Oh if I could have yesterday/
I'd make it so you'd never go away/
And I would never be lonely/
I'd give anything to hold you once again/
I'd pray you could love me to the end
AN: I got promoted at work, so I have a new work schedule. I will be posting on Fridays from this point forward.
~o0o~
Elphaba stepped back from the carriage and sighed heavily. What did she want to do today? She had gone back to trying to read every book in existence, she learned countless songs, she had leaned more into practicing her knitting, knitting one row for each day she was stuck in this loop, and she was using an empty culinary classroom to hone in her cooking skills.
Did she want to try a new recipe?
Mm… maybe she was just tired.
"Av, don't buy the absinthe again, I'm still seeing the green fairy."
Elphaba glanced at Fiyero, wondering if she should try to flirt or if she wanted to avoid him.
What to do?
Fiyero climbed out of the carriage and poked her. She poked him back using the sharp tip of her nail.
"Ow," he said, rubbing the spot. "You're definishly real."
"I wouldn't be so sure," she said. "I'm not even sure what reality is anymore. We're all just piles of meat and nerves. Who's to say this isn't all just some fever dream of a larger collective?"
He shrugged. "Fever dream or not, I'm throwing a party tonight. Want to come?"
"No, I think…" she came to a decision. "I think I'm going to go to the movies. Just shut off for a bit."
"I like movies," he said.
She took out her roller skates and swapped them with her boots, skating off just as Galinda approached. She went to the movie theater, having a pretty good idea of the layout of Shiz due to her many wanderings.
After putting her boots back on, she approached the ticket counter.
"Hi, what movies are playing today?" she asked.
"We have a creature double feature starting in an hour," said the droopy-eyed Sheep behind the glass. "The cartoons and newsreels will start in about ten minutes. An hour after Opera Ghost will be a showing of A Dozen Irate People, and after that is Professor Maybe, followed by The Glass Slipper, then Sun's in my Heart, and finally Hint.
"Great, I'll take tickets to all of them," said Elphaba, taking out her wallet.
The Sheep merely blinked and rang her up, printing out the tickets and handing them over.
"Enjoy your movie," she said.
"You too," Elphaba replied without thinking, then cringed and ducked into the theater.
There wasn't anyone in line yet, but the lobby was filled with the scent of fresh, buttery popcorn. Elphaba bought herself a box of popcorn, a pocket pastry filled with potato, a box of candy, and a drink. She had to wait for the food to be ready and promised herself one of those cinnamon soft pretzels for later.
She juggled her food into the theater and was glad it was empty. Her last attempt to see a movie by herself had been very awkward, so this time people could avoid her. Last time, Frex dragged her out before the movie could actually begin. He went on a long tangent about it being a beam of sin with the only goal to corrupt minds. He didn't like it when Elphaba pointed out half the people from church were there.
Elphaba wasn't sure how an animated feature about a flying elephant was sinful, but it wasn't worth the punishment, so she never tried again.
She looked around, wondering if she should take a balcony seat so no one could see her or if the orchestra seating was better.
Eventually, she decided orchestra, dead center.
As she took her seat, the screen lit up as the projector was turned on. The first newsreel of the day began and she settled back in her seat. A few others arrived: a couple teens playing hooky, an older couple, and a Deer.
As a cartoon wound up, a larger crowd entered the theater. Maybe a dozen or so. Elphaba ignored them until she saw someone approach out of the corner of her eye.
Oh, Sweet Oz.
"Hi, there," said Fiyero, taking a seat next to her. "This seat taken?"
"It is now," she said drily. "When I said I was going to the movies, it wasn't an invitation."
"I didn't realize I needed one, duchess," he said with a charming smile. "A movie just sounded fun."
Elphaba glanced behind him and groaned, dropping her head back.
It looked like the top of the food chain had arrived. Galinda and her posse and Avaric Tenmeadows and his three underlings. Avaric's status as apex predator was threatened with Fiyero's arrival, so no doubt he wanted to get a read on the competition. Boq, his friends Crope and Tibbett, Nessa, and Nessa's friends from her Ozian Lit class had come along as well. Some more were filtering in, but weren't chancing sitting next to the group.
"Ugh, look who's trying to fit in with the popular kids now," said Shen-Shen.
"I was here first!" Elphaba protested. "You don't like it? Sit somewhere else."
Galinda narrowed her eyes and sat next to Fiyero. Boq seemed to be trying to muscle through the crowd to sit by her.
Elphaba sighed and turned back to the screen to watch the cartoon of singing and dancing skeletons.
Despite his valiant efforts, Boq lost out and was shunted to the end of the row next to Nessa.
Fiyero tossed a piece of popcorn in the air and caught it in his mouth.
"So, ever seen this before?" he asked.
"No, I've only ever seen one movie in my life," Elphaba replied. "It's not like the opportunity wasn't there, I just usually preferred my books. What about you?"
"They had different movies showing in the Emerald City," said Fiyero. "Probably because the studios are in Neutraland."
"Is that right?"
"I briefly dated an actor," he said. "I saw the lots where they film everything. It's a twenty minute drive outside the West Gate of the E.C."
"Wow, you really have the connections, don't you?" said Galinda. "My Uncle Edgir is a producer for stage shows. I've always wanted to go visit him in the Emerald City, but he's just too busy to host me!"
"Eh, the Emerald City has really only been worth it as a tourist destination in the past five years or so," said Fiyero. "I went as a kid and you wouldn't believe the gajillion 'Pardon Our Dust' signs."
"That makes sense," said Elphaba. "It used to be a trading post, right?"
"That's right. The Emerald buildings didn't start popping up until about twenty years ago. It's amazing how fast a city can grow."
"I wouldn't really know," she said. "Everything in Munchkinland moves so slowly and lately my life has come to a stand still."
"Sorry to hear that."
She shrugged and peeled back the wrapping to her pastry. "I'm starting to think there isn't anything I can do about it."
She looked up at the screen to watch a trailer for a movie that would be coming out next year. She wouldn't get to see it, would she?
Sighing softly, she leaned back, sticking her feet beneath the seat in front of her. Hopefully after the creature feature, they'd all go away and leave her be. She would pretend to leave and sneak up to the second level if she had to.
"What's that?" Fiyero asked, pointing his lips at the food in her hand.
"Potato pocket pastry," she said. "It's actually pretty decent. Good spices. Want a bite?"
"Yeah! Okay," he said.
"Careful, Your Highness," said Pfannee. "No telling what diseases the Artichoke has. I hear she rarely bathes too, must be averted to water. It might melt her!"
"It's true," said Elphaba. "I have to send myself out twice a week for dry cleaning."
Fiyero laughed. "Well, I think you smell nice."
"Thank you. So do you."
He took a bite of the pastry and tipped his head side to side as he handed it back.
"Not bad," he agreed. "I think it could use some cheese though."
"That would make it better," Elphaba agreed.
"Fiyero, will you hold my hand if I get scared?" Galinda asked in a cute voice.
"Absolutely," he said and looked at Elphaba. "And I'll hold yours, too."
He winked and she rolled her eyes.
"If you're holding our hands, how will you eat your popcorn?" she asked.
"It's a sacrifice I am willing to make," he said seriously.
Elphaba huffed a small laugh.
"You're impossible," she said fondly.
The lights dimmed the rest of the way and the movie began.
Elphaba didn't get scared. She got startled, but not scared. Honestly, the screaming of the girls in her row startled her more than anything in the movie.
Galinda just had her face buried in Fiyero's shoulder and it didn't seem to be a flirting tactic.
The heckling from the guys was getting on Elphaba's nerves, but maybe that was their way of dealing with fear.
Fiyero was fairly quiet, munching on his popcorn.
The monster which had only been hinted at and shadowed throughout the entire movie finally made an appearance. It was all scaly and grotesque and covered in algae.
"Hey! No one told me the Artichoke was in this movie," said Avaric.
Elphaba flinched. While she was no stranger to insults, that one cut a little deeper than the ridicule she was used to receiving. She opened her mouth to retort, but her words caught in her throat.
"Oh, don't be mean," said Galinda. "The creature doesn't deserve that comparison."
Elphaba stood, ignoring her food falling off her lap as she ran out of the theater, ignoring the laughter and jeers behind her.
Okay.
That one hurt.
She sometimes forgot just how much Galinda loathed her and her nastiness hit a bit harder with the knowledge that they really could be friends. Most cycles, she seemed perplexed by Elphaba's odd behavior and assessed it so she could decide on how to act.
As Elphaba flew away, she realized it didn't have to turn out like this.
~o0o~
"Hey! No one told me the Artichoke was in this movie!" said Avaric.
Elphaba was ready and had set her food down in the empty chair next to her.
"Oh, don't be mean," said Galinda. "The creature doesn't deserve that comparison."
Casting the proper spell, Elphaba pulled her face until it was a pointed conical snout, then wrenched it open to reveal a row of crocodile teeth. Her eyeballs appeared at the back of her throat and she shrieked, jumping at them while the lights in the movie theater flickered twice.
They all screamed and ran, climbing over each other to leave. Elphaba shook the spell away and plunked back down in her chair.
Only Fiyero remained, gawking at her. She hissed at him and reclined, slinging one leg over the empty seat in front of her.
"Thank you!" someone in the back called.
An usher came by and shined a flashlight on them, but just as soon walked away without a word.
Fiyero reached for Elphaba's popcorn since his own had been knocked to the ground. She allowed it.
The movie ended with the monster defeated and the lights turned back up. A card appeared on the screen stating the next movie would begin in fifteen minutes with a timer counting down.
"That was a pretty cool trick," said Fiyero.
"Shouldn't you have run off with the others?" she asked.
He shrugged. "I knew it was an illusion. I could see your real face beneath it."
She frowned. "You really aren't affected by brain magic, are you?"
"Nope. Pro is that no evil advisor can magically manipulate me into being their puppet. Con is I'm so stupid that doesn't really matter."
"You're not stupid," she sighed. "Not really."
"How would you know?" he asked. "We've never met before today."
"If you were, I doubt you'd be so unhappy."
He opened his mouth as if to argue, then quickly faced the front.
"What are your plans after the movie?" he asked.
"Seeing the next showing." She took out all her tickets to show him.
"I guess I should replace your popcorn then," he said and got up.
He was afraid the last time she got too close too soon. Though it didn't matter if she watched what she said because he wouldn't remember anyway.
The others seemed to have remembered the fifty cents they spent and came creeping back in for the second showing. Boq was pale and shaking as he approached Elphaba and sat down in the seat next to her.
"My hero!" Galinda cooed and sat next to him, leaving the seat between her and Pfannee open for Fiyero.
Ah.
Fiyero returned with two minutes to spare. He stopped upon seeing Boq sitting in his seat. Galinda sat up and tossed her hair, gesturing to the empty seat beside her. Elphaba saw the brief war with himself. Sit with the loser he was having an okay conversation with and risk Social Badlands or drive that wedge and cement himself as an Apex Predator like Galinda by choosing her social group?
He set his jaw and stepped over the spilled concessions.
"This seat taken?" he asked.
Elphaba moved the food out of the chair and Fiyero sat down toting two boxes of popcorn and a pleased expression.
"You bought tickets to the other showings, didn't you?"
"Sure did!" He proudly showed her the stubs.
He could have sat by Galinda and then just doubled back to see the other movies without ruining his status at Shiz. She would have pretended to accept the excuse that his seat was stolen. Instead, he picked Elphaba.
That made her heart swell with something she couldn't name.
"That's swell," she said. "But those are for tomorrow."
His face fell and he looked at them. "What?!"
Elphaba laughed. "Gotcha."
"Oh, hardy-har!" He threw a piece of popcorn at her, but his expression was light.
Elphaba smiled and turned to the screen as the lights dimmed for Opera Ghost. She thought this one was better than the previous movie. Mainly because there seemed to be more nuance to the characters including the "creature."
When it ended with the Opera Ghost being defeated and the ingenue united with her sweetheart, Elphaba settled back in her seat pensively.
"Are you okay?" Fiyero asked.
"Oh, she's just disappointed the monster didn't get the girl," said a boy who, in another timeline, helped dump paint on her.
"No, that's not it," said Elphaba, standing up and waving her hand so all the spilled popcorn went into the empty buckets. She flicked her fingers and the buckets marched themselves to the trash bin. "I pity the creature, but I think he's very human. He thinks love will fix him and make him whole. He tries to get at it anyway he can, mentoring Kistine and hoping she could see past his haunting exterior and love him for who he is, but you don't love someone who is tricking you. Honestly, I'm skeptical about whether Reuel really loved her, either. He was patronizing and dismissive of her fears, then set her out as bait instead of just… leaving when she asked to. If he owns part of the theater, then he can just not sue her for contract violation."
"But the Ghost was ugly," said Milla. "How can anyone love that?"
Elphaba shook her head. They just didn't get it.
"His problem shouldn't have been that he was ugly," she said. "He was temperamental and felt entitled to hurt people based on the fact that he had been hurt. If he had a beautiful face, then he may have been painted in a more sympathetic light."
"So if he treated Kistine as a person and got to know her, you think she could've fallen in love with him?" Fiyero asked.
"I don't know," Elphaba admitted. "Beautiful people don't tend to value ugly people as equals, but it's better if he finds out she's vapid and shallow to begin with before all those people got hurt. I don't think anything the Ghost did was right, but… I think… eventually you reach the point of becoming the monster everyone thinks you are."
"Ugh, whatever, freak," said ShenShen. "Everyone at school already knows you're inhuman."
Elphaba smiled tightly.
"Shall I do that thing with my face again?" she asked.
"Yes!" said Fiyero eagerly.
"NO!" everyone else shouted.
"Sorry, Fiyero, the nays have it."
"Oh, drat." He clicked his tongue.
Elphaba shook her head fondly and turned to the others.
"You just don't get it, because none of you have ever been the 'other' and you never will be."
"Clear out," said the usher. "I gotta make sure no one stays behind to sneak into the next picture."
"I have a ticket," said Elphaba.
"Great, you can use it to get back in."
Fair enough. Elphaba walked the opposite direction to leave the row.
"Hmph! Freak," Pfannee sniffed.
"Fiyero, are you coming with us?" Galinda asked.
Elphaba entered the lobby and her wrist was grabbed. She flinched, then realized it was only Nessa.
"Why on earth would you do that, Elphaba?" she demanded. "I nearly got trampled because of that stunt you pulled. Why, if Boq hadn't thought to push me out of the way, I might have been."
Elphaba was growing a bit sick of this attitude of hers. Once upon a time, she could have received comfort from her little sister or even a word of defense. When had that changed? When they left for university and she started making friends of her own? No, perhaps long before that.
"You should know by now that I never take these things lying down," Elphaba retorted. "What do you want me to do? Laugh along? You know very well that ignoring it only makes them try harder to get a reaction. At least pushing back makes them wary of crossing the line again!"
"Is this what your Sorcery lessons are teaching you?" Nessa scoffed. "To make grotesque, demonic faces?"
"No, that's been done for me at birth!" Elphaba gestured to her face.
"You never think about how this affects me!" Nessa whined. "I already have this chair! It's like you enjoy making my life harder!"
"You sound like Father," said Elphaba, habitually averting her gaze. "We both have to live with our lot in life, Nessa. We can either feel sorry for ourselves or focus on what we can do. Can't we fight? Can't we fight, together?"
She reached out her hand.
Nessa lifted her chin and turned away.
Elphaba pursed her lips. A delicate hand touched her arm. Galinda.
"Hey, Nessa," she said. "I was thinking of getting my nails redone. I don't know what I was thinking of with hot pink, it is sooo last month! Why don't you come with me?"
Nessa looked up.
"You mean it?"
"Of course! Sitting up in a theater like that makes my back ache! I need a good massage. Maybe after we can do some shopping."
Elphaba wasn't sure why Galinda had the sudden change of heart. It felt more like she was trying to do something nice for Elphaba, as opposed to worsening the rift between Elphaba and Nessa.
Elphaba decided to trust her and instead went to the toilets. When she emerged, Fiyero was waiting in the lobby.
"Hi," she said, feeling a little shy. "I thought you might have left."
"Nah," he said. "I think yesterday I would have gone with the majority out of cowardice, but now… I don't know, I don't think I could play the part."
"You're so kind, Fiyero," she said. "Why do you hang out with those terrible people?"
"If you had the chance for a shield, wouldn't you take it?" he asked.
"I don't know," she admitted. "I think I would at first, but I just can't stand injustice. Even if that means all weapons are turned on me, I'll fight for what's right."
"Then you're a better person than I am," he said. "How do you do it? Stand up?"
"Easy. I have nothing to lose by doing so."
They re-entered the theater and took their seats in the same area.
"You look so much shorter when you sit," Fiyero commented.
"Weird proportions," said Elphaba. "I'm two-thirds leg."
"Imagine if you were the opposite," Fiyero said with a grin.
She chuckled at the mental image.
The next movie was some spy flick she couldn't really get into, but Fiyero was captured by it. During the romantic movie, Fiyero yawned, stretching his arms above his head.
He did that during the slow romance scene in Sun's in my Heart.
"If you're bored we can step out until the next one," Elphaba whispered.
He dropped his arm over the back of her chair. He did that last time, too.
"I'm good," he said.
The final movie of the day was as much a side splitter as Sun's in my Heart. Elphaba was kept guessing as to who was the killer.
"Oh, I think now every time someone says, 'Long story short' I'll have to reply with, 'Too late!'" she said as they walked back to campus.
Fiyero grinned. "Yeah, today was fun! I've never done anything like this before. We should hang out again sometime."
"I'd like that," said Elphaba.
Though she insisted it wasn't necessary, Fiyero walked her to her door.
"I guess I'll see you tomorrow, then," he said.
"Tomorrow, then," she replied.
Fiyero rocked on his heels.
"I know this wasn't exactly a date," he said. "But… could I… may I…?"
"Yes."
Fiyero kissed her chastely, then looked up at her.
"Breakfast?" she asked.
"I'd like that," he said.
Elphaba smiled and entered her dorm.
Galinda was sitting up, reading a magazine.
"Evening," said Elphaba, changing into her pajamas. "Is Nessa okay?"
"Yes, we got our nails done, had some girl time," said Galinda. "Talked about you a bit. That face you made was the scariest thing I had ever seen in my life."
"Well, I'm tired of you and your friends shitting on me all the time," said Elphaba bitterly. "And people like you always sabotaging any friendships I make! Would all of society really collapse if I made one goddamn friend?!"
"I didn't say it was wrong," she said in a small voice. "I just said it was scary. How did you even do that?"
"Simple illusion spell." She demonstrated by conjuring a rabbit to hop around the room. "I can create a malleable version of my face over my real one and adjust it as I see fit. Adding things like sharp teeth or extra eyes requires more concentration. Amazingly, Fiyero can see through the illusion. What looks solid to you or me is transparent to him."
"Is that why he didn't run away?"
"Maybe. I guess I intrigue him." Elphaba paced. "I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. I mean… he finds me interesting and different. What about when he realizes I'm not all that interesting? That most days I like to curl up with a book or sit in the park? That most days for me look the same? And if my only appeal is that I'm interesting then… then I should forget it, right? Before he decides I'm not all that interesting and I get hurt?"
She flopped face first onto her bed and groaned.
"Oz, what am I doing?"
Galinda hopped up next to her.
"I didn't know you even liked Fiyero Tiggular!" she said. "I mean, you don't even subscribe to a fan magazine!"
"What if it's all a trick?" Elphaba sighed. "What if, in the end, he laughs at me for believing someone like him would choose me when someone like you is available and willing?"
Galinda was silent.
"Has… that happened?" she asked.
"In a way," said Elphaba, rolling onto her back. "When I was in elementary school, people would pretend to be my friend. Eat lunch with me, say hello when I showed up and goodbye before we went home, and I would think, 'They finally see me beyond my exterior' and then a week or so later, they'd treat me worse than before. I'd ask what happened, why they were being different, and they said, 'Do you really think we'd be friends with you?' I think they were mad I would never tell them a secret they could use against me. But they tried. Oh, how they tried."
She dragged her hands down her face and huffed.
"I don't get the feeling Fiyero is like that," she said. "But I've been wrong before and… Oz, how can that man look at me like that and not mean it? And what if I'm just fooling myself because I just want someone to hold me? To hold me and touch me without hesitation. Lack of hesitation doesn't mean a person actually cares, you know."
"No, I guess not," said Galinda. "But I think if he was planning on rejecting you he would have done it when I tried to separate you."
"I suppose."
She just wanted him. Even if it was superficial, if all she was was a novelty she just wanted someone who would give her a kind word in return. He was only nasty if she was nasty first. If she played her cards right he'd make love to her again. Hold her in that way she was starving to be held.
Somehow, someway, she would move forward and have him by her side for however long he wanted her.