"Fix this?" JJ whispered, her voice tight with anger. "Fix what? All the horror I've had to see? Or the fact that you all treat me like your personal slave?" Her voice hardened. "I want you to get out. Get out of my office, leave me the hell alone."
JJ turned away from Gideon. She was expecting him to resist, but a moment later, she heard the door to her office shut softly. She took a deep breath to calm down, shocked at her own words and anger. After a couple of minutes, she felt calmer and returned to sit at her desk. She pulled a pen and paper over and started to write.
Five minutes later, she had signed her short note and was heading out of her office. She walked the short distance to Garcia's office and entered the empty space. JJ placed her note on the desk, turned around, and walked back out.
Garcia hummed to herself as she returned to her office. She had gone looking for JJ, wanting her friend's help with some camera footage she needed to review, but had come up empty on her search. Figuring that JJ was busy doing something related to the media, she settled in her chair to start the first video. As she went to type something into her computer, she stopped.
"What's this?" she asked herself.
Garcia picked up the paper sitting on top of her keyboard and unfolded it to find a note. Her eyes immediately dropped to the bottom of the page in search of a name, causing her to gasp.
"JJ? What is this?" she said out loud as she forced herself to return her attention to the top of the page.
Penelope-
Thank you for always being a wonderful friend to me. This isn't goodbye, by any means, but I need some time. Time to calm down, to return to myself. This job has been a blessing, because I got to meet you- I got a sister! But this job is also a curse, which I know you can understand better than anyone.
I see so much that nobody else in this building does. I get dozens of case files coming across my desk each week, and most of them sit in a pile for a really long time. Inside those files are things nobody could ever dream up, but they are cases that aren't in dire need of the BAU's attention. The things I've seen and read about in those files leave me feeling sick to my stomach and give me nightmares.
Nobody knows about that, though, because I know how to mask the pain quite well- I've had plenty of practice at that. This past week was hard and proved to me that the BAU don't see me as a part of their team- I'm a means to an end so that they don't have to deal with the hard parts of cases. The way I was treated after Spencer's abduction showed me that the one person who actually cares is you... And I guess Spencer, too, but he had his own things to deal with.
I can't keep working on this team if I am constantly going to be treated as the outsider, sent to do their bidding as if I am an insignificant minion. I am a human being, just like everyone else, and I do occasionally need them to admit that. I don't do the job for the acknowledgement, but it would be nice if they would at least say thank you to me once in a while.
So, this note is just a heads up. I don't want you to be blindsided by my absence in the coming weeks. I have plenty of saved leave- I'm planning on using it to go visit someone who really does love me for me. Please don't tell anyone where I will be- New Orleans.
Penelope, I won't leave forever, so don't panic. I am coming back, eventually. Again, thank you for being a good friend to me,
Jennifer
Tears were pouring down Garcia's cheeks as she reached the bottom of the note. She stood up and ran out of her office, straight up the stairs and into the quiet conference room. Holding the note tightly in her hand, she said,
"what the hell did you people do to JJ?!"
Everyone looked up, varying looks of confusion on their faces. After a moment, Reid seemed to notice the tears on Garcia's face.
"What happened?" he asked, standing up to try and pry the paper from Garcia's hand.
"You can't have this," said Garcia, flatly. "All you need to know about this paper is that it's from JJ. She's taking an indefinite amount of time off, and it's because of this team. So, I ask again, what the hell have you done to her? Because this note clearly conveys pain, hurt and anger. In it, she says that you have all treated her like she's a piece of trash on the bottom of your shoe, and that you take her for granted. Apparently, the only person, other than me, that she feels even remotely happy around, is Reid." Garcia took a breath before storming on. "I hope you're all happy with yourselves- you've driven away the only person that knows how to navigate the horror of these cases and turn it into something palatable for everyone involved."
"Garcia," said Gideon, "give that to me, please. Let me read it."
"No. JJ made it clear that you aren't to know where she will be, and since she wrote that in here for me to know, you can't have it."
"Then read the letter to us. You don't have to tell us where she is, but tell us what she said. Exact words."
Garcia frowned. She wanted to tell them she would never say anything, but her instincts were telling her that she had been given this note to make the team aware of JJ's absence. "Fine," she stated. "I'll read it to you. I hope it makes you all feel terrible. 'Penelope- Thank you for always being a wonderful friend to me. This isn't goodbye, by any means, but I need some time. Time to calm down, to return to myself. This job has been a blessing, because I got to meet you- I got a sister! But this job is also a curse, which I know you can understand better than anyone.
I see so much that nobody else in this building does. I get dozens of case files coming across my desk each week, and most of them sit in a pile for a really long time. Inside those files are things nobody could ever dream up, but they are cases that aren't in dire need of the BAU's attention. The things I've seen and read about in those files leave me feeling sick to my stomach and give me nightmares.
Nobody knows about that, though, because I know how to mask the pain quite well- I've had plenty of practice at that. This past week was hard and proved to me that the BAU don't see me as a part of their team- I'm a means to an end so that they don't have to deal with the hard parts of cases. The way I was treated after Spencer's abduction showed me that the one person who actually cares is you... And I guess Spencer, too, but he had his own things to deal with.
I can't keep working on this team if I am constantly going to be treated as the outsider, sent to do their bidding as if I am an insignificant minion. I am a human being, just like everyone else, and I do occasionally need them to admit that. I don't do the job for the acknowledgement, but it would be nice if they would at least say thank you to me once in a while.
So, this note is just a heads up. I don't want you to be blindsided by my absence in the coming weeks. I have plenty of saved leave- I'm planning on using it to go visit someone who really does love me for me. Please don't tell anyone where I will be.
Penelope, I won't leave forever, so don't panic. I am coming back, eventually. Again, thank you for being a good friend to me,
Jennifer'."
"She's really hurting," whispered Emily. She looked up at everyone. "She is right, you know. We don't thank her, or acknowledge her. We do tell her what to do, all the time, and she always does it because she knows she has no choice. We do make her talk to families, tell them heart-breaking news and all that." Emily shook her head. "We do all that and never even check on her to make sure that she's okay. We aren't a team... we're monsters."