Hi y'all! Another chapter, another attempt at getting that darn plot to untangle itself (what did I get myself into?). Anyway, featuring Captain Hook (or so Tony says). Enjoy!
PREVIOUSLY ON ASAF:
Lover's spat, he'd give him lover's spat! Loki chuckled – Tony was sure it was due to his irritation ringing loud and clear along the bond, which made him all the more irritated – and walked off to help Bruce with finding more glasses or some such.
Tony pulled out a chair with a hushed growl and sat down, arms crossed. He really, really hated Avengers-family dinner.
CHAPTER 49
Tony was still sitting moodily at the table as the others trickled in. First Natasha, who eyed him, looked at Loki who was still near the counter talking with Bruce – as if Tony's mood were only ever linked to his soulmate, ha! – and rolled her eyes before going to sit opposite him. Tony refrained from sticking out his tongue at her, just because he didn't want to give her the satisfaction of having managed to rile him up further.
Then Clint came in, and he first eyed Loki before looking at Tony and snorting, the bastard. Spies. Fuck them all to hell and back. At least Phil, who finally deigned them with his presence when everyone else was seated and Dum-E had brought dinner up, didn't show any kind of recognition of how Tony and Loki were very much not looking at each other and not touching each other even if they were sitting side by side. But then again, Phil probably needed that poker face when he took his seat between Steve and Melinda – his biggest hero on one side, and the girl-with-a-crush-on-him-that-he-totally-had-a-crush-on-too in the green Dolce-&-Gabbana-or-Calvin-Klein dress on the other.
After Phil had pulled his chair up, silence descended upon the Avengers 'family' until Steve took it upon himself to get dinner started. That was Cap for you. "It's nice to have everyone together again. I don't think I know that dish, what is it?" he asked, pointing at the closest ceramic lasagna dish. Tony got the feeling J.A.R.V.I.S. had talked a high-end restaurant into delivering their food even if they didn't normally do takeout, because he sure as hell didn't own these white and blue patterned plates and platters. He had class.
"We're having Greek tonight. That one's moussaka, which is made with aubergine…" And off was Bruce, prattling about every dish and all their ingredients in turn. So Bruce was a general foodie then, and not just a fan of Indian food. Good to know.
Tony just grabbed the closest dish and scooped some upon his plate. He really didn't care what it was, as long as it was food, because he was damn hungry, and he'd rather occupy himself with eating than thinking about the brain of Hydra that was being hacked downstairs. Or how Loki was being his stupid reckless self. And no, he was not going to think about how reckless he tended to be himself, because that wasn't the same.
First of all, he'd already decided that he was going to be a bit more careful, because now it wasn't just his life on the line. And second, Loki was a two millennia-old prince of an alien kingdom. Two kingdoms even, technically, if you counted both his blood and his adoption. And even though 'royalty' was an absolutely bullshit concept, those kind of things mattered in some parts of the universe. If Tony ended up maimed or crippled, most people wouldn't give a rat's arse. If Loki ended up maimed or crippled, they could have another alien army on their doorstep. You'd think someone with so many years of goddamn experience in galactic politics would remember shit like that and be a bit more careful.
"Auðr mín," Loki said, in a low but admonishing voice, because his arsehole of a soulmate was obviously monitoring Tony's feelings as if that was any of his goddamn business.
"And what the fuck does that mean, t'hy'la?" Tony hissed back, because two could play at that game.
There was a spike of irritation from Loki, and it took him a minute to respond. "It means something along the lines of treasure or precious of mine."
"My precious? Ha, how very Gollum of you." Tony didn't look Loki's way, but he could feel the transferred urge to frown.
"The Asgardian term certainly does not have such a possessive connotation, but if you wish I will not use it again."
There was a pregnant pause. Loki was probably waiting for some answer on whether to use that monicker again or not – as if Tony was going to encourage more words that he didn't know, or that didn't actually convey the feelings they should have conveyed because they were slipping out of Loki because of fucking nudges of fucking Fate. Though he supposed that discouraging them was also not a good idea if he wanted Loki to love him too. Maybe the more couple-y things occurred between them, the more Loki might feel they were a couple— Fuck but this was a headache and a half!
"What do these terms that you use mean, then? Meleth nîn and t'hy'la?" Loki asked.
Tony took a bit bite and took his time to chew. "That's Elvish and Vulcan," he answered, because he too could be an arsehole. Loki had been using secret Asgardian words for a while without explaining them.
"Elvish. Do you mean the fictional elves of Tolkien?" The next silence was more pensive, and when Tony glanced Loki's way he could see his eyes moving beneath his closed eyelids. "I do not remember encountering that exact phrase," Loki said at last, catching his eye, and Tony looked back down at his plate with a shrug.
"Not sure where it's written. There's been a lot of other material written by Tolkien and his son, and then there's people who made whole dictionaries online and shit." He took another bite, and weighed the pros and cons while he chewed. If he explained his secret words, maybe Loki would be more inclined to share the meanings of his Asgardian monickers in the future. Someone had to show the right example, after all. "It's 'my love' in Sindarin, if I remember correctly. To be honest I haven't brushed up on my Elvish in a while so… And t'hy'la, that's Vulcan, from the Star Trek TV series. It's the equivalent of soulmate, kind of. It means friend, brother and lover at the same time. Funny thing is, in the fandom some people say t'hy'la bonds can start between two enemy warriors while they fight. Sounds familiar, doesn't it?"
Loki snorted. "You seem to have much too much interest in languages that no one speaks."
"Excuse you, who says no one speaks Sindarin or Vulcan? I'll have you know us humans love our cultural references and we'll go so far as to speak a language solely invented for fiction just to show how much of a fan we are."
"Would it not be better to learn languages that greater portions of the population speak? Surely you would not find many who speak languages that were so recently created?"
"Who cares if you can't speak it with many others? That's not the point. And besides, I'm interested in all languages, jagiya."
"Very well, yeobo," Loki answered with a smirk, upping Tony's Korean equivalent of darling used between lovers to one used between a married couple, because he had to be an annoying arse no matter the subject. As if using a magical translator wasn't cheating, ha!
"I see you two finally made up," Melinda said loud enough to silence the other conversations around the table, because she apparently needed to remind everyone that she too was competing for the title of biggest arsehole.
"How about you stay out of my love life and I'll stay out of yours," Tony said, meaningfully flickering his gaze between her black eyes and Phil's narrowing hazel ones.
"Stark," Melinda warned.
"Tony," Loki added, because of course he was going to take Melinda's side of all people.
"This really is getting more and more like a sitcom every day," Clint butted in, lounging back in his chair with a smirk. Oh really? He wanted to be Tony's next victim? Fine, he could do that. He could do that indeed.
"Oh, good, how about we talk about your love life then, bird-brain? What have you and the spider been up to, huh?"
"Secret spy stuff, obviously. You wouldn't understand," Clint replied, his smirk widening. Tony sure hoped that was just a coincidence and not a hint at those two being on the wrong side of the fence.
"As long as you don't go secretly-spyingly defile my furniture. Argh, why did I think that? Now I have that horrid mental image— Someone help me bleach my brain!" At least Clint had lost his smug look, now clearly insulted that the idea of his lovemaking could make someone want to barf.
Natasha rolled her eyes and turned to May. "I am so glad I'm not the only woman here anymore."
"Yes, I can see how that would have been worse than being waterboarded with boiling water." The two women shared a shark-like grin because they were obvious psychos.
Tony dropped his cutlery and wiped his mouth with his serviette. "Well, on that note I'm not hungry anymore." And that wasn't even a lie. Between his first silent musings and his talk with Loki he'd managed to empty two platefuls and then some. He stood up, and though Loki clearly wasn't done eating, he stood up too.
"Don't get up on my account."
"I am not. I am as eager to leave as you are. Midgardian women are terrifying." Loki even added a wide-eyed look to complete the picture, and the table erupted in laughter, which clearly had been Loki's goal if the satisfied little smile was anything to go by. "In truth, however, I am actually eager to rest. And I believe you are too."
Tony wanted to deny it – he was actually eager to get back to Zola-hacking – but his brain decided that now was the best possible moment to yawn.
"Okay, fine. I guess I'll actually go to sleep at night for once. Shocker." Maybe he was getting too old for fucked-up schedules. He shuddered at the thought. Or maybe it was all because of soulmate vampirism. Funny how that could be reassuring.
The two of them received a chorus of good nights when they left – they really were acting like a fucked-up family, God – and it was only when they were a few steps away from their bedroom that Tony's totally unnecessary anxiety made an appearance. Because no matter how many times he had slept next to Loki now, he had never done so with newly acknowledged feelings. Fuck but he wanted to bang his head against the wall so he could knock himself out and get this over with. Too bad such a radical act would put his genius in danger; he couldn't do that to the world. He was a national, international and now intergalactic treasure.
"I shall take a shower," Loki informed him, and Tony managed a not-too-strangled hum in response. That was also dangerous territory, Loki and shower-required nakedness. He very much needed a distraction, yes.
The moment Loki had disappeared into the bathroom he threw himself into the walk-in, found something resembling pyjamas that would cover him head to toe, and quickly went to bury himself under the covers with a Stark-pad in hand. He couldn't just pretend to go to sleep right away – he still had his teeth to brush and his face to moisturise – so in the meantime he was going to do some goddamn work and not think of the shower he couldn't hear through his sound-proofed wall.
He couldn't work on Zola from here, but he could do some Iron Man suit redesigning. He did have many modifications he needed to work on, like space flight, magic, Hulk-smash proofing, Asgardian weapon-proofing, a better solution to Jötunn icing problems, the list was endless.
Tony didn't know when he fell asleep. He just knew he woke up with fuzzy teeth and a bad taste in his mouth, his tablet on top of the covers next to him with a dried smear on it that might or might not have been his own drool, and one hand outstretched to the centre of the bed where it most likely had been held all night by a now-absent soulmate.
"Good morning, Sir. I have been asked to inform you that breakfast is in fifteen minutes."
Tony groaned and abandoned his attempt at sitting up. A communal meal again? What had he done so wrong in his previous life?
"Sir, I have it on good authority that Captain Rogers has volunteered to drag you out of bed if you do not show up on time."
Tony groaned again and threw off the covers. "Who does he think he is, a drill sergeant? Fuck." When was he going to stop waking up like he had a goddamn hangover?
He managed to drag himself into the kitchen only two minutes late – he suspected J.A.R.V. had told them he was on his way because Steve didn't look like he'd been about to storm up like a self-appointed overbearing mother. Loki had clearly felt him coming because he was beside him the moment he stepped into the room, a cup of steaming coffee in hand.
Tony accepted it immediately and took a scorching sip of the nectar of the gods. "Oh my God I love you."
It was only when he'd downed the whole quadruple espresso that he caught up with what his mouth had dared say without his authorisation, and by then it was too late to be embarrassed and panicked about Loki feeling how true those words had been. It was something Tony would have said to anyone in this situation even if he wouldn't have meant it quite the same, and surely Loki would have interpreted it like the odd human expression that it was, right?
Yes, yes, look, Loki had already made it to his seat, which meant he totally hadn't thought about Tony's words twice. And no, Tony had no reason to feel hurt by that, God. It was a good thing Loki had not reacted at all, damn it. This whole being in love shit was a bitch.
At least Tony wasn't the only one tired this morning. Conversation at the table was sluggish and Tony happily concentrated on totally destroying his sunny-side ups and making it look like he'd actually eaten more than a few forkfuls. When J.A.R.V.I.S.' announcement came he couldn't be more grateful.
"Sir, I do apologise for interrupting, but I have finished the first calculations for the modifications of your new suit and you asked me to request your input the moment I was done." Tony had totally not done anything of the sort, so J.A.R.V.I.S. was most likely letting Tony know there was progress with Zola.
Bruce must have picked up on something because he said, "Is that the new chemical composition based on Asgardian armour that you were working on? Mind if I come?"
Since when was Bruce so good at coming up with lies? Plating like Asgardian armour, ha! His Iron Man suits were bulletproof enough as it was. And it was a good lie too – Clint and Natasha didn't look at all interested in following. Maybe he'd been worried for nothing, but these were spies. It would be a miracle if they hadn't noticed by now that there were secret conversations going on in the tower.
"It's gonna be boring but you can come if you want," he said with a nonchalant shrug and walked off without looking back.
It might even be true; J.A.R.V.I.S. had clearly found something on Zola's servers, but it might not be something essential. After all the timing of his 'calculations' was too perfect – he'd obviously been trying to save Tony from this torturous breakfast before Tony could do something like loading a spoonful of egg and aiming it at Clint's face because he was getting fucking bored.
"Make sure he doesn't overdo it," he heard Phil tell someone in an exasperated tone, though whether it was Loki or Bruce he had no idea. As if he needed someone to watch him! And besides, figuring out what the hell Hydra was up to was pretty damn important!
Though of course this could be Phil's way to act like he didn't give a shit about what Tony was working on, as long as he watched his health. They couldn't let their Avenger-spies-and-potential-double-agents know everyone except them was in on what was going on downstairs.
"Don't need a babysitter!" he threw over his shoulder for good measure, loud enough for them all to hear now that he was out of sight, before striding towards the elevator.
"Keep telling yourself that, Stark!" Melinda shouted back because she was determined to become more annoying than Natasha.
Bruce and Loki joined him, and the moment the elevator doors closed Tony glanced at the closest camera. "You're sure Clint and Natasha aren't up to something? Because they've been awfully quiet."
"I have not noticed anything that would indicate that they are aware of our activities, Sir. Nor that they are acting out of the ordinary, as far as I have managed to determine what their 'ordinary' is. However, if they do know something, I do not doubt they would only discuss it outside the range of my surveillance."
"They were indeed uncharacteristically quiet this morning. I was wondering myself if it was an attempt at keeping me from detecting any lies if they were to speak," Loki mused.
"I think you two are being paranoid," Bruce said with a shake of his head.
"And I think you underestimate those two because you don't know what they can do," Tony replied as they reached the workshop. "I've seen enough from S.H.I.E.L.D.'s archives to be damn well paranoid. And speaking of, you're monitoring the vents, right, J.A.R.V.? We don't need Clint dropping down from the ceiling again."
"Of course, Sir. No surveillance of any form can get close to the workshop without my notice."
Tony clapped his hands once. "All right, then. What have you got for us?"
"Though I do not have access to all the details, I believe I have stumbled upon a distressing project that Hydra has very recently updated."
Tony snorted. "I don't think there isn't anything non-distressing in Hydra, J.A.R.V."
"Indeed. Though this project involves helicarriers."
"Show me."
Loki, Bruce and him crowded around the closest screen, and spent the next few minutes looking at snippets of documents and images and the odd grainy video discussion between Zola and a dude that looked vaguely familiar. From all that it became increasingly clear that S.H.I.E.L.D. – quite possibly on the behest of Hydra from the start, or they'd high-jacked the thing halfway through – wanted to make more than the one helicarrier, intending to use them against alien invasions, with a whole satellite network to monitor space and shit. Project Insight. Neat, except Hydra didn't want to monitor space, but people, because helicarriers could just as easily shoot down civilians as they could alien spacecraft.
"That sure is… insightful," Bruce said when they'd seen it all.
"Oh my god, Bruce, that was awful," Tony groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Just awful. You should stay clear of the pun department, it really isn't your cup of tea. Leave the joking up to the jokesters and tricksters among us, okay?"
Of course Bruce only smirked, because he was a bastard, and said, "I think we should get Phil down here, no?"
Tony let himself drop into the closest chair, his momentum making the damn thing roll backwards, and he sighed. He got a feeling bringing Phil in would kill all of Tony's delightful plans in the bud – like firing up Zola so they could have a face-to-face and that damn Hydra-AI-zombie could tell him what the fuck he meant about his damn parents, because rooting through the thing's rotting brains was taking too goddamn long. But uncovered world-domination plans kind of took precedence.
"Anyone else for a chamomile?" Bruce asked from over by the drink station, and Tony royally ignored him, because chamomile, seriously? What he needed was a stiff scotch, not some damn herbal tea.
Tony nearly jumped out of his skin when something landed in his hair, but he quickly stilled when he realised it was Loki's hand. Was his goddamn soulmate petting him? That was— It was— Kind of nice, actually. After careful consideration. It sent tingles down his spine, and when that hand actually started to massage his scalp, those sharp nails barely scratching his skin in a most delightful way, he had to repress a moan.
Tony was torn between asking Loki what the actual fuck he thought he was doing, and asking him to never oh-please-god never stop, so in the end he gritted his teeth and said nothing. And pretended he couldn't feel the joy and smugness that bubbled along the bond.
XXXxxxXXXxxxXXXxxxXXXxxxXXX
At first Loki had not even realised where his hand had migrated to. He had felt Tony's alarm and annoyance at the appalling plans Hydra had for Midgard, and he had thought of conveying his support in some way, not sure what kind of amicable gestures would be accepted, given their latest disagreement at dinner and the lack of amicable conversation this morning (if one did not count Tony's unthinking 'I love you' statement that still burned most unpleasantly).
And then his hand had made it into Tony's soft hair of its own accord. And since Tony had not immediately shaken him off, well, he had made the most of it. Yes, Tony had not seemed pleased at first, stilling like a reticent feline on the verge of either jumping away or digging his nails into his face. And then Loki had switched from soft caresses to rubbing small circles into his soulmate's scalp, and Tony had – reluctantly – melted. Loki repressed a smile and continued his ministrations, even as he caught Bruce's rising eyebrows.
"Shut up," Tony growled as Bruce approached with two steaming cups, handing one to Loki even though he had not asked for a drink. Loki was not sure who Tony was addressing, so he accepted the cup with a grateful nod instead of a word of thanks, in case a lack of words would mean he could touch his soulmate for longer, despite the tension that had grown the moment Bruce approached.
"I didn't say anything," Bruce said, smiling into his cup. Loki very much wanted to order the Midgardian to stay silent as well when the reply made Tony stiffen in his seat. He gently grazed his nails over Tony's scalp in the way that had elicited a spike of pleasure along the bond earlier, and Tony's heightened guardedness marginally diminished.
Tony abruptly turned his chair so he faced the screen, and Loki almost lost his hold; he left his fingertips unmoving in the brown tufts, and since Tony didn't actively shake him off or rebuke him, he slowly resumed his ministrations. They spent the next ten minutes in silence, Tony angrily tapping away, Bruce loudly sipping his tea and Loki concentrating on the sensation under his fingers.
The elevator dinged loudly before delivering them a pinched-looking Phil Coulson.
"This better be good, Stark, especially with the whole pretending to be Fury thing."
Tony looked up at that, effectively dislodging Loki's fingers in the process. Loki surreptitiously clasped his hands around his cup.
"It's not good, it's bad, that's why I called you. And if there were any facsimiles of angry pirates, that was all J.A.R.V.I.S."
"I do apologise, Deputy Director. I thought that receiving a call from Director Fury would give you a plausible reason for disappearing without coming under suspicion."
Coulson sighed through his nose and crossed his arms. "So, what have you got."
"Why Phil, how nice of you to ask. I have Hydra's next plan for world domination, of course," Tony said with a grand gesture at the screen, which started to display the same pieces of information they had earlier. By the end of it Coulson's forehead was scrunched up into a deep frown.
"That's Pierce all right. I knew I always hated that guy, gives you the creeps. God, that's not good. Not good at all."
"No shit, Sherlock. I'm guessing you were never high up enough to have heard of Project Insight?" At Coulson's single headshake Tony smiled humourlessly. "And Fury would?"
"Probably was his idea. The protecting Earth part, not the world domineering part."
"And how sure are you of that? That Fury ain't Hydra?"
Coulson grimaced. "If you'd asked me that a few weeks ago, I'd have said one hundred percent sure, even if Fury has more secrets than S.H.I.E.L.D. and Hydra combined. But now, with… you know," he said, gesturing at his head in a wave-like motion.
"Tahiti," Tony said.
"It's a magical place," Coulson monotoned before glaring. "Thanks, Stark. I do so love to be reminded of my brainwashing."
"My pleasure," Tony said in a bright, sweet tone.
"Fuck off, Stark," Coulson answered in kind.
"You really should call me Tony. I thought we were friends!" Tony whined in that same faux-friendly voice.
"I'm regretting that decision. Anyway, I would not have thought Fury would ever join Hydra but… well. Lately stranger things have happened."
Tony tapped his fingers against the desk and hummed thoughtfully. "I guess there's only one way to find out." He turned his chair around and faced Loki. "How good are you at lie-detecting through video-calls?"
"Not as good as in person. And detecting lies on someone as experienced as Director Fury is tricky to begin with."
"Right. J.A.R.V., we'll be counting on you too, then. Micro-expressions, flush, heartbeat, the lot. Anything you can gather through the feed and any other means." He turned in his seat again. "Call Fury, for now audio only, on loudspeaker."
Ringing tones filled the workshop, and the instant one of these was cut short Tony was speaking. "Hey! If it ain't my favourite Captain Hook! What are you up to? Living the life in your castle in the sky?"
" Stark. What have you done this time?"
"Why does everyone always think I've done something? I mean, I didn't do 'something' alone. It was a group effort. So don't go blaming me."
" Stark!"
"Yes, well, I'm not saying anything until you're, you know, on a secure channel, secure location, no eavesdropping possibilities whatsoever. But don't worry, it's not because it's bad. I just don't want witnesses because it's embarrassing."
A door banged, followed by the echo of footsteps, showing Fury was on the move. Tony, with his usual lack of patience, said, "So? You Antarctica-level isolated yet?"
" I'll call you back."
Tony gestured at Loki to move aside – he supposed it was to give Fury the illusion he was only speaking to Tony once the call included video. A minute later the screen in front of them lit up with a photo of Fury, and Tony hit a button on his translucent keyboard.
" Spill," Fury growled, his eye twitching.
"No need to look so grumpy, I did a good thing. Though… I guess you won't be happy when you hear it. Anyway. What do you know about Project Insight?"
Coulson inhaled sharply, though the sound was soft enough that it might not have been picked up by the microphones. Loki rather felt like doing the same; this was not the best way to extract sensitive information. You didn't tell potential enemies what precious information you already had in hand. As always Tony's methods were distinctively reckless.
" Motherfucker. Stark, I thought I told you to get your A.I.'s grubby fingers out of my servers."
"Did you? My bad. J.A.R.V.I.S., bad boy! What did I tell you?"
"To not be like you, Sir."
"What? No! Of course you should be like me, I'm awesome! Who told you such a terrible thing!"
"Ah, perhaps it was Miss Potts, Sir. She is, after all, wise."
"Sounds like Pepper, all right. Sucking all the fun out of raising my cute little babies."
" Stark! Why are you really calling?" Fury's face was truly the definition of his name.
"I'm really calling about Project Insight. After all a fleet of helicarriers in the sky and a satellite surveillance network, that sounds pretty not-good to me."
Fury's nostrils flared minutely. " After your boyfriend decided to invade Earth I'd say it's a fucking necessity. Unless your boy-toy has brainwashed you into wanting to kneel to the next best motherfucking invader."
Tony's anger licked at the bond, but his tone remained congenial. "He's my soulmate, not my boyfriend, there's a very clear and important difference. As for my kneeling habits, they really aren't your business. Though now that you brought the subject up, have you been kneeling to anyone lately, Nick? Like unsavoury secret squid-like cults? Or was it an octopus? I can never remember."
This time Fury's face did betray surprise, and from what Loki could ascertain it seemed genuine. " What are you on about, Stark?"
"And here I thought their schtick was about cutting off heads, not legs. They really should fire the guy from the graphics department."
" Stark! Tell me what the fuck you found out!" The fear beneath the veil of anger looked genuine too, though whether that was from hearing about Hydra itself or the insinuation of Fury's connection to Hydra was unclear.
"That depends. Are you a squid-octopus or an eagle? Hydra or S.H.I.E.L.D.?"
" Stark, for the love of everything motherfucking holy—"
"Answer the question, Nick."
Fury's face twitched and his breathing was harsh. " I am and have always been S.H.I.E.L.D.. And those motherfucking Nazis are dead and buried."
Tony leaned back and looked at Loki. "So, what do you think?"
"From what I can tell he seems to be telling the truth."
"I concur, Sir," J.A.R.V.I.S. added.
Before Fury could interject with another scathing demand for answers, Coulson stepped up behind Tony. "I apologise for the interrogation, Sir, but given the evidence it was necessary."
" Coulson! What the hell is going on!"
"What's going on is that Hydra ain't dead, Nick," Tony said. "And I've been hacking one of their heads, which is why I know of the existence of Project Insight. And their plan to use it as their personal whack-a-mole feat Big Brother game. I don't know about you, but I don't feel like being shot down from the sky the next time I go on an Iron Man merch shopping spree."
" Hacking one of their— Coulson, you better explain—"
"Nuh-uh, I'm doing the talking here. My workshop, my rules. And my Hydra head. Don't think you can steal it from me. Really, whose brilliant idea was it to recruit Arnim Zola of all people? Clearly that Nazi arsehole wasn't going to play by the rules! He fucking transferred his brain into a supercomputer, Nick! Even I'm not that crazy!"
" Arnim Zola."
"Yes, you know, the Nazi nerd that worked with Red Skull—"
" Yes, I know my history, Stark! Now shut the fuck up and let someone sane explain this to me."
"Sane? You're one to talk! I'll let you know that—" Loki stepped up and covered Tony's mouth with his hand.
"This will go much faster if you let the Deputy Director do the talking, ástin mín." Tony mumbled more words behind his hand, annoyance coming off the bond in spikes.
" Thanks," Fury growled, and he looked like the taste of the word disgusted him. Loki sent the Midgardian a toothy smile, fully aware that on his Jötunn face it would look positively feral.
He pulled Tony's rolling chair backwards, still silencing Tony. His soulmate, like the child he was, licked his hand in an attempt to make him let go. As if that would work.
'YOU ONLY NEED TO BE SILENT FOR TWO MINUTES. I AM CERTAIN YOU WILL MANAGE,' Loki sent him in Morse Code. Tony merely huffed in response.
Coulson had stepped closer to the screen and smoothed down his tie. "Right. I'll start from the beginning, then. Two days ago Stark made a startling discovery as he… was snooping around S.H.I.E.L.D.'s top secret files." Fury made to open his mouth and Coulson held up his hand to stall him. "Hydra is still active. And they're hidden inside S.H.I.E.L.D."
Fury's single eye was as narrowed as it could be. " How sure are you of this?"
"Hundred percent. See, yesterday I sent an agent of mine, Melinda May, armed with Stark's technology, to retrieve one of Hydra's 'heads'."
" Zola," Fury supplied, catching up to what Tony had said earlier.
"Exactly. We have him right here, under wraps, his brain being hacked as we speak. And it's that hacking that has brought to light how they intend to hijack Project Insight for their own purposes."
" Motherfucker."
"I couldn't agree more," Phil finished glumly.
" And why the hell was I not told about any of this earlier?"
"Mmmh-mmhmmhm!" Tony exclaimed, arms crossed and not fighting against Loki's hold, though his shoulders were tense.
'TWO MINUTES ARE UP,' Tony sent him and Loki chuckled. Truly his soulmate did not have a shred of patience.
Fury rolled his eye, clearly knowing Tony would not cooperate much longer. " Fine, Stark, what?"
Loki removed his hand but didn't go far; he slid his fingers into the hair at the back of Tony's head so it would not be visible from the video call. Tony incrementally relaxed into his chair as he spoke.
"You can't blame us for not telling you anything upfront. I mean, first off you would have wanted me to stop hacking into your precious S.H.I.E.L.D., and then you would have vetoed our perfect plan to go get Zola, and you wouldn't have let J.A.R.V.I.S. be the one to root through Zola's brain, so duh we didn't tell you. You're a party pooper. And also, how the hell were we supposed to know if you're not with the bad guys, you know. You've got that whole angry one-eye black leather potty mouth vibe going on."
Fury's slowly released breath was loud enough to translate very clearly over the call. " Coulson?" he said with a lifted eyebrow.
"Well, I wouldn't have put it quite like that but… I must confess I agree with Stark. Kind of. It is after all hard to know who to trust."
" Fine. I'll want a more thorough report on what happened so far, in person. We don't want to get anything recorded right now. Who's in the loop?"
"All of us here, obviously," Tony said, gesturing at them. Bruce, who had been standing far enough away not to be visible, stepped up closer and waved. "And Melinda and Steve."
" So not Romanoff and Barton?"
"The most super of the superspies from the spy organisation are a bit hard to trust. No hard feelings," Tony said in a light tone.
" I doubt you can keep this from them for long, if they don't already know. Though I agree it's better to keep this from them for now. I don't believe they are Hydra but better safe than dead. I will tell Hill. I know for a fact she can't possibly be Hydra." Fury rubbed at his eyepatch and sighed. " Coulson, you keep me in the loop from now on. I want names. The bad ones, the good ones, the maybes. Coordinate with Hill to get some more people discreetly vetted, we're going to need more of a team than you people. And Stark, for fuck's sake, don't do anything stupid."
"Who, me? I would never!" Tony said with a hand over his heart. "And the first confirmed bad guy is Alexander Pierce. You can start with him."
" I knew I always hated that motherfucker for a reason," Fury growled. He rubbed at his eyepatch once more. " All right, we need to proceed carefully—"
"Yet with haste," Loki interrupted. "What was not made clear earlier in the Deputy Director's short recounting of events is that Zola's original 'head' was destroyed. Thus Hydra will know something happened. Of course as far as I understand it all traces of our interference have been removed but they will be suspicious nonetheless. Zola's 'head' was surviving fine since 1972 if I am not mistaken. For it to suddenly combust…"
" I want that full report ASAP, Coulson. And fine, proceed with haste, then, but fucking hell, be careful . If you make S.H.I.E.L.D. implode because you acted like fucking morons, I'm gonna personally shoot you in the balls, understood?"
"Aye-aye, captain! No blindly chasing after the croc with the clock! Gotcha," Tony said with what Loki understood to be a Midgardian military salute. The words, though, were nonsense to him. Another reference to Midgard's boundless cultures, no doubt.
" You better, Mr Smee," Fury answered. The bubble of Tony's amusement expanded as it was fed by a dollop of astonished joy. Tony loved to see his references understood and appreciated. Loki would still have a lot of studying to do in order to compete with the natives.
" Fury out." The screen went black.
Tony stretched his arms up, fingers interlocked, before rolling his chair up to the desk again. "All right then. Let's get this show on the road."
Fury is finally in the loop, yay! Now getting rid of Hydra can get underway properly and we can start having some fun with other things. *cups hand against ear* Did I hear anyone say Winter Soldier?
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