"I feel like everyone here wants to kill me, Michelle!"

"Well, maybe if you English would just stop terrorizin' everybody fer five minutes, we wouldn't be in this fuckin' mess!"

Twenty-something cousins James Maguire and Michelle Mallon were wandering around a giant room filled with people from around the world on a giant treehouse-like thing that served as a giant lunar colony run by a (previously) semi-secret global paramilitary organization of children called the Kids Next Door. The two had been brought there alongside countless others who escaped the chaos of the alien invasion of Earth.

Actually, James was still trying to wrap his head around everything.

"Again with the English thing—"

"First it was that tapioca-obsessed fascist Grandfather prick and now that boy who went on TV callin' us all 'infected' like we have fuckin' AIDS or somethin'!"

"Come on! How was I supposed to know they were English?"

"Are ya hearin' yerself, James? 'How do I know they're English?' The accents, ya bloody git."

He took out his mobile phone and checked the screen. No signal.

Just like the past few weeks.

Of course, they were on the Moon.

Didn't it get destroyed after that Australian family escaped from there?

Oh. That was faked.

"Honestly, I didn't know these kids took it over first," Michelle commented. "And here I was, thinkin' I wouldn't be forced to deal with an alien invasion backed with God knows what with a bunch of tykes armed with…whatever they're armed with. Why don't they have armalites or somethin'?"

"God," James said in exasperation, "what I wouldn't give for a signal."

"Our friends still in the emergency contacts?"

"Yes, Michelle."

"Well, those kids in the spaceship said to show yer mobile to the Kids Next Door Communications Department."

"Okay, but there's thousands of kids! And I doubt the ones wearing pots for helmets can work a radio! How do we know who's even in the Kids Next Door, let alone those in the communications department? We didn't even know they existed until a few weeks ago! How can we even find—"

"We ask the lassies playing with their Rainbow Monkeys."

"What?"

Michelle pointed to a gaggle of young girls playing with a bunch of Rainbow Monkey stuffed animals on the floor. "James, those girls had to have come from somewhere in this lunar colony, maybe they came from the communications people."

"Why not just check if our families and friends are there?" James pondered.

The woman scoffed. "We could. But the last time I saw Erin's sister was five years ago. She's a teen now, she's probably thinkin' about lads or money or GCSEs or somethin' fer sure."

Oh. Of course Anna Quinn wouldn't be interested in playing with dolls by this point.

Among the girls surrounded by those dolls was an Asian girl with an oversized green sweater seated on a small table playing tea party with a bunch of Rainbow Monkeys, with Rainbow Monkey tea cups and tea pots to match.

Michelle pulled her cousin in her direction. "Oi! Lass!" Michelle called out. The girl turned to look at the two adults. "Mind if we join the tea soirée? We came out of Derry and I seriously need a drink after all that madness down there. Oh, and don't worry, it'll be quick! We'll get out of yer hair faster than the Rainbow Monkey theme song."

Before James could react, the girl said, "Sure! You can join my Tea Party Tickles Rainbow Monkey! Ooh! I'll also being my Tasty Crumpets Rainbow Monkey! We'll have twice the fun!"

"Can we get some milk while we're at it, please?" Michelle added.

"Sure! Coming right up!" She stood up and frolicked away.

"That was quick," James said.

"Well, didn't you people develop an addiction to tea?" Michelle quipped.

The girl returned to the table with the crumpet-themed Monkey, a fresh pot of tea, sugar cubes, and small cups of milk. She poured the tea onto her guests' cups before pouring her own. She turned to the Tea Party Tickles Rainbow Monkey and asked it, "Would you like one lump or two?" After a few seconds, she dropped two sugar cubes onto its cup, then turned to the other Rainbow Monkey and said, "And you get only one lump, because you've been gaining weight! You're chubby enough as it is!" Then she dropped a cube into that stuffed toy's cup. Turning to the cousins, she asked, "How about you guys?"

"Uh, we'll just take the milk, thank you," James said as he picked up two cups of the milk and poured them into his and Michelle's cups. Afterwards, the girl dropped another two cubes onto her own cup.

The three of them sipped from their tea cups. She made a decent cup, Michelle thought.

"So," the girl chirped, "let me introduce myself! My name is Kuki Sanban, but my friends call me 'Numbuh 3'!"

"I'm sorry," James interjected. "Number three?"

"It's 'Num-buh'," Kuki said, "but that's okay!"

"So yer one of those Kids Next Door kids?" Michelle asked.

"Yep!"

"Great! Sounds like a high rank!" James said ecstatically.

"Oh, but I'm just an operative. But I do know the Supreme Commander of the Kids Next Door! We used to be in the same sector back home."

"Okay, but do you think they can help us find the communications department?" James asked. "We're looking for our friends and family."

"And can we make it quick?" Michelle added nervously, "I mean, two adults having a tea party with a pre-teen girl isn't such a good look fer us."

"I can take you there myself! After this tea party, of course."

Once all the tea was used up, the girl nicknamed "Numbuh 3" took Michelle's hand and led her across the cavernous maze of rooms in the lunar colony. James could keep up with her just fine, though. She wasn't exactly an Olympic sprinter.

"There!" Kuki called out. "The Communications Officers!" She was pointing at a row of desks where people were showing their mobiles and address books to a bunch of kids copying them in all sorts of ways, from writing them down on sheets of paper to placing them on photocopiers. Because of the mayhem from the invasion, people were being served on a first-come, first-served basis. Behind them were rows of TVs tuned to different channels. Many of them were tuned to the news, all covering the invasion.

"Christ, that's way too many people," Michelle said.

"Maybe we can skip ahead?" James ventured. "That seems like that's what they're doing."

"Skip ahead, like that's such a fantastic idea," Michelle replied with sarcasm.

Thankfully, for both of the cousin's sanities, the three of them had filtered to the front and found themselves facing a blond boy in a blue long-sleeved shirt in his desk, seated in front of a TV tuned to German television, showing the aftermath of the aliens' attack on the Netherlands' dikes.

"Numbuh 35!" Kuki called out. "These two want to talk to you about something!"

"Hi," James said to him. "We've just arrived from Derry and we're looking for our friends. We're looking specifically for three adults, Erin Quinn, Orla McCool, and Clare Devlin."

"Okay," the boy said in an American accent, "what are your names?"

"Yeah," Kuki said, "I didn't get them."

"Oh, uh, James Maguire and Michelle Mallon," Michelle responded.

Numbuh 35 handed James a pen and a sheet of paper. "Can you write down their numbers?"

James complied and wrote them down. "Alright, but how can we contact them?" he questioned. "We don't have any signal."

"Well, normally we'd use our own comms systems to reach any telephone on Earth, but with the cyberattacks frying our systems, we're forced to put things on paper. But we still have walkie-talkies and radios, and we can search the Moonbase for them."

"Just tell us where they are and we'll go there, lad," Michelle said.

Numbuh 35 turned around in his chair and called out to a portly boy with a strainer on his head seated further away from him, "Numbuh 65.3! We have two adults looking for Erin Quinn, Orla McCool, and Clare Devlin!"

Numbuh 65.3 acted on his request and called out on a microphone, "Operatives, be on the lookout for Erin Quinn, Orla McCool, and Clare Devlin. Report back when they're in sight."

"Alright," Numbuh 35 said, "just sit back and we'll take care of it."

"Oh, thank you so much!" James said.