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Chapter 18 – Unexpected News and Old Anxieties

Their home in Oxfordshire was lovely. It reminded Wanda of the one in the Netherlands with a coziness that was difficult to capture. Peter loved school in a way that he couldn't describe. He didn't make a ton of friends, but he made a few very good ones quickly. Although he had been worried about bullies, it turned out that his good nature seemed to protect him here in a way it hadn't in Queens. Wanda adored the Oxford campus and found her lectures and classes fascinating. They quickly fell into a rhythm. Wanda tried to make friends on campus, but her personality was much more "watch and wait" when it came to those around her. Understandably, she had a few trust issues.

Natasha met her on Tuesdays and Thursdays after she met with her advisor, with the understanding that if a friend or new potential friend invited her to lunch, they could cancel. Wanda never did. They would have lunch, then spend the afternoon training. It was a gym where the public could be in attendance, so utilizing her powers was a no-go. She saved that for the weekend. She would take long walks – sometimes with Steve, sometimes with Natasha, sometimes they would all go. It was amazing the park and trail clearing she could do with her magic. It made her smile to think about it - she preferred it to anything violent, and it made everyone else happy that she was using her powers, not allowing herself to get too weak again. She had scared everyone in New York, even herself a bit.

Just before the holiday season began, Wanda was the first to realize that Natasha was behaving oddly. She was quieter than usual – and was keeping very much to herself. She thought she was leaving quietly – without drawing attention – on a Saturday morning. Steve was out running – Peter would be sleeping for several more hours. What she didn't realize was that Wanda was already awake.

"What are you doing up so early?" Natasha asked, as she walked onto the front porch with her travel cup of tea and her purse. Wanda was curled onto the swing with a light blanket and her own cup of tea.

Wanda smiled wryly. "I have a lot of early classes this semester. If I sleep in on weekends, it messes me up and – " she shrugged – "well, you know; insomnia." Natasha nodded. She supposed she knew Wanda didn't sleep in late – she just wasn't thinking about it. Distraction had been heavy upon her lately.

"Okay. Well. I'll be back before lunch – I left Steve a note on the table."

"Where are you going?" Her tone indicated that she understood her mentor and mother figure was hiding something.

Natasha was silent and stared at Wanda. For most people, it would have intimidated them enough to apologize and never ask again. She and Wanda were beyond the point. The witch smiled gently. The older woman sighed. "I'm not going to tell you. If you want to come, I won't stop you." Wanda took that as an invitation and laid aside the blanket and teacup, stepping into the house for just a moment to grab her purse and boots.

She was silent for the first ten minutes of the drive, as she sensed Natasha wanted. But then she began catching visible signs of nerves – which were not even slightly in the realm of normal for the retired Black Widow.

"Is everything okay?" She asked, trying to keep her own voice calm.

"In general – yes. More specifically, I'm not sure," Natasha admitted. "I think I'm pregnant. But that shouldn't be possible – so I'm kind of freaked out."

Wanda smiled brightly. "That would be amazing – if it's true."

"We'll see," Natasha said, tightly. She was clearly, and understandably, not interested in getting her hopes up. The doctor's office was quiet for a Saturday morning and Natasha was called back almost immediately. She allowed Wanda to come into the room while she waited on the results of the blood and urine tests.

The woman entered the room smiling. "Congratulations, Mrs. Rushmann. You are pregnant." Wanda smiled and clasped her hand but Natasha maintained her composure and a neutral expression as she spoke to the doctor.

"I was under every impression that I couldn't get pregnant," Natasha told the doctor, honestly. "There was a procedure, when I was younger. It didn't go well. I was told that I could never become pregnant." A change in the story was necessary. She couldn't explain to this doctor a world in which a thirteen-year-old would be sterilized against her will in order to become a more efficient assassin.

"What type of procedure was it?" She was primarily sure she'd had her tubes tied – but she certainly couldn't share that information.

"I don't know," she said. "I was young. Thirteen. I wasn't included in the conversation."

The doctor studied her and clearly picked up on her discomfort. "I don't normally do ultrasounds this early, but if it would make you feel better, we can take a look." Natasha nodded and offered a strained smile in thanks. Within ten minutes, she was lying on a table, watching the doctor point to the monitor and explain what she was seeing. It was enough for Natasha to believe that this was happening. She took the doctor's instructions along with the prescription for prenatal vitamins.

When they arrived back at the car, Wanda finally spoke. "Are you okay?"

"I'm not sure," she answered, honestly. She wiped at the few tears that had escaped her eyes.

"Do you want me to drive?" Wanda asked helpfully. Steve and Natasha had both been trying to teach her. So far, the results had been mildly terrifying for all involved.

"Definitely not," she said with a wet laugh.

When they arrived home, Natasha sat in the car, making no movement. Wanda looked at her carefully and eventually took her hand. "I can't imagine how scary this is. But if decide it's what's right, you're going to be an amazing mom. You already are."

"Thank you," she whispered. She shook her head, trying to steady herself. "Can you get Peter out of the house for a little while? I need to talk to Steve."

"Of course."

After she heard the door close and the two teens walk away, she found Steve in the living room. She sat on the sofa nearest to him. "Steve, do you have a few minutes? We need to talk."

"Of course." He set his book aside and looked over at her, his concern evident. "Are you okay?"

"I will be," she responded. "I wasn't feeling quite right – something felt off. So, I went to the doctor this morning. It's not supposed to even be possible, but I'm pregnant."

"How?" Steve asked, his expression one of surprise and shock.

"I'm not completely sure," she told him, biting her lip nervously during a pause before continuing. It looked wrong on her; she was never visibly nervous. "I couldn't explain what really happened – but I told the doctor that I'd been told before that I couldn't have children. She did an ultrasound and told me that my fallopian tubes on the right are severed – but on the left, they're connected. She said sometimes they can grow back together – but she didn't think that was possible because of my age. She doesn't know how old I really am – or that I have a weaker version of the serum in my system. But if they can grow back together over time, that could be what happened. The Red Room wouldn't have been worried – most black widows don't live long enough to make that an issue. Your super-soldier sperm probably also helped the situation along quite a bit. Apparently they're not easily dissuaded." Her speech was much more rapid than usual, concerning her husband even more.

Steve was staring at her. "Please, say something," she implored finally, her voice uncharacteristically revealing the fear that was crippling her.

"I can't believe this is real," he said softly.

She took a deep breath and blew it out again. "If you don't want to do this – I understand. But I don't think I can end it – I won't expect – "

"What?" Steve demanded. "You think I would want that?"

"You're not giving me much feedback to work with here, Steve." Her eyes were large and questioning as she stared at him.

"I'm – no, no – Natasha. I would never want that. I'm sorry – I'm just surprised. And kind of terrified."

"You think I'm not?" She asked, her eyes pained. She needed some kind of reassurance. Steve wanted to kick himself for not being quicker to offer the support she needed desperately. He took her hands and squeezed them as he knelt on the floor in front of her. He hugged her fiercely, then pulled away so their eyes met.

"I never thought this was possible – but I'm happy. So happy. It's something I haven't allowed myself to even consider since they brought me out of the ice."

"You're happy?" She asked.

"I am," he said confidently, smiling brightly for the first time since the conversation began. "Are you?"

She shook her head and shrugged, offering a half smile. "I don't really know. I think so – but you know all of the stereotypes about pregnancy hormones? They're true. I'm a mess. I've been crying for two days." He scooted closer and offered an embrace, which she accepted.

"I can't believe we're having a baby," he said breathlessly. She pulled back to look him in the eye.

"Babies," she whispered.

Steve looked for a solid minute as though he was going to pass out. She was grateful that he was kneeling. He recovered eventually. "Babies?"

She nodded. "Just two, right?" She nodded, smiling.

"Just the two." They kissed gently.

They were in the kitchen, making tea – and offering a reassuring hug to one another, when the teens returned. Wanda was grinning, but Peter was understandably confused.

"What's with the impromptu hugging?" Peter asked, going directly for the refrigerator. Wanda held it closed, causing him to turn to look at Natasha and Steve. "What's up?" He asked, his senses clearly now on alert.

"It's quite unexpected, but we're having babies," Natasha told him finally. Peter looked a bit green.

"Babies?" He asked. "As in multiple? More than one?"

Natasha nodded, smiling at his expression of shock. "Just two, though. Not too crazy."

"Um, yeah. That would be – wow. That's – wow." Wanda was thinking she would need to kick him to stop him from repeating himself indefinitely, but he finally recovered from his shock and smiled genuinely.

"Congratulations! That's very cool." He hugged Natasha, trying to remember how long it had been since he'd become an entire head taller than her.

The conversation continued as they sat on the back porch, Natasha, Wanda, and Steve with tea and a few cookies while Peter ate an apple, three peanut-butter and jelly sandwiches, and a small container of trail mix. It would tide him over until dinner.

"So, like. When are the babies coming?" he asked, in-between bites.

"They're due in mid-July – but multiples have a way of coming early, so the doctor said to be prepared for as early as the beginning of June."

"Wow," Peter said. "Wow." Wanda looked at him, trying to decide what he was thinking. Something was wrong and very un-Peter like. Normally, Natasha would have been the first to notice – but she was a bit preoccupied with her situation.

"What is the matter with you?" Wanda asked later that evening, going out to the back porch to sit next to Peter. She poked him rather hard as she asked, indicating her lack of happiness with him. "Natasha and Steve are happy – and you showed all the excitement of a wet blanket." She could jump in his brain and see for herself, but she tried not to do that when it wasn't necessary.

"No, no – I'm very happy for them," Peter assured her.

"Then what is the matter with you?" She repeated her question in exasperation. The exasperation one sometimes felt when both blessed and burdened by a little brother.

"I just don't really know where I'm going to go." Her eyes widened as she began to understand where his brain – his very anxious and self-deprecating brain – had gone.

"What are you talking about? Why would you go anywhere?"

"I can't stay – they're having their own kids. They don't need me taking up space and giving them more to worry about."

Wanda raised her eyebrows at him and fought off the urge to smack him. "Peter, Natasha will lock you in your room if you try to leave. And Steve will allow it. They're not going to expect – or want – you to go anywhere." Peter shrugged and she could tell that she hadn't convinced him.

He was slightly more convinced the next morning when Natasha woke him up by smacking him – rather hard - with a pillow. "Ow," he said, sitting up, using his hands to keep the pillow away from his face as she continued to swing it. "Is there any specific reason you're beating me awake?" He asked. Natasha stopped, the pillow dropping to the bed. She folded her arms angrily across her chest.

"Because apparently you're much stupider than I thought," she told him. He could tell from her voice and her eyes that she had been crying.

"This is an abnormal way to say good morning," he protested. He saw that Steve was standing inside the door, watching with a bit of concern, but mostly amusement. "Are you going to help me at all?"

"No," Steve said with a somewhat amused smile. "No – this is better."

"You are not going anywhere," Natasha told him angrily, tears still welling. She wiped them away with ferocity. "Not now, not when the babies come. Not until you go to college – and even then – we'll see." He looked beyond Natasha and saw then that Wanda was watching with uncloaked delight from the hall.

"You told them?" He asked.

"You seemed worried," she informed him with a smile and a twinkle in her eye. "I thought I might help."

"And just for considering it, you're grounded for two weeks," Natasha told him.

"What?" Peter asked, bewildered.

"Would three be better?"

"No, two is fine," he said meekly. "I'm sorry. I just thought – "

"Well, it was stupid," Natasha informed him. She picked up the pillow and smacked him upside the head one more time before bolting from the room. Steve followed her. Wanda laughed as she took in Peter's incredulity.

"You're welcome," she told him, before disappearing. Peter sat in bed, staring at the wall, trying to swallow the overwhelming feelings that were still plaguing him.

That evening, Peter was sitting alone in the backyard, in a swing Steve had built the looked towards the woods. He felt it move slightly as he was joined by Natasha. The evening had cooled and she handed him part of a blanket, pulling it over them both. "I'm very sorry for overreacting this morning. And beating you with a pillow."

"I'm just glad it was a pillow," Peter said. "Because wow. You can hit. And that was just with a pillow."

"I am sorry."

"I know." She put her arms around him and pulled him against her, his head eventually rested on her shoulder. They sat in silence for a long time.

"You haven't eaten much today."

"I'm just kind of tired. I'm okay," He promised.

She studied him and brushed hair from his brow. "Your anxiety is still acting up." It wasn't a question, and she really didn't need him to verify it, but he nodded. She held his hand and squeezed it before speaking again. "I need you to listen to me, very carefully." He nodded.

"I know how much you've been through. And I know it makes it very difficult to trust that people are going to stay put. You've lost so much. And you don't give yourself nearly enough credit for being the wonderful, amazing, kind, intelligent person you are. But I need you to believe me when I tell you that we are not going anywhere in your life. We are not leaving you behind – we are not trading you in, we are not sending you off on your own without a safety net. There is no situation in which you do no continue to be our son. This is an unconditional truth now."

She kissed his head and held him while he buried his face against her and cried, months and years of fear and doubt taking this opportunity to finally break their hold, allowing his to breathe a little easier.

When I started writing this story, the Black Widow movie wasn't out yet - so although it was general knowledge that Natasha had undergone some sterilization procedure, we didn't know which one. So, I had always been it in my brain as tubal ligation or something similar. Clearly, if this was following canon where she, Yelena, and every other Widow went through a full hysterectomy, this chapter wouldn't have been possible. But, this whole story stops following canon during Civil War.

Thank for your reading! Please leave your thoughts and comments and reviews!