about a weekly schedule." he shakes my hand and I hand over my insurance info. Just something I have to do for my future. When I get back to the car I send out a text:
Are you coming home yet? Should I start dinner? Love you!
Nemuri reacts with a little heart and I can't help but feel a little warmer inside. Ever since I left the therapist's office I feel like a weight is off my shoulders like I just dumped out all the emotions on him. Not just the ones I feel but the ones I couldn't. I drive back home and find Nemuri's Nightbike parked in its spot. She beat me. I let out a soft giggle and get out of my car.
When I get inside I smell the food in the air and hear Nemuri working away in the kitchen. She's wearing that cozy sweater that stops at her thighs and her mane of purple-black hair is tied back in a fluffy ponytail.
She glances over her shoulder, "Oh! Welcome home, Koyurei!" her voice is bright and summery. This is a very different approach. I wrap my arms around her and bury my face into her hair and press up to her back.
"I thought I was cooking tonight?" I ask. That's when she hits me with the most subtle of her seductions.
She stops her work and turns around, her arms wrapping around me and eyes glittering with that slow heat. In fact her scent is a little different. Instead of the thick, cloying aroma that sends you softly into dreamland...
This is different.
It's light and airy but almost intoxicating. It almost wants me to pounce on her but she ends up smiling and kissing me deeply. Gently we settle into the same rhythms as always.
The same feelings of that adoration, of that simple thing where we can just shove away the bad days and the hardness of the lives we live. She and I eat dinner together but there's something off about it all.
"Nemuri? Why's your scent different?" my question's met with batting eyelashes and a lean forward showing her chest. More of the scent working its way into my mind slowly tugging at my inhibitions.
"I thought I'd spice things up, Koyurei." she croons, "After all, you had a hard day."
"You're planning something." I immediately jump into that defensive mode, "Can I ask what?"
Nemuri's expression falls a little, "Nothing can get past you, huh?" she stands up and gets into my lap, "Look, I'm just trying to stop that guy before he hurts you."
"Nemuri, don't." I state.
"It's my decision." she counters, "You're part of my family and I'm going to protect you just as fiercely as I protect them." she pulls me forward and kisses me with a fierce glint in her eyes.
When she pulls back I give her a soft nip on the neck, "Just be careful." I mutter into her skin feeling the shudder of her body against my own. She lets out a happy giggle almost like she's getting what she wants.
Only for me to pull back with a cheeky grin, "Just promise me you'll be okay."
"I promise, loverboy! I promise!" she laughs as I smother her in kisses. I lift her into my arms and spin her and myself around landing on the couch in the living room. Instead of making love, I decided it'd be better to just be around each other after I spilled my guts at a therapy appointment.
Even though it doesn't feel right that Nemuri is getting involved in something that should be my responsibility, she just wants to help. Nemuri curls against me with that constant warmth filling that gap in my chest. My entire life surrounds hers. Every moment hung on her every word because I don't have to think anymore. I don't have to feel anymore. She calms me and she loves me, she decides for me and who am I to stop her from helping me with my problems?
But there's still that itch in the back of my head. The one that says, 'We're not done yet, boy.' I have to work on myself, reclaim myself, and find a way to stand as her equal.
Then and only then will I see myself as good enough.