I have about 7 other stories with my ultimate OT4 in progress, but instead I had the random urge to write this. I'm so sorry Childe. This story stems from my own personal experiences with my family so please double check the Trigger Warnings and only read if you are comfortable with them and will be safe.

TW: description of family trauma (arguing with parents), its aftermath, and a brief description of Childe having a "collar" from his relationship with Baizhu, Diluc, and Zhongli (his thigh strap).

Childe never thought that anything would be more painful than his emergency trip back to Snezhnaya after his time stuck in Fountain, but as he now sat alone in a boat slowly drifting across the sea, he knew he was wrong. His entire body felt numb even though the worst of his injuries had already healed. His eyes were unfocused as he stared at the expanse of blue water slowly growing darker as the sun set. Childe had always loved sunsets, but not even their comfort could ease the stinging in his eyes as he ignored the tears that slowly fell. The Harbinger had always prided himself on his strength and what he could endure, but nothing could have ever prepared him for the mental pain he was in after the fight he had with his family.

Leaving Fountaine was a difficult task after his location was finally revealed. Having to maintain his Foul Legacy form for as long as he did just to be able to hold his own against the massive whale almost killed him. He didn't even have the strength to hold himself upright as his subordinates had to practically drag him secretly to a ship headed to Snezhnaya and away from any enemy eyes. Dipping in and out of consciousness, Childe almost missed Dottore sprinting down the long corridors to get to him. He regretted not being able to make a joke about the doctor actually caring about him, but blood pooled his mouth any time he tried to speak forcing Dottore to snap at him to stop trying to speak.

"I'm only doing this on the Tsaritsa's orders." He added with a softer tone than one would have expected; seeming to understand what Childe had wanted to say. Childe rolled his eyes, the Harbingers would never admit to caring about each other, but they knew they each had a role to play and needed to survive until the Tsaritsa gave them the order to rest.

Childe had been stuck in the medical ward for weeks to allow for him to be watched closely as he practically buzzed out his skin at being forced to do nothing for so long. He had always said how grateful he was for having two families, the one he was born with and another that he found; and he was itching to see both of them. He had been doing everything he could to keep his found family in Liyue updated to hopefully prevent his stubborn boyfriends from breaking down the doors to the palace just to be able to see him, but he knew he would never be able to fully satisfy them until he saw then in person again. As for his other family, he hadn't been able to come back to Snezhnaya for a while and was thrilled at having an excuse to be able to see them. He begged anyone who would listen to him to let him out, but no one was willing to go against Dottore and help him slip away for a visit.

It took another couple of weeks before Dottore did one last checkup and unceremoniously told him to get out once he finished. Childe didn't have to be told twice and sprang up fast enough to cause Dottore to wince at the sudden movement that he knew pulled at his stitches and sore muscles, but Childe was out of the door before he could even think about saying anything.

"He'll be back in less than two months." Dottore grumbled to one of his subordinates with a shake of his head as he strode out of the room and returned his attention fully back to his lab.

Childe had gotten to his family's home in record time, beaming when his little siblings ran out yelling his name. He didn't even notice the pain as they squeezed him tightly and talked excitedly all at once. It had been pure bliss. Childe never expected that to change.

On the first day his parents behaved, letting him chat with his siblings to his heart's content. On the second day, Childe ignored their snide comments about him, brushing everything off. He was used to this. He knew his parents didn't approve of him being a part of the Fatui, even though they played no small part in him joining them in the first place. By the third day, Childe's muscles tensed and grew more sore from the effort of holding his tongue. He focused on his breathing instead. The fourth day, he took a trip to the market with his older siblings for a break and then avoided his parents for the rest of the day. On the fifth day, Childe would never be able to say when the yelling started.

Childe's feet felt rooted to the ground as he tried not to move, desperately trying to keep his emotions from exploding as he argued with his parents. He didn't know what had started the argument. He knew his parents always crossed the line, but every time he has always found an excuse to brush it off. To be a good son. To not add to the problem. To not create more stress. He knew he wasn't respected, but nothing had prepared him for realizing he was barely loved. He had sacrificed so many things over the years to try and do the best for his family, to make them proud, to make him worthy of even the slightest things, but still they tried to hold any bit of power they could over him and threaten him with anything they could get their hands on. Threatening to not let him visit, to move away, to keep his beloved siblings from him, anything they could think of.

"He's just trying to motivate you to do better!" His mother said in defense of the threats his father was practically famous for.

"How could threatening to ruin my life be motivational?!" He yelled back; disbelief all over his face.

"As if not seeing them would ruin your life." His father scoffed.

"It would!" His family was everything to Childe, being separated would break him in a way overusing his Foul Legacy never could.

"He would never do that though!" His mother tried again.

"I don't know that."

"Yes, you do!" His mother scoffed, having the nerve to look offended.

"No, I don't."

"It doesn't matter. I'm telling you he wouldn't."

"I don't care that he supposedly wouldn't!" Childe protested, "I care that he thinks he could say something like that! How do you say something like that to your CHILD?!"

Any other excuse they could think of to explain their behavior feel on deaf ears as Childe finally realized something. Not once in their entire conversation had either one of his parents apologized to him for what they did, or even admitted it. His mother claimed to not remember anything he brought up, and his father couldn't even see how wrong it was. They had been arguing for a while when Childe just stopped and stared. It was pointless. He wanted an apology, and honestly, he would have even taken a fake one at that point, but it was obvious it would never come. He wanted them to admit what they had done, that it was wrong, that he had been a child, but they couldn't even do that. He wasn't even worth a conversation to them.

Childe might have been the one who ended the argument and walked out the door, but his parents were the ones who slammed shut behind him.

The world seemed dull as Childe dragged his feet through the eternal snow. Five days. He really thought he would have made it longer. Now what? He couldn't go back. If he went back, he wasn't sure he would ever stop yelling once he started. Back to the palace? He certainly did not feel like one of the great and mighty Harbingers of the Tsaritsa right now, besides, he didn't want any of them to see him with streaks on his face and red eyes. All he knew was that he wanted to go home, and there was only one place in the entire world that he could think of that was worthy of being called that.

There was a single cargo ship heading to Liyue that night, and after learning that it was a Harbinger who was asking, the captain was more than happy to give him his cabin and take him across the sea in hopes it would earn the Tsaritsa's favor one day. The numbness enveloped him like the waves crashing against the ship as he barely moved from where he sat. His face felt stiff from the dried tears that covered his face that he stubbornly tried to ignore, for once not for the sake of his own pride, but in the hopes that he wouldn't start crying again. He really didn't want to cry because he knew if he started again then that dam that he had locked inside of him so long again might never be sealed again.

Childe couldn't even think of what he was supposed to do or say. He just didn't want to be him that night. He didn't want to be a Harbinger; he didn't want to be Childe in that moment. He just wanted to be the boy who had lost his family. At least for a minute. Before he knew he would have to hold his head up and continue on. He knew in his heart that he would. He had worked too hard to let anything stop him, but that didn't mean that it didn't hurt. That didn't mean that even though he had seen this coming for years, that he still wished it wasn't true. That it could have been fixed. He had tried. He had tried so hard to fix it though. Why did it seem like he was the only one who had tried though? Why was he the only one to be reaching out even though he had been burned so many times? Why? Why had he kept trying? Why had he never learned?

A blast of frozen sea air and the ship creaking as it dipped with the waves jolted him out of the spiral his mind had trapped him in. Right. He wasn't supposed to be thinking for a reason. He gripped his thigh, rubbing at the belt on his left leg that had been placed there with so much love and affection. The subtle makeshift collar provided some comfort to his jumbled mind as he tried to match his breathing to the gentle lull of the waves. He leaned heavily against the open window of the ship, he knew he wouldn't be able to get any sleep and instead watched as the high cliffs of Liyue slowly came into view. The golden leaves on the trees seeming to glow in the light of the fading sun and eased a bit of the tension that had invaded Childe's heart and soul.

The time from the ship's captain knocking on the door to the moment that Childe found himself frozen in pace five steps from the door was a complete blur to him. He had gone this entire time wanting nothing more than to see his boys, but now, he wasn't sure he could take those last five steps. What was he supposed to say? What did he even want to hear right now? He felt too fried to even ask for the comfort he craved with his entire being. Did he even deserve it then? He knew his boys would say that he did, but a small part of him was terrified that they wouldn't.

Childe took one step, just wanting to hide away from the world. A second for the desire to ignore all the problems he had ever faced. But he took a third step for the love he felt for Baizhu. A fourth for Diluc. The fifth, and the final step for Zhongli. He shouldered the door open for the trust he had in all three of them. He didn't know what he wanted. He didn't know what would help him. All he knew was how much he loved his boys, and if he could just be with them, then they would be able to figure it out.

His whole body slumped when he walked through the door. He barely managed to rip his boots off before he dragged his feet to cross the hallway towards their bedroom. He knew at his hour all of his boys would be asleep, and as much as he wanted comfort, he refused to wake any of them up just for that. He sighed when he reached the bedroom door, debating about opening it or if he should just go sleep on the couch so he doesn't disturb them. He was just about to turn away from the door to head back towards the living room when the door was almost ripped off his hinges from how suddenly it was pulled open.

Childe gasped in shock when Diluc's concerned face suddenly filled his vision. He had been woken up by the sound of Childe entering, but when he heard his feet dragging like that, he knew something was wrong.

The look was more than Childe could take though. "I'm sorry." He choked out, tears immediately started to well up again. "I'm sorry I-"

Childe never got a chance to finish his sentence before Diluc had wrapped both of his arms around him and pulled him tightly into his chest. He securely tucked held the back of his head as he tucked his face into his neck.

"Don't speak." Diluc spoke gently when Childe failed to form a sentence after a couple of attempts. He rubbed the back of his neck and the base of his neck and held on to his back tightly with his other hand. He had no idea what had happened, but something had obviously affected Childe deeply. They didn't need to speak. Childe didn't need to try and talk about it right now, he just needed to be held. Need to feel their love as deeply as he felt his pain so he could never forget its presence. Childe had been sniffling nonstop since he saw Diluc, but when another pair of arms wrapped around both of them, he could no longer hold back.

"Easy." Zhongli soothed, his voice still deep from sleeping. "We're right here."

The three of them stood there for another couple of minutes before Zhongli slowly started to guide them back towards the bed that Baizhu had just finished setting up with all of Childe's favorite pillows and blankets. None of them had a clue as to what was going on, but it didn't matter to any of them. Their precious boy was upset, and they would move earth and all of Celestia to fix that.

Childe barely said a word the entire time the four of them were burrowed in the bed, but the Baizhu, Diluc, and Zhongli took their time easily reminding him of their love. Their voices filling the void he felt deep in his heart and constantly reminded him of their presence, and the soft atmosphere slowly eased the uneasiness he felt in his soul. He didn't know what to do next, but now that he was home and with his found family, it suddenly didn't feel as scary to figure out anymore.

There will definitely be more of this pairing as it's my absolute favorite, but also check out my other stories for more of them. Thank you so much for reading, if you have a second, please leave a like/comment as they greatly help to improve my writing and motivate me. Check out my profile for even more Genshin Impact, and swing by my Insta ( kiera540writing) to see story updates. See y'all next time! ~Kiera540